604: Redefining Your Career Identity to Prioritize Family and Well-Being

Divya 00:01

The concept of switching jobs is something that I didn't know if it was going to be better or something that wasn't as prestigious and looked as good on paper, didn't pay as well, whatever. The risk just felt massive to me to, like, move away. I was kind of paralyzed by the anxiety of, like, okay, on paper, I'm in a great spot right now, I hate my life, but on paper, everything's great.

Introduction 00:28

This is the Happen To Your Career podcast with Scott Anthony Barlow. We hope you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does, and make it happen. We help you define the work that is unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you feel like you were meant for more, and you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:53

The career you once loved can quickly turn into a less than ideal situation when your personal life shifts or your priorities evolve. But when your career feels like a part of your identity, walking away can seem impossible. So how do you move forward when staying feels wrong, believing feels even harder?

Divya 01:10

After watching my dad go through his treatment and have had like several close calls, I kind of walked away feeling like, you know, that's what's important, it's the people I care about, the people that I love and like, our health and our well being, and being able to spend time with each other, and all of the other stuff at work that clients would call to complain about, whatever. And it was kind of my job to fix things as a salesperson, that's your job sometimes, but it all just seems so insignificant in comparison to what was going on in my personal life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:40

That's Divya. Divya worked in a high pressure sales role on the trading floor, managing complex client relationships in a fast paced environment. And for a while, it felt like the perfect fit for her, but then life threw her a curveball. When a colleague left the company, Divya was handed an overwhelming client list. Now, if that had been the only challenge, it might have been manageable, but this happened at the same time her dad was diagnosed with leukemia, and suddenly she found herself trying to juggle it all, holding everything together at work, while also needing to be there for her dad and support her family through an incredibly tough time. And she finally realized that she just couldn't power through and something needed to change. But of course, it wasn't that simple. Her career had always been a huge part of her identity. So considering stepping away, felt like she was losing a piece of herself, and that's when we got to meet her. We got to set along for the ride as Divya learned to give herself the time and space to reevaluate her priorities, and ultimately she realized that she is much, much bigger than what she does for a living. Divya does a great job of sharing the emotional complexities of leaving a job that you once loved and untangling the identity piece. She also walks through the steps she took to try and figure out her next role, from test drive conversations to strategic reach out, and how she ultimately found a new position that fits the life she truly wants.

Divya 03:07

I was never really sure what I wanted to do in my career. I didn't really have a kind of practical dream career going into undergrad. So when I hit kind of my junior year, we had a lot of on campus recruiting events, info sessions, things like that. And so I still kind of had no idea what I wanted to do. I attended as many of those as I could, and just cast a very, very wide net in terms of what I was applying to for internships for that summer. And that's kind of how I just stumbled across the industry that I'm in now. I got an internship offer from a bank, worked there that summer, got a return offer, and went back, and I kind of explored other stuff here and there, like other offers that came in, or other kind of application opportunities, but this just seemed like the best option. So it wasn't really something I sought out. It's just kind of something that where I ended up.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:57

So if you were to go back and do it over again, do you feel really positive about where you ended up, or would you have done it differently? Can't go back, but I'm curious.

Divya 04:10

I think, yeah, funny enough. I do think that the role that I ended up in, or kind of the space that I ended up in within finance, it's weirdly a good fit for my personality type. It's not project based. It's very kind of go with the flow, reactive. It's on the trading floor, so you kind of get in the morning and things happen, and you're just kind of taking care of them, blocking and tackling, very collaborative, like, we don't have cubicles or offices, we're just sitting in a bench-like style just right next to your team. So that, you know, if you describe that to me when I was recruiting, I would have said, "That sounds horrible. Please don't put me there." But hindsight is 2020 and I think that does match my personality well. I have ADHD, and I think that kind of the energy and the reactive part of being in the trading floor is really good for me, and works really well for me, like, kind of the urgency versus being on a project for, you know, two months, and you kind of have to set a routine yourself, set your own deadlines to stay on track. So I think, yeah, it worked out well for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:12

What I'm really curious about if we're going back a little bit here, I know that when you were going to transition from your last role, last opportunity, you had determined that, "Hey, this is not the best fit for me." However, also you had some things going on with your family at the same time. Can you tell me a little bit about that?

