What Actually Happens When You Work With A Career Coach

TAKE A STEP BACK, AND THINK ABOUT YOUR LAST 3 DAYS AT WORK. TRY TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION:

How have you spent the majority of your time?

Maybe you’ve been frustrated with your co-workers. Or maybe, you’re stressed out that your calendar is filled with pointless meetings. Or maybe, you just feel stuck. Bored. Tired. You could be spending a large part of your precious hours at work scrolling through Linkedin (or dare I say, Facebook), wondering: “What am I still doing here?”

As career coaches, we’ve heard it all. There’s not one specific reason why people decide to work with a career coach. If you’ve been listening to our podcast, you’ve probably heard many of our client’s stories about how and why they finally decided to make that leap.

But, what happens afterwards? In the past, we’ve shared many stories about our client’s career trajectories–from the moment they entered the working world until they landed that dream job. Like, this week’s podcast episode with Margaret Fredrickson, one of our Career Change Bootcamp stars. Margaret thought she just wanted to get out of a work environment that didn’t quite suit her…but what ended up actually happening was completely different.

Margaret’s story prompted us to ask ourselves a bigger question here at HTYC: What actually happens behind the scenes when you finally decide to invest in yourself, and work with a career coach? What might change from when you make that decision after a late-night binge listen to the HTYC podcast, or deep Google search about job hunting to getting that dream job?

So, on today’s blog post I am going to share exactly what actually happens when you decide to work with a career coach. And, trust me–it’s not what you might think.

THE TERM “QUICK FIX” WILL BE REMOVED FROM YOUR VOCABULARY

Let me guess–you’re thinking about working with a career coach because you want (need) a new job…now. Pronto. You would rather lie in bed forever than go into work.

I know, trust me. I’ve been in your position, too. But, working with a career coach won’t get you a new job tomorrow. Actually, it might take longer to find your dream career by working with a coach than if you were doing it on your own.

That isn’t because career coaches have no clue what we’re doing (it is our job!). It’s because coaches will ask you the difficult questions. They will help you uncover tensions you didn’t know were lurking and goals that you would have never imagined.

Take Margaret from this week’s podcast for example. When she met Evangelia, her Career Coach, she was ready for a new job…yesterday. The new job didn’t need to be perfect–just a stepping stone, or so she thought. Margaret was seeking a quick fix.

But, during her first (and second, and third) conversation with Evangelia, Margaret realized that she needed to slow down, so that she could get to a place where she could discover what she actually wanted, not just an escape. And, after that realization, she said that ““[she] let out a deep breath and said now, let’s do the deeper work.”

GET READY TO BE HUMBLED (AND AT FIRST, IT SUCKS)

It’s difficult to admit that you’re not exactly where you want to be in your career–or even your life. It’s weird to say out loud that you are capable of doing more…of being better.  It’s uncomfortable to be vulnerable.

But, those are the exact conversations that you’ll have with your career coach. And, in the beginning–it makes you feel apprehensive.

Margaret realized after those first few sessions with Evangelia that she had no clue what she wanted to be when she grew up (and that was over a decade into her career!). That was a scary thing for her to admit. She felt like a fraud–like everyone would think she was crazy.

This part of coaching is called the Messy Middle. It’s the part that makes you feel confused, and potentially feel really humble. Because, even though ou you’re an intelligent human, and this isn’t your first rodeo in the career space–you have blind spots that you didn’t know you had. Coaches show you all of them.

Like the Messy Middle of anything though–it’s part of the discovery process that helps you grow. But get ready to be humbled because trust me–after seeing this process take place plenty of times, there will be more than a few things that you don’t know you don’t know.

YOU’RE GOING TO TELL YOUR COACH THINGS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D SAY TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING

Your coach is your confident. Your new best friend. Your personal mirror.

So, during your coaching experience you may find yourself telling your coach things that you never thought you’d say to another human being–let alone someone who was a complete stranger until recently!

Remember: although your coach is helping to show you blind spots that you never knew you had, they are also the least judgemental person you will ever meet. Your coach will be empathetic but also logical. They will make sense of all the pieces of information that you throw at them to help you dig deep–and understand what you dream career (and life!) could look like.

YOU ACTUALLY BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON (AND STOP EATING ALL THOSE DONUTS!)

Career coaching does not only impact your career (surprise!). Think about it: how much time do you spend at your job? How much time do you get to spend with your family, and other people you care about? What about personal hobbies like reading or working out?

For most of us, our jobs are our lives–at least in terms of time anyway. So, when we’re stuck in a bad career, it often has an impact on every other aspect of our life.

When I asked Margaret what changes she went through from before and after her coaching, her insights were spot on:

I would imagine from her perspective when we first met my body language was probably different, I looked different. I’ve lost 15 pounds eating chocolate and cake. I’m so much happier, I look better and feel better. I had gotten too deep and stayed too long. It was hard to see above the fence. She helped me through that.

It wasn’t just her career that changed…but her entire life. The same exact thing happened for me–once I left a job that wasn’t a good fit for me, I lost over 50 pounds and felt like a new person.

As coaches, we can’t promise the late-night fridge raids will stop with a new career, but there’s definitely a correlation!

All in all, working with a Career coach is freakin’ hard.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, and I don’t think you’d expect me to. Working with a Career Coach will push you in ways you didn’t know were possible, so that you can get what you want–and deserve–out of life.

Even though we make it way easier than going at this process alone, making drastic change in your life isn’t easy. But, who said it wouldn’t be worth it?!

Margaret Fredrickson 00:02

You know, we had one call in particular where I just felt so vulnerable. And I felt like, "Oh, they're gonna hate me, they're, oh my gosh, or they're gonna think I'm so kooky and crazy. I'm not, you know, not this buttoned up fundraiser type. That's what they want. Oh gosh, they're... you know, took acting classes, they're gonna find that out, they're gonna think I'm crazy."

Introduction 00:26

This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:50

This is Scott Anthony Barlow and you are listening to Happen To Your Career. The show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. We get to bring on experts like Evangelia LeClaire, our very own Evangelia LeClaire, who coaches people to find career fulfillment while making the process purposeful. And people who have pretty amazing stories like Jamie Masters who left her career as a project manager, jumped into the unknown, and became a podcaster, and a coach. These are people that are just like you, but they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. Today's guest is Margaret Fredrickson.

Margaret Fredrickson 01:30

So now I'm a fundraising consultant. I work for a midsize firm out of New York. And I do a little bit of everything, you know, helping nonprofits raise money. And I love it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:41

In this conversation with Margaret, we had a bunch of fun getting really deep into how she made this change, particularly learning how a career search is so much more than just a job. And I'm guessing that if you're here listening to this right now, you might also be interested in, not just a job, but finding a career and a lifestyle that fits your needs. So we talked about what that looked like in her journey. And then, a first hand account, on how coaching can help you overcome your fears and hurdles, to not only to get you to your next career, but head down the path to joy in life. And actually, we're bringing her coach right on the podcast to help shed some light into exactly that. And you find out why vulnerability is far more important, it's not just a buzzword that's gotten popular these days. And we talk about specifically how it worked in Margaret's journey, and how it helped her be able to get a role that, quite frankly, she wouldn't have otherwise.

Margaret Fredrickson 02:43

This is why I love the job. I do a little bit of everything. And that's what I was looking for. So... and it changes all the time. That's what gives me energy and, you know, brings me a lot of joy. So on a day to day, you know, I work with a... I always had, you know, one point in time, I'll have a handful of clients that I work with, and the day to day really vary. So, you know, some days I'll interview their donors, talk about what their passions are, you know, learn more about them, and then communicate that back to the nonprofit. Other times, I'll delve, you know, really deeply into their numbers, and just let them know, you know, analyze, and let them know what patterns I'm seeing. So you do that. And then I'm having a great week, because I've been delving in this week on, you know, a really interesting project looking at rejection, and how fundraisers deal with rejection and how people do and analyzing some of the connections to the brain. Or how rejection affects the brain, which is very much like, you know, that it uses the same pathways as physical pain. So how I get to do everything. And we're working on, kind of, brain hacks for fundraisers. So I'm going to delve into writing more now as well. So that'll be my... so look out for the blog post.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:03

Ooh, I am super excited for that. That is something I get excited about, too. Anyways, I was just writing something that people will see it in one of our emails coming up here in the next month or so, about that exact same thing. So we might have to have a separate conversation after this. But what... you haven't always been doing this though, you haven't always been in fundraising, hacking the fundraising industry, if you will. So where did your career actually start for you?

Margaret Fredrickson 04:34

When I think of my career, Elina knows me, she knows me by now. I'm a very creative thinker. And I don't think in a linear way. So when you ask me that question, I think about myself as a child. And so, you know, as a kid, I wanted... my goal as a child was I want to live a day and every different type of person shoe, right. I remember that. I want to live, you know, I want to see what it's like to be a person, a different person, every day of my life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:58

Really? Where did that come? I'm super curious.

Margaret Fredrickson 05:02

I don't know. I think it's empathy. And I'm really empathetic, sensitive, and I care about people and I'm interested in other cultures. I grew up in Oklahoma where I, you know, any foreigner I would meet, I would just want to know everything, you know, everything about them. So I think it's just a personality. It's in my nature. I'm very curious about people. I live in the world of people, right. So that's... it's fun for me. And my whole life, I think that's the theme. So I studied anthropology as an undergraduate, I went away to college, I traveled, and lived in China for a few years. I've been really lucky to travel abroad, did study abroad, came back to the US, lived in Seattle, which is a great town for that, got involved with NGOs, went to the U Dub public policy school. And then I had a pivot. You know, that's when I thought, well, I'd like to... now, I've had these different lives. But I'd like to have a normal American life right now. It'd be interesting to me. And for some reason, I don't know why I did this, but I thought New York would be the perfect place to do that. Which is not an American place at all. But it worked out so well. And I met my husband here, I chose fundraising because on, you know, I think there are two sides of me, I'm really crazy, really, you know, in my thoughts, a very unconventional, very open-minded, at the same time, I take a lot of comfort and having security. So I think that was part of it, too. And I decided because of that, I'm in nonprofits, I love the nonprofit world. I believe in this. It feels right. I like to be international. And I want to make, you know, money. But I want to do have it aligned with values. So that's why I chose fundraising and development. And you get to talk to people in fundraising. So through that, I think that's been a whole another journey being in this field. Sometimes it's been love hate. Sometimes it's been, you know, wonderful. I, you know, so there's a whole journey, I think, with the fundraising world for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:08

Well, I'm curious about that a bit. When you first got into fundraising, and I understand why you're saying that you initially thought it that, "hey, this might be a fit for me." but what surprised you when you got in there that you didn't anticipate?

Margaret Fredrickson 07:23

Oh, honey.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:26

Anything that starts with "oh, honey" is going to be great.

Margaret Fredrickson 07:33

Well, I think, I'm surprised by everything. Because I assume nothing in life. And I find life is surprising at all levels. So I didn't know what to expect, you know, fully, but what has surprised me I, you know, has been... oh, and as I'm surprised, but number one, the learning curve is just... it never ends. And I love that. So actually I love this field. I think it never gets old. I also think, you know, money… Having that money conversation with oneself and with someone else is, oh, it's a million times harder than I thought it would be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:11

In what way?

Margaret Fredrickson 08:13

Well, I think that it draws up... brings up a lot of your own stuff as an individual, your own ideas about money and emotions about money. And then it also brings up the same issues with the giver. So you have that, I mean, there are so many dynamics, there's a power dynamic there. The wealthy versus, you know, the fundraiser usually have a different age, different social status. It is that… I think it's one of the most triggering fields ever. And if you can get through it, you'll come out like the most evolved person on the planet because now I really see everyone as equal. I really do. I don't... I'm not intimidated by wealthy people, because they're just like, you know, they're just like us.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:57

They're just people, as it turns out.

Margaret Fredrickson 09:00

So, that's been interesting. I think, you know, as I said, there have been ups and downs on the actual work itself, I've been so fulfilled, I find it incredible. It's so engaging, interesting, you learn about... you have to be a jack of all trades in some ways. You have to learn about the program you're representing and there's so much passion there, you learn about the donor. So, you know, it's engaging to me, because I like to do everything. On the other side, I have found the field to be really, you know, at times kind of boring for me. You know, it can be very bureaucratic, it can be very old fashioned, you know, not kind of slow to change at the time, so that... I didn't realize it. But I have been struggling for a long time with that, feeling like, well, I just don't fit in. And that's, you know, that's not fundraising's fault. That's something I've always felt. So I think it's interesting that I chose, you know, we choose these situations, you know, purposefully. So I chose this field where it was kind of triggering for me, but really wonderful as well. And I think over the last like six months or so, with, really, with Elina's help and your help, I've been able to stay in the field, but kind of do it my way. I feel so much better. And I tell people, I tell friends when... and actually former colleagues who are looking, you know, to make a change, I've told them I'm like, you know, "I haven't really moved fields, I haven't made a huge career shift. If you look at it from that level..."

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:31

You look at it from a conventional level, I suppose. But I think you have changed drastically in a number of other ways, though. And I'm curious, Lina, from your perspective, when you first started working with Margaret, what did you feel like were some of the initial challenges that she was working through and that she needed the most help with?

Evangelia LeClaire 10:54

Yeah, a lot of it is what I'm hearing, again, come up in this call is that, "Where can I find the right fit that will... the right environment, the right place that will accept me for who I am as a person, my personality, my values, what I bring, my creativity, my cleverness, my quirks?" And so that was one of the things that we worked through, and especially came up when it came time for you to interview.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:26

It did. And I definitely want to dig deep into that. Because I think that there's a bunch of things that our audience can learn from that exact time and space. But first, I really want to ask you about as you'd been in fundraising, and you had some good experiences, you had those ups and downs, I remember the first time I got to interact with you, and I think it was in a short phone call, and I remember you telling me that at some point, you had a realization that the current role that you're in wasn't a fit, and sounds like you've been feeling that for a period of time. So where did you first start to realize that it wasn't aligned in some of these other ways that you were talking about?

Margaret Fredrickson 12:06

Well, I've had a chance to think about that more, you know, since we last spoke, and, you know, to be honest, I think I realized it the first week that I was there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:18

Really? In what way?

Margaret Fredrickson 12:19

Oh, yes. And I thought about, you know, I would analyze, why don't I like it here? What's wrong with it? You know, why this doesn't feel right? But the money is so great, there's so much prestige, it has all of these, you know, I'm gonna make it work. I know I can do this. But I'm going to tell you, at the end of the day, what I've learned is, you know, I could go on and think about all that stuff, and, you know, greed and analyze it, or I could just pay attention to my gut. And I'm going to tell you from the second week, for a second week my gut would say, "Just as interesting. Let me just walk out the door." Really, I think towards about a year and a half, I was at a point where I would just walk in and I just want to, like, go, turn around and walk right out. And, you know, I'm not mad. There wasn't anything really wrong with it. That's the thing. The people there were some of the nicest people. The place was so deserving. Now that I've had some distance, it was a wonderful experience. I learned so much. So I don't regret it. But at the end of the day, it just wasn't for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:26

That's so interesting, I think, because so many of… people that are similar in your situation or similar in mindset where they have done a lot of different things. And they have... they can do a lot of different things, get into these situations where something is misaligned, and it might be a great job, it might be a great opportunity, you might have really incredibly nice, a really incredibly talented people, you know, I'm thinking of somebody else who we talked to not that long ago, Olivia, who worked at LinkedIn, she worked with some incredibly smart people, and it still, wasn't right. Similar situation. It was great opportunity, but not a great opportunity for her and I think that's what I'm hearing for you, too. It's a great opportunity, but it just wasn't well lined in the ways that you needed or wanted it at the time..

Margaret Fredrickson 14:18

Yes. And as I said, I don't regret it because I did learn so much, but I really would have regretted staying much longer. And here's why I think the universe and, you know, whatever it is, its serendipity does align, because the person who's in my job now, that who's in that role now, she's perfect for it. You know what it's like. And I know her. She was a former colleague in the UK, she moved to the US for the role, it is perfect for her. So it all worked out. It was a very uncomfortable time though, for me, it required a lot of courage that was very uncomfortable. So that's where Elina was just... I cannot thank her enough, she was so helpful in helping me get the courage. And when she and I first talked, I would imagine Elina, from your perspective, I can't speak for you, but I would think my body language was different. I bet I looked different. I've lost like, 15 pounds, eating chocolate and cake, right? I mean, I'm just so much happier. I look better. I feel better. I'm happier. And I just wasn't... I had gotten too deep. I'd stayed too long. And it was hard for me to see above the fence, you know, so she really helped me do that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:28

That is really interesting. I'm always fascinated about the things that... often we don't even fully understand science wise and research wise yet, but that have those deep reaching impacts, like looking better and feeling better. And just all the things that can go along with that. So I'm fascinated by that. But I'm curious, Elina, from your perspective, when you and her started working together, what were your major focuses at that point in time?

Evangelia LeClaire 15:57

There was a focus on getting her out of the gate quickly, and figuring out what the timeline was for her, and what actions we can take to align her with the next opportunity. So Margaret came as a fast action client. "Okay, I'm ready to go."

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:24

I want to do this in three months.

Evangelia LeClaire 16:26

Yeah, we got to make this happen. Let's get to it. And every time I would meet with her, it was something different. There was never that linear focus, which...

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:36

Not a surprise after...

Evangelia LeClaire 16:38

Yeah, not a surprise. So what ended up happening through that process is we went from action to getting aligned, and Margaret's great because she's coachable. And she's open to sharing how she's feeling. She's very in tune with how she's feeling and the stories and sharing the stories that may be uncovering behind the emotion, things from her past, things from her present, things about how she perceives herself in the future. So that was an easy conversation to have with her. Because she comes from that place. It's part of her nature to express herself in that way. But where we were we went from fast action, we just got to get this done to, "wait, let's really talk about who Margaret is."

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:25

Interesting. Was that at both of your prompting, or what caused that transition?

Margaret Fredrickson 17:29

From my perspective, it was like I needed someone to be in triage mode with me. And Elina was the best, just ready to meet me in that mode. So we'd go over... during the first few months, it was triage, how can I get out of here, get a new job that I actually like, doesn't have to be perfect, it's the next step that I need to exit. It's an emergency situation for me, because it felt terrible. And after that, I think I just kind of let out a deep breath, I was like, "Oh god, okay. Now what?" Now that you get to do the real, like, the deeper work, right? So I needed some surface level of work, triaging, very tactical, and then after that was done, the real work, I think, began and it still continues. It never ends.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:16

I don't think that ever ends for anybody. I think it gets fine tuned. And I think it gets different levels of depth, for lack of a better phrase. I'm curious what that was like for you, though, as you started digging into that deeper work, what were some of your focuses? And what did you find to be challenging about that for yourself?

Margaret Fredrickson 18:36

So I've been thinking a lot about that. And in general, well, there's a theme that I've found throughout our work, throughout my work with Elina and, hey, guess what, I'm finding it throughout life and it is a life hack vulnerability. So I have been thinking more about this, where, like, our CEO, where I am now, the best place ever. Really, vulnerability is one of our values. I've never worked anywhere where we talk about it so openly. And I think about it and I think just me being willing to be vulnerable with Elina and I didn't feel judged. And hey, even if I did feel judged, it doesn't matter. We have to be vulnerable with people. I don't believe that change is possible without vulnerability, and it was comfortable.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:29

I would definitely say that on the scale of non judgy people, Elina's towards the top. However, when you're talking about vulnerability, what did that actually look like, as you were working through some of what you wanted the most and what you were feeling, because this is pretty cushy stuff, for lack of a better phrase, it's very mushy, it is very nonlinear. It is very not laid out necessarily. And often it is a two steps forward, one step back type process when you're going through these things for yourself. So I'm curious, on one hand, what did that look like for you? And then what do you mean by vulnerability in the process?

Margaret Fredrickson 20:10

So in a concrete way, as I'm thinking back to our conversations, just... first, I felt vulnerable, just letting her, you know, telling someone that I wasn't happy where I was, and that really wasn't working out. Because I felt... you know, for me, it was a great disappointment. Elina, I mean, you know, she was so non judgmental, like, you know, logically, I know that she's a coach, she's Elina, she's there to be supportive. But right of being vulnerable is very uncomfortable. So it was horrible. I have to tell her, like, "Hey, this is not working out. Hey, I'm 40 years old, I don't even know what I want to do." Like, that's another thing, you know, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And that was, you know, I still feel vulnerable, saying that. So that's something and then also feeling like nervous before an interview, thinking, well, it's an interview. We know how these things are. And I know everyone feels nervous. But I would just express to her, you know, we had one call in particular, where I just felt so vulnerable. And I felt like, "Oh, they're gonna hate me, they're, oh my gosh, or they're gonna think I'm so kooky and crazy. I'm not, you know, not this buttoned up fundraiser type. That's what they want. Oh gosh, they're... you know, took acting classes, they're gonna find that out, they're gonna think I'm crazy." I'm like, well, Elina might think I'm crazy, too. Does that make sense?

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:37

Yeah, that makes total sense. And it sounds like for you, the vulnerability pieces were being able to put yourself out there in that way, in the way that you actually are from acting classes to not be in the traditional type of fundraiser, if you will, in an industry that is fairly traditional, for the most part, and exposing yourself in that way. It sounds like with some of the most difficult pieces. So I'm curious, Elina, from your perspective, you know, what did you think as you heard about some of those pieces, and you started to help her prepping for that interview? What was that like?

Evangelia LeClaire 22:15

A few things come up when you asked this question. Well, one, when you shared with me that you're taking, you know, these creative classes, acting classes, that was one of the actions that you took to help you get into accepting yourself and expressing yourself again, and out of your comfort zone. So that in itself is something that I just had to shine a light on and recognize for you when we were coaching that that is part of your helping process of owning who you are. And that's something that we would... we hear at Happen To Your Career recommend, as one of the things to take to really embrace and own yourself and your strengths. So shining a light on that was part of how I led some of the conversations, and helping you acknowledge your strengths. And just the gifts and the beauty that you carry, as you are– your quirks, your strengths, your expertise, and all. And so when we went into... I remember the interview conversation and excuse me, cuz this was like, what was it three months ago, four months ago, when we went into the coaching, and in your going into that interview, which I believe was happening that day, what you just shared in this podcast are those stories that were coming up. What do they think of me? What did they think of this? And all of those things. And so part of it was just getting back into the mindset of embracing who you are, your values, all the things that make up who you are, taking those quirks that you have that enable you to connect and engage with others. So in short, it was just embracing getting you to a place where you embrace who and all that you are, and acknowledging and accepting that by you not showing up that way, it's almost like you're doing a disservice to yourself and to the prospective employer. It won't be a good fit if you don't show up fully aligned and accepting of who you are confidently and so we had to get to that mindspace to bring you to that place, so that you showed up that way in this interview. And I remember you Margaret saying, "I don't even need to practice the interview questions. That's not what I'm worried about. It's all this other stuff." So I think the mindset was really important there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:30

I find it so interesting all the time talking about some of the other psychological pieces and rejection and things like that, that we get so worried, as human beings, about putting ourselves out there, because there's that prospect, that potential of that worry of rejection. And, in many cases, not in all cases, but a lot of times that fear of rejection has the same type of stimulus for us as if we're being chased down the Serengeti by a lion or something, which is absurd when you put it that way. But it doesn't feel that much different sometimes. And the irony, I think, in all of it is that when you do some of the hard things that I know that you eventually did, and put yourself out there in the way that you actually are, and have the ability to show up in the world, then people connect with that differently versus if you're playing apart. So I'm curious, Margaret, for you, you know, going into that, what helped you make the final and, I would say, a courageous decision, especially when you're being chased down the Serengeti by a lion, or, at least. What made you make the final decision, "No, I'm going to go and I'm going to be who I am." Like, what prompted from that discussion to actually doing it? Because you did it.

Margaret Fredrickson 25:53

Yeah. Well, I think that I would have gone in and been myself no matter what, because I made that decision that I knew that's what I had to do. I knew this is the right way. You know, there's this wise Margaret. And then there's Margaret running from the lions, right? That I know, the wise Margaret knew, "Oh, this is the way." If they don't like you for who you are, that's not a good fit, just not personal. So just be yourself. But the running from the lions Margaret, was like, "Oh my god, what do I do?" You know. So I think that that conversation was almost like an antidote to that, you know, being vulnerable and saying, "Oh my god, but what if I do this?" and just show this... it was like, I was showing her, "Hey, this is me running from the lions. Look at me." And, gosh, you know, I'm crazy. And just talking... having her be there to listen, helped me through it, coached me through it. What I think that did is prevent me from going in feeling nervous, which would have changed the energy of the interview, feeling nervous, you know, would have made it feel like a nervous meeting. That would not be a good interview. So I felt very calm, I felt confident, I felt like myself. And that's what I thought it's, you know, that... our coaching calling before that interview was like a little, you know, it was a little antidote for me. So I'd recommend that everyone do that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:20

Everyone get an antidote before you go and interview so that you can control the energy in the different way. I feel like... Yeah, absolutely.

Margaret Fredrickson 27:31

I get it. Mine is vulnerability.

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:35

I think that there's a lot of truth buried in there, too. Well, not even buried on the outset, because it really does change that interaction. And when so many companies are interviewing based on one or a couple, or essentially a small amount of time overall, you know, many companies aren't like dating for a year and a half, or, you know, five years or anything before they hire somebody, they need somebody in that role yesterday. And so it is a small amount of time. So people make judgments from that. And people, we as human beings, have a tendency to make judgments based on how we feel, and then justify the rest. Let's be honest, that's what happens. And there's a ton of research to support that. Out of all of this then, you've done a phenomenal job at making the transition going from this role that you were walking into every day, and essentially ignoring your gut for a while, but you knew that it wasn't right. And then eventually making this transition into something where you've been pretty ecstatic. Every time I interact with your email with you or anything else, or Elina tells me about you, she's like, "Oh, yeah, she's loving this, this, this and this." And what was hardest about making the transition overall? When you think back, what were some of the elements that were particularly difficult for you?

Margaret Fredrickson 28:54

I think the first element was just accepting that I needed to make the transition. You know, I was in a state of denial for a long time about, "Nope, I'm gonna make this work. It's the right thing." It's, you know, just accepting, "hey, I don't have to make this work. I don't have to make it work. It's okay. You know, you can move on, Margaret. It's all right. You're not less than anyone else because this doesn't work for you and it works for other people there." So, you know, with the other job, there was a lot of travel and a lot of time, and a lot of FaceTime was required to be in the office. So what I learned from that is some of the lifestyle considerations of a job. And, you know, how that fits with my personal life and my working style, they're much more important that I realized. I don't want to go into an office unless there's a good reason, unless it makes sense. I, you know, I'm anti bureaucracy, I hate to, you know, have to do FaceTime just for politics. There's nothing wrong with that for some people, but for me, it repulsive me. And with my new firm, something that attracted me to them is that they do this crazy in depth personality analysis for everyone who joins. And it was so fun, because it was absolutely spot on about who I am. And from that, it was like, you know, 1 out of 10 for bureaucracy and process, mine was like a 1, you know, I can't. And I didn't realize how, you know, how important that is to me, and how much more motivated I am when I feel free. So I'm like a caged bird, I have to feel free. If I don't feel free, I don't want... you know, I just want to walk out the door. And so I hadn't realized how important that was. And now that I feel free, oh my gosh, I'm on fire. I love it. I love what I'm doing. It's so much fun. It's not uncomfortable, though, also, in different ways. So it stretches me. So every day, I'm doing something, well, though every week, I feel like I'm doing something new, that I've not done before, that I've dreamt about, like, writing a blog post, I'm putting together a presentation on, you know, psychological blocks, something that I dreamt about. And the next month, I'm going to help a wonderful nonprofit, you know, put together their entire campaign, and coach them through that and actually meet with their donors and ask for money. So there's great variety, and it's super stretching. So as Keith, my husband, has seen that I've never worked this hard in my life, you know, now I'm trying to be more balanced. But I've never worked so many hours so hard. And it doesn't feel like anything's being taken away from me. Whereas before I felt like, well, I'm in England a lot, I missed my daughter, I missed my family, this work, you know, it didn't feel like it was worth it, and I wasn't growing. So I felt like something was being taken away.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:52

I think that's a very eloquent way to say it, because it truly is different for different people in terms of what they want. I mean, there's certain things that we need as human beings in order to feel more happy on a more regular basis, in regards to our work. But aside from that, everything is very different and very personal. And I think some of the commonalities are exactly what you said, when you're aligned with an environment and a role or a company or an organization or whatever it happens to be, and it doesn't feel like something is being taken away, well, the cool thing, I think, is that it enables you to be able to grow differently as a human being because it sets you up. Yes, maybe you're doing more challenging work. And yes, maybe you are doing, in some cases, more work. But you escalate at a much different rate. And that feels so much more rewarding, especially for people like you. And that is super cool. Nice job, by the way.

Margaret Fredrickson 32:50

Thank you so much. And I want to thank both of you. Because you really got me onto the StrengthFinder, that I feel like StrengthsFinder is like the gateway drug to getting it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:00

Isn't it?

Margaret Fredrickson 33:03

And I hadn't done it. I hadn't done that. Which is silly, because I mean, I'm always trying to get to know myself. But I hadn't done it in that way. And that was super helpful. Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:14

Absolutely. So that's the real reason why we have Strengths Finder on our website is because it's a gateway drug to all the rest of life fulfillment. No, I very much appreciate that. And it's been super cool to be able to get status updates from Elina, and has been super cool to be able to see it from afar. And I know that I'm certainly slightly jealous. Okay, a lot, that Elina got to have a front row seat. But thank you so much for trusting us to help you out with this. Really, really appreciate it.

Margaret Fredrickson 33:50

Thank you so much. Thank you both. You guys are awesome. I don't know if I would have had the courage to do it without your support. Eventually, but it wouldn't have happened so quickly. And thank you so much. And I listened to your podcast like a year before we ever spoke. So, you know that was a good way to kind of get some coaching as well and was helpful. So thanks.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:14

And now you're on the podcast at full scale journey as it turns out, so now after going through all of that, and being in a role that feels so much more like a fit, what advice would you give other people that are back where a non aligned Margaret was, you know, not that long ago, six months, seven months ago, and are just now starting to think seriously about making that change, what advice would you give them?

Margaret Fredrickson 34:41

I would say, you know, think about your network. Think about the people you know, who are doing... you know, think about your network, think about the people you know who are in roles that intrigue you, and interest you, hang out with, you know, hang out in the crowd where you want to be, you want to have an open mind, and try not to feel like you're limited.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:06

I think it's very accurate. Like, people come into this, actually, a lot of people come into it, the way that you came into it, where it's like, "Okay, I want to make this happen in three months, let's do this." And then that may still happen but if you only have just that mentality and are not looking at it with an open mind, then what we see is that people miss stuff, they miss opportunities, that could be really great and very well aligned with them. And if you're only centered on one particular thing, in one particular way, you're probably going to find that one particular thing in that particular way. But that doesn't necessarily mean that that is right for you. So I totally agree with that. I think that makes a lot of sense.

Margaret Fredrickson 35:50

As I think about this pivot and a move, well, as I think about these changes I've been through over the last, you know, six months, I don't think about it as a full life change where I'm, you know, I'm at the end, you know, I don't think about it as I'm in, you know, the final destination. And I've talked to friends about this, I feel like what I did, and I challenge others to approach it in this way as I was walking down a path, right? And I stopped, and I just moved my feet a little bit to the left. And then I started walking, I just kind of pivoted, I turned a little bit. And I started kept walking. And that was it. And now I just feel so much better. But this isn't the final destination. This is step number, you know, two. I was in step one, I turned a little bit, now I'm walking a different path, and sometimes it didn't feel so different right when I started. I thought, well, I'm still in fundraising, do I like fundraising? You know, but it was just a pivot. So I think it can be overwhelming to want to change your entire career. So, you know, why don't you pivot a little bit, because now I feel like I'm much more energy and much more positive. And I feel that much more is possible for myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:09

And I think those are the encouraging signs to look for. And it is so interesting that almost all of us have a tendency to come into this looking like, "Oh, well, I need to... I need to find what I'm going to do for the rest of my life." Or, you know, "This is gonna... this is gonna be it, I better make a good decision." But that actually is counterproductive in the process. And it takes away a lot of that creativity, and it takes away a lot of the things that might work out very, very well. So I think that's great advice. I really appreciate that.

Margaret Fredrickson 37:41

Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:42

Elina, anything that you want to add that you got to witness in her change or anything else that would be valuable for HTYCers that are listening everywhere to know about Margaret's strat?

Evangelia LeClaire 37:56

Yeah, you know, the big... one of the biggest thing I think character traits about Margaret is that she's open to, I guess, signs and exploring, kind of taking the playful approach. I know playfulness, and fun and adventure is one of your values. So going about this new chapter in her journey to figuring out what's next, that value would come up. And so even in the example I brought up earlier was when she took the acting class, and that helped her come into herself again. So this really comes from Margaret's story. It's, like, if we can look at what's next as playing in the sandbox, and from that lens of what's possible, and how is this an adventure, and what are the signs that I am on path to feeling great or aligned, that will make this process feel so much better.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:55

Hey, I really hope you enjoyed that. If you're ready to create and live a life that is unapologetically you, I want you to check out our ultimate guide to using your strengths to get hired. Find your signature strengths to be able to do what you love, what you're good at and bring value to your clients, your customers, your organization and everybody else and we teach you how to be able to leverage that too. So all you have to do for that is you can pause right now and text MYSTRENGTHS. That's MYSTRENGTHS, plural, to 44222. Or you can go over to happentoyourcareer.com and click on 'Resources' and find the strengths guide. I think you're gonna love it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:35

I so appreciate all the folks that have taken a moment to go and leave us some feedback on iTunes, on Stitcher, on all places where podcasts are played. This one is a five star review that says, "captivation, inspirational, I can do it momentum takeaway" five stars by Emy 87red. "I can change my life if I take action. Honestly, this podcast was awesome. Top of the line advice for free. Action oriented steps toward life and career that love you back." I love how you put that by the way. "After one episode I discovered a book by Emily Wapnick and totally changed my outlook on job obstacles in life itself. Totally a must listen podcast offers the most current career trends equipped with some amazing thought leaders and average people who have found a system that worked for them and ran with it. I could go on. I'm definitely a listener for life." Hey, I appreciate you being the listener for life. We are glad to have you. And thank you so much for sharing that with us because it helps even more people be able to find the podcast, find the episodes and be able to make it to a job and a career and work that fits their life. We've got even more in store for you coming up next week on Happen To Your Career. Take a listen.

40:52

So as I grew up, I was absolutely in love with the idea of being an ambassador, a foreign service officer, an international woman of history as it were. But after studying political science, learning French and some Turkish language, traveling extensively, I had the chance to work in an embassy. And you know, it was an incredible experience, but it was not I expected.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:14

All right, all that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Until then. I am out. Adios!

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:32

We get pretty deep into the weeds on... I don't know. It was semi awkward, so I'm not sure if it's perfect. So yes, please. I'm on the edge of my seat, only I'm standing.

Margaret Fredrickson 41:48

You make life feel so good.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:51

It's like a Tums commercial or something like that. That's what pops into my head for some reason. Here's the antidote to your interview anxiety and your bad energy. Oh, that cracks me up totally. But if only I could do that every time life would be a lot easier. Okay, I think that's enough.

Ready for Career Happiness?

What Career Fits You?

Finally figure out what you should be doing for work

Join our 8-day “Mini-Course” to figure it out. It’s free!

I Want to Create a Life for Myself Not Just a Job

Think back to the day of your high school graduation.

Remember the heat. Remember the squirming. Remember the excitement to get out of that place, and move on to something better.

But, for a second think back to the speeches that day. Whether it was your Principal or your Valedictorian (or maybe you!), they all had one thing in common. Each person imparted a piece of wisdom (or warnings) to you and your fellow 18-year-old graduates.

They told you: ‘Remember, it’s about the journey, not the destination.’

If you’re anything like me, that phrase went in one ear and out the other. You just finished the longest journey of your life: high school. And now, you were jumping out of your seat, although a bit nervous about the unknown, for whatever was to come next.

But then…you got there.

You arrived at that place–any adult milestone really (college, first job, moving to a new city), and this fearful, uneasy thought might have crept into your mind. You try to push it away, but it always comes back: “There must be something else out there.”

So, you continue to search. New job, new city. New friends, new relationships.

But it somehow, each step you take still ends up feeling the same.

ARE YOU CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR FULFILLMENT?

If we are always looking for external milestones, like a new job title or pay increase, without first addressing the internal stuff, we’ll always be on the hunt.

We’ll constantly be looking for that feeling, and asking ourselves that question: “Is this it?”

During this week’s podcast episode, I dug deep with Kelly, a Career Change Bootcamp graduate and a woman who went through a radical mindset shift a couple of months ago.

She was in the same exact place. She had all of the external things: a great job at Linkedin, an awesome apartment in the Big Apple, a savings account that most of us could only imagine…but she still wasn’t happy. From the outside, it looked like she had everything.

But on the inside, she was struggling to answer those big life questions: What does it mean to lead a meaningful, purposeful life?

SOMETIMES IT TAKES A BURN OUT TO REALIZE YOU NEED A RADICAL MINDSET SHIFT

Kelly, didn’t begin looking for those answers until she changed her life completely.

After working at as a sales manager at Linkedin for about two years, she realized that her vision of success became skewed…and she wasn’t actually enjoying the journey.

I was in a role that wasn’t natural to me. I was doing tasks and activities that didn’t come naturally and I think that is where the burn out came. It’s because I was exhausted. When you force yourself it’s like fitting a square peg in a round hole. You can’t maintain that.

Even though She had worked in sales before her role at LinkedIn, and loved her clients she was constantly chasing these external validators of success. Her life at the time was determined by how many deals she could close, and what her bonus would be at the end of the year.

So, she pasted on that fake smile and kept pushing herself to reach her goals…until one day she just couldn’t.

She walked into work and told her boss she was quitting that day.

She didn’t have a plan, but she knew that she needed to do some soul-searching before she could begin to figure it out.

