Beating the Perfectionism Out of You and Starting That Coaching Business with Marc Mawhinney

Have you ever considered trying to start your own coaching business? (A career coach, a fitness coach, a relationship coach, a leadership coach, anything like that?)

You might be the kind of person who’s naturally gifted in helping others, but you don’t want to become a pastor or a psychotherapist, so going into coaching feels like a perfect next step for your career.

Coaching can be an AMAZING career fit for many people — and there’s a huge need for actually good coaches out there — but there are a lot of realities about pursuing it as a full-time career path that you’ll want to know before you quit your job and start the business. Being in love with the dream of calling yourself a coach can be very different from truly having a passion for the day-to-day life of being one.

For example, how much do you enjoy sales conversations? Working for yourself is an eat-what-you-kill kind of job, so you’re going to spend a TON of time bringing in clients so you can keep the lights on and pay the bills.

And, how much time out of your week would you estimate you’ll be on the phone with coaching clients? Whatever you’re guessing, guess again and listen to this podcast episode with Marc Mawhinney to hear about what it was like for him (and for Scott) in building their coaching businesses.

HOW MARC STARTED COACHING

On this episode, you’ll learn how Marc got into coaching (and the books that have been his biggest inspiration), how building a coaching business is a bit like being a modern-day caveman, how to ensure you’re not getting paid in meatballs, and how to decide when (or if) you need a coaching certification.

Marc comes from Atlanta, Canada, where people are conservative and usually opt for mainstream careers in insurance, banking and medicine.

He is a business coach, helping coaches with their business. We will be talking about the leap frog theory, importance of linking coaching and business, managing comparison bias, not limiting your career to your geographic area. Most importantly, we will be discussing how someone who enjoys coaching can build a sustainable business out of it.

We talk about Mark’s journey from opting for a real estate career when we was merely 21, to growing a successful business in coaching.  In 2009, Mark’s real estate business collapsed with the market. He stumbled through the wilderness for a few years not knowing what to do and failed in the real estate business a second time.

Mark’s approach is always ready, fire, aim. In the beginning of 2014 he jumped out there without a detailed business plan. He got a website, business cards and started out as a very general coach for entrepreneurs. In the months that followed, he narrowed down his niche. He discovered he jelled a lot better with coaches and things took off from there where he found his niche. Looking back, there’s a lot of crossover between coaching and the mentorship that Mark used to provide his real estate employees.

So many of us have made big changes have been born out of seemingly not good events. You’re going to experience the highest degrees of learning through some of the failures of events that have higher stakes invested in them.

Mark did not play in the small market when it came to his coaching business. He decided to work with people around the world and essentially stepped out of the geographical sandbox to connect with the wider community that would be beneficial to his business. This is how he played the leapfrog theory, from the book Thick face, Black Heart by Chin Ning Chu.

TIPS TO GET STARTED AS A COACH
  • It will save you a lot of time to know your business niche, so you can target your audience and potential customers. However, in certain cases you may want to jump in and start the work there and then. Certain instances, you will not need to figure out on your own what your niche is. The customers that come to you usually do answer that question. You may find out what kind of customers you attract and may find your niche then.
  • Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself for the direction you choose in the beginning. A good way is to do some market research in coaching to see what similar people are doing to what your interested in.
  • You need to operate as a good entrepreneur and a good salesperson if you want customers. People usually can be good coaches, but they need to additional qualities and roles to run a successful business.
  • A change of mindset is also important. Be prepared for the realities that will overpower your expectations of becoming a coach. The same amount of time, and sometimes even more will go into marketing and other aspects of the business.
  • Be patient with the returns from the business. It will take time for you to gain enough momentum and support yourself with the business. On average it takes people two to three years to get a business working. Do not giving up.
  • Do not compare yourself with other coaches or similar businesses. Social media is usually not the complete truth of people’s lives. Instead channel that energy to represent the best version of your business and achieve the vision you see for it.
  • Don’t be a perfectionist when it comes to your business. Spend time doing more, cram all the tasks you aim on completing into shorter periods.
  • Aim on marketing your business where the customers are. Focus promoting your services on social media platforms and mainstream marketing sources so you can reach your potential target market. Don’t limit yourself to your geographically, use the internet to reach a more global audience.
  • Don’t charge lower prices for your coaching services in lieu of better testimonials and business referrals. It’s better to spend the time prospecting for people who will pay the worth of your services.
  • Charging a reasonable price also leads to significantly better quality of services that will be delivered to your client.
  • The service packages you offer will evolve as your business grows. Find out what the marketplace is hungry for and feed it to them.
EPISODE RESOURCES:

You can find Marc at naturalborncoaches.com

His private Facebook group for coaches is available at thecoachingjungle.com
And if you want to sign up for his newsletter: secretcoachclub.com

And if after listening to this, you’re inspired to get coaching (and maybe even start a coaching business of your own), Click here to apply for coaching.



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Marc Mawhinney 00:01
So, I just jumped out there and I did it. You know, I didn't have this detailed business plan and I just said, "Hey, I'm gonna do it." I slapped up a website. I got 500 business cards printed. I had the most general, not only as a niche because it wasn't a niche, so I said, "Hey, I'm a coach for entrepreneurs." because I've gone through all this stuff, and I have a passion, love entrepreneurs and entrepreneurship. And I said, "I want to help entrepreneurs."

Introduction 00:29
This is Happen To Your Career. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Sarah 00:52
I'm going to be the operations coordinator for CASA which is... stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:59
This is Sarah. She has many passions and skills, which actually made it kind of difficult for her.

Sarah 01:04
My whole career type story has been one of, sort of, bouncing around because I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I could never figure it out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:14
Listen for Sarah's story later on in the episode to learn how she used career change bootcamp to help her finally figure out what fits her.

Sarah 01:21
I had the opportunity to really just kind of try to figure it out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:30
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you're listening to Happen To Your Career. The show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories, we get to bring on experts like Karenina Jahnigen, who helps high performers figure out what's stopping them and overcome that immediately, or people that have pretty amazing stories like Cesar Ponce de Leon, who has been on an interesting journey and discovered what he loves, and comes from a background in marketing all the way to what he's doing now. And you can find all those plus more, because these are all people just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. Today, we get to talk to Marc Mawhinney.

Marc Mawhinney 02:12
Just a little bit of background, I'm in Atlanta, Canada, which is a little more conservative part of the world. People here are used to being, okay, you're an insurance guy, or a real estate woman or a lawyer, you know, those type professions. So they say, "What do you do?" And I say, "Well, I'm a coach who coaches coaches." And they look at me like I have two heads, right? Like, "what heck is that?" Or they're thinking coaching has something to do with athletics. And oh, geez, "what are you, like, heading to the NBA or something?" So they don't really get it, although it's getting better in this part of the world. So I'm essentially a business coach, and the people that I help or other coaches with their business, anyone that comes to me that owns a bricks and mortar type business, or something like that, I refer them off, I only work strictly with coaches.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:55
As Mark and I have this conversation, you get to hear how to get into coaching in the first place, if that's something that you're interested in, even if it's not something you're interested in, you want to understand how it works, and how that can happen, and how coaching can benefit you on any side. And I'll tell you that back when I was in HR, the bulk of what I did was coaching. And that's actually what got me into HR in the first place was having a tiny bit of coaching experience and having that skill set that went along with it. So we get into all that, plenty more plus the "Leapfrog Theory", and how that can actually help you and how you can benefit from that. And the importance of linking coaching in business. Because a lot of people don't really understand that capacity, especially if you ever want to make this a business of your own someday. Or even if you have that interest in. We also get deep into comparison bias. And that's not something that is particularly helpful to you. So be careful who you compare yourself to. And we talk about how to do that part differently because it happens. It happens to us as humans. And also, Marc and I talked about not limiting yourself to your local geographic area. So many people are very focused on, "Hey, I live in Vermilion, Ohio. And there's only so many companies in Vermilion, Ohio." But the reality is you don't have to be limited anymore. And you haven't for a number of years by what's in your immediate area. And that is so cool. So tell you about that and a whole bunch more, especially if you're one of those people that might be interested in staying where you're at but still having a life and a career you love. Alright, Marc has a pretty amazing story about how he got to where he is now.

Marc Mawhinney 04:45
It's funny because actually the coaching industry wasn't really a coaching industry way back and updating myself but I would have been in that age bracket and around the late 80s. So the coaching industry wasn't a thing like it is now. But really it happened by accident, I'm an accidental coach. But then on the other side of it, I was coaching for years not realizing, which sounds kind of strange to say it but to make a long story short, actually I was in real estate for my whole adult life starting at 21. And I was 21 years old, I look probably 15-16 years old, I always joke that I look more like the paper boy than a real estate agent, you know, showing up to the doors. I looked young, you know, and I look a few less gray hairs and I have now probably. So I started in real estate, and I spent a decade building up my real estate, you know, 10 year, roughly where everything was going perfect. Every year, my business was doubling, and I was adding people to my team. And just enough hard work, I'm pretty soon as the number one agent out of 300, and some agents in the city and things are going great. And I picked the absolute worst time to expand my business, which was 2009. Anyone listening, they know where the story's going, you know, with the real estate market globally around then. And I grew to a couple offices and 100 agents and employees, and everything's going great until it wasn't going great. And everything collapsed. And that's in itself, we could probably do a whole series on that 100 episode type thing here to go over. But...

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:13
The 100 episode collapsed. It's a new podcast.

Marc Mawhinney 06:15
Yeah, that's right. By the end of it, I'll just be like, I don't know, drinking my face off, or something, sitting in the dark room, you know, just totally depressed now. It was interesting. I can look back now, and I realized that was actually a great thing that happened. If we were doing this interview in August of 2009, I would have been thinking something a little different. But after the business closed, you know, I stumbled through the wilderness for a few years, not literally, but not knowing what I was going to do, you know, so I kind of got back into real estate, and I was going to be doing some flipping, and then that didn't work out, I went through another stumble there. And then by 2012, I said, "You know what, I'm done with real estate. I'm not having fun. This isn't enjoyable. And I don't want to do this for the rest of my life." And it was actually through the help of several coaches and mentors that got me back on track. And then I started saying, "Okay, what do I want to do for my next business?" And that's how I got into coaching. And I started my coaching business it was... at the beginning of 2014. And it's funny because it feels like it's a lot longer, because I've done so much with my podcast, Natural Born Coaches, it has 500-ish episodes now, and just... I've crammed a lot into three, four years, basically. And that's how I got into coaching. But I'd actually been coaching for many years with my real estate team, just I didn't realize I was coaching at that time. But looking back, there's a lot of similarities and a lot of crossover with coaching there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:36
You know, short of the 100 episodes that are going to be produced later, that's a really compelling story. And I think there's a couple of things that I take away from that, one, seems like so many of us that have made big changes have been born out of seemingly not good events, I suppose.

Marc Mawhinney 07:52
Right.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:53
And I think that is, I don't know, it's hard to keep that in the moment. Like, for me, one of those was when I got fired from my first professional job way back when and then like, screw this, I'm not doing work that I don't like anymore, because it was terrible. But, you know, at the moment, same as if we were talking in 2009, when all that happened for you, it wouldn't have been very exciting at all.

Marc Mawhinney 08:12
It was a strange experience, because I had 10 years of no stumbles whatsoever, you know, and don't get me wrong, it was a lot of work, you know, I worked my butt off, it was a lot of 100 hour weeks, I was pretty much at a cell phone to my ear unless I was in the shower. And I'm sure I probably did some deals in the shower, too, you know. It was a lot of work, but there was no stumbles. So then you look at 2009, when that closure came, it was a messy closure. I mean, there's never a totally clean business closure, really, there's always going to be issues, but I mean, my part of the world, it's a cat get stuck in a tree, that's front page news. Like, there's not much going on here. And when that happened, suddenly, public enemy number one, you know, front page of the newspaper, and, you know, I could see it in a lot of other markets, it probably would have been on Section C page 25, if anything, you know, it's a real estate business, there's 100 agents and employees. But in this case, it got a little bit overblown with a lot of stuff. And that's okay, I can take responsibility. And if the business hadn't closed, that wouldn't happen. So that's my fault. But I hit a point where I said, "You know what, enough is enough. Like, I'm tired of getting kicked around here." And I learned actually more in that period of those couple years where I was going through that failure. And that struggle to find myself. I learned more in that time than I learned 10 years of the good years through there, which is, so failure can be good and actually take the lessons from it and you can turn it into something positive, as long as you don't wallow in self pity and, you know, stay down. So I got back on the horse took a little bit of time. And then I had enough of people kicking me around basically said, "You know what, that's a very powerful motivator, too, by the way to prove the haters and the critics wrong."

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:46
So I'm super curious, since you've gone through that, how do you sort of engineer that? Because one thing that I heard you say, which I absolutely agree with, and there's a lot of evidence behind that facts, not opinion, is that you're going to experience some of the highest degrees of learning through some of those failures or in some cases, you know, high stakes type events or whatever you want to call that bad, conventionally things that people would consider bad. Right? So looking at that now and having gone through that, have you encountered any ways that you can either engineer that or shorten the failure cycles or what's been your experienced there?

Marc Mawhinney 10:24
Well, the way that I did it was I did something that Chin Ning Chu talked about in the book, "Thick Face, Black Heart" she wrote it back in the early 90s. Not many people know about that book, it's kind of a cross between the art of war and thinking grow rich. And very few people read it, I read it a few times a year, because I love it. It's probably my favorite book. But Chin Ning Chu and that book talked about something that she called the "Leapfrog Theory". And what it was basically, she was originally from China. And then later in life, adult life she was in, I believe it was Portland, Oregon, and she won a government position that a lot of people in that city wanted. And suddenly they started trying to trip her up. And she couldn't do anything without people. A lot of rumors, a lot of lies being spread about her, just anything I could do. A lot of people were jealous of that and she was getting very frustrated playing in that I say, small sandbox, I'm not saying Portland's a small place by any means. But if she was still feeling very trapped, and once she decided to do what she said, "I'm not going to play their game anymore." She said, "I'm going to start writing books and speaking on teaching Western business people, Asian principles, business practices" and she said, "I'm going to become the expert on it." And she did it. You know, she wrote very popular books, she was a regular on Larry King, she was on all this media and stuff. And suddenly the people in Portland, Oregon couldn't touch her because she leapfrog them, you know, dealing with Larry King, and all these big vehicles and stages. And that's essentially what I did with my haters and critics as well. I just didn't realize it at the time, because I actually read the book after I engineered it. I stumbled over by accident. But what I'm doing in the coaching world is I said, "I'm not gonna play in the small market of 100,000 people that operates very much like a small town of 5000. I'm just not playing the petty little games, you know, and stuff. And I'm going to work with people around the world, I want to affect people around the world." And it's not to knock real estate, you know, I had a lot of good years there. But I can't impact the number of lives selling houses in a small Canadian province, in a small city in a Canadian province. Compared to coaching, I can touch a lot more lives and have a lot more fun and, you know, make an impact, have more fun, it's no brainer. So I did that leapfrog theory, where I just started dealing with people all around the world, people like you take, for example, popular show like this, rather than playing in that little sandbox. So anyone listening, go read, and I'm not an affiliate, by any means.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:51
Just a fan.

Marc Mawhinney 12:52
Yeah. That's... I'll get 10 cents for every book sale, but no, read "Thick Face, Black Heart" because I wish I'd read that book in 2009. It probably would have shortened that whole process even more than it was instead taken a few years to get back on my feet. It maybe would have been a year, who knows.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:06
"Thick Face, Black Heart" I didn't catch the author's name though. How did you spell that?

Marc Mawhinney 13:10
Unfortunately, she passed away but her name was Chin Ning Chu.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:16
Chin Ning Chu. Okay.

Marc Mawhinney 13:17
You got her.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:17
Perfect. Appreciate that recommendation. I haven't read that one yet. Well, let me shift gears on you then a little bit. Now that I've got another awesome book to add to my list here. When you're thinking about this coaching business and coaching as a business, how did you get started, first of all? Because, you know, we talked about that, you moved into this industry, we talked about where you're at now. But how did you really get started? What did it take for you to get your first couple of clients and how did that look for your journey?

Marc Mawhinney 13:47
My approach has always been very much "ready, fire, aim" as opposed to "ready, aim, and fire." And that's like the book podcast today. But that's actually an excellent book as well called "Ready, Fire, Aim" by Michael Masterson. But anyway, that's one you guys may want to check out as well. So I just jumped out there and I did it. You know, I didn't have this detailed business plan. And I just say, "Hey, I'm gonna do it." I slapped up a website. I got 500 business cards printed. I had the most general, not only as a niche because it wasn't a niche, I said, "Hey, I'm a coach for entrepreneurs" because I've gone through all this stuff. And I have a passion, love entrepreneurs and entrepreneurship and I said, "I want to help entrepreneurs." So it wasn't terribly focused in there and later months, I would narrow down from that. But when I got started, I just said, "Hey, I'm a coach for entrepreneurs, you know, I want to help" and I didn't do formalized certifications and training and everything, I really got started just by doing it. You know, those initial clients getting started with one on one, and then got busier and busier. And then eventually what had happened and where it really took off is I had two of my clients who were coaches. And when I compare those clients to the sessions that I had with clients that weren't coaches, night and day, I much preferred working with the coaches. They were more fun. I enjoyed helping them with their marketing and their programs. And everything else. So it's knock to knock Joe from Joe's plumbing. It's just, I jelled a lot better with those coaches. And I said, "I'm going to focus solely on that niche on." That's when I launched my podcast, Natural Born Coaches and started to really focus in and hone in on that world. And that's where things really took off from there. So anyone listening who's a coach, or who's thinking of becoming a coach, it's great, but you really nowadays I find half a bit more of a target, as opposed to saying, "Hey, I'm nothing against life coaches, you know, I think that their hearts in the right place and stuff, but it is easier if you can narrow it down somewhat." And that's when things took off for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:37
So talk me through that then. Because I wholeheartedly agree with that. I think you save yourself so much pain, even talk to a specific group of people versus a very, very general group of people. But I mean, to your point, sometimes it's more important just to actually get started and go do the thing versus have the 42 page business plan that spent seven...

Marc Mawhinney 15:59
It's obsolete.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:00
Yeah, exactly. And this is something that before we hit the record button, I told you that my hope was, we could talk through what this actually looks like, here's the first couple of steps to getting this thing up and started so that people can actually get going. So for those folks that are thinking of getting a coaching business started, or have been trying and haven't had as much success as they would look like, let's talk about that. And let's operate from that. What do they do?

Marc Mawhinney 16:26
Yeah, the first thing to get out of the way is if you're a perfectionist, don't beat it out of of you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:31
Stop doing that.

Marc Mawhinney 16:33
Oh my god, if you're a perfectionist, you shouldn't be in business. I'm sorry, it sounds harsh, but it's true. Because I've seen perfectionist that takes six months to create a lead magnet, say for an email opt in, when it should take a couple hours, literally takes six months. So you'll drive yourself crazy. So if you're perfectionist, don't be perfectionist. But the first step that I would take is don't put a lot of pressure on yourself thinking that, "hey, whichever direction I pick to go into for coaching, I'm going to be doing this for the next 50 years." And you're tied to it and it's written in stone, you know, and then you put all this pressure on yourself, and you don't know, can I make money in that niche? And is it too narrow? Is too wide? And you really freak yourself out. A good way to get started, I would say, is look at different coaches that are out there, do some market research, not six months worth or a year's worth of market research, but, you know, go online and find some coaches doing some different things that resonate with you. Yeah, I really like what he's doing. I like what she's doing. That Scott guy is, you know, in that career world, I'd love Happen To Your Career, you know, I'd be interested in looking at that. And then they start spying on Scott in a way, they sign up for your email list. And any of the coaches that are interesting, sign up for their email list, see what they're talking about, see what they give out there for their free resource for their email, and do some market research that way. And that's probably the first start, we'll give you a perfect example. There's someone that I once knew, and he was interested in helping men get through breakups, that was essentially his niche, and he was coming out of a breakup himself. And he really thought he would enjoy that niche. And after doing it for a little while, he decided, you know what, this is kind of depressing. I don't want to work with heartbroken guys that looking for to get back on the horse. I want to do something different. It is sometimes you don't know that. You may think, "hey, I want to be a cancer coach" for example. But then it's just too hard emotionally, and it's not working. But you'll never know unless you try it. So get out there, just start doing some different things. Don't put pressure on yourself. And I think pretty soon you're gonna find out what you enjoy. And when you get out there and you get offering some sessions and stuff, you're gonna see who's attracted to you. So you may realize that, hey, 14 out of the 15 people were middle aged women between the ages of 45 and 50, who, whatever couple other things there. So that's who really seems to be attracted to me. I should explore this a little bit more.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:49
Absolutely love that. I've got 17 thoughts in my head. So I'm trying to decide which one to say first here but love it particularly because really, and to your point, and I mean, I think you've acted upon this as well. So your pro-positive and my story is very, very similar too, is just start doing it versus, I don't know, all of the things that can get you held up necessarily. And when you start doing it, you will have observations, you will have patterns, you'll have learnings, you have feedback, now created a feedback loop by actually going and doing the thing. So then you can observe, hey, I like this more than I like this. Okay, well, let's do more of this. And that's how it realistically works. This is why I wanted to have you on Marc. All our conversations have been very practical and useful.

Marc Mawhinney 19:38
Well what you're supposed to say Scott is, "Marc, I want to thank you. I made seven figures in a month by hiring you. And all my success is due to you Marc." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're joking.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:49
I only named two of my seven children.

Marc Mawhinney 19:51
Yes. But it's funny because I get coaches reaching out to me and they, to paraphrase ask in 50 words or less, can you tell me what I have to do to make six figures this year as a coach? And they want it handed to them on a silver platter. You know, here you go. It's only 48 words, here you go, here's how you do it. There's no magic answer. So whenever I'm talking about coaches, I always say to somebody, "So why do you have a coaching business?" If I just met you, I didn't know... you've been on my show, Scott. And we've talked a lot. But if I didn't know you, I'd say, "So why do you have a coaching business?" I don't say "why are you a coach", because coaching and business are two words that go together. You're an entrepreneur when you're a coach. And unfortunately, too many coaches come from backgrounds that they didn't have to sell, they didn't have to go out there and prospect, they didn't have to get people through the door. So they come from, say, an HR background, or they were a teacher, and they're all great careers, don't get me wrong, they're passionate about helping people, but they never had to go out of their cave in the morning with a club and, you know, beat something over the head and drag it back to eat it. And that's essentially what business and, I know sounds crude, but the sales is, you know, you have to go out there and you have to kill in order to eat. And they get started, they get perhaps their certification, they get their website up and realized, "Oh, shoot! I don't have a clients. How do I get clients?" So I always ask people, "why do you have a coaching business?" So I tie those two words together because if you're not willing to operate as an entrepreneur, or as a salesperson, you're probably not going to make it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:18
So moral and lesson number one, get yourself a club.

Marc Mawhinney 21:22
Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And get a little leopard skin, like, kind of, a Flintstones, you know, rope wrapper.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:29
Perfect. So here's kind of what I'm pulling out, like all joking aside, I think that's a big mindset change for people and how they're thinking about this. And I'm interested in what you find, too, because you talk to these people all the time as well. But when I talk to people that are interested in being coaches, then we find a lot of people that are not looking at it, or not interested in it for the business purposes, necessarily, except to the extent of what they see that will get them.

Marc Mawhinney 21:56
Yeah, well, the way that they're looking at it in getting started is they think, "oh, I'll be coaching 80% of the time with clients. And then the other 20% of the time will be, you know, a little bit of marketing and tidying up paperwork, a little bit spreadsheets, you know, for accounting, but most of my time is going to be spent coaching" and you know what it's like, Scott, the reality is it's flipped, you know, you're lucky you're spending 20% coach, and maybe 10% or less coaching, and then the rest is going out to find those clients. And I think the problem is in today's landscape, you know, 2017, you go on to Facebook, and you're hit with all these ads, with people standing in front of rented mansions, Lamborghinis, yachts, promising seven figures as a coach, if you buy my super secret system and just implement my special funnel, and you won't even have to work, you know, you got to work five minutes a day on it or so. And then the rest of the time you're sipping girly drinks on the beach, and they get and they buy into that dream, and then all sudden they get in and see that doesn't work. And then it's, "oh, shoot, what do I do?" And, you know, that's one thing I'll say, if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. And especially in those first couple years, I found that it took probably between year two and three of my coaching when it was really getting rolling, it took at least a year to figure out what the heck I was doing and be able to actually took 11 months to be make enough to move from my sales job because it was a good sales job for a telecommunications company. I worked from a home office and it was super flexible. But it took close to a year before I could go into coaching full time where the numbers were there. And it's gonna take that time it's not... I talked to some coaches, sometimes they're like, "Oh, man, I've been at this for so long. It's not rolling. What's going on?" And I'll say, "How long have you been doing it?" They're like, "Oh, my god, three months or six months" you know, I can't believe it. And I'm like, "Man, you're just a babe in the woods, you rookie at this stuff. It's gonna take at least a couple years to get your feet under you. But then you get rolling with it. So you got to be patient with the process as well."

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:50
I love that. Thank you for dropping that truth. And I've been taking, sort of, an informal poll for about four years now, just with people how long it takes to really get to that kind of inflection point where it gets, hate to use the word easier because really just your challenges change, but in some ways you gained enough momentum where it's not like you get to the point where you can support yourself in one way and even meet your expectations in another way for what you set out to do the business and seems like most people are between, like, that two and a half to three and a half year mark.

Marc Mawhinney 24:24
Yeah, that's what I found as well. Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:26
But that's an interesting thing in itself, too. Because I would say to your point, like, you know, you asked to be like, "Ah, that's so long. How long has it been? Well, 45 days." And I don't think most people are going into it, looking at it as long term type of gig.

Marc Mawhinney 24:42
Yes, humans are impatient, right? And that's coming from me. I'm the most impatient man in the world, probably. I'm working on my patience. But I think what's really difficult nowadays is that you log into Facebook or whichever social media platform you frequent and you're seeing everybody putting out there, what's quote by Steven Furtick when he talks about "don't compare behind the scenes of someone else's highlight reel." And that's what it's like. Everybody's putting their highlight reel out there. So they all wake up brightener, a chipper at 5am, they run 10 miles, the scale a mountain in whatever city they're in, and then they're back to make love to their beautiful supermodel wife or their gorgeous husband all before 9am. And then they're making five figures by soccer every single day. And that's what you're seeing whenever you open up your computer. And that's where it gets difficult because you're not seeing all the struggles and you're seeing people that are BS and you're thinking "Man, that's so easy for them. Why I've been at this 45 days or 50 days, why the heck am I not doing all that stuff before 9am?" And it's just, it's an illusion.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:44
I find that depresses me. So I just don't even bother with it. I haven't for a couple of years now. Our business has grown enough to the point we're going to have to hire another social media person in order to...

Marc Mawhinney 25:56
Oh, congrats.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:56
Well, thank you. But I've basically been ignoring it because of that exact reason. Because I don't have enough willpower to not ignore it if I'm exposing myself constantly to that. So...

Marc Mawhinney 26:07
Yeah, you gotta be careful. I mean, with me, I have a gorgeous girlfriend, but it's 10am before we make love, 9am is a little bit unrealistic. But...

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:15
See, I knew there was a massive difference.

Marc Mawhinney 26:17
One really cool quote I heard, I'm pretty sure it was James Wedmore the YouTube guy. And I think that he said that, basically he was saying, "Don't compare yourself with someone further down the path than you are." So if, let's say, you're a coach, that's been in it two years, don't look at someone, like, we'll say, James, for example, he's been in this game for probably 10 years in the online space with to build stuff. Don't compare yourself to James Wedmore if you've only been at two years, and they've been at it eight or ten years, don't compare yourself to anyone. But if you can't resist it, and you have to compare yourself to someone, then compare yourself whoever just took the coaching certification with you or they've been at two years as well. But I'm really careful with that because it is depressing if you compare yourself to people who are putting up these false images on Facebook, trying to make it look like life's perfect and there's no way that it is perfect for anybody, but there's no way you can compete with that. And that's just going to get you into a funk and then you're going to get thrown off your course. So I'm all for social media. I get a lot of my business from Facebook, and I love it. But I'm also careful not to compare myself too much with other coaches there. I think it's very dangerous if you get into that game.

Sarah 27:28
I just didn't really have a thing, you know, that I felt like I was really good at. I always called myself a dabbler.

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:34
Not only did Sarah struggle with the array of passions, but she also had some other segments.

Sarah 27:39
I couldn't walk anymore and bedridden for at least a year, probably closer to two.

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:44
After she recovered physically, Sarah begin searching for a job again and struggled quite a bit.

Sarah 27:49
So I felt like I kept having all these false starts, which made me feel like I wasn't really building much of a resume. I knew was too vague. But it was because I didn't know what I wanted to do. But I just didn't ever feel like I could reach higher because I didn't have the quote unquote, experience, you know, kind of a thing. And that's where I think this course really helped.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:10
Now, Sarah was talking about Career Change Bootcamp, which helped her realize that setbacks could still be positioned to find the perfect job,

Sarah 28:17
You don't necessarily have to have the same job description for 15 years to have it apply to a new position.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:23
Sarah was finally able to figure out what fit.

