483: Upgrade Your Life By Untangling Your Identity From Your Career

Kate Gleason Bachman 00:01

I was quite disillusioned very quickly, and felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life by becoming a nurse even though this is something I had worked for, you know, it took me years to do the prerequisite courses and get prepared.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:16

Hey all, before we get into this episode, I just wanted to remind you something we've been working on for over four years now, has just happened. Our new book: "Happen to Your Career: An Unconventional Approach to Career Change and Meaningful Work" is available for preorder right now. You can pre order it on Amazon, and you can preorder it at many of the other places you might buy your books. Part of the reason I wrote this book is to help accomplish our mission of changing the way that the world does and thinks about work so that more people can thrive in their work. And here's how you can help, buy the book for yourself. Buy it for your friends. Buy it for your family. Share the word. Spread the word. The more people that we get to meaningful work in this world, the more the entire world benefits. Thanks so much. I really appreciate the early support we've already had from our listeners, our readers, and our past clients. All right, here's this week's episode. Enjoy.

Introduction 01:11

This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:35

All right, here's one that we see all the time. What happens when you have the realization that the career or industry you've been working towards for years, isn't the right fit for you? Many people have this epiphany when they're well into their careers or after years of schooling. And some have it the first day they walk in the door and realize, "this is not at all what I was expecting." It can be a really hard pill to swallow. Because our identities are often closely tied to what we say we do for a living. So how do you untangle your identity from a career that you once felt passionate about in order to start working towards the right fit for you?

Kate Gleason Bachman 02:11

For me, the thing that I learned was just... even if it feels, kind of, audacious and out there is to really kind of say what it is that you want. And that can be for me, it was very difficult.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:25

That's Kate Gleason Bachman. Kate made the change early on in her career and decided to go back to school for nursing. However, after a short time working as a nurse, she realized it was not everything she had imagined it would be. In fact, she felt a little bit duped because she was not able to care for patients in the way that she thought she would be able to. After hopping around to a few different organizations, she decided something had to give. And maybe it was time to go after what she really wanted, even if that meant leaving nursing. Here's Kate going way back to explain her career journey.

Kate Gleason Bachman 03:00

In high school, I always had an interest in social justice issues. And I think from a young age, I knew that was going to drive the work that I did in some way. So I used to volunteer, I used to ride my bike to the next town over and then take the city bus to go, I'm from upstate New York, into Albany to volunteer at the Social Justice Center, which had all these different things going on, and I just knew that was kind of a world that I wanted to be a part of. So I ended up... I went to college, and my first job out of college was working in public health research. And so I kind of found my way to public health as a way to kind of work on social justice issues. And then I actually worked for a training and technical assistance organization. And I saw through visiting programs and health centers, the work that nurses were doing, and advocacy, and I was like, "Oh, I want to do that. I want to be a nurse." So I went back to school to become a nurse and then kind of started a second career in nursing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:05

So what was it that you saw, or you experienced that caused you to believe, yeah, this is something I want to pursue in one way or another?

Kate Gleason Bachman 04:16

I think what really drew me into the role of the nurse was the advocacy role. That has always been something that's important to me. And in doing the career change process, I was able to actually really hone in on that being kind of a core value of mine– is to be an advocate. And I saw nurses on the ground, there running outreach programs, we were actually working with farm workers, were working in the fields and helping connect people to services and it was that advocacy piece that I think really drew me in and made me say, "I want to do this. This is how I think I can be of most service through my work."

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:50

Interesting. That's so fun too, that, it seems like that is one of the big threads throughout that led to the next change. So tell me what occurred, what happened along the way... you spent some time in nursing, but eventually you decided you wanted to make some kind of change around it.