Divya 05:36

Yeah, so maybe, like, six months before I made the decision to resign, my dad was diagnosed with a type of leukemia, and so he's, you know, knock on what he's doing. Well, today he's cancer free, but back then, you know, it was obviously, kind of came out of nowhere, and he was in the hospital for almost two months, getting like intensive treatment. So as you can imagine, that kind of, you know, and he was in the hospital locally. So he was, you know, maybe 30 minutes from where I lived at the time. So it was kind of a tough situation where I felt like I was local and able to, technically, able to live my life, go to work, whatever. But my dad was in the hospital, literally fighting for his life 30 minutes away. So, you know, my workplace was very, very understanding and allowed me to take kind of extended time off, like three weeks off, to kind of spend more time at the hospital and be with my family. But I think it was just really hard to juggle having, like, being with my family and kind of focusing on that which was difficult and like draining, as you can imagine, and then also being present at work, because it is like a very kind of, you know, things come up, you can't always plan for them at work. So it's not something where you can kind of pass it off to a colleague and say, "These are the five things you need to take care of while I'm at the hospital with my dad." Like, nobody really knows what's going to happen when you're at the hospital, right? And so it was just tough to feel like I was doing a good enough job at work, but still able to be with my family the way that I wanted to, and also at the time at work, like right before my dad was admitted to the hospital, one of my senior colleagues left, and so I think at the time, I had maybe four or five pretty small clients. And after he left, I got his entire client list. So I went from like 4 or 5 to like over 40, essentially, overnight. It was just a really bad timing, like, to be stepping into a more senior role, to be picking up a lot of kind of important clients who, you know, I was a salesperson, so kind of, they need to see my face, they need to hear my voice on a regular basis. So to have that happen while I'm also like, "Hey, I'm leaving for three weeks to go sit at the hospital", it was just, yeah, really bad timing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:48

How did all of that impact your decision for what came next?

Divya 07:52

I think, you know, like I said, my team was really understanding, but ultimately, the clients also matter, and all my clients didn't necessarily know it was going on. So even though I was able to kind of juggle it, I felt like I was falling short at work. And I think also with everything happening with my dad, it just kind of put into perspective the importance of work in my life relative to other things, like, it was causing me a huge amount of stress. And like, after watching my dad go through his treatment and have had, like, several close calls, I kind of walked away feeling like, you know, that's what's important, it's the people I care about, the people that I love and like, our health and our well being, and being able to spend time with each other, and all of the other stuff at work that clients would call to complain about, whatever. And it was kind of my job to fix things as a salesperson, that's your job sometimes. But it all just seemed so insignificant in comparison to what was going on in my personal life. So I think before that, work had always felt very self encompassing for me, all encompassing for me. I was always like, you know, as a high achiever in high school, I went to, like, a very competitive college, and so I felt like very tied into my productivity and my performance, my self worth was kind of very tied up into that, but I think the experience with my dad kind of helped me to take a step back and realize, like, this is not the end-all-be-all or be-all-end-all. I always get that mixed up.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:16

Whichever way you want to go.

Divya 09:18

Yeah, this is not everything, you know. Like, there are things that matter more, and it's okay to kind of step back from this, because other things just need me more right now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:29

Yeah, that is good. So I'm also curious, you've mentioned this idea of your identity being really wrapped up in what you did and what you were achieving and everything else. Tell me a little bit about what it was like trying to, one, recognize that and then, two, attempt to untangle your identity from your work.

Divya 09:55

It was tough. It was very tough. I think it really started from a place of just like sheer panic and desperation. Like, I remember the first time I brought it up on a call with Phillip, because before that, I had never even kind of considered quitting with nothing lined up. I signed on with Phillip because I was like, "I need to find a new job and leave as soon as possible", the possibility of leaving with no plan was like never on the table for me. And I remember I came home from work one day and just, like, it had just been a long day of problems that I hadn't caused but were my responsibility to fix, and clients complaining about things that kind of, again, felt very insignificant in the face of what I had going on in my personal life, and I had my call with Phillip, and I was just like, "I just need to get out of here. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't want to go in tomorrow. I need to get out of here like yesterday." And he was like, "Have you ever considered just quitting?" And that's it. And that was when I really started to do the process of kind of like, because I think that question made me realize, "What would it feel like to quit and not have a job and, like, not have a career identity?" which I've kind of had been clinging to. It was tough. I think in the beginning, I was like, "Phillip, you're crazy" And then I started to think about how nice that would be to kind of be unburdened from that, and I started talking to my friends and family, and then they were like, "No, you're crazy."

