754: Career Change During Major Life Transitions: How To Find Work That Fits When Everything Changes At Once

[00:00:00] Jackie Meister: This isn't the right fit for me, and it's all remote, and I can't connect with people the same way. It was just like a perfect storm.

[00:00:07] Scott Anthony Barlow: Your work can have such an impact on your health. We all know it. It's the prolonged stress. It's the people causing the stress.

[00:00:15] Jackie Meister: I did get promoted to manager, but that's when I worked with this toxic leader. My nervous system was just off-kilter. That's when my health started to go downhill a little bit.

[00:00:25] Scott Anthony Barlow: That's Jackie. She worked as a manager in healthcare. It's obvious that she wasn't in a great place at that time. Clearly the wrong fit.

[00:00:33] Jackie Meister: I think the big thing was the lack of energy and just, I think I gained, like, 40 pounds in four months. It was just a wake-up call.

[00:00:40] Scott Anthony Barlow: But the real question is, how did she go from a bad fit role, toxic environment, carrying the extra 40 pounds all the way to work that is a phenomenal fit?

[00:00:49] Jackie Meister: I got out of all of those things and realigned myself, and now know that I made a good fit with my home, out of an unhealthy relationship, and in a job that I absolutely love. And I have never had more energy. The weight just came off.

[00:01:06] Scott Anthony Barlow: It wasn't easy for her, but if you've listened to very many episodes of the Happen To Your Career podcast, you know that it was worth it.

[00:01:13] Jackie Meister: It was a big leap. I honestly, I didn't know it was if it was gonna work out, but I just knew I couldn't keep going in the same direction.

[00:01:21] Scott Anthony Barlow: In this episode, we'll uncover how Jackie navigated career change, a divorce, and relocation all at the same time. How was she able to say 'yes' to something new, even with the fear and uncertainty? You'll even hear why she walked away from a leadership track to find work that feels aligned.

[00:01:40] Introduction: This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, where we share stories of real people making real transitions to work that fits them, their families, and even their bank accounts. If you aren't already subscribed, hit subscribe and follow so you can get notified every single episode that drops, so that you can learn to design an extraordinary career for yourself. Here's Jackie telling about where she started.

[00:02:00] Jackie Meister: It was a really great first job. I got connected with really special people. I loved the work. I loved being in an office and, you know, seeing patients face-to-face. It was just a really good job. Because I did my job so well, I got promoted to a team lead, and so I was with a team of nurses. I think I was in my element there, but I could feel myself stretching a little bit, and maybe getting a little stressed out.

[00:02:27] So I stepped away from face-to-face interactions with patients. It was hard to do, but at the same time, I was working with a good team of nurses and social workers, and it was fun. Where it took a turn is, I had my first experience with, like, a really toxic leader. My nervous system was just off-kilter. That's when my health started to go downhill a little bit, and I was looking for another job.

[00:02:51] Scott Anthony Barlow: Yeah. So when you say toxic, what are some examples of what made it feel toxic for you?

[00:02:56] Jackie Meister: I was in a car accident Monday morning. That's when I usually do payroll.

[00:03:02] Scott Anthony Barlow: Oh, wow.

[00:03:03] Jackie Meister: I called her. It was a pretty serious accident. It was scary. Thought my life was over. Spinning out of control over the freeway.

[00:03:11] Scott Anthony Barlow: Literally were spinning out of control in the accident?

[00:03:13] Jackie Meister: Yeah, yeah. So I was shaken, and I asked to take the morning off, and she just gave me a lot of grief for it. And she had to do payroll, and she was just not happy about it. And I just thought to myself, "This isn't healthy." I mean, that's when I really knew. It's like, "Hmm. I gotta be able to take care of myself."

[00:03:33] Scott Anthony Barlow: I can understand the frustration, but also that is, yeah, that's not ideal for anybody whatsoever. It sounds like the crux where you started thinking, "Look, I have to do something else." What happened next?

[00:03:47] Jackie Meister: So that's when I found another position, and this is the position I most recently left. It was another manager position, which I, you know, at the time I was looking for that. I thought, you know, that's what you do. You look to get promoted and, you know, keep on getting promoted and get more money and do well at your job.