“I NEEDED TO CREATE A LIFE FOR MYSELF, NOT JUST FIND A JOB”

The perfectionism in my life drove me to success and to crumble. I lacked basic self love. That was a huge part of my life as crazy as it sounds that I never developed.

In the next phase of her life, she focused on understanding her life’s purpose.

But, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Because for a long time, she had this sense that her “purpose” would just “fall from the sky.”

…Ever feel that way?

Over time, she realized that finding your purpose in life really comes back to this idea of self-love. She needed respect herself enough to challenge those ideas of what she was “supposed” to be. Upon that assessment, she realized that she went into sales after college because that’s all she had known: her father was a successful salesman, and those surrounding her told her that she would be really good at it, too.

Once she began to challenge those ideas of “success” she was able to assess what was most important to her in life–relationships with family and friends, where she lived, what she was doing each day, the people she worked with–or all of the above?

Asking herself these tough questions, and working through the answers with her career coach, Lisa Lewis, ultimately landed her in a role, a company, and a city that enabled her to build a life.

THE 10 QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PAST THAT WILL LEAD TO YOUR FUTURE

At certain points in our lives, it’s important to take stock of our past in order to inform our future.

During her “soul-searching” process, she assessed the major aspects of her life so that she could get insight into what she wanted in this next phase. We often think that “you can’t change the past,” but time and time again we’ve seen that looking backwards helps us make better decisions for our future.

If you’re at the beginning stages of assessing what it means to create a purposeful life, take some time to answer the following 10 questions. We’ve also created a handy worksheet so that you can always refer back to these answers.

HOW WILL YOU CREATE A PURPOSEFUL, MEANINGFUL LIFE?

Kelly’s journey was just that: a journey. And one that is still evolving, still growing, still shifting.

Because, through this soul searching process, Kelly, found meaning in that age-old phrase, “Enjoy the journey, not the destination.”

So, no matter where you are in life right now–whether you’re sitting in those high school graduation seats or sitting behind a desk at a job that you despise…just know that this is part of your journey, too.

Understanding your life’s purpose takes work, and a whole lot of self-love. And, maybe an extra eye or two. Coaches, friends and family are able to connect dots that sometimes you just can’t see in your own life.

So, like she says–don’t take yourself too seriously. And, begin to allow yourself to see life for what it is: a journey that changes and evolves with each passing day!

Don’t take yourself too seriously: “One thing I could have a conversation about is I think for a lot of people having a job and figuring out your life is very serious business that affects you day to day but one thing that helped me was I reframed and restructured what I thought about life. I think of it now as one big game. Everything was life and death to me and so pressure on myself. I’m sure listeners can relate. Make life a game. Few things are life and death. Have fun with it. If you have a crappy interview laugh about it and ask what could I have done. Stay in learning.

Kelly 00:03
They really didn't have a lot of, you know, processes in place. And it was very, you know, just kind of shoot from the hip. I mean, here's we're continuing, they didn't have anything really defined, it was very difficult to do business. I didn't even have basic resources that I needed to do my job. We were constantly, you know, having management changes, and people are constantly leaving a lot of turnover. And that's completely normal for organization.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career. This is the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories, we get to bring on all kinds of experts like Mark Sieverkropp, who helps people stop waiting for permission, and allows them to move forward and take action. And other people that have pretty amazing stories like Ace Chapman, who buys and sells businesses so he can live the lifestyle that he wants to. But all of these people, they're just like you, but they've already gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. Today's guest, it's Kelly.

Kelly 01:30
I've actually only been in the role for about 9 days now. Still very, very new but I do have a very strong sense of what I will be doing. And I've already actually, you know, kind of hit the ground running, you know, with some of my responsibilities. But I am a leadership recruiter at Indeed down in our Austin headquarters office. And so I'm essentially responsible for helping to source and bring on executive leadership internally for the organization.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:02
We really get deep into the whole professional development piece and it's not a negative, a selfish or a bad thing. But instead, to really make it a great thing in your life, you'll have to learn how to stand firm in your own growth process, so that you can get the results that you're seeking, we'll show you what we mean. And then learn what feel moments are, and how having more of them can lead to more life fulfillment along the way. And we talk about how to analyze your past jobs, your past positions to determine what you like and what you don't like, so that you can start crafting your new career path, and what specifically to look for, that you might not already know. Take a listen for that, it's subtle. And the funny thing about this whole career thing and thinking about the future is sometimes your vision for the future can be fuzzy based on a skewed sense of success. And that's absolutely what was going on, reevaluating how you define success can lead to some pretty huge breakthroughs.

Kelly 03:02
I'll really start you know, after graduating from college, this was back in 2010, I went to American University in Washington DC. And really, like most college graduates, had no idea what I wanted to do when I graduated from college. But my father was a successful sales guy. And I kind of displayed a lot of, I think the attributes, you know, to be successful in sales, I, you know, was a, you know, college soccer player, I had gone through some military training. I was just, you know, very much I think in tune with like the type of person I am very A type personality, I love working with people, everything like that. So I was actually recruited out of college at a job fair for W.W Grainger, if you're familiar with that, industrial supply space, and they were having a new, you know, pilot program for new college graduates that they were running to get people out in field sales. So I was an outside sales rep for them, really only lasted three months, it was not a successful program, didn't care for it, but definitely learned a lot that was kind of my first step in recognizing what I didn't want in my career, which a was outside sales, I didn't enjoy being in a vehicle, driving around to different prospects, you know, throughout the day. I knew I wanted to kind of be in an office and I just felt like I was wasting a lot of time in that regard. So I left that job as many other people they actually close the program down. And I took a couple of months and then I went into technical recruiting. And I started to work for a small boutique, IT staffing, consulting firm in the DC area and started doing some you know, technical recruiting for them, kind of learning what recruiting was all about. I thought it was kind of a good next step and then I moved into more of an account manager role with them. So that was my first kind of my entry back into sales in terms of acquiring clients to help staff roles for and I worked there for a number of years, moved up in the company was very successful. It was small enough where I had great mentorship of just learning the ropes and having that very small, I wouldn't say startup, but small company, you know, experience. So I learned a lot through that. And then I kind of outgrew that role. There wasn't any other, you know, place for me to move up in that company. So during my time at the company, we had adopted LinkedIn, as use of, you know, recruiter tools. And I fell in love with LinkedIn, it changed the way I did business, it changed the way I recruited. So I called LinkedIn up and I said, or I think I sent emails via LinkedIn. I said...

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:31
That seems appropriate, doesn't it?

Kelly 05:34
It does, yeah, crazy, like strategic about how I did everything. But I was just, I was very passionate about the product. And I think that's kind of where my mind was. And I was like, I would love to share, you know, my experience working, you know, with LinkedIn and help other small businesses and clients do the same. So we ended call up, got the interview, got the job, ended up moving up to New York, for a sales role in which I work with small to medium sized businesses, and help them to build out their branding, utilize the network on a lot of back end solutions. So it was more of an account manager role there for three years. And this is kind of when everything came to head. That is... that propelled me to where I am now is, you know, that role was very, very fulfilling, for me, I think, and it was very difficult to be honest, to get into a role like that, because I was moving from a very unstructured, small organization into, you know, I know, LinkedIn was still very startup-y, but was a much broader, more well defined and structured place. And I think I had trouble adjusting.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:35
People understand what that's like, because we get a lot of questions about the differences between, well, those, I would say those are almost on two different ends of a spectrum in some ways. So what was one, like compared to the other?

Kelly 06:50
Yeah, I think, you know, the biggest glaring difference was the first organization that I worked for, and I don't want to make this sound like the negative connotation of the company, but it just wasn't a very professional environment. What I mean, by that is, you know, they really didn't have a lot of, you know, processes in place. And it was very, you know, just kind of shoot from the hip. I mean, here's we're continuing, they didn't have anything really defined, it was very difficult to do business, I didn't even have basic resources that I needed to do my job. We were constantly, you know, having management changes, and people were constantly leaving a lot of turnover. And that's completely normal for organization. Going to LinkedIn, it was much more sophisticated. Obviously, it was a much more reputable company, which helped a lot, you know, it always doesn't sales when people you call them up, and they actually know who you are.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:40
I think that I know you. I've heard of you. You're amazing! Yeah.

Kelly 07:46
And there's positives and negatives that too, you know, I got a lot of, you know, clients who didn't have positive experiences LinkedIn. But in that event, you know, then going into that environment and I think, you know, the people and the quality of people in an organization LinkedIn was top tier, I mean, I worked with some of the smartest, most talented, diverse, just fun and good human beings, like in that organization, I think, then, you know, anywhere else in my life that I met, and, you know, going in there, and having a very structured sales organization, it was difficult for me to adapt, because I never, you know, been in that before. And it really, in all honesty, my first year was a huge growing year for me, you know, I didn't do well in terms of meeting quotas, and I struggled a lot. And then, you know, basically, second year came around, I got a new manager, and I sat down with her, and I said, we really need to roadmap this out to make sure that I'm successful this year. Now, I kind of have the hang of things. So that, you know, adjustment in transition period was challenging, but I worked through that. And I think, you know, for anybody who goes through that, I think you need to just give yourself time and be patient and utilize resources, you know, in order to, you know, let yourself go through that process, because I don't think there's a magic answer for that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:56
I wish there was a magic answer for that. It would be an awful lot easier. But I think that there's a lot of growth that can come through that type of thing, too. And that would be... if you want to call that a silver lining. For some people, they thrive in those types of situations. Other people don't think either way is good nor bad, necessarily. But I completely understand what you mean. So what happened from there, then?

Kelly 09:19
Yeah, so going into my second sales here, which starts in January, this was 2015, I did get a new manager. And things were kind of shifting in the organization. We were doing some organizational changes in terms of how sales people were working with the customer success people. So I actually had a gentleman who I worked with, who helped me with a lot of the things that I you know, didn't necessarily want to spend the time doing with my clients and I just wanted to be able to work with my clients and he did a lot of the, you know, other stuff. And so I went through that and I was so determined that year to be successful, and I set benchmarks for myself and goals, and I just kind of got this, I don't know how do you explain it, but it was this newfound confidence. And I think, you know, a lot of it was because I made sure I let my manager know exactly what I want to accomplish. And I really utilized her, I utilized other people in the organization, and I just kind of like sprung for it and said, you know, I'm gonna do the very best I can do. And, you know, by, you know, the second quarter, third quarter, fourth quarter, you know, I was the top salesperson in that office, I was winning awards, never thought I would win, I was, you know, selling products and deals that I never thought I would close. And it was like, the most successful year of my career I made, you know, more money than I ever thought I could make. I mean, just all the way across the board. It was like successful just working with my clients and finding new ways. And so, you know, I kind of came out of the end of that year, you know, very, very satisfied, but I will be honest with you, I think that, that success got, like, got to my head, and it almost became like my identity, like I almost turned into a workaholic that year because I wanted so badly to be successful in that role that it consumed me. And I realized by the end of that December, that although I had gotten where I wanted to go wise and within the company, and you know, financially, that was kind of when I had this aha moment when everything was gonna change for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:18
What did you... it sounds like, when you have that aha moment, first of all, I'm super curious about what that aha moment is. But even before we get to that, what was causing you to want all of those things in terms of how you were measuring success for that particular year for yourself? Looking back, what do you think that was?

Kelly 11:42
Yeah, that's a great question, Scott. And to be completely frank with you, I think my idea of success was completely skewed. And I think that this idea of what I always thought success should look like, really, down deep wasn't what was making me happy, I think I was looking a lot of external things like the financials and the accolades and the recognition. And, you know, kind of, I think, like what society places as like an overly successful person in business, as opposed to internally, I could not feel that like, couldn't have felt less successful in my own mind, despite all success that I had.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:16
Interesting. So then, what was that aha moment then, describe that for me? And what did you feel like was really missing out of that societal definition of success?

Kelly 12:27
Yeah. So I'll never forget it was late in December, it was after I had hit my annual quota at LinkedIn, I'll never forget coming back to my apartment, I was standing in my bedroom in my apartment in New York, it was the end of the year. And it was like, kind of like, "Okay, it's all over now. I like it." And then I remember receiving, like my final paycheck from LinkedIn. And, you know, I can't even tell you night and day, like the amount of money I was previously making to that, you know, that's kind of a big step in your career, when you kind of see the numbers affect it. And you know, at that time, I think, you know, I wanted to be very financially sound. So the money was very big for me. And I remember looking at that paycheck, and I remember, I said to myself out loud, like, "Is this it? Is that all there is?" And that was this moment where like, I knew that something wasn't right. And that was like, I should be happy, I should be fulfilled. But what I realized was that I was really going for the end result. And I didn't enjoy the process at all. And when I say don't enjoy the process, like yesterday, enjoy working with my clients. Yes, I did. But you know, really, I was all driven by what that end result was. And I was waiting for the end of the year. And that's what drove me, it was so hard. It's like, I couldn't wait to just get to the end of the year for it all to be over. As opposed to just enjoying the day to day and learning and growing and, you know, actually, like embracing the role, and it sounds very, you know, weird, and it's not to say I didn't, you know, enjoy the role but I just... I focused on the wrong things. And that's really when it like came to me, and I said, like, if this is all there is and I, you know, did this, this and this and said, something's missing, like I need to figure this out. This shouldn't be right, I should be feeling happy and joyous and kind of looking back on my achievements and, you know, feeling fulfilled. And that was not the case.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:09
So that is super interesting in breaking apart some of the pieces of what creates that fulfillment and the "enjoying the journey" because I think everybody's heard that saying in some fashion or another, and most of us, I found don't necessarily fully understand what it means. And to be totally completely fair, it's only in the last five years that I have really even started to feel comfortable in joining the journey, if you will. So, from your perspective, then what do you think that, that looks like for you to enjoy the journey? Either, you know, as you started to realize that and as you started to become aware of that, and then going forward, what do you anticipate that, that will be like? And help define that a little bit for us from your perspective, too, because it's hard to wrap your head around, I think.

Kelly 15:07
It is. It's a very difficult, you know, process. And I think especially in this day and age, everything is very results and performance boring, especially, you know, in a sales role, which is why I think I kind of got so lost. But, you know, as I've taken a step back, you know, from that and really, you know, evaluated everything in my life, I think, you know, one of the things I have realized is we do, we spend so much time in process. Most of life is very little of it, is the actual end result. So if you're not enjoying the process, like, you know, you're probably not going to be overly fulfilled, and you're going to struggle a lot. And that's what I realized. So what I recognized was moving forward, not just in a job, but really in every area of my life. Because I do this in other areas in relationships, and, you know, other tasks and, you know, goals that I have for myself, I realized, you know, take a step back, and like, what do you enjoy doing? And that's really what I extrapolated everything in terms of a job or, you know, where do I love to spend my time? Like, what do I start thinking about, you know, on a, you know, when I start daydreaming and, you know, if I started to kind of ask those questions, you know, what would I do if I didn't have to work another day in my life, and you start asking the questions that really hone in on purpose and fulfillment and the natural things that come to you, as opposed to, you know, kind of trying to force yourself and that's what I was doing. I was almost like, in a role that wasn't very natural to me, I was doing a lot of tasks and activities that, you know, just didn't come naturally to me. And that's where I think the burnout came out, the crash and burn that I eventually had in the next quarter. And, you know, it's because I was exhausted and when you, you know, force yourself it's like fitting a square peg into a round hole. I mean, you can't maintain that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:51
Yeah, yeah. So what were some of those things for you that were the small pieces that you mentioned, that you really did love that you started paying attention to? And realizing, hey, this is where I need to spend more of my time versus forcing myself into this slot, if you will.

Kelly 17:08
Right. Yeah, I think one of the key things for me is, I realized in that sales role at LinkedIn, that I loved working with people, and I will say I am naturally I'm an INFJ, if that means anything to anybody, I'm naturally very introverted, but when like I can turn it on, but it's got to be for small bouts of time. So I'm much more of a sprinter than a marathoner. So I can, you know, talk to somebody, have a great deep conversation, and then I need to kind of sit back and reflect on it. In a sales role at LinkedIn, I am constantly pounding phones all day long, you know, constantly giving client presentations, I realized that that was not the right type of role for me. So moving forward, what I discovered was, I would love to still be in a role where I am, you know, talking with people and meeting with people. And it's very people focus as opposed to product focused where, you know, I'm sitting there trying to solve business problems, I want to solve people problems. And that's kind of where, and that may sound a little bit funny, but that's kind of where the difference between sales and recruiting came in why I think I went back to recruiting because I was talking to people about real life things, as opposed to putting together proposals for, you know, for a product or a service that I was trying to sell.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:20
That's really interesting, particularly because of that people component. And when it comes to what creates meaningful work for each of us, there really, honestly, is a little bit different definition because we all want to help people in some way. But there can be completely different ways that you versus I versus the next person perceive that we are helping people. And it sounds like for you, it has to be much more direct than maybe the next person.

Kelly 18:54
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think also, you know, this element within me that I've got to have deep conversation, I was made up of 200 to 250 clients at LinkedIn. And I wasn't able to get really deep with them, if you can imagine because of that. So I enjoyed having deeper conversations with clients. And I realized that because I did develop a few. And that's something that I'm looking forward to having more in a recruitment role, because you're really diving into that person's life and their career, you know, on an individual basis. I'm not trying to manage all the accounts.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:28
Absolutely. I can completely empathize, sympathize, I suppose, with that because that's one of the reasons why I love having these types of conversations. I have to in my life, have ongoing, deeper, meaningful conversations. I'm not the person who's incredibly excited about small talk, honestly, I get bored really quickly. That may seem selfish to some people, but that's part of what's the way that I'm wired and the way that I think. And so I can absolutely identify with that. Now, you had this realization and you know, you went to that, you got that paycheck moment, like we're talking about process versus end result, there was a whole year of process and one paycheck moment. And so after you had that, you had this aha moment, and started started thinking about this in a little bit different way felt like something was missing. At what point did you start to take action on that? And how did that look for you?

Kelly 20:30
Yeah, I... pardon me, my phone's ringing here in the background. Well, I honestly could feel, you know, that this moment, you know, in all honesty, about, you know, half the year and even before I had this aha moment, I could kind of feel something coming on, because I knew in my heart that like, I just couldn't wait to get to the end of the year. But, you know, the first quarter went by, and it was about, probably, in April. So about four months later, I was sitting, I kind of had another moment... and I'm a pretty, I don't say, pretty rash person, but when I make up my mind to do something, I really do it. And I, you know, I don't play around with it. So I struggled, you know, in the first quarter of my results after, you know, kind of coming, staying on top, all the 2015, 2016 that first quarter was probably the worst quarter of my career, completely crashed, I was over it, I was burned out, couldn't do it. And I remember sitting in a client meeting in Boston, this was in like, late April, early May. And I remember just like looking out the window and I was like, "I'm done." Like, I didn't even care. And I said, "This isn't fair to my clients. This is apparent to me, like I should be, you know, really interested in, you know, solving problems for them." And I was just over it to be quite honest with you. And I just had this moment, I said, like, I can't, I was pretty dramatic. And I was like, I can't do this another day. And at that time, I was actually working with a performance coach, and you know, was telling him everything was going on. And this was a Thursday, and I flew back to New York from Boston on Thursday night, and I put some time on my managers calendar. And by noon that day, I told her, I was putting in my resignation, I said, "I'm done. I don't know where I'm going from here. You know, I don't really care. But I know that this isn't the place. And this isn't fair to anyone. And I wanted to do by the company by myself." So, you know, here, I was about to be jobless in New York City with, you know, high rent and, you know, didn't know where I was going in my life. But I think like, that's kind of a risk that you have to take in and my saying that, you know, "Everybody should go quit their job without anything else lined up?" No, I think I really just need to take a massive breather, I knew that financially, I was able to do what I was very fortunate for that. But I knew that I think the biggest step for me was just getting out of my current situation, so I could realign myself, if that makes sense. I couldn't do it. If I continued in this role, the role was just pulling way too much energy and time for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:49
Yeah, that completely makes sense. I've been working on, I don't know, let's call it a theory for the moment. Over the last period of time, just as we've encountered and worked with so many different types of personalities, it really seems there is a particular type that, how do I say it, and I fall into this group too, so maybe that is selfishly why I'm interested in it. But where once you reach that moment, whatever it is, and maybe not even associated with burnout, but where... you almost can't force yourself to do something, once you have that realization, you almost cannot force yourself to keep going. Otherwise, the work just drastically be grades, or all of these other things that are desirable to that type person, don't happen. And I'm curious, your thoughts on that? And if that is what you've really... have you seen that for yourself in other places, too? Or was it really just that particular time or that moment?

Kelly 23:50
I think in a lot of areas of my life that's, like how it's been for me. And so, you know, I actually agree, I think with, you know, with kind of your theory, you know, in terms of that, I think everybody just handles it very differently. And I think it is very dependent on the personality of the person. And I think there's so many other elements involved, like I was a single person, I didn't have any constraints, I think if you have family, or you're married, or you have to take in children, you could say, it's a very difficult thing to do, you don't necessarily have the freedom and a luxury to be able to do that. And I, you know, really recognize that and, you know, I'm blessed that I wasn't, you know, in that situation, but for people who, you know, are in that situation, I think they have to be a little bit, you know, more careful and really consider a lot more things which could make it a little more complicated, which, as you and I both know, I think why a lot of people stay in roles that they know that they aren't right for companies or whatever in their life, you know, because people involved. So, yeah, I absolutely kind of agree with that theory. And I just, I think it's, you know, dependent upon other factors in your life as well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:54
Absolutely. So, okay, you had this realization, you started... you ended up leaving the role. And now you're jobless in New York City. And fortunately you have, from all that work and burnout and everything, you had some money to be able to show for it. Wasn't necessarily what you wanted but it enabled you to be able to take that type of step, which sounds like was right for you. And what happened from there?

Kelly 25:26
Yeah, so to be completely honest with you, it was a tough... I stayed in New York for six months later, my lease didn't end until November. So I was kind of stuck there. But I did not do a single thing really job related in that next six months, you know, I think the first couple of weeks after LinkedIn, I just kind of went out, had fun, you know, I started to date a new guys. So that was a great distraction. But I, you know, coming from that crash and burned, I don't want to make it sound like, you know like, "peace I'm out" like, I'm excited about my life. Dropped the mic, you know. It was a struggle for me. I mean, there was some depression that sit in and then a lot of doubt, and I think, you know, I basically self sabotage in that role. And I walked myself out of that role, I think, because I knew that if my performance continued to decrease as it was it, I was going to be let go and I think that scared me. And I think I was basically just giving myself an out there too. But I really struggled with, and I think all of these things built up is, I had a lot of inner work to do on myself. And I had a lot of self doubt. I beat myself up constantly. I mean, the perfectionism in my life is what drove me to success. But it also, you know, drove me to crumble where I was, I think I lacked basic self love, you know, I think, like, that was a huge part, as crazy as that sounds, you know, a part of my life that I never really developed, I was always still results and my results were basically... they basically determined my self worth and my value. And I think, you know, when you're in a high performing role like that, it's easy for that to happen. So basically, after leaving LinkedIn, I felt like I was nothing. And I, you know, you start to have these thoughts, like, you know, I'm a piece of crap, and you know, anybody ever hire me again, you know, I was gonna get fired anyways, all of that work in 2015, it was just a, you know, a fluke, I kind of had some imposter syndrome going on there. So, you know, you really start to doubt and, you know, I knew that as long as I was in that mindset, I wasn't going anywhere fast. And as quickly as it would be to run out and get another job, I knew that these problems, were just gonna follow me and it didn't matter. So I really, you know, spent the next six months trying to work through this stuff, I was still working with my peak performance coach talking everyday to him. And to be honest with you, like I was just still struggling. I mean, I struggled hard for six months. And then after my lease was up, I ended up just saying goodbye to New York, and I said, "Listen, I'm not going to pay another year of this rent. I'm moving back home to St. Louis, I'm going to just take some time and figure things out for a couple of months" which turned out to be a year, not a couple of months.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:04
You moved back to St. Louis, which the money why sounds amazing. But your family's there too, right? If I recall.

Kelly 28:11
Here, I actually ended up coming back and living in my parents house which was interesting, but it was... I was very blessed that they let me and I think originally it was only because I was going to be here for a couple of months. It didn't make sense to go out and, you know, get an apartment. But it turned out to be a year long that I was here. And that was you know, kind of crazy. I kind of felt like, you know, I was like that 30 year old living with mom and dad still. So it was like, kind of hard for me. But I mean, you coming back to St. Louis and you know, this whole year that I took, you know, it still took a lot of time it. And to be honest, in that year that I came back to St. Louis, it wasn't until the last maybe three months that I even started looking for a job. So majority of my time was not looking for a job. It was doing personal development stuff, and really working to get over these hurdles, that I knew would do me much better in the long term, you know. And I would constantly be getting from people, you know, do you have a job yet? You know, in my mind, I'm not even looking for a job, you know, I can go out and get a job tomorrow. That's not the problem. But all the work that I was doing was gonna propel me into finding the next right job for me, you know, I was looking at it very holistically in terms of creating a life plan. And Lisa and I, that's where I think she came in and was very helpful is, you know, when you talk about getting a job, that doesn't sound, you know, that fulfilling alone, but what about creating a life, right?That sounds a lot more compelling to people. So I needed to find a compelling enough reason to kind of create this life for myself, like that sounded fun to me and all of the different elements with, you know, location, relationship, the things I'd be doing on a daily basis, my personal goals, so it was really a much broader plan, then, you know, going on job boards and you know, selecting jobs on there and things like that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:53
Yeah, in for a little bit of background context. You found us I think, for The Muse, if I were recall and then ended up joining our career change bootcamp program. And that's where you got to work with Lisa, who is one of the coaches on our team who back in Episode 147, you can go back and listen to Lisa's story as well. So then you started working with Lisa on this creating the life plan and ultimately creating the life that you were interested in. Now, it occurs to me that when you're getting all those questions about, "Hey, do you have your job yet? Do you have your next job?" Yeah, like, all the things that people ask, I'm curious what that was like. But also, it is seems to be interesting that thinking about it in terms of holistically and creating the life plan, it is abnormal enough that it seems like a lot of people don't understand. So I'm curious what that was like. Because when people are going through this, they often get similar questions, no matter where.

Kelly 29:53
Yeah. And I think there's a lot of pressure too, you know, your pressure from parents and family and people in your life who... they have good intentions, you know, they want us to do well. And they're, I think in the mindset, some of them I think are more old fashioned, it's all about, you know, making sure you're secure and you have a job. But for me, I mean, I was very lucky, I didn't actually get a lot of that, I got that from you know, a few people. And I think, you know, my parents were obviously, you know, concerned they wanted me to, you know, have employment and things like that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:23
I'm just curious what that was like, as you were interacting with different people during that time? And how you worked through that and how you handled that because of those pressures?

Kelly 31:34
Yeah, yeah, that's right. So you know, and having those people come to me, I really stood firm, I knew that what I was doing was the right path. And I didn't let that you know, interfere with what I was doing. I said, you know, what, I'm actually not looking for a job right now. I'm really doing a lot of personal development stuff. And then like, well, like, you know, what's personal development, right? That's a whole another conversation and doing inner work. Some people don't even know what that means. But I mean, essentially, what I was doing was, I was looking myself in the mirror, and I was really taking apart all of the elements of myself that, you know, that I didn't particularly like, and I was looking to improve them and change them, and restructuring, it's almost I like to, I kind of got into this whole element of Neuro Linguistic Programming to another thing, and I'm a huge Tony Robbins fan, Jim Rome fan. And when I was working with this previous coach, he taught me a lot about it. But I was basically trying to go in and rewire my operating system, so my brain and tried to restructure, you know, how I was thinking about everything and asking myself different questions. And, you know, I think it's the day to day, a lot of it is a very subconscious level. And that's, you know, something that most people, you know, don't necessarily pay attention to. So I was having a whole different level of awareness of like, no wonder why I'm walking around miserable and I think I'm no good. It's because I'm, you know, the thoughts that are running through my mind are so negative and I'm telling myself, I can't do anything, you know, what if I asked myself better questions and this and that, and that's something that Lisa and I worked towards. So to kind of get back to your question, I really didn't have too tough of a time I, you know, to be honest, kind of, I don't say shut people out of my life. But this was definitely a time for me to focus on myself. And being back in St. Louis, I didn't really, you know, have good connections here anymore, because I've been gone for so long. So I didn't really have to work on that too much. It was a good time of kind of solitude and doing my own thing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:29
After you started working with Lisa, then what started making a difference for you as you were interacting with her through CCB? What was that like? And how did you start to move forward from there?

Kelly 33:46
Yeah, Lisa was really instrumental in helping me slow down the process, because I'm very impatient.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:54
I'd never guessed.

Kelly 33:57
You know, you have this type and you want everything and you want it now. And, you know, really, I was still I think, you know, although I was still going through personal development, I think that the back of the mind, I was still, like, in my mind, like, hoping for a miracle that like this thing that I was supposed, I really struggle with this whole idea of purpose. And this thing that I was supposed to do with my life was like this job in this calling, just as crazy as the dog, I just thought it was gonna, like, drop down from the sky one day, it was just going to come to me. And I was very wrong about that. It doesn't work like that. But Lisa, you know, helped me kind of take a step back and reframe everything, in terms of the day to day and as we go back to like the process, more living like in that moment. And really just being aware and you know, I was working through a lot of the... like the strengthsfinder test that you guys provided and a lot of the things in the first couple of modules, with Happen To Your Career, and those things were really helpful because it really let me break things down into pieces and recognize like, oh, I didn't realize I was like that. And I really started to discover things about myself that I really didn't know about before because I'd never taken the time to be aware and to like discover. And I think I always had this, as I talked about, you know, in college kind of propelling into a sales career, I think I always felt like I was supposed to be something, you know, I was supposed to be in sales or I was supposed to be this type of person because everybody thought of me as this. And that's very difficult. And I think a lot of people and hopefully, some of the listeners can relate to that is, you know, you have this idea of who your parents think you should be, or the people in your world should be, and they have expectations for you, and the type of life that you're supposed to live. And I realized, like, those rules that I had for myself, like, I could break those rules, it didn't have to be like that. I could be, you know, I could recreate myself, and I didn't have to stick to what other people wanted. And that's not to say that they didn't have good intentions for me, but I kind of like started to go in and say like, I do have a very soft sensitive side, you know, and I am a very loving, empathetic person. And those are things that I never allowed to come out in, you know, a very fast paced, rigorous hardcore sales career that I've had. So please, help me kind of go back and recognize those things. And I think one of the most key things that, and I think this was duly said and we kind of talked about this is, instead of thinking, I think all the time, right, we tend to think we think about this, we think about that. Instead of thinking, I would take time and I would feel, I would sit there on a daily basis. And whatever, like happened, whenever I'd be exploring something, or just kind of having a conversation with somebody, I didn't like think about what they were saying, I was really focusing on like, how does that make me feel? Does that strike a chord? You know, do I get goosebumps, and that I think is the key for really understanding where you're supposed to be, what you love. And if you could have more of those feel moments throughout the day, I think it will make your life a lot more fulfilling all the way about it. I think those are signals that you can't ignore, but you have to take time to feel instead of think your way to success, if that makes sense.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:59
That completely makes sense. It's also a skill, I would say, that takes a bit of practice. Honestly, it took me years of practice to really start, well, actually to stop paying attention to what was in my head, and start paying attention to what was in my heart or gut or however you want to look at it those feelings. And it is, I wish I could say that for anybody, we could just flip the switch. But really much like anything else, it takes a ton of practice and work to be able to really do that very, very well. Now, I think it's worth it. Most of the people that I have talked to, that have gone through and taken the time to begin paying attention to that, almost all of them have said, "Oh, yeah, it's totally worth it." Much like anything else that is incredibly difficult in life. But until you can start to untangle that the thinking versus the feeling, it really makes it difficult to be able to untangle some of the other pieces that you mentioned too, like, my parents perceptions of me versus how I want to perceive myself or how I want to show up in the world. So that's super interesting. And I love the way that you put that in terms of the thinking versus feeling. Very cool.

Kelly 38:20
Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:22
Okay. This, at some point, turned into the role that now you've been in for nine days. How did you get from there to where we just described? Paying attention to what you wanted and how you were feeling about different things and beginning to break that down in a way to where you could identify what it was that you actually wanted. And then with some measure of confidence, go into the next role saying, "Hey, this is really truly what I actually want, not just a repeat of what I had prior."

Kelly 38:54
Right. Exactly. Yeah, in still, at this point, Scott, I just want to make note that I had no idea when I started, when I mentioned starting to reach out to people, this was like the last three months of my transition, I still had no idea what I wanted to do. So I just want to make that very clear. Because I think, you know, people tend to think that they need to have it all figured out in terms of the type of company and you know, everything. I had all these different puzzle pieces and I was having trouble connecting them. That was my biggest frustration at this point in the process. And so what I did was, I kind of took what I knew and you know, I looked back at my entire career, and really got a piece of paper and put you know, what I loved and I had to have, what I liked, and then what I couldn't tolerate, and I really broke this down for myself. And so one of the things that I didn't know was that I wanted to be part of a people centric and values driven organization. And I had worked at one, it was LinkedIn. LinkedIn was very much like that. I loved working within like the tech company scene for that reason. They are all very you know, progressive in that way. So that was one of the things. So I started to target companies that were similar to LinkedIn, in terms of the area that I was going after. I was still looking at a few business development roles. I think just for the heck of it, to be honest, I don't think I really would have taken one. But I started to go back and said, "Okay. Where can I go, like, work with people." I love to learn about people, like I could sit there and, you know, do research on people, I go on Wikipedia to look it. And I started to, like, have this people obsession and...

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:31
I love it.

Kelly 40:32
It sounds kind of weird.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:33
No, it's fantastic.

Kelly 40:36
Like, if I could just interview people all day, I think I would do that. But I started to just think about that. And I kind of went back to this whole like, recruiting element because of that reason and I thought my sales skills would be well versed in that as well. Because you know, recruitment, especially at an executive level is, you know, highly sales driven. I mean, you've got to sell that company and sell that person hard. So what I did, essentially was I reached out to a bunch of companies, one of them was, Indeed, I actually did this through LinkedIn. And I reached out to a few members of the talent attraction organization, which is their entire recruitment organization. And I said, "Hey, I would love to have an open conversation with you. I never looked at a specific role and I never really go about my searches like that. Anyway, I like to talk to people, I like to have open conversation. Hear about what's going on in the organization." And I actually got a reply within, I think 30 minutes from a girl over there. And she said, "Hey, you know, will you pass me your resume? I love your background, you know, what would you be looking for?" And I was honest, and said, "Listen, I really I don't know. But I would love to have a conversation with you guys." And so that kind of started the process from there. And to be honest, this position that I'm... oh, go ahead.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:41
No, I'm just gonna pause because that is a thing that I think a lot of people are afraid of, based on what you said earlier, like, I have to have it all figured out, I have to have all my ducks in a row, I have to have everything identified before I go out and begin looking. And the reality is, you're probably never gonna make a change, at least not a change that you want to if you pursue it that way. So what you said, I think is very, very key. And I just wanted to call that out separately where you went and did what a lot of people are afraid of. Anyway, so first of all, awesome, and way to have courage in that particularly sometimes scary situation for people. And you said, "Hey, I actually don't know what I'm looking for. But I'd love to have a conversation." So what happened from there, then?

Kelly 42:26
Yeah, and I will also say too, just on that note, I think it's, you know, important to know that this whole idea of having to have everything kind of figured out, I think, yeah, it's such a, is a farce. And that's like, where I was really struggling in the process. And I don't know how I overcome, I think I changed my entire thought process to this. And also one of the other things like in this process, as I was reaching out to people, and having these conversations is, I really worked on being vulnerable with them. And that might sound crazy, especially in the job process. But what I noticed is, you know, when I went into... I interviewed a lot here in St. Louis, I learned these interviews, and I was very open about my story. I mean, remember that I had a year and a half gap on my resume, right? I mean, that's scary, who's gonna hire someone with a year and a half gap, they haven't been working. And what I did was, I used that story to really craft a better story, to my advantage. And to show people this is much, much bigger than about a job, you know, I've done the work to come into an organization. So I think that's also key is, you know, if you have, if you do take this time and actually do that, like, don't be afraid to use that story to your advantage, and be vulnerable people. Because what I learned was when I went into these interviews, I felt like I came out. And as weird as this sounds, and I told Lisa this, that the people that I was interviewing with got more out of that process than I did, because I think when I shared my story, they kind of something went inside their head, and they said, "Man, I can totally relate to that. I know I'm, you know, 60 years old, and I never ever switched them, still in the same role. But man, I can totally agree." And I think when you get that level of kinship with somebody, I think that's what it's all about. And that in the process for me was so fulfilling. And I think that was probably like the turning point is just being vulnerable saying, "It's okay. You don't have to have it all figured out. Because who does?" And I think a lot of us and everybody else in the world has it figured out except for me, right? And that's what I constantly thought about in this process.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:18
Yeah, we all have a tendency to have those shields up and ever, just like you said, everybody else thinks that everybody else has it figured out. But in reality, it's so relatable when somebody finally says that they don't, and shares that in a way that other people can identify with. And ultimately, it sounds like for you, it absolutely brought those... created those closer relationships and what would have been through those interviews.

Kelly 44:42
Right. I actually went into these interviews with and this is gonna, this is the psychology part of me, almost to break down that social shield and I knew that once I got that person talking on the other end about their own story in that interview, you know, it wasn't just about me, and I think you can be very, I don't use the term narcissistic but very self focused in a job search, because it is all about you and finding that job. But when you make it about other people, and you, you know, that's really what it's all about. And I learned that about myself. So it was great. And even going into Indeed, you know, as I said, I told them I didn't know what I wanted, but I wanted to learn about talent attraction. And so I ended up going in and having a conversation with an initial person over there and kind of told them, and so basically, the roles that they had open were a bunch of different recruiter roles. And I said, okay, you know, and I stayed very open in the process, I try not to cut things off too soon. And I think some people have a propensity to do that, you know, it's not the exact role, but I think you have to remain open in the process. So I basically interviewed with four different teams of recruiters that handled recruitment within different departments. So sales recruiting, like program management recruiting, engineering recruiting, so I went through all these, it's called a batch interview. So I basically on a Skype, or a Skype call for like, two and a half hours, if you're familiar with batch interviewing. With all these different hiring managers and managers, and after that first process, I'll be honest, nothing was really, you know, like, clicking with me, it just like, it just wasn't there. And I got feedback from them saying, "Oh, you know, So and so would love to have you on their team, this and that." And so I basically was, you know, honestly I said, "What else do you guys have? You guys have to have something else over there." And so the recruiter I was working with said, "Well, we have you know, this and this and this." And then they said, "Well, we have this sexual like this leadership recruitment role open, it's a newly created role, like, would you be interested in something?" I said, "Yes. I did."