Sarah 28:25
I'm going to be the operations coordinator for CASA which is, stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate, then hopefully in the next year or so bump up to the Operations Manager.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:36
Congratulations to Sarah on finding work that she loves. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, well, you can find out how Career Change Bootcamp can help you step by step because, well, that's what we do. All you have to do is go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp to apply for next opening, the next cohort, or you can text MYCOACH, that's MYCOACH to 44222. And we'll send you over an application and help you figure out if it's a great fit for you. Pause right now and go ahead and text MYCOACH to 44222.

Sarah 29:14
Being willing to be open to what is your inner self really, truly saying to you. And not just what you hear everybody else saying it should be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:24
When you're getting started, and you're actually going through the act of either finding clients, that's one of the questions that I get asked a lot, you know, where do you get clients? Like, do you just go down to Lowe's and purchase one? Or, like, how does that thing actually work? How do you get clients? Or maybe somebody has, if gotten their first two clients that happened to be friends of friends or something and now they have to actually go and find clients either outside of what they're thinking of is their friend circle, and that's where they get stuck. So how do you work with that situation? Or how do you think about that situation for somebody who's right there in that sector, that time segment, what should they do?

Marc Mawhinney 30:01
Well, I guess it really depends. First thing, I would say, when it comes to clients, you want to fish where the fish are. So if you're in a niche, or, let's say, that's not really on Facebook, maybe it's more a LinkedIn crowd or something like that. Don't spend all your time on Facebook. And don't spend it in groups of other coaches. let's say, for example, because they're not your fish. You got to go where they're at. I'm not really big on, I dropped off, cut off a couple social media networks in the last year or two that just for me weren't yielding results, and they're more distraction. So Pinterest is one. I just don't get Pinterest, there was some really cool Star Wars cupcakes and stuff like that. I saw it pinned to walls. I like Star Wars, but it's not for me for business, just not my thing. Pinterest, Instagram probably should do a little more with Instagram. But Google Plus, don't get me started there. I just didn't get what I needed from those. So I focus primarily on Facebook, and then I'm on Twitter and LinkedIn, but Facebook's really the big thing. But you got to find it where your people are at. And I'm a big fan of coaching with an online coaching business. So I'm not saying you can't make it if it's local. But there's a lot of people that are in small towns, and they're becoming life coaches, and there's 2000 people there. Well, unless you're coaching everybody in town over the next 10 years, it's going to be tough to go and I just say, why limit yourself to that small. There's that sandbox analogy again, that we talked about with "Thick Face, Black Heart", I really say, you've got the Internet, and you've got access to 7 billion people on the planet that you can reach for no cost, essentially, just a couple clicks on a keyboard. People back in the 60s, entrepreneurs in the 70s, 80s would have given their front teeth for something like this. So why would you limit yourself to your town or to your city, if possible, work with people all around the world. And that's how I do it. All my clients are from away. You know, I've got clients in Dubai. I have a few in the UK, most of them are in the US. Now I have a few Canadians, but they're not in my rate in my city, here. I've worked with one or two local clients that came to me more by accident, they heard the podcast and even when I was working with them, we worked on Skype. I wasn't doing coffee shop meetings. I hate Starbucks coaching sessions. And I said, "Let's do it by Skype" where I can do it in my pajama pants and slippers if I want, you know, we're getting hammered with 10 feet of snow here in the lovely north.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:20
I'm pretty much the same way. I've only had, I was thinking back one local client. Otherwise, most of our clients are US based. But second most UK, China, Australia, we work with a lot of people in Australia. All over the world. And same reason, why limit yourself. Especially, depending on what... to your point, what niche you're in, and what target market you're at.

Marc Mawhinney 32:45
Yeah. Fear charging the right amount for your coaching as long as you're not charging peanuts, but if you're charging what you should be, you only need a handful of good clients to have a successful business. So at anytime I'm working with a maximum five, one on one clients, and then I'll have a group often running, you know, with a couple people up to five in a group. So I might have 10 clients tops that I'm working with directly. If I can't get 10 people out of 7 billion people on the planet, I'm in the wrong business, I should go do something else. And sounds harsh to say that but if you're not able to get out there and sell yourself to the handful of people on the planet, then go do something else, you know, get a desk job nine to five somewhere. Or if you really have to do coaching, become an inside coach, you know, say for a company that where you're working inside a corporation, they handle the clients directly, and then you get to work with it. But the majority of the coaches that are out there, you have to go out there and sell yourself. It's just the way it is. It's a business.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:42
And for accuracy purposes, we want to keep this accurate. I think there's only about 5 billion people that are on the internet.

Marc Mawhinney 33:47
Oh, is there? Okay.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:48
Out of the 7.6.

Marc Mawhinney 33:49
Well, that's right, actually not everybody in the planet's on the internet. But you could also snail mail them, you know someone in Australia.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:56
Exactly. Now you're thinking. But I think that's good perspective, though, truly is not the whole 5 billion. But if you can't get 10 people out of however many billion, then I'm not sure that this is necessarily for you or this model is necessarily for you. And then that's where you look at other options. So here's a couple other quick sort of rapid fire things that I get asked all the time that I'd love to foot to you. And you mentioned price. Should I worry about price when I'm getting started, when I'm getting my first couple clients? Like, should I be worried about whether I'm charging $4000 or $7,000 for this transaction? or how should I think about price? Because so many people are very very worried about that. Perfectionist. This means you. So how can, for perfectionist and non perfectionist like, how can they think about?

Marc Mawhinney 34:44
Well, I don't know if there's a huge difference between, say, 4 and 7000, I mean $3,000 difference. But as long as you're charging enough, I hate to see coaches either working for free or charging peanuts and there's a lot of them doing that. And in their mind, they make that logic, the reasoning that they have as well, I'm just getting started, this will give me experience. So I'll improve as a coach if I'm working with people for free. And then they'll give me awesome testimonials. And they'll refer me to everyone they know. And then I can bump my prices up. I get what they're trying to say. But unfortunately, that usually doesn't work that way. Usually, what happens when you get working for free for peanuts, you're not doing great work because you're starving, and you've got bill collectors calling while you're trying to do your coaching sessions. And then you get to start to feel resentful towards those clients, like man, I'm putting in all this work, and they're not paying me anything, you know. So it's not really good way to do it. I would rather see the coach spend his or her time prospecting for people who will pay them what they're worth, as opposed to spending that time sitting on the line with someone who's not paying or not paying much, because they're not going to take it. They don't have any skin in the game. So they're not going to be great clients. They're not going to work at it. They have nothing invested. So it's a waste of everybody's time. Take the time instead to go find people who will pay you what you're worth. But be aggressive, you know, if you're out there charging, it's fine. You remember the movie, The Wedding Singer Adam Sandler?

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:09
Yes, I do.

Marc Mawhinney 36:09
Yeah. I love that movie. So do you remember he was giving piano lessons to the old woman and she was paying with meatballs? She got to put his hand out and pay with meatballs. A lot of coaches are doing that. Now I don't know if they're getting paid by meatballs, but they're getting paid the same way. You know, peanuts are very little and you don't want to do that. Don't slap your hand out, just take a couple pennies. I've always used the thought that "I'd rather have 4 shiny quarters and 130 pennies." That's the old saying, I would rather work with fewer people who are paying me what I'm worth, as opposed to more people, they're paying me nothing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:41
When I think when you get started that way, you build from a different place, too, and you start, almost think about it as if you're going to improve from wherever you start from, then you can potentially start further ahead. Versus I do know a lot of people that have been successful by starting for free. However, my observation is that a lot of times those people take longer to be able to ratchet up their prices compared to somebody who started worthwhile value exchange.

Marc Mawhinney 37:13
Yeah, the results aren't there. And the quality of client too. I mean, don't get me wrong when I charged less. Yeah, they were nice people and stuff. But I had one client in particular again, I'll go to another movie. Do you remember What About Bob Richard Dreyfus and Bill Murray?

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:26
It's slowly coming back. Barely.

Marc Mawhinney 37:30
Bill Murray was really kind of crazy guy and Richard Dreyfus was a psychiatrist. And he got referred to him because Bill Murray drove another psychiatrists Nazi retired and got out of it, because that's how bad he was. So the psychiatrist calls Richard Dreyfus, I have a client referral for you and stuff. But as he calls him, he's packing up boxes on his desk. He's getting out of it. You know, that's a crazy Bill Murray drove. Well, I guess Bob was his name in the movie. So Richard Dreyfus took his family on vacation to cottage country, and his client, Bob, or his patient follows him out there, because he was calling him every five minutes. And if you didn't get a call back, you'd have panic attacks and stuff. And he ends up falling him out there. Now, it's not a thriller, or horror movie, it's actually a comedy. So what about Bob? And that's what my client was like, I had a client who, if I didn't get back to him, I'd say within an hour, he would get really antsy and stuff like, and I'm thinking, man, you're not paying me much. I think he was paying me a couple 100 bucks a month for one on one, like, that was not good. And since I've, my fees now are quite a bit higher, I'm at 6000 US for three months. So I don't get those issues, though. And I don't have people cancel their appointments either. So when I was lower pricing, I had people canceling for stupid reasons. And that very rarely happens now, unless it's something major going on. And I think that just illustrates the more skin in the game people have, they take it more seriously. And it's just, it's a better quality client. And it's better results, it's better for you, and it's better for the client. So the more you can charge, I'm not saying you have to start at $2,000 a month, you know, bare minimum, your new coach, I would start at least at 1000 a month one on one, if you're doing say for weekly sessions, don't charge a couple 100 bucks a month.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:10
When we've experienced... one of the observations that we've had, too, as we have, and we've upped our prices quite a bit over the last few years. But the more that we up our price points, the exponentially better we've been able to make our service and therefore the results that our clients are getting.

Marc Mawhinney 39:30
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:30
And that is something that I didn't necessarily know, five years ago, I kind of suspected but didn't actually know if you would ask me at that point in time. But that's been a really interesting observation. So then it gets that momentum rolling because that gives us a little bit more time actually, it says substantially more time. And then it allows us to work with fewer clients and get each of those clients significantly better results.

Marc Mawhinney 39:54
Yeah, I think your one on one time should be that sacred time that you work with people who are working with you or are paying for it, you know, and they're paying you properly. And even in my business now, I make sure that a lot of the stuff I'm doing is, I've got, this gonna sound very old school stone age's, I've got a print newsletter, income paper newsletter for coaches. And there's reasons why I do it that way, that would be a whole other show. But it's called Seeker Coach Club, and I'm doing things like that. And I work with those handful of one on one clients. But the rest of the staff are things that give me leverage and allow me to reach more people. So if you're going to charge small amounts, make sure it's a hands off, kind of do it yourself, I charge $97 a month for that print newsletter. But it's the same amount of work as if I have one person in it, or a million people in it. Oh, sorry, it's not true. I have a few things in there that would be more... if I had a million people, I'd be hiring more people. But, you know what I mean, not a huge difference with the more people you get in there. And so anyone that approached me that just can't swing one on one, and they can't do my group coaching, because my group coaching is 2000 for three months, for my small groups. If they can swing that, then I can say, "Hey, look. Here's a way I can help. Here's my print newsletter. And here's the details." Then they can get my help. I'm not just throwing them away and saying bugger off, I'm actually helping them, but I'm not helping them directly with it. So that's a better way to do it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:13
So here's one more question that I get all the time is when people are getting started, and when people are moving down this track, how do they decide? And I've got my own opinions on this, but super curious about yours, because we've never had this conversation before. How did they decide how to piece together packages?

Marc Mawhinney 41:33
Yeah, well, your package is going to evolve...

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:36
Loaded question, by the way.

Marc Mawhinney 41:37
Yeah, we're gonna have to do, like, a whole series. We should co-host podcast here.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:42
So we got to do the 100 days, I don't know, whatever end podcast then we got to do the... yeah, so we got a lot of podcast to produce, Marc.

Marc Mawhinney 41:50
Yeah. Well, I mean, a lot of it's just paying attention to what your marketplace is asking for, you know, I had Robert Coorey from Australia. He was on my show. And he has "Feed A Starving Crowd" is his book. You know, the great line by Gary Halbert, the copywriter, "Find out what your marketplace is hungry for and then feed it to them" as long as you enjoy doing that. So take for my business where I'm helping coaches grow there is I just have to look and say, what are the biggest stumbles and pitfalls where coaches are getting tripped up and if I'm doing a three month coaching program, then I start to map it out. Okay, I got 12 weeks, how can I split that up, you know, and hopefully I've got roughly 12 points which way it works out. And then we cover one a week and, you know, we can go back and do some review on some other stuff. So I think a lot of it is just using those two things by the side of your head, you know, your ears, and ask your marketplace, I mean, Ryan Levesque, another guy, he has a great book "Ask" he has a "Ask Method", just go out there and ask them what they need, what they need help with. And too few people do that they try to say, now, this is what I want to do. And I'm gonna try to fit the square into a circle hole and that doesn't fit, right, that peg and it doesn't work. So find out what the marketplace is hungry for and then feed it to them.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:00
To some degree, I mean, that's how these questions are coming about because this is something that I've heard again and again from folks that are interested in getting started with their own coaching business or have just gotten started more recently. And so that's how these questions get to you. But then I think the other thing that I'm taking from what you said there is, if you go and do that and they're asking for something, you can start with whatever result you want to deliver and then work backwards from that in order to create your package and that's kind of what I'm hearing from what you're saying if I'm interpreting it correctly.

Marc Mawhinney 43:32
Right. Yeah, and that doesn't matter how much time you spend putting your package together, it's never going to follow that exact script. You've probably seen this too with your, Scott, is you think okay, here's what we're gonna focus on but then all sudden it goes in different directions because people are telling you, "Hey look, I need help on this" and, you know, even when I do my group sessions there's no two groups that are the same. You've got five different people I have in my groups and there's all sorts of different things popping up. So you don't have to have it all mapped out, I mean, it's good to have a rough guideline with, hey, this is the path I want to take them on but you're never going to have a completely scripted regardless of how well you know your marketplace you're going to get hit with some stuff from left field. So just don't overthink it and there's a perfectionist thing we talked about again. Don't be a perfectionist with it. Just get out there and do it your first... you're not gonna be as good, you know, in the early stages but you'll get better.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:23
So what are the biggest questions that you get when people are starting now?

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:27
You've asked a lot of them. "How do you get clients?" is a big one, you know, because how do you get clients and get asked often, "Do I have to be certified if I'm a coach?" and that could, there's another podcast.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:37
I know, man. That might be a rant slash podcast slash, yeah.

Marc Mawhinney 44:41
Yeah. You don't... if I had a dollar every time I heard that question, I wouldn't be talking with you today. I'd be down on my private Islands, you know, with my jets and stuff, my private planes. So I get asked often, if you have to be certified or should be certified, I get asked, "Oh god. What coaching niche should I do? You know, is this the right niche?" Or niche, I guess my American friends, you guys call it 'niche'. So things like that, that they get asked. And I think a lot of people are just... they get themselves so worked up, they haven't even gotten out there or very little and all sudden they're wanting to switch everything around. And they're all paranoid about things and working themselves into a tizzy. And it's kind of like riding a bike, you know, you can read every book out there on how to ride a bike before you actually get on the bike. And you could think, "Okay, I know how to do it" but you're gonna fall and you're gonna bang your knees up and get cut and bruised and scraped, and I think there's too few coaches out there, they're willing to just take off the training wheels and jump on that bike and get beat up. They want to have everything perfect before they get out there. And that's just not the way that you learn.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:42
Totally agreed. So what is your answer? And then I'll throw in my opinion on the coaching certification piece.

Marc Mawhinney 45:49
You watch your show is actually sponsored by one of these certifications. So if you lose your sponsor...

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:54
You know our sponsor.

Marc Mawhinney 45:55
And then suddenly that talks about my haters in 2009. It's an interesting question, because it's hard to answer in a soundbite. I'm not certified. So that would tell you right there that I may have a bit of a bias. But I think that there are good coaches who are certified, but then I think there's lousy coaches that are certified as well. And then vice versa. So when I say that I'm not certified, I spend a lot of money, 1000s of dollars every year between workshops, and between programs and things to grow, you know, and to improve, because I think that that's important. I prefer to choose where I invest that money as opposed to saying, "Okay, I need that piece of paper on the wall for that certification. So here's 10k, you know, give me that piece of paper, because I need that." And I don't mean to insult anyone going through certifications, because there's some awesome certifications out there. And I've had a lot of those people on my podcast. So I think they're great. I think what's happened though, lately is there's a lot of really not good certification programs popping up because they see coaches as an easy target. And, hey, pay me 5k and then all sudden, you get done. And then oh, well, you got to get to next level, you got to pay me an extra 5-10k. And then the other problem that it has is the coaches going through it are doing these practice coaching sessions with their bodies from the certification. And they get so frustrated after a year of doing these because they're not doing real coaching sessions, like with paid clients, they're actually just coaching with the other coaches in the certification. And it doesn't feel real, and they get frustrated. And then the worst thing is I've had people go through certifications, and then they start working with me. And then they don't have money to pay for 20 bucks a month for AWeber for an email list, or they don't have 100 bucks a month to pay for their go to webinar or whichever webinar platform they're going with because they just shelled out 5 or 10k on certifications. And they've got diploma, the certification, the paperwork, but they don't have any clients and then no clue how to get the clients. So I think a lot of the certifications need to focus more on how to get clients as well as opposed to just the craft of coaching. And yeah, there's my two cents. Send the hate mail to Marc at Natural Born Coaches.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:01
Go ahead and make that out. Actually, you can double copy, because that's actually very, very similar to my feelings on it. And I think the only thing that I would add to that is question, why you want a certification? What purpose do you want that to serve in the first place? Because if you're looking at it for credibility, because I get a lot of people that are like, "Oh, well, I just don't know if I have the credibility. But if after I get the certification, I'll have all the..." if that doesn't make or break, whether clients are coming to your door.

Marc Mawhinney 48:27
Well, here's all the sky because I just got a new printer. So if anyone wants my certification, they can send $5,000, I'll give you the address, and I'll ship first class mail. There's your certification. You've got it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:29
To the same door as the hate mail...

Marc Mawhinney 48:41
It's an inevitable coach's official certification and you're the most qualified coach on the planet.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:46
Exactly. If that is the sole purpose, then it's probably not a good idea. If you're looking for on the flip side, like you mentioned, you know, people that are learning how to coach, there are some programs that really are much more about the piece of paper, and I'm going to call it, testing for comprehension, but you know some of the points, but really aren't about teaching you how to actually do that. And then there's still others that don't necessarily use effective methodologies. But all that said, there are a few really good programs that I've seen out there as well. So not the squash the few good ones that are out and about.

Marc Mawhinney 49:19
Yes, and I probably shot myself in the foot with some potential sponsors, but I will say there are good ones out there and they're worth every penny. It's just deciphering which ones are they. And when someone approached me with one I've never heard of, from someone that I'd never heard of that's offering it, then I'm thinking like man, you know, this probably isn't worth 5k or 10k. But there you have it. There's my two cents, my rants over.

Scott Anthony Barlow 49:44
I sure appreciate you taking the time and coming over here and spend it with us and helping people understand how to think about this differently and how to get started and get up and running. This has been awesome. Where can people find out, first of all, you already tell where you can send the $5,000 check...

Marc Mawhinney 49:58
For my certification.

Scott Anthony Barlow 49:59
But where can people find out more about you?

Marc Mawhinney 50:02
Yeah, the best spot would be naturalborncoaches.com not "naturalbornkillers.com" you won't get us. But naturalborncoaches.com. The other place I'm spending a lot of my time I've got a Facebook group that right now we've got about 5000 coaches in there. It's awesome, sharing a lot of value. And it's free. It's a coaching jungle. So if you go to thecoachingjungle.com, you'll connect in the group there, we'd love to have you. And finally, secretcoachclub.com is the income paper, prehistoric newsletter, the snail mail. Well, not even snail mail. We do it by Priority Mail, but we send directly to people's, to coache's homes right to their door once a month. So that's secretcoachclub.com.

Scott Anthony Barlow 50:40
Very cool. Go check it out. I'm a member of that Facebook group as well. I don't spend a ton of time on Facebook. But when I have, I've seen good things coming out of that group. And certainly been on the podcast, listen to the podcast, go over and check that out too, the good stuff. Hey, really appreciate it. Thanks again for taking the time and making the time appreciate it, Marc.

Marc Mawhinney 50:59
Yeah. Well, thanks for having me, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:01
Do you enjoy helping other people? Or maybe people keep coming to you for advice? Or do you find yourself ending up in conversations about people's career over and over again? If you just find that you can't stop helping other people in these areas that you're enjoying and want to do more of it. Plus, maybe you want to add in more freedom or flexibility or travel or other ways to help others and you really want to take control of your own life and help other people do work that they love doing by making a huge impact, well, then guess what, if even just one of these is true, it's probably a safe bet that you would enjoy coaching full time tremendously, to receive more in depth help and get our 14 day series on How To Become A Career Coach and learn whether or not career coaching is viable for you and the right thing for you. And learn from other career coaches that have built businesses full time, part time, as a side business, and everything in between. Then you head on over to howtobeacareercoach.com and sign up for that series. Take a listen to what we've got in store for you, next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.

Kelly 52:17
They really didn't have a lot of, you know, processes in place. And it was very, you know, just kind of shoot from the hip. I mean, here's we're continuing, they didn't have anything really defined, it was very difficult to do business. I didn't even have basic resources that I needed to do my job. We were constantly, you know, having management changes, and people are constantly leaving a lot of turnover. And that's completely normal for organization.

Scott Anthony Barlow 52:40
That's right, all that and plenty more next week. It's here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you next week, when the episode releases on Monday. Alright. I am out. Adios.

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Reverse engineering impossible situations with Karenina Jahnigen

It happens to all of us: you’re cruising along (in your career, your relationship, your health, whatever).

You put your destination into the GPS, started following the directions on autopilot, and you’re fiddling with the music on the radio, take your eyes off the road for what only feels like a moment, and WHAM.

A pothole — seemingly out of nowhere — opens up and practically swallows your car tire, leaving you feeling trapped and helpless.

You were minding your own business, not paying attention, and all of a sudden, you’re stuck with a blown-out tire in the middle of the highway, watching other cars pass you by.

If you’re the kind of person who’s usually self-sufficient, a high achiever who did pretty well in school, this kind of situation is particularly frustrating.

“How did this happen? How did I end up here…and where do I go from here?”

If those questions are ones you’ve pondered at any point in your life, then keep reading. We have a heck of a podcast for you all about unconscious mindsets and how to get yourself back on track from mindset success coach Karenina Jahnigen.

When you are stuck yourself it feels your whole world is falling apart and you start questioning what is wrong with you, how is this possible, look at my track record, how did I end up here with all these successes in the past? The things you did in the past worked for who you were in the past, but your operating system is outdated.

KARENINA JAHNIGEN

Outdated mental operating systems can be incredibly painful — they keep us trapped in old beliefs that can suffocate current potential and opportunity.

Yet often in life, our places of deepest pain and suffering are the places from which we have the most to give. That’s certainly true of Karenina. Listen to her story of overcoming incredible pain and limitations throughout her life — and how she used her own learnings to help others as a coach who has helped people truly transform their lives.  

I LEARN BY TEACHING. WHENEVER I HAVE A BIG DISCOVERY OR EPIPHANY I AM SO EXCITED THAT I STAND OUT AMONGST PEOPLE ENERGETICALLY AND ATTRACT PEOPLE THAT NEED THAT HELP LOOKING FOR ANSWERS.

KARENINA JAHNIGEN

Karenina was kind enough to not just share her story with us, but also shared practical and tactical tips for how you can overcome any limitations in front of you as you’re making your own career change.

If you have ever wondered, “why am I not doing what I say I want to do?” then you need this tool.

If you’re here because you’re interested in making a career change, but haven’t been successful on your own yet, consider applying for career coaching with us at HTYC.  We have world-class, thoroughly vetted career coaches who will ask you challenging questions, offer you new perspectives on what’s possible for you, and hold you accountable for taking action.

Check out our Career Coaching program to see out your personalized one-on-one career advisor.

Karenina Jahnigen 00:01
And when I was able to do that, I just realized, like, this is what I'm supposed to do in the world. This is what I'm supposed to be helping people with.

Introduction 00:12
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what it does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:36
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. We bring on experts like Danny Rubin, who teaches people how to hack their careers by writing well, or people that have pretty amazing stories like Lisa Lewis, who has done nearly every type of job you can think of from manning the makeup closet at a fashion magazine all the way to digital marketing, and a whole bunch in between. These are people just like you, they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And today's guest is Karenina Jahnigen.

Karenina Jahnigen 01:12
Wow, well, I work with really resourceful risk takers in business, who are... they have track records of success and they have had maybe a series of smaller experiences, or they've had a larger experience, which has left them feeling like in an unwanted situation, and they're feeling stuck, trapped, or sometimes even totally paralyzed. And what I help them do is I help them break out of that state so that they can let go of everything that isn't working for them anymore, and really embracing and integrating things that are working so that they can move forward more smoothly and get to their goals.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:06
So you untrap them?

Karenina Jahnigen 02:08
Yes, I help them get completely unstuck. I help them rebound, essentially.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:14
You know what, maybe it's not funny, maybe it's only funny to me, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Is that, for something like that, our society seems to have a difficult time putting a title to that or putting it in a box. So I know everybody always wants to like, "Hey, what's your title?" So I have a title for you, it's... you're an untrapper.

Karenina Jahnigen 02:39
An untrapper. Oh, I like that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:43
I don't know what that necessarily means to anybody else, but it means something to me.

Karenina Jahnigen 02:49
Right. Well, I'm writing that down.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:52
Alright, so you are a professional untrapper. But here's the thing, being familiar with a bit of your work, and actually, ironically, also, the way that we met, here's a little behind the scenes for everybody, the way that we met, you and I actually worked with the same person, I won't go too much into detail there necessarily., but he introduced us, and having the pleasure of working with somebody that you've worked with, and knowing just how many amazing things and how working with somebody who's been untrapped and unblocked, it's a rather amazing experience seeing people on the other side of that, and it's super, super cool. And it's been so fun to be able to see the product of that.

Karenina Jahnigen 03:35
You're putting it very beautifully and it makes me really happy to hear that the results speak so loudly for themselves. Because it really is an incredible experience. It's probably the reason that I do what I do is because it is so satisfying to me to see someone who is really resourceful, but they're feeling really trapped by things that have happened to them, kind of, the emotional wounds that come as a result of being out there in the world pursuing your goals, and not necessarily making it every time, making it often but not all the time. And then seeing that progression from them being stuck to unstuck and not only unstuck, but they are on fire, and then...

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:29
On fire is definitely the right... that is the right verbage.

Karenina Jahnigen 04:34
And just it's so satisfying to me to see that they're going from completely stuck at zero to 100 in a very short period of time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:46
That is super cool. And I know a little bit about your story. But I'm also super curious about some parts because you obviously haven't... or you didn't, like, come out of the womb untrapping people, right. So I'm curious, where does this trail back to what got you set down this path if we go way back, what did your career start out as?

Karenina Jahnigen 05:06
Well, since we're talking about way back, because that's really where it started. I was born in a beautiful town in Santa Cruz County in California, I was born by the beach, and I grew up above the Arctic Circle in Norway. And from a very early age, I got to experience what it feels like to feel very different from everyone around me. And because above the Arctic Circle in Norway, Americans were complete aliens. And I'm also half indigenous Norwegian, indigenous Scandinavian. So I'm half Sámi. And those weren't particularly popular either. So I came up to about the Arctic Circle to the city called Troms when I was six, and I noticed how I was very much alive and outgoing. And that wasn't necessarily accepted there. So I needed to start modifying in order to survive, this was my experience. In order to survive, I needed to start modifying who I was being on the outside, versus how I was truly feeling on the inside. And if you can imagine, that can create some disconnect between what's happening in your life and what's happening in your mind. And over time, my experience was reinforcing that I needed to do something that was out of the ordinary because I could not fit in with the, quote unquote, ordinary people around me. And I had this growing sensation in me that I was meant to create something big in this world. And I couldn't necessarily put my finger on it. But that's what essentially was driving me. And I didn't know where, I didn't know how, I didn't know any of the details, all I knew was I was put here for a reason and I was on a mission. My mission is to find out what it was that I was going to contribute to this world. And I knew that it wasn't in accounting, or plumbing, or, you know, any kind of, quote unquote, ordinary job, it was something else. So along the way, I was also diagnosed with ADHD, and I developed an incurable medical disorder. Still incurable, but I've figured out ways to heal both of these conditions. And when I was able to do that, when I was tired of hearing the doctors say, "Karenina, you're just gonna have to live with these conditions, there's nothing we can do." I became so determined that I basically reverse engineered both of my conditions, when off medications, and build myself back up the way that I wanted to be. And when I was able to do that, I just realized, like, this is what I'm supposed to do in the world. This is what I'm supposed to be helping people with. Reverse engineering impossible situations, and then re engineering live people the way that they're meant to be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:45
So you're not just an untrap, but you're a reverse engineer untrapper. This is getting complicated.

