600: Feeling Stuck? Moving from Burned Out to Building a Career You Love

Kristen Rocco 00:01

I think I opened myself up, finally, to the possibility of something else in my future. And I finally started to put more into myself, learning about myself, discovering myself.

Introduction 00:20

This is the Happen To Your Career podcast with Scott Anthony Barlow. We hope you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does, and make it happen. We help you define the work that is unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you feel like you were meant for more, and you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:46

Everyone's heard the whole proverb about "The best time to plant a tree is, you know, 20 years ago. And next best time to plant a tree, right now." Okay. Well, here's the thing, what if you could start planting a tree in the form of doing the work now, just little tiny bit by little tiny bit, to decide what it is that you want to spend your time doing? What you want to spend your time doing in the form of a career, what you want to spend your time doing in the other areas of your life too? Well, I'll tell you that, if you do that, it can make a massive, massive change for you when something unexpected happens.

Kristen Rocco 01:30

It took me a while to depersonalize it. From, "Oh, this is me. I just need to find how I can fit in and get it right." versus, like, "No, I'm never gonna get it right. This isn't the right environment for me."

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:44

That's Kristen Rocco. Kristen had been in PR Communications and Marketing for the entirety of her career, but she had started to feel burned out and like she was no longer aligned with her role. Kristen was sick of feeling stuck, and she knew deep down that a change was absolutely necessary, so she began working with a coach. Just as she was making progress on what more fulfilling work would look like, life threw her curveball. She was unexpectedly laid off, but because of the work that she had been putting in, Kristen was able to look at this as an opportunity. She had already done the groundwork, and now she could fully embrace what she had built, which happened to be her very own content marketing business, and podcast. I want you to listen to how Kristen got unstuck and how she figured out what she wanted to pursue for her own business. Here's Kristen sharing where her career first began.

Kristen Rocco 02:39

I started 15 years ago in PR, it's how I got my first step into this, you know, area of marketing, and I was planning and producing and helping my clients tell their stories in the press. And it was a really interesting time to start in marketing broadly and then PR specifically because the space was evolving in such a fast way. So when I came into PR, social media was just getting going, and so we were taking advantage of social media for business and trying to figure out how businesses could benefit from social media outreach to their potential audiences. So got my hands dirty with that. And then again, about five years later, content marketing was kind of new to the scene, and then it was like, "Oh, wow. In addition to reaching out to the media with pitches and story ideas, we can actually write these stories and produce these articles for our clients, and create editorial calendars and build out all of their own media for them." So I was able to get into that kind of early on and out the gate. And so that's kind of how my career went over the first eight years. And then after I moved from New York City to Atlanta, I decided to take a break from corporate America for a while and start a new business called Love Notary, where I brought storytelling to the wedding industry and started helping engaged couples document their love stories. And so it was a really interesting business because I was able to define a new category in the wedding industry, right? There was, I don't know if you're familiar with the New York Times vows section, but it was kind of like that, but bringing it to the more general market, right? Because that was kind of for fluent, elite celebrities and people to get their stories told in that way. And I just thought that it was cool to give engaged couples this legacy throughout their wedding planning process. So I did that for a couple of years full time, and then I decided again to go back into corporate America, this time really trying to focus in on content marketing, just because, in addition to the creativity of the storytelling, I also have a real business mindset and very strategic mindset, and so it was cool to me that I could couple the creativity with the business side of it and drive leads for businesses through their content marketing approaches. So that is kind of what took me through the 15 years of my career and then reached out to you all to help me think about what my next transition would be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:28

What caused you to say, "Okay, it's time for me to make another transition." Tell me about what you remember.