Scott Anthony Barlow 46:45
Yes, please.

Kelly 46:46
Yeah, there's something about that. And I've been working with executives at LinkedIn, I like working in a very high level, you know, with higher level within the company, a little bit more sophisticated roles, very impactful roles, I think the impact of these executives coming into an organization is like, you know, key for me not to say that people just, you know, who are not executive arm. But so anyway, the whole point, by this time, I had spoken with like eight different, it had eight different interviews with them. It was a long, grueling process. But I ended up speaking with the manager of leadership, recruitment, who's now my boss, had a call, we completely hit it off. And she literally had this role open for months, and was so swamped because she was in charge of other responsibilities that she literally did not have time to recruit for this role. So basically, you know, me coming out there and saying that I was interested in this but basically, you know, she told me it was kind of like a gift on her lap, the fact that I reached out to her about this role, which is kind of funny.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:42
Which is, I mean, that's everything that we have a tendency to teach, like putting yourself in that type of situation, where it is the right time and place. And essentially, what you did is you ended up walking through the back door, because nobody else is competing for that. They literally did not... she did not have time to be able to interview for and I think that it's worthwhile to point out here too, that had you not done some of the work on yourself to be able to understand what it was that you specifically wanted, or at least had a good idea of what you didn't want versus what you didn't want, then you wouldn't have been able to say no to some of those other roles. That's the first thing. And honestly, behind the scenes, when we work with people, that's one of the measures of success that we use behind the scenes like our people... do they have the ability to say no to stuff because they know enough about what they want. And that then led to the weird thing. The other psychological factor out of that is when you do that, and when you do that in a way that is enduring and building the relationship. Oddly enough, it makes organizations and people in organizations want you more a lot of the time and number of different ways. And I think that your story is absolutely evidence of that. But more importantly, it led you to a role where you could then say yes, I am actually very interested in that. Let's hear more about that. So that's super cool. Meant to be a very large compliment, and illustrate that what you did is a particularly effective way to go about it too. Awesome job, by the way.

Kelly 49:21
Thank you. Yeah, it feels good. And I'm so blessed that things worked out. And I think it's a lesson for me in terms of keeping an you know, an open mind and, you know, not cutting things off because I was kind of down, I want to say down in the process, but you know, after that, you know, initial interview and when I said, oh, you know, a lot of people I think would have shut the door and I normally probably would have too, but you know, decided to ask that bigger question like, what else do you guys have? Because I knew that I loved the organization and that's kind of where, you know, it all started, like starting off point was.

Scott Anthony Barlow 49:51
That is so cool. That is absolutely amazing. So you've gone through all of this and it's been not a short journey. And I think there's so much out there about careers in a variety of different ways. It's like, you know, get your perfect dream job in 37 days, or something else along those lines, right. And for a lot of people, especially when they're focused on doing work that really fits with the life that they want to create, it doesn't happen in that way. And it doesn't... it's more of a roller coaster and more of a couple steps forward, and a couple steps back and all kinds of things in between. So after going through all of that, I am super curious, what advice would you offer to other people that are thinking about making this change? Or maybe their way back on the side where they've had that paycheck moment and realize, this can't be all their areas. What advice would you give to the people in those situations?

Kelly 50:48
Right? I mean, I think again, it's like, so I want to, like, tell everybody, like, go take a year off. And like, really just, I don't know that everybody has the luxury and the capacity to do that. But no matter, you know, what it is, I think, you know, as cliche as it sounds, you know, if you have a moment like that, recognize that and I think it's sometimes takes longer for other people to actually take action after having that, you know, realization moment. But you know, recognize that and do something like, take as Tony Robbins always says, like, take massive action and really do something and take time again, I think going back to that feeling to really feel whether you're trying to decipher what it is, you know, in your career next, and be bold, be brave, I think a lot of fear and uncertainty comes in, during these times and it's so hard to overcome. And I think one thing that I, you know, I could probably have an entire conversation about that we didn't go into today was, you know, I think a lot of people having a job and you know, figuring out your life it's very serious business, right? It affects you day to day. But one of the things that really helped me get to that point was, I completely reframed and restructured the way that I thought about life, I think about it now as one big game, everything was life and death to me, especially during that year at LinkedIn, like, everything was just so pressured. Like, I put so much pressure on myself, I can't even tell you, and I'm sure a lot of these listeners can relate is, you know, make life a game like few things are really life and death. Have fun with it, you know, you go in, you have a crappy interview, laugh about it and say, "okay, like, you know, what could I've done" and just stay in learning as opposed to evaluating, if that makes sense, and continue to just learn and everything that happens to you, it's all a matter of how you look at it, and just keep moving forward in that way. So I think, you know, not being afraid to take action, if you don't know what that next action is, like, really take time and do something. And guess what, if that doesn't work, fine, do something else and do something else. But soon enough, you're going to get to that point, to getting closer to what you want to do. And I think the only thing that, you know, can ensure that nothing changes in your life is to do nothing. So even I think I was so paralyzed because I thought I was gonna continuously make the wrong move. And that's what held me back for so long. But make some type of move, even if it's the wrong one, guess what, you're going to learn from it and be that much closer to your goal. So I think that's my biggest piece of advice and don't take everything so seriously. Have fun with it, people love to have fun, and I even learned, you know, this doesn't have to be a daunting task to figure out your life in the next stage in your career, like, it can be a lot of fun, you know, going into interviews, I'm laughing with people and this and that. And I think it's what you bring to it, you know, if you bring a certain standard and level of enjoyment to this process, other people will really, you know, hop on and get on board with that as well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 53:35
Well, I really appreciate that. And I know that we'll hit with a number of people out there. And thank you so much for taking the time this morning, nine days into your new role and we're... this will actually air at a different time, but we're on the... approaching the holiday break here, when we're actually recording this to you a little bit behind the scenes info. But I really appreciate you taking the time and making the time and sharing this with so many people out there. This is amazing and nicely done.

Kelly 54:04
Oh, thank you, Scott, thank you for having me on. And I'm happy to share my experiences. And I don't know if you provide contact information. But if anybody you know wants to talk to me personally about anything else, I'd be more than happy to help them in any way I can. Be very passionate about personal transformation and living a compelling life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 54:21
Do you enjoy helping other people? Or maybe people keep coming to you for advice? Or do you find yourself ending up in conversations about people's career over and over again? If you just find that you can't stop helping other people in these areas that you're enjoying and want to do more of it, plus, maybe you want to add in more freedom or flexibility or travel or other ways to help others and you really want to take control of your own life and help other people do work that they love doing by making a huge impact. Well, then guess what? If even just one of these is true, it's probably a safe bet that you would enjoy coaching full time tremendously to receive more in depth help and get our 14 day series on How To Become A Career Coach and learn whether or not career coaching is viable for you and the right thing for you, and learn from other career coaches that have built businesses full time, part time, as a side business and everything in between. Then you head on over to howtobeacareercoach.com and sign up for that series. Take a listen to what we've got in store for you next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.

55:37
Anytime you find yourself saying well, only if then, or only when this happens, then I can do X, Y, Z that I always stop and question it. It may end up to be true somehow but most of the time there are ways around it or there are ways to start a smaller version of that from right where you are.

Scott Anthony Barlow 55:58
Oh, I'm so excited. I can't wait until you tune in. I'll see you right back here on Happen To Your Career. Until then, I am out. Adios.

Scott Anthony Barlow 56:13
It helps so many people we need it. Blah.... I'm sorry for the editing in advance. Just giving you bloopers, I guess sort of.

Scott Anthony Barlow 56:24
And it means we get to have help either more. Yeah. Starting over.

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Switching Industries Without Compromising Your Career’s Trajectory

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU THOUGHT TO YOURSELF WHILE SITTING AT YOUR DESK, “IS THIS REALLY IT?”

Maybe you really enjoyed your job when you started…four years ago. But now, you stroll into work each morning disengaged and hopeless. You wonder if there’s anything else out there that will make you feel as excited as you were in the beginning.

If you’re nodding your head in agreement to the scenario above–trust me, you’re not alone. In my observation (from HR days) about 50% of people go through this exact cycle during their first, or second or even third jobs.

Because, when we’re in college and told to choose a major, we go with what we’re good at. If we like math, we choose to major in statistics or engineering. If our parents were doctors, we might go on the pre-med track. There isn’t much self-reflection or foresight that goes into selecting the path that launches our career. Especially not our dream career.

Which is why most of the time, we end up on this career cycle: excited-learning stops-feels stuck.

We end up in careers that either: (a) aren’t a good fit, or (b) don’t have a continuous learning loop.

And, then–most importantly–we don’t know how to fix it when we hit the “feeling stuck” phase. We scroll through job descriptions online, and mope to friends about how bored/unhappy/sad we are about our careers.

LAURA’S STORY: FROM FOUR PROMOTIONS TO FAKE SMILES

Laura, one of our rockstar Career Change Bootcamp Graduates and HTYC Podcast guest this week, experienced a similar career trajectory before she landed her dream career just a few weeks ago.

Growing up, Laura always knew that she was good at math. Coming from a family of engineers, she decided to follow a similar path. After college graduation, she was unsure about what she wanted her career path to be–like many early 20-somethings. So, she became an engineering consultant.

But, Laura always knew something wasn’t quite right.

A few years after she started her career, Laura went back to school again and got her Masters Degree with the sole intention of finding a career that fit her values. And, she did. She landed an awesome job as an environmental sustainability consultant at an innovative company.

For a while, it seems like she had it made.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF PRETENDING TO BE PASSIONATE AT WORK?

For me if I’m not learning I’m not engaged. I work with a lot of people who are passionate and I almost found myself having to pretend to be passionate when I wasn’t really feeling it, which was hard on me.

Fast forward eight and a half years later, and Laura found herself pasting on a fake smile each day, forcing herself to act excited about her work. She didn’t want to let down her direct reports (now 10 of them!), but her constant need to “fake happiness” was taking a toll on the rest of her life.

It took Laura three years (three whole years!) to finally come to terms with the fact that she needed to leave her job.

And, do you know why Laura sacrificed her happiness each day staying in a job she knew she didn’t like?

Because, she felt stuck.

Even though Laura had a stellar resume and an extremely strong work ethic, she felt like she wasn’t smart or experienced enough to find a new role.  On the podcast, Laura talks about the toll that “pretending to be passionate” at work had on her confidence levels.

When you are in a spot where you are unhappy and have been for awhile you lose some of your confidence of everything you’ve accomplished. From the outside someone looking at my resume would be impressed but I hated it. I wasn’t proud of anything I’d been doing because I wasn’t happy doing it.

Because, Laura’s mind kept convincing her that she wasn’t good enough; that she was going to stay in this job forever. Not only does it drain your energy to “pretend to be passionate” at work, but it actually tricks the mind into thinking that you’re not good enough for another role.

It made Laura ask that ill-fated question: “Is this really all that I have to look forward to in a career?”

GETTING YOUR CAREER CONFIDENCE STARTS WITH A LOT OF SELF-REFLECTION

When Laura first found us at Happen to Your Career, she had already taken action to start looking outside of herself for a new job by going to a career coach. Coincidentally, on her walk home from that session she found our podcast, and “binge-listened for about a week!”

At that time, Laura realized that she didn’t need to go through this process alone.

The thing that stuck was it was the first time I heard there were tools and processes to help me figure this out. I didn’t have to just look at job postings but I could do other types of work to think about what I wanted to do next.

That was in May of 2017. Seven months later, and she found her dream career!

Woah–not so fast though. Laura went through a lot of self-reflection, and dug deep to understand what that next step should be. During this process, Laura also began to get feedback, and collect “mini-wins” from her coaches, her friends, and many others to help rebuilt her identity.

At the beginning of her coaching sessions, Laura wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do in her next role. But, as she began to complete her self-assessment projects, she couldn’t contain her excitement. Laura couldn’t stop talking about how much fun she had completing these self-assessments (her husband might have gotten a crash course or two!).  She kept this idea in the back of her mind, but still had a lot of searching to do.

Interestingly, Laura already knew what kind of culture she wanted in a company. She loved having the flexibility of wearing jeans and working from home when she wanted to. Even more importantly, she knew that the office should have a ping-pong table in it–for what it represented about the office culture.

But, from her experience in her last job Laura knew that a cultural-fit wasn’t enough. She had to find the right role, not just the right people.

That’s where she kept getting stuck. She felt naive about all the types of jobs that were out there.

FINDING THE RIGHT NEXT STEP IS NOT A CHECK-THE-BOX EXERCISE

One of the first things Laura did to understand all the job opportunities she could have was to hold informational interviews.

She scheduled dozens of interviews with people in and out of her network–which was a growing experience in itself. Laura admits that this was one of the most challenging, but rewarding, parts of her coaching experience. She’s not necessarily a self-proclaimed extrovert. But hey, why not?

Laura met with tons of people who helped her understand what she did, and didn’t want in a role. Some of those conversations could have opened the door to a job. But, while it was tempting, Laura said no when she didn’t feel it was exactly right.

Until finally one day–she found it.

TO SECURE THAT DREAM JOB, YOU HAVE TO BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU

Laura learned quickly that she loves to prepare. For her informal interviews alone, she would do research and write prep questions for almost two hours each time!

But, when she finally found the perfect job opportunity, she realized that she just had to be herself.

With the help of her career coach, Lisa Lewis, Laura practiced some mock interviews and found that her answers sounded good on paper, but “boring” during the actual interview. So, she stopped preparing as intensely as she might have, and got herself in the zone.

It’s less important that you know how to answer a million behavior questions but get yourself in a headspace to be yourself and be confident in those conversations.

Laura ended up securing her dream job. But, not only that–she has completely transformed her mindset from disengaged and hopeless to optimistic and confident. Laura is thriving in her career, as a new mom, and constantly achieving new goals (heck yes, Yosemite!).

Most importantly, Laura’s realized that she didn’t have to go through this process alone. Here’s her last piece of advice for anyone else who might be in her shoes from a few months ago:

Particularly as someone who has been successful it was hard for me to say I could not do this by myself. I’m a smart person I should be able to figure this out. As soon as I had my first career coaching experience it completely turned around my approach to find a new job. It completely gave me the power back and the tools I needed. If you know exactly what you want to do, you probably aren’t listening to this podcast, but if you don’t know there are a lot of tools, and resources, and people out there that can help you. For me that made all the difference.

Laura Morrison 00:03
It took me a few months to look for outside help. And that was the thing that I needed. I think, particularly as someone who has been successful, it's hard to admit to myself, it was hard for me to say I couldn't do it by myself. You know, I'm smart person, I should be able to figure this out. But it completely turned around my approach to finding a new job.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:48
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. Now we can bring out all kinds of experts like Kathy Fettke, who helps people create space for themselves and make passive income, or people that have pretty amazing stories like Jenny, who went through our CCB program, and let go of other people's expectations to reframe her career search for a job she wanted. These are people that are just like you, only they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And today, we get to talk to Laura Morrison, another person who was an alumni of our Career Change Bootcamp program, and take a listen to what she does right now.

Laura Morrison 01:37
Yeah, so I'm really excited on Monday, actually. I'm starting a new role in Product Management at a company called the Predictive Index. And they do behavioral assessments with the goal of hiring the right people, and in their words, inspiring them to greatness. And what I'm really excited about that is, you know, someone like myself, who wasn't engaged as an employee, means I understand that pain. And so what I'm going to be doing now is actually helping people and companies inspire their employees through different tools and understanding more about the people. And that's really exciting for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:15
As you listen to this conversation with Laura, you're gonna find that we get pretty deep into how you can find your strengths, how you can learn about new career opportunities, and even options for your career, and even build relationships so that you can land, not just a job, not just even your dream job, but really a job that truly fits at a company that you're excited about. And I think you're gonna love that. Also, see how you getting outside help can often lead to your aha moments or your big breakthroughs and what that actually takes. And then you can learn that, as it turns out, you're not alone in your career change process, and how you can take some next steps there. All of these fundamentals that you can learn about yourself, and what you want in your life can not only help you land that next job and the role that actually fits, but also help you make pretty large changes for yourself, your family, and every everyone in your life in the future. It's pretty cool. So take a listen for all that plus more. You're also going to hear about a different way that you probably have heard of to approach the interview process that is much more genuine, than all of those, all the things that you think you're supposed to do in an interview, you'll see what I mean, as you listen.

Laura Morrison 03:33
I think this is a struggle for a lot of people. But you know, in high school, you have to figure out what you're going to major in, in college. And you don't really understand what any of that means. And so, for me, I was good at math, and I had some engineers in the family. So I went into engineering. And I did fine, but it always felt a little off to me and I couldn't quite figure out why. And I couldn't figure out what else I should be doing. So I stuck with it. And so I had, you know, college degree, master's degree, a few years in the work world in engineering consulting. And the whole time never really felt like it was a good fit for me. And so, you know, my first career pivot was actually into sustainability consulting. After a few years working, I went back to grad school with the goal of pivoting, and I landed myself at a really great company that I was at for eight and a half years. And I was excited about it, because sustainability is forward looking. So it was a startup feel company, which I was looking for. And I had a lot of freedom to grow really quickly. And so for a while, that felt like a good fit, and it felt like something I could be passionate about. And then over time, it just wasn't anymore. But again, I was in the same position that I had had kind of in college and beyond where I didn't know what else to do. And so I just kind of stuck with it kind of only half thinking about what else I could be doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:06
So I'm super curious about, first of all, what do you feel like changed? Because I mean, you were excited about at one point.

Laura Morrison 05:15
Yeah. I think in the beginning, a new challenge is always exciting. And then I think, in that eight and a half years, I have four different roles. And the new challenges and the new role were exciting. But the length of excitement I had from just learning something new kept getting shorter and shorter. So I think that's one thing that changed. And then by the end, I didn't actually feel like I was learning that much anymore. And for me, that if I'm not learning, I'm not engaged. And I work with a lot of people who are really passionate, and I almost found myself having to pretend to be passionate, when I wasn't really feeling it. So that was pretty hard on me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:00
That's interesting. What was that, like? Clearly, it was difficult, but feeling like you had to pretend to be passionate.

Laura Morrison 06:12
Yeah, it was tough. You know, by the end of this past role, I had 10 people reporting to me, a lot of them were early in their career. And I wanted to do a good job of inspiring them. But because I wasn't inspired myself, it made me feel like I was being inauthentic to kind of hide the part of myself that wasn't engaged, that wasn't super passionate about our work anymore. And so it just, it basically zapped all my energy, where I would kind of put on this kind of extroverted, fake smile at work every day, and then come home and be unhappy.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:54
Do you remember when you started to realize that?

Laura Morrison 06:58
Oh, I hate to admit this, but it was probably three years ago. And, you know, at the time, our company was going through some management changes. And, you know, there are other life things going on, you know, I was trying to start a family. And all that combined was just exhausting. And so I think I knew that it wasn't a good fit. And I've known that for a long time. But again, without knowing what to do next, or even how to think about what to do next, I just felt really stuck.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:30
That is... I think that is one of the biggest problems that many people have, especially high achieving people that had gotten into a role similar to you where they were excited about at one point, and they have lots of responsibilities. And you know, something's changed along the way. But you don't necessarily know what to do next. What were some of the things that you considered or tried? Because you've been thinking about this for years. About making a change and doing something, but it sounds like kept coming back to that point, where not entirely sure what to do next. So what were some of the things that you considered or thought about or tried along the way?

Laura Morrison 08:18
Yeah, you know, it's, a lot of it was staying within the sustainability field. It took me probably a couple years of passive looking and talking to people to figure out that there weren't roles in that field that I was interested in. So I looked at, you know, what does it mean to do my role, but not as a consultant, but embedded within a product organization, for instance. And I talked to, you know, I would go to sustainability, networking events and talk to people in those roles, and I just wasn't getting the excitement. I think it excited me for a little bit. And then a lot of the reason that didn't work is a lot of those kind of product manufacturing companies aren't based in Boston, and I wanted to be in Boston, so it kind of took a lot opportunity off the table. And I guess the other thing I tried to do is look internally. So at my own company, we do sell, or my old company, I guess, we do sell software. And I talked to a bunch of people for a couple years about product management in the software that we sell. So that's basically the role I'm taking in a new company, but I was talking about doing it at my old company. And, you know, the team, the software team was in Germany, so and it was also having a lot of trouble. So it just never really worked out. You know, I talked about doing more marketing at my old company, and again, the marketing team was having some struggles. So it wasn't, it really wasn't gonna work out. I think maybe if I had stayed another year, I could have pivoted in my existing organization into one of those roles. But, you know, at that point I was ready to actually just kind of make the jump and leave the company.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:07
What made you feel ready to be able to make the jump? And what actually took place? Was it just the combination of all those conversations and realizing, "hey, it's not gonna happen here."? Or was it something else? What made you feel like, "hey, at that point, I was just ready to leave."

Laura Morrison 10:26
You know, I think what... I think I knew I was ready to leave for a long time. But what actually made me take the steps to leave is a little bit different. And so, you know, I was on maternity leave for seven, eight months or so. And I met a lot of working moms as part of that, and had a lot of career conversations with them. And one of them recommended to me a career coach who was based in Boston, who's an older woman who'd been working at Radcliffe for, you know, years and years, and had her own private practice. And I actually finally decided to kind of invest in career coaching. And so I had one session with this woman, and I had like a mile and a half walk home. And the thing that really stuck with me is that it was the first time I'd ever heard that there were tools and processes to help me figure this out, that I didn't have to just think about it and look at job postings, but that I could do other types of work to think about what I wanted to do next. And she said something to me about, I can't recommend a book for you, it's very personal. But find a book you want to read about career change. And that's your first bit of homework. And my reaction was, I don't like reading, really. But I love podcasts. And I had this mile and a half walk home where I was really excited. And I found your podcast. And so I listened to it on my way home. And then I kind of binge listened to it for a week, which I think the point where we talked for the first time, and all of a sudden I heard all these stories and tools about things that I could do that didn't... it was okay that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I could still take steps to figure out what I could do next.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:07
That is interesting. You know, I didn't actually realize that's how it happened. That is fantastic. And now, not that long later, you're on the podcast. And...

Laura Morrison 12:18
Yeah, one of my personal goals.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:21
Yeah, check. Before we hit record you were talking about, you built this list of national parks that you wanted to go see, and you just basically went to Yosemite. So now you've got several things checked off the list. Way to go.

Laura Morrison 12:36
It's awesome. Thank you. Feels good.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:39
Absolutely. So I have so many questions, because I think that there's so much for other people to learn too, that are in that same space or have been in that same space where they aren't sure what to do and want to know what to do next. And you were kind enough to bring us along for the ride and allow us to sit co-pilot on this journey. And it's been a bit of whirlwind. How long did it take from when you found the podcast to accepting a job offer?

Laura Morrison 13:11
Oh, boy. Okay. I think it was probably April or May that we first talked and I accepted a job offer about a month ago. So whatever that math is...

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:25
I was trying to do the calendar math, too. Is it about...

Laura Morrison 13:30
Six to nine months probably, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:32
Yeah. Right in seven-ish months someplace. And what... you started listening to the podcast, had this realization that hey, there are things that I can do. And then you talked to us, and you ended up joining career change boot camp, and we started getting the opportunity to be able to help you along the way. That was just the beginning. I am curious in going through this process, what were some of the apprehensions that you had, as you said about growing and figuring out, "Hey, here's what I might want to do. And then ultimately, moving through each step."

Laura Morrison 14:23
Yeah, I think, I mean, the biggest apprehension, I think, is that what you don't realize is when you're in a spot, where you're unhappy, and you've been unhappy for a while, you lose some of your confidence about everything that you've accomplished. So, you know, from the outside, someone looking at my resume would be impressed. But I was looking at it, and I hated it. Right? I wasn't proud of anything that I had been doing, because I wasn't happy doing it. And that didn't mean I didn't understand that it, there were some impressive things on there. It just didn't feel like me. And it didn't feel impressive to me, because I didn't enjoy the process of doing it. And so I think a lot of that lack of confidence is like tied into kind of the anxiety of trying to figure it out. Right? What if there is nothing for me? What if I'm always unhappy at a job? And I think there is this whole mentality out there that that's normal to kind of be unhappy in your job. And I was trying to get to the point where I was maybe resigned to that being the case. I also think, you know, in the process, I had my daughter and I took a lot of time off. And that will, you know, maybe I want to be a stay at home mom. And I quickly realized that, kudos to everyone who does, but it's not for me, I need a lot more adult conversation, a lot more intellectual stimulation from my work. And so that was like another kind of thing I explored, I guess, job I explored, that wasn't the right fit. But there's a lot of emotion tied into all of that, right? It's not just, unfortunately, it's not just the check the box exercise...

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:10
It would be so much easier for well, as it works out.

Laura Morrison 16:12
It's so much easier. Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:15
We probably wouldn't have this podcast if it was as simple as that.

Laura Morrison 16:18
That's right. So that was a big apprehension for me. Going through the course, you know, the first few weeks are a lot about self reflection. And I love that. And actually, part of the funny story about my new job is that as I was doing strengthsfinder, in Career Change Bootcamp, I was kind of talking my husband's ear off about how I loved behavioral assessments and how I wish I could talk about them all day. And, man, I wish that was a job. And then you know, a few months later, I found basically that job, which is pretty awesome. But then, you know, you get into the part where you really have to be vulnerable. And you have to kind of go and talk to people and try to meet new people. And there was definitely a lot of apprehension around that as well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:04
So it's, first of all, I love and I've heard variations of that story so many times, and it just makes me so happy that we get to be a part of any of those stories where in this case, you, at one point, were talking your husband's ear off about, "Hey, I just love this self assessment type thing. And it would be super cool if I could do something like this and be able to be immersed in this world all day." And then now you're going to be and absolutely love that. And I'm so proud of you for going from that end to the completely opposite end. Because that's not an easy thing to do as we're going to talk about. That said, what was most difficult as you started flipping from the internal and reflection side, which is often the way that we'll work with our students and clients, we will go through those internal side and really get the best hypothesis of what's going to be great for you. But then at some point you have to flip into, okay, how does this match up with the rest of the world? As you were going through that section, what was hardest for you?

Laura Morrison 18:25
You know, I think I had this idea of the company culture I wanted, right? I'm a casual person. I like wearing jeans to work. I like flexible hours and you know, wanted a ping pong table in my office, which is just kind of a funny indication of the type of culture I was looking for, right. And... but I didn't know what work I wanted to do, right? So it's great to have a good company culture and I had that before, but it's not enough because I wanted to work that was actually exciting to me as well. So that was the hardest part is to think about the work, but also as you and Lisa would keep pointing out as, figure out the work later, like you just have to start somewhere, start talking to people, start learning about what other people do. And I think for me a huge mental barrier, as well is that I felt really naive about what type of jobs are out there. And I felt insecure about how little I knew about what other job opportunities were out there. And so the process of having to talk to people about what they do and what it actually means, as well as continuing to listen to the podcasts where people were sharing stories about the work they do. That step in itself just really helped me understand what opportunities there were, even though some of them I dismissed pretty quickly. Yeah. Does that answer your question?

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:50
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's a common thing. And I've heard that quite a bit of feeling naive about what types of jobs are out there. And I think that, I don't think anybody knows all the types of jobs that are out there. We've got exposure to a whole bunch of them just because of the nature of the type of work that we do. But...

Laura Morrison 20:15
I've got to say, Scott, maybe you know all the jobs that are out there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:18
Not all the jobs but...

Laura Morrison 20:19
Yeah, exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:22
No, it would be... that even might be easier if we did to help people in that way. But if only there was a list, that's another thing. If only there was a list, I could just go through and pick and it isn't that easy, because even if we knew all the types of jobs, there's still other elements and other variables that come into play. And it becomes this somewhat complex problem of picking out the variables that are most useful and relatable and relevant to you and how you work. And I'm curious, what was it about this process of going and talking to people because from getting to know you just a little bit through the program and having chatted a couple of times, and having had the pleasure of helping you negotiate. It seems like you benefit a lot from conversation.

Laura Morrison 21:16
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I think, you know, one of the, I'll go back to that kind of first session I had with this woman who's local to Boston, this career coach, and her approach was a bit different than yours. And I didn't love it, because she wanted me to read a book about each career option, which as I mentioned, not the best way for me to learn, it also is a big time commitment. And she wanted me to do that before I talked to anyone, because I, you know, when you talk to people, you're taking up some of their time, and you want to be knowledgeable about what you're asking. So that didn't feel great for me, of course, I could have done it. But I wasn't excited about it. But I know that I learn best by talking to people. And the opportunity to talk to all these people in different roles, added a ton of value to me, I think, one I got to see a little bit about company culture, depending on if people were willing to talk to me or not, which is kind of a funny thing. And I also will, now always talk to someone who's looking and wants to talk to me, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:25
It changes that perspective, doesn't it?

Laura Morrison 22:26
It does. Yeah, and I was actually hiring someone as I was looking to be hired right in my current role. And so it put a different lens on it. But, you know, I think I was really nervous about talking to people about making sure that I had something intelligent to say or had good questions to ask. So I did a lot of preparation, which is kind of my style to over prepare, when I'm anxious about something. So...

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:53
What type of preparation would you do or you're gonna...

Laura Morrison 22:55
Yeah, well, I'd looked at their LinkedIn profile. And I would come up with a list of questions that I wanted to talk to them about. And for people who don't know, I mean, the idea is like a 15 minute phone call, which is really not a lot of questions. But I would have probably 10 for every person I talked to, and I would try to make them personal. And I would try to make sure I knew where they went to school, what common interests we had, anything like that, that could help me relate to them. Because while I really like working with people, I have trouble with that kind of first introduction part. I get really nervous, like walking into a room and introducing myself to someone new. But if someone introduced me to that person, I'm very comfortable. So there's this kind of hurdle that I needed to get over to be able to have all those conversations where I could ask these questions. And I literally would ask questions, and sometimes they would ask about me or ask how they could help me. But most of the time, they just told me about what they did, day to day, and I think I talked to probably 20 to 25 people. And that's a lot. That's a lot of kind of time and hours to learn about what other people do. And it made me feel less naive, right, about what all the opportunities are, it made me feel much more empowered to make a decision about different types of roles that could be a good fit for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:20
What were some of the things that you learned through that portion of the process?

Laura Morrison 24:25
Yeah, I think I learned that, for me, that my network and using people I actually knew to get connected was really helpful, that the cold calling part was hard for me. And I would, so what I would do during these conversations is I would take notes, and then I would go back and read through them and highlight, kind of, the pieces that resonated with me. And one of the questions that I really liked asking was kind of, what makes you great at your job. And then when I would hear people say, things that I'm interested in, you know, can relate to people, kind of ability to make decisions quickly, without all the information. Yeah, just kind of a list of things that resonated with me, or that I was excited about and kind of highlight those. And then I would see that, you know, the product management role actually could be a really good fit for me, because all of these people are saying things that I'm good at. And that I enjoy doing, which is also, I think, something I learned through the process. Maybe not through those phone calls, specifically, but through the whole Career Change Bootcamp, is that there's a big difference between things you're good at and things you enjoy. Sometimes they're the same, but they're not always the same.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:46
Yes, very much. And we're absolutely encouraging people that center in and lean into those that happened to fall into both categories. And it sounds like... it was interesting for me, going back because you were working primarily with one of our coaches, Lisa Lewis, I would get tidbits, she would either send me an email, or you would cc me on something and get tidbits into what was going on in the different steps along the way. And I would say that it wasn't necessarily always an easy road for you.

Laura Morrison 26:31
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:32
I'm curious what you felt like were some of the most challenging parts. And I know, we chatted just a little bit before we hit the record button here. But I'm particularly curious about what you'd mentioned to me about going into a role. And getting out of that, because I think that that is real, that's human. And to some degree, we all do that sort of thing. So tell us about that and then what worked for you.

Laura Morrison 27:02
Yeah, you know, I think having a program that I was following was really important to me, because I needed the homework. And I needed to check the boxes as I went through the weeks. And where I spent the most time was in this test drive method, right, is having these phone calls. And so what would happen is I'd spend, you know, two to four hours, and I'd research all these people. And I'd get introduced, and I set up phone calls. And then all of a sudden, I'd have, you know, four phone calls in one week that I was trying to juggle with you know, naptime on Fridays, and work time Monday through Thursday. And I'd have like, get it all in and get... have the conversations that take the notes up great. I send follow up emails and follow up thank you notes. And then after doing four or five of those in a few weeks, between the scheduling and the talking and the follow up, I was just tired, right? And so like, okay, I did that. I know, I'm supposed to have three more phone calls this week. But I didn't have any lined up. I didn't even know who the next people that were going to be talking to were. And so I would often then kind of have a week or two where in the back of my head, I would know I would need to do that again. But maybe I would take a break and go on vacation. I'd say that I was too busy. Or sometimes I would do some of the other homework that I felt more comfortable in. Some of the internal stuff like going back to my signature strengths or even skipping ahead to look and think about my resume. And I think you know what got me to keep going back, I think one like I said is having this course where I knew I had other things I needed to do. Knowing that I was accountable to Lisa, my coach, but I think for the first time really being accountable to myself to get this done and a lot of it was just like, alright, I don't want to do this right now. But I'm going to suck it up. And I'm going to sit down. And I'm going to spend four hours on a Saturday working on this and moving forward. And then you get another flurry of phone calls and follow ups and scheduling. Right? And then it kind of happened in many cycles like that, I would say.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:20
AAnd it kind of sounds like almost the flurry of phone calls and scheduling and everything that came along with it was almost the dose of motivation to keep going or to pull you back in to some degree. Am I reading that right? Or how did you feel about those? Because it sounds like you're...

Laura Morrison 29:40
Yeah, it's a little bit of both. I think a lot of it is, those conversations were really energizing for me. But I would still leave them being like, well, I still don't know where I'm going to work next. So I'm happy that I'm talking to all these people. I'm learning all these things, but I didn't see the end goal. And so I think I tend to be... push myself to be more extroverted than I am. And so I think there was an element of those conversations that was draining for me as well. So it's a little bit of both, but knowing that the conversations are good, made it easy to be like, okay, I took a week off, let's get some more on the calendar.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22
Very cool. And with those conversations, and initially, as you went into those conversations, you'd said, hey, I still don't know where this is going to end up leading. And clearly that was uncomfortable for you. And there is some of that discomfort type reality that when you're going through and trying to identify what is a great situation for you, and what is a great career opportunity for you, that there... sometimes it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, no matter whether you have a system and whether, you know, we've had many other people go through it before. It's still when you're in the thick of it can be challenging. So what point did you start to see that light come back?

Laura Morrison 31:11
Yeah, it's interesting, because I, you know, there were a couple people I spoke with, and their companies were interesting, and they have job openings, and they were offering to help me get my resume in the door. And I kind of said no, right, I said, you know, I'm not sure this is the wrong fit. But I'm not sure it's the right fit yet. And I don't want to apply to something I'm not super excited about. So like, I need some time, I need to figure that out. And that was hard to do as well, because I wasn't particularly happy. The idea of an end was tempting, right? An end, that could be really cool and I'm sure it would be a great opportunity, but maybe didn't hit the lifestyle choices I wanted or the day to day work that I wanted. But so I think what changed is that when I started talking to people at PI, I was not just excited about the company, or the people, but all of a sudden, the role sounded exciting, too. And I talked to a lot of people there. And they were, like everyone I talked to, was so willing to give me their time. And they're, kind of, openly tell me about what the day to day was. And I just, it was such a great group of people. I mean, I got introduced through a friend of a friend and the kind of head of marketing they're, like, easily handed me three more names of people I could talk to on the team. And that in itself was kind of an indication to me of how generous kind of the culture is. Because when you're busy, and of course, startups and everyone is busy, right, especially at a startup culture, and when they're willing to not just give you their time, but also time with their team members and other colleagues. I think that says a lot about the company. So all of those things combined, started getting me excited about a job at PI specifically, which was kind of the light at the end of the tunnel but then also of course a little stressful because if that's... after all this and I've talked to all these people, if that's the job and the company I'm excited about and I'm putting kind of some eggs in that basket that puts a lot of pressure on myself to hope that it works out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:32
Yeah, and I remember that switch flipping there, where you sent me the email and Lisa too and said, "Okay, I found this company that I want. And now what?"

Laura Morrison 33:44
How do I get it? Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:47
And what did you end up doing? Fill in that's part of the story for people because essentially at this point, as I understand it, this was your number one company at the time, where it's like hey, I like this, I want this. Let's make this happen. So what happened at that point?

Laura Morrison 34:08
Well, I think, you know, a lot of the conversation that I had with you and with Lisa was really helpful to say a couple things, you know, I think you were really helping me understand the right way to approach the conversation, how to continue to build a partnership to really actually make sure that I wasn't... like that I was actually excited about the role while building this partnership and relationships with the hiring manager there. And I think what Lisa did as well was, you know, I mentioned before that, because I wasn't super happy with the work I was doing before, it made it hard for me to feel confident in myself. And so she really helped me kind of remind me that I had a lot to bring to the table, and that I would be a good fit, not just for me, but also for the company that I could do a lot for them. And because I'm so passionate about it, that's, you know, one of the reasons that I'd be a good fit there. I mean, the PI whole thing is about engaging employees, right. And when people are engaged, they bring a lot more to the table. And so being able to be myself and show how authentically interested I was was kind of the primary thing that I focused on through the hiring process.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:30
How do you recommend, having just been through this, I think what you just described is very difficult in terms of being able to be yourself or at least be confident enough to be yourself through that hiring process and share that part because it is some level of vulnerability. Right. But, what advice would you have to other people that are getting ready to go through that or are going through that?