[00:04:10] And, I wasn't really considering if it was the right fit or not. So I did find another position, and really what sold me is the supervisor or boss that I was interviewing for was just amazing, and she was so, I think, like motherly and supportive, and I'm like, "Whatever this job is, I'm in." You know?

[00:04:29] Scott Anthony Barlow: It's like the antithesis of what you experienced from the previous.

[00:04:32] Jackie Meister: Exactly.

[00:04:33] Scott Anthony Barlow: Situation, right?

[00:04:34] Jackie Meister: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:35] Scott Anthony Barlow: Yeah.

[00:04:35] Jackie Meister: I got the job right when COVID hit, so it was like mid-March when I actually started the position, and it was all remote, and it was all different, and it was a challenging dynamic. And that coupled with, you know, me already feeling like this isn't the right fit for me, and it's all remote, and I can't connect with people the same way, it was just like a perfect storm, I think, for, you know, that was my, really, my biggest bout of depression. It's when my health started to go downhill. I actually had to take leave for a little bit because of the depression. I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms, which I'm sure everyone kind of did in COVID, unless you were, like, the lucky few that actually, like, really focused on your health.

[00:05:19] Scott Anthony Barlow: Most of my coping mechanisms initially were not particularly helpful. So totally agreed. I think that that's a normal human thing to move through that first. I'm curious, and I think something that's really important here is when people get into those wrong situations, especially when it's compounded by external circumstances, like in your case we're talking about, you know, what many of us experienced through COVID, when did you start to recognize that you were feeling depression?

[00:05:47] 'Cause a lot of times it seems like it starts creeping in, and we don't recognize it to so much after the fact, and I'm curious what caused you to recognize that's what I'm experiencing right now.

[00:05:59] Jackie Meister: Yeah. My body shut down. I shut down. It was difficult. I don't know how I did this, but I really started focusing on my health. I think the big thing was the lack of energy, and just, I think I gained, like, 40 pounds in four months. It was just a wake-up call. And so I really, I focused on, you know, sleep, nutrition, got exercise, did all the things. It took a good three years to recover from, I would say.

[00:06:28] Scott Anthony Barlow: I experienced the same thing. I think a wonderful thing in your situation is that you have some of the professional experience in order to recognize, 'cause you've seen others experience it, and you were recognizing some of those signs. So that's amazing, and I think that that's actually really helpful for others. That's why I wanted to just ask you about your experience.

[00:06:46] One of the things that you mentioned is you started then shifting your focus to your health and your well-being. What were some examples of what that looked like for you, to be able to do that, even in small ways at first?

[00:07:01] Jackie Meister: I focused on my sleep. I got a WHOOP band that helps with that. I was doing all these things right, and I was still having the depression, and I went to my primary care provider, and she was like, "Imagine how you would feel if you weren't doing all these things."

[00:07:13] Because I kind of, like, I spat out, like, I have a morning routine that lasted, like, an hour and a half just to make sure I have a good day. And, you know, I journaled, I did all this stuff. And when she said that, I'm like, gosh, there's gotta be something else. I went to see a functional medicine doctor and, you know, she found some food insensitivity activities, but, like, the big thing was when we started talking about personal things.

[00:07:38] I had some trauma I did not process, and I think looking back, I think my trauma was actively happening, and I didn't realize it. I think just the fact of not doing the things that you should be doing, like, not doing the things that are a good fit for you or having boundaries, or I was a perfectionist, I was a people pleaser, and I didn't have good boundaries, and I was pushing myself too hard, an unhealthy relationship, and all of those things I think were contributing to it.

[00:08:09] I got out of all of those things and realigned myself and now know that I am at a good fit with my home, out of an unhealthy relationship and in a job that I absolutely love, and I have never had more energy. The weight just came off. It was just... I know that that was the underlying issue.

[00:08:30] Scott Anthony Barlow: Let's talk about that then because you just alluded to, you made not just one change in your life, not just moving to work that is a far better fit in some really key areas for you, but also you made a number of other changes too along the way, and all of those have contributed to you feeling better and more like yourself in so many different ways.

[00:08:56] Let's go back for a moment. You're in that most recent role that you left. You're feeling disconnected, literal disconnection and also figurative disconnection. You're disconnected from, you know, relationships because of how it's functioning. You're disconnected from your body. You're disconnected in a variety of different ways. What caused you to say, "Okay, I need to make another change here"?