Karenina Jahnigen 08:52
I think you're gonna have to pick one of them.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:54
Oh, my goodness, don't force it into decision. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I'm super curious then, aside from the doctor, basically giving you an ultimatum, and you accepting that as a challenge is what kind of what I'm hearing., what else led to you decide "No, I'm gonna figure this out. Like, I'm not accepting this. I'm going to figure that out."? I'm guessing that was over a period of time and not just one instance. Or was it?

Karenina Jahnigen 09:19
Absolutely no. I think it was a slow buildup. So I developed my condition when I was 15. And I was hospitalized so many times, I think I've counted that I've spent, you know, at least three to four months total of my life in hospitals and doctors offices. I've had over 90 surgeries and surgical procedures. And there was just times when I was so fatigued and tired of being trapped in a body that was not working alongside with my mind and how I saw myself. And I had interests, I was very active on top of all of this, I was growing up, I was active in all kinds of sports from downhill skiing to judo, gymnastics, and even sang solo and this cathedral in Norway. And when I got sick, it didn't make sense to me how I could be so happy and passionate about life living and being active, and then being trapped in the body that was essentially fighting me. So over time, and of course, then I should say, this is coupled with all the symptoms of ADHD, which, you know, had to do with me not wanting to focus on one thing, or being hyper focused on one thing, I mean, I've later learned how to use those things to my benefit. But growing up, there was... I didn't have an off switch and I was all over the place. So it was kind of this feeling trapped by my situation and having that discrepancy between my insides and my outside world that really grew this very powerful feed, or this tree inside of me, this tree of wanting to change. And so I had that reinforced over, you know, about 10 years or so before 10 to 12 years before I decided that now, I needed to make a change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:26
That is super interesting. I'm curious about something that you mentioned. I'm also curious your thoughts on this too, just knowing your background and experiences as well. But with ADHD, and I don't have ADHD, but I do have ADD. And I have found it in many ways to actually be just incredibly infuriatingly frustrating. And then in the same token, later in life, I've actually found it to be a huge gift as I stopped fighting against it and started working with it. And something you said about ADHD is I learned how to, you didn't say work with it, you said something else, and I didn't write it down. But what do you even mean by that in the first place? And then secondarily, how did that happen?

Karenina Jahnigen 12:15
Okay, so I said, use it to my benefit.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:18
Yeah, that was it.

Karenina Jahnigen 12:19
Yeah. So just like what you said, once I stopped fighting it, then it was much easier to start using the aspects of it that would, later on, caused me to become really, really good at what I do, because part of my ADHD, then everyone's ADHD and ADD is put together differently, we all have very different symptoms, but because it's kind of a broad diagnosis for many, many symptoms, and it's put together very differently in each of us because we also have our individual biochemical makeup, we have our own habits, and backgrounds, and eating patterns, and things that definitely impact the symptoms. So for me, once I started, I think the most important aspect of me, healing my ADHD and then having access to using some of my symptoms to my benefit, was actually letting go of all the emotional baggage surrounding the symptoms I had. The shame, the guilt, the frustration, once I started letting go of those things, my symptoms decreased. And it was easier for me to use what previously... I have kind of OCD tendencies, I can get very obsessive about things, and I get very hyper focused on things. And once I let go of the baggage and the shame, I was able to start using that to become extremely good at what I do. And I started obsessing about finding out how can I engineer my life with my mind and my body to become the way that I want it to. So removing the baggage and then embracing the symptoms and using them to my benefit was one of the most fun part, but also one of the best accelerators for my success.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:33
I find that just incredibly interesting because I look at those things, and we haven't talked a lot about this on the podcast, I'm now just realizing, which makes us even more fun, but I look at those things as a, I guess you could say a gift or you could say it's just, you know, it's part of who you are. And I think in a lot of ways, once you stop fighting against it, it seems like it's such an advantage because a lot of those things, and it's a drastic range, as you pointed out, but they allow you to think and be differently in some cases than every other human being on the planet. But that's true for everybody in different ways and I think that that's okay.

Karenina Jahnigen 15:17
I agree. I mean, it's definitely different. And everyone has access to these ways of being that accentuate people with ADD and ADHD. And I think once people with ADHD, and ADD let go of a lot of emotional baggage that they're carrying around their symptoms, they become more like others. But still, they have access to perhaps a little higher capacity of creativity, perhaps a little higher capacity of work and output, and perhaps a little higher capacity to juggle things, and manage many, many things.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:00
Okay, so jumping back here for half a second, because you discovered or began really experiencing this at 15 and then fast forward, you began looking at this completely differently, because you were unwilling to tolerate the answers that were given to you. And ultimately, that led you beginning to move down the path of, "Hey, how can I embrace this? How can I let go of the things that are holding you back and then embrace this?" So as you started down, what happened from there?

Karenina Jahnigen 16:29
Oh, that was a beautiful roller coaster ride. Well, because there were so many highs and lows, and what I mean by that is, when I made the decision, when I made the decision to change my life, to change my body, to change my career to change everything, every time I found an answer, I would have this celebration, and sometimes two weeks or sometimes longer, or sometimes even shorter periods of time, I would go on the downhill in the roller coaster ride because I thought I knew what I was looking at and I realized that, "Oh, maybe it doesn't work this way." For example, I was so happy when I finally diagnosed with ADHD, I was so happy, because it explains so many things. But then after a while, that label that had been my life raft, keeping me afloat, then became my anchor, and kept pulling me down. So I thought very many times that, "Oh, I figured it out." And then a little bit further down the line, I realized though, "No, I hadn't figured it out quite the way that I thought." So it was a really interesting experience of just finding information, applying it, failing, later on, you know, tweaking it, and then re-iterating the whole process, and finally succeeding. So it was up and down in many areas of life. Because remember, I was doing this not only with my ADHD, which is largely mental, emotional, but also living with a chronic condition. So I was doing this on multiple levels. I was looking at everything that was happening to me mentally, emotionally, physically. And then later on, this became kind of a spiritual practice as well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:34
Very cool. At what points along the way did you start realizing or did you start impacting other people with it then like, where does that begin for you? Because I'm guessing like, hey, clearly, this is, you know, these stages are fantastic. Boom, let's start charging for this. Like, obviously, people are coming in the doors and shot in the dark, probably didn't happen that way, right?

Karenina Jahnigen 18:58
No, but almost.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:00
Oh, really? Now I'm super curious. Oh, throw a curveball. I see how you are.

Karenina Jahnigen 19:06
Oh, yeah. So yeah, I think many people are the same way as I am. I also learn by teaching. Whenever I have a big discovery or epiphany, I am so excited about it, that I kind of stand out amongst people energetically and I somehow attract people who also need that help, and who are also looking for those answers. I should say that aside from ADHD, aside from my medical condition, I was also studying. I was very passionate about sales and service from a young age. There's just something really near magical to me, and I know that's a big word, but there's something about being able to serve someone and see their reaction with pleasure that was really enticing to me. So I started with sales and service at a young age, and that went into communication through project management, and then later on communication management. And as you might remember, I said I was very active growing up, then used my background in fitness, and project management and communication management to start coaching people in my 20s. And I didn't know what that was going to look like in the future, but all I knew is that I've lived in a body that hasn't worked for big periods of time and I was really grateful for all the activities I was able to do when I was able to do them. And I also saw what providing service did for me and the other person. And I was really committed to helping people have positive experiences. So I started... When I started seeing clients, I actually started off as a personal trainer, where it was also able to start teaching some of the concepts that I had then discovered over time of dealing with my own issues. And I, alongside with personal training, I started studying something called Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:29
Yeah. Why did you start studying that? I'm curious.

Karenina Jahnigen 21:32
Oh, why? Okay, so one of the things that really made a huge difference for me in my journey of dealing with some of the symptoms of ADHD early in my 20s and, you know, living with my condition was actually personal growth. And more specifically, you know, I started at a very early age with that my dad handed me a book called "Awareness" by Anthony de Mello, when I was 16. And that's when I started learning about how to live with pain. Although the book was more directed toward emotional pain, I figured out ways to apply that in my physical life. But also, I went to Tony Robbins, when I was in my early 20s, which completely changed my life back then. And when I learned that what Tony Robbins uses is NLP, I later went, "I need to be able to convey messages as powerfully as him." And that's why I studied NLP.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:36
Very cool. I'm always curious why people do things. So that's part of why I was asking. However, so you then began studying NLP?, what was that like for you? Or how did you find that that benefited you? Or other people then? No pressure. Like, 17 hour answer, I'm sure, like, you can do that in 30 seconds. No, I'm totally kidding.

Karenina Jahnigen 22:58
Well, I think I realized I just had that big sigh because it had such a tremendous impact, not only on me directly, but on people around me, and very soon to come, clients– paying clients. I would say, that through my studies of NLP, that was when I was finally able to really let go of the things that were holding me back, like really get to the bottom, to the core of some of the things, the patterns, the beliefs, the emotional baggage, that was preventing me from having a powerful of progression as I could have had sooner. And I had a complete transformation in my process of becoming a master practitioner of NLP, which, from the beginning, till then it took two years of intense studies. An application in real life simultaneously. So when I became a Master Practitioner, when I was graduating from my training, I put my condition in remission for the next year, as a result. And when I did that, I had so much energy, you know, my mind was blown, my body was healing, I could not keep my mouth shut. I was telling people about what I had just experienced. And all along the way, I help people quit smoking in less than an hour using some of these powerful tools that I learned, these techniques, these processes. People were quitting smoking, they were losing weight. People started coming to me for everything from relationships to business management and productivity. And I was continuing to heal my own body and create fantastic results. I even started powerlifting and after five weeks of training, I broke a record. And in a meet. And I was just experiencing all these amazing events that came as a result of me just applying what I had learned in my life. And I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it. So of course, I started attracting a lot of people who were like, "Can you help me with this? Can you help me with this physical issue? Can you help me with this relationship issue? Or this money?" Oh, yeah, money issue. I've helped a lot of people with that, too.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:32
In what way? When you say the money issue, like what do you mean when you say that? Lots of things jumped into my mind. So I'm curious.

Karenina Jahnigen 25:39
Yes. So while I definitely don't have, you know, I'm not necessarily the person who best balances checkbooks. But I have been able to help several people with their mindset around money, helping them change their relationship to money, how they feel about money. And I've seen some pretty wild things happen as a result. One of my clients, as a result of our VIP process together, she went home, she flew back home and within, I think it was like four months, she increased her revenue with 58%. And it all came down to, and she'll say this to herself, it all came down to her changing her beliefs about money.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:25
Very cool.

Karenina Jahnigen 26:26
And it's the same with several other entrepreneurs who just once they changed their relationship with money, they just pursued different clients. And suddenly, one of them went from being a ghostwriter for business owners and people who wanted to write novels to now being a celebrity ghostwriter with actual rock star clients. And she says, it's just because she shifted her mindset and her belief around money.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:55
This is, for me, fascinating, because, well, this is the kind of stuff I love to talk about, as it turns out, and at the same time, I know that the types of people that you've worked with in the past, especially more recently, are what I would call high performers, a people that have a track record of success, and have a pattern of past success, that are trapped for one reason or another. And I'm super curious, what are some of the biggest things that you see that hold them back? What are some of those biggest stoppages? And I know that that's probably a baited question a little bit because I know, there's probably many different things. However, what are a few of the things that you see either most commonly?

Karenina Jahnigen 27:40
Okay, great question. It is, if you think about human beings, or the human mind, it's kind of like software. And when a high performer who has been experiencing a tremendous amount of success, suddenly is no longer experiencing that success or the same momentum or for whatever reason, they're feeling stuck, it's usually as simple as the operating system being outdated, meaning, the patterns, the habit, the beliefs that make up our operating system, they have bugs in them. And it's not as big of a deal as it feels like because when you're stuck yourself, it feels like, you know, your whole world is falling apart, and you start questioning, "What's wrong with me? Or how could I make this mistake? How is this possible? You know, look at my track record, how did I end up here when I had all these successes in the past?" Well, it's because the things that you were doing in the past, they were working for who you were in the past, but your operating system is outdated, you have grown, you have evolved, so the same strategies are no longer working. And we also just like every other piece of software out there, we accumulate bugs. I mean, they're just processes that need upgrading. And we need to debug, essentially. So to translate that into what that means, I've mentioned beliefs and habits and patterns. So when I'm meeting with high performing clients who are feeling stuck, I start looking for what specifically isn't working, and why isn't it working? So let's say that a client comes to me and says, "I used to be on fire in sales. I used to pursue clients with ease. I used to go after clients. I used to really pursue them a follow up." And for some reason, I'm not doing that anymore." Okay, well, the simple thing, you know, it sounds very simple, but why not? "What are you doing instead? And why are you not doing what you say you want to do?" And then we start looking for the bugs in that area. And believe it or not, even though it sounds so simple, a lot of really interesting things come up when you start asking, "Why am I not doing what I say I want to do?" And that's where we start uncovering bugs.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:31
So what's an example of that? I'm super curious. What's an example of those things that come out? Tell us a client story that you can share. I'm on edge, I'm like leaning forward towards the microphones like...

Karenina Jahnigen 30:43
Okay, so kind of rewinding back just a tiny bit to operating systems. So our operating system is basically, our unconscious minds, mostly. And our conscious mind does a small percentage of that. I'm sure you guys have heard, like the myth that we only use like 5 or 10% of our brains. That is not true.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:08
That is one that is circulating out there.

Karenina Jahnigen 31:10
Yes, it's hilarious. But I get it, because what they're actually referring to is that the conscious mind only is connected to about 5% of the brain, everything else is our unconscious mind. So our operating system is a combination of our conscious mind and our unconscious mind. And we form our paradigm for what we believe to be real in this world by the time that we are eight years old. What that means is that we have solidified, by the time we're eight, an image of how things in the world work. And when we then later on in life, so that means that we're building our entire worldview, on top of a paradigm that was solidified by when we were eight, which means that there are some beliefs in there. For example, men are bad, we make up ideas like men are bad, or women are bad, or asking for what I want is scary.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:19
That's an interesting one, having little kids, too, like being conscious of saying "no", and having repercussions for people, for our kids asking for what they want. That's something that's constantly on my mind, especially since I have some less than eight year olds.

Karenina Jahnigen 32:33
Yes, exactly. And it's so interesting. I mean, didn't use to interest me that much before. But after I started studying the mind, children have become absolutely fascinating to me. Because they are constantly experiencing the world through their nervous system. They're learning about everything new, they're learning about hot, they're learning about cold, they're learning about people, they're learning about animals, pain and pleasure. And they're creating ideas and that are forming belief that actually will, in many cases, remain true until later on in life when that belief is challenged. So that's where it comes, let's say, this person that way, this hypothetical person comes to me and says, oh, well, you actually asked for a real case. So I did have someone who was challenged in sales suddenly. And we went exploring, of course, through elicitation process in really looking for where are you stuck. And we did find that at pre eight years old, he had had an experience of of asking for he wanted, and the reaction of the mother, who was probably going through her own emotional stress at the time, she had rejected him, not giving him what he wanted, because of the intensity of the situation that had essentially wired into his nervous system, this fear of asking for what he wanted. Now, what's interesting is that in very many cases, those experiences, they just kind of get stored in our nervous system deep down in our unconscious minds as well. And they don't come to the surface again. However, later on in life, this person was in his late 20s when he came to me. Later on in life, he had experienced a set of other stressors that had caused him to just feel overall more stressed in life. And then when he had gone into negotiate him being in a stress state, he had actually, the situation of the negotiation along with his stresses, other places in life had actually recreated a very similar experience to him physically now as back when before he was 8. Am I making sense?

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:03
No, this is totally making sense.

Karenina Jahnigen 35:11
Because of the stress levels that he was currently experiencing, that were similar physiologically as when he was younger, that triggered this belief that he couldn't have what he wanted. And so unconsciously, he was then running this triggered belief that I can't have what I want and if you have that running at the back of your mind, when you're negotiating, what do you think is gonna happen?

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:37
It's not gonna be good.

Karenina Jahnigen 35:44
Because the human mind is wired for, because this is how we... only way that we can actually process information is by generalizing the information, deleting the information that we don't need and distorting it to save it in our mind, the only way that you can be when you're in that negotiation state, if you're running a belief that you can't have what you want, is to find evidence of that to be true. So that means that if you go into negotiating, running a belief that you can't have what you want, your mind is going to look for evidence that it cannot to reinforce that belief. That's just how we work, the human mind works.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:32
We are constantly looking for whatever we consider to be relevant at any particular time. And if that belief is surfacing, all of a sudden, everything that reinforces it is now considered relevant in your world and is getting filtered in versus filtered out.

Karenina Jahnigen 36:46
Exactly. So when I'm looking at high performers, and finding out like, where are they stuck? What is the stuckness? How did it, you know... I start looking for where else have they experienced this type of pressure, because usually, when we experience something in our adult age, it's an extension of an experience that we've had previously. So once we go back there with our adult minds, though, and this is a tip for what people can do, if they find themselves feeling stuck, they can start asking, "where else in my life have I had this feeling, this experience? Where else do I feel rejected? Or where else do I feel like I cannot have what I want?" And remembering back "Okay, well, I do remember that my mom did yell at me and reject me. And that felt terrible in that moment. We can go back in time because our memories live in our minds, we can go back in time with the resources we have now, as adults, we know as adults that we can have what we want. And when we connect that to the memory of not getting what we want, it actually shifts the memory. So our memories, they're not necessarily real. They are a snapshot from our experiences, but it doesn't mean that that's reality. I'm sure you can remember that you had an experience as a child and looking back at it as an adult, you do see that, "Oh, well. I did believe in unicorns back then. But now that I'm an adult, I know that unicorns aren't real."

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:33
Well, hold on.

Karenina Jahnigen 38:35
Yeah, I was gonna say.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:36
Wait a minute. I refuse to accept that.

Karenina Jahnigen 38:41
You know, I shouldn't say that. You know, I shouldn't say that unicorns aren't real, because they might be for some. I just haven't seen them myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:50
Ah, your new title is Dream Crusher. Totally.

Karenina Jahnigen 39:01
Genius. That's hilarious. So okay, so let's see, I get a little bit off track here some time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:08
No problem. So this is interesting. So when you help people relate back, I'm curious about the shifting the memories part. Because I believe I understand what you're saying, but I'm super curious, and for everybody else's benefit, too, what do you mean when you were talking about shifting the memory?

Karenina Jahnigen 39:24
So the memories are, as we remember them, they are filtered through our nervous system, you know, the experience is filtered through our nervous system, let's say, in this case, going back to this case, he was pre eight years old. He was filtering through his nervous system, the experience of having his mom shout at him and rejecting him. The memory is essentially just a snapshot. So he took only certain aspects of that experience and stored it and he deleted everything else. Which means that it's not an accurate image of what actually happened. He left out a lot of details, perhaps his mom going through her own emotional stuff, and projecting that onto him as a child, all he remembers is that "Mommy doesn't love me and I can't have what I want." So that is the kind of the zip file, if you will, that is being stored with all the other information deleted. And later on in life, what we can do is we can look back on that experience with the resources that we have now. And by connecting the memory with the current knowledge, you actually shift how you feel about the experience, meaning, like, just for an example, my uncle went and had a conversation with his mom, and asked her if she remembered the incident. She didn't. Because apparently, it wasn't that important to her because it wasn't that big of a deal. But what we did uncover, or he uncovered with his mom was that she did remember the time of life. And she was like, "Oh, I was going through the stuff with your dad at the time." When he then had that piece of information, understanding that his mother was under emotional stress at the time, that totally changed his perception of what was actually happening. And he understood that his mom loved him and his mom did allow him to have things, but in that moment that he asked and had been so powerfully rejected, he had only experienced that aspect of it, and he hadn't seen the bigger picture. So I'm seeing that this might be a little confusing, but having the information that we have now as adults in real time, we can go back and change how we feel about our memories, because we have more information now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:02
Yeah, it totally makes sense. It almost seems like what we're doing is actually shifting the context and shifting or understanding of the context, once we're relating it back. So like recently, I was... my wife and I have been recording podcasts for our other podcast, Family Passport, but we were going back and looking at our photos from when we lived in Paris for a short period of time and, you know, we were looking at some of them and we were like, "Wait a minute. That's not how I remembered it." And we're looking at all the stuff in the background and everything else. And clearly, and I can't remember what it was now, I think we're in Notre Dame or something like that. But anyhow, we're looking at it and it's like, "Oh my goodness, this is..." we're staring at it and realizing there's a whole bunch more context there, compared to how we actually remembered it, which then altered our understanding of what was happening at the time. And now we think about it differently. And it seems like that same type of thing.

Karenina Jahnigen 42:52
It's the exact same thing. That was just brilliant. Yes, that's exactly what happens. And so when we're feeling stressed now, what often happens is that we have a snapshot of things that from, you know, our past experiences, but we don't tend to go looking at them like you did, you pulled out the pictures and you went, "Wait a minute, this is not how I..."

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:16
That's not how it happened. No. Yeah.

Karenina Jahnigen 43:21
Exactly. And so it changes how you think about it. And essentially, in very simple terms, that's what I help my clients do. And most of this is, of course, happening on an unconscious level. I mean, when I work with someone, it's because they, themselves, can't figure out what are the images, what are those snapshots that are actually creating this challenge in real time. So I helped them get deeper, go into their unconscious, more work with your unconscious, more so that they can find out where are those triggerss, where are those pictures from the past that we need to look at, such that we change how we feel about it in real time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:04
You know, like, on iPhoto... for those of you that are, I guess, Apple users, on iPhoto it's got, when you take a picture it'll actually capture, if you have the setting on, then it'll capture the full live event around it, essentially, like video shot rather than the snapshot, and it captures the context around it. And almost feel like what you do is go back and help people not just look at just the snapshot, but look at, I think you called it like live preview or something like that. I totally don't remember. Somebody listening to this, let me know what it is. But you can see all the stuff that was happening before and after the snapshot and it gives you so much more context. And that's actually part of what we were doing. We were going through and we're looking at that and it shows like about three or four seconds and that completely changes your understanding of what was going on. Because the snapshot is exactly that, it's just one finite, very specific point in time and it doesn't explain everything else that was going on.

Karenina Jahnigen 45:03
Well, that's such a perfect analogy. And I realized I am an Apple user, but I haven't been using photos.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:10
I'm so going to show you. Okay. All right. Tell me on your way later.

Karenina Jahnigen 45:15
Oh, awesome. This is exactly what it is. That you're just describing it so perfectly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:21
So I'm curious then, for people that have characteristically had, they're finding themselves in this beginning stages of this place where they have noticed that something is different and something is off and something is not the way that they used to be and they're starting to feel like things just aren't right, but they've had that track record of success, and they don't know necessarily where to begin looking to make a change and break out or become trapped or become unstuck, because it can be overwhelming. And as you pointed out, maybe it's not that much that needs to happen necessarily, in order to make a change, however, it feels terrible when you're there in the space. So what can people do to get started?

Karenina Jahnigen 46:03
Okay, so the first thing that I would do, and these words are really important, is look for the positive learning. In whatever situation you're in, what is the positive learning? When you ask your unconscious mind that, you will start looking for the positive piece of information that allows you then to get start getting unstuck. Let's say that, for example, you're going into negotiate or you're going into make a sale, and you don't make it and you're starting to feel horrible because you go, "Why am I not making the sale? I have never had a problem with it before." Then the first thing I would do is, what is the positive learning from this experience? The reason that we start feeling bad is because we're hardwired for protection and this is just how our unconscious mind works. You know, we are designed as biological beings to constantly scan our environments, environment for threats. And when we start feeling bad about something, it's essentially just our unconscious mind going, "Oh, there's something over here that is a threat." So this sales experience and not making the sale could feel like a threat. And the only way that your unconscious mind is going to let go of that is if it knows that you have gotten a learning from that experience. Because if not, it's just gonna keep this warning lamp like, "Oh, sales are dangerous" until you go, "Okay, what could I learn from this experience?" And you can go and find any positive learning, but it's very important that it's a positive learning. So a positive learning could be, "Okay, well, perhaps it's better for me to be more prepared about my client, more prepared and knowledge about what my client needs." And you will know that it was the right learning. I mean, there are always many learnings to be had in any situation, but you'll know the moment you start feeling the emotions start dissipating. Does that make sense?

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:32
That makes a ton of sense to me. Because I have been there, had that experience many times, as you are talking about the emotions dissipating, then I remember the feelings of that for many different points. So that absolutely makes sense to me.

Karenina Jahnigen 48:48
So it's the positive learning, looking for the positive learning because there's always a positive learning in any experience. And once you start understanding that, then anything can happen to you and you will still be able to rebound.

Scott Anthony Barlow 49:04
So is this kind of the... I almost think about gratitude. Another example... So we've been working with our kids a lot on intentionally leveraging gratitude, and by that, in some cases, what I mean is intentionally shifting our focus to focus on what we are being thankful for, or what we have gratitude for. And part of the reason that we've been doing that is because I've observed and also seen lots of research to support it that when you engage that part of your brain, it is difficult to engage some of the negative or potentially negative result parts of your brain, too, for lack of a better and more technical description. And is this kind of the same thing is that where as you're looking for that positive experience, it shifts your focus so that you can begin getting the positive results from it?

Karenina Jahnigen 49:59
Yes. So nothing inherently is bad or good, first and foremost. And there are no experiences that are inherently bad or good. It's how we feed them. That's important and that matters. And I am totally behind you on gratitude as an antidote, or I should say, more as a preventative measure. And if you approach every situation, with a sense of gratitude or appreciation for what it has to bring to you, then it's easier to not get pulled down by, quote unquote, negative experiences. And it's also a great way to start getting out of the negative. So if you do find something that you are grateful for, in that negative experience, then that's something that will definitely start helping you move out of it. The positive learning and gratitude and appreciation all go hand in hand.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:09
That is super interesting. And I found that, I'm curious on your take, because I don't know if I've ever asked anybody this before, but my own personal experience is that, when you practice those types of things, it gets easier to initiate that over time. Is that what you found to working with people? Or how do you think about that?

Karenina Jahnigen 51:27
Absolutely. And I see this in myself too, before at the beginning of practicing, and I practice appreciation every day now. But before I began practicing appreciation, it used to be harder, I think, for me, one of the positive learning...

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:48
Speaking of, weird.

Karenina Jahnigen 51:52
From living with all my conditions. You know, being a third culture kid, and all this stuff, is that early on, it was like, I could sink or I could swim. And I chose to swim. And the way that I swam was by always looking for well, how can I keep moving? How can I find out I want to feel pleasure, I want to feel good, I want to go places, I want to have powerful experiences. And so it was not something that just kind of came to me intuitively, it was through conditioning, through experiencing a lot of hardship, where and having this desire to experience fulfillment and success, having the desire for that be much bigger than the desire to capitulate, and to feel sadness. It just conditioned me to start looking for the positive experiences, because if not, I would just keep backsliding, and it's really sad and boring, back down and down the tunnel of, like, depression and victimhood and feeling sad. It's not a cool place to be. It's like, I started conditioning myself at an early age, but then when I started learning about it through, you know, I was being taught by my teachers how important it is to look for the positive learning, it kind of just made complete sense to me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 53:19
That is absolutely fantastic. And on that note, I've got to say, thank you, this has been such a fun conversation. And I really appreciate you taking the time and making actually even, I think we've gotten a little bit extra time. So I appreciate that, too. For everybody that wants to get more Karenina, did I say it right?

Karenina Jahnigen 53:38
Oh yeah, you're 99% there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 53:42
Speaking of practice. You know, all jokes aside, I would say that go over and check out your stuff. But where can people find more about you? Let's say that they want to learn more.

Karenina Jahnigen 53:56
So well, I have a website. That's very basic. And that's at kareninajahnigen.com. And...

Scott Anthony Barlow 54:06
If you want the spelling, we'll have the spelling if you head on over to happentoyourcareer.com click on podcast, and we'll get it right there for you.

Karenina Jahnigen 54:15
Yeah, I think that's much easier than me spelling it, because that will take up another 20 minutes. But more importantly, I am coming out with a book called "Leap: How to Risk Again When There's No Net." And in that book, I'm going to be talking about how to, as a natural born risk taker living in what I call the risk taker reward cycle, and who has been stopped in their tracks and is now stuck in executive paralysis, having a hard time executing, how they can leap, which is then the system that I'm going to be outlining my proven process for how to get back to taking big risks and getting big rewards, I will be outlining the entire process there. I'll be including lots of clients' success stories, I'll be sharing my own personal stories. And I'll even be giving some examples of some powerful people who have fallen flat on their face after a risk gone wrong. And also showing people how they got back to it using the same system.

Scott Anthony Barlow 55:32
I love it. Look for "Leap" then.

Karenina Jahnigen 55:35
Yes. It'll be out this fall. Thank you. I'm so excited to be presenting this to the world.

Scott Anthony Barlow 55:43
Very, very cool. Hey, and thank you so much. Any parting words or thoughts before I say, this is awesome and amazing, and I absolutely appreciate it even more.