Laura Morrison 35:59
Yeah, you know, I think if you found a role that really does line up with what you're looking for, and something you're excited about, and the strengths you bring to the table, then it's much less important that you know how to answer a million behavioral questions. And much more important that you get yourself in a headspace to be yourself and be the competent version of yourself in those conversations. It's a lot easier to say than it is to do, right. And I think Lisa, maybe had a tip, I can't remember if it was you, Scott, or Lisa about you know, listen to a song before your interview that gets you pumped up, or I think Lisa said, watch a video of your daughter, like, just do yoga, go running in the morning, do something that calms you down, right. Or if you're a calm person that hypes you up whichever way. And I think that was really valuable advice. And I think I did a mock interview with Lisa. And I had prepared all these answers. And I've been, kind of, I like writing. So I write down a lot of things that sound great on paper. And then as soon as you try to say them, you kind of stumble over it and it doesn't come out, right. And she was pointing out to me that I would switch from myself to like the interview version of myself. And the interview version of myself is much more boring. And so just that in itself, like after that I actually kind of stopped preparing for the interview, and started thinking more about how can I be myself with these people? Like I had been on the phone calls, because I was comfortable there. So how do I go into an interview and figure out how to just be myself?

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:52
That is suitable. And I'll even distinguish, you mentioned earlier, being the confident version of yourself. And that is... that I think is a small but critical distinction too. Because we can go through, as humans, all of these head games where it's just like, I'm just not competent anymore, or I'm just not a confident person anymore, or whatever else. But I don't think that that is true. And I don't think that is helpful for any of us to be able to tell ourselves because we all have just like you pointed out a place where we can be a competent version of ourselves. And that's the both genuine plus helpful version to be. So that's interesting that you started preparing for focusing more on being yourself rather than focusing on doing the "right thing."

Laura Morrison 38:47
Yeah, definitely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:50
Okay, so we just covered a lot of ground here over seven months. How does that feel looking back? Does that feel like a long time? Does it feel super quick? I'm always curious about that.

Laura Morrison 39:03
You know, I think I had a goal for myself starting in January that I'd have a new job by the end of this calendar year. So that's exciting, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:12
And you did it.

Laura Morrison 39:13
I did it and I set that goal. And I was like God, years a long time. So it's a little bit of both, it's in the trenches, it felt like a long time, I knew it wasn't going to be a month, right, two months. I knew that I needed to do a lot of the searching internally to figure out what I was looking for before I could find it. So I think, you know, parts of those seven months or so felt long. Usually, actually, the parts where I wasn't alone and wasn't doing much, I think, for me action and moving towards the direction speeds things up, or at least made me feel better about the time that it was taking. But now looking back on it, I mean, the difference from where I am today, versus where I was at the end of the year is incredible, not just in the fact that I have a new job. But my mentality about my career, about my potential in a career, kind of the optimism that I gained through the process, yeah, it feels very different in a very good way.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:35
So what is... it is a completely different place. And it's been super cool for us to be able to see some of those changes along the way. But what do you feel like that is meant for you, other than some of the additional optimism that you have going into 2018 here, what do you feel like that's meant for you?

Laura Morrison 40:42
Oh, it means a lot. You know, I think, having just had a daughter, which is amazing. Of course, she's almost two now, I guess I can't say just anymore. I think for moms, in general, that you tend to shift all your focus away from yourself, and now on to this kind of little creature that you brought into the world. And it's amazing, but it's also really hard to find time for yourself, to take care of yourself. And I think for me, the career part is what I put most on hold. And again, because I didn't know what I wanted to do. But partly because I felt hard. And I was focused on something else. So now to be able to be kind of a mom when I'm home. But then the idea of going to work and being happy at work too. It's all... it's just a very different way. Yeah, it just feels very different. Right? If you're going to leave your house, leave your kid with someone else, you'd hope that you're doing something fun while you're out of the house. Right. And that's something that I really didn't have. And now, I'm really optimistic that I'll have that going forward. And I'm also optimistic that now, it won't take me three years if I am unhappy again in the future.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:06
That is, you know, when we get the opportunity to work with people, I know that that is what, initially people are very focused on, the change that's now. I think personally, having done this for a while and being able to witness a lot of changes. I think that's the most valuable part in the long run is just knowing how and having the confidence to be able to make changes for when something else in life changes. Because it will, I mean, it absolutely will. And it's going to be something, that's going to be, you know, a promotion opportunity, or it's going to be, I don't know, your boss leaves or there's going to be something there, right?

Laura Morrison 42:53
Right. Of course.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:54
And that is so cool that you feel prepared for when that happens the next time around.

Laura Morrison 43:01
Absolutely. And I think that's where some of the optimism comes from. I feel empowered to kind of be in charge of my career again.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:10
Woohoo. I didn't have anything else to say that is what I wanted to add right then and there. That is amazing. I am so proud of you. And Lisa, so proud of you. And we've shared your story with our team already. We do that behind the scenes for every single person that ends up hitting their goals or getting the results that they wanted to, we share that around on, we use Slack for Team communication. So we have a woohoo channel. That's where your story got shared as soon as it happened. So woohoo to you too, and now you get to share in that as well. And you have just done a phenomenal job. And before we wrap it up, I'm curious for... if you're reaching way back to a year ago, where you resolved that and you made the commitment, hey, look, I want to... this is the year. I've been thinking about this for a couple of years now. And now I'm gonna do something about it. This is the year. What advice would you give to people that are in that spot that are just setting down this path to be able to make the change?

Laura Morrison 44:18
Yeah, I think, you know, it took me a few months to look for outside help. And that was the thing that I needed. I think, particularly as someone who has been successful, it's hard to admit to myself, it was hard for me to say I couldn't do it by myself. You know, I'm smart person, I should be able to figure this out. But as soon as I, you know, had my first career coaching experience, it completely turned around my approach to finding a new job. And it completely gave me the power back and the tools that I needed to do it. So I think, you know, if you know exactly what you want to do, well you're probably not listening to this podcast. But if you don't, just know that there are a lot of tools and resources and people out there who can help you. And for me, that made all the difference.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:12
That is amazing. Well, I am so glad that it did. Thank you for letting us hang along for the ride and getting to help you at every little point, it was a ton of fun.

Laura Morrison 45:23
Yeah, thanks, Scott. And you and Lisa, and the whole team has been a pleasure to work with. And I, like I said, I've been talking to everyone about your program. And I just think the best of the work that you do and the tools that you put out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:36
Well, we very much appreciate that. Thank you for spreading the good word. And keep it up. Do not let us stop yet. That is phenomenal. Laura, thank you so very much. And congratulations, again, moving into your new role. That is amazing.

Laura Morrison 45:53
Thank you, Scott. I really appreciate it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:56
Hey, if you loved that story from Laura, well, if you're interested in the same type of change, we actually have, as of right now, we've just recently opened up Career Change Bootcamp 2.0. And we've made some massive improvements to the program. It's the same coaching program that Laura went through, as she made all of her changes. And we got the pleasure of helping her make a massive difference in her life and ultimately get to the company that she really wanted to be with, and the role that is super exciting for her. Check it out on our website, just go to happenyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp or drop us an email support@happentoyourcareer.com and we'll help you figure out if the program is right for you. And I really appreciate everybody going over, leaving us ratings and reviews on places like stitcher and iTunes and I'm so appreciative. This one actually comes from M Wills, "I listened to a great variety of podcasts. And Scott's HTYC is up there with shows that I hate to miss or must catch up with." And thank you so much for leaving those five stars because that helps other people, not just find the show, but ultimately get to work that they really love. We've got even more in store for you coming up next week, which we have a return guest on the podcast somebody you haven't heard from for a while, but I think you're going to love. Alright, let's see what we got coming up right here.

Mark Sieverkropp 47:28
My daughter is nine. And she comes home from school and no joke. This is the conversation we have, like, everyday, "Dad, can I take my shoes off?" "Yeah, go ahead." "Dad, can I go to the bathroom?" "Yeah." "Dad, can I get something to eat?" "Brooklyn Just do it. Like just go do it. You don't need my permission to do everything. Now if you want to go play in a busy street, please ask me first. But you don't have to ask for these things." And so I think it really is like we're trained in school and we're trained in society that there's authority figures and we have to let somebody else tell us what we can do.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:57
All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you then. Until then. I am out. Adios.

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Is Your Fear of Other’s Expectations Holding You Back From Living Your Most Authentic Life?

Why does the term “live authentically” seem like it’s been popping up everywhere these days?

In fact, if you just Google it,  only 2.47 Million results appear ( if you can’t tell, I’m dripping with sarcasm).

But, why do we all have this urge to “live an authentic life” in the first place?

Well first, let’s take a step back. What does “living authentically” actually mean? According to a quick Google search:

Even more simply put, living authentically:

“…IS ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE”

While that sounds nice (and can make for a fancy facebook post–I know you’ve seen them) it’s actually a lot harder to achieve in real life than one might think. And, it turns out that if we thought it was difficult to be ourselves around our friends and family, it feels near impossible to do be our real, authentic selves in our careers.

Especially in the beginning. I mean, why do you think that a whole style of “behavioral style interviewing” has popped up so that companies feel like they need to extract the truth from us…just to find out if we’re a “fit” or not? Worse yet, why do we feel like we need to play the part of a different person just to get that job in the first place?

Then, when we finally get hired, we’re surprised–and now expected to be this person that we were during the interview process (hint: definitely not “living authentically”).

Talk about a recipe for unhappiness!

SO, WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD TO BE OUR TRUE SELVES AT ALL TIMES?

Well ultimately, it comes down to fear.

Since most of us feel like we have to behave like one person when we’re at work, and a difference person when we’re, that in itself creates a social expectation. if you want to be yourself at all times, you’re bucking the trend.

Because, in our world today it’s  not “normal” to be get paid be who you are, using your true strengths instead of just the skills you’ve picked up in various roles along the way.

But, you want to know the weirdest part? By resisting being your most authentic self at all times because of fear, we are ensuring that we stay unhappy by default.

JENNY’S STORY: FINDING A ROLE THAT USES HER GIFTS–NOT JUST FULFILLS EXPECTATIONS

It’s been on my new year’s wish list for about three years to find a new job. It’s taken a while. I’ll be transitioning into a new role helping to develop a science and sustainability program at a university near where I live.

Jenny

Meet Jenny.

Jenny has had no shortage of accomplishments in her life. With a Stanford BA, a science PhD, and a successful track record in several different fields, Jenny is a highly intelligent, rapid learner (not to mention an amazing mother of 2 kids!) and basically, an all around a rockstar. But, three years ago Jenny came to the conclusion that her role as a research scientist wasn’t a great fit. She knew something had to change.

She started slowly (very slowly) on a journey that would ultimately completely change her life–and in the end align her career with who she was as a person.

There was only one problem: During the first 18 months of Jenny’s job search, she found that she was moving so slowly, she was actually stuck.

That’s because Jenny was making her decisions based on fear and what other people might think, instead of what she knew was right for her.

You can listen to Jenny’s entire story, and hear exactly how she began to believe she really could create a new career identity for herself based on the things she couldn’t stop doing.

I didn’t want to let down my family, which is full of scientists and academics, my advisor, my professors, my peers, other women in science, particularly I felt like I needed to live up to the expectations to fulfill the investment I and they have made in this research track.

It was in that exact moment of considering the many people involved in her current career path that Jenny realized she wasn’t going to make the change she need to make alone. In Jenny’s search, she stumbled upon the Happen to Your Career podcast, ultimately enrolling in our Career Change Bootcamp program.

When we first started to work with Jenny, we helped her to identify what her “gifts” were. Essentially, Jenny had to figure out what were the areas she naturally gravitated to, but maybe didn’t value or couldn’t use fully in her current role.

During that process, Jenny realized that the “people” side of the equation (i.e. how she related to others, built relationships with others or worked through the complexities that people bring) was where she flourished. But, this was the exact opposite side of the table from where she spent most of her time at work. Science roles really do often fit the stereotype of solitary data crunching, analyzing, and writing.

This was a huge insight for me, in my science role in my home agency I was not rewarded in the metrics of contributing to complex problem solving efforts. I’m rewarded for the number of scientific papers I publish in journals on scientific results. The more I got involved in the people side of the equation and the relationships and collaboration the less time I was investing in completing and writing up and publishing results.

This insight led Jenny to realize that her ideal role would be somewhere that allowed her to use her love of science and experience in the field, but at an organization that specifically valued and highlighted her ability to work with well with a wide variety of people and problems.

BUT, HOW COULD JENNY TRANSLATE HER GIFTS INTO A CAREER THAT FIT HER VALUES?

The good news: Since Jenny hadn’t been getting rewarded for her strengths in her day job, she had been searching for other ways to fulfill her passions.

So, Jenny began volunteering occasionally for organizations and events such as the local museums, schools, and universities’ children’s science programs. Through that process, she identified that places that had the intersection of people AND science could be a fit for her.

She began to strategically put herself out there in small but genuine ways, using her natural gifts – getting reinforcement and positive feedback.

This allowed Jenny to prove to herself that her strengths really could be useful in a different role –rather than somewhat of a liability as she had been led to believe in past roles. Also, her volunteering experience allowed her get to know people in key positions within several organizations she was interested in.

As she began having success connecting with people who had the authority to hire her (or even create a position for her!), Jenny ran into an issue. She began to worry about her supervisor and coworkers finding out from someone else that she was looking. And questioning or outright criticizing her desire to transition from an excellent research job that she “should” appreciate and perform well in.

Since Jenny was unwilling to allow this to happen, this new fear nearly brought her journey to a standstill once again.

WHAT IF YOUR BOSS COULD SUPPORT YOU DURING YOUR CAREER CHANGE?

The first time I pitched her the idea that her boss could help her through this process, instead of prevent it Jenny flat out told me, it wasn’t going to happen. She was terrified!

Eventually though, she warmed up to the idea–especially when a role opened up that she thought might be an amazing fit…and she felt like she had no other options than to be clear about her goals.

So, we coached her through the process of exactly how to have a conversation with her boss so that he would not just understand her situation, but actively be willing to support her in making this change.

This courageous and genuine discussion with her supervisor ultimately enabled her to get his endorsement on changing jobs outside the organization–even if it was almost 9 months before it actually happened.

With another barrier lifted, it became easier for her to put more energy and effort into finding a career that matched her gifts and values.

JUST WHEN YOU START TO GAIN MOMENTUM…THAT’S WHERE IT REALLY GETS HARD

Now that Jenny was much more confident in what she wanted for her career, she knew what she needed to do in order to pursue the role that she wanted. This ultimately made it possible to recognize a great opportunity for her when she saw it,…but she wasn’t out of the woods yet.

Jenny did amazing work connecting with colleagues whose roles in science outreach and education intrigued her, at a University she was interested in. Eventually she secured an interview for a position that sounded like it would play to many of her strengths. But, Jenny decided that didn’t want to go through the entire interview process  only to accept  a job that still might not be a great fit.

This realization meant that Jenny had to get hired for who she was, not someone she thought she “should be” during the interview process.

She began working with Lisa Lewis, a coach on our team, to practice interviewing authentically. It was important for Jenny to show potential employers exactly who she really was as a person AND cause them to want her even more. With Lisa’s encouragement, Jenny finally gained the confidence that highlighting her true personality and values during interviews would be more effective than trying to present herself as an ideal, but not fully “real”, candidate.

Jenny ended up getting the job offer.

It wasn’t a perfect offer though.

HOW TO MODIFY YOUR JOB OFFER TO REFLECT WHAT  YOU REALLY WANT

Most people don’t realize that it’s not just about having the perfect negotiation conversation and “saying the right things” at the right time to get the offer you really want.

Instead, it was all of the work Jenny had done clarifying what she truly wanted, building authentic relationships, and preparing for the interview in an honest way that enabled her to be in a prime position to ask for something quite a bit different than what the initial offer.

By the way: I’ve had many people tell me that when you work at a University there’s no room for negotiation or it’s “impossible” to get exceptions made for you. We’ve found that’s not the case–instead those people just don’t know how to do it any differently and end up accepting that reality for themselves.

As you know, Jenny didn’t accept their offer at face value. Even though it was outside her comfort zone, she  pushed herself to have multiple conversations to ensure she was getting what was most important to her. Again, she was amazed at how right HTYC turned out to be: asking for what you want and need can lead to actually getting it!

In the end, Jenny happily accepted a revised offer with greater flexibility in the schedule,increased compensation, and a start date delayed by 2 months to allow a smooth transition from her previous job and also a very important family vacation overseas!

After what was nearly a 3 year journey, Jenny had some advice for you if you’re getting ready to make a career change:

Trust your own instincts on what feels like a good fit for you and try not to stay too attached to that investment and identity that doesn’t feel like a good fit any longer. People do change and evolve and I keep reminding myself that new phases of our identities is what keeps life interesting.We can make a bigger difference in the world for the better if we allow those changes to happen rather than fighting them.

Jenny 00:02
Even as a graduate student, researcher, and teaching assistant I had a lot of challenges, sort of, prioritizing when do I grade papers and meet with students who are struggling versus when do I pursue my own research and write proposals and papers. And so, my conclusion after, sort of, testing it out as a graduate student was, I’m not sure I could do this full-time as a professor for the rest of my career.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories, we get to bring on experts like Lisa Lewis, who teaches people how to reframe their future, and set goals attainable, especially in this new year. And people who have pretty amazing stories, like Adarsh Pandit, who left academia, develop scientific approach to his career change and found a job that fits his lifestyle. Now, these are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And today's guest is Jenny, who we got the opportunity to tag along for her journey over the last 18 months and help her actually make a change. And this is so much fun to have this conversation with her now.

Jenny 01:42
It's been on my New Year's wish list, I think, for about three years to find a new job. But it has taken a while. And I’ll be transitioning into a role, helping develop a science and sustainability program at a University near where I live. I have currently a science background, but I had been looking for opportunities to do more than science or other roles in addition to science. So this job sounds like an incredible blend of different things. And I'm really curious about it and excited to get started.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:23
In this conversation with Jenny, we get pretty deep into how to stop doing what you should do, I'm using air quotes. And you know, what I should want in my current job or what other people want me to have, so I should stick with it. You don't have to be bound by those shoulds. And also how to let go of your current identity. Because if it's completely wrapped up in what you do right now, that can stop you from finding something that is going to make your heart happy. And how to let go of other people's expectations on your life more of those shoulds. But this it really impacted Jenny and take a listen for how much this impacted her. Because she's somebody who's pretty talented, she's high achieving, she went to a really reputable school. She's done a lot in her life, but still, a lot of this identity was wrapped up. And she was allowing what other people think, impact her happiness.

Jenny 03:26
Well, I had a pretty typical past as a scientist with a few added extras on the side. I did a... and I’d love to talk more about the extras because I think it is significant but my, sort of basic biography as I did an undergraduate degree in Biology, then I took a few years and I actually taught a preschool Science program, but then went to graduate school for more Science, again, Biology, Ecology, Conservation. And I got a PhD in that field and did a lot of outdoor research on mountain forest ecosystems and fire with many of the aspects of those topics and the process of research I really love. After finishing my PhD, I worked both in the education realm for a while and as a field biologist. I had a series of part-time jobs teaching college Biology which, those were some great adventures and learning experiences. But I did always know... or I realized about half way through graduate school that I didn’t want the traditional career of an academic professor. My dad actually, is an academic professor and my grandfather was, and several family members. So I’d seen lots of examples of that career path and I had been intrigued and thinking, it’s sort of, in my genes and in my environment, but the more I learned and experienced from the inside, as a grad student, the more I thought, I'm not sure this would be the perfect fit for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:16
What caused you to think that? What are some of the elements or some of the events that, you realized, "hey, this isn’t for me for these reasons."?

Jenny 05:27
Well, I think it's an incredibly challenging and rewarding profession but it's sort of 24/7. I had seen this with my dad. He was doing his own research and writing, he was advising graduate students, he was teaching undergrads and our whole family life was filled with overflow and participation in his academic life. One of the thing my dad studied is Charles Darwin. And my sisters and I grew up just actually thinking of Charles Darwin as a really bad guy, who sort of, took my dad away from the family a lot. And we sort of visualized him as a, sort of, cartoon character villain.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:24
Charles Darwin the villain.

Jenny 06:25
In college I started realizing that actually he was the opposite of a villain, he's a... many scientists hero. I secretly took my own classes in evolutionary biology and history and philosophy of science and realized that Darwin is not a villain. That, any academic study can really take over someone's life and career. And so...

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:50
So he played the villain in your early movie.

Jenny 06:53
He was the reason dad could not, sometimes come to sports days or picnics, things like that. Some of the graduate students became, sort of, there were this, sort of, cast of characters, some of them were really funny and friendly and role models for us, but it was certainly a big deal to be a professor. When I was studying with my own advisor in the different field of biology, I realized he was working around the clock. His family sometimes would come out to the research sites with us and joke that that was how they got to see him. A lot of people juggle everything very successfully including my dad and my advisor but I felt like I wasn’t sure I had the energy or the commitment to a particular research field with the degree of passion that, at least, these two had. I’m, sort of, a generalist. I'm interested in lots of things but I didn’t want to single-mindedly pursue one research track. And I also found teaching to be really demanding. I felt this very strong sense of obligation to all the students in the classes that I taught. So I would... even as a graduate student, researcher, and teaching assistant I had a lot of challenges, sort of, prioritizing when do I grade papers and meet with students who are struggling versus when do I pursue my own research and write proposals and papers. And so, my conclusion after, sort of, testing it out as a graduate student was, I’m not sure I could do this full-time as a professor for the rest of my career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:40
I see. So this really didn’t line up with your lifestyle, at all. It sounds... oop, your lifestyle that you desire at all that... from the very beginning, and you had multiple examples of this over and over again. So I’m super curious then, what took place after that? After you tested that out and realized, "Not for me." Really great for some people that are very very much more into it but, as you said, you're much more of a generalist. And if I recall, you identify as what Emilie Wapnick back in episode 173 calls a multipotentialite, is that right?

Jenny 09:20
Yes. The problem also with my science studies was that I just could not help adding other topics and roles on the side. In the grand scheme of things, I think that type of approach is valuable to cover many disciplines or have a broader scope, but I think in the world of science, it's more typical to be a specialist and it's seen as more focused and more productive and contributes more to the individual field. My advisor was often questioning me, "why are you working on the campus writing center with all these English majors?" And I find...

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:09
What's your problem?

Jenny 10:10
And yeah, intriguing and enlightening. Why do you have so many side jobs? I think it's detracting from your forward progress. I’d say, well, it's sort of keeping me engaged and I love interacting across the whole campus and... so, we had a little back and forth. But I think, to answer your question, my next step was to say to myself, "alright. I’m going to try and find a more pure research job or pure teaching job and sort of see how those feel when I can separate the components of research and education." That worked out and I learned a lot through those comparisons. I learned that I didn’t love teaching a lot of content, a lot of information, again, maybe because of my generalist type of approach. I love teaching classes and the process of science, and I still do. Encouraging kids, or students of all ages to sort of come up with their own questions and hypotheses and investigations. I had several college teaching jobs that did this and those were really rewarding because I could see the spark of excitement and discovery in the students and how energized they were to figure out, "I can do science. I do science every day. Now I'm gonna learn to do it systematically and it'll let me find out new things and solve problems."

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:48
I’m curious, what do you think was the difference for you after all of this and making the transition and having lots of these experiments along the way? What do you think was the difference for you in terms of teaching focus on process versus teaching focus on specific information and what caused you to resonate so much with that? Because I’m guessing part of the reason that they would light up was because your involvement with that as well.

Jenny 12:24
I think I really do love, and I’ve learned this through listening to a lot of the HTYC podcast and other things. I do love guiding and mentoring, facilitating. That is always part of good teaching, I think, but definitely in science's course too, there is this emphasis on transferring information and facts. I feel like that involves a lot of memorizing and different skills than sort of the process skills. I’m not sure why, maybe I just don’t have as strong memory as some people do. But when I was teaching those classes I would sort of barely memorize all the different types of plant tissue or something, myself. I'd memorize them like, right before I got to teach the students and then I try to get the students to remember them using the same techniques that I had just learned. And I was sort of, I know it's really important to absorb the basic facts and information in any field but sometimes I would feel like we were overloading the facts and the memorizing and I would prefer the emphasis on the process of investigation and discovery and sort of went toward that side of the spectrum.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:51
That is so interesting. That even when you were teaching those types of information like, all the time on the podcast, we talked about what you can’t stop doing and what shows up everywhere. And even when you are doing those information type classes, you are still, "Hey, here's how I taught myself to remember this. Here's still the process." That is interesting.

Jenny 14:12
Yeah, I mean, I did... one of my most stressful experiences was teaching plant biology. I ended up trying to have the students do all these experiments like, let’s learn what plants need by growing a bunch of plants under different conditions rather than just telling them, "Here are the 39 things, nutrients and conditions, that plants need." We did all these experiments and now I’m thinking about it, a lot of this maybe goes back to this really fun interlude that I had in college, and after college when I was a preschool teacher and I realized that kids just want to investigate everything all the time. As we both know, we have little kids and they're just the world's best investigators and scientists and engineers. So that's how I had operated in preschool and that was encouraged in pre-school. It was a philosophy that I learned at that time called "Emergent Curriculum", it was about letting the kids sort of drive the agenda and learning process rather than having them put together, sort of, prepackaged arts and crafts activities led by the teacher. I hadn’t realized that but this has been kind of a theme through a lot of my work. Maybe I was lucky to have that formative job experience early on. And I really... it really clicked with me and I clicked with it. And I feel like there's the most genuine learning when the learner is sort of driving the pace and the process of the learning and it's not necessarily all about memorizing the facts.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:03
That is super interesting and I wanna actually come back to that and touch on that a little bit later too, because I’m curious, how much that helped you in this actual career change too. But before we get into that and before we dive into that part, I’m really interested in how you began to feel after you got into your most recent type of research and what was it there that caused you to start to think, "Hey, maybe I should be actively pursuing something else."

Jenny 16:38
Yeah, it's definitely connected to this theme and I thought about this a lot. I think I went into science and research for two reasons. One is I genuinely love this process of investigation and discovery and I really love the process of problem solving with science, both just in the simple cases of kids figuring out answers to their own questions or in my field, it's been tackling the problems of sustainable resource management like forest management, water management, wildlife management. Using science to help the resource managers identify the most effective strategies and least effective strategies. So I was, was and still am really enthusiastic about that part. I think the second reason why I stayed in Science and research was sort of to live up to the expectations of everybody who had guided me along the way and helped me pursue this track.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:48
What's an example of that?

Jenny 17:49
I didn’t want to let down my family, which is full of scientists and academics, my advisor, my professors, my peers, other women in science, particularly, I felt like I needed to sort of, yeah, live up to the expectations, sort of, fulfill the investment that I and they have made in this research track. But what began to shift for me was that, first I realized that when I was working with manager, partners who had problems to solve, it wasn't sort of purely this scientific data that they needed in doing their job. It was also connections with scientists, relationships with scientists, input from scientists that was more than just numbers. The whole situation was much more complicated than it seems from the outside, you know, I had sort of... before I took the job that I have now with a federal research agency, I had thought, oh there are these problems in the world of environmental resource management. And scientists will come to the table with the managers then will go off and design experiments to help address the problems and then, a couple years later, we'll bring the results back to that same table and hand them over and then we'll go away again, and the managers will be able to take the results and implement them and everything will get better and the problems will be solved.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:30
Whoa, it doesn’t work like that? You are killing my utopian bubble.

Jenny 19:39
It's still worth striving for that sort of effective, clean model of how the world works but I feel that I was naive looking back to think it would be that simple. The good news is that even though it's complicated and even though the relationships and the people dynamics and the politics are really highly involved, that's sort of part of the, I guess, positive side in one sense. I think... and I’ve seen that by developing these strong relationships, scientists and managers can solve or address even very tricky problems by working together. However, the huge insight for me was that, in my science role, at my home agency, I was definitely not rewarded in the metrics of contributing to complex problem solving efforts. I’m rewarded for the number of scientific papers I publish in scientific journals on scientific results. And so, the more I got involved in the people side of the equation and the relationships and collaboration, the less time I was investing in completing and writing up and publishing results. And of course, the more complex the problem, the harder it is to get clean publishable scientific papers out of it. I was kind of getting.... against the checklist of performance that I'm evaluated by, I was not doing the things that were expected from my position and I was finding meaning in what I was doing but I was also wishing that I could have a role in which part of the purpose or point was to invest in the relationships and collaborations and it wasn’t seen as a distraction or delay.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:53
So you're doing all these things that you are starting to get meaning out of and feel good about and you're getting small snippets of those as you realize, "Hey. I actually really enjoy these pieces of it." You also had the same sinking realization that sounds like that, the organization you are with doesn’t value those pieces. Now, even removing right or wrong, I mean every organization values different things and different elements, and it sounds like that didn't line up very clearly, and became painfully clear, with where you were at. What prompted you to do something about that? What took place? Do you decide, "Hey, I actually need to... I need to act on this."

Jenny 22:46
Well, there was kind of this dawning realization that every year during the annual performance review discussions, I was being questioned rightfully about the time that I was spending in meetings and collaborative workshops and the investment that I was making and the people's side of the scientific problem. That was a little awkward. But I think that as kind of silly or different, as it sounds, I had a more personal epiphany related to a book that somebody else mentioned on the podcast recently. Totally different. It was this, decluttering your life type of book by Marie Kondo called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I read this book and it's very... it's quite practical, and it's really insightful and philosophical in many ways. And I think I probably read it a few years ago, I think right after the holidays and with our young kids, our house was just full of toys and stuff and I was thinking, it's time to get organized, it's the New Year. But this author's approach is to guide people more broadly to really question everything in their life including, spouses, careers, any element and ask, “what about these different elements is meaningful to me and what isn’t.” And to try and focus on keeping the things that are meaningful and bring you joy and satisfaction and sort of let go, thankfully let go of the things that don’t fit or bring you meaning. And so this could be everything from the outgrown barbie dolls lying on our floor in our playroom to sort of bigger things. But the thing that really struck me was that, when I looked at all the books in our house, and in particular mind, I had this insight that if I was in charge, I would gratefully say goodbye to a lot of the science books that people have given me over the years. I’ve always accepted the books and been appreciative but I never felt compelled to read any of the science books. And I almost feel strange about admitting this. But my husband would read them, friends would read them, my dad would read them. And I just was never compelled to read them on the weekends and evenings because I did science 40+ hours a week. I always felt like that must... so I had this feeling, I don’t think I’m a proper scientist. What is wrong with me that I would want to give my science books away? And that really started me questioning the big picture of my future career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:04
Hold on. One thing you said though, I think is very much a human tendency and I think it is something that almost all of us, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us experience where we go through something like that and then we start to question, what is wrong with me? It’s nothing wrong with you, in your particular situation, then there's nothing wrong with the next person so much. But that is so interesting that, we as smart, capable human beings will... we will question what, well, I must be broken. And it's truly not the case and definitely wasn't in your situation too. So I just wanted to acknowledge that because I know that you haven’t stayed there. What happened next after the realization and you realized, "Hey. There's all these books that are sitting on my shelf. I don’t want these" and you started to feel, sounds like, awkward at a minimum about that and questioned even yourself. What was next?

Jenny 27:04
Well, a lot of... sort of, self questioning, I guess, and worrying and wondering what to do. I mean, around the same time, I had started volunteering at my kids school to lead science activities and I was finding that really really fun and rewarding. And it was taking me back to the days of working at the pre-school with these amazing little science investigators. I was starting to think I love this process of sharing science, fostering science even though I’m not, maybe, a specialist and a die-hard 24/7 scientist... or sort of more classic scientist, myself. Maybe I should look at roles that where I could go back to teaching or facilitating science in some way, not just with kids but with non-scientists or people who'd like to learn more about science or get a little flavor of science, I think... I really think I’m good at, sort of, bridging the gap not assuming that everybody wants or needs to understand science or love it. But I think I started looking more closely at institutions and agencies and organizations that are sort of in between the worlds of science and education and real life. A couple of job ads started to catch my eye in that arena of science education. And so I put out, I think Scott, the first time I contacted you I was responding to an ad for an informal science education position that I was really excited about.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:05
Oh, yeah. I remember that.

Jenny 29:10
At the same time I didn’t want to sort of blow my cover. I didn't want to do... I wasn’t ready to do what I would think of now as a full job search where I would tap into my big network of connections and do a lot of informational interviews and start getting a sense of what's out there that involves science but isn't pure science. So I still haven’t really done that. And I think one of the challenges that maybe will resonate with other people is that, I couldn't let go of the sense that I should want my pure science job. It's a great job, it's really secure and well respected. I’ve talked with many people over the years who would absolutely love to have the job that I have. And I kept thinking, people will think that I’m crazy if I start asking around widely about alternative career paths.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:18
So let's dig into that for just a second. Because I do think that that is a... that is something that we hear all the time behind the scenes and emails that we get, and people that we talk to, conversations that we have every day especially for professions like scientists, like academic professors in other cases, doctors, lawyers, yeah. And particularly, people that are high up in different organizations too, I am a Senior Director of this, or VP of that, or CEO of this. You know, we hear that again and again and again, because we've wrapped ourselves into that world, and we built that world around it. But I'm curious, let's go into that. So what was that like for you? And how did you start unraveling that?

Jenny 31:08
Well, I think one of the insights I had again was from something of a popular psychology type book, about how there are some people in the world, and I realized that I can acknowledge that I am one of them, who are unusually highly tuned into other people's expectations. I know a lot of podcast guests have alluded to this and it's helpful. I think that the particular book or sort of, I don't know, framework that I found helpful is by Gretchen Rubin, writer who studies happiness and habits and recently published a book called "The Four Tendencies" about how people respond to external and internal expectations. And I’ve always sort of envied people who are very tuned into their own internal compass and expectations and goals. My tendency has always been to try and do what other people expect or I think is reasonable and I think somehow I had to... was very comforting to me to read more about the fact that there are more people than me in the world that share this I guess, orientation. You don’t have to beat yourself up and think that you're weird or weak willed, etc. You can try to say, given that I now recognize I follow a lot of others' expectations to the point of having a lot of credentials and experience in an arena that maybe other people expected me to follow or to be a good fit. Given that, I can still take a step back and say, "Now I realize that isn’t the best long term fit and now I want to gently disentangle from some of those external expectations and start discovering what my own internal drive is telling me." I went through this self-questioning and self-analysis process and it was significantly helped by all the material that I absorbed from the HTYC podcast, and blog, and some of the courses and exercises that you, guys, provided, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:50
You’ve been through quite a few things with us, you’ve been through career change bootcamp, and you've done coaching, and you've been a listener for a long time on the podcast. You’ve been everywhere.

Jenny 33:59
Well I think that... one of my insights was, it's really okay to ask for help, get help and support and invest in help and support. It's a big deal to make a big transition. The thing I think was the hugest roadblock for me, mentally, and maybe for others was this feeling of lack of confidence. First of all, how could I have such... how could I have invested so many years in a career path that might not be a good fit? Why didn’t I realize this sooner? And then having a lack of confidence of not performing perfectly in my job that isn’t a good fit, and I think you or others said, "Well, it makes some sense that we wouldn’t performing at our best at a job that we recognized isn't a great fit." But something about that daily undermining of confidence like, I'm not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I'm not good at the things I’m supposed to be good at, that sort of, drains confidence and so it was really hard... it was really hard for me to kind of get over that confidence barrier and have that energy and positive confidence to apply for better fit jobs. I think HTYC and other support people and resources were really essential for me to kind of build up confidence that had been draining away and kind of get that energy and positivity back to start making new applications. I certainly had a few ups and downs with that. Some interviews and applications that didn’t go very well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:55
Share how long you’ve been working on this. I think it'll be helpful to people. How long have you been working on this journey in order to make this transition?

Jenny 36:03
I think about three full... three and a half full years since my very first job application which was in a, I don't know if I even I’ve talked to you much about that one, but it was for a science focus role with a national nonprofit conservation organization, which I think does amazing work and I really respect and admire. But because it was sort of a blend of science and other roles, I did the interview for that job kind of wearing my science hat, and I was really thrown off because the interview and application process was a lot broader than I had realized. And I may not have... by this story before that there was this moment that I occasionally have nightmares about, during a big final interview with a big panel of people. They suddenly switched from asking science-ish questions to asking me what I was passionate about. And I completely froze up. Now I know that that's not such an unusual job interview question. But at that time, it was the first time I'd ever heard it. In the world of all the science interviews, I'd never done that. Had never never come up. And as you know, I’m also from England where people don’t tend to talk freely about passion very much. I started stammering and joking about how scientists really weren't supposed to talk about passion nor were English people typically. And I said that the only thing I could admit to being passionate about was good coffee. And maybe you can relate to that but the interview panel wasn’t very amused by that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:09
They weren't buying it.

