IMAGINE IF THE FIRST THOUGHT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAD WHEN YOU INTRODUCED YOURSELF WAS, “DAMN, WHAT A BADASS.”
For my friend [and NYT Bestselling Author] Jen, that’s a reality. When she sends an email, speaks at a conference, or hops on a podcast interview, she leaves everyone KNOWING she’s a badass, and she has this insane ability to multiply badasses all around her. It’s awesome.
Jen and I spoke on the phone a few weeks ago and we had YOU in mind. If you’ve been headed toward success but somewhere along the way found yourself banging your head against a wall and wondering how to move past barriers, Jen’s secrets for achieving badassery may just rock your world.
HIT THE SPIRITUAL GYM
If you want to stay strong, you go to the gym. If you want to stay motivated, you go to the spiritual gym.
Instead of treadmills, stationary bikes, rowing machines, and free weights, the spiritual gym is made up of books, podcasts, mantras, and playlists. It’s the quintessential list of what you need to stay motivated and keep chasing after goals. If you don’t set up your support system to stay positive as you move toward your career happiness, you’ll lose steam and settle (which is what over 80% of humans end up doing when it comes to work!).
YOU MUST GO TO THE SPIRITUAL GYM EVERY DAY TO STAY IN THE HEADSPACE TO MAKE SHIT HAPPEN.
You’ve heard us talk about this concept a lot, which is what we at HTYC refer to as full immersion. Full immersion acknowledges that there will be moments when your motivation wavers, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Check out Jen’s full immersion techniques below.
HOW JEN WORKS OUT HER MIND MUSCLES
Everyone’s spiritual gym looks different. Only you can select the machines you need. To help you get started, we asked Jen to share what her personal spiritual gym looks like. Since she moved from making only $28K per year as a struggling writer to becoming a successful author with two NYT bestsellers, she has some credibility here.
Jen’s daily trip to the gym includes:
Guided and personal meditation can keep you from beginning your day with a spinning ball of thoughts like: “I gotta reply to that email…Oh shoot—the grocery store pick-up! What if I don’t hit the project deadline next week? I really should post on Instagram more…Do I have time for breakfast? Mom is probably wondering why I haven’t called lately…Better check my email again before I get in my car.”
Instead, meditation helps you center yourself. You can use an app like Calm or Headspace with guided meditation created to help you rest, be present, and engage fully in your life. Or you can simply develop your own meditation practice where you repeat a motivational phrase and quiet your mind. Either approach should silence early morning negative thoughts.
Have you ever been in the middle of a difficult strength training set when the beat drops and you suddenly get hit with this supernatural energy? Music is powerful for the body and the mind. Jen built herself a playlist that, in her words, “sends her on victory laps around her house every morning.”
If you’re a music person, find some time this week to make your Badass Beats playlist. When you feel your confidence starting to disappear, press play on that Kelly Clarkson song and remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
3. MASTERMINDING WITH FRIENDS
Everything’s better with buds. There’s no better accountability than a friend who will shame you into following through on your commitments.
Jen masterminds with her crew a couple times a week, updating on what she wants to do and how she’s accomplishing the steps it takes to find her personal happiness. These chats usually only last about 15 minutes, but the resulting encouragement lasts much longer.
Pegging herself as a nature freak, Jen sets aside time to hike every week. The fresh air, bird calls, and feel of her boots on the dirt as she huffs it up a hill just do it for her. Every hike leaves her full of positive energy.
Your hobbies may look more like reading memoirs, painting sunsets, climbing rock walls, or mixing cocktails. Whatever leaves you with positive energy and a new excitement for life, make it a priority.
5. JOY CHECKS
For badasses, there’s no such thing as going through the motions. Jen makes sure to check in with her current state and future goals each day. She asks herself, “What is bringing me the most joy right now? What is restricting my joy?” and then changes her actions accordingly.
People change. Often. So these consistent check-ins allow her to alter plans and direction as early as possible.
PICK UP THE BADASS BATON
If there’s anything we’ve learned from Jen, it’s that badassery is hard work, but it’s much easier when you create a system that keeps it flowing. So what’s it going to look like for you? How will you create a positive feedback loop of motivation?
Maybe you need to set reminders on your phone to check your joy at 2 pm every day, schedule Facetime calls with your bff once a week, and log into Spotify to get a poppin’ playlist going. Whatever it is, the time is now.
To get you going on the right track, here’s some advice on getting started from Jen’s latest book, You Are a Badass Every Day:
“Start. Right. Now.