Kate Gleason Bachman 05:11

Yes, yeah. So now looking back, I think it's a little more clear– I became a nurse, and I started working in the hospital. And I, quite frankly, was really shocked by the state of healthcare in the United States. It was not what I anticipated. I had kind of seen nursing as this model of care that took someone's global health into account and their home situation and their mental health and all the pieces that make up wellness for people kind of who we are. And I thought I would be able to apply that. And then I got into a hospital setting. And everyone wants to apply that. And it's so difficult and so fast paced, and the pressure is so immense around insurance and reimbursement and getting people in and out the door. And so I was quite disillusioned very quickly, and felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life by becoming a nurse, even though this is something I had worked for. It took me years to do the prerequisite courses and get prepared to go back to do the second degree program. And then I got into nursing and was like, "Whoa, this is not what I thought it was going to be." It was really shocking.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:21

Do you remember any moments during that time about what that felt like to have that realization? Like, I've put in all this work, and maybe this is not quite what I thought it was going to be. How did that feel at the time to you?

Kate Gleason Bachman 06:34

I mean, I felt devastated and trapped, quite frankly. That first job was really difficult. I stayed there for almost two years. And then I moved to do homecare nursing, briefly homecare hospice nursing, which I loved but had a lot of challenges as well in terms of the patient caseload and the amount of travel that was part of it. And so finally, kind of, pivoted to find myself back in the nonprofit sphere, actually at the same nonprofit agency that I had worked at, for my very first job doing public health research in Philadelphia. And so I found myself I had, through the years of, kind of, being in nursing school and leading up to that, I had done work with people experiencing homelessness. And I found this job as a nurse in the city shelter system. And that was where I kind of started to feel like, "okay, I'm finding my place as a nurse. This, I think, is where I can really do the advocacy and the education piece that I want." And so that kind of started this cycle of being in this nonprofit world as a nurse, which I ultimately decided, well, I'm still in it in some ways, but in a different way. I decided to make a shift, but not for many years.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:46

Tell me more about that. Tell me more about that shift.

Kate Gleason Bachman 07:50

So I worked in the shelter system for three years. And then as part of that same agency, then in a health center that worked pretty exclusively with people experiencing homelessness that's in Philadelphia. And I was feeling burnt out, I would, that's kind of how I would describe what was going on for me. I was feeling like, there was just... my work was coming home with me, there was so much going on, it was very, very chaotic. And I have a strong drive to solve problems. An interest of mine. And so I really liked that aspect of it, but it was the volume of problems was so great. It just… It was overwhelming to me. It was like a mismatch with my kind of need for balance in my life and the needs of the workplace, which were huge. And so that was when I actually first kind of saw myself as trying to make a career change within nursing. And that was back in 2016. So I had been a nurse since 2007. And so I had already been a nurse for quite a while and I had decided that I really need to make a shift. And I attempted a career change on my own without the guidance of the Happen To Your Career team. And it didn't go as I thought it would. So I made a change to still being a nurse, but working for a hospital system. I was hoping to have kind of more organization around my role and just to be working in a little bit of a less chaotic environment. I think that's what I was wanting. And I was kind of trying to pivot to do something different. And what I found was that, it was just not engaging to me at all. It felt very corporate, which is not my style.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:38

Not your jam.

Kate Gleason Bachman 09:39

Not my jam. And I just felt like I kind of felt trapped there too. To be honest, I felt like I wasn't doing the advocacy that I wanted. And I had swung very far from a quite chaotic environment to an environment in which I felt like I had no flexibility to kind of meet the patient's needs in the way that I wanted to. And so that was almost more frustrating than the situation I had been in.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:05

Yeah, I could definitely see that really infringing upon that strong value of advocacy.

Kate Gleason Bachman 10:10

Yes, it was a challenge. I felt my hands were kind of tied in terms of doing what I wanted to do for the patients. So I didn't... I actually stayed at that job for less than a year. And then went back into a very similar role as a nurse in a different nonprofit in the city, which is the job that I was in when I saw your help. And that job was great in many ways too, you know, there are so many things about it that were wonderful. And it was still not a good fit. And I think, in terms of thinking about kind of lessons learned from this process. Another thing that really stuck out to me, as I was reflecting on the past year since beginning this process is, something doesn't have to be all bad in order for it to not be the right thing for you. And that I think was partly what was keeping me in those positions. There were a lot of things I loved about them. And it was not a great fit for my skill set and kind of the balance that I needed in my life, but I kept trying to do that because there were things that I was getting out of it, of course, and it was fulfilling. And I felt like I was making a difference. And I had patients that I loved and a great team, you know, all these things were wonderful about it. And it was still not a good fit. So that was a difficult and important lesson.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:32

When you were in that situation, what caused you to realize, "no, I need to do this differently from how I've tried to approach career change in the past."?