Jenny 38:09
No. I just floundered horribly and finally said a few things that weren’t related to coffee and recovered a little but I realized after that interview, that I really needed to work more broadly on my skills and my presentation, and my applications. This wasn’t something that I would just be able to kind of wing it and succeed at in making a big transition. I’ve really benefited from all the resources and guidance that I’ve found with your team and others and feel like I should encourage people like you always have, to not try to go it alone. And try to reach out for help and resources, if needed. I realize that interviews can be handled much better with lots and lots of practice and I also really loved the episode long ago in the podcast where you interviewed a scientist with a PhD in biochemistry, Adarsh Pandit and he mentioned he had done like 30 interviews while trying to figure out his transition from a science and research role into another arena. And that made me feel a lot better, you know it really does take practice, it's not gonna happen spontaneously and organically.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:48
I think, I wasn’t around for that particular time frame when you went through that interview that now, still occasionally gives you nightmares but I think that had to happen in order to allow the other events that followed it. Otherwise, you may not have had all the realizations that you've had, and you may not have conducted all the experiments that you conducted in that took place after that and not in the way. So, I wouldn’t wish the nightmares on anybody but I would absolutely wish that type of event that caused you to think about some of these things differently. And I think many people need that type of wake up. You don’t have to but a lot of times, it does takes place before we begin to take different types of action and before we begin to reach out and ask for help and before we begin to realize that, "hey, this is the bigger deal and if I really want this, then, here's how I have to go." We’ve been in contact, I wanna say for a little over 18 months, give or take. And I just got to say that I’ve been so impressed with, particularly, how you have stepped through this. Because... first of all, let’s just think about what you've done here, you’ve been immersed every single day in a situation where essentially, some of the things that you are the best at and some of the things that really do make you happy, and some of the types of activities and the way you engaged with people aren’t rewarded for the most part in your environment. What, I think, most people don’t realize when they're in that, is the realization that you had, that it was chipping away at your confidence. When it does something that is continually chipping away at your confidence every single day, then taking and having the wherewithal to recognize that and reach out for help is, honestly, half the battle. Because, that is something most people will not do. And then, you went above and beyond that and even though it's been super uncomfortable for you, because you thought about yourself as a scientist and you have all of these other people expectations in mind, you've continually progressed closer and closer to the point where now you have this role, that is going to leverage the fun things or the things that you look at as fun and also some of the things that you have and be great about and at the same time, not so coincidentally, leverage those the experiences that you have. And I think that, that is so cool, it is not easy. And it's taken a long time for you to be able to make that journey but most people will never start or most people will stay on that same path and never get the help, never recognize that it's chipping away their confidence, never have the commitment to be able to do something about it. So I am super proud of you and I'm so appreciative that you've allowed us to be right there and help along the way.

Jenny 42:59
Thanks. Yeah, I really appreciate it and I think the experiences I’ve had hopefully are shared by others. It doesn’t have to be science that forms your identity. And I’ve taken, I would say, I've taken steps to kind of broaden that identity. I haven’t completely let it go. My new role will certainly... I realized it was important for me to find a role in which that training and experience will be an asset. But I’m thrilled that I'll be able to use my people skills, my relationship building skills, my guiding and mentoring and discovering and problem solving skills and I don’t think I would have clarified those as fully without all this great help along the way. So, thanks again. Yeah, it's been really a fun process of discovery.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:02
Fun mixed in with some challenges along the way to say the least. I’m super curious, before we go, for other people that are in the shoes that you were in, 18 plus months ago, where they have the realization that it's not what I want to be doing forever. They are looking at the type of the change that they want to make or maybe even feel like they need to make, in order to get where they want to go and it's a big change because what you have done is a huge change, I would say. What advice would you give people that are in that place?

Jenny 44:46
Good question. I guess to try and sum it up it would be to trust your own instincts about what feels like a good fit for you and try not to stay too attached on that investment and identity that doesn’t feel like a good fit any longer. I think people do change and evolve and I keep to remind myself that, "new phases of our identities is what keeps life interesting and we can make a bigger difference in the world for the better if we allow those changes to happen rather than fighting them." It’s helped me to have a few sort of mantras about... or prepared answers to people's questions about why I might make this move. I think those will be different for everybody but it helps me to kind of practice them. Science is a great fit for many people and I love science but I think a better fit for me will be facilitating science with other partners, etc. I also think that it is daunting to look at one's whole life being sort of reorganized by a new career choice but I love how your process and others emphasize that it's kind of a holistic process of change and it shouldn’t be scary. It can definitely be positive and exciting. I also wanted to just quickly mention, it turned out that I had a friend in my neighborhood all along, who gave me great insights and confidence close to the end of my journey. And she sort of complimented your approach, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 46:53
Very cool.

Jenny 46:55
She sort of had this perspective of telling me what she thought my strengths were, sort of in everyday life. And I know you emphasize that in the bootcamp like, have your friends and family to list your strengths. I found that really tough. It happened organically through some conversations with a friend who's starting a career coaching business called Career Five. She just was able to chat with me about strengths and say, "Yes. This is what I’ve seen you do in the neighborhood, school or birthday parties. This is what I think you're great at." I would say to others like, try and take those sources of information and confidence sort of wherever they show up and everything is relevant and keep the faith and keep your spirits up through adding everything into your week that you can, that helps boosts that confidence and reminds you of all the things outside your, not good fit job, that make you... that give you happiness, confidence, and rewards.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:11
Very cool. I so appreciate you making the time. This has been a phenomenal conversation. There are actually so many other questions that I wanted to ask but we haven't even got to dive into. But some huge takeaways for me and how to think about yourself differently and how to move through a big change like this, particularly, when you’ve steep yourself in one type of perception about how you and your life looks and I think you’ve done such a phenomenal job with that. So I so appreciate you making the time, Jenny.

Jenny 48:52
Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:55
Hey, if you're ready to create and begin to live a life that really truly is unapologetically you, I would absolutely urge you to check out our career change bootcamp program. We have, for the first time, just open career change bootcamp 2.0. And you can find that on our website happentoyourcareer.com click on career change bootcamp, or drop us an email support@happentoyourcareer.com. And we'll be able to point you in the right direction to learn more about how you can learn what you really want and be able to make it happen. Hey, I really appreciate all of you going over to Stitcher and iTunes and all kinds of places where podcasts are played and leaving us ratings and reviews. This helps so many other people find the show and we just... it means the world to us. And as it turns out, helps other people, not just find the show, but get to work that they love which is kind of what we do around here, anyhow, really appreciate. This one from Lauren PNDC, it says "This podcast is a lifeline as I tolerate a job that pays well believes me lackluster, and I found it by googling, should I quit or fear of taking risk, it's revitalizing my vision for meaningful work and finding the tribe I feel connected to. so grateful for this high quality content." Thanks so much, Lauren. Really appreciate you leaving that. We have much more in store for you coming up next week right here on Happen To Your Career. We have even another person and I think you're going to absolutely love this one, who allowed us to tag along for the ride. And she made such an amazing change, I think you'd be blown away. And so much of this next episode, I think you'd be able to incorporate into your life. So take a listen for what we've got coming in store.

Laura Morrison 50:48
And so for a while, that felt like a good fit, and it felt like something I could be passionate about. And then over time, it just wasn't anymore. But again, I was in the same position that I had had kind of in college and beyond where I didn't know what else to do. And so I just kind of stuck with it, kind of only half thinking about what else I could be doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:10
Alright, all that and plenty more right here on Happen To Your Career, next week. Until then, I am out. Adios.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:23
Cue the bloopers. That means record just in case you hadn't figured it out. This is Scott Anthony Barlow (so unprofessional) uh, yeah, I got this. Deep breath. Like I'm at the yoga class or something. Sorry, Josh. I'm like really mixed up here. Okay.

Joshua Rivers 51:45
Not a problem. It's called a blooper reel.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:49
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That's ridiculous. Like I've never done this before. Oh, my goodness. My voice sounds so flat.

Ready for Career Happiness?

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Join our 8-day “Mini-Course” to figure it out. It’s free!

Is Staying at a Job You Hate Holding You Back from Happiness?

Is staying at a job you hate holding you back from happiness? What if you’ve changed careers…and the new work wasn’t quite the fit you thought it would be?

That’s what happened to Audrey Romagnoulo. She was a talented Operations Manager working in the Events and Hospitality industry in New York City. She’d given much of herself to the job and had been rewarded with increasing responsibility, perpetual “thank yous” …and an increasing distaste for her work because what she valued most didn’t align with what the company valued.

When she came to us for help, it became apparent that the genuine, highly caring, no-holds-barred person that she was (and wanted to be more often) was being hampered because of the job she was working in.

This inability to be herself for 70 hours a week became so frustrating for her that it sparked an 11-month long journey to figure out what she really wanted and fight off the mental barriers that were keeping her stuck!

So how did she go from teary days staying at a job she hated to getting paid $20,000 more with a career that allowed her to be who she is?

Take a listen to Audrey’s story and find out!

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOUR CAREER CHANGE

After helping a couple thousand people make career changes, you notice a few commonalities.

We’ve realized that EVERYONE has barriers to making their change. Especially the busy, high achieving peeps that we’ve worked with. Audrey was no exception!

Audrey had 3 major barriers keeping her from making this change:

End-of-Day Energy Drain: She was working an absurd amount of hours and was drained by the time she was getting home from work and the hour commute each way.

Less Opportunities: She wanted to move to a smaller city many hours away that had less companies and less jobs.

No Job Title Experience: She had 10 years of professional experience but she had never worked in any of the professions that she was most interested in.

To get around these barriers we realized that we would have to do a few things.

  1. We set Audrey up on a schedule that allowed for her to do the work slowly with continuous effort every single week. This schedule allowed her to focus on doing the “work” for herself first thing in the day so that some of her best energy was going to herself.
  2. We realized that to be most effective she would have to avoid the “front door” (online applications) and go in the “back door” (relationships and connections) because she didn’t have the job title experience to be competitive AND because there were less opportunities in the area she want to relocate to.

We also knew that it would be critically important to make sure that Audrey’s next role was one that enabled her to be happy rather than detracted from her happiness.

This meant that she was going to have to do some experimenting to make sure that she got it right.

HOW AUDREY LEARNED THAT WORKING FOR GOOGLE ISN’T FOR EVERYBODY

Audrey began by identifying what would make an ideal opportunity for her. Next, she created a list of companies that she thought might have the types of jobs and culture that she wanted. Then, she began test driving these companies to determine whether or not these were actually a fit.

What happened next is exactly why we always have our students test out their theories of who they actually want to work for and what environment will make them happy.

One of the companies on her short list was Google, partially because she wanted a more progressive environment than where she was already working and partially because they had office locations nearby where she wanted to live.

She worked to get introductions to people inside the company through a friend of her significant other (the weak ties are always there, most people just don’t realize it). She next scheduled some informal “no agenda” conversations to begin building relationships and learning more about the organizations.

These conversations led her to take a total 180 degree turn that may have saved her several years of another job and company that was the wrong fit!

She learned that she actually valued a much more traditional office environment rather than the open concept culture of places like Google.

There were a variety of reasons but Audrey put it this way.

“I learned that if I ever had to wait for someone to finish a game of ping pong so I could get what I needed for a project, I would probably go crazy”

Not at all what she expected! But boy was she glad she did the research as she could have easily ended up in one of those environments!

She also knew that she wanted to make more money in her next role but had no idea how much money she was losing by staying where she was!

HOW STAYING AT A JOB YOU HATE COULD BE BE COSTING YOU MONEY: THE EARNINGS FORMULA

I don’t think Audrey actually believed that she could make significantly more money while at the same time changing careers AND moving to a place with much lower cost of living (and lower pay).

…At least until we showed her the data for the types of roles she was exploring. I personally spent 10 minutes pulling together data from some of our favorite resources like Glassdoor.comSalary.com, and the Bureau of Labor and Statistics and we found that it was very likely Audrey could easily increase her salary by $10,000 – $30,000 annually!

This meant that for every month she was staying in her job she was losing $833 – $2500.

Here’s an example of how that works.

It doesn’t take a PhD in Applied Mathematics to figure out that not only is this amount what you’re losing every single month you’re in your current job, but that when when this begins to add up over years it adds to significant money for most people (especially if you are staying at a job you hate!).

For Audrey it meant $100,000 difference over the next 5 years. $300,000 over the next 30 years if Audrey never got another salary increase (highly unlikely).

So, in other words, changing jobs meant losing the equivalent of a large house where Audrey lives! (Or a reasonably nice apartment in Paris.)

What most people don’t take into account is that when you’re earning more in a job that you’re much more excited about, it gives you additional momentum because you’re more likely to get additional increases in the form of higher raises or promotions.

More important than all of the money, though, is that Audrey was able to get a job that allowed her to be herself and do what she was great at.

BUT WHAT DOES IT REALLY TAKE TO MAKE A CAREER CHANGE?

You know how you always hear those success stories of what other people have done? If you’re like me (or you’re human), sometimes they can make you a little jealous or depressed.

How come it always works out so well for those other people?

Well, here’s the hidden reality behind every single one of the success stories we’ve published:

Zero of them were easy, AND none of them went perfectly.

In fact, we find that much of the time we are helping our students make it easier to change to work they love by focusing on the right things, but focusing on the right things alone doesn’t automatically make you successful.

What happens when you get rejected from a company that you thought was going to give you an offer? Or when everybody is on vacation all at the same time and you feel like throwing in the towel on your career change because you don’t feel like you’re making progress? Or when things blow up at your current job and it sucks up all your time for 2 weeks straight?

All of these happened to Audrey.

It was hard to manage those things while working so much and working crazy hours commuting from state to state. I was crying on the bus ride to work and home sometimes. On those days my most fulfilling days were the days I finished a task. Rarely was it something I was doing on my own behalf.

The imbalance become more obvious as time went on. I was having hopeful conversations and I’d get really excited. I remember talking to this one company for three months and it was all positive but all of a sudden they closed the job because they acquired another office and had two people that could do the job. It was a huge slap in the face.

Even after all of this, she would still do it over again. When you make this type of change, it’s not just about making the change for more money, you end up taking back your life and your right to be yourself and live the life you want along the way.

It doesn’t happen all at once. For Audrey, it took over 11 months. It happens in small steps day after day.

Let me know what you’re going to do today to move yourself forward in the comments below (or congratulate Audrey on her recent change). Don’t let fear force you into staying at a job you hate!

Audrey Romagnuolo 00:04
I got this job in New York marketing in a timeshare industry and hated it because it was boring. The work wasn't very engaging. And although I got to interact with traveling people and transient guests all the time, I kind of felt stupid and underutilized doing the job.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
Hey, welcome back to the Happen To Your Career podcast. I am beyond excited to be here. I know I say that all the time. But I'm especially excited for this episode. It's... quite honestly, one I've been waiting for. I think that's fair to say. I've been waiting for it for a little while ever since I met our guest today. I have had in the back of my mind that I want her on the Happen To Your Career podcast. So without further ado, welcome Audrey to Happen To Your Career. How are you feeling?

Audrey Romagnuolo 01:29
Hey, Scott, I'm feeling great.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:31
Good. Because this is going to be fun. I don't even know all the details yet. But you and I worked together, you found us. I don't even actually know if I remember the story of how you found us. And we'll get into all that. But I got the pleasure of being able to tag along for the ride as you were making your career change. And you allowed us the honor of being able to help out with that. And you've done some rather amazing things I would say. So I'm super excited to dig into all of that. We're going to get to all the things in due time here. Tell people what you do now and you're just getting ready to start your new role here.

Audrey Romagnuolo 02:14
Sure, so I am a benefits coordinator for a law firm in Boston.

Mike Bigelow 02:24
I'm an engineer who was living in Portland, Oregon, and was moving up to Seattle, Washington to support my wife's career change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:30
This is Michael, he's made career changes before but this one was different.

Mike Bigelow 02:34
A lot of the folks I talked to using sort of my normal candles were often saying, "Hey, we'd love to have somebody like you on the team. Unfortunately, we just let three or four people just like you go because there's not enough work to go around anymore."

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:47
Listen to Michael's story later in the episode to learn how we use coaching to help them figure out what fits him and make the change to work he loves.

Mike Bigelow 02:54
You have somebody in your corner who's looking out for your best interest, they're pushing you to be the best version of yourself and to stretch and grow yourself consistently towards that best self.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:06
You have not always worked as a benefits coordinator though, and you have not always worked in HR, necessarily in any capacity. You've done a lot of different things over your career. And I want to go way back here a bit and dive into how you got to the point where you saw the need to change in the first place. So where did, first of all, where did your professional career begin? Let's give people a little bit of color here.

Audrey Romagnuolo 03:38
So I would say where it becomes relevant. I had, you know, a lot of experience in sales roles and marketing positions. I got a job in New York, which is kind of like a, just the mark on the to-do list that I had to do for no more reason than the fact that that's what my mom did. And that's what people from New Jersey did. I got this job in New York marketing in a timeshare industry and hated it. It was boring. The work wasn't very engaging. And although I got to interact with traveling people and a transient guests all the time, I kind of felt stupid and underutilized doing the job, then went back into the beauty and wellness industry where I had kind of began working straight out of college and thought, "I missed the serenity in the aroma therapy of that environment." So jumped back in and I was an entry level, guest service manager, moved, got promoted after hosting a huge event became an events manager. And then we lost three out of five people on our management team and I was afforded the opportunity to dive into payroll and employee relations and some investigations and a lot of benefits and open enrollment and just all of that world of mess, and I absolutely loved it. I fell in love with it because I was able to deal with things that mattered most to the employees. And so it was really difficult once those roles were then filled again, to let go of the tasks that now we're so much more fulfilling than, you know, event budgets and catering management and things of that nature.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:32
So, from working with you a bit, I know that there were elements that you just... were absolutely enamored with, and had a ton of fun with. But overall, eventually something changed. At some point, you stopped having as much fun. So how did that happen? What took place there? What were some of the timeline events?

Audrey Romagnuolo 05:56
You know, in hindsight, I think that this is probably a very common coming of age for a lot of professionals, where as a young person involved in any industry, you feel like, I need to take on as many new things and as many learning opportunities as possible, so that I can then apply those skills later. And kind of, you know, you're adding tools to your tool belt, for lack of better terms. And you finally get to a point where, taking on all that extra stuff, it's wonderful, but you're not getting paid any more for having volunteered yourself into your grave, and you start to feel a little bit undervalued. And it's hard to develop the courage to have those conversations with your superiors, especially when you taking on those kinds of projects. You're torn because you enjoy them. And at the same time, it's now an expectation. And if you're an overachiever, like I imagine many of your clients are, saying 'no' is really difficult, almost as difficult as saying, "Hey, I've increased my value since I started here. And I need that to be reflected."

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:09
Yeah. And I know you had some of those challenging conversations too, along the way. And some of them were particularly hard for you. And but I'm curious, what caused you to be able to get to the point where you were struggling with, even thinking about those conversations and thinking that they could be a reality, and then beginning to have some of those types of conversations, what changed during that period of time?

Audrey Romagnuolo 07:39
So I think that there were so many elements, I think one of the strongest ones was burnout. I was pushing, I was averaging 70 to 80 hour work weeks. I was, I think the breaking point for me was being offered a promotion, and not being offered a raise to go with it. It was essentially like, "Hey, you've been so awesome with this portion of your job, we'd love for you to do it for this new department we've just acquired" but, they showed me the salary, and it was pretty much exactly what I was making. And it was just like, "Okay, this is not working." On top of that, after declining the offer, which I think was one of the harder conversations.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:28
Yeah.

Audrey Romagnuolo 08:28
I'm still being asked to assist with the project and not being compensated for it, which I said 'yes' to, because I was like, I've had enough of awkward conversations. I don't want any more awkward conversations. At this point, I had already known that I'd be relocating. And I was fortunate enough to have this awesome coach who was like, "Hey, take advantage of learning these new systems. And we'll work on getting you out of there." And that's kind of what we did.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:58
Yeah. And I remember a lot of those conversations that you and I had about that exact thing, because at some point along the way, even before you brought us on board to be able to help out. Then you had made the decision you were going to leave. Right? What was kind of the sticking point for you there where you had... what was the final straw, if you will? Because there were certainly some fun elements and some things that you'd really did enjoy. Do you remember what the last straw was before you said, "Look, I gotta get some help here. I made the decision to go."

Audrey Romagnuolo 09:41
Well, actually, I had worked with another counselor on three appointments prior to contacting HTYC. And, she was in the city and she was a huge advocate of the Myers Briggs Assessment, which assessments are a wonderful tool. But I think there are people of a certain mindset who are susceptible to using them, as opposed to deep sea diving into their own desires and wants. And so you're kind of allowing yourself to be placed into a box as opposed to making your own decisions. It felt very box like, and I think it was my third session with this counselor where I questioned that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:26
And I can't imagine you questioning anything after getting to know you, certainly not.

Audrey Romagnuolo 10:33
But I questioned that. And she was almost defensive. And I was like, "Wait, this is... I'm paying for this service to help me get clear. This is the Audrey show. This is not, I love Myers Briggs," you know, so I just stopped going. And then I found HTYC. I heard you speaking on somebody else's podcast. And I reached out. And none of that answered your question. So to say what my breaking point was, I was also in a relationship, a long distance relationship. And it had been a long time dealing with a long distance commute. And I was just the type of woman who was unwilling to move for love. And then finally, the conversation, another uncomfortable conversation.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:29
I'm noticing a pattern here.

Audrey Romagnuolo 11:30
Was having someone who meant so much to me, he asked me, "Why are you choosing something that makes you so unhappy over something that we could create together? That would make us both really happy?" And I didn't have an answer for that. And so I said, "Look, I'm not comfortable moving without a job. I'm gonna work with this guy, Scott, he's awesome. And he looks like you a little bit. I think it's gonna be great." And that's what we did. And then ultimately, I wound up moving anyway.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:00
Yeah. The twists and turns that happened in there. And I totally want to come back to that too. You did end up moving anyways. But it wasn't a small road to be able to get to that point. And that's super interesting that you were on this track, where you were running this as fast as you possibly can. And because you were running down that track, and because it was what was going on in your life, it was almost accidentally forcing you to say no to some other things that were really, really important. Like considering the move in that way.

Audrey Romagnuolo 12:42
Yep, absolutely. I think that was the hardest thing to come to terms with was finally coming to the decision to move without something lined up in advance. But if you know, and for anybody who's contemplating a move, if you have the means to do it, just go, I can't stress that enough, like it is the most rewarding risk you will take, you will be happier in your job search, you will enjoy the process more, and you will be able to commit to it with so much more confidence.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:19
That's super interesting. I've been, not to take us too far off track here, but I've been reading literally every single book that I can find that has a good set of research behind what makes us happy as humans. And so I'm like, I don't know, 10 or 15 books into this. And one of the things that is overwhelming within the research is that, when we make decisions, and then when we take actions on those decisions, we rarely as human beings regret it afterwards. But if we don't take that action, like in this case, it could have been, you know, choosing to never make that move or choosing to wait until you have the job or something else along those lines. You know, that's the situation where it causes regret in the end versus the other way around, versus if I'm actually taking that action. It's absurd because our brains tell us the opposite thing, actually. The other way around is much more intuitive to us. So you took this, clearly, you don't regret it. Clearly it turned out for the best, but I'm curious why you advise people to do that. Push this research aside and say like, what was your personal experience? Because you were going through a lot of questioning about whether or not that was the right decision for you.

Audrey Romagnuolo 14:48
Right. So if I may throw myself under the bus, you know, until HTYC, I never once considered lifestyle in terms of selecting a career path or a job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:02
What do you mean by that?

Audrey Romagnuolo 15:06
How much free time I had in a day was not something that I included in my search, you know, the breakdown in that eight day course it makes you look at, you know, your health and wellness, your relationships, if you, you know, if you have spiritual elements that you wanted to include in your lifestyle, none of those things ever even came into my awareness as things to consider when looking for a job, which, you know, you learn in time is utterly ridiculous, because the truth is, your job is not what matters most. Generally speaking, it's everything else that matters more, the job is just a means to support you living the life that you'll enjoy. And, you know, share with the people that you love. So that was a huge mindset twist for me, was, I'm looking for a much bigger picture than just a vocation that I'm going to do during the week.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:06
Interesting. So then, how did that impact later then that decision? Because it wasn't just one, from what I recall, it wasn't just one and done type conversation, it was back and forth. And you made a go of it, trying to find a new job while you were at this job, your previous job, right?

Audrey Romagnuolo 16:33
Yes, I did. So during my search, and you know, doing all the cold calling, which, if you hate cold calling, don't judge yourself, just don't think about it, just get it done. But it was really hard to manage those things. While, you know, working so much and working these crazy hours and then commuting from state to state. You know, I was crying on the bus ride to work, and then sometimes crying on the way home and, at that point, my most fulfilling days were the days where I completed a task. And rarely was it something that I was doing on my own behalf. So the imbalance just became more and more obvious as time went on. And I was having some really hopeful conversations, and I was, you know, I would get really excited about... I had this conversation with this company, and then, you know, I remember speaking with one company for a span of three months, and everything was positive, positive, positive, positive, and then all of a sudden, they were like, "Oh, sorry, we closed the position, because we acquired another office, and they have two people who can do the job." It was like, just such a huge slap in the face. And I was like, I hate those people. But I moved here and wound up getting an interview with the same company for another position. So, what I would say, why I would suggest just taking the risk sooner than later is, I spent, and this is not suggesting everybody's going to fall in the same timeline. But I spent six months in New Jersey, looking for work in Massachusetts. And then I moved to Massachusetts, and finally made the decision to take the risk and come here and meet the people and be able to go to interviews and see people and things like that. And it took me the same amount of time. So imagine if I would have came here six months earlier.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:41
Potentially could have saved some of those months.

Audrey Romagnuolo 18:44
Correct.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:46
So back in, if you want a good outline for whether or not it's a good idea to quit, and when it's okay to quit, go back to Episode 203 with Mike Goodman, our community success manager, who has also quit jobs along with myself too. And we give you a really good set, a really good set of questions and outlines to be able to decide whether or not it is right for you, because it's not necessarily right for everybody. But if I remember, Audrey, we talked extensively about whether or not that would be a good decision in your case, and from what I remember, please correct me if I'm wrong, you had done a really good job saving some money. So you had given yourself some runway, and that's one of the things that put you in a good position to be able to make that possible. And then also you have done a good job eliminating, you didn't have really, really, really significant amounts of debt or living expenses or anything along those lines. So that made it possible too. And ultimately for the type person you are, I think the other thing that seemed to be really good for you is not having all of this stuff that was bringing you down and draining you that was deterring your focus from being able to make the transition. How did you feel about that after, well, I guess before and after that decision?

Audrey Romagnuolo 20:16
Actually I remember the day that I made the decision to move and it was during one of our Tuesday sessions, and I just remember kind of being like, "I can't do this anymore." like, I need to move. And I just remember divulging like, Scott, this is how much money I have in the bank. Like, this is what I've got to work with, I need to buy a car. I'm gonna anticipate and we actually just wrote a budget and just doing that math, I think you were like, "You have 13 months, like you're losing money, staying where you are." And that was it. That was all I needed was just to budget myself and realize this is totally real. And then, you know, I think that very afternoon, one of my friends reached out to me and was like, "I just quit my job, I'm going to tour across the US for three months." And I'm like, if this girl can quit her job and take a road trip, I can quit my job and look for a job. And that was that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:24
So that was a really big mindset switch, then. So tell HTYCers a little bit more about the losing money in state because I think that was a big mindset switch for you.

Audrey Romagnuolo 21:37
Yeah, so I'm a saver, I like putting money away in the bank, it feels good to look at that number increase. And one of the things I was really afraid of, one, I just didn't want to move here and be dependent on anybody. That was something that I just wasn't willing to do. So I wanted to make sure when I moved in, that I was contributing 50/50 on everything. And the thing is, I'm a crazy person. So my, you know, my partner would have been happy to support me, he would have, you know, relish in the opportunity, but I'm a psychopath. So I'm not having it. I am woman, I need to, you know, be 50/50 on everything. So that was one thing. The other piece was, I was scared of how I would feel watching my bank account just dwindle every month, as I paid my bills. I wound up finding a really awesome deal on a used car. And soon as I got the car, it was in my driveway every day, and I was just like, yep, I'm gonna quit. I'm gonna quit now, because I just wanted to pack my car and leave.

Rebecca Maddox 22:56
There was something missing in my career that I have some skills I want to sharpen, that I wanted a different connection to the work that I was doing. And I was feeling very stuck in my search.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:09
Remember Rebecca from earlier? Well, not only did you feel stuck in her career, but she had some personal struggles, too.

Rebecca Maddox 23:16
I was dealing with a long term relationship and trying to bridge the gap there. But also, I felt like I needed to be in a different setting to really hone my skills in a certain way to get experience and to have a different interaction with my work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:30
When she signed up for coaching with HTYC she gained accountability and direction.

Rebecca Maddox 23:35
Getting the support, getting helping to focus on your goals, and what are some tangible results you can pull out of your goals is helpful. I think preparing in practicing to walk into an interview and having someone there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:48
It help her to get clarity and take action on the career change.

Rebecca Maddox 23:53
And better clarity on what maybe what your weaknesses and strengths are, that are going into your interview so that you're holistically prepared. And to help you see the moving pieces in your search.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:07
Hey! Congratulations, Rebecca, on figuring out what you really wanted and making the change to it. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and make it happen, well, guess what? We can absolutely help. All you have to do is go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on Coaching to be able to apply. Send in your application right now. Or here's the other thing you can do, you just press pause and text MYCOACH, that's MYCOACH to 44222. Pause right now and we'll send over the application right to your phone.

Rebecca Maddox 24:40
Having someone there to could hear what you're saying but then also can see what's in between the lines to pull that out and to get your job search a boost is invaluable.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:53
If I remember, one of the exercises that we did is we went through and step by step figured out, okay, so here's how much you're earning at your current job, which at that time, we felt that you were significantly underpaid for your experience level and what you could bring to the table and essentially the rest of the market. So we said, "Okay, look, we came up with that, you will probably be making around 20-ish thousand dollars moreso if you're changing to a new company, new job, etc, etc. So what is the payback? Or what is the time period in which you can go, one, without running out of savings, and we figured out, hey, it's well over a year. But then the second thing that we figured out, too, is look for every single month that you're staying in here, you are actually losing that new potential salary. By staying in role. Versus, if in we wrote it out on digital paper, I think it was at the time might have been real paper, and we figured out, hey, that, look, if it takes you six months to be able to get a new role, then actually, that's a really good payback, cuz you're gonna make that up in X number of months too and I don't think most people are looking at it in that particular way too. And if I recall, what you said is now that you've made that change too, I think you got what, like a $20,000 increase or something, right?

Audrey Romagnuolo 26:30
Yes it is.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:32
Weird. Yeah, good for you. That's awesome.

Audrey Romagnuolo 26:35
And I did it in six months. So...

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:37
Well, look at that.

Audrey Romagnuolo 26:39
Yeah, we basically forecasted it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:43
It's almost like we've done this before.

Audrey Romagnuolo 26:45
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:46
Yeah. So what do you think the hardest part was? For you in particular, both throughout the, well, let's start with the entire journey.

Audrey Romagnuolo 27:00
I think just coming to the point where I was ready to make the decision, making the decision was actually relatively easy. And I think putting, you know, putting the numbers down on paper actually really helped with that. But making the decision to transition out of the wellness industry, with the understanding that I could continue growing on this ladder, and probably do so pretty rapidly. But I had no interest in it whatsoever. And so making the decision to say, "Hey, I'm gonna go entry level, in a totally different direction." I think, part of the, you know, a lot of the rewiring that was required, I had to in terms of a resume, which I know, resumes aren't so huge, but I'm taking things out of the context of your current role, and putting them in transferable context is way more valuable, especially if you're doing applications online. Nobody cares about the specifics. And so you're the only person who knows the context of what you were doing where you were, if you're not taking the effort to translate that to the industry you want to be in, you're not doing yourself any favors. So that was one thing, because I found myself removing accomplishments on my resume that weren't relevant. And you feel like, oh, but that was awesome. Like, I kicked butt on that or that was great. But it doesn't matter if it's not relevant. So get it off. Another part of the rewiring that was like, really interesting. I had a super huge, I was so embarrassed to say to an interviewer, you know, when they would say, "Why'd you move to Massachusetts?" Like to say, "Well, I moved for love" I was so embarrassed. And I wound up doing it on a phone interview with someone who was interviewing me for something I really didn't care about. And I had other conversations going on. And I just figured let me experiment and just say it, and she was like, "Oh, my God, me too. Blah, blah, blah, blah." And I was like, it's a story. So I started saying it more and more, and I will, I can guarantee that every conversation I've had since both on the phone and in person, in groups, somebody could relate to that story.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:32
Because it's human, right?

Audrey Romagnuolo 29:34
Because it's human. Yep.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:36
If I remember you were, we had many conversations about that specific thing and even other details too, where you were afraid or unsure or very uncomfortable with sharing those pieces of you essentially, which was authentically you. And I would say you are, by far, one of the most authentic people that I know in general, but for, no, very, very true, and I've told you that several times, but it was hard, it was hard one, it was put into the context of, "Hey, I'm going to go and I'm going to change my world. And I'm going to talk to all these new people. And I want it to translate into something that's going to be really good for my career. And what should I share? What shouldn't I share?" So that's so interesting, then that you found that when you were sharing more of yourself, you got a better response from that.

Audrey Romagnuolo 30:34
Yes. Huge insight there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:40
Were there any other areas where you became more comfortable sharing more of yourself in the job search, or interview, or other part of the process?

Audrey Romagnuolo 30:51
Yeah, so it took a long time to get to this point. And it took a lot of conversations, to finally realize that if I didn't like something about a role, like when you get further along in an interview process, and what I've noticed, most of the conversations I've had have been with teams. So it hasn't been just the standard one interview, and then a callback. It's been six people, one day in two hours, or like, whatever. And somebody always winds up asking you, you know, "Is there anything about the job that you're concerned about? Is there anything about the description that you're not interested in?" Like, answer those questions, honestly, I literally had a woman at a company in Boston bring me in, and say, "I brought you in today, because I liked you so much during our phone call, but I really don't think you're gonna like this job. And I just need to know that you're jazzed about it." And she was like, "I want you to go home and really think about this." I'm thinking to myself, well, one, I've never been called to an interview for someone to be like, I don't think you're gonna like this at all.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:59
On the interview.

Audrey Romagnuolo 32:00
Maybe she's, you know, you never know what somebody on the other end of the phone intends for you. So who knows, that person could have you in mind for a totally different role. And if you're not being receptive to the opportunities that are coming in front of you, you could miss out on quite a bit. So don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Even if you feel under qualified, even if you feel like you're not a right fit, because you may sit down. And they might say, "We really... I know you applied for this, but what do you think about this?" and it could be something you totally love.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:34
That is amazing advice right there. And totally counterintuitive, but we've seen that with literally hundreds of people that we've worked with, where when you just as you described will go into an interview, and be frank with them about, "Hey, I'm absolutely loving these parts. Here's the parts I am less excited about" especially as you get further along into the interview where you've already built a relationship. If you walk in, you know, like, hey, this, you know, your job sucks, that's totally, like, don't do that, that's not gonna be helpful to anybody. But as you get further along into that interview, and you're completely transparent with them, then that, more often than not, we've seen has created other opportunities, because so few people out there are willing to be transparent in the way that you were. And I think people connect with that.

Audrey Romagnuolo 33:26
I would also say like, if I can just, you know, bullet this one thing, the more interviews that you do that are outside of what you want, the more exposure you get to other avenues where your skills may be applicable. So I interviewed for, like, an implementation specialist role. In my role in New York, I was doing a lot of training of a lot of older generations on how to use certain tech platforms. And I wound up applying for a position that was called onboarding specialist and in my mind, I was anticipating this to be more of a human resources onboarding function. But when I had the phone interview, they were like, you know, this is more implementation. So you'll be teaching people how to use this tech of one I was like, "Whoa, I never thought in a million years I get an interview with a tech company. This is so cool." I wound up applying for like two other positions like that with different tech companies. So it's just you know, just being a little bit more receptive. I think something I really struggled with during the process was I had such a defined limited view of what my ideal was. And so I wasn't seeing the other, kind of, avenues and opportunities that were out there. And so I was missing the mark a little bit. Like, I picked this one company and I was like, that's the dream company where I wanna be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:00
That's the goal standard, yeah.

Audrey Romagnuolo 35:03
And I wouldn't, like, see anything else. So the hardest part was sometimes just finding companies I was actually interested in based on this crazy standard that I just put on the blackboard, you know? So yeah, just being open. And, you know, by the time I moved here, I feel like working with you gave me more confidence to you know, I was volunteering for events, I was working with the Chamber of Commerce, I was giving my resume to all my friends like, just utterly and shamelessly sharing my story and I can't tell you just how many tips and little tricks and leads I got just by making fun of myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:46
In what way? Now I'm super curious. What's an example of that?

Audrey Romagnuolo 35:51
Oh, my God. I don't know. I'm like when we went to... I volunteered for this event called chowderfest, which is basically just like a really fun contest where a bunch of, so I'm in the New England area chowder is, like, a big deal. But I would make fun of, like, I would start talking in my New York accent and, like, really embellishing it, and I was making the judges laugh so hard. And then it's like, "Oh, my God, she was great." Like, "We know this person." "Who's that?" Like, you just... I was at the Chamber of Commerce. And those events, it's kind of like a lot of people getting together to exchange leads. And here I am this girl with no leads just looking for like, connection. And, you know, yeah, it's a blow to the pride, you feel stupid. It's okay to feel stupid, going to networking events with nothing to offer anybody is hard. It's uncomfortable. Do it anyway, because that's when you meet people who are also from New York. And they say, you know, I know somebody at this company, or I know somebody at this company, or my friends, a headhunter, and this happened over and over again. And I'm still in touch with these people. So you know, it just... it really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:11
That is super cool. So what finally happened then to; One, I know that you had set some standards for yourself, you weren't going to take just anything out there. And as he went through these interview processes, you were looking at a completely differently than the average person, you're really trying to figure out, "Hey, is this role a fit?" And... but what finally happened at that role and company that you accepted, where you said, "Hey, this could be a good thing." How did that happen?

Audrey Romagnuolo 37:47
So I had quite a few conversations where I'll say, and maybe you can help me out here with the right verbiage, but I had, like three different companies that I interviewed with a very young sprightly type of culture with, you know, like, ping pong tables, or, yeah, like that Google inspired office space. And, I think, for whatever reason, in my head, I just thought that that's where someone like me should be pursuing work. But the truth of it is, if I were ever not knowing myself, if I were ever in a position where I had a question about a task that I needed to complete, and I had to wait for somebody to finish a ping pong game, I would lose my mind. It wasn't until walking into the office at this law firm. And, you know, the formal, respectful kind of curt way of communicating that is very straightforward. And just clear and concise. You know, that is way more my kind of style, as opposed to like, I'm not getting anything done in an office with a dog. Like, that's just, this is... you learn yourself, but none of that really made sense to me, until I went to this interview in a more formal environment and actually felt relieved that there was no googly type stuff going on. So I think a part of me felt like because I was young, that should be what I wanted.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:25
That's so interesting, even how you're talking about it in terms of "Hey, because I'm in this category, then this should be" I think, anytime you find yourself inserting the 'this should be' or this is what you know, is some other people's definition or version of what good looks like, then that's more than likely the wrong place for you, whatever it is, and yeah, I know many people that that do enjoy that environment, but that's not for everybody. I wouldn't get anything done in that. Like if you... I know, we can't see, and everything like that. But in the back of me, I've got nothing here. There's, like, floor space and a workspace. And that's it. Because I have ADD, and I get way distracted unless I can focus on the thing at hand. So ping pong. Yeah. But I know many people that just absolutely love that environment. So you learned that that clearly wasn't for you by paying attention to what felt right. And I think kudos to you, because so many people ignore that in the first place.