And here’s a tip: start small. Chunk your to-dos down into manageable bits of time or break your tasks up into friendly little baby steps instead of trying to get the entire thing one in one intimidating leap. Especially if what’s been dogging you is something you’ve been successfully putting off for a while. For example, if you’re struggling to commit to a meditation practice, sit in silence for seven little minutes a day, then after a while up it to eight minutes and then nine and then you’re on your way. If you’re writing a book, sit at your desk with your phone turned off, the internet disabled, armed guards at your door, and do not get up until you’ve written one brilliant paragraph. The next time you show up for work write two brilliant paragraphs, then up it to three, and then four, and then you’re on your way.
Motivation, commitment, focus—these are all muscles that, like any muscle, require strengthening. If you push yourself too hard right out of the gate, you’ll hurt yourself and walk in wide circles around that gym instead of going inside whenever you’re in the neighborhood. If you build slowly and steadily and chunk it down, not only do you save yourself some pain, but you’ll start noticing changes almost immediately. And there ain’t nothing that makes you show up, and keep showing up, like getting results.”
Find Jen’s book here and click the play button below to listen to our interview.
Jen Sincero 00:01
So there's always something more screwed up about and there's always something that we can push ourselves to grow through and learn from, right? Earth is a big fat school.
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.
Scott Anthony Barlow 00:40
On today's episode we're not just talking about career happiness meeting, we're also talking about the art of badassery. My guest today is Jen Sincero. New York Times best selling author of "You Are a Badass". And Jen is sassy but also down to earth blunt approach to self help is both refreshing and hilarious. She's appeared on Comedy Central, the Dr. Oz show, New York Times, over a magazine. My own mother has demanded and suggested that she might disown me if we don't have her on the show. I'm pretty sure she was joking. But we still wanted to have her on for multiple other reasons anyways. And if you've never read any of her books, well buckle in for a good time.
Jen Sincero 01:27
There's all these morons out there making tons of money. Like, if they get to it, what's my problem? I mean, there's lots of very smart, wonderful people doing it. But seriously I was like, how hard could it be?
Scott Anthony Barlow 01:39
See what I mean? I'm so excited for you to listen to this episode. I'm sure it'll make you laugh, leave you feeling challenged and even get you to turn your radio dial to 80s rock. Does anybody turn a radio dial anymore? If you do, I know you'll be turning it. Keep listening. And then let's go kick some ass.
Jen Sincero 01:58
My whole journey into sort of self development started when I was living in a garage in my early 40s, super broke, super unamused that I was in my 40s and being such a loser. And I was a freelance writer at the time, and I decided that I really had to get my act together in the financial department. And so I started doing a lot of stuff that was very, out of the ordinary for me, I was super snarky about the whole self help world. But I forced myself to read every self help book I could get my hands on, go to money making seminars, hiring life coaches, like all stuff that I just rolled my eyes at previously. But when you're desperate, you do a lot of stuff that doesn't feel quite so natural to you. And lo and behold, it really worked. And I started working with a coach and started a new online business and basically tripled my income in a couple of months, which was like growing a third head for me, 'cause I have two, a second head. And yeah, it was so miraculous. And just I mean, because honestly, I had spent decades identifying as somebody who was really bad at making money. So for me, it literally was a miracle. And so in the process, I had read, as I said, every self help book under the sun. And because I'm a writer, I was like, "Man! I could write the crap out of a self help book, like where are the ones that are really funny and tell stories and use curse words" and all that stuff. So I decided to write my own. And for a couple of reasons, one, because I wanted, that was the sort of book I wanted to read that was a little bit more entertaining and a little bit more in your face. And I also really felt like there were so many people out there, like me, who wouldn't touch self development with a 10 foot pole. And as like, maybe if I make a kind of edgy, it will open this genre up to a lot more people who could really use the help.
Scott Anthony Barlow 03:58
I couldn't find anything as I was reading through your books, necessarily. Was it actually desperation that caused you to pick up all those books? Because I get that you had said, "Hey, you know, I really didn't necessarily want to do this, but I did, anyways."
Jen Sincero 04:12
Oh, yeah. Total desperation. I just couldn't believe that I was like, come on, dude. There's all these morons out there making tons of money. Like, if they get to it, what's my problem? I mean, there's lots of very smart, wonderful people doing it. But seriously I was like, how hard could it be? I mean, I was in a one car garage, let's be clear here and not...
Scott Anthony Barlow 04:33
It was not a triple car garage.