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:26

So if we fast forward here, you did end up, well, you did, they end up leaving. So I wanted to ask you about that conversation with your friends and family because it sounded like the reaction you were getting was, "No, you're crazy." So how did you navigate through those conversations? What was that like?

Divya 11:45

Yeah, I think, yeah. The feedback from people around me, I think it was really kind of two categories. One was like, I think family concern that I was in a good spot, I had a well paying job, and things were kind of stable. I was getting promoted and kind of on the right track on paper, and I had, you know, a supportive team. So the feeling there was kind of like, don't rush into something, don't make a rash decision, because you're kind of feeling stressed by the last several months. Give it time and don't rush into it. I think the other category of concern was kind of like, "Okay, you quit, and then what?" And I think the fear was that I would feel very aimless during unemployment, kind of have a lot of difficulty with the transition back into work, or even just kind of, you know, I think interviews, I mean, they still do to a certain extent, but interviews used to make me really anxious, just kind of the thought of putting myself out there, applying to different jobs, like, I used to get really, really nervous about all that stuff. And so the fear was kind of like, that they didn't want me to be unemployed and feel like I didn't have anything going for me, didn't know what was going on, and like, have a difficult time kind of navigating, you know. And at the time, I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna do something completely different. I'm not coming back to this industry." So, I think that's really where. So, you know, it was... everyone was kind of looking out for my best interest, luckily, there was nobody who was downright unsupportive. But I think that's really, that were the two big categories.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:12

Everybody cared and wanted to spare you some potential bad situation that they perceived could happen. That's really interesting. And I think that's what a lot of people experience when they make a decision like that. And to be really clear, I've left a job, actually, two jobs with nothing else lined up in one way or another. And it is not the right decision for everyone. It's on very much on a case by case basis. Not everybody should do that. But you did, and it worked out. And I think that what's really interesting out of that, to me, is I hear you talk about those two categories of friends and family is that, on one hand, they care about you, and they are wanting to spare you those potentially bad things. Also, I hear you saying things like, "Hey, I used to get incredibly nervous when I was going through these types of activities, like. applying for jobs and certain types of job interviews and everything like that." And it sounds like you in going through that potentially challenging situation, experiencing some level of growth through that as well. You're nodding okay. Tell me more about that. Yeah.

Divya 14:29

Yeah. I mean, I think part of it was just the process that I went through with Phillip, going through the strength exercises, talking with him, getting his feedback. You know, when I was ready to kind of get back into reaching out to companies and interviewing, we did a mock interview, and he kind of helped me a lot with the prep, and kind of, I think eventually getting positive feedback from him. And I did a mock interview with Megan, and, you know, from her, I think I finally started to allow myself to believe that, like, I presented well in interviews, and I was able to do it, and I think, so part of it was kind of just going through that process, which was super, super helpful, and much felt so much different than when I had tried to prepare for interviews on my own. Because I think it's really hard for me, and most people, I guess, to see ourselves objectively. I think I tend to definitely downplay accomplishments, or kind of downplay positives that I might have. And so having Phillip there as a coach to be like, "You're underselling this, you're undercutting yourself. Don't do that. And you should play this up more" was super helpful. I was like, impartial third party. I mean, I like to believe that he likes me as a person, but as my coach to kind of go in there and be like, "On paper, these are your strengths, and you should be speaking to them more." I think also the other part of it was just reflecting more on my previous job where I think I had, I struggled a lot with imposter syndrome in my last goal, and so I think it was really hard for me to recognize when I did a good job there. And so I remember, I can't remember what all five of my strengths were, but like most of them had to do with kind of communicating or working with people. And I just remember being kind of surprised by that because I never, I don't know, I always had this fear that, like, people secretly didn't like me at work, because it's such a social job– you're always on, you're always talking to people. And so it kind of forced me to reflect and be like, "Well, actually, like, I think I was pretty good at that", and recognize other areas that I was good at with some distance from the job and distance from all the anxiety that I used to get while I was in it, I think helped me to kind of look back and identify where I was good and not feel as kind of strongly negative about the places where I could have or where I could improve.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:44

Yeah, that's fascinating. So it sounds like for you, it was really highly important that, on one hand, since you were making a lot of your day to day decisions and continuing to stay at that past role because of fear of what might happen, it required you getting distance from that in order to get that perspective about what really is actually happening here. Turns out, you're very good at interacting with other people, you communicate incredibly well. People like you, and it was hard to see that because the anxiousness and fear would get in the way when, you know, back when. So making the space sounded critical for you. What else? You know, if you think back to what was critical in making this change for you.