Audrey Romagnuolo 40:29
Well, the other thing, I mean, I caught myself being disingenuous in interviews, where, you know, somebody would say to me, and the thing is, you know, I am, one of my signature strengths would be adaptability, so I can make pretty much anything work. But in terms of how I like to operate, there were, you know, several conversations where someone would say to me, you know, "How do you feel in the realm of ambiguity?" And I mean, you've had enough conversations with me to know that I am very clear, there's no guesswork with what I'm saying. And I prefer that kind of environment. But I would tell people, you know, that's nothing strange to me. I'm totally accustomed to it, which was true. But that's not what I wanted. So then I would leave, and I would be like, Oh, I hope they, you know, call me back. And then I would think about it a little more and be like, Oh, my God, I'm going to get sick of that in like two months if I go through with this, you know.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:29
That's so interesting, because that is polar opposite of what you described in some of the other later interviews and later interactions, where you were saying, "Yeah, all these areas really fit really well. But there's this one area I'm less sure of, and here's what I'm really looking for." And that is, one, it takes courage to be able to put yourself out there in that way. So that's awesome that you did that. And what most people will not do throughout their entire lives. And instead of the way that we think that we have to interview, which is what you just described just a moment ago, where it's like, yeah, I'm totally comfortable with the ambiguity. Which is true, but not what you actually want. So asking for, for what you want is what I'm taking away from that. Like, when you ask for what you want, you're more, strangely, more likely to get what you want versus let somebody else.

Audrey Romagnuolo 42:23
And just also, you know, adversely being willing to say, "No, that's not something I enjoy. No, that's not something I'm interested in." Because I think ambiguity has become the new hot word. And a lot of companies and, especially, this is just my assessment based on my interviews. I have no backing for this whatsoever, except my opinion. But ambiguity is like a word that I've seen used quite frequently. And to me, that's just like a red flag of, "Wait. So do you know what you're doing? Like..."

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:56
Do you not have your...

Audrey Romagnuolo 42:58
So. I like things. I love flexibility. And I love innovation. But in terms of working, I like to know what it is I'm supposed to produce, who I'm working with on that project, how are we going to get there? Because I'm a point B person, once I know what point B is, I don't care about point A, I don't care about the past. I don't care about anything in my peripheral. I just want to get to be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:23
Yeah. So what advice would you give for people that are back, you know, six, eight months ago, where you were at the time, and in the role that they're not excited about, know that they want to make a change, and they're just on the cusp of wanting to move forward and find themselves and be able to do work that allows them to be much more of themselves?

Audrey Romagnuolo 43:53
I think we kind of all start at the same place, which is I don't like this. I don't want this, you know, it's not like, "Oh, I've been dreaming about this, like you're not getting there by being really happy where you are. So I think a lot of us start in the, "I don't like this place." And I think what HTYC really helps to do is... and it forces you to ask yourself questions that didn't occur to you to ask. And you're working with professionals who have not only been in your shoes, but are really good at helping other people get out of this place. So just intuitively, they know more than you do about this process, especially if it's your first go around. And why not tap into that insight? I think that what kind of made that really clear to me from the very beginning was the eight day program, the email program.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:48
Yeah, we still have around. We've had about 15,000 people through that over at figureitout.co.

Audrey Romagnuolo 44:54
Okay, so that was like more content than I have seen offered anywhere else. And it was just so easy. And it was... but it was so much value added that, like, it was crazy. And that's just the tip of the iceberg compared to what's available.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:18
Well, that is super kind of you to say, and it makes me happy that we get to chat after you've come full circle on this journey. And I'm so excited for you to get into your next role and have fun. And I'm so proud of you for paying attention and putting what you thought that you should be doing or what you thought you had to be doing in any given moment. And putting that aside, because it's not an easy thing to do. And then to start paying attention to yourself, which you are... I cannot wait to talk again, and another year. Just how much progress that you have made just in that one area alone. I'm just... I am just ecstatic for you. And super, super happy. So congratulations again, by the way.

Audrey Romagnuolo 46:07
Thank you, thank you so much for everything and the whole team too.

Scott Anthony Barlow 46:12
Hey, thanks so much for listening to the Happen To Your Career podcast. I really, really appreciate it. And I appreciate you. And guess what? We've got plenty more coming up next week, right here on Happen To Your Career. So take a listen to what we've got in store for you. Next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast

Dan Pink 46:32
What prompts me to go through is probably just a sense of bad reasoning saying, "oh my god, I've already sunk this much time into it. I might as well finish" or probably at another level, "wow, I really looked like an idiot if I started and didn't finish."

Scott Anthony Barlow 46:50
All that plenty more. See y'all next week. Adios. I'm out.

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Designing Career Experiments and Testing New Careers

How to design career experiments

Human beings are designed to want reassurance. Consequently most of us aren’t particularly excited about taking career risks.

If we’re going to make a career change we want to know that we don’t have to “start over” or if we’re going to take the time and effort to pursue something new we want to know that at least a guarantee that we’re going to love it at the end of all that effort.

The bad news is that it doesn’t work that way, there’s absolutely no magic pill you can take that’s going to give you the ultimate reassurance that when you spend all the effort you’re going to see nothing but rainbows and unicorns on the other end of all your hard work.

The good news is we know that as humans we want to have some reasonable reassurance that we’re heading the right direction. That’s exactly the reason that over the years we’ve quietly worked to develop ways to help align our clients and students with life and careers they love (before they actually get there) by test driving and experimenting prior to making the switch.

Ironically ever since HTYC Coach, Lisa Lewis, casually mentioned this idea of designing experiments in podcast episode 147, we’ve had constant questions about how to do this . We’ve been teaching people how to design experiments inside our flagship programs Career Change Bootcamp and Signature Coaching but we’ve never dug into it on the podcast.

Until Now! Take a listen here then read the guide below.

We’ve created 6 different examples of ways you can design an experiment to test drive your potential new career, company, industry, sector, or even the people you might work with.

1. THE “SOCIAL GOLDILOCKS”

Laura Morrison worked in sustainability for nearly 8 years for the same company moving up the ranks. When she finally decided she wanted to change careers later on she felt like she wasn’t even sure where to start. On top of that she felt like she wasn’t even totally sure what else was out there.

That’s why she came to us. As a student in CCB she quickly learned that having lots of comparison in a systematic format can help you quickly decide what direction is the best for you AND help you narrow down the list really quickly.

What does that even mean? Well much like trying all the porridge with the 3 bears and learning quickly that this one is too hot, the other was too cold and this one was just right, Laura connected with and had conversations with 2 groups of people.

  1. Those that were in jobs that she hypothesized that she might like AND/OR
  2. People in companies she thought were likely to align with her values.

This act of “Talking to all of the people in all of the places” led her to have over 20 different conversations.

More importantly she didn’t just learn that she liked mildly warm porridge, she learned she actually like oatmeal with cherries in it too!

Here’s an email from Laura showing exactly what she was able to take away from these conversations.

If you read carefully you may have also noticed one of her (and our) favorite questions to ask is

What makes you good at what you do?

Because it helps you understand what they perceive as the most important pieces of how to be successful at that job, where if you simply ask what is the most important to be successful about what you do, you often get a whole bunch of bull shit about degrees and things that people are “supposed to say.”

Remember you’re not looking for formality, you’re looking to uncover useful information that helps you decide what temperature of porridge you prefer and exposes you to things you never even thought of! (like almond butter in oatmeal…mmm!)

2. THE “AMPED UP FOLLOWUP”

Think of this approach as “The Social Goldilocks” + a bit of “BAM” – Emeril Lagasse style!

If you’re not an Emeril fan then think about it this way:

Mike Bigelow, another coaching client and CCB student of ours, needed to change cities because his wife’s job was moving. He wanted to take that opportunity to be very selective and take a role with a company that he was really excited about AND would pay him over 6 Figures.

First he used a similar approach to Laura by having many conversations as he could in the industry he thought he wanted to be in as much.

Next comes the “amped up followup”: he would walk away from a meeting with a potential employer, after asking what are you struggling with, what are big vision questions you are wrestling with to make the impact you want to make over the next five years, what would make your life easier? Then Mike went and did those things. Unsolicited, unpaid, just for fun.

How did he do this? During the initial conversations Mike would hear someone say “I have this need” or “I need to solve this” He would then ask followup questions to learn exactly why and what was most important, then Mike would go and create a spreadsheet, a piece of code or equation and follow up. Here’s how that conversation would go

Remember that thing we talked about I’ve thought about it, created this thing and I want to give you it for free, enjoy.

Being a hiring manager and seeing someone so affected by a conversation, that listened so well, and so excited about the work you are doing that they go and do the work and send it to you says a lot of exciting things about the contributions that person can make if you bring them into your team.

THIS WORKED INCREDIBLY WELL FOR 2 REASONS:
  1. Mike was able to test drive and experience the work first hand and decide if it was something he had further interest in. (the experiment part of the experiment!)
  2. Almost nobody does this, so it causes you to stand out from nearly everybody else in the minds of his potential future employers.

Through this process Mike ended up building relationships with many people he had interest in working with. It later resulted in both interviews and ultimately several job offers that put him over six figures for the first time in his life.

More importantly than that he learned through the experiments that there were some types of work and companies that he simply didn’t enjoy, saving himself potentially years by helping him narrow down his list (the opposite of taking huge career risks).

3. THE “PAID RESEARCH” APPROACH TO TAKING CAREER RISKS

One of my favorite things to help our students do is to test drive work in paid capacity.

Why? Because it adds a different level of stakes to the experiment. You now are getting an idea of what it’s like to design and deliver an end product or service for someone.

The paid research approach is exactly what it sounds like: You actually do the work or a portion of the work and …[dramatic music inserted here] get paid for it… but typically in a short term format like a project or contract so you’re not locked into it if you find that it’s not for you!

We’ve found that the two easiest ways to start with this approach are:

  1. Freelance on a small project in the area you’re potentially interested in.
  2. Take on a project that exposes you to the area you’re interested in within your current company.

Here’s an example of both of these:

Andrew was working with a marketing company and not totally satisfied with his company or his career. He suspected that he wanted to shift to a particular area of Social Media Marketing.

To test drive this, he took the tiny skillsets he had developed around the fringe portions of his job around social media and began doing that for a friends small business on a freelance basis.

This allowed Andrew to try out and get paid. Most importantly it gave him the answer to the question

“Is this something I want to dive further into?”

In his case it was a yes. He learned he needed certain types of creative freedoms and liked getting paid for it on a more regular basis.

You can do that too. Identify the most likely place where you can get a small project to start with. Where is the low hanging fruit? Do you have a friend that needs this, is there a section in one of the vendor companies you currently work with that needs help? It could be taking a portion of your current job that you enjoy and try to do it on a smaller scale project.

To make this even easier, there are entire websites built around this like Fiverr and Upwork. For pretty minimal time you can get set up there and take on small jobs.

In Andrew’s case he determined that he wanted to learn more about the strategy side of social media marketing and then he went back to his company and expressed that to his boss.

This turned into him taking on additional responsibility which led to him getting to further vet this type of work and ultimately earning him a pay increase.

Boom! Additional paid research!

4. THE “FOOT IN THE DOOR” (VOLUNTEERING)

Volunteering, although usually very helpful to the organization you’re helping out, can either be incredibly valuable to your experimentation OR a huge waste of time!

So how do you do volunteering in a way that’s hugely helpful for you AND them?

Use this question as a guide before accepting or proposing volunteer work:

Will the  volunteer opportunity expose you to the types of work, people, challenges, or  learning that you hypothesize you want to spend more of your time around?

If not, or there’s not a high degree of chance that it will, find other volunteer opportunities instead.

Here’s an example of a volunteer opportunity from our very own Lisa Lewis, a career coach on our team.

She was in a place of deep career dissatisfaction. She loved helping people and wanted to do it more. She had applied to graduate school and taken the GRE, but still had a little fear in her gut pop up saying “are you 100% sure that being a clinical mental health licensed practitioner is right for you?”  

She wasn’t sure, so she found opportunity to volunteer, for free in her spare time, above and beyond the 9 -5 to get a sense of if she wanted to take this on as a 40 hour a week commitment.

She found the organization Crisis Text Line that she had followed for years. They were accepting applicants for their crisis volunteer program. I thought that would be a good way to do the work of sitting with people and holding space for them when they are going through intense painful moments and helping them to become calm and resourceful and to take care of themselves when things aren’t okay.

It was fun for me because I loved that opportunity. I had a glorious time doing the work but oh my goodness by the end I knew it affected me so profoundly and intensely in just four hours of work a week that I knew I wasn’t wired to turn it into 40 hours.

Lisa Lewis

For yourself when thinking about it what are some of the organizations doing the type of work or the sector you are interested in? Do they have anything you can apply for to test out and run experiments to see if that work feels good for you? I’ve personally even done this with professional organizations and volunteering to organize their events, like the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) where I wanted to gain exposure to certain people so I could learn if I wanted to work with them.

5. THE BUDDING EXPERT

I’ve found that one of the quickest ways to become involved with a certain topic, profession, industry or even type of work is to become a member of the media.

I’m not talking about becoming a card carrying member of the Associated Press. Instead I mean by writing, podcasting, creating video, or any other type of media, you can get an inside look at what a particular type of work is like AND if you enjoy it, it can pave the way to future opportunities for you at the same time.

For example, this very blog started as an experimental blog back in 2012. I wasn’t even totally sure what I wanted to do next and suspected that I would have a lot of fun helping people make big life changes and big career changes on a fulltime basis. So I started researching and writing down everything I knew about it. You know what happened from there (or if you don’t here’s the story on episode 100)

Another example is Dustin Hartzler. He started out his experiment by creating a few websites of his own. He found he enjoyed it and his experimentation evolved into paid research by creating websites for friends and small companies who needed them. Through this work he found that he was enjoying WordPress (a popular content management system for websites) he created a podcast and posted it on iTunes to expose himself more to wordpress and further his expertise. (which creating content forces you to acquire) This also brought him even more customers to his freelance operation.

After doing this he had really become a fan of Automattic, the company that created wordpress. This led him to pursue a career working with their company.

What started as an evolving experiment in the podcast, later on became his ticket to get him in the door for an interview when there are thousands of candidates that apply to Automattic regularly.

Dustin did this with podcasts but this can also be done with a blog, essays, articles, videos, a website, and any other types of media.

6. THE LEARNER

This last one is exactly what it sounds like:

Immersing yourself in intentional learning to help you understand whether or not you want to pursue a career direction.

Well the first thing that most people think of college or graduate degrees, it doesn’t have to be this at all.

In fact, I try to talk most people out of doing an advanced degree, not because they aren’t valuable, but instead because spending 30 to 70 thousand dollars and two or more years of your time often isn’t worth it for most people when they still don’t know whether or not that is going to get them to a career that they are excited about.

A bigger reason than the time and money is for most (not all but most) professions and skillsets there are many more less expensive options to get you to the same result. This is especially true now more than ever. Even compared to 10 years ago There are so many more ways and types of education other than just college.

That said, taking a class, course or school can actually save you many years of wasting your life, especially if it helps you avoid a bad career decision. Here’s an example:

Avery was burnt out on her high powered career in finance. She knew she wanted to do something much more creative but didn’t yet fully know what, she decided to pursue something that she had a dream about forever and wanted to explore. She quit and moved to Paris to go to a photography school!

In doing so she quickly realized that photography really wasn’t for her. This might sound like a failure but instead this actually saved her many years of her life as well as not having any kind of regret.

You don’t have to quit everything or move to Paris to learn what’s right and not right for you.

Instead you could start with a single class or by taking a course on Udemy or SkillShare. This can help you understand if you really actually like the subject matter or skillset. Remember to try to apply the learning before you make a decision to dive deeper or not. The appeal of learning something is often different that the application of that same learning because humans are wired to enjoy learning.

DESIGNING YOUR OWN EXPERIMENTS TO AVOID TAKING CAREER RISKS

Now that you’ve seen these 6 examples, you can choose the one that makes the most sense for your personal situation. Or you don’t have to choose just one, you can combine them together. For example doing some freelance work for a company that you met through the social Goldilocks approach.

If you’re not ready to test out an experiment yet,  bookmark this page so you can come back to it when you are.  Also  share this with a friend who might need it!

Lisa Lewis-Miller 00:01
What you're doing is you're creating not only a huge amount of pressure on yourself, but you're also making it such that, the way that you're thinking about and judging the opportunities in front of you is very black or white, yes or no. Whereas, I think what we come to see, especially in people who successfully and happily make transitions is that there's a lot of gray area in the middle, and that it doesn't have to be an extreme one way or another.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Scott Anthony Barlow and you are listening to you Happen To Your Career. The show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. We get to bring on experts like, my friend Pete Mockaitis, who took his love of public speaking and started a training business that helps people and teams sharpen their problem solving. And the people that have pretty amazing stories like, Lindsay Moroney, who derailed her pre-med class, when she found interest in art history and found that being authentic in herself is what truly makes her and many other people happy. And let her do a thriving career. Now, these are people that are just like you, only they've already gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. Today’s guest is a returner, it is our very own Lisa Lewis.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 01:43
Thank you. Always such a pleasure. Hello HTYC fam.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:46
And we're going to get very deep into, how you can try out new career paths with minimal risk in a relatively short period of time. And then when you talk about the six different type of what we call experiments for test driving new careers and then how you can actually choose one and apply them to fit your situation and all of this is so we can help you validate a new career path to move ahead smartly and lead that old baggage behind that we can get going already. And we talked about dead man goals by the way and what they are. Because you don't want them as it turns out. So what they are and instead learn how to make goals that allow you to grow and learn and face uncertainty all at the same time as well as breaking down whether being wrong is actually bad thing or not. And when it is, when it isn't. All right, all that and plenty more in our conversation. Listen for it.

Sarah 02:48
I'm going to be the Operations Coordinator for CASA, which is stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:55
This is Sarah, she has many passions and skills, which actually made it kind of difficult for her.

Sarah 03:01
My whole career type story has been one of sort of bouncing around, because I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I could never figure it out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:10
Listen for Sarah’s story later on the episode. To learn how she used career change bootcamp to help her finally figured out what fits her.

Sarah 03:17
I had the opportunity to really just kind of try to figure it out.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 03:25
And I think that since I tap and we have seen more question about, how do you test drive, how do you figure out something is a great fit for you. And one of the things that I really appreciate, because of my background in economics is the idea of, how do I manage the risks? There is a lot of risk in a lot of uncertainty that comes in making a transition and for the people who come to us like the smart ambitious top performer folks, that's a really important question, because I don't want to be making an ill advised decision. So I cannot wait for us to get into all of the things that we have to talk about today to make as clear and a simple as possible if it's not easy.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:05
So, what we're actually going to do today is we're going to take you through six different ways to designing experiment, six different examples in fact of that we called our 'test drive method' and help you ideally to be able to create and understand how to create and design some experiments for yourself. That is what we want for you out of this deal. But I think in order to do that, we need to talk about why people are so interested in designing an experiment in the first place. And then also, what we really mean when we say designing experiment, as well. So, why do you think this comes out, first of all? I know that we've had a request again and again, but what do you think people have really latched onto this? What are they wanting to get out of the concept of designing experiment? What do you think Lisa? You've heard again and again.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 04:59
Yeah. Well, I think that the people who are in our community are people who are observant and people who are smart and they have seen other people in their network, in their communities try to make career transitions of their own and sometimes that looks like somebody who is burning the bridges as soon as they cross them and they are saying I’ve done with this business, I’ve done with this company, I’ve done with this and had to make something happen that’s very dramatic and they’re very all success to that. Sometimes people are able to make it work and hassle and find a way forward but it feel a little bit more like it is throwing spaghetti at the wall to see if something’s realistic, than something that is so thoughtful and clear and calculated. And so, one of the things that the idea of creating an experiment so interesting and so nice is that it helps you to, I understand what your assumptions are about type of work that might feel really good for without necessarily, you know, betting whole farm on it when you’re making that transition and getting that reassurance and validation is that what you think is going to be really good fit for you, is going to be really good fit for you. So that you don't end up in a situation of moving into a new job or starting of new employer and then realizing that you had your six months into this new position and you’ve accidentally brought all of your old baggage and all of your old complaint and all of your old frustration with you from the old job to the new job. So find a way to move forward that doesn't also bring all your discontent with you and it allows for you to expand and grow and step into something that’s going to be so much more fun for you without having such huge risk and such huge fear around that keeps from making you move forward at all.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:44
That is incredibly important. I also think that, the subtle peace there about moving forward and not... making sure that you're actually bringing the right things versus bringing baggage over into that new career move is possibly the most important piece because I think so many people are interested in designing experiments at least initially from the perspective of their afraid of making the wrong move. And it's very subtle distinction both. That's something that we have worked really hard to be able to help people reframe that idea of right versus wrong when you are exploring and I'm definitely going to use the word exploring. And trying to decide what could be a great career move for you. So how do you think about that whole right versus wrong thing? Because I know you've got very strong opinions on this and we've had many a discussion on.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 07:46
It's so true. One of the things and I think I talked about this a little bit in episode 147 is that when you're thinking about making a career transition in terms of this kind of binary operating system of right versus wrong. What you're doing is you're creating not only a huge amount of pressure on yourself but you're also making it such that, the way that you're thinking about and judging the opportunities in front of you is very black or white yes or no, whereas I think what we come to see especially in people who successfully and happily make transition is, there's a lot of grey area in the middle and then it doesn't have to be an extreme one way or another. But we are complicated new ones multi-dimensional human beings that have a lot of different needs and a lot of different values and desires and figuring out how the best prioritize those in a way that feels really good for you and works really well for you is something that you can't necessarily do between a right and a wrong framework because the answer is going to be the best fit for you, based on what your values are now, what you are family is living now, what you're wanting to grow and expand into and the types of risk and opportunity that you're looking for has to be more nuanced than that. And I also listening to a new podcast the other day. That Susan David was on. She’s a girl who wrote the book about 'Emotional Agility' that is out right now, which is just phenomenal. And she had this content that I thought was so great called 'Dead Man Goals', where she talks about any time in our lives that we are seeking to, essentially avoid being wrong, avoid pain, avoid at falling down, avoid not getting the right answer on the first try are dead man goals because they are essentially impossible for a living breathing sentient being to have. Because if you are going to be trying something new, if you're going to be allowing yourself to growth and space to expand and learn then you have to expose yourself to a little bit of risk at some level there. So, rather than thinking about things on this binary right or wrong framework, I think that the reframe of creating better goals for ourselves around learning and growing and embracing that there's a little bit of uncertainty that's going to be a part of this process no matter what but you can also set yourself up to test and understand that uncertainty better through some smart structured experiments and test drive, like we're about to talk about, it can be really important and the other thing that I think is important, Scott, I got really curious to hear your thoughts on this too, is the idea of wondering what inside of you is pushing your brain towards a right and a wrong framework? Like what is it that you're afraid of in being wrong? Is being wrong a bad thing? Is guessing and not getting it completely perfect the first time necessarily a bad thing? And if it is, what kind opportunities is that limiting you from having the possibility to expand and explore? You know, when we were kids we used to try things all the time and messed up and not get them perfect and it was totally fine and embraced as part of the process of growth and I know that there's so many of our listeners, growth and having more chances to learn and to become an expert and to try something new and to keep having that novelty and that fun of having something come across your plate every day that challenges you and pushes is you, is part of the fun and being alive. And so wondering what the deeper fear is underneath the fear of making the wrong decision is something that I think grappling with can be really helpful and really healthy for anybody who is on the precipice of making a big transition. Tell me what your thoughts are about the fear side of things, the ideally wrong.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:48
You know, I was thinking about that, as you’re talking about it and, you know, I think that, at least in the US, and also a number of other countries too. We have, through schools, through how a lot of companies are set up in the number of other areas created or maybe destroyed, I don't know, whichever way you want to look at it that childlike ability that you’re looking at and we have given and put a whole bunch of reward on being right or doing things perfectly or not making mistakes and unfortunately any type of experimentation which is where you learn impossibly if you're looking at, just from a life growth standpoint like your ability to grow as a human being requires that you're making mistakes, if you're not making mistakes, you are not learning at the highest rate, period. Like one is impossible without the other and if we are... for looking at those two juxtapositions a little bit on one side you've got, hey we are rewarding as a society in many different ways that perfection and that lack of mistakes and everything else. But for us to move along as human beings and ultimately feel any level of happiness on a on-going basis, it requires that constant learning which requires actually making mistakes on a regular basis and especially making big leaps and bounds around our career and what's gonna create a really good situation. It requires that imperfection. It requires that... like going into it and essentially having wrong situations happen in order to do that. So I think we look at that way, you can start to understand why designing experiments or creating test drives are so much more effective of a way because you can go through... here’s the thought process behind all of this. When we do it with our clients, when we do it with our career change bootcamp students, then, you can actually go through and essentially speed up the learning process and that is the intent here is to design an experiment so that you get to learn without having to be in a job for like four years or something else and then it goes spend four years of your life. And in fact, it's even better, I believe it's better and of the interested in your opinion on this too Lisa, but I believe it's better if you go through a bunch of them and maybe you've spent a week or two weeks or a month or maybe even three months, and it doesn't work out, because that means that it's saved you potentially years, many years of your life, especially if you have them and if you do two, three, four or five of those that don't work. Wow! guess what? You just saved like 20 years of your life right there that you now don't have to worry about, which I think it's fantastic when you're looking at it that way. But, what's your take on that side of it?

Lisa Lewis-Miller 15:05
Yeah! Oh totally. I think that being willing to put yourself in a position where you might not be as immediately successful as you want but in a much smaller contain capacity like trying an experiment as opposed to making a big transition into a brand new job where you to start, you know, all of this boiling curve and then realizing after you've been there for whether it’s a year, six months, sometimes even within the first week, but it's not the right fit and you completely uprooted your whole life and all of your routines and your patterns and everything. That's lot of risk to me and that seems really scary and if there are ways that you can just bite off a little chunk of that fear and a little bit of that uncertainty and test it out first to help make really strategically important decisions in the future, then that seems like the best thing you can do for yourself. So I'm excited to get into our six different ways to design an experiment like this, but I think there's a... I want to throw in a curveball here of, if you were needing a pre-experiment experiment, meaning you're in a position right now where you're comfortable in your job but you are not happy, you're not joyful, you’re not experiencing that growth and expansion or what not, but the comfort is really nice and the golden handcuffs of a really nice salary. Feel like it's too good to live then you might even need a precursor to this six different ways to test drive which is re-exposing yourself to opportunities to learn and grow and get rejected and a smaller capacity. So maybe that means going to starbucks and intentionally ordering the wrong drink to remind yourself of ‘Oh this is what it feels like when I screwed up and make a mistake and here's how I can rely on myself and test myself to fix it.' Or let me call somebody in my family by the wrong me to feel that momentary guilt and panic of Oh gosh! I didn't do it right. This is, you know, "wrong" but it reminds me that you can survive that and that discomfort is fine. And that everybody makes mistakes and that, with that, you can gain the trust and courage in yourself and start taking on some of these bigger and better and even more helpful test drives.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:22
I try and make that a part of my everyday life. And I'm curious if you've done things like this too, but even yesterday, I pull the shirt out of my closet, that honestly, I'm not that comfortable in but Alyssa bought it for me and she really likes it on me. So but I kept it around because of that and I put it on in immediately like I felt super uncomfortable but I kept wearing it and did it intentionally because I do not want to get too into my comfort zone because that is where you stop... that's where you stop growing as a human being and if you can devise those small very low-risk things like where in a, I mean what's going to happen if I wear that shirt out of the public. It's not even... like nothing, right? Who knows maybe people will like it. Besides just my wife, right? But whatever that is for you, I think that to your point, there are even lower scale ways to build up to these experiments if that’s something that, that is... if we go through these and if you feel a huge amount of apprehension thinking about any of these, then I would say start smaller with one these even mini experiments.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 18:40
Yeah. Also a quick tale about a many experiment that I did. So I was, as many of our listeners are probably already heard, I was working from Bali for a couple months this year, and one of the things that became an opportunity for me to do things wrong and get rejected was that, in Bali, the traditional way of getting around, their social norms is that almost everybody had one of these sweet little bestfriend like scooters. Everybody. And they use that to go from point A to point B. People barely doesn’t walked there. It’s only the tourists who walked which is sort of funny. But I realize, if I wanted to get the true Bali experience, I just want to have get myself on one of this damn scooter and make it work. And I’ve had a ton of new permitting bullies around myself of, I'm not re-coordinated. I don't have any balance. I'm so afraid of the scooter. It's like a poor sweet ex-boyfriend of mine who like got to hear all of my reasons, but being that a two-wheel powered vehicle, the terrible thing and yet it was something that I needed to go and do to be able to function in this environment. Did how any thing to do with career though? Was it a way that I had to put myself into a high gworth, high learning environment in order to get access to other things that were important to me? Absolutely. And it was a really humbling experience to remember, number one, that I would not actually good at it from the get-go. But number two, I could seek out help. I took lessons. And number three, that I could make it. I could make it at the end of the day and that the things that I believed about myself, we're all just limitations and they were all just stories I was telling myself. I was just as equally capable of driving one of these freakin scooters with just anybody else. And once I started peeling back the layers on my own fear and the resistance and hesitation there and just let my thoughts get in there and cultivated that confident in this other unrelated part of my life. It has spillover effects. And so I hope that for you, who are listening right now, if there is something like that in your life that there's a little thorn in your side of something totally not related to career, but that can help you to remember your own confidence and your trust in your ability to take on something new not be super great at the beginning, find a way forward. Then that's going to set you up a really well for tackling these six items or whichever of these six items resonate most with you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:04
That is perfect. And I'm sure that if you've listened to any of our back episodes, we've talked numerous times about, how you can build tolerance to discomfort and what is uncomfortable now as you build that tolerance over time with things like, riding the vespa when you're not a vespa person or you're considering yourself not a vespa person or wearing shirts that you're not super comfortable with or whatever it happens to be for you then as we do that more and more in your practice, you actually build that much like a muscle. And that once you have done that, things that we're going to talk about right now here with these six different examples become so much easier. Okay. Alright. So let's assume at this point, you've already worked up to that. Now, let's talk through the each of these different examples and we'll give you a little bit of a story to go along with each one here. And help you understand how that they work. So this first one we are dubbing what we proudly call the 'Social Goldilocks Approach'. The Social Goldilocks Approach. What is that? How would you describe that, Lisa?

Lisa Lewis-Miller 22:16
So this one is a tactic that is inspired by a fabulous student and client of ours, named Laura. And she was, so when I think about Social Goldilocks, the name comes from the idea of tasting a whole bunch of different bowls of porridge to see, is it too hot? Is it too cold? Or is it just right for you? So, we think about that, as learn going out there and talking to all the people in all the places. Learn it a fantastic job of identifying all kinds of different sectors, and organization that could be really interesting for her to make her next step. She knew she want to make a pivot, she knew what she wanted to be seeking an opportunity to grow and to have new challenges based on some of our old past skills and past experiences that pivoting them in a totally new direction. So she was willing to put herself out there, be brave and vulnerable and bold and call up people in all kinds of different companies and roles that she was intrigued by to have conversations about what was that organizations culture like, what just a day to day, you know, day on the jobs, day in the life of looks like for an employee who works in that type of a capacity. What are some of the things that they love? And she had fabulous question that she was asking everybody, which I believe and Scott remind me if I'm telling the story incorrectly here, but I believe it something to the effects of what types of skills make somebody's really good at this particular role and when they would tell her, like, oh someone who’s really successful in this role if they are innovative and willing to push the envelope and willing to hear couple notes in order to get and thinks like that. And she could validate that with her own knowledge about her own signature strengths to say, "okay, does this sound like me? Does this sound like they're describing somebody just like me and I have a lot of fun in this type of role? Or are they describing someone that maybe I know, or maybe I could be but not the person that I want to step into being in this next phase of my career." And so she did tons of these different conversations and was able to, you know, start honing and getting closer and closer to that perfect bowl of porridge throughout these conversation. And even as of this morning, I think she has some really fabulous news for us to talk about how that was going and that she is sides in an awesome position because she was willing to have those conversations and seek out people candid honest feedback about what life was like in their roles without necessarily having that same sort of like hungriness in her eyes when she was talking to them and some people have when they think about the typical informational interview. The conversation ended up being much more candid, much for real, raw and honest and that helped her to make so much better decisions about what would feel really good for her.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:15
I think one of the reasons that she did such a phenomenal job at it, is she went into this very curious and looking at it truly as an experiment. She wasn't going into it looking at it as, 'hey how do I get a job at this particular company?' She went into it looking to validate, 'hey do I even like this company? Do I even like this particular role that this person is in?' And really trying to measure that with what she had identified she wants out of life and out of career and then after she got done with the experiment she was able to say, "hey these things line up really well. These other things not so much." And then it was very... the cool thing out of this, is she already done a lot of the work building relationships with all of these companies. So I mean, it was easy for her to be able to go back and say, "Well. Hey there's these two organizations that I'm really excited about. Oh, yeah. I already know people there now miraculously." And then she was able to go through and actually be able to talk to them about roles that weren't even posted yet and you're going to get to hear her full story on a future episode of the Happen To Your Career podcast. So hang tight for that. Lisa's like, Lisa didn't know that so she's like moving her arms up and down. She's excited.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 26:31
Her story is so awesome and it's just so validating to see people that we work with and grabbing the homework by the... like taking the bull by the horns and diving in and then seeing this level of the results. I cannot wait for her to share her story with the HTYC family and community. So get excited over there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:52
And if you’re wondering about some of the back context for how she actually had did this and how she called up people in the companies. Well, it was very simple. She would do a bit of research on LinkedIn to identify who might be the person that she has most interested in talking to and that is fairly easily available on LinkedIn and on the other thing she would do too, is any place where she had a, what we call a weak tie connection, and I think that's not something that we made up but I can't recall who did weak tie connection being. I know Lisa and Lisa is... Lisa has... she works for a company necessarily and I get hired at that company. That's not a weak tie and that's what I'm most jobs come from actually. It's not necessarily from your friends or your family or anything else. In fact, what most roles come from especially the roles that are more hidden if you will, are going to be to be I know Lisa and Lisa know somebody else and possibly that other somebody else knows somebody else too and that's usually what we call a weak tie. It's not somebody that I know rather well.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 28:04
Yeah. It’s from the world of mathematical sociology. It was something that was studied and coined in the 70s, but that has started to really gain more momentum. Especially now in this day age and we have tools like LinkedIn where you can actually map out other people's networks to see a little seek preview of what weak ties someone else might have access to so that you can make a really strategic request for introductions and warm connections to other people.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:31
So think about it, it’s not your first level like connections by your second and third level connections if you're going with LinkedIn terminology. All right, so she did a fantastic job of that because she would identify some of those people that she had weak tie connections with and ask for introductions as well to those people that she actually wanted to talk to. So, that worked out very well for her. Partially because she was building relationship at the same time but the bigger value I think for her was to go through and understand, "Hey, you know what? This porridge is too cold. It's no good. This porridge, it's too hot. Oh, wow. Hey, I've talked to 20 different organizations and it turns out couple of them are really just right. Now, how do I dive deeper there? Now that I'm validated that these organizations, these people, these types of roles are really great for me."

Lisa Lewis-Miller 29:27
And one last thing to jump in and say too there is that part of this process had to be seeing what wasn't great and identifying what the cold bowls of porridge were and that part of this test drive process is again to get the data about what doesn't work for you just as much as what does work for you.

Sarah 29:49
I just really have a thing. You know that I felt like I was really good at. I always called myself a dabbler.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:55
Not only did Sarah struggle with the array of passion but she also had some other sets.

Sarah 30:01
I couldn't walk anymore and bedridden for at least a year, probably closer to two.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:06
After she recovered physically, Sarah begin searching for a job again and struggle quite a bit.

Sarah 30:11
So I felt like I keep having all these falls start which made me feel like I wasn't really building much of a resume. I knew it was too vague, but it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I just didn't ever feel like I could reach higher because I didn't have the "experience", you know, kind of a thing and that's why I think this course really helped.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:31
Sarah’s talking about career change bootcamp, which helped her realize that setbacks could still be positioned to find the perfect job.

Sarah 30:38
You don't necessarily have to have the same job description for 15 years to have it applied to a new position.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:44
Sarah was finally able to figure out what fit.

Sarah 30:47
I'm going to be the Operations Coordinator for CASA, which is stands for a Court Appointed Special Advocate. And then hopefully in the next year, or so bump up to the Operations Manager.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:57
Congratulations to Sarah in finding work fit that she loves. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, well, you can find out how career change bootcamp can help you step by step because well, that's what we do. All you have to do is go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp to apply for next opening and next co-work or you can text MYCOACH to 44222 and will send you over an application and help you figure out if it’s a great fit for you. Paused right now and go ahead and text MYCOACH to 44222.

Sarah 31:35
Being willing to be open to what is your inner self really truly saying to you and not just what you hear everybody else saying, it should be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:46
Well, if you think about like a science experiment too, then generally, before you really, I mean you set up your hypothesis and then generally, you're doing a number of experiments in order to get one set of data that you then move forward with and then publish, right? And it's very much the same here, very much the same here. You’re going to go through a number of things that aren't a fit and that's actually okay. That means you're that much closer to validating what is good thing. So you might go through and talk to five companies and realize wow, these are terrible fits, but then you can have learned from that and realize 'hey, here's why they're terrible fits. Here's what I'm looking for or instead. Now, how do I double down in these areas that are more likely to provide, you know, this whatever it is that I want.' Additional flexibility or the creative freedom to be able to take projects and run with it or whatever it happens to be for you. So yeah great point. Now here's the thing, with the Social Goldilocks Approach that we just talked about, there's a way to amped this up even further and that's the next example that we want to go into here. This and we'll share a story about how this works too. But think about this as, now that you have... now that you've talked to all the people in all the places and you've been able to call up companies and talked about some roles and you determine 'hey, I think I have interest in this but I still would be interested in validating this even further.' How do you do that? What does that look like Lisa?