Kristen Rocco 05:38

Yeah. I think it was a particular event over time. In my last job, I started to feel really out of alignment with, not the role, I loved what I was doing. Of course, you can see I'm very passionate about my space, content marketing and storytelling, but the way in which we operated as a team felt very out of alignment with how I wanted to do my work, and that took a while to come to a realization that it wasn't me that didn't fit into that equation, that that company didn't fit into my equation, if that makes sense. I think I took a lot of... it took me a while to depersonalize it from, "Oh, this is me. I just need to find how I can fit in and get it right", versus, like, "No, I'm never gonna get it right. This isn't the right environment for me." And so that's kind of what led me to Happen To Your Career, and I did a lot more discovery around those themes while I was doing the coaching, but initially it was because I felt very out of alignment with my role and the team, I guess.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:55

What caused you to begin to realize, or what caused you to realize that, "No, it's actually just not in alignment with what I want or what I need", as opposed to, "I need to", as you said, the opposite way, you know, "I'm trying to fit myself into this thing, and I might be doing something wrong." Do you remember what caused you to realize that it was the polar opposite?

Kristen Rocco 07:17

I mean, I think it was feeling demoralized on a day to day basis. I think it came down to that feeling, but if I were to think about it from more tactical points, I think I had a lack of control over my calendar. There were meetings six hours a day that people just plopped on my calendar, and I can't shed all responsibility, or I would need to have meetings, because we had so many things to do that were all conflicting priorities that needed to be done at once or at relatively the same amount of time, and so we just needed to get the work done, and it caused a lot of overwhelm, and locked up my calendar so that I spent the majority of my days in meetings and not having enough focus time to complete my actual work. And I think that day after day after day causes burnout, and then also not, I think that culture plays into it a lot too, and I think that the culture that was at this organization was a very challenging culture, not necessarily a culture of praise and a complimentary culture. And for me, I have thick skin. I worked in PR for eight years and had to get rejections almost every single day, multiple times a day, so that wasn't the case. But everybody needs a sense that they're moving in the right direction, they're doing great things, otherwise, they're just not going to feel satisfied in their job. And this culture didn't allow for me to feel like I was recognized for my best work. And so the combination of those things made me know that I needed to make a switch.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:00

So when you first started working on that, working on that switch, and I'm really thankful that we got the opportunity to help and sit side saddle with you on that. But what was hardest for you when you first started moving through that and doing the work about, like, what comes next?

Kristen Rocco 09:21

Yeah, I think I've said this a couple times, too, in variety different situations. I think that my brain was so locked into a daily just like a demoralized capacity, if that makes sense. And so seeing opportunity was challenging initially, and understanding what possibilities were challenging, initially. Being curious. My coach would ask me, "What are you curious about?" And I remember thinking, "I don't know. I don't know what I'm curious about", because I was just so focused on getting through everyday, and then trying to relax and power myself up for the next day that I really didn't spend enough time thinking about all of those other things, right? And I think I opened myself up, finally, to the possibility of something else in my future, and I let go of trying to control or not even let go of control, but I finally started to put more into myself, learning about myself, discovering myself through the process. Actually, it's a little bit like therapy, you know. But learning about myself more along the way, from a work sense, like values, what I wanted out of my life, and then what success looked like to me, how I define freedom, all those kind of things, so those were some challenges initially, it's just getting out of my own way, basically, and removing the blockers of what I was currently sludging through, because it did feel like a sludge to see that a brighter possibility on the other side of it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:09

Okay, so here's my question for you, then. When you started moving down that path of beginning to explore again for the first time in a while, what really created some level of extraordinary for you, not just what you're curious about, but what could be amazing for you, what did you find helped move you down that path, and what did you learn about yourself as you were beginning to move down that path?