Divya 17:37

You mean, what kind of helped me to make the decision, or what made it positive once I made the decision?

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:44

Well, let's talk specifically about a couple portions of the process, if that's okay. So one of the things I think that you did really well was you experimented with quite a few different avenues. So you went through, you made the decision to leave, you did leave, and that was a hard decision, and it turned out to be the right decision. So that's amazing. And as you, later on, started or continued to make the change, you were experimenting with those different avenues, and they were pretty wide reaching, if I remember correctly, you had things like different graduate programs you were considering, was pastry chef on the list at one point, you were considering a lot of different avenues. So tell me a little bit about what you were considering and how you went through and progressed to deciding, "what directions should I go?"

Divya 18:40

Yeah. I definitely explored far beyond kind of my industry. Yeah, I think it was really from Phillip's encouragement. He, at the time, was like, "You just did this big thing. You quit. You never thought you would be able to do that. And the world is your oyster. So don't, kind of limit yourself. Just go crazy, like, whatever you think you might be interested in." Because I really, truly, like, didn't know. I didn't quit with anything particular in mind. I just knew that I didn't like what I was doing. So yeah, I kind of just thought about the things that I like, you know, as hobbies in my personal life, and the things that I'm kind of interested in, like, topics that I'm interested in. And yeah, I landed on pastry as one of them. I like baking in my spare time. I have an uncle who's a pastry chef. So, like, there's a little bit of connection there. Health care. And, like, the health industry was another big one. I think, mainly driven by my experience with my dad. And so that took the form of, like, I know, I looked into, like, a few different grad programs, and then I was looking at companies in the health tech industry. So yeah, it was really just a function of, "look at what you do enjoy" because I was kind of coming at it with a very blank slate and see, like, what can we pull from the things that you enjoy in your personal life, and what jobs are out there that might fit those boxes.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:57

How did you decide not to pursue some of those options? Like, for example, pastry chef, or either of the graduate programs.

Divya 20:06

Yeah, I think, well, for pastry, I think it just came down to a lifestyle situation. I just don't think the lifestyle of a pastry chef. Ironically, when I was reading about it, and when I talked to my uncle about it, it sounds like a very similar environment to the trading floor, and that it's like, high urgency, you know, people aren't always... there can be yelling and there can be cursing, and people aren't always, like, sugar coating stuff. And, yeah, so it sounds very similar, but not in a way that I kind of wanted to go back to. And it's something that I do as a hobby. So I kind of felt like I didn't want to ruin that by making it something stressful for myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:40

Yeah, that's really interesting. I think that's always a question that comes up for people. Not always, I shouldn't say always. Many times, it is a question that comes up for people that we get to help through, navigate through these decisions where it's like, "Hey, I know that I love this. I could see myself diving further into this. But is that going to ruin the experience that I have and the relationship that I have with this type of activity? Because it's fun and it's a hobby. And do I want it to be more than a hobby?" And I think that's a legitimate question. It sounds like for you, in this case, that would not have been a good decision for multiple reasons, not just the hobby side.

Divya 21:19

Right. Yeah, exactly. I think also like, yeah, I think the stress would kind of come from, "I would want to be a high achiever." and then it would also be, like, financially, I'm 28 now, I was 26-27 when I was going through this process. And so it felt like, you know, I'm still in a phase where I want to be saving as much as I possibly can. You know, I'm getting married next year. I want to have a family, probably. So that was kind of on my mind too, and I didn't want it to turn into something where I'm like, I know that opening like a pastry business and running it would be incredibly stressful. So, yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:57

Yeah. So it doesn't line up. So it sounds like you moved that off the list. That makes a ton of sense. I think those are really important pieces to recognize. What about the graduate programs?

