712: Should I Quit My Job or Stay for the Benefits and Job Security? The Hidden Cost of Staying in a Career You’ve Outgrown

[00:00:00] Scott Anthony Barlow: Just for a second, think about what it would actually be like to leave and find work that you're excited about. Okay, now that you've thought about that, here's what happens for most people. They start to try to talk themselves out of it. Why? Well, because you start adding up everything that keeps you comfortable– the salary that you would be giving up, the benefits, the 401(k) match, the years of PTO that you've banked, the predictability of a paycheck that shows up every month no matter what.

[00:00:23] And then you weigh all of that against the job search ahead, the potential income gap, the months or years it might take to find something that fits, having to prove yourself all over again somewhere new, the risk of walking away from something steady, and then you decide, "I can't afford this." Logically, it sounds like the right decision to stay in the job that you've outgrown.

[00:00:45] It feels steady. It feels comfortable. It feels safe. But what if staying wasn't safe at all? And what if it was costing you way more and you just haven't realized it yet?

[00:00:55] This is Happen To Your Career. Most people let their career happen to them, falling into jobs by accident, staying longer than they should, and wondering if this is really all there is. But a few people decide to stop settling and do something different. This podcast is for you to take control, get intentional, and design your career to fit the life that you want to build. Real stories and real research so you can stop waiting and start making it happen. I'm Scott Anthony Barlow, and in this episode, we're going to uncover what staying in non-fit roles might actually be costing you.

[00:01:25] Economists and behavioral researchers have a term for what most people do when they evaluate a career decision. They measure the costs they can see and ignore the ones that they can't. Now, the cost of leaving is one that you can absolutely see because it feels like it can show up in your bank account, but there's two things to know about that.

[00:01:43] Number one, our work with clients over the last 13 years has taught us that many of these perceived costs are not actually true. However, there's a bigger issue here. The cost of staying doesn't show up anywhere, but it's real. It's bigger than what most people realize, and it has three parts. Together, they form what I would call the cost of staying formula, the real picture of what staying in a job that you don't love is actually costing you, not just from a financial side, but also related to that financial side.

[00:02:15] Now, many people have heard of this first cost. It's what economists would call opportunity cost. Think about that as the value of the path not taken. High performers in misaligned roles tend to stay flat. High performers in aligned roles tend to compound. I want you to meet Dan, who stepped down from an executive role.

[00:02:32] Dan Ruley: I have so much experience, and I've been doing this for a long time, but ultimately, it doesn't really matter. You know, titles don't matter. Your happiness with what you're doing is what really matters. And, you know, interestingly enough, I now make almost three times what I made before as a director of sales with a smaller title. So I can't complain about financial compensation at all, and the title doesn't matter because I'm doing something that I really like doing.

[00:02:59] Scott Anthony Barlow: What Dan realized was that getting better at the wrong thing is not growth. It's a drift with good salary attached. And every year you spend drifting is a year your earnings trajectory fails to compound in the way that it would if you were in a role that actually was a far better fit.

[00:03:15] Now, the second cost is one that is talked about far less than opportunity cost, is that staying in a job, not even a job you hate necessarily, but something that's a non-fit, makes you a worse negotiator. It impacts how you interview. It impacts how quickly you accept the first offer. It impacts what you're going to tolerate or what you're going to choose to settle for when it comes not just to salary, but especially to salary.

[00:03:39] Kwame Christian, who is one of the leading negotiation experts in the country and also a really good friend, when he came on our show in the past, he made this exact point.

[00:03:49] Kwame Christian: Most people fail in these negotiations and difficult conversations because they're unable to address the emotional component And so when it comes to thinking about high level negotiation strategies and tactics, we can't get into that because people are failing before we get to that point. If you're unable to deal with the difficult emotions of a conversation, you're not going to get to that next level.

[00:04:13] Scott Anthony Barlow: On the other side, when people negotiate from strength, they're genuinely selective and build a clear picture of what they want. They understand how to walk away from a bad deal and consistently land higher initial offers with better total compensation packages.