Kate Gleason Bachman 11:42

I felt that I needed more of a work life balance, I think that is how I would have summed it up at the time. And I wanted something that was not as kind of chaotic and fast paced as where I was, like, something has to give. Something has to change. And I don't want to do the same thing I did. And so I felt that I needed professional help. And that's how I found myself with Happen To Your Career, because I really... I wanted to make a change that was meaningful. And I didn't think I had the perspective to do it on my own without having a coach and some kind of external support to check what I was doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:24

So tell me more about what you mean by perspective. And then why did you feel like that was going to be helpful to you at the time?

Kate Gleason Bachman 12:34

I think, especially when you're, kind of, you're in your own situation, it's difficult to kind of see yourself in an objective way. It's very difficult. And so I think what I was looking for was that kind of external view of someone to be able to analyze and understand what was happening, who wasn't me, who wasn't in the middle of it. And in, kind of, hearing you talk a little bit about that challenge that people have with moving away from something that has some good components, I think for me, it was even more difficult because my identity was so enmeshed with being a nurse. Nursing had not been an easy journey for me, I had had to work hard to find my place in nursing. And so much of my identity was caught up in being a nurse. I'm a nurse, I help people, this is a passion of mine, and I really care about it. And so to even consider that that wasn't the right thing for me after having... It's like a sunk cost fallacy, right? I had done this for so many years, and how do I walk away from it? And my identity is so part of this. And so that made it even more difficult. And that was also why I felt like I need another person who's able to really look at all the pieces of this and help me kind of figure out what it all means. Because in the end, you know what my coach, Alistair, really helped me to do, the pieces of it were all there. It was a matter of putting it together, like, your puzzle thing. I'm thinking about, "how do I think about this in a way that I can understand it and then make a change from it that, you know, it's the change that will work for me?"

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:20

Yeah. And I think you're referring to the puzzle analogy where we talked about pretty frequently. We've talked about that on the podcast quite a few times too. But that idea of, it's really difficult to try and see the puzzle all at once. Especially when we don't necessarily even know what pieces to go where or even which pieces we still want to keep and which one we want to throw out and which ones actually don't even belong to this puzzle because all the puzzle pieces from all the other puzzles are mixed together, and that whole thing. But my question to you though is, as you were going through this process, not necessarily our process here at Happen To Your Career, but your career change process for yourself, what do you feel like really helped you the most? Do you remember any of the parts or pieces or tools or questions that was really most useful for you along the way?

Kate Gleason Bachman 15:13

I think for me, the thing that really launched the change process was the ideal career profile and developing that. And within that process was the realization that I was able to come through with my coach that I actually did not want to be a nurse, you know, I did not want to... I still am a nurse. But you can see I still have my identity intact. But I did not want to be a frontline health care worker every single day. And that was very hard to accept. And at first I was saying to my coach, this is important to me, my identity as a nurse is important to me. And so he was reflecting that back to me, and that kept feeling wrong to me, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. And finally, through this process of talking it out, I remember he said to me, like, "it sounds like you don't actually want to be doing this type of nursing work." And it took me a little while to sit with it. But once I was able to incorporate that and realize that was actually true, my ideal career profile came together. Like that... I had a piece in there that was not meant to be in there that I was reluctant to let go of. And so once I was able to, I just had the best time writing that thing. Once I got there, I just remember spending so much time on it. And it was feeling... I was truly in a flow state, things were coming out, I knew what I wanted. And the other piece that was super helpful to me in terms of developing that, was looking at other people's, you have some example ideas of career profiles available. And having something to reflect on my profile was quite different in the end from the ones that were available. But it was so helpful for me to kind of see how other people had organized their thoughts and what their interests were and what they wanted. It just helped me so much to then solidify my own. So once I got there, I just had the best time making that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:18