Divya 22:08

Yeah, the grad programs, I think, you know, I kind of eventually narrowed down to psychology and physical therapy as the two areas that I was most interested in, and those are still on the table for me, I think. I just, I don't know, I didn't feel like I was ready at the time to jump into a grad program. I think those are, like, complete pivots from my background, so it would kind of require, like, probably a year of taking prerequisites. Yeah. So I kind of, now I'm looking at it as something that I could explore for a second career, when I'm done with this one. Whereas at the time, it just felt overwhelming to think about, you know, I just took some time off from work, and now I'm going to jump into a grad program that could be four, or five, six years, paying tuition and kind of not being able to work for that duration of time just felt like a bit too much of a stretch for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:01

Yeah, and it didn't fit what you wanted, it sounds like, during that four or five or six years. But I think what's really interesting, I love how you're thinking about this, though, and not that, "Hey, I made this decision. Now, I can never go to a graduate program that I was potentially interested in." You're saying, instead, I hear you saying that, "Hey, this could be a future potential. I've not taken these fully off the table, even though it wasn't right for right now" or what was right now at that time. That's really cool. It really, truly is an iteration. And I love that you're looking at it like that.

Divya 23:34

Yeah, I actually, I think part of what helped me have that perspective is I spoke with somebody who I happened to meet while I was going through this process with Phillip, who is a psychologist now. And she started her career as a lawyer, and I think went back to school to get her doctorate in psychology in her early 30s, I believe. So that was kind of, that's what made me realize, like, "Okay, you know, I don't have to do it right now. It's not like the gates closed." So that helped me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:04

That's amazing. And I think that's part of the benefit for being able to go and have interactions with other people that have done these things or had these experiences, is you can pull from what's going to be useful to you as you're making decisions. So nice work. That's not always. It's easy to talk about on a podcast like this, and it's another thing, in its entirety, to go and actually do that. So nice job.

Divya 24:28

Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:29

Yeah. So another thing I was really curious about, how did this particular opportunity that you're in now, how did that happen? You sort of take me through like beginning to end, because there's a lot of things that you did, as far as going from deciding where you wanted to spend your time and what could be potential options, eliminating options, like we talked about earlier, but eventually you accepted an opportunity, right? So how did that happen? Can you, sort of, take me through beginning to end. What did you? What did you say? What did it?

Divya 25:05

Yeah. So I kind of came across this over this past summer. I was kind of focused on reaching out to companies and, like, the health tech space, but I told myself that I think by the end of June, if I'm kind of not making headway, which I was, honestly, I was struggling to, I think, it was a tough time to be looking for a job at a startup, especially with no startup experience. So I kind of told myself, for my own sanity, to kind of stick to the timeline that I set for myself. I'm going to also reach out to old colleagues and let them know, you know, "I'm looking, I'm open. If you have anything that you think I would like, feel free to let me know." So I did that, and kind of reconnected with some colleagues from my previous job, and one of them put me in touch with somebody who works at the company that I'm at now, and I think maybe a month after I first spoke with her, she got back to me and said, "Hey, there's another team that I work with and they're hiring. I think you might be interested. Do you want to speak with them?" And that was it. I think it helps that, again, like the kind of sub-industry I work in is a very small world. So I was able to go back to my colleagues and say, like, "This is the team. These are the people. Do you know them?" And they knew, and they were able to give me really good advice and kind of feedback on the opportunity. So that helped a lot. I think, in general, I definitely seek a lot of advice, guidance, wisdom from the people around me. So it was really nice to be able to go to people who, like, know the people that I work with now, and are familiar role and who know me well. So I kind of trusted that they think it's a good fit, it probably will be a good fit.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:41

Yeah, when you... So you were you're saying that this particular opportunity was a byproduct of you recognizing that within your overall comprehensive set of goals, you also had some timelines that you wanted to hit too. So you recognized that you needed to focus, not entirely on startups, but sort of expand the areas that you're looking if I'm understanding correctly. And then so that caused you to reach out to the people that you already had relationships with. And when you reached out to those people, like in this case, for whatever led to this opportunity, do you remember what you said, or was it an email? Did you pick up the phone? Did you text somebody? Or what did that look like? Get into the nitty gritty here for a minute.