Jen Sincero 04:36
It was not a triple car garage. It was not nicely renovated. Like it was a crap pole. And yet, I really realized that it wasn't going to happen doing it the way I was doing it. So I had to change some stuff around because I think that's what happens to a lot of us as we keep doing more of the same, we just work harder because that's what we've been taught, if you knew you got to work hard to make money. So I just kept working harder. So I was just more exhausted and making, like, you know, 10 bucks more a week.
Scott Anthony Barlow 05:02
What do you think so many of us believe that to be true? I encounter that every single day in any forum everywhere, like, "all you gotta do is work harder, Jen. Like, just work hard." What do you think that is so pervasive?
Jen Sincero 05:16
I don't know. I think human beings get caught in loops of thought. And we don't question them. And this is the first nugget of transforming your life is becoming aware of your thought loops and being like, "Now I'm working my ass off, and I'm not getting richer." And also, if you think about that phrase for two seconds, you got to work hard to be rich, all rich people would be really tired. You know, it doesn't make any sense. And I will tell you, now that I am rich, I work about an eighth as hard as I used to when I was hustling my butt off to make money. So it's a lie people. I mean, you certainly do have to work hard sometimes. But that is not the recipe for changing your financial situation.
Scott Anthony Barlow 06:02
And certainly not that alone, by any means.
Jen Sincero 06:04
Oh, yeah. I mean, working smarter is the key.
Scott Anthony Barlow 06:07
One of the things that you discuss in your latest book, is the concept of, well, first of all, the entire concept of the book is many pieces to help you get there, wherever there is for you. And one of the concepts that you mentioned in there is this idea of motivational and spiritual gem. And I'm curious if you could tell us a little bit about that idea and that concept.
Jen Sincero 06:35
Yeah. So "You Are a Badass Every Day", which is the new book is more of like, it's this little this tiny, but mighty little...
Scott Anthony Barlow 06:43
Tiny but mighty, I like it.
Jen Sincero 06:44
Tiny but mighty. So my other books go much more in depth into the subconscious and how that works. And catching yourself on your thought loops, and really sort of dissecting on what's going on and how to turn it around and stuff like that. But "You Are a Badass Every Day" is more like going to this what I call the spiritual gym, which is, so you know what to do, you know that you have to watch your thoughts, words and beliefs, you know you have to be very diligent about training your focus on stuff that makes you strong instead of stuff that makes you feel like you want to jump out a window. You've got to be conscious of your energy, you got to be conscious of who you hang out with. You've got to listen to music that pumps you up, you gotta say, affirmations and meditate. And there's this all of these things that you can do to keep your muscle of motivation, and confidence and belief in awesomeness strong. So I think what happens a lot of times is people read a self help book, or go to a seminar, or take a course or hang out with really inspiring people and you know, you feel like you could go out and flip over a car and do anything. And then a couple days go by or a couple hours go by, and you start to slide back and you're like, "nah, go take my life next week."
Scott Anthony Barlow 08:02
I'll flip over that car later.
Jen Sincero 08:03
I'll flip over that car later.
Scott Anthony Barlow 08:06
I love that concept as a whole the idea of a motivational or spiritual jam. And we call that the similar concept, full immersion where you're immersing yourself in an environment of success. And what I'm curious though is can you share with us a few different of those way? You've covered it, you've rattled off a few. But let's go into depth on a few different ways where people can create that environment or create that motivational and spiritual jam and make sure that is there on a much more consistent basis.
Jen Sincero 09:15
Okay, it all comes down to specifics. You can't just wing it, you have to know exactly what you're going to turn to stay strong. So that's the first little tidbit is what makes you feel mighty because for some people music doesn't do it. So for me music totally does it. So it's not just I'm gonna listen to the inspirational music. It's... I have a specific playlist that makes me feel like doing victory laps around my house.
Scott Anthony Barlow 09:41
What's on that playlist? I must know.
Jen Sincero 09:43
Oh, you must know. I'm so old school. It's actually embarrassing. I was hanging out...
Scott Anthony Barlow 09:48
Oh no, it's even better.
Jen Sincero 09:49
Oh my god. So I listen to anything that happened past like 1986, I mean, huge Prince fan, huge Donna Summer fan, love AC DC, ZZ Top, Rolling Stones.
Scott Anthony Barlow 10:04
Jen Sincero 10:04
You know, I'm in my 50s, Led Zeppelin.