Lisa Lewis-Miller 33:24
Well, if we think about this as being a scientist in your own life and creating hypotheses and creating experiment. Experiment number two, tactic number two is, the amped up follow-up. And what this was, we had a another awesome client Mike who took a similar tactic to Laura in the Social Goldilocks Approach of talking to a bunch of different people in organizations that he was interested in and he had a much more narrow focus for the way he was thinking about what he was interested in. But what Mike did that makes his follow-up so amped up is that he would walk away from a conversation with a potential employer and during that conversation ask them questions, like what are you struggling with? What are some of the big vision questions that you are wrestling with? Or how to make the impact you want to make over the next year or the next five years? What are some things that would make your life easier and then, Mike went and he did those things unsolicited, unpaid, just for fun hearing somebody say, 'I have this need and here's the thing that we're trying to solve, or here's the things that we're better trying to scope.' He would then go create a spreadsheet, create a piece of code and create equation, create something like that. And then follow up with that person. He might have sent a thank you note right after the conversations to say, 'thank you so much for taking the time I really appreciate it.' And then a couple days or a couple weeks later following up again to say, 'hey, remember that thing that we talked about, I actually have been really thinking about that deeply and I created this thing and I want to give it to you for free, enjoy.' And being a hiring manage, sitting on the other side of that and seeing somebody who was so affected by a conversation that you had, who listen to so well and who is so excited about the work you're doing that they go and actually start doing the work for you and then send it to you, says a lot of really positive exciting things about what type of contribution that person could make if you bring them into your team.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:20
And if you want to hear Mike’s entire story you can go back to episode 174 where we have brought him on but I thought this was so cool. And I've hired, I don't know, six or seven hundred people or something over the last 10 years. And I have very rarely seen people do something like this and it makes some massive difference in both impression. I mean just like you said, think about it if you're the hiring manager, somebody comes to you and like 'hey, you know that thing that you told me was really valuable to you but you just didn't have time to get to or your team doesn't have the bandwidth right now. So I went ahead and did it.' And you already know that in Mike's case, he already knew that it was going to be incredibly valuable because he had taken the time dig deep enough. But here's what... here's where it was even more valuable than creating really positive impressions. I think what was even more valuable is, he told me in multiple times where he did some of that work and realized, "Wow. I don't want to do this. This is not something that I'm interested in" and realized that if he was spending large amounts of time doing that type of work, it wasn't going to be a good thing for him and that happened once or twice throughout the process and that was, I think far more valuable in some cases sparing him years of potential grief in roles where he was stuck doing that on a more regular basis than even the small type of positive things that he learn out of that and he did get some very good reinforcement too and of course built some massive relationships through this too. Because again, nobody does, this very few people do this, even though you know, we're trying to change that.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 37:09
Yeah, and there are so many people who, I think come through our doors and send us emails every day saying, 'I'm not sure if I'm going to like the work' and what an easy way to talk to somebody, hear about what they're really needing and then give yourself the time and the space to, without their knowledge, without their pressure, try it out and see if you enjoy answering the call, answering the need of what they have or what they requested and if the answers yes then boom. The bad takes time of agonizing and tons of number questions off of the table and validates for you that hey this could be a really great for me. And this was fun for me and this one context and I bet it would be fun for me if I get to solve problems like this even more.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:54
You know, here’s what really interesting too. I have had about out of those six or seven hundred people or whatever that I've hired. I had about three people that have actually done this. And out of those three, two out of the three really did not, they didn't do the project as what I would have expected as paid for. Like if I'm being really honest, like if that project would come in and we were paying them a hundred fifty thousand dollars a year or something like that, then I would have been less excited about it, but I wasn't expecting it. It met sort of the minimum need and what if I was paying a hundred fifty thousand dollars a year for that. What would have been a subpar project potentially in my mind was now like way above expectations and that's the... because of where my expectations were set at the beginning. So it's really interesting and I bring that up only to say that it doesn't even have to be perfect work because I think Mike could have labored on this for really long periods of time and then gone through his head and said, "Oh geez! It's just not good enough yet. I can't turn it in." But instead, the more valuable thing was he got to try it out, he got to understand all the learnings that came from that, decide, hey, is this something I want to dive further into? Yes. No. Great. Fantastic. I've got my learnings. And then, you got to add something that was really valuable because it exceeded expectations from the beginning which were zero.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 39:25
Yeah, absolutely such a cool way to make a lasting impression on your potential future employer. Speaking of ways to make lasting future methods on future employers, shall we go to test-drive experiment number three?

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:41
Let's talk about it. This is called 'freelance experimentation' or we like to think about it as the 'Paid Research Method.' Here's an example. Let's take Andrew and his story. So Andrew was working in different types of social media marketing. Well, he's working at a few different types of marketing period apart of that was social media. He was not totally satisfied with his... not only satisfied with his company, not totally satisfied with his career. So he had determined, "Hey, I know something's wrong here. I don't necessarily know exactly what it is that I want to be doing and where I want to double down." And so one of the things that he did is he actually started taking some of the tiny bits of skills that he had developed in his role around the French portions of his job with social media and began doing that for a friend's company on a freelance basis. So he was helping his friend, he was getting paid what felt like a small amount to him. Although we figured out later. Actually, it was really high dollar per hour value because it didn’t take him a lot of time because in this particular case one of the things that he learned was he really liked having some additional creative freedoms, and he got a couple other learning to, how to doing this. But the really important part for Andrew, more valuable than anything else was that he had another outlet to be able to design an experiment around and this is something that allowed him to be able to try it out and even get paid of it for it and be able to say "hey, is this something I want to dive further into? And based on the learnings that I have, how do I want to dive further into it?" And in his case, it was a yes, I absolutely need the dive further into this because I’ve learned that, I need to have some of these creative freedoms and I have learned that you know what, I actually like getting paid for doing this thing on a more regular basis. So that's something that you can do too and being able to go through, identify a place where you can get a very small project to start with and think about it as a, where are the low hanging fruit? Do I have a friend that needs this? Do I have, you know, is there a section in one of the companies from the vendors that I happen to work within my current company that’s need a little bit of, whatever it might be, whether it's social media, whether it is, you know, some other skill set on its entirety, whether it is taking a portion of what your current job is and that you already think that you’re enjoy and trying to flesh that out on a smaller scale project. Also, there's actually entire websites built around us like Upwork and Fiverr, where for pretty minimal amounts of time, you can get set up on there and begin taking on small jobs.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 42:41
Yeah. I love it. And that something you just sort of touched on that I want to flush out is the idea of this paid research or this freelance experimentation tactic and applying it within your own current employment because if you already have a job and it's, you know, it's like a 7 out of 10 on the scale of what you're looking for, and you wanted to be a 10 out of 10 and you like the culture, you like the organization. They're totally ways to make an internal change, an internal pivot to try out something brand-new, you know, in the government, I think they call it a 'detail' where you get to swap over into a new Department. Try out something that is an expansion where your past background and everything that you know about the organization can be brought in and applied in different way. For then, you're getting paid to do work in your 40 hour-ish a weak position, but you're getting the opportunity to develop new skills, try something out to see if you like it and it can then create the springboard on the platform for you to make a bigger transition if you don’t love doing it inside of your current organization wants to go elsewhere, or can be really easy simple seamless way to solve the question of feeling unfulfilled, itching brand new challenge, itching for something bigger to have an impact on within your current organization with minimal disruption to the rest of your life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:05
I think that's incredibly valuable because usually the mindset around people once they get to the point where they know that they don't want to be in their job anymore is I don't want to take on anything else. And when you get to that mindset where you're frustrated by one element or another, it closes you off. Just having that mindset alone has a tendency to close you off from opportunities that are right in front of you like what you’re talking about, Lisa. And when you get close off to that, then you totally miss those opportunities because almost every organization in the world is going to be willing to say 'hey, yeah. You can take on an extra project, sure. You want to do more and it's going to be valuable to the... or yeah. Okay. I think we can make that happen.' There's typically going to be someplace where you can cross over and try something out and it doesn't have to be huge either. What do we have up next? Ooh, this is a good one. So next up we have, getting your foot in the door through volunteering and you have a story that you have done this before as well.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 45:17
Yeah, and if you have listened to 147, this is probably a little bit of a rehash here, but the quick story is for my foot in the door volunteering experience. I was at a place of deep career dissatisfaction and trying to figure out what was next for me and I knew that I loved helping people and that I wanted to get an opportunity to do that deeper and further and I had applied for grad school, I take the degree, I'd apply for grad school to go and become a mental health counselor. But 24 hours before starting grad school, I had this little fear pipe up inside of my gut that said, 'are you are a 100% sure that being a clinical mental health licensed practitioner is the right way for you to do this?' And the answer was, no. I wasn't sure. And so what I did was I found a, you know, straight off the rack opportunity to do some volunteer work for free in my spare time above and beyond the 9-5 to get a sense for, do I really want to take this on as a full 40 hour a week commitment? So I found the organization crisis text line, which is an organization near and dear to my heart that I had been following for years and saw that they were accepting applicants for their crisis counselor volunteer program. And I said, you know that sounds like as good a way as any to actually understand what it would be like to do the work of sitting with people and holding space for them when they're going through really intense painful moments and helping them to become calm, become resourceful, understand how to take care of themselves in moments when things aren't okay. And it was funny for me because I love that volunteer opportunity. I had such a glorious time doing that work. But, oh my goodness, by the end of that what I knew was that it affected me so profoundly and deeply and intensely in 4 hours a week of work that I knew that I just wasn't wired in a way that I could take that and turn that into 40 hours a week of work. But for yourself when you’re thinking about this foot in the door volunteering, what are some of the organizations out there that are doing the type of work or in the sector that you're really curious about. Do they have anything that is also rack that you could apply for to, again, test out and run an experiment, be a scientist in your own life to see if that type of work feels really good for you. I have a fabulous coaching client Angie right now who is working at doing something similar with a couple of organizations that she really admires who are needing people to step into some different communications capacities and she has such a gift for communicating and being really sensitive and thoughtful especially half way to topics, that she's found a couple organizations who need exactly what she has and now it's this process of matching up what she can do with what they need in a free capacity to see if it feels good and then developing those relationships that can then help her to turn that into a more paid capacity.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:19
That is awesome and I think that one of the, as you're talking about Angie, one of the things that occurs to me is with all of these, one of the commonalities is you can't allow the ambiguity here to stop you from trying. And I think that's what many people will think of, "but how?" well, you know, starting just like with Angie in that particular case, she took a little bit of what she knew and applied that to try and identify some of those organizations and then now it's going to be a case of approaching some of those organization and you know what? Some of them I'm sure are not going to work out and that's totally going to be okay. And that is actually part of this process which leads right into the next example too and this is something that, I think because we have a podcast and we have a website and blog and things like this then we've had a number of people become interested about and email us about, and this is what we've now dubbed officially the body and expert method and you think about this as developing expertise through different types of media. So think about this as well an example, like starting the side project with a podcast. That's what I did. That's how this business came into being a way back when. Now it could be also starting a blog. What's crazy to me is how many doors open up and how many people you get to talk to when you make yourself a member of media in anyway whatsoever? Which means, you get access to information that other people don't get to have necessarily, which means you get learning. You also get you know stuff that potentially doesn't work out too. And it's no small effort out of all of these, I would say that this is possibly the biggest ever or could be potentially one of the biggest efforts. But what it does for you is allows you to essentially trial and error building expertise in a particular field or area and through a blog, through a podcast, through another type of media could be, you know YouTube channel or developing videos. There’s lot of ways to be able do this but establishing yourself as an expert and forcing yourself to learn and forcing yourself to talk about others and putting yourself into the world in that particular way, causes you to evaluate what are the great areas about what you're considering and what are the things that don't jive with what you're considering and even if you are not actually doing the work you're developing expertise in the high degree of knowledge about the work and many times you get enough information to be able to make a good valid decision from there. What do you think about this as you think about this, Lisa? because you’ve been around a lot of people that done this sort of thing.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 51:30
Absolutely. Well, and it's interesting to think about it in terms of you, Scott, because had you not started the podcast then you wouldn't have started to be recognized as this expert in the career change space, you know, you wouldn't have two of the top ranks career change podcast in all what I do. And that might have meant that this business didn't exist. Where does this is a totally different way and it all had to do with you being brave and courageous and doing something without knowing what the turn would like to be from it just because it was going to be fun for you and, you know, what an incredible life, an incredible chapter of your career, what incredible changes you've been able to create on other people's lives because four years ago, you and your friend Mark were being goobers and goofing around on podcast that wanting to record your conversation.

Scott Anthony Barlow 52:23
Oh my goodness. Yes. And you know, what? Here's another and I appreciate that very much. And it may not have worked out and actually even prior to the podcast was started on a blog which truly was set up as an experiment and that way to decide, "Hey, do I like blogging? Is this something that potentially could turn into a business in this particular expertise?" What was the original blog, happentoyourcareer.com was designed as an experiment. It was just a really simple setup and somebody else who's done the same sort of thing as well, if you go back to our archives and let's see Dustin's episode. Dustin... and I'll look up the exact number here, but he actually developed a podcast around helping people with WordPress. Which WordPress if you don't know it's kind of like the back end of most websites that are out there in the world and it's a content management system. Think about it that way, like it stores all the pictures and how the pictures get put together with the words so that when you show up on the website it actually looks with that is supposed to look. So he did this but then as he went through and as he continued to create many different episodes of the podcast, well, he had decided he wanted to make a career change. He was having lots of fun with this and eventually got hired by the company that makes WordPress because he had such a degree of expertise in it, which that company is. It was founded by Matt Mullenweg and it’s called, I can't remember what it's called. Oh it doesn’t matter, anyway, go back and check out Dustin's podcast and he's a great example of that particular method as well. But we have another one coming up too.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 54:06
Yes indeed. So for experiment test drive number six of you keeping score at home. Number 6 is, sort of like intuitive and simple but one that sometimes people don't think about but just taking a class and I think about this as the Avery Roth which is one of the coaches from our team who also have the past podcast episode. And she was really curious about exploring being a professional photographer and learning how to create that level of beauty in the work that she was doing so she enrolled in photography school but going and totally quitting your past job and starting yourself full-time into school doesn't have to be that extreme for a way to run your own experiments. It could be taking a class on udemy or coursera or one of these other platforms that offers books or gives people an opportunity to put a specialized program from a specialized instructor online like skill shares of the world. And it could be taking class in person honest-to-goodness going and putting your butt in a seat at a community college or at a community center around and learning about whatever the thing is that you're really curious about. Maybe you have the secret dreams of starting your own jewelry store. I have a client who watched her own Etsy store at baking handcrafted artisan jewelry and it’s phenomenal. If that's something that's intriguing to you. Well, she took a ceramics class, and she's loving her ceramics class and making all these cool little bits and bobs and then started turning them into beautiful gifts and art pieces. So taking a class in something that you're curious about can be a fabulous way to test drive. Do I like this? Do I enjoy doing the work? Does it resonate with me? Does that feel good with me? Or is this something where, for the cost of whatever my tuition was, one college credit or one month's worth of Thursday afternoons, I've learned that this is fun. But this doesn't really feel like something I'd want to be devoting 40 hours a week of my time in my life too.

Scott Anthony Barlow 56:15
That is amazing. First of all I didn't know about the Etsy store. So that's even better too. As you're hearing all these different examples, all of these different stories. Here's what I would encourage you to do. We have realized after helping, at this point, thousands of people make really big life changes because that's what career changes are, there really big life changes, massive life changes, if you really look at it. And doing so, we've realize that in order to do that, it is much more about the marathon not necessarily the sprint which means that you have to be able to develop momentum. So I would look at this and if you heard one that like yeah, that sounds way easier to me or I like that one, or I can get excited about that other one or I see a way in my mind for how I can make that happen. I would advise you to just go head on into that one, stop considering and what we've also learned is that, when you get stuck in your head when you are trying to evaluate 42 different ways to be able to decide exactly how I do this experiment then that's going to cause you to know experiment at all. And then you're not going to be able to learn anything and that defeat the whole entire purpose. So I want you to be able to begin building that momentum because once you realize like how easy this can be and how much and how valuable the learnings you get from it can make the rest of your life and your career, then you'll want to do this more in different ways and then carry it to other parts of your life too. What advice would you have for people as they're thinking about designing their first experiment and how to go about this, Lisa?

Lisa Lewis-Miller 58:02
My biggest advice is something that we actually wrote about in an article on the news a couple weeks ago, which is that, fear really likes to paralyze you from taking action and one of the coaches that I love and that I have learn from Todd Herman says “fear cannot paralyze a moving target”. So the gauntlet that I would throw down, the challenge I would throw down with you listening all the other side over there is, how can you start to put yourself into motion? You know, just because something is hard does not make it inherently more valuable or inherently better. Sometimes easy first steps are a great way to get that momentum train rolling and really start to help you develop that confidence and trust in yourself to be able to take on bigger and bigger challenges. So we've outlined these six different tactics. The Social Goldilocks, the amped up follow up, a freelance experimentation, foot in the door volunteering, budding media expert and taking a class approach. And so I want throw down the coaching batlet with you listening on the other side, dear wonderful listener to say, "which one of these six feels like the right thing for you right now? It would be easy and what can you do before you move on to whatever the next thing you have for your day before you go into the office for work, before you shut this off to go to sleep tonight?" That’s the one thing single micro babies that you can take right now to move yourself closer towards accomplishing and achieving one of those things. Is it writing one email to somebody to have a coffee conversation? Is it looking of classes that are near you? Is it going to the organizational website of your favorite nonprofit or your favorite company that you've been following and sending them a pitch or sending your application to do a volunteer project. Is it going and putting your account up on Fiverr or Upwork? I want to turn all this great knowledge into action because that is one of the biggest things that we see differentiates this people who successfully, happily make these transitions from the people who are constantly consuming more and more information and using the knowledge seeking as a delay tactic and as a way that their fear is secretly popping up and derailing their progress.

Scott Anthony Barlow 1:00:23
And we don't like derailing progress as it turns out. We like the learning, we less like the you know, derailing progress. That is phenomenal. So here's what I would encourage you to do. Pick one of those out and if you want to be able to get all of those stories that we shared and all of the people that we've talked about and to be able to see it in one nice little PDF download, then go over to happentoyourcareer.com/206 and you'll have everything about this episode and can also download the full thing in sweet little PDF that way you can take it and use it as first to design your own experiment and make it happen as it turns out.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 1:01:08
I love it. And Scott one other thing I want to throw out there is, if you're committed and you want to make a change and make it happen, one of the things we talked about within the article we wrote for The Muse is getting accountability and telling people that you're doing this things. So if I can personally be the accountability buddy through you and you guys want to send me an email at lisa@happentoyourcareer.com and let me know which of these challenges you’re going to take on at what the first step is, I would be so honored and so excited to get to support you, cheer you on, add any other resources or suggest any other things that might help make this faster and easier for you that I possibly can. So I want to offer that up as an opportunity for those of you who are serious about making a change because we would love to be a part of your success story.

Scott Anthony Barlow 1:01:55
You heard it here first. I absolutely love it. lisa@happenedtoyourcareer.com. Lisa thank you so much for making the time. You are in Hawaii, by the way, we didn't tell that at the beginning but all the birds and everything that you've heard in the background. Yeah. She's just hanging out in Hawaii, you know, normal Tuesday.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 1:02:14
Scott one thing I actually was thinking about with being in Hawaii is that, has been a part on this journey when I took my work and turned it into something that was location-independent. What I thought was I really have to be apologetic. I'm so sorry. I'm in Hawaii but making actions really challenging and you know, I really wanna take care of you, but I'm actually asleep during those hours. And well, I recently realize is that the more that I hide from the accomplishment of the fact that this is the work that I created, the more that I, as a coach, may not be sending up to my own values and my own integrity as having my clients, you know, shouts who they are from rooftop and own it. So thank you for giving me an opportunity to say that I'm actually really proud of all of the ways in which I transition my business from being based in Washington DC to being something that I could take with me and travels that I could honor my values of spending more time with friends and family who have so graciously scattered themselves across the globe. And getting to take it more advantage of the adventurous side of myself and has it been challenging? Oh, yes. I am sure that there are students in CCB who are, you know, have felt a challenge of not being able to get an immediate reply for me and having it come in 12 hours or 24 instead of in 20 minutes, like man to be able to find ways through to live this life and to live it on my own terms and to treat this almost like my own personal career experiment or could I continue on and be location independent? And could I create a coaching practice where I coach from a different continent every couple months and find ways to help bring the minimizing of career dissatisfaction and the optimizing of career happiness to new people, new markets, new environment is so fun and so exciting for me. So imagine you two probably have examples of ways that you're running this little career experiments and being a scientist in your own life to this day and in this moment. So thanks for giving me a moment where I could step into my own integrity and own that it's been real hard work. I've had to get up really early, really crazy hours at points all throughout this journey, but for me to get to serve people and help people in the way that I want, in a way that allowed me to 100% myself has been the most validating awesome cool thing to get to accomplish and now be able to talk about and help other people get to do too.

Scott Anthony Barlow 1:04:51
We've noticed a funny phenomenon. We all have something we'd love to do or accomplish or be that is wildly unrealistic. For some people, that's starting a business for the first time. For us still others, it's making a career change to something that you know you'd love, but really just doesn't seem possible. So if you've ever thought you wanted to do something, but thought, "I don't know, if that's realistic." then I want you to ask yourself this question, what if it was possible? And what if the only thing unrealistic about what you really actually want is that you think it's unrealistic? See here HTYC, we've been helping people do the impossible since we started in 2012. And on January 3rd, we'll be releasing a three part podcast series on the behind the scenes of how we help people, just like you, make wildly unrealistic career changes. And if you're not already subscribed to the podcast, we want to make sure that you do that right now on your podcast player of choice or go to our website so that you can make sure that you're going to get this as soon as it releases on January 3rd. That way, you can stop settling and go after what you really want in this new year. It's going to not be like anything else that we've ever released before. So take a look out and make sure that you're subscribed or subscribed to our email list so that you'll get the series as soon as it drops. That way, you can stop settling and go after what you really want in this new year. And guess what, we've got plenty more coming up next week, right here on Happen To Your Career. So take a listen to what we've got in store for you next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 1:06:36
You know, when you think about getting to be the boss of your own life, and all the different ways that you could fill those needs, within a fairly limited brainstorm of just trying to optimize for those two things, money and flexibility. You can come up with some wild and exciting and really expansive possibilities and ideas for yourself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 1:06:58
That's right, all that and plenty more next week. It's here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you next week when the episode releases on Monday. All right. I am out. Adios.

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Making Difficult Decisions Easier Every Time

What is your system for making really difficult decisions?

For most of us, it includes pros/cons lists, collecting information about it thru research and of course the old standby: avoiding the decision and putting it off at all costs.

While I’ve been there (embarrassingly I didn’t choose my Best Man until the day of my wedding… then he had to make a speech on the fly), we know that pushing off difficult decisions ends up in worry, stress and really just isn’t that helpful to anyone. (Sorry Brandon!)

And what about the smaller decisions?

You know, the ones that are easier to make but eat up your energy and bandwidth throughout the day!

Ever heard of decision fatigue?

WHAT IF YOU HAD A SYSTEM TO HANDLE ALL OF YOUR DIFFICULT DECISIONS?

(At least the decisions that don’t involve selecting toothpaste, picking which brand of all natural peanut butter or deciding which restaurant menu item seems to be more healthy.)

How much easier would life be?

I bet you’d have less worry, stress and freaked out Best Men on your wedding day!

Plus, of course the added benefit of making better difficult decisions.

This is exactly why we brought on my friend Pete Mockaitis of “How to be Awesome at your Job”.

Pete has a two-step decision-making framework that he uses as he’s trying to optimize a career (or life) decision in front of him.

If you could use a stunningly simple and wildly effective system to make these difficult decisions, keep reading.

PETE’S 2-STEP DIFFICULT DECISION MAKING FRAMEWORK

PART 1: IDENTIFY WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU.

The first part of Pete’s framework asks you to cut to the heart of the matter when weighing a potential decision. He asks:

What must be true for this to be a good move, good decision, and wise path? What are the key ingredients?

Let’s break this question down for a career move.

Let’s say you’re considering accepting a new job offer. You’re comfortable in your current job, but not elated, and looking for the next opportunity to grow and stretch you that also meets your needs in terms of flexibility and income. You have the flexibility and freedom to be picky and choosy for an ideal next step in your career path, and you’ve just started interviewing for a company that caught your attention.

If you pose yourself the question of: “What must be true for this to be a good move, good decision, and wise path?” you can see the key ingredients, based on the assumptions above about what I want, are:

  • Will this opportunity stretch and grow me in ways I’m excited about?
  • Will I get more flexibility in this next role in the ways that are most important to me?
  • What kind of salary will I pull down here?
  • Will the work be at least as much fun as what I’m doing now?
  • What are the other tradeoffs (visible and invisible) involved in taking this opportunity?

Once you outline the questions, they are much easier to answer.

Some of them, you already have the knowledge or information to be able to answer, like “how long would the commute be?” or “. Some of them require you listening deeply to your gut instinct.

For other questions, though, you will need to do more research and due diligence work to get to the answers, like “Will I enjoy working with this team?”

To wrestle with questions like that one, that’s where Part 2 of the framework comes in.

PART 2: VALIDATE BEFORE YOU TRUST YOUR GUT COMPLETELY.

For the questions where the answer isn’t obvious, pose yourself this follow-up question:

“How do I test those things? How do I get a sneak peek or preview to see if it is the case?”

For example, if your success ingredient is that the new job opportunity must be more fun for you, but you don’t have enough data to know if that’s the case, asking yourself “how can I test it?” can be a powerful question.

Some ways you can test if a job would be fun for you include:

  • Doing some of the tasks it will require of you on your own
  • Asking if you can shadow with the team for a full or half day
  • Doing the job in a freelance or contract capacity before upgrading to permanent full-time employee
  • Write out a list of all the things that have been fun for you to do in the past and see if there’s overlap with the responsibilities in this role

Taking the time to test it out now before you make a big move can help you counter some of the risk of making a transition, and also give you more street cred and relevant experience to bring into the next job or opportunity you pursue.

With this framework, you can start approaching difficult decisions in your life with a new sense of confidence and assuredness that you’re gathering the right information to make a good decision for you.

If these ideas get you excited, comment below and tell us: what difficult decisions in your life are you agonizing over? When you apply this decision-making framework, what kind of questions do you need to test and validate before you decide?

How to turn a Conversation into a Mutually Beneficial Opportunity

Let me tell you about the best possible problem to have in your job search.

You know exactly what you want in your next role.

You know the priorities you are looking for in your future employer.

You’ve developed some warm introductions and relationships with individuals who work at an organization that intrigues you.

In fact, you’ve even spoken to several people who work there, and have validated that the company would be a fantastic fit for your strengths and your priorities. This would be a mutually beneficial opportunity for both parties. 

But then…what’s next?

How do you confidently evolve the relationship and open up an opportunity for yourself without feeling like a sleazy used car salesman?

If you’re lucky enough to be struggling with this exact dilemma, today’s episode of the Happen to Your Career Podcast is for you.

One of our Career Change Bootcamp students, Laura, sent us this question:

I’m really interested in a particular company and I’ve now spoken to four people who work there. I’ve gotten really good at being genuinely interested in learning about roles and companies without actually “asking” anything…But now I want the job… so how do I graciously and not awkwardly shift the conversation from tell me about what you do, to… you should hire me because?

Laura

Dimensionalizing your relationship with contacts at a company can take some elegance and finesse — you definitely don’t want to change the vibe from being “exploratory and chill” to “hungry and aggressive.”

You didn’t get your spouse to marry you by turning on the intense “lifelong commitment” conversation laser beams on date #2, did you?

Take the same approach in slowly and gracefully evolving your relationship with strategic contacts. Instead of putting desperate “hire me” energy out there, you want to treat them like a partner and trusted advisor.

Imagine how differently these two conversations feel:

“Hey Mike: I had a great time talking with you about your experience working at Facebook. But I’ll level with you: the only reason I’m actually here is to get a job. So, how do we make that happen?”

Versus:

“Hey Mike: I had a great time talking with you about your experience working at Facebook. Thanks again for making the time! Your candid perspective on the challenges of the work-life balance and how you’re able to make it work was incredibly helpful, and upon reflection, I could really see myself thriving in a work hard, play hard environment like that. One of the things I’ve gotten great at over the years is efficiently taking care of my stakeholders so they get what they need without my needing to be online 24/7. I’d love your perspective on what next steps I ought to take to make working at a great company like Facebook a possibility for me one day.”

Notice that there are such subtle differences in the approach, but each communication creates a different set of possibilities — and different likelihood that Mike is going to hook you up.

After all, everyone is willing to do more to help someone they know, like and trust than someone who rubs them the wrong way.

To break down what worked or didn’t work in the above mock conversations so you can replicate it for yourself, here are the key principles of deepening that conversation, along with some sample pieces of language straight from the episode that you can use to dimensionalize your relationship with a potential future employer and make it mutually beneficial for both of you:

LEAD WITH GRATITUDE:

“Hey I really appreciate you making the time for me the other day. I learned a lot about your role.”

FOLLOW-UP WITH A SPECIFIC COMPLIMENT THAT HIGHLIGHTS SHARED VALUES:

“I loved ABC about your organization.”

“I had a conversation with you a few days ago, and I enjoyed it and I can see working with you.”

“I really appreciate your sense of humor and how you talk about your employees and that clearly they matter to you. That shows and is a big deal to me too. I found myself realizing after I left the conversation that I would be excited to find out how I can work with you. Or at least exploring what that can look like.”

TREAT THEM LIKE A PARTNER IN YOUR MISSION TO FIND AN OPPORTUNITY THAT FITS:

“I know you have roles open now. I don’t know if they are a perfect fit but I’d love to ask your advice. After meeting me and understanding what I’m after and great at, I’d love your perspective about what I should do if I want to work with you. I think it would be a ton of fun on your team and what you have lines up with what I’m looking for, which is ABC.”

“What do you believe I should do here? How do you think that could look?”

“From your position, I know you have roles open and I’m really interested working with you and your company. I was coming into the conversations trying to figure out what would be a great fit for me, and I am enamored at this point and I think it would be a ton of fun to work here. What advice would you give me? How could it be possible?”

AFFIRM YOU HEARD WHAT THEY NEED AND CONFIRM YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES THAT SHOW YOU CAN HELP:

“One of the things I did in my past roles I absolutely loved was being able to take the customer situations and turn them around to double our revenue with those particular other customer organizations. I love that, it sounds like what I would be doing, and it was one of the most fun parts of my job.”

CLOSE POWERFULLY:

“Let me know what you think. I’m looking forward to hearing your perspective.”

“Thanks in advance for your advice — would love to know your thoughts!”

Want to ask a question and be featured in a future podcast episode? Record your question at Happentoyourcareer.com/vm

Curious about our flagship program that’s helped hundreds of people just like you to clarify what you want in your work, and equip you with the tools and tactics to get it? Check out Career Change Bootcamp at Happentoyourcareer.com/lp/career-change-bootcamp/

Listen to our podcast episode on communicating effectively and with confidence with The Art of Charm’s AJ Harbinger at Happentoyourcareer.com/what-brene-brown-and-the-art-of-charm-have-in-common/

Ready to find the work that fits you? Go to FigureItOut.co to get started.

Should I Quit My Job? (How to Know if it’s Ok)

Imagine this scene: you’re driving to the office, and you feel your stomach tighten up.

It’s not like butterflies, it’s more like anxious nerves starting to kick into high gear.

You park, hesitate for a moment in the car before walking up to the building, sigh, and wonder to yourself, “Do I really *have* to today?”

But if you’re anything like the thousands of people we’ve helped, there’s a part of your brain that probably also pipes up and says: “Appreciate what you have! This is a stable job with good benefits, is impressive to other people, and gives you vacation and sick leave. And leaving would have huge consequences on your family, your mortgage payments…what would you even do instead?”

Or, even more scary: “What if I change jobs and it’s worse?”

It makes it really painful to start to answer the question: Should I Quit My Job?

But it doesn’t have to be.

Here are four questions to help you weigh the Pros and Cons of quitting your job — versus some of the possible potential upside of staying.

NAIL DOWN YOUR “WHY” TO FIGURE OUT THE HOW

The first question to answer is the most important: why do I want to leave in the first place? What is driving my decision?

Don’t skate past this question; this is deeper than it seems on first blush.

To get to the bottom of it, write out every single reason, petty or gigantic, that’s motivating your desire to leave. Give yourself 10 minutes of uninterrupted time where your pen never leaves the paper to get them all out of your brain.

Then, take a look at what you’re feeling and thinking. Look for big trends, and look for the reasons that feel particularly emotionally charged.

When you have perspective and can evaluate your reasons outside of your brain, are you wanting to leave because you’re running away from something?

POTENTIALLY RUNNING AWAY = My coworker drives me crazy. I work insane hours. I got demoralizing feedback on a recent project. I didn’t get a big enough raise this last promotion cycle. My manager and I have communication issues.

Running away from setting boundaries or asking for what you truly want can mean that the next job you run into will have the same old baggage and negative behavior patterns, so you’re right to worry about whether it will be an upgrade. If you’re getting the sense you might be running away from a role and haven’t exhausted your options to make the situation better, check out our recent podcast with Melody Wilding on harnessing powerful emotions to set strong boundaries at work.

PROBABLY RUNNING TOWARD = I want to learn a new skill that I can’t find here. I’ve tried to get chances to do an internal pivot onto a new project, but have all been unsupported. This organization no longer aligns with my values. My manager isn’t championing me internally, so I’m less effective here. I’m ready to move to a new state, and can’t transfer with this organization.

However, if you can look at your list of reasons to leave and see that you’ve done everything in your power to make it work for you — and it won’t — it’s great to see why you need to leave outlined so explicitly. You now have a motivational manifesto as to why it’s time to quit and move on.

GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER TO MAKE IT HAPPEN – FAST.  

The second question to consider if you know quitting is the right move for you is: do I have the “runway” to do it now?

“Runway” means: do you have the savings in the bank to allow for you to be okay if you don’t get another job right away?

Here’s how you calculate your current financial runway: log into each of your bank accounts, and add up all the cash you have available to you in your checking and savings accounts. Look at your investments and add the value of the ones that are easier to liquefy and get out if needed (meaning: count personal investment amounts as part of your “runway” cash pot, but not 401(k) investments).

Then, take a look at your monthly spending over the past ~3 months, and come up with your average monthly spend. Include things like health insurance that your current employer might be subsidizing.

To determine your rough financial runway, take your total cash amount, and divide it by your average monthly spend. That tells you how many months you could go without any income (and fairly light adjustments of your spending) before you’d be in trouble.

For some people, this financial runway calculation looks like this:

Average monthly spending: $3,200

Total “liquifiable” and/or cash assets: $40,000 in cash, $18,000 in liquifiable investments = $58,000

Rough financial runway estimate: $58,000/$3,200 = ~18 months (18.125 months)

For others, it might be closer to this:

Average monthly spending: $6,600

Total “liquifiable” and/or cash assets: $20,000 in cash, $5,000 in liquifiable investments = $25,000

Rough financial runway estimate: $25,000/$6,600 = ~3 months (Really it’s closer to 3.8 months, but I’d recommend you round down)

Because life is uncertain and it’s better to be safe than sorry, we strongly recommend your financial runway include a minimum of 6 months of cash, with 9+ months’ worth being closer to ideal.

If doing this calculation leaves you in a cold sweat, don’t leave yourself vulnerable. You’ll probably want a financial runway like this on hand regardless of whether you’re thinking of quitting or not, because losing a job unexpectedly or having a sudden illness hit would also require you to have funds on hand. Start increasing your savings now. I did this in the past by asking for a raise and lowering my expenses so I needed less cash to get by each month. For ideas on how to ask for a raise, check out this episode of the podcast.

The other consideration as you’re calculating financial runway to quit your job might also be: do I have any liabilities or future gains that might make this more challenging? Are there things that I owe a lot of money on, upcoming large medical procedures that I’d like to use my employer’s coverage to pay for, or bonuses, vacation that doesn’t cash out, or other compensation on the table that I’d lose if I left now? Did my employer pay for my most recent degree, and I’d owe them some reimbursement if I left now? Understanding the financial logistics of leaving can be incredibly illuminating on whether now is the right time to quit, or if there are ways you can better take care of yourself before saying goodbye.

CONSULT YOUR MOST IMPORTANT STAKEHOLDERS FOR CONSENSUS

The third question is in terms of impact of your decision: who else has a vested interest in the outcome of this decision, and are they onboard and committed to making the same decision?

For me, a clear and obvious impact of my employment decision is how it affects my wife Alyssa and our kids.

Alyssa and I are a team, and I rarely do anything major in my business without consulting her and getting her feedback first. Not only is she incredibly smart and insightful when it comes to strategic decisions, but she’s also supportive while pointing out potential flaws in my master plans. And because I’m typically the breadwinner for our family, any dramatic decisions that I make about my work and paycheck have an immediate impact on her and the kids. So in order to feel like I’m acting in integrity, I need to make sure that she and I are in agreement about what’s right for me and for our family.

When I left my HR job at Target, I didn’t do a good job of involving Alyssa in that decision, and ended up putting her through a ton of stress that made me feel like a jerk. I’ve learned from that experience that bringing her into both the decision and the contingency planning process early and often is the best thing to do for our partnership, relationship, and friendship to stay strong.

The final question is: what’s going to be required for me to make a substantial life change like this?

Let me explain. In order to get results that are different from what you’ve always gotten, you have to take action in ways that are different from what you’ve always done.