Divya 27:29

Yeah. So this was an old client of mine. I texted him initially and just kind of let him know, you know, we'd been in touch already, so we hadn't fully fallen out of touch. But I kind of shot him a text and said, like, "Hey, as you know, you know, I've kind of been out of the industry for a little bit, and I'm putting feelers back out to kind of see what is out there. So if you see anything interesting, let me know." And he had already been, he had sent me some opportunities in the past, and then kind of stopped because he realized that I wasn't looking, you know, before that he would be open to sharing. So that's how it started. And then we eventually met up for coffee again to catch up in person, which was really nice and kind of you can speak more freely. And I think he got a better understanding of what specifically I was looking for and what I was not looking for.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:14

And at that point in time, you'd already done a lot of this work for yourself to be able to say, "Hey, I don't want more of this, and I do want more of this area." So it sounds like you're able to articulate more of that. Well, what's an example of something that you told them at that time? Do you remember? I'm really putting you on the spot.

Divya 28:32

No, just, I mean, I'm trying to think of an example that's not hyper specific because I think so many of... there's, like so many tiny little things that mean something to people in my industry that are like gibberish to. I think I kind of was looking for it. So in my previous role, I was in sales, and I covered a bunch of different products. So it was a very, very wide span of things that I was responsible for. So essentially, anytime any of my 40 clients transacted in any of these areas, I had to be involved. And so this time around, I wanted to narrow that scope, and not feel like I was constantly kind of spread thin over six different areas, and feel like, okay, I'm working on one, I'm working on two, and I really understand what I'm doing to kind of combat that imposter syndrome from before. You know, a lot of times I felt like I was just like having to talk intelligently about things that I didn't feel like I could talk intelligently about, but I just had to.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:29

Well, that does wonders for imposter syndrome.

Divya 29:33

Yes. It was kind of the perfect storm. So I knew, like, back into it, I wanted to be more specific in my scope and narrow it down so that I could kind of mitigate that feeling, and I could spend more time understanding what was going on and feeling like I had a good grasp on things, and not just like running around, you know, with my hair on fire. So that was one thing that I told him. And then, yeah, kind of led to the role that I'm in now, which is exactly that it's like, I focus on kind of two areas, and it's a lot more specific.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:03

What else, you know, as you think about your role now, what else stands out that fits for you? Because we started out part of this conversation saying, you know, the role that you were coming from, you know, it was good for a time period, but it ultimately was not a fit at the point in time when you left. So as you think about this role, what else fits?

Divya 30:26

One really big thing is that I get one day remote per week, which is getting to be very, very rare in the finance industry. So that's huge. I think that, you know, my previous job was five days a week, or five days in office per week. So, and it was really... there was, like, very little leeway unless you were, like, actively ill.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:49

That's an interesting one too. Because if I remember correctly, I think when you came out of the other role, you had thought you wanted to go 100% remote, and then determined you actually did want to spend some time in person. Is that right?

Divya 31:04

Yeah. I think that was just, like an overcorrection.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:08

I don't want this. I want the opposite.

Divya 31:11

Exactly. I was like, you know, came out of, like, being in office five days in, like, a super intense environment, kind of constantly feeling. You know, I mean, we don't have cubicles, like I said, which is fun sometimes, but sometimes it's like, people are looking at me all day long. And so I kind of just came out of that, and was like, "I want to fall into a hole where nobody ever has to look at me again." And then I realized, like, you know, I definitely don't think that full remote would work for me. I just get, like, a little stir crazy and sad when I'm at home just all the time. So I think hybrid is perfect for me. And having that one day to work from home, and I don't know, be able to cook lunch and be able to throw a load of laundry in between calls, that means it makes a huge difference for me, especially, because I have to get in, you know, I usually get in between 7:45-8:00, so it's a pretty early start and just kind of having leeway helps a lot. I think in terms of other things that make it feel better this time around, isn't really actually related to the role, but I think it is more so my perspective on myself and on kind of myself within the context of a job. I think I was really able to shift away from feeling like my job was my identity, and feeling like, you know, if something bad happened at work, that was like the end of the world. I think I felt everything very, very strongly in my last job, like, performing well just meant so much to me, and I still want to do a good job. I'm not here to slack off. But at the same time, I think it's a lot easier for me now with the time off that I had, and with the experience that I had with my dad, and kind of realizing that I was able to step away for a year and I was able to come back and everything was okay. It just helped me to realize, "Okay, it's fine. You know, if you have a bad day, it's okay. If somebody gets mad, it's okay. If you can't solve all the problems, like that's fine, you know." And kind of not taking everything as hard has just made it... that's just like an emotionally exhausting way to live is kind of feeling very deeply. I think it's really the perspective now that helps me to kind of separate from things that happen at work and not necessarily bring that negativity home, which was harder for me to do. And I think also the fact that, you know, the first time around, I did kind of stumble into it, like I told you, I just kind of found myself there. And at the time, I did not feel like it was a good fit. Now, you know, I explored all of every path, right? I explored pages, like, I really took my time and looked at other options, and this is where I landed up. So now I feel like, okay, this is something I picked, like I looked at what else was out there, and I really thought about my experience in my previous role, and I made the active choice to come back, and that just feels like a much better position to be in than feeling like, "I kind of just ended up here. This is just the job that I got. And there's probably something like perfect for me out there, and I just haven't looked", because this time I've looked, you know.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:11