Scott Anthony Barlow 10:07
Jen Sincero 10:07
Anyway. So music is a huge mood changer for me, it can completely take me out of one state and put me in another. I'm a big hiker, a big nature freak. So getting out in nature and, you know, hopping my way up a hill is a big one for me. I meditate as often as possible. When I was going through it, always every morning, I would read for at least 10 minutes some kind of self development book. And I think this one I feel like really, really is an important one, either reading or listening to something inspirational every morning because it reminds you of how powerful you truly are. And it also reminds you how easy transforming your life is, we've been taught that it's like this big, you know, you're going to be exhausted. And it's just adding more work to your already overwhelming life. And man, it really is about mind shift, you know, mindset and shifting your mindset So, and it's a hell of a lot easier than being in struggling, feeling hopeless and feeling stuck. So I really want to stress that point, it's not easy, you just got to do it. Listening to stuff, having a mastermind partner, meeting with somebody a couple times a week on the phone, where each of you talks for 15 minutes about what you're doing and staying accountable to each other, and anything else.
Scott Anthony Barlow 11:30
The thing that struck, but I've got lots of them. However, I like the ones that you have mentioned here. And the thing that has struck me both in reading your books, and also at the same time just observing many people that have been successful in the areas that they want to be successful in, there isn't necessarily a perfect combination. It is more about what is the right combination for you. And even right now, too, as it can change and evolve as well.
Jen Sincero 11:58
Totally, that's such a good point. Totally.
Scott Anthony Barlow 12:01
What is your current combination? Whatever you say. And if you're listening to this, you shouldn't run out there and immediately implement Jen's combination. But I'm super curious, about what combination, aside from the music and the amazingly awesome and pre 1986 play, what else is working for you right now?
Jen Sincero 12:19
I'm in such a good spot right now that I don't need the support of that so much anymore. So as you said, it changes as you go through phases. So I still meditate because I still, that is super important to me to stay in touch with my highest self and my intuition. I'm obsessed, and "You Are a Badass Every Day", I go much deeper into the fact that we are energetic creatures living in an energetic universe. And so I'm really diligent about walking that talk and being very in touch with the energy that I choose to connect within myself. So a lot of meditation, a lot of connecting with my fellow witches, as I like to call it, and masterminding with people who keep me in that zone help keep me strong that way. And then music and hiking, those are the two things. And being really conscious of what is bringing me joy and like what do I need to do with my life now that I'm at this new level that will bring me joy, and be of the biggest service to others, because that changes as we change. So just really keep checking in to see where I'm at now and what I feel supposed to be doing.
Scott Anthony Barlow 13:32
I love that concept of continually filtering in or filtering out those things that bring you joy or don't bring you joy. And I find that this can be the physical space, like, we literally in our garage, have a stacking deck of stuff to donate to a variety of places because we've decided those things, whatever they are, no longer bring us joy or meaning. Somehow came into our house and we don't really want them there because they don't bring us joy. So it can certainly be that way. But I think that there's other ways too and I'm curious if you can expand on that for everybody who's listening. What are some examples of things that or situations that might bring you joy versus not? What do you mean when you say that?
Jen Sincero 14:20
Again, it gets into specifics so people are just like, "I'm happy. I'm lonely. I don't have any energy." And you sort of leave it at that and that vagueness is gets you nowhere it's just like this squishy blurry place. So getting into specifics are the key to freedom. So I was like okay, so you know, the books are selling. I have this wonderful opportunity with the badass brand and what I'm doing, you know, what do I want to do next? Like what would really be fun? And that's okay. What brings me the most joy is hanging out with the people I love, laughing my butt off, and being creative and collaborating. So for me, I've been an entrepreneur for like 20 years and a writer. And those are very solitary endeavors. And so I got to start hanging out with the people I love more and making that my job. So I'm starting to write comedy with my friends, which is so much fun. So I'm still doing badass stuff. And I'm still speaking and writing the books, and I love, love, love all that. But for me, collaborating on comedy, I realized is something that is super fun. So I'm writing a TV show and a screenplay with two separate friends.
Scott Anthony Barlow 15:34
That is amazing. And fun.
Jen Sincero 15:35
It's really fun. Yes, it is. You know, and then I picked some charities that are really important to me that I want to get even more involved with beyond just donating money. So I'm talking to the people who run those charities to see how I can further their causes. What else? Oh, I'm renovating a house, I just bought my first house and I have unleashed a design maniac that I did not know lived within me. So if you want to spend the rest of this time talking about bathroom tile, I'm totally in.
Scott Anthony Barlow 16:05
Oh, we are in the same space. So that is very possible.