Kristen Rocco 11:37

Yeah, so initially I was following the modules and going through the progression to get to the ideal career profile. And I was serious about that, right? Like it wasn't just something that I was trying to get through. I was actually putting time, attention, and detail into those questions and trying to think about what I wanted to be doing, and how I wanted to approach the work. And I'll say that I didn't necessarily know at the time that I wanted to do what I'm doing now, which is consulting, but I knew how I wanted to feel, right, that was a big factor in trying to figure out the next step. And then I think what I did, I tried to think about how I wanted to feel on a day to day basis, and connect that to organizations that could help me feel that way. And so looking for organizations that publicly, I guess, had a great culture, and then privately, trying to suss out whether that was true, and then really thinking when I was in interview processes, interviewing them as much as they were interviewing me to make sure that the culture was going to be really aligned with who I am. Again, that's what I felt out of alignment at my other job, or maybe I never fell out of alignment with it, which is more than just not knowing what I was getting into when I joined initially, and, you know, some things changed along the way as well, so that all kind of plays in as well. But thinking about how I wanted to feel and thinking about culture fit that would be the right place for me, and then also I was like, "Maybe I want to work for a mission driven company or something that was more connected to a bigger... something that had a little bit bigger meaning and purpose than the organization that I was in at the time." And so that's how I started. And then, you know, I think once I started answering those questions and putting more focus and energy into it, I was able to kind of identify companies and other things that way. But I also then, you know, started to, the visioning worksheet really sticks out in my brain, actually, because it was all about, "what do you envision your typical day to be like?" And again, I got to tell you, I was like, "Oh man, I haven't thought about this in so long, or in this way that what is even possible. When I close my eyes to imagine it, what would I even think?" But I was able to get through that and really come up with something that I thought would really fulfill me. And so I talked about in there, "I would like to have a variety of conversations with interesting people, and be able to share my insights with them and have them share their insights with me so that we can collaboratively bring more into the world, more learnings, more opportunity into the world, to help educate people and help them along on their journeys." And I said I wanted to work with a variety of different types of people, and I can't remember all the specifics in there, but basically it was a lot of connecting with people. It was a lot of empowerment messaging and just inspiring people as well. And so then that helped me think a little bit more about myself, I suppose, and like what my values are. And my coach helped me too, right? She looked at the visioning statement, pointed out some of the themes to help reflect that to me what I was saying, like, "Oh, this to me, sounds like you, you know, want to blah, blah, blah." And so I was like, "Oh, yeah, that really does resonate. I love how you sum that up. That speaks to me." And then we talked about, like, "Okay, well, what are my values?" And getting more into the personal side of things and less on the business side of things to kind of help bridge both of them together. And so then through that process, I was able to make a lot of progress.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:45

Okay, so here's my question to you then. You know, when you, let's fast forward here for just a moment, because what ended up happening is you're doing all this work to define what the next step looks like, and is becoming more and more clear that there needs to be a next step for you, and then at some point you experienced a layoff, right? So tell me a little bit about that and how it happened, and then also bring us up till now.

Kristen Rocco 16:14

Yeah, so at the beginning of the year, in January, my first session with Phillip, he said to me like, he's like, "As you reflect back on the year, what would you tell yourself at the start of all of this that you wish you would have known? You know, something to that effect. And I said, "I would have quit my job" or something like that. So I think I spoke this layoff into existence, to be honest. But yes, I worked in a technology company, and I think kind of, February was a time where there, and still there's a lot of volatility, and there's a lot of speculation on what's going to happen. And so my company did lay off some people, and I was part of that. It was the first time I had been laid off in my career, and I surprised myself completely with my reaction to it, because I feel like the old Kristen would have been really scared, fearful, anxious, overwhelmed, like, "Oh no, what do I do now?" But I was... I flew. Actually, the day I got laid off, the very next day, I had a family wedding in Florida that I was flying to. And so I was like, "Oh my gosh, this is great. I just got laid off, and I get to go party with all my family now, how amazing." And so it was just a choice that I made to not live in that, like, quote, what I consider or how I can relate it to, like playing small. I'm going to embrace this, and I've done a lot of work over the last eight months to push myself and know myself better to go into the right next fit for me. So I'm going to make a choice to not do things the old Kristen way and celebrate this that it's just that push forward to the next best version of myself. And so I took the weekend dancing away at the wedding, and then came back here, and I guess five days later, when I got back, I started creating my consulting website and putting together, not necessarily business plan, but my thought processes on how I was going to go to market with a new content marketing consulting business, which kind of comes full circle around why I now call myself a storytelling entrepreneur, because I have weaved in and out of corporate America, but I started the love notary business, which is storytelling in the wedding industry. And now I'm doing my own business again, this time focused on content marketing, support for businesses, and so I'm just really excited about this next chapter. But, yeah, it all kind of led to an unexpected conclusion because I didn't, obviously, I wouldn't have thought that I was going to be laid off. I thought I would make the transition myself, and I am a really, like, high performer. So it's not like, I mean, layoffs can happen to anybody. It doesn't matter your performance level when it's related to the recession or the economic environment. But I think that it happened to me this time because finally my mind was open and had wanted to go in another direction, and this was like the kick in the pants to just do it. Because I don't know, I was still very scared to quit myself without having complete confidence on what the next step looked like for me. And now I didn't have a choice. I had to get this website stood up, put thought process into how this is going to deliver services to my clients, and get the word out. And I'll say that I launched my business about a month after I was laid off, and after that, I was fortunate enough to... and I can't be more grateful for the people who showed up for me and my network. But I got a lot of referrals, and I now have a couple of clients that I'm working with full time, so I'm really excited about this.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:22