[00:09:19] Jackie Meister: I think all the work that I've done up until that point, so it took a good five years of just working on myself, making healthy changes, and I did. I felt like I was more connected with my body. I was doing all the right things, and that did help me get to the point where I could be self-aware and know that, hey, this job is not the right fit.

[00:09:43] I knew my relationship was unhealthy, and I knew these things were not the right fit. And I started to back away from my job. I was making small changes over the last previous year. So one is my boss that was my motherly, you know, supportive boss; she decided to retire, and she really wanted me to take on the role as director.

[00:10:08] She traveled a lot, and honestly I didn't wanna do the same thing. I knew that in the back of my mind, but again, I was getting pulled of like, "Oh, well, this is what I need to do. This is what's expected," you know, get a promotion...

[00:10:20] Scott Anthony Barlow: This is what you do. You just keep going up no matter whether or not it's actually a good thing for you. Yes, that's 100%.

[00:10:26] Jackie Meister: Yeah. Keep climbing. I think when she retired, I did think about it a lot, and I knew I didn't wanna take that position. And I think the position was taken away anyway, so it wasn't even an option. They restructured. I made the slow change to decide I wanted to go back to school, and I think I probably still do.

[00:10:46] Made like a long-term plan with my new supervisor to transition back to a care manager role. I was doing all, like, I was slowly planning my exit from this position. As I was doing that, I was feeling better and better, like this was good. But I knew a whole part of my life was also not healthy and not good, which my relationship.

[00:11:09] It was hard, and I really didn't realize how bad it was, again, until looking back on it. It just all kinda happened at once and was not planned. It was done in a way that I tried everything. You know, I tried everything. We tried everything. I think the biggest thing was my kids were getting impacted.

[00:11:28] As you can see, I can tolerate a lot and kinda just muscle through things, but when my kids were suffering too and I could see that, I think it was easier to make that decision.

[00:11:39] Scott Anthony Barlow: I can definitely, definitely empathize with hard decisions and recognizing that if you don't make that decision, it's impacting, continuing to impact your kids.

[00:11:52] That hits home for me in a lot of different ways. You know, you're in this situation where you recognize that so many different pieces of your life that you thought were gonna be a fit, you've done the work to try and figure out, like, could they fit, would they fit, and then they don't. How did you move forward from there?

[00:12:13] Jackie Meister: It was a big leap. I didn't know if it was gonna work out, but I just knew I couldn't keep going in the same direction. I knew I needed help and support, and at that point in time, I was feeling... I don't think I realized I needed the support that I needed. I was just trying to do it on my own.

[00:12:31] I think the more and more I reached out to people for support, the more it felt right. Like, I started making more connections, and things just started to work out. So it started out slow. I knew I had to make a change. I think the more I moved in that direction, it's just the more the universe kind of gave me people and places and things that just worked out, and it was like, yeah, this is hard, but it's right. It feels right.

[00:12:59] Scott Anthony Barlow: Let's talk about that. What's an example of where you didn't know if it was gonna work out, but you ended up reaching out or making connections or, you know, putting yourself out into the universe to some degree, and the universe responded?

[00:13:14] Jackie Meister: Well, I think just this job that I have now. I knew a friend of a friend that was working here and connected with her, and she said, "Hey, they're having a job fair, and they're hiring." So I showed up and just met, like, the same feeling I got with my previous manager that was so supportive. The new manager at the job fair, we just clicked, and we connected, and I had that same feeling.

[00:13:41] And when she gave me a tour, I actually ran into one of the nurses that used to be, when I was a manager, she was one of the nurses, and she is just a master at picking good cultures and good, like, good teams. She used to work in HR, so she...

[00:14:01] Scott Anthony Barlow: Ah, she's had some experience then.

[00:14:03] Jackie Meister: That's right. That's right. And so, of course, she recommended me for hire with her, you know, that manager, my manager that's current. So I got to interview different teams. So there were a few teams within this hospital that were hiring. And, you know, there's different culture pockets, you know, there's different dynamics with the teams.

[00:14:26] And when I got to this nurse that I used to work with, her team, oh, they were just so amazing. They're just, you know, women that you would just like to hang out with, you know? So, they were all positive and I just felt this like a whole body yes to this situation.

[00:14:42] So, I was joking with Ben. I didn't even have to apply to the position. I got through the whole interview process, and they're like, "Oh yeah, you didn't apply yet, so you need to do that before we hire you." So it was just, yeah, it was just good. It was good connections.