Jen Sincero 16:09
Scott Anthony Barlow 16:09
Jen Sincero 16:13
You know, but these are all very specific things. So I think you got to sit down and make a list of what brings me joy, is it travel? Is it creativity? Is it... would it be getting a new job? What is that new job look like? Do you need some new friends? What are their qualities? Fetting very clear, and then going out and making yourself create that because we are on this planet for a very short time and spending the four minutes that it takes to write down some specifics of what would better your life is time extremely well spent.
Scott Anthony Barlow 16:43
You've mentioned becoming conscious of your energy and certainly paying attention to what brings you joy is one of the ways to do that. But I'm also curious, when you say being conscious of your energy, first of all, what do you really mean by that? And how can we do more of that?
Jen Sincero 17:00
Being conscious of your energy, for me really means getting, again, back to the joy, getting clear on what brings you joy. And especially if you're in the mode of transformation, which I'm sure everybody listening is, you know, what is it that you're trying to achieve? What is this next level that you're working to get to and embodying the energy of what that looks like? So walking around as if you already exist in that new space. So how do you carry yourself? What are the specifics of your new life look like? Who do you hang out with? How do you speak? What do you wear? What do you talk about? So getting into that energetic of the new reality that you are so excited to create so that then you raise your frequency to that new level. And you start to notice things that you were not previously noticing when you were at the lower level and accepting that environment as your reality. It's super unicorny what I'm talking about, but it totally works. And I'm obsessed with it, I really, if we can be diligent about that and play with it, you know, like, if that whole, sort of, water droplet in the ocean thing where we are the water droplet, we are in control of our little water droplet cells. But we are also part in the ocean. And so you are of yourself. And you're also have the entire universe. So when you shift your energy, just as when that water droplet drops in that ocean, you affect all of the energy in the universe, because you are part of that energy flow. So shifting your energy, shifts everything in the universe, and that is then how you manifest it on the physical plane.
Scott Anthony Barlow 18:53
That is something that I have found to be true again, and again, I don't think I... 15 years ago or something.
Jen Sincero 18:59
Oh my god.
Scott Anthony Barlow 19:00
I don't know if I would have said unicorny, but something similar. However, I have seen evidence of that again and again. And I'm curious, do you have a story of how that works? Or maybe an example of how that has worked? We witnessed it's with either somebody else or in your own life.
Jen Sincero 19:18
Oh my god, I see it over and over. But then someone's like, "do you have any good jokes?" I'm like, "yeah, I got a million." I can't think of a single one. Although I can think of one single one. I got one that I wrote about in my book of when I was working with my coach to make some damn money. And it's a long story. But basically, you know, she's like, you know, "You can double your rates. You can offer this new program, you can bla bla bla bla bla" so you're working on all of these things. And I was like, gosh, you know, I was coaching with this man, like a year ago, I was his coach. And we stopped working together and I hadn't heard from him in an entire year. I was like, "I wonder maybe I could reach out to him" because I was hell bent to make a certain amount of money that week, actually. And I was like, "I wonder if he'd be interested in working with me again. I don't even know where he is. I don't know how to contact him." I was still on the phone with my coach. And I was in a fever of intention, like I was making this happen, I was not screwing around anymore, I was stepping up into this whole other realm of possibility for myself. And I was really doing all the work all the time. So while I'm on the phone with her discussing, reaching out to him, I looked down at my email, and he has reached out to me. I have not heard from this man in one year, and he had reached out to me with an email that said, "Let's roll. I'm ready to work with you again. What do you charge in these days?
Scott Anthony Barlow 20:35
That was more than just a drop in the ocean.
Jen Sincero 20:40
So back into hot water. Yeah, it was... it made my hair stand up. It was amazing.
Scott Anthony Barlow 20:46
That's fantastic. We've seen some really very similar things too. You know, I'm thinking of one person that we worked with, his name was Ruchi. And he'd been in a situation where, you know, just not enjoying life, not enjoying his job, all kinds of different things. And fast forward after, he ended up getting to a place where he was very much enjoying work, enjoying life. He started really contributing to a charity in the Atlanta area, like a really, really great cause, that had to do with helping people in the local community. And he like, launched himself into that. And because he had all this newfound energy, then he was able to go and contribute and make all of these really great impacts in a really short period of time. And it was just interesting to see that because we're talking a period of like, five months. Yeah. And that's one of the things that I've observed, and I'm curious, your opinions on this. It seems like when people make big changes, big transformation in their lives, looking back, it always feels so short, or at least it has to me. And that's one of the comments that I've heard again, and again, but I'm curious, you know, how have you experienced that? And do you see some of the same things? What is that like in terms of reference of time that it takes for transformation? What have you found?