Karenina Jahnigen 55:54
Parting words is that if you have ever experienced any kind of success, even if it was when you were 10 years old, then you have the capacity to find that in your life now. So if you have had success in your past, it is possible for you to experience that again and also potentially that in your future. So you don't have to ever feel stuck anywhere. There are ways out and success can be a real part of your life again.

Scott Anthony Barlow 56:29
Very cool. Hey, seriously, thank you. I really appreciate it. And thanks for making the time and taking the time and this has just been absolutely fantastic.

Karenina Jahnigen 56:38
I really appreciate it. I want to thank you and thanks to all your listeners and I'm just really excited that people now know that they can have success again.

Scott Anthony Barlow 56:50
We have so much more in store coming up for you next week right here on Happen To Your Career. Take a listen.

Robert 57:00
First interview was actually pretty good, you know, went through the whole thing and when I got face to face with the first person it was very great because we actually do a lot of the same people so it was super simple interview. And then I met another person that day and it was like I hit a stone wall.

Scott Anthony Barlow 57:19
All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. We'll see you next time. Until then, I am out. Adios.

Ready for Career Happiness?

What Career Fits You?

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Not Hiring? How to Apply Anyway (and Get an Interview)

Writing like a Pro in the business world seems like a huge undertaking that is easier said than done.

Luckily, we have Danny H. Rubin as our guest today.

Danny Rubin is “THE writing guy.” Danny has studied communications since college and has worked as a TV News Reporter and Consultant and has come back around to what he loves most, which is writing. He uses his greatest strength to teach practical writing instruction for the business world. From writing to apply for jobs to writing to start a business from scratch, Danny offers his writing advice as the writing expert in the business world.

One of the key takeaways from the episode is viewing the job search as an expectations game where employers are going to expect you to do X, but you’re going to learn how to do Y.

Why, you ask? Well, while everyone else is doing X, you’re going to put that little bit of extra effort it takes to do Y. This is your opportunity to do something another way to stand out from the crowd of job-seekers.

All Y is, is a change in the way that you think about what you’re writing. We have all been so conditioned to write a resume and cover letter the same way. So, a hiring manager is going to expect that same template from every candidate.

But, Danny is here to walk you through a process that will show you how to go about writing those pieces in a smarter, more strategic way.

You will see more results when you know how to be interesting when describing yourself in your stories. Your writing should highlight details of your experience that will enhance your overall platform.

Listen to the podcast to learn more about the power of telling YOUR story of success in your cover letter. Danny will help you learn how to write to command attention, prove your ability, and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN
  • The importance of brevity – Why keeping your writing short and concise is imperative in business communications
  • The importance of writing differently and how to stand out in your writing to get noticed and open doors
  • How to write a powerful Linkedin Profile
  • Cover letter tips and storytelling tips that will make your pieces of writing stand out
  • How to apply for a job when a company isn’t even hiring
RELEVANT LINKS AND RESOURCES

Check out Danny’s work at: dannyrubin.comFollow Danny on Facebook Connect with Danny on Linkedin Follow Danny on Twitter: @DannyHRubin

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Danny Rubin 0:02
People want to know if you want to work for a company in the worst way, but they don't have any jobs posted or jobs relevant to you but you want them to know you exist. How do you start that conversation so they pay attention at all?

Introduction 0:22
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what it does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change. Keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Joshua Rivers 00:46
What if you can get access to career opportunities simply by using your words, or stand out against the millions of people on LinkedIn so that companies contact you instead of trying to chase job postings. It's more than just possible. It's a realistically learnable skill for anyone who is willing to put in the effort. Now, once you learn the skill, you'll have a competitive advantage for the rest of your life and for the rest of your career. Well, today we're sharing a training that Scott did with Danny Rubin a while back, specifically for career change boot camp students. Danny Rubin teaches distinct and unique writing to open doors to your ideal company. Now, let's jump right into this training that Scott did with Danny Rubin.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:42
Hey there, everybody. Hey, career change boot camp. I am really excited to be able to do this today for a whole bunch of different reasons. First of all, myself and our guest instructor, been trying to put this together for a little while. And I think that we've got a pretty exciting presentation for you today because I know what's coming here. And I want to, even before we get started here, just take a second here and introduce our guest instructor that we've got on here. He's an author, he's a speaker, he spends a lot of his time working with professionals. At the same time, he's also working as the Vice President of Rubin Communications Group, and that's a full service PR firm. So he's got a lot of different things going, which I know a whole bunch of you know something about, and he's gonna be able to take us through a couple really incredibly useful pieces today, I'll tell you about those in just a second, but welcome, Danny. How are you? Danny Rubin, welcome to...

Danny Rubin 02:57
Yeah, I'm great. Thanks for having me on.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:02
Perfect. So we've got a really interesting setup today because we are doing this live, we've got some people in the audience, but at the same time, we also are going to air this for the podcast too. So this is, like a two in one.

Danny Rubin 03:20
That's fantastic. I'm all about efficiency and taking one thing in best.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:27
Okay, perfect, then we're speaking the same language here. Hey, before we even get into, you know, what you're going to teach us today. And I'm really excited about that, because we're gonna get deep into LinkedIn profile summaries. How to write an amazing and captivating LinkedIn profile summary? But also, how to email an employer about job opportunities even when they don't have something open and available? So those are going to be incredibly useful, but I wanted to talk a little bit about your story because you've got an interesting one, as well. Can we do that first?

Danny Rubin 03:59
Absolutely, where do you wanna start?

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:01
I'm curious because you are the writing guy, you and I have had that conversation and I use the writing guy. And I think that everybody also, as soon as they see this come to view you in that exact same way, especially as it pertains to careers. And I'm curious where that all started for you?

Danny Rubin 04:21
Well, for me to be the writing guy, "has been a journey." I've always enjoyed writing even as a kid, I knew it was sort of something that was in me. And I've been working in communications since college for about, for 10 years now in different capacities, doing... I was a TV news reporter, and I worked as a TV news consultant. And now I work in public relations. But I always stayed true to what I enjoyed, which was writing skills and communications. But in the last few years, I began to recognize that my greatest strength, my greatest value is to teach practical writing instruction for the business world and when I came to understand that, that was sort of my thing, my niche, my area of expertise, I've been just drilling down exclusively on that topic to become known, where in Virginia where I'm at, and also nationally that I am the writing expert for the business world, whether it's applying for jobs or writing to grow in your business or to grow a business you're trying to start from scratch. They're writing challenges all over the place. And I want to become known as that person. And so I welcome the opportunities to teach these skills in really practical ways, like we're gonna do today to solidify what I am and also just to do what I enjoy and what I think offers people the most value that I could provide.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:52
Very cool. And by the way, I gotta say, if you haven't visited Danny's website, go on over to dannyhrubin.com he's got a massive amount of incredibly useful information over there. And I know I've told you that in the past, Danny, after looking at your website and like, oh my goodness, you've got... he's got a huge amount of stuff on there. And everything that I've read is like, oh, there's nuggets in that, there's nuggets in that. So go over to dannyhrubin.com check it out. And you have a newsletter called the template, if I recall correctly, too. And that's powerful, the same type of stuff.

Danny Rubin 06:26
Well, Scott, I wanted to say, you know, my blog has a ton of content and that... all that content is the secret sauce, because I created my blog about four years ago, a little over four years ago, and I used it as just kind of this white wall. I just threw stuff up against because I wrote just, you know, I was starting with this premise of providing sort of job advice, communication advice, and sort of life skills to young professionals. That was a very unclear, it wasn't formed very well, there wasn't a lot of shape to it. By writing a ton, I came to understand what the audience values most. So when you're looking through my blog, and you see all these writing guides, my blog didn't begin that way, I've actually removed a lot of the content from the very beginning because this is not relevant anymore or as focused as I am now. But only by writing a lot every single week writing something new, something new, something new, putting it out there online, testing it, getting feedback, watching closely my traffic, that's when I came in to understand what the most and what I was frankly best at. And so it was just really concerted effort and a process, very organic. When people say, you know, and we'll talk a second about this book I put together and people say, "how do you think to write a book of email guides? How do you think to do that?" And I say, the answer is not like I woke up in the middle of the night and said, "I know what I'm supposed to do. It was very natural process where the answer was sort of revealed to me in time because I work so hard at my own skills" and to your students, I would say, "the way you uncover what you love the most and where the work you want to do the most is by working like crazy on your own skill set. Because in that space, when it's just you in the work, that's when the 'aha' moment reveals itself."

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:18
Right on and I absolutely love that for a lot of different reasons. But I am really excited because we get to benefit today because of all of that work that you've done, and you've removed all the stuff that doesn't work. And now we get to just focus on the fact that are left over after, you know, carving away the diamond. So...

Danny Rubin 08:36
That's right, I've done the heavy lifting and I deliver people to the strategies that work and because they're tried and true, and because a lot of what I rely on are what we call soft skills or interpersonal skills, ways to treat people, ways people want to be treated, and how you respect relationships and how in doing so, you open doors.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:59
Cool. Okay, so a lot of, actually a whole bunch of the folks that are going to listen to this, they're in a job that they might not be that excited about. Maybe it pays particularly well, maybe they used to love it, maybe it's a great job, but just not that fulfilling for them. They're looking to make a career change. And by the way, any of you that are here live on this, go ahead and drop in any questions as it comes up, as it comes along because Danny's gonna get deep into teaching us some of these pieces here in a minute. But just to kind of set the stage, as we get into this, and I just want to hand you the keys to the car and let you drive with this thing, Danny, because I'm really excited to get into this too and even I'll probably learn something as well. So where do we start here?

Danny Rubin 09:46
Okay, well, let me share my screen quickly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:48
Perfect.

Danny Rubin 09:49
And then I will take you to my PowerPoint. Alright, so just I... Scott, can you see this, okay?

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:02
I can. We got it. Perfect.

Danny Rubin 10:04
Okay, let me just open up the slideshow from the beginning. So just like, you know, I call this "how to write like a pro in the business world." Because what I'm going to teach you are skills that not only help you in the sort of job application process and positioning yourself but also once you're in a job, these skills are transferable and they are lifetime. They are lifelong skills that will make you a stronger communicator. I just want to show people very quickly just to give them a quick background on me what my website looks like. This is my site, dannyhrubin.com and that's me on Twitter. Very quick aside, the reason why it's Danny H Rubin is because, if you've ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, which most of us have, it's classic, the person who wrote that, his name is Danny Rubin. That so, he had the domain Danny Rubin. So I had to take the H and add it in there so I could have my own space and there's my homepage and you see my blog in the menu, and it's just a ton of stuff that I hope you'll check out writing guides and networking tips and the like. This is the book that I've put together. It's called "Wait, How Do I Write This Email?" and it's a giant reference guide of 100 plus templates for networking the job search and LinkedIn. I published the book about a year ago, it's now used in high schools, several high schools across the country, colleges, and even the Pentagon, which is exciting. They use it in communications courses for senior level military because they like my guides for editing and brevity. And that's what the military is all about, getting to the point. So I'm really excited and honored that it's used in such a forum. And just to give people a little bit of understanding the entire thing is just nuts and bolts, how to write different situations, how to structure emails, asking about jobs, like we're going to do today. In fact, we're gonna do the one, on page 114, and just a few minutes, of how to apply even if the company has no openings, but I'm showing you just top to bottom subject line body of the message, how to close it out, how to stand out every single time. And if the everybody else is writing it the generic way, you're going to write it a different way. And that's going to help you to get noticed, and open doors. So we're going to talk about, how to write a powerful LinkedIn profile summary and we're going to talk about how to apply for a job, even if the company isn't hiring. Okay, two really important writing challenges. And before we do that, I want to just show you a picture, for me, this is where it all began. Just to give you a quick background on where these ideas have come from, for me, this is me and my first job, out of college, I was a TV news reporter for the CBS affiliate CBS TV station here in Norfolk, Virginia. And I ultimately didn't stay in that career path. The job didn't sort of speak to me as I thought it might when I got started, which is, you know, a huge lesson and the game is just you never know until you try it. But even though I don't work in TV news today, the skills that I gained, I use every single day, on the job and in the writing skills and communication skills that I offer, one of which is the importance of brevity. And, and also a natural curiosity and other people both skills I will touch on and he's writing guides, because people need to know the information quickly. No one has time to read five paragraphs or watch a 10 minute news story. They need it fast, they're on the go. And that skill I've always kept close to me, and it informs what we're going to do now, which is to discuss the LinkedIn profile summary. We all know what the LinkedIn profile summary is, you know, the opening paragraph on LinkedIn where they allow you to describe yourself, and I've noticed that people just do not know what to do in that space because LinkedIn provides really no guidance. It's, you know, one sentence people, but one sentence, they'll put nothing, they'll put five paragraphs, they'll put bullet points about their job, they'll put it in the third person and talk about themselves. like as if they're their own publicist. There's just a huge array of ways that people write about themselves. And so I felt like I needed to put together a comprehensive guide to say this is the best way to shine in that opening paragraph and entice people to continue to read your entire LinkedIn profile and get to know you. So it's a really quick paragraph, a 32nd read, in which you describe yourself. And here are the three steps and I'm gonna show you each step and this is coming right out of my book. I just took the template from the book and put it in the slides. It's three steps: "Who are you?" "What do you do?" And, "how does your passion help others?" You'll see I talked about this in both lessons, always looking at the other, focusing on other people. The value add to others, giving others the spotlight, giving others the time of day. That is a move that is refreshing and makes people want to talk to you more because you're interested in them, not just interested in yourself. So instead one, we say, "Who are you?" In a nutshell, what's your identity? Free and it's opening line, in a clear voice, you're going to tell LinkedIn users what you're about as it relates to others in terms of the problem that you're solving. And even if you don't love the job you have right now, which is probably why you're in this course, you still need to put out a sense of positivity, you obviously can't go on LinkedIn and say, "I hate my job and I need a new one." Because you're going to have people checking you out, recruiters or other employers and you have to show that the work you do, you at least understand the value add to others and you're going to make them want to get to know you more. So you have to still project a sense of positivity, which I assume, you know, Scott also would instruct you to not look like doom and gloom out there, but that, you know, brighter days are ahead. So here's step one, the person I've given you a fictitious person named Lamar works in information technology for a hospital system. So the opening line is everyday I protect sensitive information on thousands of people, from hackers and cyber attacks. So that's the work he does and how his work improves the lives of other people. So he's saying, you know, this is what I do in my job, and this is why it's important. This is the problem that I solve, or the solution that I create, you know, I'm protecting people, and that's who he is in one line. Okay. Now in step two, we're going to say, "what do you do?" This is where you can get into the work with a sort of Meteor paragraph, where you're going to say this is the type of work that I do, this is the nature of it, using specific details, like specialties in areas of expertise, because the reality is recruiters will be searching on LinkedIn for specific key terms, you know, types of skills relevant to the job. And you really want to have specific language inside your profile summary so you can get picked up in searches. And you're not just putting generic blah, blah, blah, about you're a dedicated, passionate, hard worker, because nobody's searching for that and it won't help you. And it also doesn't make you very interesting because you have a unique set of skills and experiences that no one else can match. So let me show you what does step two could look like for Lamar. He says, "as an Information Security Analyst at Acme hospital system in Sacramento, I manage the day to day flow of information into and out of five hospitals and two emergency centers. With a focus on database management, there's this specific skill somebody could search for. My job insures critical computer systems, medical files, and patient history remain active and never fail. My team and I stay updated on the latest trends and information security to not only keep Acme hospital system safe, but also on the cutting edge." So he's giving more detail here, he's putting his title and where he works, he's also quantifying, five hospitals, two emergency centers, really letting the reader understand the size and scope of the job. So they know exactly how many buildings he's having to deal with, using specific language, database management, managing computer systems, medical files, patient history, and also saying that he sort of stays up to date on the industry, which is also a great thing to say, as you're looking for work to say that you're sort of a student of your industry, you study your craft, you're up on the latest trends, which makes you position well for the next opportunity. And then in step three, we rounded out with what I say is a closer sentence. Basically, what I want you to think about is putting in one line, you know, why you get up every day and do the work you do. And even though I know you want to transition to something else, you have to project positivity and you have to show you are selfless and understand your value to others. So you're going to say, "how you hope to use your passion to make an impact?" And if you're watching this, maybe you're finishing up a college program and you're going back in the job market, you can say, the work that you hope to do if you're not employed or if you're unemployed watching this, then you will again say, this is the work that I hope to do. But in Lamar's case, he says, "a hospital never sleeps, and the same goes for IT. If everything runs smoothly and nothing suffers a glitch, then I know I did my job." And so I say in a vast ocean of profiles, Lamar has a bio you will remember. And that's the goal here to be unforgettable. And what he does in addition to putting out a nice neat paragraph is it's inviting. It's in the first person, it shows what he's interested in beyond just the blah, blah, blah bullet points of the job, it shows, you know, why he has an interest in the work. And it makes him approachable. So if an employer wanted to reach out, if they feel like they kind of already know him, because he let in on his sort of his character, his personality, his interest level, and so we kind of feel like we've met him, even before we would pick up the phone or reach out for a conversation. So that is the LinkedIn profile summary before we move to the next one, I would stop and Scott, see if you have any thoughts or comments.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:33
You know I, really love what you're talking about for a couple of different reasons. First of all, that it isn't what everybody else is doing.

Danny Rubin 20:43
Right.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:44
So that's thing number one, because that's all you have to do often to stand out, is just simply not do what everybody else is doing. The second thing I really liked about that is that it is, very particular and is going to help you passively on LinkedIn, because, is really only going to help either actively or passively. So actively if you're seeking out somebody else or something else on LinkedIn, but passively as what's on there is going to allow people to either find you, come to you, whatever else. Now, one quick point or comment or maybe even a question for you, Danny, is we... when a lot of people, at least half of people into our career change boot camp program, they may not know exactly what they want to be doing. So I'm curious if you have any advice on that. I've got my own thoughts too. But I'm curious, if you have any advice on how to handle LinkedIn when you're not entirely sure what you want to be doing yet?

Danny Rubin 21:40
I guess we need to determine a starting point because and I've actually be curious to know what you think on this too, but that's an interesting challenge. Usually I work with people and they kind of have an idea of like the industry sector or like the type of work generally they hope to do. So I do have a template in my book, if you're a college student or a recent grad, how you set up that profile summary to say, "this is the work I've been interested in and some of the hands on work that I've done. And this is the impact I hope to make once I sort of get going." So I sort of play to that. I haven't accounted for somebody who has no idea like at all what they want to do, I would always try to push them to say, "can you pick a space where you want to operate?" I don't need to know exactly the job, but is it engineering? Is it marketing? And if you give me that much to go on, then I would say, "show me in that profile summary, what you've done relevant in that space, and then how you hope to make an impact with those skills to make others better, without having too much more of a specific path than that." That's my best answer. I'm curious actually, what you would say.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:52
Well, I think that there's a couple of different and I think you make a really relevant point. I believe there's a couple of different ways that you can go because you could totally write it off and say, "I'm just going to ignore LinkedIn until, it's not going to be a tactic, if you will, it's not going to be an approach for me. Until, I've got a better understanding." So that's one option, right? So option two, I would say exactly what you had just talked about, you can say, "okay, maybe I don't know everything at this point. But I'm gonna put down potentially the most likely area, or most of what I do know. And then that way, at a minimum, I can have people seeking me out too." So...

Danny Rubin 23:32
Yeah, look, and I think option two is the better option. Because to not be on LinkedIn, you just remove a lot of opportunity. And, obviously, so many opportunities come through relationships, meeting people, networking, who knows who and they're going to pass you along. And LinkedIn is just one more channel where those opportunities can happen. And also, you have to understand that recruiters are on there, go into that search bar and treating it like Google and they're looking for people with certain skill sets, in certain parts of the country, and if your profile, and one thing I talk about a lot is like a resume skill section, I've worked with people, they'll come to me with the resume and their skill section will say things somebody wrote passion for success was one of his skills. And I said, that's not a skill. I actually don't even know what that is, what passion for success is, but it's not a skill, I said. And actually this young man, his resume was full of things like natural leadership skills, outstanding communication skills. That is what his skill section said. I said, "he wanted to work in construction, in the construction industry." He already had a job in it. I said, "well, do you have any like skills, actual technical expertise on equipment, software?" He's like, "Oh, yeah, I have a lot of that." So we proceeded, I wish I had the slide I'd show you. We completely transformed that skill section. And it was just like, I know how to use this software program. This software program, I use this excavator, this like he was rattling on, we use very specific language, like the name of the software. It was so detail heavy and rich in skills that he sends a much better chance being found if someone's saying like, there's a very common tool and construction on AutoCAD. So he had that, like someone could be saying, "who knows how to use AutoCAD? Let me start there." And if it's not on his resume, he's gonna lose out. So being so specific when you can, it makes all the difference.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:29
So, love it. Yeah, so those would be my thoughts. Let's, I'm excited to go on to the next one.

Danny Rubin 25:36
All right. So this email is so critical. It is the most popular blog post on my website. I put it in my book too, because it just matters so much. It's been viewed probably 200,000 times, all over the world, because people want to know if you want to work for a company in the worst way, but they don't have any jobs posted or jobs relevant to you, but you want them to know you exist. How do you start that conversation, so they pay attention at all? And I see this attempted and failed so much at our own PR firm, we have recent graduates or people with some work experience who write us. And they always do this incorrectly. And it makes me not want to write them back. And it's so easy to encourage a reply, and I'm going to show you how. And here's the big idea, you got to give the love before you can get the love. And that's the same in every networking scenario, or anytime you're trying to promote yourself or your business, you give the love before you get the love. You give them the time and attention. That's what makes them want to get to know you. And I'm going to show you how easy that is but how few people understand the power of that strategy in the job search and in the business world. Okay, let me show you, I took sort of took it piece by piece with the email. So each slides gonna be a portion of the email and what it should look like. I told you, I go soup to nuts, subject line, body, closing, everything and examples along the way of what it always could look like. So in this case, it could be a recent graduate from the blank school or let's say that in this case, a fundraising specialist interested in career opportunities. Very clear upfront, what you're asking for. This is one thing that I believe the Pentagon likes about what I do is that I always encourage people to put their main point at the top right away, show what you're asking for so they're not searching around. In the military, it's actually called they say, "BLUF or Bottom Line Up Front" and I know that because I live in a big military town and I see people use that around here. BLUF. So always be clear with what you're asking for. So, my name is first and last name. And I have actually a chart in my book about whether it should be Mr. or Ms. or if it's first name, and I say, it's your age relative to their age. And the younger you are, the more often you need to use Mr. or Ms. that's my approach. It's a very sort of tricky topic. But I believe that's the most appropriate way to do it. And I say, "my name is first and last name. And I'm a recent graduate from blank school" or we say in this case, "as people are probably already working in this class, a fundraising specialist who has experience with small to medium sized nonprofits. I hope you're doing well." Okay, that's your intro. Now, you say what you're asking about, "I realize you don't have a job posting for a, in this case, a development associate. But I would still like to make introductions and explore ways I can help your team on for instance, upcoming engagements with nonprofits." So we're putting right at the top what we are asking about not at the bottom, that people leave it off entirely, and I'm like, "what are you even trying to get me to do?" So very clear right at the top. Now, this is where the magic happens, you know, so to speak. This is where you can turn heads and win fans. This part right here. I checked out the name of the company, the website and respect the work you do in particular. And here I just gave two examples that are made up, but I want to show you exactly why I did it, and why it looks the way it does. The 10k walk to support research on brain cancer, and the capital campaign to aid the river cleanup. The two projects were well orchestrated and is clear your team knows how to deliver results. I want you to understand the power of what you're looking at. If you go to the company's website, go to their blog section, recent news, press releases find something they've done recently that they've shared, which means they're proud of it. It's like a parent putting their kids art on the fridge. Okay, same idea. They're proud of their work. And if you say back to them that I was reading on your website, and I was really interested in this project or that project, and you link to it, you given it a reason why you were impressed by it. It shows you really taking the time to get to know them, and you're not just running by throwing your resume in their face, sending the same email of 50 companies. It's so easy to delete that email because it's impersonal. This one is so authentic, because it's like, yeah, I really do love what you're doing. And you're giving them a compliment. And you're linking to these posts to prove you actually did your homework, and didn't just say, "wow, what a great website, you're doing such cool stuff." You got to get away from sounding vague. Because even if you mean it, it sounds impersonal. And it sounds like you don't mean it. And this is a way to prove that you mean it. And the number of people who have written my PR firm over the last year or so, I've been here three years, I'd say out of 100 emails like this. I don't even know if one person did this. Maybe one. We're not accustomed to do it. We think all they should know about is how awesome we are. And it's a complete mistake. You need to give the love before you get the love as we just discussed. So really look hard at what I'm showing you here and understand the power of giving them the spotlight. Now, that we did that, and we've validated them, now you have to validate yourself. So here's the sort of the model that I provided for the past blank years I've worked with, in this case, nonprofits in Minneapolis on a variety of initiatives. For example, I fundraise for the big nonprofit association and little nonprofit association being very clear about no dropping names of companies, names of projects, being specific with the language, and then sharing links to your work. Another thing that people almost never do, they'll say, "I'm an experienced such and such, I have great experience" and they don't show me anything they've done. Now, how am I supposed to believe you're as good as you claim to be? This is why if you don't have a portfolio or blog, you got to make a place on the internet to put your stuff so you can link people back to your work so they can see tangibly how good you are. If you don't give them the proof, why would they ever believe you and give you the time of day. So I say a great number is three. If you have three, whatever it is, if it's a portfolio of your art that you've designed, if it's a project, that you completed that so there's a blog about it, if there's a news story about what your team did. Anything, just show me examples of where you're coming from, what you can do, because if you don't, I don't have the proof. And I don't want to take the time to meet you, because you haven't made me feel compelled to do so. So let me just jump back, "you do a great job giving them the love, you do a great job showing off your own skill set through hands on real life examples and you wrap it up. I've attached my resume to this email. Please let me know if I can provide more information. Thanks so much your first name your email signature." So I hope that this model helps you understand because this idea, this should follow you your entire life. If you're in a job, you love your job, you don't want to leave it. Scott got you to the perfect job and you love it, you want to build on that job and you want to form new relationships, you do the same thing again, you're sitting down for a big meeting, look them up beforehand. When you have to discuss your own ability always say, "am I being practical enough? Am I being hands on enough? Can they visualize? Can they fully understand what I can do? If not, I need to edit. And if I don't have the examples readily available, I need to make them readily available because otherwise no one would believe me." So these skills are so critical to the business world, they matter in the job application process. They matter in job interviews, when you're going to sit down with the employer and be able to talk knowledgeably about what they do. And then when you're out there doing the work, the same strategies apply. This is how you treat people, how you make them feel special, and in turn, they're gonna want to work with you. So I'll stop there, and I'll turn it back to Scott for your thoughts.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:54
I was making some notes as we went along, and I'd say that, first of all, this is something that I personally use all the time and I hit CP, I mean, okay, so we're recording live for the podcast right now. I get, jeez, at this point, we get people every single day pitching us to be on the podcast.

Danny Rubin 34:17
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:17
Literally every single day, and most often what comes through is, "hey, I'm awesome. Can I set myself as a next guest for the podcast?"

Danny Rubin 34:27
Right. You know, what? And to that point, Scott, because when I first published the book last fall, I did it, I pitched myself on several podcasts and I would listen to episodes, I would pull out a nugget from an episode that stood out to me and I would say it in my email, I listened to episode, I listened to number and the name of it. And I sort of quoted back to them what they said and why I valued it. And I would tell you out of 10 emails, I probably got her back from like eight of them. And they didn't know me from anybody. But I did such a good job showing them the love that they wrote back quickly and I got on the show, so that strategy, I've used it in other avenues. So it's not just related to the job search, it's just a lifetime skill, you understand it. So many people just think that all they need to be concerned about is themselves. And that's just the wrong way to look at it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:16
But I think the other thing that so many people miss too, is, I know that when I'm using this, I am looking for something that I can genuinely connect with them on. And it can and should be used as a tactic. But I think it's so much more powerful when it's something that you're genuinely interested in. Because I know if it's verbal, then the words that come out of my mouth and my body language are gonna be different. But if it's written, then the way that I even think about it to put it down on the page comes across differently too. So it comes across as genuine versus...

Danny Rubin 35:50
Yeah. It's just, we can sense immediately if something is real or fake. We know it, we can feel it and these strategies are so easy to implement, you know, I'm not asking you to spend hours and hours or code a website, it's just go to their site, read up on what they're doing. And the thing that shocks me is, if you want to work for a company, why would you walk in there or write them without really any knowledge of what they do? If you want to work there so bad, why would you want to take the time to get to know them? It could be your life, it could be your every day, and what you do all the time. So to walk in there with no knowledge, or to like, this happened to me recently, we had a young man come in here for an interview, and I said, "have you checked out our website?" It's always a test. I always ask that as a test. And then I cringe because they know what they're gonna say, which is like, "you know, I haven't done it yet." But he said, "you know, I meant to, I really meant to and I'm gonna check out your website after the interview." And I said, "well, that's just a dead end answer because you need to tell already. I want to have a discussion with you about the work we do. I don't want it to be like, I sit here with a list of questions like, I'm checking off a list. I want to have a discussion with you about PR. I want to talk about our projects, I want to talk about what you've done, I want to have a dialogue here. As if you worked here, and we were sitting around having a strategy session don't come in with no knowledge of what we've done because it's a non starter for me, you know, I don't want to just be like, asking you boring interview questions. I want to have a discussion, and because you might work here." And so that's where the mindset you got to be in, you got to be ready to talk shop with them and get on their level.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:00
So we've got a question from Cindy. Cindy says, "hey, examples of my work are mostly proprietary. I work in accounting and project management. What do you suggest as examples that I could use on the email to a new company?

