655: Making Networking Natural (Even If You Think You’re Bad At It)

(00:00) Laura MacDonald: It was a bit embarrassing for me sometimes, but I felt like I was really putting someone out.

(00:06) Scott Anthony Barlow: That's how a lot of us feel about networking.

(00:08) Lisa Vu: I was a little nervous about am I bothering them.

(00:12) Scott Anthony Barlow: Negative, like we're irritating someone.

(00:15) Laura MacDonald: I don't know why networking feels like such a scary or like dirty...

(00:21) Scott Anthony Barlow: Here's what I've discovered after helping thousands of people make career changes– most people believe they are bad at networking. But what if that wasn't true? What if you were actually great at it, and everything you've been taught about networking is wrong?

(00:35) Natalie Bernero: The biggest surprise was that even though you're putting yourself in that uncomfortable situation, you just kind of gotta do it. And then you realize that you're capable and people are willing to talk to you.

(00:44) Scott Anthony Barlow: The most successful career changers I know aren't the smooth-talking, natural networkers. They're people like Laura and Natalie, and Lisa, introverts, researchers, analytical thinkers who found ways to make networking feel natural and genuine.

In this episode, you'll hear how they put themselves out there, learn to build real relationships, made new friends, and best of all, how it led to work that fits them. That's right. Real job offers without being fake or not genuine. And if you're an introvert or networking is outside your comfort zone, then this episode might be exactly what you need.

This is Happen to Your Career, the podcast that brings you real people, real transformations, and the courage to do work that truly fits. And if you haven't already subscribed, click Follow right now so you don't miss any new episodes. Here's Natalie.

(01:36) Natalie Bernero: My full name is Natalie Bernero, and these days I am a financial analyst for a vacation rental company.

(01:43) Scott Anthony Barlow: She'd been a trust officer at a wealth management firm for five years. Good money, great mentors, respected position, but she was miserable. The high-level clients, the constant stress, that job no longer aligned with her values. She knew she needed to make a change, but there was one big problem. The breakthrough came when Natalie stopped thinking about networking and started thinking about experimenting, exploring, and just getting to know interesting people.

(02:11) Natalie Bernero: I reached out to a college alumni of mine, an old friend from college, and where he worked at a company that I was interested in. Obviously, was willing to have a conversation since we knew each other from school, but he actually ended up, after a conversation, ended up sending me an opportunity that then became the job that I took.

So I wasn't expecting much out of it other than just to talk about the company and the conversation. He was the one that ended up getting me the opportunity that I ended up taking, so those two just kind of random shots in the dark that I took throughout the reach out process ended up getting me, A, a great connection, and B, my next job.

(02:49) Scott Anthony Barlow: Notice what happened there. She didn't attend a networking event. She didn't work the room with a firm handshake and an elevator pitch. She simply reached out to someone she already knew, but it gets better.

(03:01) Natalie Bernero: I just randomly messaged a guy on LinkedIn who worked at a restaurant management company in Denver. And it was a total shot in the dark. And I wasn't, you know, I've done this before, so I wasn't expecting him to answer me, but I reached out and I said, “Hey, we have a mutual, here's our mutual thing that we have in common. I'd love to talk to you about what you do.” And he instantly got back to me and was like, we met for coffee, I think three days later,

(03:25) Scott Anthony Barlow: A total shot in the dark. That's how she described it. And it worked, but was it really as chance as it seems? Let's go back to Laura, our instructional designer.

(03:35) Laura MacDonald: My name's Laura McDonald and I'm an instructional designer for a large Canadian airline.

(03:43) Scott Anthony Barlow: Laura wasn't always in training and development. Before she made this change, just months ago, she was in customer care, and prior to that she was a flight attendant. You might be asking, “How did you make such a big career change?”

(03:55) Laura MacDonald: I didn't know anyone in the department, but I reached out to the director on LinkedIn, and he answered and said like, “I hope we get to meet in the second round.” And now he's my boss.

(04:07) Scott Anthony Barlow: She actually tracked her responses the whole way through.

(04:11) Laura MacDonald: The referrals that led to interviews, like 69% of the jobs I applied for with the referral, led to at least a first interview, versus my cold applications, where I was just applying through the career site or something like that, was 8%. So you can see, like, very clearly just from the numbers that even just a foot in the door.

(04:36) Scott Anthony Barlow: Okay. What Laura's saying here is that when she was networking, that led to an interview 69% of the time, versus when she cold applied, which only led to interviews less than 10% of the time.

That's staggering. It's also really similar to the results that we've seen with all of our clients since 2013. Even through ups and downs in the job market, networking isn't just more effective. It produces over seven times the results compared to traditional job search methods, but that still doesn't make it easy or comfortable.