Jen Sincero 22:08
It's interesting, I've seen both. And I do believe that it has to do with we think we're in the energetic but deep down, we've still got a belief that it's not possible for us or we don't deserve it, or we're going to get in trouble. You know, so when you're in the mode of manifestation, and you're being really diligent about watching your energy, and it's just not happening, you've got to bust yourself. You know, that's why meditation is so good and guided meditations, especially that focus on whatever topic it is that you're, you know, presently obsessed with, because then you hear yourself, pull up that objection, you know what I mean? It's like, well, money flows to me easily and freely. If you're trying to change your finances, you're listening to some guided meditation about money. It's like, "No, it haven't. It never will." you know, like, it'll come up, it will come up. You will feel that energy. But if you are in the flow, oh, my gosh, I mean, that story I just told you, my goal was to make $10,000, I think it was a week. And I ended up making it in 24 hours, because, and I was making like, $28,000 a year. So that was, you know, a third of my annual income.
Scott Anthony Barlow 23:27
We call it substantial.
Jen Sincero 23:29
Yes, thank you.
Scott Anthony Barlow 23:31
Very good. I don't know if you intended it this way. So I listened to your latest book on Audible. And parts of it felt very much like a guided meditation as I was listening. So I wasn't sure if part of that was the intention, or not necessarily, but I kept observing like, how much... it's like, oh, that's like a good two thirds of this feels like guided meditation in a good way.
Jen Sincero 23:55
Yeah, I told you I went more down unicorn late on this one. I've never done guided meditations in my other books, but because I'm so much more focused on the energy in this book, and so I got sticks some meditations for the people in here.
Scott Anthony Barlow 24:08
Well, that was very cool and very helpful too, as I was both reading and doing the research knowing we were going to chat here. Now, I also in the same book, learned about Scruffy.
Jen Sincero 24:22
Scott Anthony Barlow 24:23
Oh, Scruffy. Can you tell us about Scruffy?
Jen Sincero 24:25
Sure. Scruffy was a stuffed animal that I had when I was a kid that this dog, that sort of looked like roadkill, I think somebody would want them at a fairy, he was like full of hay and all crappy and it was messy, and I named him Scruffy after our neighbors' West Highland terrier because he looked just like that dog. And one day I was hanging out with Scruffy and sort of brushing him or something, and I realized that he had these pointy ears and this little pink nose and a really long tail and all of a sudden, this toy that I had had for years and years and years and had known as a dog, I realized that Scruffy was a cat, he wasn't a dog. And I mean, I'm telling this story and it like, I could still get this like, strike of fear in my chest. It was like, "oh my goood". And it was so shocking. And so I compare this in the book to this is how it can be in our lives. Like, we just accept things as truth, because that's what we see around us. So if our parents tell us that you got to work really hard to make money, or the you know, relationships are never fun, you know, men or women suck, or will cheat on you, you know, that everybody in our family has a slow metabolism, so you can't possibly lose weight, whatever the truths are, that you've just been walking around, like, this is the way it is, like not ever even questioning. Then when you wake up and start doing this work, and, you know, do the first step of really being aware of what your thoughts, beliefs, and words are and being like, "Wait a second, are there some people who have happy relationships in this world?" Then you snap out of it, you're like, "Oh, my god, I have been subscribing to a belief system that not only doesn't work for me, but really is not true." And so that it's such a liberating thing. And it's essential if you want to change your life.
Scott Anthony Barlow 26:25
I think one of my Scruffy as a cat moments, for me, one of those beliefs was around not being a finisher, is I think how I would describe. And part of the reason that I had made so many career changes over the years and on the outside looked very, very successful. Because each time I moved up, and you know, dollars paid, and all kinds of benefits and desirable jobs, and blah, blah, blah. But part of that was coming from a place of like starting things, and not believing that I can finish them. So instead jumping on to something else.
Jen Sincero 27:03
Scott Anthony Barlow 27:04
And that it took me a good 10 plus years to really reconcile with that. There's a cat here, and I could actually finish something. So I appreciated that story on many multiple levels.
Jen Sincero 27:16
Interesting. And then the thing that happens also, as in you're like, I have 10 years of proof that I'm not a finisher. So you know, for me, I had the same thing, like I have 40 years of proof that I suck at making money. So really... is you have to have the audacity to go against the quote unquote, truth, and choose something else.
Scott Anthony Barlow 27:34
Yeah, absolutely. What do you think for you, aside from discovering that your stuffed animal that you had journeyed with was now no longer the dog that you knew you had to be, what do you think one of those biggest moments was for you? I know you talk about a variety of them in all of your books. But what stands out to?