I'm excited for you, and I know I had told you that already before we hit record. However, it also begs the question of it's really, first of all, fun for us to sit here and talk about this now, is seeing that some things have worked out, but it's also easy for us to do so and that it's already happened. So what I'm curious about is, what do you feel like you did that allowed you to be able to make those choices differently when the layoff happened? Because I suspect, as you said, the old Kristen would have done it differently, and you also said that you made the conscious choice to behave differently after it happened, but what allowed you to make that choice? Because I don't think it was just, it wasn't just like, "Well, I'm gonna make a choice and everything's gonna be okay." Like, there's probably some things that happened that got you to that point or that you did.

Kristen Rocco 21:21

Yeah, yes. I want to say, like, going back to my strengths, like I'm an achiever. I'm going to do all the work, and I'm going to put in all the activities. And so what first had to happen for me to be able to do what I did was a mindset shift. And so I know we talked about it in terms of a choice that I made to be optimistic, to know that there were possibilities out there, to not let overwhelm and fear get in my way. And that was a really important shift for me. I really had previously kind of operated out of a scarcity mindset, and I was able to finally make an adjustment to an abundance mindset, and so that was really important for me. But my achiever mode and my ability to just keep pushing and excelling got me to this place where, "Okay, I now have no work to return to tomorrow, so I have to guide what I'm going to do." And I said to myself, "I could either start submitting a thousand resumes a month, or I could submit proposals to clients who might be interested in working with me one on one." And so I'm like, "Why not give the consulting route a shot? What's the worst thing that can happen? You know, I don't get, you know, a new business or whatever, and then I can just go and apply for jobs." And so I chose to count on myself and go all in on me this time around, and not leave the decision making in the hands of a recruiter or a hiring manager, but rely on the fact that I've been doing this for 15 years, and I know what I'm talking about, and I deliver great value to all of my clients I've had previously all the organizations I've been in, and do it for myself. And so that's what I chose this time around to submit proposals.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:29

I think that something that's really fun there is that you, and this probably comes from your strategy strength, I would imagine, recognized that if we're pulling out and saying, "I'm gonna spend the time doing something in order to..."

Kristen Rocco 23:45

I'm not going to be the person that's gonna Netflix and chill.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:50

Yeah. So if you're gonna spend the time doing something, there are multiple choices about what that something could be, whether it is, as you said, "I'm gonna submit resumes, or I'm going to do things to be able to a lead to a job", or "I'm going to use that same time to submit those proposals." So I think first of all, that's really cool that you had that recognition that it doesn't just have to be... the thing doesn't just have to be, "Oh well, obviously I need to get to submitting my resumes now. Like, okay, all right, let's move on." So after that, though, it also seems like the other thing that is really pretty cool about that is you were able to connect back that choice to all of the other mindset shifts that you have had along the way that enabled you to understand that that was the right choice for you.