For me, that meant finding more time. When I was working a 9-to-5 job and also being a dad, that was no small feat. I realized that I needed to do the most important things first in my day, so I started getting up early.

Really early. Like, 4am early.

And I would do things like record podcast episodes that early. Because when you’re committed to finding a way, and you’re willing to be flexible on the “how,” you can create awesome opportunities for yourself. We have Career Change Bootcamp students who make their transition by having the discipline to do their coursework and their homework assignments during their lunch break at work each day.

With Mike, he needed a break in between jobs to have the time and space to make his transition. So evaluate what’s true for you, and set yourself up for success.

TO RECAP, HERE ARE THE 4 QUESTIONS TO KNOW IF YOU SHOULD QUIT:

1) Why do you want to leave in the first place? What is driving the decision? Is it 100% emotion thinking it will be better or something you are able to run to versus running away from?

2) Do you have the runway, the savings, or more liabilities than you can afford?

3) Who else has a vested interest and are they onboard and committed to making the same decision?

4) What do you need personally in terms of breakthroughs to make this substantial life change? It is substantial and I don’t want people to underestimate that.

Anything you would add having done it yourself?

Ready to quit, but not sure what to transition into? Get a crash course to help you get clear on what you’re great at and what kind of work could fit you best in our 8-day mini-course. Sign up here!

Mike Goodman 0:04
I don't want to waste my whole life being blah, I don't want to be counting down the weeks and the months and life was just passing by. And I knew if I didn't take a stand and change something, it wasn't gonna change. For another year go by and I'd still be at the same job in the same boat feeling the same way.

Introduction 0:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what it does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
Some people can just keep going forever in a job that they no longer find meaningful. But for many other people, there's an expiration date when it starts to get really painful to keep going to work, sitting at your desk, and knowing you're just not that excited about it. But if you're at that point, how do you know if you should just simply quit your job? Will that be the right move? And aside from the financial aspect, there are many other reasons that this could be the best, or the worst decision of your life.

Mike Goodman 01:29
Nothing felt exciting, nothing. I didn't have any sort of clue what I wanted to do work wise. I didn't have any sort of excitement in the role I was in. I was in this spiral that was just really, really, it was just bad. And I just felt like literally a constant state of blah was the best way to phrase it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:49
That's Mike Goodman. Several years ago, he came to us after working in Higher Education, and we had the pleasure of working with him as a client to find his ideal career next step. During his journey, Mike did a phenomenal job evaluating whether or not he should quit his job in Higher Ed before having the next role lined up. Later on in our conversation, you're going to learn four questions, we get into four specific questions to ask yourself to know if it makes sense for you to quit. And we're talking specifically about, without having another opportunity. But first, we need to start with how Mike got to this step in his career in the first place.

Mike Goodman 02:27
It has been a curvy road to say the least. Boy after college, I held a number of, you know, kind of entry level work positions, and then I decided I wanted to pursue a career in Higher Ed. So I started working for a small liberal arts college in the marketing office, and I really had fun with it at first. It was a cool way to learn some different, you know, everyone's responsible for managing a website, which I really liked, and I was the first point of contact for anybody that needed help, you know, marketing related projects, it was a fun role. But then it kind of, like any job I had held previously, I got to a point where it just kind of got stale. And while I was there, I decided to take advantage of a tuition benefit, and I went for another degree. And then when I finished, I moved on to another role. That was an advancement in title responsibility. And luckily also in PE. I never really felt overly engaged in the new role, but I felt like I needed to give it some time. And unfortunately, as time went on, my lack of engagement never really changed. If anything, I probably got more and more unengaged as time went on. And yet the funny part about that is of all the jobs I had held full time, I stayed in that role the longest. I started off, it didn't really feel like a fit. But yet I stayed in that role for just three or five years. I think I got to a point where I thought I had changed jobs a couple times as it was. And I thought, you know, "Is there really... is there anything out there I'm gonna like? And is there, you know, what if I change jobs and it's... what if it's something worse?" I did this routine with myself for several years while I was there where I would apply for jobs, I would sometimes get called for an interview. Sometimes I go to the interview or as the interviewer is approaching, I would change my mind and just think "nah! this isn't for me, I don't think I'm going to pursue this." Or I would go to an interview and then sometimes remove myself from the process because I leave the interview just feeling not excited or not, it didn't feel like an improvement from where I was. I mean, this went on for too long. This went on for several years. And I would just kind of tell myself, it was almost like "The devil you know, is better than the devil you don't know." I'm trying to think of what else. I'm top of everything else, I felt like while I was in this job, my mood was kind of, I phrased it like a constant state of blah. I felt...

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:03
A constant state a blah. What is... expand on that for me. What do you would mean by that?

Mike Goodman 05:07
Nothing felt exciting. I didn't have any sort of clue what I wanted to do workwise, I didn't have any sort of excitement in the role I was in. But then I was looking around at other jobs. And I think, "well, you know, what am I qualified for? What is my resume show? Like, what am I gonna find that's any different than what I'm doing?" Because I think like most people, you sometimes feel pigeon holed in that, you know, my resume states, I've done this, but how am I going to show that I can do something different? Or how am I going to translate my experience into showing that I can do something different? I had about an hour commute without traffic so regularly, I did hit traffic. So I mean, it wasn't uncommon for me to have a day where it could take upwards of two to three hours to get home or in the morning, say if the weather was bad or there was an accident, it could take that long to get in. I was in this spiral that was just really, really bad. And I just felt like literally a constant state of blah was the best way to phrase it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:07
That is, I was gonna say super interesting and it probably didn't feel particularly interesting at the time. In fact, they have but it's interesting because so many people get stuck in that state where, you know, you're commuting multiple hours a day and you're, I don't know, gridlocked along traffic and then you are feeling like "hey, I'm not sure even what I want to change to but I know that this isn't it" and you're struggling or trying to push through that all at the same time. And I think that's where a lot of our listeners have been and certainly experienced at least parts of that. So I think everybody knows...

Mike Goodman 06:43
Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:44
exactly what you're talking about. Now, what ended up happening from there, you lived in that state of blah for, it sounds like almost five years, right?

Mike Goodman 06:52
Yeah, I mean, pretty much for and some change for, you know, much too long. What happened was, I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I knew if I didn't take control of my situation and make anything change, then another year would go by and I would still be in the same job and I would still be kind of spinning my wheels in terms of "alright, what am I going to do?" So I had been on the East Coast, I'm from the East Coast, and I decided after a long time of thinking about it, the time had come and I was going to move to the West Coast. I approached my boss and told her my plans. I didn't really have a whole in depth plan other than that, but I thought, well, this is going to force me to find something else and get a new start and just kind of kick things off from the right track. So I told my boss and they approached me with an offer to allow me to go to the West Coast, where I could work remotely for a set time period. So it had an end date. And I was very surprised, but I was definitely appreciative and accepted the offer and so I came to the West Coast and still worked remote. And then it was, kind of reality, in a sense hit me because now it's like, "well, now I really have to figure this out. What am I going to do?" I applied for some jobs, didn't really find anything that I was overly excited about. And then time marched by really quickly. And my contract came to an end with the remote work for the job that I had had from the East Coast. And then all of a sudden, I contacted by a recruiter for a job opportunity that was in Florida. I knew the company and I was intrigued. And I thought, "well, I don't have any other options at the moment.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:40
That's right in fornt of you.

Mike Goodman 08:41
Let's check this out." Yeah, the whole process was extremely rushed. Like it was just there was very, there was no real personal connection, you know, so I would talk with a recruiter and they'd set me up for a phone call, say they're hiring manager and then I ended up talking to a total of three people by phone. There is no one person and no typos all by phone. It was very quick. I think in the period of a week, I had the three different conversations. And then I got an offer. The whole process again, like I said, was so rushed, they wanted an answer within 24 hours, you know, it wasn't like, "oh, take a few days and think about it. Let's make sure it's the right fit."

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:19
Bad sign number one.

Mike Goodman 09:20
Like, yes, that's, and my gut already was kind of like, I need time to think about this. But then I didn't have anything else. Florida had never really been a plan or a thought or an interest. But I thought, well, maybe this is just a different way of going on an adventure. And I accepted the offer. I had about three weeks from when I accepted to when I had to be down there to start. And the whole period between, honestly I was just in like a personal hell and I just felt my anxiety was just literally it was through the roof. I was like, "Oh my. I don't know if there's this right. And do I really want to be in Florida? And like, what do I know about this job and am I really prepared for this?" So the year just constantly, there's just a lot of doubt. And I didn't feel, I didn't have an excited feeling if anything, I just... I felt extreme anxiety.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:08
Did you recognize that in the moment? Or was it only afterwards where that was really apparent to you? What was going on at the time?

Mike Goodman 10:17
I knew at the moment I was anxious because I wasn't sleeping well, and I was just kind of like, but I was unsure, but I thought, you know what, it's nerves, and when I get there, it's gonna be better. So I just, I thought, like, see this through and see where it goes. And you know, let allow myself to get there and then just kind of absorb it and things will feel better once I arrive. Normally, that's the case when I have felt uncertain about other things and they've unfolded but unfortunately, this situation, things didn't get better. So I had these three interviews while I was talking with this company. And so three weeks later, when I went down to start, of the three people, one had left the company, one had moved into another role. And then I was going to be working for someone who had just started, who I'd never talked to, it was just, you know, it was like red flag.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:54
It's almost like total worst nightmare come true in some ways because that's one of the reasons that you stay in those types of roles that are blah for so long, it's like, well

Mike Goodman 12:05
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:05
I don't know if this might not be any better it might be way worse.

Mike Goodman 12:07
Exactly. And, you know, looking back at it, the signs were there, that it wasn't gonna be the right fit. But I think because of the fear of not having a job or not having anything lined up, I jumped. But even then, after jumping, I thought, "Oh, you know, I don't know if this was the right choice." So anyway, I went and I was down there, and literally had zero support at the job in terms of, you know, someone asked questions to where resources are in anything. And after, I didn't even make it at the job eight weeks, I made it just maybe six or seven. And I just decided, "you know what, there was a lot more in between" but I just decided, no job is worth this. And this is not a direction that I want to pursue, and I am just gonna cut my losses. And I remember saying to my family down there, I just want to pretend like this never happened. Wipe the slate clean. So I did. I showed up at the office one day and turned in my computer and I just said, "today's my last day" and I left.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:12
What was that like? Because I think so many of us think about doing that, in one way or another. Very few of us have that experience though.

Mike Goodman 13:22
I felt good because I made the decision in my mind, and then being able to go and kind of unload my gear, so to say, so you're like my computer in any sort of their property. I turned it in, I sent a letter. The person who was my boss was really never around. So when I went, I just, you know, submitted a letter and then I went and turned in my computer. And then I stopped in the break room. I grabbed a soda and I walked out, decided this is it. And I felt, you know what, I felt I knew I was going to have challenges ahead, but I knew that I was making the right decision because staying in a job that literally just made me feel ill was not ever gonna do anything right for me. So I needed to figure out what was going to do something right and pursue that rather than staying in, you know, it's like a puzzle piece that didn't fit.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:13
We've used the puzzle analogy more than a few times in our business. But certainly when the puzzle is not fitting in any way whatsoever, and you're, you've already tried hard to make it.

Mike Goodman 14:23
Oh, yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:24
And sometimes it's impossible, and sometimes a change is needed.

Mike Goodman 14:27
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:29
So not everybody has had that experience of quitting a job without something else lined up. I've done that, you've done that and a host of other people have done that. But most of the, that's only a small portion of the world. And this is a question we get on a regular basis. In fact, we recently had a listener that had sent in a question along those lines. In here, I'll read it off really quick. Yeah`, she had said something. Here we go. "HTYC always seems to discourage the idea of quitting a job that is not working before you've accepted an offer and one that feels right. But I'd love to hear an interview with somebody who took an intentional break between jobs without the next thing lined up and I'm increasingly feeling the instinct to take a life sabbatical." And she goes on to say that, "hey, I haven't heard when it's okay to give yourself permission to let go and when it's okay to regroup and when it's not okay. When does it make it a good idea, essentially? When might be a wiser choice for the long run?" That is what I'd love to dig into with you.

Mike Goodman 15:31
Sure.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:32
Because reality is your decision might not be right for everyone, but it was certainly right for you. Right?

Mike Goodman 15:39
Yeah, it was what I needed to do. You know, when I left the job that I had been at for several years, you know, I think a lot of people can relate to this too, but between a long commute and days of just total non stimulation and you know, an engagement, I wouldn't feel energized to go home or take a weekend and be like, "I'm gonna figure out what I want to do and like what my next move is gonna be" I would just kind of be, again, like I said, the constant blah, you know, I would just kind of be like, "oh, I'm not there. So I'm gonna enjoy my time, but I'm not going to think about anything because I don't know. And that's what's gonna make me more obsessed." And, but then I got to a point where I just thought, what I can't keep moving forward like this. And if I'm gonna be working until I'm 65 to 70 years old, I don't want to waste my whole life being blah, you know, I don't want to be counting down the weeks and the months and, you know, just waiting, passing... life was just passing me by and I knew if I didn't take a stand and change something, it wasn't going to change. Another year go by and I'd still be at the same job in the same boat feeling the same way. What I did in that sense was, I jumped headfirst into the pool because I just knew all right, I'm doing something but I know if I stay where I am, I will still be here. Like I want nothing will change. The Florida situation was very different because that never fit from the get go. And that just never felt right. I didn't want to be there. I knew at that point, I was fortunate that I had support of family and friends. And I said, you know, I just... I need to take some time, decompress from all this and figure out what is going to be the right fit and what is going to be the right move for me because again, working another 30 to 40 years in a situation that I'm not happy with life. Life is too short, and I don't want to look back at my life and think I had the chance to make a change and I didn't.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:56
I like what you said there. You are looking forward and saying I don't want to ever be in the place where I had that chance to make a change and I didn't. Like...

Mike Goodman 17:46
Right.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:46
Making moves for avoiding regret is probably one of the times where it's actually okay to avoid something. This is super interesting. And there's a couple areas where I'd love to really go into deep. One, I want to make sure that we're leaving everyone with some ideas of when it's okay, when it's a good idea to quit your job? Especially when you don't have something else lined up. And we'll sprinkle those in along the way here too. But I also think that all of us and you and I had this conversation the other day, when we were talking about creating this episode and bringing you on here, what we think it's going to be like, after we quit? And what it's actually like, after we quit?

Mike Goodman 18:27
Are very different.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:28
Yeah, are often very different. And we, we've pretty well proven again and again, that we as human beings are terrible at anticipating the future and what things are actually going to be like in the experience versus what we perceive in advance before it ever comes time. So what I'd love for you to do and I'm super curious, and I can help share some experiences when I quit too without having something else lined up. But what was that like for you? What took place? What did you, what was similar to what you expected? What was far better, far worse?

Mike Goodman 18:57
There were good days and there were bad days. Luckily there were more good because I would, you know, take some time and kind of explore different options, explore opportunities, and then I'd start seeing things. And I'd feel a sense of excitement and hope. And that made me feel better. But then there are days where I felt like nothing's happening, I'm not doing anything, I don't have anything lined up and, you know, feeling almost more of a sense of, I guess, almost despair, I'd say just feeling down. But then when I would have those days, I would think about, specifically the Florida job and the Florida office, and I would think, you know what, this is all going to work out. And I would rather be in this spot now than being back there. And that would make me feel better.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:43
That's really interesting. And I think that's one of the things that people need to consider before they're making a move like this and leaving a role, blah or not, in really understanding the full impact or at least attempting to understand the full impact.

Mike Goodman 20:00
Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:01
What is driving this in the first place? What are some of the real impacts too? In your case, like that Florida role was having real physical impacts on you. It's cause anxiety and it was making your life a little...

Mike Goodman 20:14
I was a mess, for lack of a better word. I was an absolute mess. And I just knew I'm like, I did not leave the last role to come to something even worse. And I was like, I know there's something better out there. Looking back in hindsight, like if I always ever put in that situation again, where I felt rushed and I wasn't sure that it was the right move or the right opportunity, I wouldn't do it. And you know, it was a definitely a learning experience. And I think it came at a time when I needed the lesson. But again, I would never put myself in a situation like that again, because no job or anything that makes you feel ill or just sick or just, you know, just does not make you feel good is worth it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:54
Yeah, and that's what I had for my first professional job experience straight out of college. That same feeling also the same commute, whereas multiple hours in the car and you're looking at the people next to you, and they don't look that happy either. And then you're thinking the entire time like, I don't even like this job like, why am I...

Mike Goodman 21:12
What am I doing?

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:13
What am I doing? Like.

Mike Goodman 21:14
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:15
So totally understand on that. What I think people experience though, is they experienced either what you experienced where it's like, "hey, this is completely blah. And I know that if I don't do something, then I'm going to be here for a long period of time." The other side of it is I think what I experienced too where I got myself into a situation where it was like, "look, anything has to be better than this." Anything has to be better than this. And this a little bit of a case of distorted grass is greener and thinking that "hey, any situation will absolutely be better." It became a situation of me wanting to leave just because I wanted to get the heck out of this situation. So that's the number one thing I would tell people to consider is, what's driving this decision in the first place? And...

Mike Goodman 22:03
Definitely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:04
Specifically, are you running to something versus running away from something? And if you're just purely running away from something, that's going to make a bad decision, like in my case, I was running away from something. Had I left when I first wanted to, I would have 100% been running away from something. And in your case, I would say that, that actually wasn't true, which I think is part of the reason why it made it better for you.

Mike Goodman 22:29
The Florida situation I needed to leave the first situation was something that had, you know, I think that had been on my mind for far before from when I actually did do it. And I think, sometimes I try and talk myself into staying say for example, Christmas, we would get a really nice vacation and the gift, and then, you know, so then the fall would come and I think well, you know, the Christmas vacation is really nice. So I'm not going to leave now. And then it got to a point where the things that I stayed for, or that I would talk myself into staying for, we're no longer enough, like, you know, as, what's a two week vacation? Yeah, it was great. But what if the other 50 weeks of the year are not good, then it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to stick around for the two weeks off. It just got to a point where the reasons I stayed just diminished, you know, less and less. And I just knew that, it was time, I needed to go, it was past time. And it wasn't a quick decision, it was something I really thought, I thought about for a long time, but then I knew I'm ready. It's time, I need to go.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:37
That kind of invoke the second thing that we really have people take a look at, as well, is what's going to be required, you know, asking yourself this question, what is going to be required to make a substantial life change? Because for some people, some people really can do this over time. And that's something that I've done at different points in time in my life, even starting this business like, you know, we started it on the side and did it from 4am to 7am, every single morning, and that was... that worked well. But then I think that there's other periods of time and other people that doesn't make sense for them, that doesn't make sense for them because they either can't put enough focus in making the life change, or it doesn't make sense for them because of any number of other reasons, too. And I think in your case, you've said multiple times in the last 25 minutes here that you had to have that break. You had to have that.

Mike Goodman 24:30
I did. Yeah, I needed that time. I was fortunate that I was able to take it, but I definitely needed it because, you know, and all those years of commuting, and then just like I had mentioned being really disengaged, I didn't take when I say I had a week off. I wasn't spending the time doing the work in terms of like really digging and searching to figure out, what is it that I want to be doing? What do I want my life to look like? Because in a week, I was just more or less decompressing from being out of office and I wasn't taking on anything of that nature. When I had that time, in between jobs, it was like, well, now I have this time I can really figure out what is my next move gonna be. And what do I want that to look like. Because for so long, that wasn't something that I had thought about.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:19
Yeah. And that makes a ton of sense. And for you too, from what I know about your situation and everything that we've talked about, you had the runway, and that's where we get into question number three here. Do you have the runway in terms of financial or other to be able to make this a real possibility? Or is it going to be a case where you might have to make a couple of jobs like make a shift from one job to another even though that's not necessarily the perfect job or one job to another that's going to free up your time or headspace or something else so that you can create a different level of focus. But in your case, you had a bit of savings, right? You've done...

Mike Goodman 25:55
I did. I was fortunate that I was able to take that time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:58
What did you do to put yourself in that place?

Mike Goodman 26:01
Over the last several years that I was in the job before I left, I had gotten some, you know, annual increases, and there was a period where I had gotten a promotion. So what I would do is every year, I would just put away the difference. So I was essentially living off my original salary. Over the years, I'd put, you know, a decent amount of money away for like a rainy day fund, so to say, or, you know, a couple months of living expenses. And then I was fortunate during my gap where I wasn't working, that I had supportive family, so that I was able to have, you know, a place to stay, whereas, you know, that helps tied my savings along that much longer.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:41
Lower living experiences for a period of time.

Mike Goodman 26:44
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:45
Very cool.

Mike Goodman 26:45
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:46
That's the question that everybody needs to ask themselves when they're considering leaving, not to something else. As one, do you have that financial runway, we're through savings or other income coming in or something else? And then usually when I'm working with people one on one, we're figuring out okay, what is the likelihood of you being able to move into something else in addition to, what it's actually going to take? And always budget worst case scenario. I think everybody has a tendency to look at, well, I think it's gonna be, you know, three months, and I can get a job in three months, no problem. And we're overly optimistic in a lot of those cases versus

Mike Goodman 27:23
Yeah

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:24
It might realistically take a long period of time. How long did it take you?

Mike Goodman 27:27
It was over six months. Maybe more like eight months. It took a while. It did happened. I allowed myself a little period where I just took some time in the beginning. And then I thought all right, I'm gonna jump in now. So I took, you know, the first, it was a month or two off to just kind of resettle and decompress. And then probably then from when I started, you know, really doing the work about six months and that was, you know, the holiday time things tend to slow down and some interview processes can take quite a while you know, from start to finish. You have to allow that time because there's just no way of knowing how long it's going to take.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:04
Yeah. And generally, we'll have people budget whatever time they need away. Like in your case, you said, look, I need this month, month and a half, two months time to be able to decompress. And that's 100% okay, like what Laura is asking in her question, you know, if she needs that deep and refresh in time, that's great. And then additionally, she should allow a minimum of six months just in case, because although we've helped a lot of people, make 30 day transitions, that's not the norm. That is the optimistic side. Yes, it can be done but you do not want to be in a situation. I've personally been in a situation where it's taken much longer than what I anticipated. And is Uber stressful, especially if you're in a situation where you have either a family or spouse or other things like that. That's not just stressful for you, but it's stressful for them as well. You know, that actually happened, geez, probably like eight or so years ago to me too, when I was transitioning from a job, I felt like I couldn't take it anymore and ended up leaving. We had savings, was able to get job offers, I already had number of interviews in the works at the point in time and I left and everything like that. So it wasn't like just leaving completely clean. But there was more to the story too, because even though we had some savings, even though we had about, you know, six plus months savings easily, even though those other things are in place, it's still in hindsight, I don't know was the right decision based on everything else we had going on. We were trying to pay down a bunch of debt not ended up putting that on hold. And then for Alyssa, my wife, was really stressful for her too because she has all these people that are asking her really every time they turn around, like "hey, this guy have a job yet" everything else along those lines, too.

Mike Goodman 29:45
Is very stressful.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:46
Yeah.

Mike Goodman 29:46
And I think going along with it, you have to be prepared and be willing to give up a certain degree of control, because you can control what you put into the situation in your efforts. But you can't necessarily control the outcome or you really can't can control how long it's going to take.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:01
You can have a lot of influence it but ultimately you don't get to decide whether that person is on vacation and whether you get the job offer in writing this week or three weeks from now.

Mike Goodman 30:10
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:11
And sometimes those things just don't line up perfectly. So if you've only got three months of money in the bank, and you're dependent upon that happening, and that your spouse is looking at you going, "hey, you've promised it would be okay" then that's not going to create a great situation for you. So that ends up being the fourth question that we would advise everybody to ask. Who else has a vested interest in this decision? And are they okay with it? Are they on board? And do they understand all these implications, too?

Mike Goodman 30:38
Yeah, having that support can make all the difference.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:40
Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna really quick just run through those questions again, here for anybody that is finding themselves in this place where they're considering, like you were, is this something I just need to do? Is this something that I should do? Is this actually a good idea for me in my situation? So ask yourself number one, do you have the that runway? Do you have that savings? Or do you have more liabilities and you're going to be able to afford at the time? You know, number two, why is it that you want to leave in the first place? What is driving this decision? Is it 100% emotion thinking that is going to be better? Or is it something that you're able to run to versus running away from something? And if it's purely running away from something, probably not a great idea. And then question number three, who else has a vested interest in this decision? And are they 100% on board or at least enough on board and committed to making the same decision? Then last question is for you personally, what do you need in terms of breakthroughs to make this substantial life change? Because it is a substantial life change. And I don't want people to underestimate that. Anything that you would add to that mix for people to consider, you know, having you done this yourself in a couple of capacities.

Mike Goodman 31:55
Think it through and be prepared. I think, you know, having that support like I just said, is really is important. And just looking at it from different ways, like if it's, are you okay with it? If it's not going to happen for six months, if it's gonna take longer, worst case scenario, are you okay with still making that decision? Just way look at the different sides and weigh the outcomes.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:16
That is phenomenal advice. And then the cool thing is, even if you decide it's not a good idea, then I think that there's plenty of other alternatives, you can work on getting what we call a bridge job, which might not be the perfect job, but it might be something that is vastly improved. And either maybe it's not the state of blah, and you're get into use more of your skill sets and what you enjoy, but maybe it's not the perfect thing, if you will. Or maybe it's a case where it's freeing up more of your headspace or more of your time, so that you can devote some time or headspace or bandwidth, like you were talking about earlier, Mike to figuring out what is going to be a great situation for you.

Mike Goodman 32:55
Exactly. Yeah. What does that look like? Figuring out, what's the right move or what's the next move gonna be? And what's gonna make it better

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:02
Any advice on that figuring it out process because I know that you've gone through that at some point you began working with us and that's how we actually met the first time, right. And that's how I got to learn your strengths and learn what you're great at. And ultimately, at some point, we invited you onto the team after an extensive interview process and having that firsthand relationship. And now you do a phenomenal job because, well, quite frankly, we, you know, we like to practice what we preach and put people in areas where they kick ass.

Mike Goodman 33:33
Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:33
Yeah. And you know, we absolutely see it every single day and we get, oh my goodness, just in the short time that you've been with us, I'm trying to think how many emails I've gotten from our audience and customers telling me how awesome Mike is.

Mike Goodman 33:48
Nice. That's awesome. That's great to hear.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:50
Yeah, absolutely. But as people are going through that figure it out type process, any other advice that you'd give to them once they have decided "hey, look, I need to quit, it is the right decision for me. And I'm going to use part of that time to determine what is next. And what's going to be a great situation for me.

Mike Goodman 34:08
Allow yourself the time to don't jump into a situation just because it comes up, you know, don't... learn from my mistake. Don't jump into something just because it's there, make sure it's the right move. Because if you've made the decision to leave where you were to find something better, see it through, don't jump into something, you know, a lateral move or the frying pan into the fire, for lack of a better word, just take the time and discover what it is that is going to make you happy and seek it out. Because it is out there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:39
Something Mike and I didn't say in our interview, is that after we finished working together, Mike ended up taking a role at Avocado Green, and then turning that opportunity and promotion. He did a really phenomenal job with this. And I want to let you know we've got so much more coming up in store for you next week, right here on Happen To Your Career. But also, if you're looking for help in figuring out your next career move, then tell you what, just stop this pause it and text, My Coach, that's M-Y Coach to 44222. And we'll send you the link to tell us a little bit more about your situation and schedule a call with our team. And when you do that, we'll ask you a bunch of questions and really try and understand your situation and figure out the very best way that we can help you through whatever your goals are. It's no obligation, and it's been one of the best first steps for so many people, many that you've heard on Happen To Your Career again and again. So just text My Coach to 44222. On the very next episode of Happen To Your Career, if you're looking for help figuring out what you really want, well, we're going to answer a few questions like, "how to find what you love to do again? If you strayed away from it" "how to identify true strengths and values, that lead to your ideal role?" And, "how to prepare yourself to finally make the jump?" And also, what kinds of jobs or positions or roles, a project manager can move into?" We've taken all these questions live from our listeners, and we've answered them. We're gonna share that with you on the very next episode, this Thursday. Talk to you then, until then. I'm out. Adios.

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Remote Workers and Travel with Adda Birnir

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO FINDING AND DOING REMOTE WORK

The number of people that have come to us recently to have us help them find remote work that they can do from home or at least on their terms is huge!

Even right before I started writing this guide, I was on a coaching call where I was helping one of our Career Change Bootcamp students negotiate working remotely into her job offer. (BTW she sent me a note afterwards saying Negotiations had gone well!) #Woohoo

I think that it’s pretty safe to say that many of us want more flexibility in our life and work!

For this reason we brought Adda Birnir, the CEO of SkillCrush.com, to discuss remote work on the Happen to Your Career podcast. Not only does her company work entirely remotely but also they teach people (especially women) to code (which is one profession that is incredibly flexible) She’s a champion of remote work, diversity in tech, and getting women back into the workforce on their own terms.

You might be thinking, “An all-remote team? A place to work where I can be location independent? Surely that can’t be real.”

But we’ve been running a location independent team and business ever since the beginning of Happen to Your Career. Right now, we have team members living in Washington, New York, North Carolina, California, Ohio, and even Bali.  And earlier this year, my family and I worked from Portugal and then from France for 6 weeks. It was a huge challenge…and it was awesome!

Some people might look at that and be insanely jealous and say: “That must be nice FOR THEM. That could never happen for me. I’m not even totally sure where to find remote work.

After helping thousands of people get that fits the lifestyle they want to live, we’ve seen 3 common ways our students get remote or much more flexible work.

  1. Make your current job much more flexible
  2. Change to a company that allows (and values) working remotely
  3. Get “mad skills” that allow you to work remotely (for this one definitely listen to the podcast as Adda goes deep into some ways to do this)

Click here for the guide
MAKE YOUR CURRENT JOB MORE FLEXIBLE

I’ve had so many people ask me how to do this that I have literally had this coaching conversation hundreds of times!

Here are the simple (but not easy) steps to ask your current boss for more flexibility in your job.

Here’s a clip from my appearance on “The Suitcase Entrepreneur” describing exactly how to negotiate telecommuting

1.  You must be a high performer.

If you’re not already, it won’t matter what you ask isn’t going to work. Conversely your boss must view you as a high performer too.

Remember this doesn’t just mean you do your job well, it means that you get results + you make your boss’s life easier + they like you and want to support you!

When you’re invaluable to your boss, it becomes very possible to negotiate for things like work time, salary, telecommuting, and flexibility.

If you have any doubt that this is the case then follow the steps in our “Ultimate Guide to Negotiating a Raise” before you ask for more flexibility.

2.  What’s in it for them?

If you want my personal guarantee that it WON’T work, go in and say something like;

“My spouse and I have talked it over, we need more flexibility in our life so that we can adopt some kittens, travel the world and honestly, I just work better after I’ve slept in until 9am”

Your boss will be surprised, but neither of you will be pleased with the outcome.

Instead consider what will actually work build a case with what actually is useful to your company or better yet, your boss!

Here’s a list of some examples from actual proposals that are good for you AND your boss

“I’ve learned that on the couple times I’ve worked from home, I get almost twice as much project work done. Seriously I measured it, about 1 hour for what takes me 1.75 hours at the office”

“I plan on using the extra time that I would have been commuting to work on the Conversions project so I can take that off of your plate”

I make my clients write out specifically how it benefits your employer and your boss (and your team) before ever asking.

3.  Ask for a trial

If nobody else at your work is working from home right now, then it’s unlikely that your boss is going to be all smiles and giggles at the prospect of going from zero to having you only available by laptop because you’re in Fiji. (plus the wifi is terrible in Fiji)

Instead, consider asking for a trial period first.

Here’s how that might sound

“Could we try me telecommuting from home for 2 days a week. After 1 month we can review if it’s working and whether the results are what we thought. If it’s great and I’m getting more work done we can keep going, if not we can simply end the trial or adjust down.”

The psychology of “asking for a trial” is that if you ask for something permanent your boss will perceive risk. Instead when you give your boss the control to reverse the decision if it’s not working and putting specific limitations on the decision, then it removes that risk.

My experience with doing this myself is that if you do step number 4 well then rarely does your boss decide cut off your flexibility fun!

4.  Kick Ass at your Job (More than you usually do)

Be more productive than you’ve ever been. Make your boss believe this is possibly the best decision they’ve ever made.

I personally when i’ve done this myself have kept time logs so that I could show metrics (in hours) of exactly how much more output I was making vs. being in the office.

When your time to review your progress comes around go ahead and pat yourself on the back because you’ve successfully negotiated flexible work!

Sometimes your company just won’t go for it, or maybe you just don’t like your company that much. If that’s the case you should plan on making a change.

FIND ORGANIZATIONS THAT ALLOW REMOTE WORK

Here’s the very first question that comes up when we suggest this as an option nearly every time

“How do I know what companies allow me to work remotely or have flexibility?

The cool thing here is there is no shortage of ways to find out

My absolute favorite way is to look for companies that are already posting jobs that allow you to work from home or work remotely. You can even download our complete list of remote and flexible work resources and websites.

Once you’ve found a company that you’re interested in begin your own list of “Target Companies”.

If you’ve read anything on Happen to Your Career at all before, you know that we believe that it won’t be just one element that makes you happy in your work, meaning that you will need to learn first what your ideal company actually looks like before “getting married” to them just because they offer remote work.

You can be working remotely (good!) but still be hating life and your job (not as good ? ).

Answer a few of these questions for yourself first before adding them as a company that you’re really interested in working with.

  • Does this company value the same things I value (based on what you can tell right now from your research)
  • Am I excited about what the company does OR what type of work I might get to do?
  • Does this company have opportunities that leverage my strengths?

If you’re struggling to answer these questions for yourself, let alone for companies you’re considering, use our “Figure out what Career Fits you” 8 day email course to get started or check out HTYC coaching for even more help to make it much easier.

ACQUIRE THE “TYPES OF SKILLS” THAT ALLOW YOU TO WORK REMOTELY

There are some skillsets that make “remote work” much more available to you than others.

First of all think about it, for most remote work it’s going to require technology to allow it to happen in the first place. This doesn’t require you to be tech junkie, but it does mean you must know your way around a computer and be able to problem solve when the web cam or your microphone all of a sudden no longer works. (and it will, trust me!)

On top of that there are some skills and professions that are much more “socially accepted” for remote work (or more companies that allow for remote work need these skillsets)

Here’s a list of some examples of types of positions that are regularly posted

  • Copy writer
  • Editors
  • Graphic Designers
  • UX (User Experience) Designers
  • Developers
  • Account Executive (in charge of a region or sales territory)
  • Software Engineer
  • Traffic Growth Manager
  • Motion Designer

Note that most of these have something to do with technology OR they require skills that are portable

We’ve found that there are usually 3 roads to acquiring these skills or experience that are relatively quick

  1. Take on projects in your existing job that will force you to develop skillsets and apply them. For example in my HR job, I volunteered to create a local website for internal communication and internal job postings. I had no idea what I was doing but it forced me to learn AND gave me real skills that have been useful ever since.

In nearly 100% of cases we’ve found there are already existing opportunities in your current role to leverage skill development, yes it might mean that you have to work a little more to do it but stop and think about what you’re doing if you take on new schooling or training, which often you will be paying for instead of getting paid to do.

  1. Take a program or a class. This can mean a specific degree through a university but honestly those are usually far more expensive for what you get and the time you’re putting into them. At $30,000+ on average it’s often not a good return on your time and money investment.

Instead look for specific courses that teach you a particular skillset

Here’s two examples:

Schoolofmotion.com –  This is an online school for Motion Designers run by my friend Joey Korenman and his team. Joey’s training is regarded as some of the best in the biz and is over $100,000 less costly than some other alternatives for motion design (like the type that you see in Pixar Movies)

SkillCrush.com – This is Adda’s company that we mentioned above (listen to the podcast audio or read the transcript here if you haven’t already) they teach digital skillsets like coding in an online format for far cheaper than the computer science degree that I went part of the way through in college.

These are only two examples of many, but first learn what skillsets you’d actually enjoy be talking to people that are using them right now, then you can research which programs may be the best fit for you.

  1. Just start doing the work. This is the trial and error method.

It can range from helping out a friend who needs that kind of work done to test out whether you like it at all while learning what you can on free youtube videos, all the way to freelancing on a place like Fiverr.com or even starting your own side business.

Always consider your “opportunity cost”

If you say “yes” to one opportunity, like taking a course or taking on freelance work, that means by default you are saying “no” to other things you’re doing with that time and money. Keep in mind 100% of these ways we’ve suggested are going to cost you either time or money to acquire skills.

The rule of thumb that we use for our students is: if you’re paying more money then you should be spending less of your time to acquire them. (which is why Universities are often – but not always, a less desirable investment for particular skill sets)

BONUS: EVEN MORE IDEAS TO MAKE THE CHANGE TO REMOTE WORK

How else could I find work that pays me enough and allows me to work remotely? I could…

  • Interview people I know who are working remotely to find out how they did it and how they make money and what they enjoy/don’t enjoy about their jobs
  • Propose a shift in my current job to my boss of evolving into being a part-time or full-time Work from home position
  • Do research into the highest paying jobs and see what elements of those might be able to be done remotely
  • Do I need fully remote work, or just more flexibility? See about getting a webcam or VPN setup from work so I can work from home on days with doctors’ appointments
  • Define “pays enough” by creating a range of minimum, target, and ideal salaries so I can start to narrow in on possibilities
  • Read case studies on businesses that have remote-only workforces, and send a note to a contact at those organizations asking them for their perspective on how it’s been
  • Look at roles and industries that are actually improved when the employee is remote or able to travel easily: sales, coding, coaching, training, event planning…
  • Start a location-independent side business now at my current job, with the intent to scale it. (Dropshipping, coaching, online information products, online stores, etc.)
  • Take a class online about what you need to know to become a digital nomad
  • Get coaching from a career coach on how to find these jobs and apply for them so I can be a stand-out candidate and increase my probability of securing the job
  • Join location independent employee Facebook or LinkedIn groups
  • Take a course at SkillCrush.com on learning coding skills