Jen Sincero 27:54
You know, one moment I had when I was forcing myself to go all of these financial seminars, read the books and coach and blah, blah, blah, was at a seminar, and this coach was on the stage talking about a new coaching program that he was offering. And it was $85,000 to work with him for a year privately. And that was like, you have to fly to the bone and back to work with me. I was like, "What does that even mean? That's like house money. Like, what is that?" There's no way like, there is no way that my $28,000 a year, even take in that information. But because I was on this journey, and I was like, okay, anything is possible, you have to step up. And so I was like, I'm gonna work with this guy, I am going to figure out how to pay him $85,000. So instead of going to my immediate need of response, which was, "I can't afford that" to... my mantra at the time was "money flows to me easily and freely." I said it all the time. Every time I wanted to say, "I can't afford it", I forced myself to say "money flows to me easily and freely." So that's what I said. And by opening myself up, just the act of opening myself up to that possibility, it brought up like from the bottom of the sea color covered in seaweed and slime, like my deepest, deepest reason that I had never noticed before and myself about why Jen Sincero cannot make money or get rich. I had this flash of visual vision of my dad standing there with his hands in his pockets looking at the ground really sad. It was so clear. And in that flash realize, I can't get rich because one of the ways my dad shows me love is to give me 20 bucks every once in a while. And if I don't need his money, I don't need his love and I am basically stabbing him in the heart. And it was so profound, and I really feel like a lot of people have that one where they don't want to outshine their parents or the people they love so they stay small. And that really was a life changer for me.
Jen Sincero 29:10
It's really, I find it fascinating like how quickly our brains can go to, my dad's not gonna be able to do that. And I'm going to be stabbing him in the heart, which, you know, said out loud, afterwards, of course it can make sense that that's not going to happen. But it's fascinating that we do that every day in many different cases, if we're not careful to ourselves, if we're not aware of what is going on behind the scenes or subconsciously, or those underlying beliefs, or those mental barriers that are left unaddressed. So one of the things that I have heard you say, again, and again and again, is by putting yourself in those situations, or by forcing yourself in one way or another, to bring in other beliefs or to say mantras, or any number of these things can bring those up or cause you to have this wrestle with those, when you don't even know that those were underneath the surface in that way. So, absolutely love that. Other ways?
Jen Sincero 31:04
Yeah, I mean, the other ways, it really, it's all about getting uncomfortable. So if you're not uncomfortable or scared to take, like, how uncomfortable was that to like, even consider $85,000. Like that was, like, throw up uncomfortable. So for everybody, it's different. But if you don't get out there and do stuff that really pushes against some kind of resistance for you, you're not going to have these epiphanies because you are staying in your known comfortable world and staying with what's familiar, you got to push yourself out to the unfamiliar, you've got to ask that person out that's quote, unquote, out of your league, or go to a seminar that you'd be horrified if your friends busted, you at or say affirmations that feel completely weird and out of reach for you, or, you know, hang out with people who are doing much better than you, whatever it is, there's so many things you can do. I call it, it's like, two sides of the same coin, excitement and terror. And that's what you're looking for that we're not looking for the kind of fear of like throwing yourself in front of a bus would bring up but it's that terror, and also that the flip side of it is "Oh my god, wouldn't that be amazing? Wouldn't that be amazing if I had a coach that I paid $85,000 for that?" I found that kind of money for holy crap, like, who would I be in that moment? So as terrifying as it is exciting, that's the sweet spot that you're looking for.
Scott Anthony Barlow 32:30
Absolutely love that. I also know that many of your books are about that mode of transformation, or about, shall we say, I don't know, getting what's on the other side of that mode of transformation. I'm not totally sure how you would describe that necessarily, overall. But I'm really, really curious for you, after you have gotten to the goal or after you have achieved the thing or after you have been envisioning whatever it might be for many, many years, what has happened for you after you have gotten there? And after you have achieved that? What does that look like for you individually? Do you immediately move on to the next thing? Do you have, I don't know, celebration effort? Help me understand. And here's the reason why I'm asking. This is even though many people are here, listening, because they're in that mode of transformation to this show, I'm curious for myself a little bit, because I found many, many times when I've reached like really big things that most people would consider impossible, then I personally will go through a period where it's like, this is awesome. And then sometimes it's a "Now what?" afterwards. It's over many years, I've reconciled with that part of it in different ways before this next thing, so I'm curious, what that's like for you?