Kristen Rocco 24:44

Yeah, that's a good point too, because when you are your own operating your own business, there is a lot of uncertainty naturally with this path. I don't have the consistency of a paycheck every two weeks. These contracts will eventually come to an end, and I will be looking for new clients again. And I did need that shift in my mindset to be able to do this effectively, because otherwise I could get way too deep into being scared of not getting new clients to let that affect my work product with my current clients, right? Or, you know, however, that could manifest within my business and what I'm doing on a day to day basis. And so, but now, I have everything sort of calendared out in terms of how I'm going to approach my time on a week to week basis. I have given a number of client hours that I need to fulfill weekly, and then I segment out, okay, these are the couple of hours every week I'm putting towards new business, and I'm going to work on that this time this week. And I know I just can kind of feel it in my gut that things will work out, and even if they they don't work out on my timeline, that laying those seeds always grow flowers, and so it's a matter of being patient and just continuing to plant the seeds or put one foot in front of the other to do the work that you know is gonna produce the outcome that you want. So that's kind of where I am right now in terms of my mindset and approaching all of my responsibilities with as being a business owner.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:33

So let me ask you this then. Let's go all the way back for a moment to where you were at the point in time where, like, "What am I curious about? Like, why are you even asking me that question? I don't understand. I'm not in a place to be curious." But let's go way back there, to that point in your life, what advice would you have for someone who is sort of living that right now and recognizes that they need to make a change, wants to make a change, but isn't totally sure, like what or how or when or when, what advice would you give to that person?

Kristen Rocco 27:10

I think that the word... there's two words that come to mind for me when you ask me that question. The first word is stuck. I totally know how this person feels. They feel stuck in their current situation and unsure about how to get out of their situation. And then the other thing that's coming up for me is recognizing that feeling is important, but also knowing that you can unstuck yourself by doing the work, and the work looks a lot like what we do in the program. But there's also another thing, way that I look at this, and I've learned this through coaching as well. That the how, right, so like, "How do I get to the next step? How do I find the job? How do I reach out to that recruiter?" Whatever the how is, the how isn't as important as the who, which is, I know what you coach through the program, right? And which is, it's all about reaching out to people to learn more and find out more about what they do, and making connections with people, so you can start evaluating these things. But the reward really is in the who, because that's how the how comes. And so I just recommend that people think not about the process of the how, but who can they meet that is going to open their eyes up to what the possibility is. And so I think that my advice is focused on meeting people, asking a lot of questions, and building your connections, because it's the who that's going to help you get from where you are today to where you want to go in the future.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:00

Most of the episodes you've heard on Happen To Your Career showcase stories of people that have taken the steps to identify and land careers that they are absolutely enamored with, that match their strengths, and are really what they want in their lives. If that's something that you're ready to begin taking steps towards, that's awesome. And we want to figure out how we can help. So here's what I would suggest. Take the next five seconds to open up your email app and email me directly. I'm gonna give you my personal email address, scott@happentoyourcareer.com. Just email me and put 'Conversation' in the subject line. And when you do that, I'll introduce you to someone on our team who can have a super informal conversation with and we'll figure out the very best type of help for you, whatever that looks like. And the very best way that we can support you to make it happen. So send me an email right now with 'Conversation' in the subject line.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:53

Here's a sneak peek into what we have coming up in store for you next week.

Speaker 3 29:58

I have a lot of friends that have pivoted out of corporate jobs, and they now do yoga retreats where they do instructing full time, and I see these actual physical examples of people doing what I wanted to do, and I'm like, "Oh, I can't do that."

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:14

We all have a place where we feel comfortable and natural in our actions, where we're excited about life and happy to be ourselves. But what if you could feel like that all the time, even when you're working? I've heard people say, "I feel like I have to be a different person at work", or "I feel like I'm living two different lives." Many times throughout my years working in HR operations and interacting with clients at HTYC, I've heard this over and over again. Well, it turns out work doesn't have to be this way. To thrive at work, you must first figure out where you feel most like yourself and where you can be more of who you want to become.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:55

All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Make sure that you don't miss it, and if you haven't already, click subscribe on your podcast player, so that you can download this podcast in your sleep, and you get it automatically, even the bonus episodes every single week, sometimes multiple times a week, until next week. Adios, I'm out.