[00:14:59] Scott Anthony Barlow: When you do a great job of engineering a situation, the, "Oh yeah, you should probably apply to this after we've already made the decision," that type of event is what occurs after you have done a great job creating that situation, we'll call it.

[00:15:16] So really nice work there. What I'm curious about, it sounds like you knew a lot more of what those pieces were that you were looking for this time around, and it's always an evolution. Like, that'll happen for the rest of our lives, right? But you knew a lot more about what you were looking for in this situation.

[00:15:34] So tell me a little bit about what were the pieces that made it a great fit for you, and how did you get to learn what those pieces were?

[00:15:42] Jackie Meister: Yeah. So for this job in particular, a lot of it is to do with connections and feeling connected with people, making, you know, a meaningful purpose in my job, so I get to, you know, work directly with patients and help them, and I get to meet them in the clinic but then also, you know, over the phone. So it's more face-to-face. And...

[00:16:02] Scott Anthony Barlow: But you knew that you needed that too because you'd had that previous experience where you had gone mostly remote, and that was not a great thing for you in that same way. You didn't get the type of connection that you were looking for, right?

[00:16:14] Jackie Meister: Exactly. And then just the face-to-face connection with the team, you know? I had two offers that I was working with, so this position and then another position. And I was thinking, gosh, this other position was work from home mostly but just go into the office once a day or once a week. We're on the phone most of the day with the patients, and it would've been an easy job.

[00:16:35] I was talking to Ben, I'm like, maybe I need this because, you know, I've had so much other [00:16:40] change, but then we looked at our values and like what is my body really telling me, and it's, hey, I need more connection. And so like sometimes the easy job is not the best fit.

[00:16:49] Scott Anthony Barlow: Yeah. Have you ever had multiple job offers in your life before, or is this the first time that that's happened?

[00:16:54] Jackie Meister: That was the first... Yeah, that was the first time.

[00:16:58] Scott Anthony Barlow: So what was that like for you? What was great about that for you? What was challenging about that for you?

[00:17:02] Jackie Meister: It was great because I had, you know, choices. I could see what I really wanted, and I could kind of see, you know, compare the two, and take the time to do that.

[00:17:10] But also, it's a lot of decisions, you know? At the same time, it's very stressful. Like, am I making the right decision? And, you know, there's a big fork in the road.

[00:17:18] Scott Anthony Barlow: These are what we call good problems, right? It's still a problem, but these are good problems. Arguably great problems.

[00:17:24] So I'm curious, from your perspective, what was that like, and what advice would you give to other people who are going through those same types of challenges, where they're going through a career change and a divorce at the same time?

[00:17:35] Jackie Meister: That was a part of it, is knowing that you only have, you know, this one life to live. And if you're aware things not working, and if you tried to make them work, and you know something has to change, I think it's that realization that you don't have to be stuck. You can make this change. And it might not be popular, and it might not be logical to others, but I think when you get to the space of life, it's like you don't care anymore.

[00:18:00] You know it's not working, and you don't have to stay in a situation that's not working for you. I think that was a big part of why I felt so okay with making all these changes is because I wanna be that example for my kids, too. You know, what kind of example would I be if I, you know, just stuck with things even though they weren't working and just because that's what everyone else does or that that's what's expected of me.

[00:18:23] Scott Anthony Barlow: Thank you for doing that. Like, what you've done for yourself and you know, what you've done partially for your kids, too, as well, it is inspiring, and that'll help other people, too. I really appreciate it.

[00:18:37] Jackie Meister: Thank you.

[00:18:38] Scott Anthony Barlow: And if you've listened to very many episodes of the Happen To Your Career podcast, you know that this is the entire reason our company exists, to help you find meaningful work that actually fits what you're looking for, help you build the life you want, and figure out how work fits within it.

[00:18:52] So if you're ready to take control of your career journey and find work that aligns with your strengths, we'd love to help. All you have to do is just pause this right now and drop me an email, scott@happentoyourcareer.com. Just shoot me an email. Put 'Conversation' in the subject line.

[00:19:08] Scott@happentoyourcareer.com. I'll connect you with my team, the specific team member who can help with your unique situation. That's all you need to do. Drop me an email right now.