Jen Sincero 33:46
Well, it's the same. And I think, you know, the process of being alive is the process of growing. Just look in nature, like everything keeps growing until it dies. So we're the same. So once you get to a new exciting level, I also by the way, totally believe in celebrating and I'm a very skilled celebrator, then it becomes your new normal, right? So it becomes your new normal. So it's not something that you're like high fiving about everyday because it's just who you are now and it's wonderful. And then you start to look around and be like "okay, now what?" and there's... have you ever heard that expression, "new level new devil"?
Scott Anthony Barlow 34:26
I have not. I feel like I should have, however, love it.
Jen Sincero 34:30
So there's always something more screwed up about and there's always something that we can push ourselves to grow through and learn from, right? Earth is a big fat school. So you conquer one demon and then you're like, alright, but I could really upgrade my situation in this sector of my life. So I think that absolutely, we look around and we have "now what" and the universe always provides an award for you.
Scott Anthony Barlow 34:59
Whether you want it or not...
Jen Sincero 35:00
Don't worry. Yes, exactly.
Scott Anthony Barlow 35:02
It's the universal guarantee, I suppose. Well, I appreciate that on many different levels. And I appreciate you taking the time and making the time here. And this has been a ton of fun. And the new book, by the way, is "You Are a Badass Every Day: How to Keep Your Motivation Strong, Your Vibe High, and Your Quest for Transformation Unstoppable." Where can people get that? Where can people buy many, many copies of that? And where can they learn more about you?
Jen Sincero 35:30
Well, they can do it all at the same place. If you go to my website, you can actually get to my website by either going to youareabadass.com, or jensincero.com, they both lead to the same place. And it's jensincero.com. It's like the word sincere with an O on the end.
Scott Anthony Barlow 35:51
Perfect. Well head on over there. And I have... I've read the book, enjoyed it immensely and even more enjoyed having you in person. So I really, really appreciate it. And thank you so much, Jen.
Jen Sincero 36:02
Thank you so much. This was excellent. I really appreciate it. And say hi to your mom for me.
Scott Anthony Barlow 36:08
Hey, I hope you enjoyed listening to Jen, as much as I enjoyed chatting with her. She definitely seems to carry an aura of badassery around her. And I believe that the idea of the spiritual gym can get you headed in the right direction on achieving your goals, whatever they may be. And by the way, if you aren't sure where you're going with your career, but you know that you're dissatisfied with where you are, my team at Happen To Your Career would love to help. You can schedule a call with one of our team or one of our career coaches and we can start working together to help you discover your signature strengths and more importantly put them to use to acquire unique career happiness for you. Learn more about our signature coaching program at happentoyourcareer.com and click on signature coaching at the top of the page under resources for career changers. Thanks for listening, so much, today's episode on 5 Ways to Stay a Badass Every Day. Join us next week for an entirely different episode on career happiness. Here's what's coming up for you. Next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.
Michelle Jones 37:10
I would hear them over and over and say how frustrated they were and angry, even, that no one had asked them that before. Now, they're like, well, now, I don't know we're at the end, we're about to graduate, we have a lot of debt. You know, maybe I would have actually majored in something else or gone to a different college or done something else along the way. I had someone ask me that earlier.
Scott Anthony Barlow 37:30
That's right. It's a brand new idea, concept and way of education. One that I think is much more useful to many of the people in this world. But all that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. And by the way, too, if you haven't already joined our figure it out mini courses to get you started and get you clear on what you want in your new career, just text HAPPEN to 44222. Or visit figureitout.co that's figureitout.co it'll ask you for your email and name and then it will send you the very first day shortly afterwards. Very first lesson. You'll get a lesson each day for eight days to begin heading down the road of what you really want. We'll see you next week. Right here. As always. Adios. I am out!
Jen Sincero 38:31
I'm so good. How can your mom's not with us?
Scott Anthony Barlow 38:34
Oh my goodness. You know what? Actually, you're gonna get me out of trouble. See, this is gonna be an amazing, now, we just downgraded it slightly.
Jen Sincero 38:44
Oh no. What a way to start.
Scott Anthony Barlow 38:46
Oh, no. This is the tone that we are starting out on. Mom, this one's for you either way, whether you're not here. Well, I am excited though. Regardless of the number of times my mom has said, "You should get Jen on the show."
Jen Sincero 39:00
Oh, I love her.
Scott Anthony Barlow 39:03
Yeah. I absolutely will. I'm leaving that part in at the end.
Jen Sincero 39:08
Scott Anthony Barlow 39:09
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