That's interesting. And I... So I talked with your coach, and the way that he had put it was, it's almost like initially, she was trying to fill it out like a form. And then it wasn't until that breakthrough where you started grabbing hold of it and making it your own. And it seemed like the big piece that was really stopping you, was that separating what you had been doing and what you'd worked so hard on from the other pieces of your actual identity and teasing those out to figure out what was actually true for you, as opposed to what you've been holding on to. So that's really interesting. Because I think so many people think that a portion of this process is like I'm going to go through and I'm going to basically figure it, like, follow the steps and then boom, at the other end gonna have the answers, right? And it doesn't work like that in reality. How long would you say it took you to start that process before actually coming to terms with the way that I've been approaching nursing isn't actually the way that I want to continue to approach nursing? Do you remember how long? Is that like a week or months or what?

Kate Gleason Bachman 18:33

It was probably a month and a half or two months, I would say. The coaching sessions were very front loaded. And so that's why I need the most support, I really needed help in figuring out that part of it. And, you know, once I was able... once I did it, and I was able to say, "this is what I want", it became such a powerful tool. And as we may talk about, and I'm sure as it is for other people, the process never goes in a linear way or as you expect it. You can't say like, "as much as you might want to, I'm going to do this. And then I start to reach out to people and then I find something and I sample this, this and this" and it certainly didn't work that way. And I think had I not had that document, which you know, was much more than just a document but had I not done that work of kind of knowing, these are the things that I want. When the opportunity that ended up coming across my plate came to me, I don't know that I would have recognized it as such a good fit. Had I not done that work, I think I would have let it pass by and said "This... It seems kind of similar to something I've done in the past and I don't know if it's... I don't want to do something that I already did because I'm trying to make a change." But because I had that ideal career profile when this job opportunity did present itself to me, I mean, I was able to look at it and know almost immediately like this is exactly what I have been saying I'm interested in. So it made a huge difference. I think it allowed me to see what I wouldn't have necessarily seen had I not done that background work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:12

And I think you make such a great point too that, we talked about the tool of the ideal career profile. We mentioned it from time to time. And I think when people show up, and we start to help them, some people are like, "hey, I really want to do the ideal career profile, and things like that, or StrengthsFinders or whatever else. And at the end of the day, those are just tools to be able to understand what you really actually want and what you really actually need. And I think the thing that you've done such a wonderful job at is grabbing a hold of that work and pushing through to be able to get to the point where on the other end of that, it's yes, there's a document there. And yes, the document can be valuable. But really, it's the work that went into that that now causes you to understand what it is that you want, that is the most valuable. So I appreciate you pointing that out.

Kate Gleason Bachman 21:01

Yeah, I agree. And I think there's some power in putting to paper what it is that you want. After having done this process, I have used that strategy in other aspects of my life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:13

Oh, really? In what way? What would be an example of that? Now I'm so curious.

Kate Gleason Bachman 21:16

Actually, well, part of my ideal career profile, like my dreams, things I wanted to do was run an ultra marathon. And I will be running my first ultra marathon at the end of September. And so kind of putting that to paper. I mean, this has been a dream of mine for many, many years. And I've just very recently decided to do some of that work. And I wrote down that I wanted to do yoga teacher training, which I have also wanted to do, I've been practicing yoga for 25 years. And I said I wanted to do that. And one came across my similar to the job, I wrote it down, I said, "this is what I want." And I think so much of it is about your focus, like that kind of trained my focus in this area. I said, "I wanted it, it's on my mind, something is not going to pass me by because of that." And so I happen to see an online opportunity at a yoga studio that I work with, just in virtual sessions. And I signed up for their teacher training. So now I'm doing it, I'm starting it next month.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:16

That is so cool. That makes me so happy. And what we don't often talk about on the podcast is that the behaviors and skills that often are a part of this process, they transfer everywhere. Everywhere. And you've done such a wonderful job of transferring those into other places in your life. That is so cool. I am curious, you started with us in the midst of doing some work and you had a bit of a tragic event, a bit of a tragic event is actually probably understating it. But I was wondering if you would be willing to share just a little bit about what happened and how that impacted some of the choices that you made throughout your career journey in your career change.