Yeah, okay, so something else I gotta ask you about, let's back up here a year and a half, you know, almost two years. For someone else who is in the same type of place where you were, where you're like, "Okay, I know this is not a fit. I'm starting to recognize that a lot of my decisions here are being made based on fear. I want to do this anymore." What advice would you give that person who's in that place that's starting to recognize that they want to make a change? What advice do you have for them?

Divya 34:38

I guess I would want to add that, I think part of the process, the decision making process for me when I was trying to decide if I should leave with nothing lined up was it was like this big, scary question of, how am I gonna explain myself? You know, what are people gonna think when I start interviewing again and I have a gap on my resume, like, a gap on the resume is the worst thing that you could do, right? Like, I wasn't productive for an entire year. How am I gonna do that? And I think I probably had maybe 20 to 30 conversations with people across networking. And, you know, all of it added up. I think only one person seemed to negatively respond to that. The vast majority of people did not care, didn't even ask a follow up question. You know, I kind of, in my interviews, I always offered I said, like, you know, "I just want to make sure you know that I'm not working right now. Alright, so we're on the same page, and feel free to ask me any questions. Like, I'm happy to speak to that." And almost nobody cared. I think that was like, such a big fear of mine when I was deciding if I should quit, like, thinking about, and I remember I talked to Phillip about it at the time too, I was like, "If I'm going to do this, I need to get my story straight now, so that I feel like I'm ready when they come at me for doing this." I think if I had known back then that, like, everyone was very understanding, even in finance, which is not known to be an understanding industry, yeah, nobody cared. Nobody asked. And when they did ask, it was just to be like, "Okay. Is your dad okay?" So that, I think. would have been a huge reassurance to know. So if anybody out there is considering doing something similar to what I did, I think you might be pleasantly surprised that people are more understanding and people are like also just humans who get that things happen sometimes.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:30

Most of the episodes you've heard on Happen To Your Career showcase stories of people that have taken the steps to identify and land careers that they are absolutely enamored with, that match their strengths, and are really what they want in their lives. If that's something that you're ready to begin taking steps towards, that's awesome. And we want to figure out how we can help. So here's what I would suggest. Take the next five seconds to open up your email app and email me directly. I'm gonna give you my personal email address, scott@happentoyourcareer.com. Just email me and put 'Conversation' in the subject line. And when you do that, I'll introduce you to someone on our team who can have a super informal conversation with and we'll figure out the very best type of help for you, whatever that looks like. And the very best way that we can support you to make it happen. So send me an email right now with 'Conversation' in the subject line.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:22

Here's a sneak peek into what we have coming up in store for you next week.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:28

It's 2025. A lot of people are struggling to even get interviews. It's a competitive market, and standing out feels harder than ever. And you might think if you could just get an interview or talk with that hiring manager, you'd absolutely crush it, and maybe you would. But what if I told you that all that effort could be a waste of time? There's one thing you need to do first, and once you do everything else after it will become much, much easier, no matter how tough the job market is. So what is it? We break down that game changing insight in today's episode of the Happen To Your Career podcast.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:07

All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Make sure that you don't miss it, and if you haven't already, click subscribe on your podcast player, so that you can download this podcast in your sleep, and you get it automatically, even the bonus episodes every single week, sometimes multiple times a week, until next week. Adios, I'm out.