Remember Lisa? She's the researcher who was nervous about LinkedIn messages.

(05:14) Lisa Vu: I would say it was hardest, or at least one of the hardest parts for me, was during the beginning of the reach out. I felt like for like two months I was just not doing anything and that didn't feel great.

(05:30) Scott Anthony Barlow: Two months, that's how long Lisa sat paralyzed because she thought she had to network her way to a new job. Here's how she describes her mindset shift.

(05:39) Lisa Vu: I think what really clicked for me to do it was like, this is just experimenting, and I started thinking kind of like a researcher, you're testing hypotheses, like you said, and there's no outcome you're aiming towards, like in research. I mean, of course, you might have things that you might, if you’re leaning towards happening, but you don't let that affect your–that's a bias, you know, let that affect your outcome. What your outcome is your outcome. And that's what you're, that's what it is. And it's not right or wrong, you know? And so, I don't know, something just clicked where I just got into a research mind and was like, if it ends up being something that doesn't work, then it doesn't work.

And that's where I find out. And I know that's what's been in your boot camp.

(06:24) Scott Anthony Barlow: This was a game-changer. Lisa stopped thinking about networking as I need to get a job from this person and started thinking about it like a scientist. I'm just gathering data.

(06:34) Lisa Vu: And then that's where I started just firing off some messages, like on LinkedIn even. I was a little nervous about that. I'm like, I haven't really done a cold message on LinkedIn before.

(06:45) Scott Anthony Barlow: Just firing off messages. Not carefully crafted, perfectly polished networking emails, just messages, because she was experimenting, not networking.

(06:56) Lisa Vu: And then of course, as predicted or as, you know, said like the actual interactions were pretty good. Like, people were very willing to talk, but most people were really willing to talk.

(07:08) Scott Anthony Barlow: It's not about the connections that you make; it's about what you learn. It's about the people that you get to meet. Lisa made a great point.

(07:16) Lisa Vu: I would say it was the practice of doing that that led me to my job, rather than the connections, but also what I learned along the way helped too. It helped for me to strike out anything like, oh, okay, maybe I don't wanna do this.

(07:33) Scott Anthony Barlow: Not the perfect pitch or the impressive contact list. The practice of having conversations with people doing work that interested them. So what does this mean for you? If you think you're bad at networking, try this instead– stop thinking about networking and start thinking about experiments and exploring. You're not trying to impress anyone or get anything. You're just curious about how other people are spending their days, spending their time at work. Stop aiming for outcomes and start aiming for insights.

Your goal isn't to get a job offer from every conversation. It's to understand what you do and what you don't want in your career. Also, stop trying to be someone you're not and start being exactly who you are. Lisa succeeded by thinking like a researcher. Natalie succeeded by being authentic and direct.

Laura succeeded because she loves connecting with other people and building relationships, and really started just integrating that into her process. Your approach is going to be uniquely yours. The truth is, if you are analytical, introverted, or prefer working independently, you might actually have an advantage here.

You're less likely to waste time on surface-level small talk. You're more likely to ask thoughtful questions and really listen to the answers, as Lisa discovered.

(08:49) Lisa Vu: I would get ahead of myself when I'm thinking about who to reach out to. It was easy for me to reach out to my friends who were in the career path I was exploring, but you know, I needed to reach out beyond that.

And so that's where I got kind of in my head, like thinking ahead, trying to predict, like, oh, they're gonna think this and that, and is that really, I was just kind of getting in my own way versus just doing it.

(09:16) Scott Anthony Barlow: Here's what Lisa, and Natalie, and Laura all discovered and what you need to know if you think you are bad at networking.

First of all, the best people at networking aren't even great at what you might think of as networking. Let's reframe it, and let's call it relationship building. It's about being genuinely curious about other people, their work, what they have going on in their lives. Both Lisa and Natalie were naturally curious.

They just needed to redirect that curiosity outward. Second, most people want to help. Stop getting in your own way. You don't actually even need to be good at networking. You just need to be curious about people and willing to have conversations about work that interests you. The best networking doesn't even feel like networking at all.

It feels like having interesting conversations with people that you find what they're doing fascinating. If you wanna dive deeper into specifically how to have these types of conversations, then you can listen to episode 537. We'll link it up. Stop doing informational interviews and start test-driving conversations. And if you can do that, if you can be curious and ask questions, then congratulations. You're already better at this than you think.

If you're ready to stop believing the stories that are actually keeping you stuck and start creating the career in the life that you want, drop me an email directly, scott@happentoyourcareer.com. Put “Conversation” in the subject line. We'll connect you with the right person on our team, and we'll figure out the very best way that we can support you.