Danny Rubin 37:46
Okay, what I would say then is, "are there examples of what your company has accomplished that you were a part of? Is your company sharing information on its website about, you know, a big project they completed or a new client abroad on or a big partnership just undertook or a big advantage just put on?" And if you had a role in that, that's what I would say, if you've ever written like a blog about your topic or ever been quoted on someone else's article about the topic, share that. I just need to see examples of how good you are. And if you don't have examples, and you have to create the examples, you know, if you can't share anything proprietary on your job, I understand that. But you need to find a space to even if it's a personal blog to put your thoughts down about the work you do, just so... because honestly, I don't care what business you're in, you don't have to be like a digital strategist to have, if you have a website, it shows me that you understand 101 other skills related to the business today. And even if you're in finance you think you never have to do it, it just shows me a level of understanding about how the world works, that you've taken the time to create your own space to share your own stuff. Because every company has to do that today. And it would just show me a lot. Even if you're coming from a space that doesn't necessarily say you must, you know, have a blog. I think it just speaks volumes about how hard you work, how dedicated you are to sharing your information and creating a brand for yourself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:20
But here's a couple of interesting things that I was thinking about, as you're talking about that, Danny. It is such a low bar right now. First of all, I agree with you that yes, it tells you so much about the other person on a variety of different levels. But it is such a low bar right now because there still are so many people that are not doing those things.

Danny Rubin 39:43
Yes, exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:44
Then it causes you to stand out. We're talking about standing out earlier, right. So a couple of easy ways to be able to do that even if you don't want to take the time to go create a WordPress website. There are a number of tools and resources out there like aboutme.com or about.me or whatever it is, right? Maybe it's aboutme.com. One of those...

Danny Rubin 40:07
I know what you're talking about.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:08
Or branded.me or visual CV. Actually, I just talk to them very recently, just talk to their founder, because I was really impressed with their product, they had reached out to me. But one of the things that it does is it allows you to take your resume or CV and then create a website for it. And that might sound like a small thing, but it's better than having no portfolio. It's another place that you can link that up, cause yourself to stand out and then show examples even in a resume or CV format that happens to be on the web. Levo spelled leveo.com they have a place where you can put together a profile pretty easily too. So all of those are really great resources that make it ridiculously easy. And within 5 to 10 minutes, you can add something.

Danny Rubin 40:57
Now one more is called portfolium. They allow you to make your own online portfolio in minutes that's on their platform. So that's also another easy way. And you're so right about, it's an expectations game. And everything I talked about is the employer is going to expect you to do X, and you're going to do Y, and everyone else is still going to do X. And the Y doesn't take that much more effort, it's just changing how we think about what we're doing. Because we get so conditioned to write a resume the same way, write a cover letter the same way. And so the employer expects, what he or she is going to find. And your opportunity is to do it another way to stand out and go about it in a smarter, more strategic way that's going to make them pop up and say, hold on, who is this person, this person is much more interesting, because you know how to describe yourself, tell your stories, and rely on the details of your experience that will enhance your overall platform. So it's a total expectations game and it's to the benefit of people in your class because they're going to stand out and others are just going to get lumped in.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:06
Great question, Cindy.

Danny Rubin 42:08
Yeah, it is.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:09
Very good. We just covered off a ton of stuff.

Danny Rubin 42:14
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:14
Do you have any, more? Speaking of expectations.

Danny Rubin 42:19
Yeah, I always want to over deliver, right.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:23
I figured. I would, I saw a point three on there. So I want to make sure that if you got more that we give you...

Danny Rubin 42:31
Oh, no, it was the only thing left was just a reminder about my book is on Amazon. I did have a third point actually, we can just talk about it for a minute that I thought we had time but I removed it, which is talk about managing expectations, the power of telling a story of success in your cover letter, and I don't have the visuals right now to show you but I will just say that, it's so easy to start a cover letter like we've always done it with, "Hi, my name is blank. And I think it'd be a perfect fit for the blank job." But one thing I learned in TV news is the power of a story. That's what makes people pay attention, lean in on their seat and say, "wait, what's going on? There's a challenge. There's an issue. There's an obstacle. How does it end? Did the person overcome it?" It's the same thing as like watching a movie. So your life has those moments. It's an exercise in environment, because I'll ask people, "you know, in the last six months, can you think of a situation on the job or in a class, an internship where you face a challenge and had to overcome that challenge?" And people always raise their hand immediately. They have a story right away, and they're always great. And I say that story defines you because that story demonstrates all the soft skills the employer wants to hire. It shows your dedication, your perseverance. Let me give you a quick story. I always love telling this one because it's so instructive on what could happen when you learn to tell your stories and not rehash your resume and your cover letter. So I was working with a young woman in Maryland, who maybe I told you this before Scott, I'm not sure. But she worked for, she was a HR, a temporary HR position at a chicken plant. A really a national brand called Perdue. We've all heard of Perdue. It was huge plant in the eastern shore of Maryland. She was a temp, wanted a full time job, could not find one. Sending out a resume, no answers, no answers couldn't get a lit. And I was looking at her resume as I was coaching, doing like one on one coaching with her and her resume it said, the bullet points said, update company cell phone records. That's what it said. And I said, what does... a very flat, right? Like this is just sort of like, "what I do if it was a job description?" Very boring. But that's what we're trying to do. And I said, "Well, what does that bullet point means? She said, "well, actually, they had me update the phone records for a thousand employees. Many of them wouldn't answer my email. So I had to go find them on foot on our campus, or call them and it took three months to track everybody down." So huge task. I mean, like really onerous. A thousand people, at the end of it, she received a thank you letter from the Chief Information Officer of Perdue, and she received a raise. So I said, "Wow, all you told me on your resume was you update cellphone records, like look how much it's beneath the surface? This is a great story." She said, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I never thought of it that way." I said, "You're allowed to tell your story in your cover letter. It's a dynamic story. And that's a great space to show all the soft skills that employers want to hire because it contains what, perseverance, work ethic, determination, dedication, all that stuff, all that stuff they want to hire." So she wrote that story as the lead to her cover letter. The opening paragraph, the opening line was something to the effect of I had to find a thousand people and didn't know where to start. That was the opening line to her cover letter. It wasn't, "Hi, my name is..." because again, it's managing expectations. And the story was great beginning, middle, end, it told the issue, told us you work through it, and it told the conclusion. And then in that next section, she said, "Hi, my name is..." once I have your attention, and I've proven my ability through a story. So we worked on that cover letter, she sent it off, I went off, kind of went my own merry way. I checked in maybe six weeks later, to see how she was doing. She had received three calls from employers, two job offers, and was already moving to Washington DC to start a job as an HR person at a law firm. And if that doesn't say everything to me, on the power of stories to command attention, prove ability and leave a lasting impression on the reader, you know, she was... it's the same person, the same life, but we don't think we're allowed to share our stories. And the reality is if you don't share your stories, and you did all that hard work, then what was it all for? You have to use those moments where you overcame obstacles to drive you to that next phase. And I want to take that idea and spread it everywhere because if we can become a nation of storytellers, especially for job seekers, we're going to get those opportunities faster than the competition. It's just the way it goes. Because everyone else is just using bland language. I'm a natural leader, I have a passion for success, whatever that means. And you're like, no, let me tell you what I did when I have a thousand people to find and I didn't know what the heck to do. And it's like, who wouldn't want to hire that? And I bet you, she was hired over more qualified people. That's Washington DC. It's a competitive place. It's a law firm, but I bet you that story, elevated her because it made her someone who they could trust would get in there day one and just get to work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:58
This is perfect on so many different levels. And it's also a great place to be able to pull all this, all of these things together. Because everything, yeah, everything has really had this theme of standing out. And the interesting thing about standing out is you don't have to do everything to be able to stand out. You don't have to go way above and beyond, all you have to do is a little bit differently or a little bit more. And that's what I hear you saying, in all of these cases, hey, let's just shift the way we're doing it.

Danny Rubin 48:34
I'm not a design guy. I'm never going to tell somebody like turn your resume into a cereal box or something wacky like that, because that's not my thing. And I think a lot of times, you're missing the mark, because obviously if you want to be like a graphic designer, okay, maybe, but I'd still rather know about a time in your graphic design experience where you had like, five projects to finish in like 12 hours and you just like cranked it out. Like that's the stuff that I want to know and when I put down your application, I'm going to say I just read 20 applications, they were all boring except one. And that one is the person I want to meet. And because you knew how to describe your ability better than the next person, and that's just the name of the game. So, in the book, I have some templates on how to do that. And I also have an outline for like each part of it. Because also in that cover letter, we do the same approach as I showed you in that email, applying for jobs. We again show that we research the company and value what they do. So you do a great job telling a story and you do a great job showing the love and at the end, like that's the best you could ever hope to do in that space in one page or less. That's it, you've done the best job possible, sort of putting yourself out there and saying someone else had a match where my head's at on this because no one will.

Scott Anthony Barlow 49:57
That is absolutely fantastic. I want to make sure that people know where they can connect up with you. We've already mentioned the blog, dannyhrubin.

Danny Rubin 50:06
Yeah, that's right. That's why I say it so you don't forget it. And then I tell you a story about that a little bit.

Scott Anthony Barlow 50:11
Exactly. Yeah, I know what you're doing though.

Danny Rubin 50:14
It's all about the story. Yeah. dannyhruben, let me... I can open up my slides again, one sec to show that set page, dannyhruben and my Twitter is DannyHRubin as well. Yeah. And I'd love to hear from you. You can tweet me or contact me through my website. I'm happy to answer questions. And again, the book is called "Wait, How Do I Write This Email?" and about a year into the game and I'm really getting it out there now. I'm going to have it more deeply into the high school system in the coming year. And also some retail stores which I'm excited about. So it's happening and for anybody who's written their own book and self published, I think you should, this is a source of pride to get the book into cool places without the traditional path. Which again, is sort of, you make your own way in this world. And you'll do it as job seekers. And I'm doing it as an author.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:07
Very cool. Go get the book, you can get it on Amazon. "Wait, How Do I Write This Email?" Absolutely love it. Thank you so much for making the time, Danny. I really appreciate it.

Danny Rubin 51:20
You're very welcome. Thank you for having me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:23
All right, all, Hey, this has been another session for career change boot camp, which were, like I said, recording at the same time for the podcast. Go over there. Check out Danny stuff. I've been to his website a number of times. I'm continuously impressed. Every time I've taken just a couple minutes and clicked around. I'm like, "Oh, this is really good, too." "Oh, this is good, too. How does he keep doing that?" I think that you'll find the exact same thing. And apparently he's told us the secrets. He just eliminates all the stuff that's less than good. So...

Danny Rubin 51:54
That's why I keep removing old posts that aren't relevant and just giving you the stuff that counts.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:59
Absolutely love it. All right. We will see y'all later. Appreciate it next time. Adios. Thanks, Danny.

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Why You Should Trust Your Gut Intuition When It Comes to Your Career with Jason Bollman

Wherever you are in your life, do you ever find yourself asking:

Why does this not feel right?

At times we may even think:

“What am I doing?
This should be everything that I want. It should be hitting all the right things and for some reason, it just doesn’t feel right.”

Whether it is about your current financial situation, your relationship, or your job, sometimes we have these feelings that we just can’t shake.

Those feelings we don’t know how to describe exactly.

It’s that feeling at the pit of your stomach that puts a little doubt in your mind when you set out to do something you weren’t really too sure about to begin with.

And sometimes, it’s that utter and complete feeling of self-assurance that comes out of nowhere when you’re about to make one of the biggest decisions of your life — like marriage, buying a new house, or your career change.

Those feelings? That’s your gut intuition trying to tell you something. Trusting your gut intuition is important!

The definition of intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

It’s safe to say that the decisions we make in life are usually made with our head or our heart.

But, a lot of the time with specific big life decisions, our heads will use all the logic it can to persuade us to stay in the safe zone when it comes to finalizing those big career decisions.

Many people find themselves torn when it comes to their career change.

They know and feel deep down inside that something isn’t right and they struggle with taking a chance to actually make a change in their career.

Why do we fight what we know to be true in our core?

We see how others reach their goals and we think we must follow in their footsteps to reach the same success.

But, the truth is: we don’t.

Success is defined by our own definitions and the way we reach our career milestones and life goals is up to us.

LISTENING TO AND TRUSTING YOUR GUT INTUITION

One way to breakthrough the traditional path of success that we’ve built up in our heads to be the only path of success is to listen to that little voice in the back of our head telling us where we need to be to successfully reach our own career goals (whatever they may look like).

Here’s how we can learn to listen to our gut intuition and trust ourselves enough to reach our career success.

There were other instances in my personal life where following my gut, instead of my head really paid off.

Jason Bollman
CREATE A SPACE TO REFLECT

Career change requires a lot of your time, energy, and effort.

It doesn’t do you any good if you are in a constant battle between deciding to listen to your head or your heart.

Getting in the habit of creating your own space to reflect on your life and career goals and how you reach them is something you should make a top priority.

Make time to go for a run, read a book, network, or just find some time you can set aside for yourself to sit, relax, think, and reflect.

Creating a space without an agenda or to-do list to just be present to listen to your gut intuition about your career choices is the first step to find the answers you’re looking for.

I journaled — tried to figure out what is wrong.

This looks right on paper, but it just doesn’t feel right when I wake up in the morning.

Jason Bollman
PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND TAKE ACTION

What is something you can do that will move you one step closer to where you want to be?

When you find that one thing you can do to bring you closer to your career goals, you can begin to put that commitment into action.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

If you decide that you want to dip your toe into a new field by volunteering for an organization to either get a feel for their organization’s culture or if it is a position that you are thinking of switching to, make it happen.

Dedicate a set amount of time to your commitment and get a feel for what your life would look like if you made the career switch.

Trusting the work that you did by listening to your heart deserves a good try.

So, listen to your gut and take action.

Trusting your gut intuition will give you the opportunity to intentionally put yourself in a situation that you can enjoy.

By listening to your instincts, you give yourself a chance to grow your career.

If you’re not quite ready to hand over all of your logic to the decisions made by your heart, we’ve got the resources to help you keep moving forward with your career change.

Check out our career coaching.  We have world-class career coaches that will ask you challenging questions, keep you accountable, encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate, and offer you a different perspective.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome back to Happen to Your Career. I am incredibly, ridiculously, ecstatic to be here with our guest today because he has done some amazing things with his life and journey and career very recently. What is even more fun is our team has been able to participate. He has allowed us to share in it. He has a great story. Welcome to Happen to Your Career Jason, how are you?

Jason Bollman: Doing great Scott. Glad to be here.

Scott Barlow: We are going to get to your story and changes and progression but before we do that help people understand what you get to do now.

Jason Bollman: I have just started a new role where I oversee the offerings our company puts together in how we sell our products to our clients and how the team delivers that. As part of the offerings I’m putting together there is a big focus on training. I have a couple training developers under me putting together e-learning, training guides, and training our consultants. I run that portion of the business.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I have had hands in all that before. It can be a lot of fun.

Jason Bollman: I’m very excited about it.

Scott Barlow: You haven’t always been doing that. This is a recent change. I’ve talked to Lisa and she’s shared some of your story. You worked with Lisa Lewis. For those of you who don’t know her you can hear her story on episode 147. Way before that you have had quite the career. Where does this start for you way back? What did the beginnings of your career look like?

Jason Bollman: I went to school for civil engineering. A little ways from working with a software company that I’m at today. During college I did a co-op program where I worked a semester then went to school for a semester. There were a lot of engineering points I liked but it didn’t get all of me. I would get involved in campus ministry and a fraternity on campus. I was being really active on campus. I realized engineering wasn’t all of me. I did volunteering after graduating and settled on a teaching program in Omaha, Nebraska. I taught for two years while working on a master’s degree. I taught middle school math. I enjoyed it but realized that teaching wasn’t for me either.

Scott Barlow: I didn’t realize you had a detour in Omaha. I’ve spent some time there. I almost moved there. There is a lot of cool things I didn’t know until I visited.

Jason Bollman: My wife and I really enjoyed our time there and considered settling in permanently but it was a little bit further from family than we’d like. We moved a little closer to home. Omaha was a great experience.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. You went there and you were teaching and determined that maybe this isn’t the right thing for me. What happened from there?

Jason Bollman: Fortunately coming from a teaching position I had a summer buffer to figure out what was next. I did some reflection to determine what would be a good fit for my engineering and teaching background and found technical consulting getting into a software space working with clients and it is technical. It had everything I wanted. Once I got into the company I started at a help desk. Not many people were willing to put me in a consulting role with my background. I started at a help desk, learned the software and showed my abilities and was able to move to consulting. Eventually I managed I team of consultants.

Scott Barlow: Back up for a second. I think you just glossed over a bunch of stuff that took place for those to happen. You didn’t walk in and start at the help desk then boom let’s get this guy to manage a team. I’m guessing that wasn’t the case. I’m curious what happened in between there that took you from one spot to another?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. In coming into the help desk position I knew I didn’t want to be a support analyst for a career. I wanted a more client facing role. It played out, because I was eager to learn. I was on the software that focused on multi-family division and was figuring out how the reports worked and financial worked. Let me look at the development piece. It was a constant hunger going above and beyond what was expected. It helped me give a resume to the consulting team that showed I wasn’t just doing the status quo. It helped make the transition.

Scott Barlow: Interesting. I’m curious going from teaching into making that initial move, was that a difficult decision for you or was it obvious? I’m partially curious because we are in the middle of the summer and we get so many teachers that find the podcast because they are in summer and have time to reflect. We also find that a lot of teachers don’t make the move even though they feel like they should. What was that like for you and why did you decide to do it?

Jason Bollman: During the teaching program I was part of it become apparent I love kids. I think I did well as a teacher but it become apparent I didn’t have what it takes to do it full time. I struggled with the parents. I was looking to get more into the complexity of problem solving and troubleshooting. The lesson plans were consistent each year. It hit on a number of key pieces that were helpful but not the whole package. There was a lot of frustration and I was struggling to make things happen and get the analytical pieces of me that I had in engineering. I lost that in education.

Scott Barlow: That makes sense to me. Lisa has shared bits of you story. You strike me as the type of guy that can sink your teeth into difficult or complex problems.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely I love the details. Let me dive in and see things from top to bottom.

Scott Barlow: That makes sense. You aren’t getting all of that in the teaching role and you make the move to the help desk and are taking some great steps that cause you to move through the ranks pretty quickly. What happened from there?

Jason Bollman: Working as a consultant I was doing a lot of projects on my own. Running my portion of the business without a lot of checking in. I was mentoring the younger consultants and taking the portions of the software I knew so they could do the portions of the training I was doing. There was an opportunity when a manger left the company. I had expressed a desire to take on more and had proven I was doing all right in my current role. They gave me a shot managing a group of consultants.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. They brought you on board and you are managing a team of consultants which sounds awesome and from the outside looks like a great job. So what happened for you to say it isn’t right anymore?

Jason Bollman: You have it right there. It looked from the outside the ideal position. Working with clients, doing deep diving things, being a leader which has always interested me, managing a team. It seemed it would all be good. I was on the road traveling to visit a client and wondered what I was doing. It should be all that I want hitting all the right things but it doesn’t feel right. I struggled with that for a while before asking for help and pursuing a career coach. I talked to family and friends, prayed, journaled trying to figure out what was wrong. It looks right on paper but doesn’t feel right when I wake up in the morning.

Scott Barlow: What do you feel like after going through all that and you know deep down something isn’t right. What did you determine wasn’t right or was misaligned?

Jason Bollman: Great question. In part, it didn’t come out until later, but realizing there is an entrepreneurial bug in me and desire to run my own business someday. Lisa helped me uncover that. It was part of why I was struggling to pinpoint. My dad was successful working in business as an employee moving to an executive level. I thought that was the way to go. He enjoyed it. Not until after working with Lisa did I realize I have a desire to branch out and do my own thing someday. The environment, the leadership team I was part of wasn’t as fruitful as I’d hoped. I enjoyed who I managed but my upline was not one that I gelled with as much as I’d like. I didn’t feel I was on part of a team. It was a desire to branch out on my own and not being in the right environment.

Scott Barlow: Interesting. That makes a ton of sense. The bosses and leaders you are working with, whether you feel supported in whatever it looks like, if it’s not lining up, it’s one of the biggest things that have a huge impact on your level of happiness, based on research. First of all kudos for doing something about it. What was the period of time where you said I’m doing journaling and talking and I need to do something to change this? What happened?

Jason Bollman: Great question. In part it was one of my close friends. He hired a business coach. He is in the process of launching his own professional speaking, career coaching type of company and hired a coach. And talked about how beneficial it was and having an accountability partner to keep you moving in the right direction. It was partly that and my wife and closer friends getting sick of me asking the same questions. I need some professional help instead of just complaining and brainstorming with my wife.

Scott Barlow: Part of it was you seeing other people and your wife giving you the boot to stop complaining.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely, I love you but we have to stop talking about this.

Scott Barlow: Totally understand that. Been there. Alyssa will tell you.

Scott Barlow: That is interesting because I didn’t know that part of the story. It makes complete sense. As you started embarking on this journey what did you go through to get to the point. You’ve made this shift in roles. I would say it’s not the easiest thing to do. There are two things going on if I understand. You’ve made a shift to a role that is much better in alignment for now but also you still have this desire to do something on your own on the side. Am I seeing that right?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. This is a great role currently. It is allowing me to develop skills to branch out on my own. I know this is a shorter term game knowing I’ll move on to something on my own. It’s a good gig along the way.

Scott Barlow: To be honest that is why I’m interested in talking to you. That is real world for how some of these things happen. I think many of us want to know how to get to the point where we have four million dollars and spend our days doing whatever we want. I think most people don’t realize the things that happen in between there. That is an opportunity to still enjoy yourself or intentionally put yourself in a situation where you continue to grow. I respect what you are doing and how you are thinking about it because few people do that. Help me understand what led up to this? You and Lisa had been working on this for a while. What happened? What was hard and what was easier?

Jason Bollman: It was a rollercoaster working with Lisa. It ebbed and flowed. She identified pretty early about the entrepreneurial bug. I dismissed it. It’s not for me but for others. We discussed the roles I had. We talked about moving from project management to managing product. Building the software instead of just implementing it. Went down that route, did research, applied for jobs, networked, and talked to a bunch of people. At one point my homework was to connect with a certain number of people in product management. I talked to a couple people and realized it still wasn’t right. It feels like my current job. Still not what I’m looking for. We had to back pedal and try the focusing questions again. What do you want? What do you want your life to look like in 20 - 30 years? In 30 years I’d love to have the four million dollars and work when I want and do what I want. How do I start taking steps to that? We went down the route looking for a different type of job, company, and environment. And having to backpedal when it didn’t feel right.

Scott Barlow: What was that like being in that? The steps forward, testing if it’s right, and then as you called it, backpedaling, and coming back. What was the most difficult part of that?

Jason Bollman: The hardest part for me was to sit with the topics and get deep into why I wanted to make the change. Lisa was good about asking the questions with our coaching calls. I’d have three questions I could put together easily but she’d ask for four and it was hard and five which was really hard and then six or seven. The six or seven clarifying questions really got past the surface level to decide why I wanted to pursue certain things and why I wanted my own business in the future. It’s uncomfortable to get down to those questions in your life.

Scott Barlow: It’s interesting and I love how you are putting it. It helps people understand how this really works. I think we all know logically there will be steps forward and back as you are tackling this. It’s hard while you are in it. It’s how it actually works. You go out and you have this hypothesis about yourself and you test it. You talk to people and in your case you realized it isn’t the thing at all and you come back. It feels like a step backwards but it isn’t because it allows you to move forward in a different area or get closer to the answer. So many people get derailed because it feels they are going backwards. What caused you to keep going and not being discouraged? Or did Lisa have to drag you?

Jason Bollman: There is a little kick in the butt from her. She helped me realize that following my gut or intuition has really helped me out. That intuition that brought me to coaching. There were other instances in my personal life like relationships with my wife where following my gut instead of my head paid off. Being an engineer by default I’m analytical and don’t like to follow my gut. It was a kick in the pants and also her helping me understand what my gut is saying. Put your head out of it for a minute and let’s sit with it.

Scott Barlow: Super interesting. That is actually to be honest, the reason we didn’t move to Omaha, Nebraska. We had an opportunity to move there with the company I was with. My wife and I had been talking about this and actively planning to move there because that was where they were located. We visited and loved it but then we were talking in the kitchen one day and realized we were ignoring that gut feeling. At the same time we a realized our plan was to move to Omaha to get experience so we could move back to Moses Lake, Washington. We looked at each other and said why are we doing this? We were doing the same thing you were describing. We were “logic”-ing the crap out of it with our head and ignoring our heart. It’s interesting you bring it up. For people just starting to pay attention what advice would you give them to push off some of that stuff? Our head overtakes and we ignore the gut feeling. How have you done it?

Jason Bollman: You have to create space in your life to sit with it. It started with me journaling for the first 15 minutes of my morning. No agenda, just whatever was on my mind. Getting in the habit of being reflective, sitting and asking what I’m feeling. No lists or questions. Just where am I? One thing I did while working with Lisa was using some of my paid time off. One day a week for two and a half months, 8 - 10 days where I took a day off, switched it up, and created space to go for a run, read, and do some networking, to have time to sit and think and reflect. That was most helpful. Creating a space with no agenda or to do list. Just sitting and listening to your gut.

Scott Barlow: That is invaluable advice. It is also something some people may have heard before. Creating space. What prompted you to actually do it and take action? I think so many of us think about it, planning on using the time for other things. How did you prioritize it high enough in your life? It’s clearly paid off but I don’t think when we are on the other end it’s very easy to see the pay off. If I do this it will lead to insights and millions of cash. Whatever comes with it? What did you do?

Jason Bollman: The morning journaling. I read the Miracle Morning and hearing his story, taking care of his lifesaver, visualizations, and affirmations. Hearing all those things made it seem I could get up 15 -20 minutes earlier and do those things. Why not. That was the first seed to start me. Moving to taking the time off, which is big step. I had put together a list of what I needed to make a change. Lisa is helping me see I can branch out in my own thing. Where do I want to go with this? With my analytical mind I made a list of all the things I could do. I could do a side business and jump out a plane with the parachute on the way down. I could take a part-time job to have some income. I could move to a different company with a different role. Ultimately taking some time off to have space was the best option.

Scott Barlow: Two things I take away. One it’s the smaller changes earlier on that enable you to move down the path to get to the bigger changes. Journaling allowed you to see the benefits of the time and space and reflecting. Being able to put multiple options in front of yourself to decide and what is the best fit. It allowed you to look at it holistically rather than be in perpetual what ifs. I could quit my job but then I’m scared for different reasons. Looking at it with different options allows you to evaluate differently. Ultimately get to a better position. Is that what you experienced?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. You touched on starting small. I can get up earlier and journal. Five minutes becomes fifteen and it becomes finding a career coach which leads to writing everything down. I have a bad habit hearing people say you have to create space and take all this time off and jumping right to this. But what’s something you can start just five minutes a day and go from there. It builds on itself.

Scott Barlow: I love that. For someone on the other side of this just starting to have the same feelings you did that something is wrong, not totally sure what it is yet but they are no longer ignoring the gut feeling. What would you advise them to do having just done it in the last 6 months?

Jason Bollman: Yes I’ve been working with Lisa in January so, six months.

Scott Barlow: Super cool. What advice would you have?

Jason Bollman: Great question. If you can just take some time. Take time this weekend to sit and reflect and ask why doesn’t it feel right? What am I committed to doing about it? For me it was journaling. It helped get things moving. Maybe for someone else, it could be I don’t feel great physically and need to start exercising. It looks different for every person. I’d challenge you to find some time, whether its fifteen minutes or a half hour to sit and think about if I could just change one place where would I start.

Scott Barlow: I love that. If I could just change one place where would I start? It happens that way for every person. It happened that way for me and Alyssa. Eight to ten years ago we were in a ton of debt and it was a huge issue. We fought all the time and bad stuff happened. For us it was just the tiny start to pay it off slowly which led to all kinds of other crazy life changes. It starts with one thing. Journaling, asking a question, whatever it might be. Super sage advice. I very much appreciate you taking the time and coming on the show. Before we leave I have one or two more questions. I appreciate this it’s been awesome.

As you thought about this and making the change what parts of it were unexpected for you? Especially more recently the last three months or so. What weren’t you thinking about or what things were unexpected?

