209: How to Connect with Anyone

I remember in 2006 I had just been fired from a job that I hated.

I was pretty determined to not have to go back to “just another job” where I would spend my days just waiting for the weekend as I grinded it out in meetings that had no meaning to me.

So I began learning everything I could about people who get well paid AND love their work. Let’s call these people “Happy High Achievers.”

One of the things that I observed right away is that Happy High Achievers don’t often get jobs by traditional means. When you’re outside and looking in it almost seems random. It’s not though.

It also doesn’t have anything to do with applying 200 plus times on Indeed or LinkedIn.

So how do they do it?

Well we’ve talked in the past about the importance of prioritizing what you want. That’s step 1, you must understand where you’re going to make it easier to get there. That said Happy High Achievers realize that people hire other people (not companies and not computers) which means that the very biggest short cut to finding work that fits you (or even getting positions created for you) is through relationships.

Now over the years I personally have found the very fastest way to begin a relationship with someone else isn’t networking events (and it definitely isn’t speed networking!) It’s also not social media.

Instead it’s through something far easier: introductions.

THE MOST POWERFUL RELATIONSHIP BUILDING HACK YOU ALREADY HAVE IN YOUR TOOLBOX: HOW TO CONNECT WITH ANYONE

Let’s say that you and I know each other, Let’s also say that I don’t know you as well as I know my wife but I trust you and have respect for you.

Now let’s also say that you say “Scott, I have someone you must meet”

When you introduce me to someone else, a portion of that trust and credibility comes with them because it’s from a familiar source. There’s a great group of research about this that Robert Cialdini put together in his famous book Influence, the Science and Art of Persuasion.

But even if you didn’t know anything about the research you’ve seen this happen already.

REAL WORLD PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSUASION AT WORK WITHOUT YOU KNOWING:

You invite your friends to dinner. One of your friends brings another friend of theirs. Dessert and a glass of wine later you have a new relationship because you now like them and have a measure of trust with this new person who entered your life 2 hours before.

Think about what would happen if instead that same person that you’ve never met before shows up randomly and unannounced. They ask if they can eat dinner with you. You’re likely to say “no” because of the strange out of context request plus the fact that you’ve never met this person before.

But if instead you choose to invite them in because you’re just that nice of a person and you’re already eating dinner anyways, you’re likely to either be more skeptical or the relationship and trust building process is going to move slower.

HOW TO GET A FREE RIDE ON THE RELATIONSHIP BUILDING TRAIN

It’s now your job to be “brought to the dinner as a friend”.

Or more accurately your goal is now to create the time, place and events that allows you to enter the life of someone else in a way that increases their chances of liking you, trusting you and deeming you as credible.

If you remember our Happy High Achievers from above and study what they do, you begin to realize there are lots of ways to leverage introductions to build relationships. We actually teach all of these in our Career Change Bootcamp but for today, we’re going to focus specifically on the email introduction (which can also be used for a LinkedIn Introduction too).

Let’s assume that you already have the basics in place for the introduction. Someone you know, knows someone else you want to know.

Most people simply ask for an introduction… that would be a mistake.

HOW TO GET AN INTRODUCTION ON LINKEDIN OR EMAIL

Here’s an example of an introduction formula (not script) that works very well!

Ok, let’s break this down into a formula so that you can understand why this works.

Someone they already know and like (you)

+ Context of your request

+ Request

+ Shared Intention

+ Giving them an out

+ Appreciation

+ Making it something they can say yes to

= Their willingness to make the introduction for you

You didn’t realize there was that much buried in this super short message did you?

Let’s look at it again!

You’ll notice that every line and set of words is there intentionally and making up a piece of the email or LinkedIn introduction request.

Next step after you have each piece? Press send.

I’VE ASKED FOR AN INTRODUCTION. WHAT NOW?

Most people think that you’re work stops after this point, but Happy High Achievers know that it doesn’t. So what’s next?

First: If they say “no” that’s ok, They might be connected to the other person but not know them really well or maybe they just aren’t comfortable with the intro. That’s ok. Move on and find someone else to make the intro for you.

If they say “yes” perfect. This is the point where you prepare an intro for them.

Writing an introduction serves a couple purposes.

• It helps make it easier on them to send it (even if they said no need to send over an example intro, do it anyway. They may have good intentions to write their own but not actually get it done. )
• It’s also easier for most people to modify something that’s there vs. writing something from scratch.

Here’s an actual example:

Don’t forget to ask them to cc you on the intro that way you can respond and take it from there!

After they’ve sent the introduction, you’re off to the races. Work to schedule a call with the person or get a time set up to meet. But as you’ve probably guessed there’s even more ways to make this process more valuable.

HOW TO MAKE INTRODUCTIONS THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

Now here is quite possibly the coolest thing. After you’re done with the conversation that you’ve just had with your new contact, you can ask is there anyone else that you think that I should meet that ______<<<fill in the blank

Works in Artificial Intelligence

Is in a high level strategy role

is someone who you respect what they’re doing in learning and development.

Whatever it is they might very well say “oh you must meet my friend Jenny”

Then guess what? This is where you say “fantastic, would you be willing to introduce me?”

Congratulations you’ve just mastered one of the most effective ways to be able to begin real relationships with real human beings that you want to get to know!

How can you use this in your life, job search, career, business or anyplace else?