Kate Gleason Bachman 22:59

Yeah, so to give some background information, you know, I knew I want to make a career change, there were a number of reasons I wanted to do it. And I was kind of on this journey. And, you know, I won't go deep into all the things that were happening at the organization where I was, but there were some safety concerns. And at that organization, we had an act of violence, an active shooter event in which a colleague was killed. So it's pretty much the most horrible and dramatic thing that can happen in any workplace. And I'm sure, unfortunately, other people have had similar experiences, the violence in the workplace, and I just know, the impact has had on me. And so I decided I did not want to stay there. It did not feel safe. And so I decided to leave without another job. And that was extremely terrifying and scary. But with my coach, I decided that was the right thing. That was a huge loss, a loss of human life. But it also made me... it accelerated my career change process in a lot of ways. And looking back on it and thinking about that loss, and the other things that I lost in leaving that job in a faster way than I anticipated that I would, is that part of the change process, I think is loss. And that, kind of, to me goes hand in hand with that piece of, there are pieces of every job that are good. And there are pieces where, you know, you excel, and it does meet your strengths. And there are pieces where it doesn't and, you know, just because things are good doesn't mean you shouldn't make a change. And there is some loss with change. And that's just part of the change process. And that for me has been really healing and instrumental in my kind of journey of switching jobs. And the career that I'm in now, I love, it's so fulfilling. I really really enjoy it. And there's a piece of me where I do feel the loss of my team that I worked with and my patients that I worked with and the camaraderie that we had, and this tragic loss of a human life of someone who I've worked with. So I think part of the journey of career change is that you leave some things behind. And that's true in other aspects of life too. And I think for me, that was a really important lesson. And I think, having gone through this kind of like jump of a moment where I kind of jumped into the unknown, making a career change is a huge deal, and it's also not. Like, haven't made the change, you realize that it's not the end of the world. And if you do make a change that you don't like, and you just had to change again, or down the road decide it's time for another shift, it's also not the end of the world. And so I think, putting so much weight on the decision, like, is it right, is it wrong, you know, to a certain extent, there's no way for you to know. And you'll learn from whatever you do, even if you learn that it wasn't what you really wanted. But I think you just gained so much from the process that you can continue to use, like, you have this new skill set that allows you to move on in so many different ways.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:09

We put so much pressure on ourselves to make this the final change or have to get this perfect, or however that shows up. It shows up slightly differently for every person, but to your point, it is a big deal, but it's also not. Like, after you've done that, and you're... I mean, you're gonna go run an ultra marathon, like, there are some elements of that, that are also scary and unknown, I would imagine. And after you do many of those unknowns over and over again, it's just not as big of a deal as what it feels like back in the first couple. So I appreciate you making that point. Anything else that I didn't ask about or you think is really valuable or important about your story?