Jason Bollman: Ultimately the role I am in now is a little of my own creation. There had been someone managing the offerings. There were individuals that worked on training development but not one single team working in the same way as I’m trying to get us to work. Creating a position out of nowhere. I was surprised how easy it was after I suggested it that they said yes. I thought I’d have to do an elaborate presentation. It was as simple as saying there is synergy here and my skill set and I’d like to talk more about it and they said let’s make it happen.

Scott Barlow: Super cool. I’m curious what do you think was in place at that point already so that it was well received and allowed creating something new? A new position. Not every situation will flow like that. Seeing this multiple times behind the scenes, I suspect that you probably already created the time and place. What do you think they were?

Jason Bollman: I had started being transparent with my leadership team that I was working with a career coach realizing this wasn’t the right fit. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go but was pursuing other opportunities. I would keep the team informed of what was going on, while I am here I am fully committed. Being open and honest and coming from a place of value that I want the team to be successful but I won’t be my best version if I stay in this role. Laying ground work, following my gut, having scary conversations. I felt it was right and it made the sell at the end much easier because I had been open and honest coming from a place of value.

Scott Barlow: I didn’t realize that was part of it. I’ve done a lot of that same thing. Probably as people hear you talk about it and how you shared it openly it probably scares the crap out of most of them. And it scared you and me but when you do things other people wouldn’t do and put yourself out there you earn the opportunity to develop trust others wouldn’t have and at the same time getting results that other people wouldn’t get which is crazy. What then took place in between there? Was it just you decided I see this opportunity I’m going to talk to them about it or was there more?

Jason Bollman: It fell into place. I had seen the opportunity and the portions I enjoyed and not having a fully formed thought. A different part of the organization was going through a re-organization, realigning to build the company for growth. We had acquisitions. I was in my manager’s office when he told me about it and a light bulb went off. Everything I’ve been thinking of this would be a perfect time to pitch it. I’ve been thinking about this and I htink it fits well with the re-organization that’s happening. He said it sounds great let’s talk to the vice president and get his insight. He was more excited than my boss. It had been marinating and I’d been thinking about it. It just came up. I’d been practicing following my gut so I put it out there.

Scott Barlow: Now I bet you are glad you did.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely.

Scott Barlow: That is amazing. Congratulations again by the way. I had only been able to tell you that over e-mail. I want to tell you face to face, or as close as we can, everyone else will hear it on audio. That is absolutely amazing. Jason thanks again for taking the time and making the time. This has been awesome.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. This has been great Scott. I appreciate it.

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Find Your Career Calling and Own Your Purpose with Jessica Williams

How many people do you know that are actually doing what they said they would be doing when they grew up?

How many of those people enjoy their career choice?

How many of those people are wishing they still had a chance to do something different?

Guess what?

There is still time.

No matter what age you are or what stage you’re at in your career, there is still time to go out and look for your career calling — to find that purpose, to make your mark on the world.

If you’re ready to tap into something bigger than your current job situation, you’re going to have to change your mindset from one that thinks that opportunities are limited and resources are too scarce for you to make a life change, to a more holistic approach of assuming abundance and becoming more in-tuned with yourself.

Now, let’s get to work on finding your career purpose and owning your calling.

IN ORDER TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS, WHAT YOUR CALLING IS, WHAT YOU’RE PASSIONATE ABOUT, THEN YOU GOTTA DO THE INNER WORK.

IN ORDER TO DO THE INNER WORK, A LOT OF STUFF IS GOING TO COME UP THAT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH — THAT MIGHT BE HARD, THAT MIGHT BE SCARY, THAT MIGHT BE OVERWHELMING, THAT MIGHT BE CONFUSING.

BUT, IF YOU DON’T LOOK AT THAT. I THINK YOU’LL REMAIN STUCK.

YOU’LL LACK SATISFACTION.

STEP 1: REFLECT

Being proactive in reflecting and evaluating your current job situation as it pertains to your life goals is crucial in finding your calling and the next steps of your career journey.

Create little mini-getaways for yourself clear your mind and start with a fresh slate to think about your career purpose on a deeper level.

Reflect on your strengths, what you value, a purpose you want to be involved in, and the kind of people you want to surround yourself with.

This first step of reflection is the hardest, but the most valuable in finding your career calling.

Taking your time and finding your calling can help you begin to create career goals to help design a life you love with purpose.

STEP 2: ACCEPT & ACKNOWLEDGE

Our careers constantly evolve as our priorities, life goals, and interests change.

Accepting these changes as we take the time to re-evaluate where we are in our lives will help us progress along our career change process.

Being able to acknowledge that, ‘Yes, this is what I want to do. This is what the accumulation of my skills, experience, and passion has led me to want to do,’ creates a sense of knowing and a feeling of confidence within ourselves that will start turning the wheel of momentum that we need to change our careers.

STEP 3: OWN IT

Now that you’ve taken the steps to reflect, identify, accept, and acknowledge what your career calling is, you’ve got to own it. And, you’ve got to own that purpose sooner rather than later.

There will be doubts of your decision from outside perspectives and maybe even from your inner voice, but you will need to develop strong boundaries that will give you the ability to discourage those nay-sayers and negative thoughts.

You have to be very in-tuned with yourself, believe in your purpose, and own your decision to pursue it.

Create a space within yourself that will give you the ability to gain self-mastery through your strengths, skills, and confidence to protect yourself from people that question your calling.

STEP 4: MAKE A PLAN-FINDING YOUR CALLING

With a clear direction of where you know you want your career to go, the next step is making a plan to get there.

How do you do that?

You can begin by identifying positions and organizations that align with your calling.

If you find that you’re in need of more guidance in the planning step, you can look into outside resources like hiring a career coach or recruiting mentors that have been in your position of change.

STEP 5: TAKE ACTION

In order to own your purpose, you’ll need to take intentional actions in reaching your newly identified career calling.

Start making small incremental changes toward your goals.

You can even volunteer in an organization that matches your calling or network with those that work in those same organizations to get more information or dip your toes in the waters of that new career.

Remember that it is always a good idea to evaluate your progress. If you have to, you can always pivot your career course.

As high performers, we are always looking for ways to improve where we are to where we want to go.

High performers want to build careers that are in alignment with their dreams and values.

The steps above will help you jump start you down a path to reach your new career goals and aid you in finding your calling.

Once you own your purpose and take action to do something different from what you’ve been doing, you’ll build momentum to continue to live out your calling.

Remember not to rush your career change process. By doing that, you defeat the purpose of the time you’ve put into doing all of the soul-searching and goal-setting to find your next career move.

If you find that you need more support through your career journey, we’ve got the resources for you.

Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser that can help you reach your career goals.

DOWNLOAD THE TRANSCRIPT TO THE EPISODE NOW

Introduction 00:00
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, Episode 189.

Jessica Williams 00:08
And I ended up moving there, sight unseen, with no furniture, it was just me and my dog. And I slept on the floor for a while. And no one would hire me. I mean, I had gone from $100,000 a year to sailing around the world to, now I can't get someone to let me pour coffee.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:35
This is Happen To Your Career, we help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing, or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Jerrad Shivers 00:58
Decided that maybe, you know, 80, 90 hour weeks and a young family doesn't necessarily go together.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:05
Jerrad was burned out with long hours and high stress.

Jerrad Shivers 01:09
When we started to do the questionnaire and write everything down, we started our pros and cons with where we wanted to live and who wanted to be around and all that stuff.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:17
Listen to Jerrad's story later on in the episode to learn how he used coaching to help him figure out what fits him and actually make the change to work he loves.

Jerrad Shivers 01:26
I ended up with my dream job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:33
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. Now we get to bring on experts like Jenny Foss, who's a career consultant who helps people define and communicate their personal brands, or people that have really amazing stories like Michael Bigelow, who identified as big value adds to follow a career path that he was able to grow. And these are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. And today, we get to talk to, Jessica Williams.

Jessica Williams 02:09
I am the founder of a company called The Superwoman Project. And we do everything from training, speaking, writing, coaching, to support the advancement of women into positions of power. So helping women with their careers, their leadership, helping them run their own businesses, so kind of run the gamut, but it's focused on women who want to become powerhouses in the world.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:38
In this interview, we'll get into the importance of being very clear about your career direction, and owning your calling. And even what that means and then the internal process in which you figure out your calling, if you're still unsure, and then how to transition out of the job without burning the bridge. Because as it turns out, that's not easy to do. I've done it both ways. And you know, it's much better one way versus another. Jessica has an amazing story of how she got to where she is now.

Jessica Williams 03:07
Yeah, so it's funny, Scott, because I don't talk about this often. And it's something I'm trying to talk more about. I grew up in the deep south in Raleigh, North Carolina. And it was an environment where women weren't taught necessarily to do the kind of things that I'm teaching women to do now, which is, go after what you want. You can be anything you want, do it unapologetically, be authentic, be you, you know, you could be anything you want, but don't be too loud, don't be too noxious, you know, maybe keep your mouth shut because you want men to like you. And by the way, keep your hair long and wear tight clothes, like I was taught a certain way to be as a woman. And I knew as a child that like something just wasn't right. And my dad, also when he drank, he would get incredibly violent. And he hit my mother in front of me a few times. And I saw my mom really sacrificing herself for her children and really not taking care of herself in the way that I now know, that's how I want to take care of myself in a different way. And I want the women around me to take care of themselves in a different way. And she did it for the sake of me and my brother, which I have very confusing feelings about sometimes, but my father was like, you can go out and be anything you want, but don't be too much, you know, and so it's always like, "Oh, I'm stuck and I feel confused." And so I went to college and then literally like bolted to the west coast like, I have never been further west in Tennessee, and I've never been to California but I just knew it was the place for me and I jumped in a two seater car and drove across the country, lived with a cousin I never met in Los Angeles, and, oh my god Scott, I don't know if you... a lot of your listeners, they might be recently graduated from college. But no one tells you when you first graduated from college, how hard it's going to be to integrate into, "real life" I think. I certainly did not know. And I had also put myself on a path of really challenging times. I didn't make it easy on myself. And I didn't have any connections in California, but I had been looking for work about six months prior to moving out to LA and I had a couple interviews in the pipeline. And within three weeks, I had a job. And I had a great job. I was working as a sales rep for a wine distributor. And my territory was the LA beaches, territory.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:41
Awesome. I've been there. Learn to surf there.

Jessica Williams 05:45
Right. I was living here most of beach, traveling all up and down LA, selling this beautiful wine. And I was so lonely, like I would cry and I didn't know if I'd made the right decision to move out there. And I had a really hard time making friends and but I pretty quickly met a man who was really 22 years older than me. And he was very adventurous and charming. And he sold Italian wine. And so I was just like...

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:11
Even better.

Jessica Williams 06:12
Right? I know and I was like, "Oh, I love you." And he was like, "Let's go. Let's go on adventures." And he had a little sailboat that he had sailed from San Diego to Florida through the Panama Canal in his 20s. And he took me on that boat one day and he said, "I want to sail around the world. And I want you to come with me." And I was like, "Sign ne up. I'm in! Yes." Like get me out of this like, rat race I'm in with work. And I feel so alone in the world, I don't understand like this what life is like just going....

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:46
All the questions. Yes.

Jessica Williams 06:49
I love it. I want to check it out. And so we ended up buying a bigger boat. I ended up moving down to San Diego and I got a job working for, this is really funny speaking of careers, working for autotrader magazines. Yeah, back when like print magazines was the thing. And it was right around the time autotrader.com was coming on. And they were kind of kicking our butts. And they hired a whole new sales staff to try to beat up territory. So I had this like huge territory of used car dealerships in San Diego where I was selling print advertising. And it was one of the most challenging jobs I've ever had. Because it was so toxic. I was so sick when I went to work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:31
What made it so toxic?

Jessica Williams 07:33
I mean, I hate to be mean, but just the environment of used car salesman and being a woman and I'm a very sensitive like person. I'm a very intuitive empathic person. And so I just pick up on things all around me. I didn't realize this at the time, but I look back. And I know it was draining on my soul just standing on car lots and taking photos of used cars with a little camera. And it was a grind, man, you had like deadlines because it was publications and advertising and quotas I had to make, and I was making big money. And like it was my first $100,000 a year job. And I was in one of the highest or the biggest territories in the country because San Diego is the largest used car market in the country. And my territory was the one of the biggest territories in San Diego. So arguably one of the largest like car dealership areas.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:27
You're in used car mecha?

Jessica Williams 08:28
Used car mecha, and it was just the hustle. But I quit in 2007, is kind of an interesting story, because I worked for this publishing company, you know, and we had people on the back end who were publishing the magazine, I was just the deliver of the content that I collected on the lot, and one day the magazine got messed up and one of my clients was pissed. And I got called into their office and it was like this mobster, gang of big brutish guys, like three of them standing behind a desk. And they were yelling at me. And I mean, they just needed somebody to yell at you know, and they're yelling at me and they're pounding on the desk and they're cursing and they're telling me what a horrible human being I am and how I'm never allowed on their lot again, and I'll never see another dealership, one of their dealerships again. And I literally like almost peed my pants. It was so terrifying. So I quit the next day because I had an anxiety attack. And I was like, this is too much. I might be making a lot of money, but this is too much. And my partner and I we've gotten married and we decided after that it was time to leave on the boat and we left in oh seven and we sailed around Southern California which was really cool. But we knew we needed to do more work on the boat and then we went back to San Diego for the winter, we worked on the boat nonstop. Like I didn't have a job, I just worked on the boat which was a lot of work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:53
What was that like?

Jessica Williams 09:54
It was crazy. We were living with his mother in law and she lived out in Rancho Bernardo which is kind of East County San Diego and we were working on our boat down in Point Loma. And you were commuting down there. And she would like pass us a lunch and we go down and we'd work on the rigging and the painting and the bottom of the boat. We read the through holes, and we were constantly working on the engine. I mean, I took diesel mechanic classes, like, I know everything there is no, well, not everything but I know a lot about diesel engines. You know, I mean, it was just constantly like, in the grit and the grime of that life. You know, in preparation for this big beautiful dream, we had this thing, we just like... we were consumed by, and looking back, he was more consumed by it than I was. I was just kind of tagging along in a way. And I think that was part of the problem. And when we left, you know, we sailed from San Diego to Canada. So we went up the entire West Coast of the United States headed north, which is arguably one of the most dangerous sailing crossings you can do in the world, because there's not a lot of places to duck out to harbor for and you're basically going against the wind the whole time. So it's more advantageous to motor. It was a hard rough trip and our relationship too, was not healthy. And I came from this childhood where I saw my mother kind of beaten down. And I was in a relationship, just like that. I mean, it wasn't physical, but it was emotional. And it was controlling and manipulative. And we had that situation on a boat. And I literally lost myself like, I mean, I just became a shell of a human being, I became whatever he wanted me to be, which was never enough. And when we came into Canada, we sailed around the San Juan Islands in the Gulf Islands for a summer. And then we landed in Port Townsend, Washington, and I bought a one way ticket to North Carolina to stay with my family, which just felt odd because I felt like I had kind of run away from my family, and now I was running away from him back to my family, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I spent three months back there. And it was a hard three months. I eventually came back to Port Townsend, and we tried again and by just a couple of months and it didn't work. And he wanted to keep going on the boat and I didn't. So I went to had this kind of like awakening in my life where I went to this retreat center on Cortez Island, which is...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:27
Been there.

Jessica Williams 12:27
Oh, you have...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:28
I have been. Yeah. All over that area, actually. On boat.

Jessica Williams 12:32
Yeah. It's beautiful. I mean, you know, it's right off of Vancouver, right off of Vancouver Island. It's a few islands in, so it's pretty isolated. And I worked as a volunteer at hollyhock. Did you go to hollyhock? when you were there?

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:45
For some reason, that doesn't sound familiar. I assume I would remember that.

Jessica Williams 12:49
It's this beautiful Retreat Center for like meditation, yoga.

Jessica Williams 12:53
Higher consciousness. I mean, it's right on the water. I lived in this cabin with 10 other people from around the world who were also there, for some reason, similar to mine. And we volunteered, 30 hours a week for room and board, which meant I got these organic, beautiful organic meals, I got to attend a lot of the sessions that were happening in the retreat center, and I made some amazing friends. And I was just kind of like, I don't know what to do with myself, like, I don't know where to go, I can't go back to California, because everything about California reminds me of my ex husband, or at the time we were just separated. But you know, when I'm grieving, and this is so hard, and I can't go back to North Carolina, even that's all my family wants me to do. Like there's no way that's happening. And a friend of mine, at the retreat center, she was a chef and she was a naturopath and she had gone to the naturopathic school in Portland to get her degree. And she said, "You're gonna love Portland, just trust me, just move there and move off of Hawthorne Boulevard." And I was like, "okay" so I like sat down one day, Scott, like meditated. And I was like, why do I want... in true visualization like this is manifestation in action, right? Like I meditated on what I wanted my life to look like in Portland and I just like, I could taste it. I could feel it. I knew like down to what the molding would look like, on the walls in my room, what this place had to look like. And I swear to you, I mean, this happens to me all the time, I don't know if this happens to you. But I went on Craigslist. And that place... that place I visioned showed up in my search results. And I ended up moving their sight unseen, with no furniture. It was just me and my dog. And I slept on the floor for a while. It was the height of the recession. So Portland was so hard headed. We had one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, and no one would hire me. I mean, I had gone from $100,000 a year to sailing around the world to now, I can't get someone to let me pour coffee and I was biking around the city because I didn't have a car, I didn't have enough money to buy a car, I had barely enough money to pay my rent. And I'm biking around the city with resumes in my backpack, just like passing them out because there were no jobs online to apply for. If there were, I wasn't qualified, because I hadn't worked in a couple of years, I started just kind of like doing whatever I could to find work. And I remember I was working with this recruiting company in Portland. And they sent me on a few interviews and interviews I could get because I had done sales, or sales jobs. And they were sales jobs for software companies, which I can't think of anything I'd rather sell less than...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:54
Intersting.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:43
Hey, I want to ask you about, but I am curious, even before, like, just to jump back for a second here. I am so curious, what prompted you in the first place to begin visualizing or anything like that, because you had up till that point, it seemed like very much lead a life where you were, for lack of a better phrase, kind of running from one thing to the next and then following what somebody else wanted. And something in there occurred, it seemed like, I don't know if it's just being around other people. But, what took place where you even got to the point where you had that moment?

Jessica Williams 16:20
Wow... that moment where I started really living the life I wanted and pursuing that?

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:25
Well, that moment that we're meditating on what you actually wanted, and then of course, had the very serendipitous, which I find that serendipity is sometimes not so serendipitous, can't always explain it. But what led up even you wanting to begin imagining what you wanted versus what...?

Jessica Williams 16:44
Well, it was kind of like, it was a lot of things. I mean, there were a lot of signs coming my way, books I was reading. A friend of mine, she's a Sikh, and she lived in Santa Fe at the time. And...

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:56
What does that mean?

Jessica Williams 16:57
For god! I'm not the right person to ask. But it's a form of religion. And it's a belief system around non violence. And there was a gentleman who kind of ran, who was kind of the leader of the community died a while back, but he was... it's very, very into yoga and non violence. And

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:15
I'm googling right now.

Jessica Williams 17:17
Yeah, they typically were the the headdress, and she very much into yoga meditation. And she sent me this entire box of books on meditation and yoga, and I was already practicing yoga. So it helped deepen, those books help deepen my practice. And then, I mean, it was just a lot of things. It was a lot of mentors that came along my path who encouraged me, like I was in a coffee shop one day, and there was a card on a cork board, and it said, 'writing group' and I was like, "okay, that sounds good." And this was when I was living in Port townsend, I was like, I liked the writing group was comprised of two older lesbian women who lived in Port Townsend, who were like, 65, 60 years old, and it was me and them, and we'd write in their little house and drink tea. And, you know, and they were just bad ass women who've done really cool things in the world. And they were just like, you know, encouraging me. And then all the people I met at hollyhock, all the amazing women I'd met, who have either been divorced, or were in their 40s and still single, had like, encouraged me, like, your life isn't over. Like, there's so much available to you. And then somewhere along the way, Scott, someone pointed me to what color is your parachute, which is like classic career book, and I sat down and did a lot of the exercises around what I was good at, what my values were, what I felt like the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, the kind of purpose I wanted to be involved in. And right around that time that I was looking for work in Portland, I kind of had this vision, I mean, and that's kind of the moment when I realized, I want to do something to help women because I don't want other women to be here where I am, sleeping on the floor, with no possibilities in front of me, no opportunities. And I don't know where to find resources. It was just kind of like, you know, grasping for things. And I want to be home base for those women at any stage in the game. And that was when I had the vision for the summit, which I'm now doing this fall for the first time. The first annual Superwoman summit is happening in Portland and that vision came to me over a decade ago, because I thought we have to convene women, we have to talk about this, we have to have conversation.

Jerrad Shivers 19:36
It literally made me sick, the anxiety, the stress that I was under.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:42
Jerrad's job was obviously not a fit for him.

Jerrad Shivers 19:47
Decided that maybe you know, 80, 90 hour weeks and a young family doesn't necessarily go together. So I knew I needed help and I knew I wasn't going to be able to do this by myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:59
So Jerrad came to us looking for help and found that in one on one coaching.

Jerrad Shivers 20:04
You can let life happen to you or you can happen to your life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:07
As we worked with him, Jared and his wife really had to figure out what they really actually wanted in their life.

Jerrad Shivers 20:14
When we started to do the questionnaire and write everything down, we started our pros and cons with where we wanted to live and who wanted to be around and all that stuff. All those things added up over time in the final discussions of, okay, well, this is what I can do. And this is what I can't do. And this is what I need to do. This is how much travel I'll do in my job and how much time I will spend, you know, during the week, the immune to the concessions that I can make, what are the concessions I can't make, and all that. We've kind of just all just piled on to the end.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:45
Jerrad did a phenomenal job, not just designing the life and career that he actually wanted, but then taking the steps to make that happen.

Jerrad Shivers 20:53
I ended up with my dream job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:56
Congratulations to Jerrad on finding work that he loves and fits his family's needs, at the same time. If you want help figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how coaching can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on coaching to apply. Or pause this and text MYCOACH to 44222. Just text, MYCOACH to 44222. We'll send over the application quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail or however that goes.

Jessica Williams 21:32
Everything I did after that, like I decided that I needed a break for men from the autotrader, no offense to men out there, but like for my dad and my ex husband, to the autotrader experience, to I was working in the wineries in the valley and in Oregon trying to piece together some money. And I had a bad experience with a gentleman winemaker out there who was... who stiffed me for my salary. And I was just like, I'm done, I need to work with women, I need a break. And I got a job through someone I knew, actually a neighbor. She said, "Well, this clinic I work at, my mom works at, my sister works at sometimes, it's an OB GYN clinic, it's a women's clinic, they're hiring for receptionist" and I was like "Sign me up. I could just show up and do a job every day and heal the other parts of my life and not have to focus on work so much." And I get to work around women, and women's health and like this all seem to me so in alignment, even though I was only making $12 an hour. I was almost 30 years old and making $12 an hour. But in 2009, 2010, I was the best I could find. And honestly Scott, it was one of the best things I ever did for myself was to give myself that time. And yes, I didn't have a ton of money. And yes, there was some credit card debt, but because I still like to do things that I have enough money to do things, so like, I'd worked there for two and a half years. And one day, I think your listeners will appreciate this, one day, I was at the clinic, we had hundreds of patients coming through the clinic, and I would manage like the front desk and phones are ringing, doctors need stuff, nurses need stuff, that people are coming in, they need stuff. And I'm really good at managing all of this. And I love this. I feel high from this. I'm in my state of flow. And I started to learn about what flow meant and was like, this feels good. Why does this feel good? And I started to think it's because I'm using my greatest strengths, which is working with people and managing people's expectations and keeping the relationship intact and challenging times. And I was like, what am I doing, because at the time, I wanted to become a midwife. And I was, not only working at the clinic, but I was getting my pre-reqs to go to nursing school, which is like a long path if you've never pursued that path.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:51
Yes.

Jessica Williams 23:52
I was like, in the local community college, taking some classes and I had this like epiphany, like, what am I doing, I'm not meant to be a medical professional. I meant to do communications. I mean, that's what my bachelor's degree was in. I don't have to do sales. But I think I need to go back to communications. And that's when I decided to get my master's degree in communications, which terrific, I'm like talking a lot.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:17
This is super interesting, particularly because I knew part of your story, because we met up in Portland about a year ago. And what I didn't know is all the little pieces along the way and all the decisions that led to other decisions and epiphanies and everything else. And I think it's real. And I like that, I'm a total nerd, and I'm fascinated by this stuff and what causes people to make one set of decisions versus another. So I'm having a ton of fun. I'm curious for a couple of different things, this was like 2009, as you said, right? Someplace in there. So this is still like about eight years ago or so. And it sounds like, you're kind of going through and it's getting clearer and clearer and clearer to some degree, as far as not only the things that you don't want to be doing, but also the things that you are much more interested in. What ended up prompting you to decide to go back to school? Because that's a big commitment as well, like nursing is too. But you know, so is...

Jessica Williams 25:17
Getting a Master's degree. I mean, it's a huge investment. You know I was terrified, because I was making $12 an hour, and I didn't have any money in the bank. And I started to realize, like, there's this gap between where I'm at and being able to make that decision. And so I started asking a lot of questions like calling around, you know, asking the universities, okay, what's this going to entail? How am I going to get the money? Can I make this happen? I started to realize, like, they'll just give you a big chunk of cash to go back to school.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:45
It blows me away that...

Jessica Williams 25:46
It's amazing, right? And my employer was like, "Yeah, we'll support you. We'll let you work part time when you go back to school." And it was... I applied, at first I was like, I want to be get an MBA, because I didn't... like, I couldn't find anything that was like Master's in Communications. And I also was like, I want to run my own business someday. So I need to get an MBA to do that. And I'm terrible at math. So I took the jima and it was not pretty. I got accepted on probation. I think that's the way they call it at Portland State University into their full time MBA program, and probation for my math, as long as my math did okay, I could stay in the program. And right around that time, right around the time I got accepted, I heard a ad on, I think it was OPB, or your local PBS station. And it was an advertisement for a strategic communications program. And because my bachelor's was in communications, and that was where my real strengths were, I looked at this. And I was like, "This is perfect, because they get a little into the business, a little end of the finance, but they mostly focus on the thing that I'm most excited about, which is communications." And I applied, got in right away, like kind of in the last minute right before the program started. And it was perfect for me because like I said, it helped me build up my strengths. Instead of feeling like I was going to have to be working on my weaknesses the whole time, I get to focus on the things I was really good at. And I was so good in that program. I mean, it was easy for me, I don't know why. But it program came really easy for me. One of the cool things about it was, it was a professional master's degree. So they encouraged you to partner with local organizations, all of your projects or you could use them as case studies. And so because I knew I wanted someday to build a business or do work with an organization dedicated to women's empowerment, I picked a women's empowerment company every single time. So I could learn as much as possible about that industry or that like social good cause. And so every project I did, everything was around women's empowerment. I think my classmates were kind of getting over it. But I learned so much. And also right around that time, a big moment in my career was, I had to call a colleague at school, named Laurie and Laurie worked with Mac Pritchard in Portland, Oregon on Mac's list, which I know you know, Mac.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:09
Yeah. Mac's been on the podcast too, Episode 149, I believe.

Jessica Williams 28:13
Awesome. Yeah. So Laurie works with Mac, they're very small operation running Prichard, which was a social good PR firm and Mac's list, this kind of side project he had been focusing on for many years. And he decided he really wanted to invest and someone to help him grow the business. But I think he was a little timid so and he wanted to try people out. So he was looking for like a part time sales associate to help build up Mac's list. And Laurie recommended me because she'd seen me in action and in school. And apparently, they didn't interview anybody else. They hired me within a week. And I was so excited after two and a half years of looking and trying to find work and to be working for Mac's list, plus, I had been using Mac's list for my job search. So it just felt like a really cool opportunity. And wow, that was pivotal for me. It really propelled my career, you know, I got to surround myself with a lot of organizations doing good in Oregon. And I learned a lot because Mac's was at that time, in the very beginning early stages, I mean, that was in 2012. And, you know, they were making $5,000 a month from Mac's list, and that was barely enough to pay my salary. And so, I mean, he was really bootstrapping that business. And I kind of created because there was a lot of opportunity there. I kind of created my own position. So because I did great, I got promoted really fast. And I was given more and more opportunity. And I really just dove in.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:48
Very cool.

Jessica Williams 29:49
Yeah, I learned a lot about how to build community and we had to take a lot of my experiences around building my career and translate that in a way to help others and I love doing it. Like I love talking about career development, professional advancement, leadership. People were asking me to come and speak on the topic. We were running these events and writing blog posts, and we wrote an ebook. And I was speaking at conferences. I was over the moon having literally the time of my life with this job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22
So you've had this entire time, you've known that you wanted to do your own thing, though. So where does that come back in?