[00:04:27] Now, negotiation scholars would call this BATNA or your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. The strength of your negotiating position is directly tied to the quality of your alternatives. A lot of the time, this never makes it to a spreadsheet. It can be hard to calculate, and is the one that is also probably costing you the most in so many different ways, called the compounding drain tax.

[00:04:51] Psychologists who study energy depletion and performance have documented something important. The cognitive and emotional cost of doing draining work does not stay at the office. Okay, that's probably not a surprise, but you're going to bring this home. Even if we think we're doing a great job separating it out, science says we're not.

[00:05:08] You're gonna bring it home. For me personally, part of the reason I created this company is because if I'm not doing work that truly matters to me or if I'm bored or... I don't even have to be in a toxic environment, but it impacts everything for me. I am a worse role model for my kids. I'm less kind to my spouse.

[00:05:25] It affects my sleep, it affects my relationships, my ability to think creatively and critically, as well as my capacity to do anything about my situation. Because the same willpower and mental bandwidth that I would generally use to show up very differently in other areas of my life, well, it gets spent just trying to get through the day.

[00:05:42] And if you're anything like me, this creates a compounding tax, not just on the quality of life, but also what people don't anticipate is it translates over to your future earning potential because the energy that we would need to build strategic relationships, interview at a very different level, negotiate powerfully, is exactly the kind of energy that gets depleted by continuing to stay longer and longer and longer in a job that drains us.

[00:06:07] Every month that you stay in work that drains you, well, you have less reserve to invest in your exit. So here's what the cost of staying formula actually looks like when you put all three of these together. We look at somebody's current situation and salary, and then we subtract the opportunity cost of a flattening trajectory, and then we subtract the negotiation discount that comes from interviewing well, desperate, and showing up differently, and then we subtract the compounding drain tax on every other area of your life and future performance.

[00:06:37] What you're left with is not what you think you're making. It's considerably less when we spread it out over time, 2 years, 5 years, 15, 25 years. And this changes not just the emotional case for staying, but the financial for case for staying entirely. So let me show you some examples of what this actually looks like in real life.

[00:06:57] Charity worked in the nonprofit arts world for about 20 years, and she truly loved the arts. She didn't love the work that she was doing at that time. And for a long time, she didn't let herself fully feel that gap because from outside, her career made sense. But here's what was actually happening underneath.

[00:07:14] Charity Von Guinness: Like, my insides were screaming at that point. Like, "You have to get out of here. You are not doing what you were put here to do."

[00:07:23] Scott Anthony Barlow: Her insides were screaming and she kept going anyway. Think about what that takes. Think about the energy that was required for her to show up every single day, or you to show up every single day to a role where your insides are rejecting it.

[00:07:36] You have to perform well enough to keep the job, manage the dissonance between what you feel and what you project, and then come home and have something left for the rest of your life. That is the tax, at least one of them, and it never appears on the pay stub. Here's what Charity discovered on the other side of her change, though.

[00:07:53] She had more energy, more presence. When you actually meet Charity, she is a force to be reckoned with, particularly after she made this transition. More capacity for the things and the people that actually mattered to her, not because her circumstances got easier, but because the thing consuming her reserves was gone.

[00:08:11] That's the inverse proof of the compounding drain tax. And when you stop paying it, you don't just feel better at work. You break the cycle of burnout, not by working harder, but by changing what you're working on or how you're working.

[00:08:23] One other thing for you to consider. If you're already asking the question, "Can I afford to leave?" That's probably your red flag indicator. Should be alarm bells going off in the background for you that you've already reached the point where it's having a massive tax in one way or another.

[00:08:39] You may not fully understand all the ways, but you're already at that point. And the question instead, beyond just can I afford to stay, is what is the best way for me to make this change? That's a far healthier question to start to explore. And if you're ready to get honest and count all of the costs surrounding your career change, but also to be able to build a plan to make a change that's going to make sense in your world, click the link in the description and show notes.

[00:09:03] And what we'll do is you can schedule a conversation with our team. We'll help build you a plan, acknowledging what is the cost of staying, and also what is some of the best ways, what is it going to take to help you make a transition in a way that actually makes sense for your world. I'm Scott Anthony Barlow, and this is Happen To Your Career. Adios. I'm out.