Kate Gleason Bachman 26:57

I think the final lesson that I'll say, and I've talked about it a little bit, but for me, the thing that I learned was just even if it feels kind of audacious and out there is to really kind of say what it is that you want. And that can be for me, it was very difficult. It felt like I was asking for so much. And I hesitated to even say it. And finally in my example, my ideal thing was to find a job where I could work four days a week, and I could have one day to volunteer or work as a nurse in my community. And that just felt crazy. Like, how am I going to find this job? How is this going to happen? And it felt outlandish even saying that. I mean, as outlandish as saying, I'm going to run an ultra marathon in some ways, but I put it out there and I really think that allowed me... it kind of opened my eyes to see opportunities in a different way. And what ended up happening is a former colleague of mine, who had started working for the company that I now work for, emailed me and just said, "Hey, we're having trouble filling this position, do you know anyone who would be a good fit?" And it was my job. I just looked at it and said "this is for me. I'm not going to share this with anyone. I'm gonna apply to this job." And I think I had mentioned that where I work now is also a training and technical assistance organization, very similar to where I had worked before. And I think, had I not done the work that I did, I wouldn't have seen that as the opportunity that it was. But it was amazing that it came across through my email inbox, and it was four days a week. And the reason was so that I, as a clinician, could have a clinical practice one day a week in my community. And so it has happened. I said this thing that felt so outlandish, like, who is going to give me this job for four days a week, so I can work as a nurse one day? And I now do. So, you know, I started the job with four days a week, and actually only very recently in the past couple of months that I find the right fit for that fifth day, and I'm working in my local Healthcare for the Homeless health center. It is such an amazing. I mean, this is, yeah, it just felt like the most wild thing to wish for, but it happened.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:21

I'm really glad that you shared that. Partially because, I think it helps break apart, like, all the things that had to be in place to lead up to you even recognizing the opportunity. And now like you said, you're just... in many ways, almost a year later from declaring what it is that you want, now having all those pieces fall into place. And I think a lot of times, we accidentally glossed over all of those events and milestones that have to happen. So that's pretty wonderful. And congratulations. That's way cool.

Kate Gleason Bachman 29:58

Thanks. Yeah, it's amazing. I really am loving what I'm doing now. And it's been great. And in hearing you say that the other thing it makes me think of that I think I've learned through the process is, you don't have to meet all your needs in one place. And that was a lesson I learned from Happen To Your Career– your career process. And that, I think, was also what allowed me to kind of put that goal out there. I wasn't going to find a job that had all of the kind of intellectual pursuits and writing and research and synthesis of information and being a nurse in the same place. And by being able to separate those, I was able to make it happen. And so that kind of idea of, you know, you don't get everything from one place necessarily was kind of freeing to me to say like, "Okay, I don't have to find something that has every single thing on this checklist." The perfect job could be a component of this, and it could still be the best fit for my life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:57

Yeah, and I think that's a totally different way to look at it. Fulfillment doesn't come from cramming everything into one place and trying to get it out in like, I don't know, squeeze the limit as much as you can, whatever analogy you want to use. It comes from identifying what it is that you need, and what it is that you want, and what directions and how you are growing, and want to grow, and then go into figuring out the right combination for you. So nicely done.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:30

If you enjoyed this story, you can learn about many more like the one that you heard today. You can find them in our new book "Happen to Your Career: An Unconventional Approach to Career Change and Meaningful Work", which hits shelves on October 18th. But if you're listening to this, and you enjoy this podcast, I know that you're going to love the book. You can go to our website: happentoyourcareer.com/book to learn more about the book, and you can click right from there to be able to preorder it, just about any place you might buy books. And by the way, when you preorder, you unlock some pretty awesome bonuses. Here's a sneak peek and one of my favorites, will actually send you a limited edition copy. One that's not available for sale at all ever. So when you preorder the book, and you send your receipt to me, Scott@happentoyourcareer.com then you actually get a copy of that before anybody else could read the book. If you're listening to this after October 18th, and it's published already, I would encourage you to go check out the book, I think that you're going to love it. Simply search on your favorite place to buy books, and type in Happen To Your Career, and chances are high that it'll pop right up. All right, we'll see you next time. Here's what's coming up next week.

Alyssa Barlow 32:47

Even working with HTYC for 10 years knowing all of this information, I still had to shift my own mindset back to, I don't need to answer a question. I need to know what my strengths are and what's important to me, and I will find answers to the questions.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:05

If you found yourself listening to this podcast for a while now, and occasionally thinking these are great stories, they're inspiring, but I'm just not sure how career changes, like what I've heard, could be possible for me. If you've ever thought something similar, then this is the episode for you. All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Make sure that you don't miss it. And if you haven't already, click Subscribe on your podcast player so that you can download this podcast in your sleep, and you get it automatically, even the bonus episodes every single week, sometimes multiple times a week. Until next week. Adios. I'm out.