Jessica Williams 30:28
Yeah, well, it's funny, because I always told Mac, he was going to be my last employer. And we discovered Chris Guillebeau, kind of together, Chris Guillebeau, his art of Nonconformity and The World Domination Summit, which I know for those of you who aren't aware, like sounds hokey, but it's really, really cool. Their mission is to connect people around adventure service, and community. And Mac and I would go to these conferences together, and they would talk all about quitting your job and starting a business. That was literally like, the most common theme of the conference, and Mac would look at me and go, "Don't quit, don't quit." "As long as you keep me happy, I'll stick around." And so I think, honestly, that was a big part for me, I started to see these people on stage who I felt like weren't that different from me doing the thing that they loved. And I was like, the only difference between that person and me is they're doing it, like I literally have the skills. I've grown Mac's business by over 100% in three years, like, I can do this for my own business. And one day I honestly, I just kind of woke up, I was like, it's time and I didn't want to do it because Mac and I were friends. I didn't want to hurt him, or any of my colleagues, but I couldn't not quiet the whisper inside of me. And it grew to the point where I felt like I was harboring a secret from him and from the rest of the team. And I felt like I was being disingenuous, and I wasn't living in my integrity. And they had to know the truth. So I began parting ways from them in May of 2015. Kind of transition out slowly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:13
What did that look like? Because I know that you and Mac are still friends and everything along those lines. But I'm super curious, because I get this question all the time. How did you go about those conversations, especially when you're coming in... I've been there too. So I know what that feels like, where you start to feel somewhat disingenuous, because you have this other part of you that really needs to come out for lack of a better phrase, but how did you go about doing that? And what were those conversations like?

Jessica Williams 32:41
Yeah, they weren't easy, Scott, it was hard, because I really cared about... really cared about Mac. And I really cared about the team I was working with. And I really felt strongly about the work I was doing. So I just wanted to slip out the back door, you know, to avoid everybody. But it was hard. I mean, I'll be honest with you, you know, I think Mac was caught off guard. And I think in hindsight, everybody would have handled it a little differently. So the transition out was very rocky, there were some bad days in there for everybody involved, I think, because I think Mac wanted me to stick around for a long time. And I think Mac truly cared about me, and I think he felt hurt. And so the reaction wasn't from him, wasn't what I had hoped it would be. And that hurt me. And so we just had a lot of hurt feelings around. Also, it wasn't what I thought it would be. And I would tell anybody who is thinking about quitting their job to start their own business, if, you know, I went into the conversation, assuming that he was going to have a positive reaction, or at least be open to the conversation. And that wasn't what happened. And I presented this whole transition plan and this opportunity for collaboration and partnership, and I wanted to be of service and I didn't want to abandon anybody, and I wanted to do the right thing. And the reaction I was met with was not equal to that, from my perspective, and at least initially, and I was in shock and I grieved over it, it was pretty shitty times. But I would tell anybody, if you're thinking about quitting to start your own business, be very, very sure that the person you're talking to is going to support you and if not, come up with a transition plan that works for you in advance and do it in a very clear way that sets really clear boundaries, because I think I wasn't super clear. I was giving too much. I opened up too much for like, what do you want? Let's make, you know, and instead I should have probably been more like, okay, I want to start my own business, my last date is going to be blah, blah, blah, and here's my resignation notice and that's not what happened. So I would say be very clear. Be very sure you're going to get the reaction you hope for before you go into that conversation. I get a lot of people who ask me like, "I'm really close to my employer. Should I tell them, I'm looking for another job? And I'm like, "No. Not unless you're very, very sure that they're going to be cool with that."

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:11
Well, I think that there's ways that you can make sure in advance proactively, that I can help them and you'd be more sure too, yeah,I had that same experience too, I have done it four or five times, I guess, where, like I've given well over two months notice for something either, because I was like, I gave two years notice when I was leaving for my business, I guess. And there is a lot of potential danger there. And it took three years literally, of building the relationship in a very particular way, in order to have that measure of like you're talking about of being very, very, very sure.

Jessica Williams 35:50
Yeah, but even with like, I felt like I had done that. Like, sometimes our intuition tells us like, this is how it's gonna work out. And sometimes things don't work out, like we plan and we have to be prepared for that. And ultimately, I think that's okay, like, as long as you're following your heart, and you're following what feels true to you, then you're on the path, and whatever happens as a result is they support you on your path. And so, I look back and think, you know, things happened in divine and right timing for me, because ultimately, it was a gift to be like, sent out of the nest and like, go do your thing. None of this halfway and halfway out stuff and visit forced me to really get clear on my business. And right out of the gate, I mean, I started doing everything that I knew how to do to get paid, just so I could make money, make ends meet. But what really started to transform was when I got, I finally acknowledged my calling and I said, "You know what, I got to work with women, I got to work with women on professional development, leadership and the advancement of women collectively into positions of power." And the moment I owned that, was the moment everything changed for me, it was like, the universe was like clapping and applauding, and like, "you finally get it!"

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:02
Woohoo! Rainbows and butterflies.

Jessica Williams 37:03
It took you a while, but you finally get it. Like, you owned it, right. So for your listeners, if you've got a calling, just own the calling, like whatever you got to do to own it, because you're gonna own it, eventually, might as well do it sooner rather than later. So it's been a crazy journey. But the work that I do now, it is so personal to me, Scott, like I stood up on stage last week and told portions of the story that I just told you and I literally like cried on stage, when I pointed at my business and said, "This shit is personal like, this comes from a very deep place. I feel like perhaps I've been doing this kind of work in past lives. I have been doing this work energetically, spiritually for a very long time. Empowering and supporting women is my calling. And I will do this unapologetically for the rest of my lifee, if everything permits me to do that, because I can't imagine doing anything else. I literally can't."

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:59
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm curious about your opinion on this too. But it seems like when you go through all the types of things, and types of experiences and different types of loss, and other winds and one thing leading to another, when you go through all of that, it seems like it makes it so much sweeter once you're actually embedded in it.

Jessica Williams 38:24
It totally does. I mean, you know, it's not to say that, like, I hate to tell the story that like I earned it because I struggled because I like to think that we don't have to struggle to arrive at this place. But for me, the story of my getting here is like a pushing off point. It's like, you know, it gives me, you know, when you get into the pool, and you push off the side to go swim, and you get that big boost of energy, that's what that was. Like all of that is the brick on the side of the pool. And now I'm just like floating through the water and swimming, and it's just like, keep swimming. That's all I have to do now. I'm on the path. I help women negotiate their salaries, and I see them getting higher raises, as a result making thousands of dollars more. I help women build businesses that feel in alignment. I'm a certified life coach. So I help them overcome a lot of the limiting beliefs and stories and things that are standing in their way from achieving their real dreams. I'm also a certified yoga instructor. So I like compiling all of this to help them get into their bodies and tap into their intuition. Because I really feel like we all, women and men, we need to start tapping into something deeper, to create, to build to innovate and to solve some of the bigger problems that we have to solve in this world. And in order to do that, we're going to have to get super creative and we can't do that if we're like walking around. And that scarcity mindset of resources are scarce, opportunities are limited,abilities are, you know, it's competitive out there to get things, like, we have to assume abundance.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:06
Well, I think that, that's what when you and I sat down over coffee or little great little coffee shop, and I remember talking to you about how your thought process around this works. And that's one of the things that appealed to me about you, because you are looking at this so much more holistically, and you talk about things like calling, which I think is a pretty intimidating word to a lot of people, especially if you're like, I don't know what my flippin calling is, I don't know if I'm ever going to know what my calling is necessarily. And I think for anybody to have a chance at that, you have to be incredibly in tune with yourself, in all areas.

Jessica Williams 40:46
Yeah, one of my favorite quotes, Scott, is "leadership development is self development." And I go so far as to say that professional development is self development. So in order to figure out what your purpose is, what your calling is, what you're passionate about, you got to do the inner work. And in order to do the inner work, a lot of stuff is going to come up that you might not want to deal with, that might be hard, that might be scary, that might be overwhelming might be confusing. But if you don't look at that, I think you'll remain stuck in a life of... you lack satisfaction that I know that your people crave. So doing that inner work, whatever you got to do, hire a coach, recruit mentors, you know, take courses like you offer, listen to podcasts, read books, go on adventures and journeys. I took off for a month and went to Thailand by myself when I was 30 as like a vision quest for myself, like, I have to do this. I still do stuff like that all the time. Like, you have to take that time for yourself to reflect and to figure out, hey, where are you going to go? How are you going to do it?

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:56
I think that's a must. And I know some people are looking at that when... that's part of the reason why, you know, we went to Europe for six weeks, about a couple of, geez, I guess six months ago now. And then why we're going to the UK for a month next year. But to be able to get away and have those experiences and be able to reflect and everything like that. But even if you can't go to Thailand, even if you can't go to the UK, I still think that you can create little mini versions of that, too. I mean, I started recently going stand up paddleboarding every single morning. And the main reason for that is it's like getting away on the water. There's nobody else on the water at 5am. And it forces that reflection. And I think that that is super good advice from you in order to be able to get to that deeper level. And this is super cool, by the way, there's been an awesome conversation. And first of all, thank you, by the way, this is...

Jessica Williams 42:48
You're welcome.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:48
Yeah, and thanks for making the time, we've been trying to schedule back and forth for quite a while now. And I'm so glad that we got to finally have the conversation.

Jessica Williams 42:56
Me too. It's been so fun. And you know, to tell my story from the perspective of you know, how I navigated my career, you know, it's been just an honor. Thank you, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:08
Absolutely. So for anybody that wants to get more Jessica, where and how can they get in touch with you?

Jessica Williams 43:18
I like to say all things Superwoman, like literally own all the URLs for Superwoman stuff. So the superwomanproject.com. Also, you guys, I am over the moon, summit I'm doing in the fall. And you can learn more about that at superwomansummit.com. I've recruited over 35 speakers, we have three days geared towards the professional development and leadership development for women. It's going to be amazing. And early bird tickets are on sale right now for that, you can also, I have my own podcast where I interview women around the world about their career stories. And we often get into a theme and give you a lot of advice. The name of that podcast is Superwoman Chronicles so you can find that at superwomanchronicles.com and everything else superwomanproject.com I'm @jessicajoellen that's my middle name on Twitter, everything social @jessicajoellen. And feel free to email me at jessica@superwomanproject.com I love to hear from everybody. And if I can be of service, please reach out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:26
Awesome. Thank you again, thanks for taking the time and making the time. I really, really appreciate it, Jessica.

Jessica Williams 44:31
You're welcome, Scott. Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:42
Hey, I just want to cut in here and tell you that we've been getting so many questions from our listeners about how to actually use your strengths to get hired, how to career change with them, that we put together the ultimate guide to using your strengths to get hired. And I want you to be able to take advantage of it because in this guide, we actually go through and talk about how strengths operate differently than what you think they do, and why they can be one of the keys to doing work that you love and how you can actually do that. Plus, we talk about four specific ways to get started immediately, identify what we call your 'signature strengths' and then even how to represent those strengths in the interview process. And we go into how to answer some of the most common questions that you would get too. So if you want all that and a whole bunch more, there's a lot packed into this guide, we can send it over right away, all you have to do is text MYSTRENGTHS, that's strengths, plural, MYSTRENGTHS, no space, plural, to 44222, we'll ask you for what your email address and where you want us to send it, and then we'll pop it right over. That's it. That's all you have to do, MYSTRENGTHS, go ahead and text that to 44222. And by the way, I want to say thank you so much, because many of you have gone over to iTunes or Stitcher and left us a rating and review. This is the way that we get more people to find the show, and that means if we get more people to find the show, then that allows more of us to be able to make a change, which as it turns out, is the whole goal here. So I want to say thank you and read a review. This one comes from, joinupdots it's a five star review says, "happened your career should be a much or a must listen, not much listen" much listened to but how about a must listen, "I'm an avid podcast listener and been very pleased to stumble across HTYC, there was good banter, connection amongst the two main presenters and a standard of guests is very good indeed. I look forward to hearing more from Scott and the others. And we'll promote others to listen." Hey, thanks so much, really very much appreciate that. And thanks to everybody else who's gone over and taking the time so that we can get more people to work that they absolutely love. We have so much more coming in store for you next week on Happen To Your Career, take a listen to what we've got coming up.

47:03
So I went to school for civil engineering. During college I did a co-op program. So I would work for a semester, go back to school for a semester, back to work. And through that I realized that there's a lot of parts of engineering that I liked, but it didn't really touch on all of me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:20
All that plenty more right here next week on Happen To Your Career. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you taking the time and making the time and hanging out with us. We'll see you next week. Adios. I'm out.

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Life Crafting 101 – Deviating From the Norm: The magic of incremental changes

WHAT WOULD THAT OPEN UP FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE — IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD JUST CHANGE THE COORDINATES, AND THAT YOU HAD THE CAPABILITY, AND THE GRIT, AND THE HUSTLE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT?

Lisa Lewis

The art of life crafting.

Ever heard of it?

It’s about desining your life: defining what you want in your life, taking that vision, and prioritizing where you put your energy and effort to achieve those goals.

Simple enough, right?

You’d be surprised how many people don’t take advantage of the benefits that life crafting can bring into their lives.

Not only will it open doors to everything that is possible for you, but it will also provide a framework to get to the life you want.

Now, let’s take a moment and think about what it is that you would like to have in your life.

Think about it this way, in a perfect world, what does your life look like?

In terms of your career, where would you be working? What would you be doing? How does your work impact your personal life?

Life crafting allows you to design your career goals and manage how your career aligns with your overall life goals.

In order to get comfortable with the idea of life crafting, we’ll take a look at what may be holding you back from intentionally designing a life you’d be in love with and how to move forward in achieving your career goals to better fit that life you’ve designed.

WHAT STOPS MOST PEOPLE FROM CRAFTING A LIFE THEY LOVE

Successful people don’t reach their goals by sitting back and letting life play out on its own. They may roll with the punches, but they don’t let the punches roll them. Successful people succeed in spite of their circumstances.

Here are a few examples of the types of barriers that hold people back from going after a life they love.

FEAR OF BREAKING “THE RULES” WHEN DESIGNING YOUR LIFE

Rules. There is a time and place for them, but when it comes to reaching your dream career — shouldn’t you push beyond those boundaries?

Society has made us believe that the way to get a good job is through that traditional path of success by which we get a degree, score an internship, and work to the top of that corporate ladder.

But why does it have to be that way?

People have this fear that breaking the rules or stepping outside of what is normal won’t get them what is considered a successful career.

That fear stops them in their tracks and they continue down a path of unhappiness in an unfulfilling career. 

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

Many people can’t help but take into account what other people think. At times, other people’s feedback really weighs down on our ability to make a decision on whether or not we choose to pursue our goals.

On our last podcast, we met Rebecca Maddox who made the decision to leave her job and move across the country without a new position lined up because she knew she was ready for a career change. But, her decision was met with a handful of people that:

  1. Couldn’t believe she would leave such a great situation in a dream career
  2. Doubted that she would be able to pull off such a massive life change

Like it or not, it’s other people’s voices that begin to take over our thoughts and plant the seeds of doubt in our heads that create a lack of confidence within ourselves, which ultimately leads to us to staying in the same place in our career.

THE ‘WHAT IFS‘ THAT MESS WITH YOUR MINDSET

Yes, big life changes — especially those that concern your career and livelihood, bring a lot of unanswered questions to mind.

What if I really don’t have the skills I say I do?

What if I make a switch and the job ends up being exactly the same, or worse?

What if I don’t make a successful change into an entirely different industry?

All of the ‘what if’ scenarios that come into mind are just another distraction.

Life changes are scary because of the unknown results. That is understandable.

This fear of the unknown is common, but it shouldn’t be a big enough obstacle to completely stop you from designing your life and achieving your goals.

MOVING FORWARD IN DESIGNING YOUR CAREER TO ALIGN WITH YOUR VALUES

Reaching your career goals and having them align with what you value in life doesn’t happen by accident. You must be clear in your direction and intentional in your actions to achieve that career and life you dreamed.

You don’t need to dive straight into the deep-end in order to change your career trajectory.

You can begin to make small, incremental changes in the following areas to begin to move forward on your new career path.

PERSPECTIVE

Shifting your perspective on life from accepting the things that are given to you as is to an outlook that encourages you to take control of what is given to you and make things happen in the direction of your goals is the first step in creating momentum for your career change.

Don’t be the person that stands in your own way of achieving what you already know is possible for yourself.

Give yourself the permission you need to make adjustments where they are needed to better align your career to your values as you craft your life.

INTENTIONAL ACTION

Be so intentional and clear on what matters to you, your priorities, and how you are willing to make changes to align to your values to earn the life you dream.

Living a life with intention as you move in the direction of your values will make achieving your goals that much easier.

Start with something small like dedicating 30 minutes of your day to creating your career to-do list and constantly updating it with new asks. As time goes on, you can grow that into something bigger and bigger, until you’ve reached your goal.

CONSTANTLY EXPOSING YOURSELF TO NEW EXPERIENCES

Making the decision to do things differently than others to find ways to make your career fit your life needs is a new experience in itself.

Continuing to push on different boundaries that you’ve previously set for yourself will help you advance more quickly toward that life you have designed.

As you experience new things in the career sphere, you are able to evaluate and help customize exactly what you need to create a better fit for your life.

DESIGNING  YOUR LIFE: READY TO TAKE THE REIGNS BACK TO CREATE A CAREER AND LIFE YOU LOVE?

Whatever it is that you want in your career, be more intentional about your actions to get it.

HOW?
  • Go to your employer and ask — when you make an ask, make it about your employer and how it will benefit them
  • Start by asking for a trial period to test for the results.
  • Make sure you track your performance output and not mention it to any of your colleagues

If you follow these steps and prove to your employer that you’re capable, this little ask can turn into something more permanent.

If you want to get to a place where you feel like you are the master of your own destination or the captain of your own ship, you’ve got to be willing to start making asks, even if they’re small.

Lisa Lewis

When you take a step back and look at the big picture of what you define as a successful career and life, it looks like it may take FOREVER to get there.

But, when you shift the way you look at change, you’ll see that it doesn’t take one big move to achieve your successful end-result. That change actually consists of little tiny steps that you’ve taken in the direction of your goals and designing your life.

Each time you cross a task off your career change to-do list, you’ll have to make minor adjustments to better align with your values every step of the way.

You need to constantly make those incremental changes relative to where you need to be in your life.

If you’re ready to go in a direction that suits you, but are having trouble identifying where you need to make those incremental changes, we’ve got the resources for you. Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to help guide you through changing your coordinates of where you need to go as it applies to your career change.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser to help you craft your life and plug in new coordinate if need be.

Scott Barlow: I’m Scott Anthony Barlow and you are listening to Happen to Your Career. This is the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other’s stories. We get to bring on experts like Emilie Wapnick that helps people that don’t have just one true calling and people with amazing stories like Kirby Verceles who found her ideal job by learning her strengths. These are people just like you that have gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. As it turns out they are just like and have gone through what we are going to talk about today. We have something special today. We haven’t done this before or spent a lot of time talking about it. We are going to get deep into how to craft a life that fits you. We are calling this and a series of episodes over the next couple months life crafting 101. I have with me live, or as much as a recorded podcast can be, Lisa Lewis, our head career coach and career change bootcamp. Lisa welcome back.

Lisa Lewis: Thank you Scott and hey to the Happen to Your Career family. It’s so great to be back with you today.

Scott Barlow: I’m excited to have you here because I know this is near and dear to both of us for a variety of reasons. Where did you start thinking about taking agency and control and responsibility over not just what happens in your life but what the future can look like and how you want it to look like? I didn’t tell you we were going to talk about that, I’m totally springing it on you because I’m curious.

Lisa Lewis: I love it, it’s a big juicy question to dive in with. I think it's so befitting these big juicy questions of life. For me, the first moment I started to crack the nut open on life, crafting and defining my own desires and priorities for my time, started in incremental ways. Little baby steps that stack upon themselves over the past years. I have a funny anecdote to start. When I first started to think about designing your career and setting career goals to meet life goals: Back in college I was a student always looking for more experience, get the next internship, the next thing to be exposed to. I wanted to leave college with the most knowledge about the real world as I was walking out with academic knowledge.

Scott Barlow: I had a lot of the same experience. Keep going.

Lisa Lewis: I did this fabulous internship with a nonprofit in Colorado in between my sophomore and junior year. There was a group of interns that would have lunch together. I did this as an unpaid internship because I assumed that was all that was available. You do this to earn street cred to get paid one day. But then I learned another intern was getting paid. I thought whoa hold on. There was this sense of injustice, how could they? I’m a victim in this situation.

Scott Barlow: How dare you get paid for work.

Lisa Lewis: Exactly. Then I thought, I can’t change the fact that he is getting paid. He played the system well. How do I start to play that game? How do I look for opportunities to get paid? He wasn’t getting paid through our organization but through a sponsor organization that wrote him a grant to come do the work. I was all of a sudden looking at the whole intern game with a 1% shift in perspective. It made all the difference in what I thought was available to me. I had thought they said on the website it was unpaid so I had to take it that way. But now knowing it was possible to find ways to get paid for the work I wanted to do opened new possibilities for me, breaking the rules, doing things differently, finding a way to fit my needs, and also continuing to push boundaries that you would generally see people accept the rules and behavior or to see if there was room for negotiation or wiggle room to fit me better.

Scott Barlow: That is so interesting. I didn’t realize we had a lot of similarities. I had a similar experience. In college I had to go through an internship. I had to do it to graduate as part of the business program. I was forced, or I probably wouldn’t have looked at it. I was working at Staples and RadioShack at the time. I was pretty good at sales and making good money. But I have to go get an internship and make less money? It was my intolerance saying it was stupid that I started looking at how I could do it differently. I guess be careful what you wish for because I came home with a small business and all the earning potential and potential problems and learnings. That was my reaction as well. For me I had to solve the problem. I didn’t want to do it any other way.

After college for you, when you realized you could get paid other ways, what was your second big light bulb moment that opened up the possibilities that looked at it in the way to design it the way you wanted rather than accepting what comes to you?

Lisa Lewis: For another data point, if we are looking at a lot of moments in my life, you’ve heard me say this a bunch Scott, one thing I talk about all the time is Jim Rohn’s principle that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I think spending time with people who inspire, motivate and uplift you is so important. If I zoom back in time I got to spend time with an incredibly inspiring person when I was way too young to appreciate it. My mom started her own business when I was just a kid. She had a brick and mortar fabric and sewing store when I was maybe in first or second grade. She was an entrepreneur for decades of my life. It planted seeds in me of not having to accept the corporate world as the end all be all option for my own career. Zoom me forward twenty years and I am working in a corporate communications agency one of the most respected in the greater D.C. area. My best friend is working in a design capacity. She is doing this for the corporation but has also started her own business on the side to do design work for other clients that would not be a problem for non-compete because they would never afford the rates we were charging. They weren’t clients the company would want to pick up. Watching how she was able to prioritize her life to bring in a little bit more money and create flexibility and plant her own seeds for something that would eventually be her full time business, was so inspiring, motivating, and inspiring.

Another little funny piece of the story I thought man I don’t like the types of clients I work with on my projects. I’d love to work with clients more aligned with me and my passions and interests. I went to legalzoom and started my own LLC and thought I would do my own side communications consulting for those types of companies so I could align my work hours, brain power, and energy to what mattered most to me. I started a side consulting business or what I thought would be. It was a spectacular failure. A total waste of money, and time because I didn’t’ have the tools or resources, coaching, etc. to be able to know how to have conversations with prospective clients, market research, package and price my services, talk to people who were legitimate prospects. By all definitions it would look like a failure.

There were two things that made it a unique stepping stone for me. One I had the courage to do it. This person is running a side business, so can I. Just leaping and being brave. The other lesson was when I defacto failed I was not defeated. It didn’t crush me as a person. I think on some level I had a fear of not being successful and what that would say about me as a human being. I know what my risk tolerance is now and the amount of money I’m willing to sink into a project before I see a return. This was not the right way for me to enter into the entrepreneurship world. I had the courage and guts to potentially make it work under different circumstances and terms. When it comes to life crafting and choosing to intentionally do things differently from other people there can be a huge amount of fear that can hold you back whether you think of it as deviating from the norm or what will other people think or what if I’m not immediately successful. Three are a lot of big ifs that can pop up and keep you from taking action and mess with your mindset, keeping you from finding out answers to those questions.

Getting yourself to a position to where the fear of not giving yourself permission to find out the answer and explore it is greater than the fear of what might happen can be a huge turning point to taking back the reigns on your own life and career, instead of it happening to you with no control, into you saying I’m going to take control and if it fails then I’ll take responsibility for that, but if it succeeds I’ll take credit it for it too.

Scott Barlow: Your set of experiences is a perfect dovetail into what we want you to get out of today and what we are covering. We want to help lift the veil of what is possible for you. We have realized working with so many people that most of us aren’t achieving to our full potential, and most of us, myself included, we are what is standing in the way. It isn’t necessarily life or other circumstances, anyone successful by their own standards succeeds in spite of the circumstances. They get out of their own way.

I wanted Lisa to share her story because we want to expose you to different mindsets and provide exposure of what is holding you back. All the reasons we don’t go forward, and it being scary. If you listen to last week's episode of Rebecca Maddox she made a huge life change. Her friends and family. She had the sought after job in D.C. As an attorney. When she started talking about it she met with resistance but she saw what was possible for her and what success looked like in her own standards. What do you think are some of the things that people don’t realize when they are just getting into being interested in making big drastic changes and how it becomes possible?

Lisa Lewis: I think one big thing, while the changes look big on the outside, they are usually the product of lots of little baby steps in the direction of your values. They won’t happen by accident you have to be so intentional and clear on what matters to you and your priorities and how you are willing to make changes to your own life to align with your priorities and values to be able to earn your way into the life you want to craft and dream of. It can be something like asking something small from your current employer like say work from home after a doctor’s appt. something easy for them to say yes to. Continue to grow that to be bigger. There is a gal that works for a technology company called Sprinkler where she has got to a point with her boss that she can work abroad once a quarter. She was a full time employee but now part time because she started making smaller asks that would be helpful to her for workplace flexibility and aligning with her values. And showing how a happy and productive she would be helpful to the organization. She opened doors to get more of what she wanted while the company still got what they wanted. That never would have happened by accident. Her company would never come to here and say you know what....

Scott Barlow: You know what would be really cool if you could go ahead and fly across the world. That would be cool if you could do that and do work over there that would suit us. What do you say? Yeah right.

Lisa Lewis: If only it was that easy. If our bosses were mind readers that knew all we had contributed, saw the value of it, reward it and gave promotions without us asking for it and making a case for it. That is not the world we live in. If you want to be a master of your own destiny and captain of your own ship you have to make asks even if they are small. They are motivated by seeing people around you doing things differently. If you are listening to this now you can probably think of one person that is less smart than you, less talented, less capable, committed, or driven as you that is doing something in their life that you would love to do in your own world. Just seeing the examples of people that are less capable and qualified but making the asks and being intentional about how they design their lives can be such a motivation and inspiration of what can be possible for you.

Scott Barlow: I was thinking I might be that person for a bunch of people because many people we work with are far smarter than me. I don’t have a tolerance to spend very much time living a life that doesn’t align with what I am interested in and what I want to be doing. I think that a different mindset than what most people look at. They choose what they believe is available to them or what happens in their life that they are reacting to versus what is actually happening in my life. This isn’t the end goal because there isn’t one or a quote “you’ve made it” you’ve reached a destination. It is more like an airplane pilot not using autopilot. You are constantly making tweaks and adjustments as you head toward a destination versus straight line heading to one place or another.

Lisa Lewis: Being able to make incremental changes and adjustments is so important. Fun fact, my dad is an airplane pilot, or he is a private pilot now, but autopilot doesn’t put you on one perfect course and you never make a turn or adjustment but it is constantly checking your own position relative to where it needs you to be and making incremental slight changes to your course and direction.

Scott Barlow: I feel we are like the autopilot for crafting people's lives. We do that to a degree as a company. I think about coaching and career change bootcamp and we are constantly helping people make corrections, did you know you are going a little off course? Here is a boot to get you back on course.

Lisa Lewis: We help people program where the autopilot is set to land. Everyone has social norm autopilot. Everyone goes on vacation to Orlando or someplace. What if we changed your autopilot to vacation to Bali or Bora Bora or Fiji. What if you could change the coordinates and you had the grit and hustle to change your life like that?

Scott Barlow: It’s almost like the autopilot is set to go to Spokane, Washington. Nothing against there, I lived there. You are heading there and the coordinates are plugged in so you might as well go, but what if they just had a gas leak and it's not so desirable any more. That might be the equivalent of we just had kids and I want something different in my life. Or I looked around one day and realized I don’t want my boss's job and I’m not sure what I want. Do you want to keep going to Spokane or go to Bali? You are going there soon right?

Lisa Lewis: Not that long from now. We can talk about how to create a life that empowers you to go to Bali in one of our life crafting episodes. If you would be interested in hearing about that send us an email.

Scott Barlow: We are going to turn this into a series and our intention today is to talk about what some of the differences are. I’d encourage you to answer this question. Depending on what the answer is I’d suggest you take an action. Is your autopilot flying to where you want to go and when you land there will you be truly happy with it? If you hesitate or it is no then I think it is time to learn how to plug in different coordinates. That is what we want to teach you and achieve in the upcoming episodes. Every three to four weeks we will drop in a new episode to craft a life you love with your career and what can be possible. It is our intention to plug in those different coordinates and go a different direction that suits you. Maybe you want to go to Bali or maybe it’s Nevada. Whatever it is, is okay, it doesn’t matter what anyone else is interested in, just what you are. What do you think Lisa?

Lisa Lewis: I love it. If we take fantasy travel off the table. There are so many easy everyday things that can make huge differences in people’s lives. Maybe getting one work from home day every week or every two weeks or getting flexible hours to leave early and pick up your kids from daycare or it's getting an opportunity to work remotely for a week or month so you can go and travel and explore or do co-working. The possibilities for the ways you can make the life or your day to day reality closer to the life you have been imagining are endless if you give yourself permission to think about what could be possible. Equip yourself. The people can help make it happen and you can make it happen for yourself.

Scott Barlow: That is where we will leave you. I’ll share one quick story about how I started looking at this differently. For me, just like Lisa, I had a series of times that have influenced how I think about what I want and what is possible in my life. There are several points. One in particular, I worked at Target for a while doing HR. I was training an HR manager and we were in casual conversation because she was working with me for several weeks. She kept talking about her dad. She was really close with her dad. I just had a little girl at the time. I realized I wanted that. Her dad was around all of the time. She spoke very fondly of him. I wondered how he was around so much. He was there when she got home from school, helped with homework, and who she called when she needed advice. I wanted to be like her dad. That was mind flipping for me. I realized later he owned a series of apartment complexes that enabled him to live the lifestyle I wanted. I took that and almost dropped in a collection of things I wanted for my life. Nine years later this led down the path creating this type of business.

One of the first steps was negotiating flexibility and time off. Here is one thing you can put into action. If you want more flexibility, I first tried to figure out how it could be a great situation. Is there a universe where this could be a great situation for both me and my employer? As it turns out there was. By allowing me have work from home days each week I got a ton more done. I was more productive, plus I had extra time, that I didn’t have to commute or stay at work later. I got more done in less time. I went to them and made it about them and helping. How it could be a good situation. Asking my boss for a trial period. Not asking them to commit. I made it blatantly clear that I wasn’t going to talk about it to everyone because they were worried about people not performing as well wanting to do it too. I alleviated some of those concerns. Let’s try this for just one month. I asked for two days and we settled on one. I did that intentionally. We tried it and revisited it a month later. It was working. I kept things to track what performance output I was getting so they could see it was effective. It let me keep going. They could commit on a brief trial. Once we could see it was working we could turn it into permanent. If that is something that you potentially want you can use that.

Lisa thanks for coming back on the episode. If you want to learn more about Lisa you can go to episode 147 and hear her story. Thanks for being here and sharing some of the things I didn't know. Super cool.

Lisa Lewis: Of course, it’s always exciting to be here. If even one person listens and feels more empowered and excited and in control of possibilities we will have done a huge service. I can’t wait to hear what people think.

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How to Maximize Your Support System During Your Career Change with Rebecca Maddox

With every big life change, we encounter challenges.

Sometimes, we’re prepared for them — as High-Performers, we like to make sure we have the majority of our bases covered before we dive head-first into the deep-end of our career change. 

But, sometimes we find challenges where we least expect them.

When we look at career change, we know that taking on this big life change requires a great amount of time, energy, maybe a bit of financial planning, and a solid support system to lean on when the career change process becomes overwhelming.

One of the least-talked about topics of career change is your current and ongoing support system.

Everyone needs a support system as they approach any big life changes.

We have people that care about us and they want to be there to support us in times of need — whether it is to vent about our career change obstacles, seek advice on what to do, or to be the distraction we need from all the mental strength we’ve been exhausting to make our change happen.  

As much as our core supporters want to be there for us as we make this career change, many of them aren’t really sure how to approach the issue.

This is where the challenge comes in (where you’d least expect it!).

Unfortunately, the reason many people stay in the same place in their career is often because of the lack of support they get from their core group of friends and family.

But, knowing  to have an honest and open conversation with the people closest to you about your career change (if you want their support) is key.

Being able to navigate those relationships in order to remain authentic to yourself and your career goals is just as important as the work you put into your actual career change process.

Let’s dig deeper into your support system and learn ways to better manage those relationships as you go through your career change.

THE SIDE-EFFECTS OF YOUR CAREER CHANGE — IN TERMS OF YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

The reactions of the people closest to you as you explain your career change decision isn’t something a lot of High-Performers calculate beforehand.

The wild card is always going to be other people’s feelings when it comes to your big career change. Why?

People are risk-averse

Everyone deals with change differently.

The majority of people see career change (especially if you don’t have a job lined-up in the immediate future) as risky.

Your career change makes you vulnerable. Ultimately leaving your supporters feeling vulnerable as well, as they care what happens to you as you make this life change.

IT’S AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER ALL-AROUND
  • Nobody needs to tell you that changing careers is nerve-racking.

After the initial shock and surprise people may feel as you inform them of your career change decision, people will become nervous for you.

They may then project that nervousness onto you, which is the last thing you want them to do.

  • Some people will look through their lens of perspective and unintentionally react in a way that this career change would effect them personally.

It is almost a natural reaction to immediately think about how your decision would change their lives – oftentimes, this isn’t a positive reaction.

  • People may react with anger and frustration.

They’ll comment with:

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Is all this trouble really worth it?”

Again, this leads back to people taking your decision personally and thinking in terms of how your decision will change their lives.

THE BIGGEST DISCONNECT IS THE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING

Your loved ones want what’s best for you, but also may just be thrown off by this new change and can’t wrap their heads around it.

It may even be because when they think of you, they think of you in a certain way, and this change is completely out of the oridinary.

The emotional impact of others not understanding your career change can throw off your mindset and ultimately put the breaks on your career change.

Don’t let that stop you.

Knowing how your career change can effect your support system can help you be proactive in your communications with them.

WHAT YOU CAN TO DO TO BRIDGE THE KNOWLEDGE-GAP BETWEEN YOUR CAREER GOALS AND YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

If you need support to help you achieve your goals, move forward, or deal with anything challenging that comes your way, you need to:

1. KNOW WHO IS SUPPORTING YOU

2. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THOSE PEOPLE

3. CHECK-IN WITH THOSE PEOPLE


MAXIMIZING YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

Family and Friends

The family and friends that you keep the closest only want to see you succeed, so having the conversations about your new career intentions should be open and honest.

Be clear about what it is you need from them in support — advice, comfort during the hard times, respecting your plans to save more money, trust in your skills, etc.

If you’re struggling with some people that are having a hard time processing your career change, here is a sample script you can use to start that conversation:

Mentors

Whether it is your former professor, boss, or other professional in your network, a mentor is a great form of support during your career change process.

Maybe they’ve experienced this type of change before, or maybe they know someone that can share their story.

Your mentor is there to help guide you through your career and provide suggestions on next steps as they may know your skills, experience, and where you excel.

Approach them with the same straightforward conversation on how they can best support you.

Colleagues

Just like your mentor, your colleagues can help you expand your network.

They also know your work ethic and can understand what it will take to break through to something new.

Career Coaches

An outside perspective might be necessary to further your progress to your career change.

You may reach a point in your career change where you begin to feel stuck.

You can lose your focus, motivation, or let your mindset get the best of you.

A career coach is a great way to incorporate someone that is impartial to your work history.

A coach is someone that doesn’t carry any predispositions of you as a family member, friend, coworker, or employee.

Having a career coach by your side as you continue down your career change path will help support you with structured guidance on that dreded question of “What next?”

High Performers know that surrounding themselves with the people that encourage and support them and their goals is necessary to make things happen according to their values.

You don’t have to stop your career change when one of your core supporters reacts to change negatively. With a career coach and a community of like-minded career-changers, you can get the support you need.

Once you are able to step away from your current situation to regain perspective on what you need to do to continue with your career transition, you will be able to find the resources you need to reach your career goals.

If you’re struggling to find the way to your new career, Career Change Bootcamp can help steer you in the right direction, too.

Check it out.

DOWNLOAD THE TRANSCRIPT TO THE EPISODE NOW

Scott Barlow: Welcome back to the Happen to Your Career podcast. I am incredibly, ridiculously excited today because we have an extra special guest. It’s not our normal guest. Its someone who has allowed us to tag along for the ride as she has made a huge career change. I’m very excited but even more so I don’t know all the details and I want to learn, so welcome Rebecca. How are you?

Rebecca Maddox: Hi. Doing well Scott. How are you?

Scott Barlow: Oh my goodness. I am so good and excited. Before we hit record and started the conversation we were chatting about what you do now and what happened for the change which is super cool. Congratulations again.

Rebecca Maddox: Thank you very much.

Scott Barlow: How do you describe what you are going to get to do. You haven’t started yet. You are in Sacramento studying for the California bar right?

Rebecca Maddox: Yes. That is right.

Scott Barlow: What do you do with that soon?

Rebecca Maddox: After I take the bar in August I’m looking forward to joining a firm in Fresno, California where I will be doing litigation and using the tools I learned in law school and putting them to good use.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. Prior to moving to Sacramento you were in the D.C. area. But not always there right? Let’s jump way back and talk about where this started. What prompted you to go to law school?

Rebecca Maddox: Diving back deep into the cobwebs. I decided to go to law school my junior year of college. No one else in my family had gone before. Before, I thought I wanted to go to med school, but then I took calculus and chemistry my freshman year and there is nothing like that to make you reconsider your life priorities. I don’t know if this is right for me.

Scott Barlow: That cracks me up. Why do you say that for people who may have not been through that?

Rebecca Maddox: I came in as a math and science person but after taking chemistry and calculus, which are pressure cooker classes, that weed out the “weaklings.” The people who are waffling. They are trying to bring out the dedicated people. I remember getting a grade on a test that was about a 50 average with no curve. This is insane. The average is failing. I don’t know what I’m doing. I reconsidered everything.

I took environmental science courses and policies, women gender classes, feminist jurisprudence. That opened my eyes - what if the law is something I want to do? I told my parents and they said “really?” I took the LSAT. I did an internship with a community group where an attorney represented the group in front of the zoning commission. I thought this was incredible. I went to law school because I found it fascinating you could use advocacy and arguments to achieve something for someone. At the end of the day I wanted to help people. That moved me to law school.

I went to law school at the University of Maryland. After I went to school I realized I had never been involved in politics. I realized I had experience with environmental organization in undergrad but I had never looked at politics but it felt like another factor. I’m in Maryland and D.C. isn’t far away. I have no kids or house what if it’s something worth trying.

Scott Barlow: I love that you asked if it was something worth trying.

Rebecca Maddox: I decided to start talking to a few people. Where do you start and go? What does this mean? I ended up connecting with an office in D.C. and worked there because it was 2013 and the recession was hard for lawyers. Because all of that people say I’m scrappy. You go see what is out there and see what you can get. That is how it lead from law to politics. Then I did that for a couple years.

Scott Barlow: Before you did that you talked to a few different people before connecting to that organization. Who did you seek out to ask about politics?

Rebecca Maddox: That is a great question. Coming from my family, extended and immediate, is filled with teachers and doctors. No one knew much about connecting with politics. I remember a friend at school was more involved in politics. There was an intern coordinator for political internships and my friend told me to talk to her. I found most of my internships and experiences through teachers saying you should be connecting. They acted as mentors. Getting into politics is a tough game. Everyone is coming in trying to prove themselves. It is a lot of networking. Meeting people for coffee and finding connections with their states and offices. It helps strip the green. It strips the greenness off.

Scott Barlow: Off of you quickly. No longer green. That is interesting. I think a lot of people don’t realize how much relationship building and networking is involved in politics. That is ultimately the way things get done or not in that world. As I know more people involved in politics I naively didn't realize that. Which is the same in every other area of life but it didn’t click for me.

Rebecca Maddox: It is an amazingly small world. There is a catch 22 if you want to work for congress. First, you need experience in politics, but then you say I need a job to get experience. That is where the politics comes in. Here is a connection and you realize the political world is relatively small. Everyone knows other people. There are even publications tracking who moves where and when. Everyone is very aware of what is happening.

Scott Barlow: I know that, because you and I had a conversation seven or eight months ago, the first time we met. You were less excited about being in D.C. and involved in the political arena. Is that fair?

Rebecca Maddox: Yes. During my time there it was exciting and interesting dealing with big issues and changes. You work with motivated and intelligent people. Some very diplomatic and great people but at the same time working at 50,000 feet hovering above ground, you start wondering about your impact and connecting with people and is it the best use of my skills. I remember people saying you have the dream. It raises a red flag when they say that and you see the truth but something feels off for what I’m looking for.

I think in that moment I started looking for a career coach because when you are in a position you have worked hard to get and put in a lot of time and you think this feels right I’m getting experience, a good reputation, it’s hard to talk to other people and know who to talk to about wondering if there is something else. Even saying to your family hey I’m not sure this is my forever fit or best fit for my goals. Everyone has their own bias. If your family supported you to get here they want to see you happy but don’t understand your thinking about leaving.

Scott Barlow: It’s the dream.

Rebecca Maddox: Granted there were great opportunities but thinking for me, my skills, and what's next, what are my options? Having an outside perspective and someone who can call you out and be accountable that is what I was looking for.

Scott Barlow: I’m curious, diving back for a half second. It sounds like you were having fun with some of it and there we are different levels of excitement at the time. What really started you down the path realizing it had changed or you wanted something different?

Rebecca Maddox: I started feeling disconnected. We would start working on an issue and something else would become more important. There were loose ends jumping around. What am I accomplishing here? I started feeling the disconnect. There is this fairness impact and the depth of the issue. When you are working on a higher level on issues you are trying to not dive too deep into the weeds but you also have to create something. I become a very versatile generalist. Looking at issues across the spectrum but diving into, running an inch deep a mile wide. Some people thrive on that and enjoy staying in the substance but more on the political forces. I found it all exciting but I’d love to dive deep and be more of an expert. Sink my teeth into it.

I started reconsidering my impact and ultimately how did I want my ideal office to look and how do I get my rewards out of work. Is it policy or one on one relationships with clients.? I think it’s the clients. I started piece by piece picking things off. When you are in the environment, when it isn’t working you know it’s something but don’t know what. It can be hard to hear your voice. On top of this my heart for my job was wandering and my heart was somewhere else. My significant other was out on the campaign trail and I thought how are we going to get in the same place. There was that coming into play. I’m trying to hold it all together but something is going to give eventually. What makes the most sense?

Scott Barlow: That is interesting on a variety of levels. You started realizing being an overall generalist and not getting to go deep was missing. You had needs and wants and life changes. How are we going to stop doing this long distance relationship? You were pulling in different areas. Its super cool you recognized the need for change. A lot of people will keep going. I see them all the time. Rather than act on the need or want the keep going. Kudos to you.

Rebecca Maddox: Thanks. When you're in the zone or doing this, especially if you have a lot of time and energy invested. It’s not all black and white, or a voice from God. The lucky people see a burning bush, but for me it’s the little itch and you say maybe, maybe, am I crazy? Everything else is going on let’s keep going. Maybe it's just me. I did that for awhile. I thought I need to make sure. I’m not handling this correctly. I need to go running and get my energy up. I need to follow up on mistakes, be accountable. You try to fix the other things.

There was a moment, for other listeners, a moment you realize something is off like you snap at someone and you didn’t realize you didn’t mean to and it goes beyond where you should it’s not where I should be something is wrong, listen to that. For me, it was a long time before I made my move out of D.C. My moment was when I went to the dentist office. They x-rayed my molars and the nerves looked like scrambled eggs. I’m not out of my 20s. I was clenching my teeth so hard at night from stress and was messing up my nerve endings. If I kept going like that I would need root canals for all four teeth by the time I was 30. It made me sit down and say something is wrong. Something is really wrong. I tried to keep swimming and going, keep focus, everyone has issues. But eventually something starts to give and something is off. I think the hard part for me was negotiating with my family and friends. Not just in the workplace because I’m trying to be a professional. Tyring to dedicate myself. But with family and friends telling them your idea and appreciating their support, that I think it’s worth a shot.

Scott Barlow: How did you handle those conversations? That is a real thing for nearly everyone even if you have a really supportive family. That is still a big gap. They want to know why. How did you approach those conversations?

Rebecca Maddox: The hard part when thinking of making a change is either - I’ve had several reactions, people are usually nervous and want to be helpful, loved ones in particular, but they don't know how to approach the issue. I’ve had ranges. Some people say go do what you love. That is broad.

Scott Barlow: Just do it.

Rebecca Maddox: Or I once had someone ask me what is the one thing you need in life. I had to look back and say I don ‘t know food clothing shelter. Where are we going with this?

Scott Barlow: Water obviously.

Rebecca Maddox: Yeah. In approaching that I had to realize that while I was feeling vulnerable in my search and thinking broadly others were also feeling off kilter because they want good things for you but think of you in a certain way. Having honest and open conversation is important. Some people truly didn't understand and were angry; which I’ve run into a few.

Scott Barlow: Really. We’ve seen a lot of that happen. It seems like there are a variety of reasons. It is something that most people don’t expect when going through this. It’s good you bring it up.

Rebecca Maddox: it's something that came up for me because it threw me off kilter in my job search. The emotional impact of others not understanding or being frustrated. There is validity there. I think my moment of wisdom was when someone very close to me said I think you are making a mistake why are you moving cross country. They may be mad at certain things if you are making yourself or others vulnerable financially. That’s something to put on the backburner. But I had enough in savings. I had saved up for this. The other thing is the logical support wanting support where I was. I had to say you are my friend or loved one, I love you dearly and your support means so much to me. I need to give this a try. If it doesn't work out I will be okay. I just need you to trust in me in my skills that it will be okay. If something else comes up we will troubleshoot from there. Here is my plan and where I’m going. I’d appreciate your support. That is how I went about it. Whether it is the best move or not it worked for me.

Scott Barlow: What you verbalized is a great script that we’ve found has generally worked. When you explain why you need to make the change and ask for support and even explaining that it will be okay for these reasons it helps people move from point A to Z. Many times it seems like that when you are making a big life change the people are looking at it through their lens of understanding and whether it would be good for them. Not intentionally. They have your best interests in mind but they are looking at it through what would be good for them accidently. That’s how our minds work. Of course those big changes wouldn’t be good for you Rebecca because it’s not good for me. Have you found that?

Rebecca Maddox: Yes and I’ve found it's not as much as I want it to be a clear cut straightforward moment. You imagine me in this way because of this one thing for you. There is never just one thing it’s an emotional process they have to go through. It’s difficult to explain to a bunch of people and exhausting talking about it with each person. At a certain point you have to know who your main support is. Talk to those people first and know to a certain degree it will percolate through. Over time it gets better. People ease off. Especially if it works out.

For me after I left, people have noticed little things. I’m laughing more. My hair is blonder because I’m outside more. Little things. People say maybe it’s not so bad. The idea of dropping things and moving to a different opportunity is risky and many people are risk averse and nervous. They wouldn’t do it. There are many hurdles of how people make their own decisions. Maybe they just wanted you there, they bragged about your career, they thought it was what you wanted, they don’t know you anymore. That is the untold story with the career change. How your support system works.

I would recommend, a piece of advice given to me, know who is supporting you. Surround yourself with them and check in. You need their support to accomplish your dream or move forward or do challenging things like losing five pounds or moving cross country. Check in with those people to know you are supported.

Scott Barlow: That is amazing advice and it's hot of the press because you have just been through all of this. Even I forget, I’m surrounded by it all the time, and have found these same things myself. Making multiple career changes myself I didn’t anticipate the emotional toll with the conversations and taking and explaining the actions and trying to get support. You never imagined it goes along with it. So many people stay in the same place because of this.

Rebecca Maddox: It is hard and risky. What is on the other end of the yellow brick road?

Scott Barlow: What if the wizard is mean?

Rebecca Maddox: You never know and take the leap of faith. Will the road lead to the canyon will the bridge fall beneath you? Will people be there to support you? You don’t know but hope so. For me I made the decision for where I was, when my job ended I didn’t have anything else lined up and that made other people nervous too. I was making this cross country move which is hard enough, but getting the time and space too is a luxury, not everyone gets that.

Scott Barlow: In order to be able to do it in a healthy way there are prerequisites. I’ve done the same thing with the same reactions. Really, you just aren’t working?

Rebecca Maddox: At that point of time having that cushion, financially, was my first line of defense to say we are fine. We will work it out. I’m working diligently on it. Everything is paid and good. During that time, because people are nervous and project it on you, in addition to your own insecurities about whether you can do it or not. The negative voices come. What was helpful for me during the coaching experience and along the way is learning it is important to give yourself some grace. I would recommend Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. Listening to her was helpful. This idea that you have a creative muscle and you need room to breath. During the process I felt pressure to find the job. I found pressure to find something justified as the bigger better thing. There is the idea of where is the job, the one. Are you moving up in the world?

Scott Barlow: Well you just told all these people you are making a big change. Own up.

Rebecca Maddox: Now you have to. People are depending on you. How is the job search going? O my gosh, stop!

I believe in cross pollinating ideas. When Elizabeth Gilbert was talking about artists who put so much pressure on themselves to create their whole career off their art that it kills their creative muscle. I felt the same way about finding a job. This is about finding what is my best fit for my skills, the next best step in my career to be successful. The average person might put in 100% and get 100% back, I might put in 100% and get 150% - 200% back because I’m doing what I’m supposed to. That is what I’m looking for. The advice to ease off, thinking if I have to have a bridge job for a moment, I can do that. It’s most important I find the next best step for me. Coming into a new place, there is a lot of networking, meeting with people understanding how they look at your resume and how to break through. That takes time. I’d recommend Elizabeth Gilbert.

Scott Barlow: I’ve had several people recommend that book. I’m curious as you went through this process and as you called it finding the next best step for you, how did you end up working with Lisa and what are the one or two biggest things you took away from those interactions?

About your next best thing.

Rebecca Maddox: Working with Lisa, she’s great and I loved working with her.

Scott Barlow: We are talking about Lisa Lewis and you can hear her story on episode 147.

Rebecca Maddox: She was great. I decided to start working with her because as I was diving into the bootcamp on Happen To Your Career I was trying to think broadly. Should I be a lawyer? I took the What Color is Your Parachute approach. I started to dig deep and laying a foundation. I started working with Lisa when I saw I was pulling some things out, strengths and interests, but it was murky and I didn’t know how to move forward. Not knowing where you want to go, some people see the burning bush and others don’t. I did not. How do I move forward and develop? I was hoping to get that burning bush moment but didn’t. That was when I felt stuck.

I called Happen to Your Career and decided to reach out to a coach that is impartial with no vested interested like my family. Not like people in my network that may see me in a particular way. Some people are so outside of the job search game that they have general advice but not what you need. It was helpful working with her because she helped me think about structuring how to talk to people about what I’m looking for and moving forward. There were moments when I would avoid an issue in my search and she would call me out and ask what I thought I was protecting by avoiding it. You aren’t avoiding it because you are lazy, my phrasing. What are you trying to protect yourself from that you feel vulnerable about? It was a great point and I had a breakthrough journaling about it.

She helped through the interview process, not just pragmatically like the baseline things, but the question of my inherent bias trying to find a job in D.C. As a lawyer in 2013 when there were tons of lawyers. You felt disposable. At that point having to scrape by for a job, I had an inherent tendency to try to form myself into the person I thought they were looking for in the interviews rather than presenting here is where I am and what I’m looking for. I’d love to work with you in the future if this works. I had a bias to get the job and do whatever it takes. In reality just getting the job can lead to a mismatch and miscommunication and assumptions. The employer doesn’t do what you want. There is desperation. It came through even though I had money to cover my bills. That was my inclination. Working with Lisa was helpful to strip down the extraneous and being more authentic. Without precluding the opportunity but being honest about where I’m coming from. It changed the interview process for me.

Scott Barlow: That is a massive mindset switch.

Rebecca Maddox: Huge. It felt bizarre at first. I felt naked in the room. I think Lisa called it radical authenticity and it feels really bizarre. There was one interview that I thought once I say this stuff this thing is done. I’m interested in the job but I don’t know how long given what the position is because I would outgrow it quickly. They had the same concern. But this would be my foot in the door because there are few opportunities. Talking to Lisa about it, I practiced, then went into the interview. I had practiced a line. And once I gave it, I would be interested in growing from this to other opportunities in the office, can you tell me what you are looking for. It centers your position of power. When I walked out of the office I knew I wouldn’t get a call back but I felt okay with it, which I wouldn’t have before. Before if I hadn’t tried to meet what they were looking for to get the job I would have let myself down for not keeping my options open. But I was being honest. They deserve to find someone who is the best fit and I deserve a job that works for me. I felt more comfortable. I was a shift in narrative that paid off.

Scott Barlow: It is so interesting but sadly not intuitive for people. You said it felt awkward to be radically authentic and vulnerable. It’s not the norm and scary. I’d say 100% of the time it creates a better result. It is super scary in some cases. I don’t think I believed that until one interview that I went into. I thought I was interviewing for one position and they started talking to me about another. I said I’m sorry but I’m here because I’m interested in this. He said we don’t hire people for HR manager unless they have experience or been in a role for many years. I said I’m sorry but that is what I’m interested in. He said why are you here then. We had a conversation from that.

It was scary and I remember thinking should I just get my foot in the door. They ended up offering me the position I wanted at a $20,000 increase more than I would have gotten. I’ve seen that hundreds of times. That same thing you are describing. It’s hard. Here is my question. Looking back at all of this at this point, you got the opportunity to work with Lisa, not everyone gets to. What advice would you give people as they are thinking about making a change? Maybe they are back in a place feeling that itch. They snap at somebody and realize that work is impacting their life in ways they didn’t anticipate. What advice for those at the beginning?

Rebecca Maddox: If you are at the beginning you owe it to yourself to give it some time. Try something. Look at your options. Go talk to somebody, talk to friends. Do you know someone who does this, I think it's interesting. Meet for a coffee, a five or fifteen minute conversation, saying hi I think what you do is amazing I’m trying to figure out what it means to do your job. It's worth it. It is no pressure. That is how most people find jobs.

If you are in that moment thinking you are so entrenched where you are and moving to a different opportunity is a joke, maybe you are right. There is a good chance you are wrong unless you are in an extremely niche field because skills are transferable. If it’s something hitting you hard and impacting those around you. When it goes beyond just you, it is worth trying the boot camp. Do a strengths finder analysis. Get a different perspective. Take a breather. If there are people in your life that say you get your job and stick to it. That is what you do. That is not the world we live in. It's a game of chutes and ladders rather than plant your roots and see how far they go. If people are telling you you have the dream but something doesn’t feel right, that is fine. Trust that. If people are angry they will come around. Especially if you know it’s going to make you and everyone happy, do the right thing.

Scott Barlow: That is amazing advice hot off the press. I have found zero things worth doing in life, that are big changes, are going to be incredibly easy. Very few are going to fit that. Very close to zero. Anytime you make big changes someone will disagree.

Rebecca Maddox: Definitely.

Scott Barlow: Thank you so very much for making the time and taking the time. This has been super fun for me because we got to talk way back when you were thinking of making the change and now getting to talk. Lisa has kept me up-to-date in the middle but I didn’t get the juicy details. This is super fun to find out this after the fact. Congratulations again.

Rebecca Maddox: Thank you very much.

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Overcoming Your Fears and Taking Action to Find Career Success with Cesar Ponce de Leon

“WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED TO DO?”
“WAS THIS JUST A WASTE OF TIME?”
“HOW DO I MAKE A CAREER CHANGE WITHOUT HAVING THAT BACKGROUND EXPERIENCE?”

There are so many questions that plague people that have decided to take the bull by the horns and make a career change for themselves.

The ups and downs that they encounter before they make the official jump to a new job position, organization, industry, or business venture are sometimes glossed over once they find success.

But, people that find that success as they transition to a new stage in their career know all too well the hard work, the endless days and nights they were kept awake at night, and the energy it took to put in the work to get where they are today.

One of those people is Cesar Ponce de Leon.

We had the pleasure of working with him as he took on the challenge to move from his previous job in legal affairs to a role at an organization that spoke more to his heart and true life calling.

Cesar ran into a few stumbling blocks along the way, but with the right tools and resources he was able to find success in his career transition.

His story of hard work and non-stop effort is one to take note of, so we’ve put together an outline of his biggest challenges and the process that he followed to guide him through to reach his career goals.

Check it out!

CAREER CHANGE CHALLENGES

The biggest challenges that Cesar faced when he realized that he wanted to leave his job were:

1. Jumping from the legal sector as a paralegal to work at a non-profit organization in a role that helps people change their lives  — a completely different focus in an entirely different industry, but nonetheless his ultimate career goal

2. Figuring out where to start his job search to find that new role

Even with those  specific challenges in mind, Cesar was ready to get moving on his career change and did what most people getting back into the career search game do:

HE SEARCHED FOR JOB DESCRIPTIONS THAT SOUNDED CLOSE ENOUGH TO WHAT HE WAS AIMING FOR ON INDEED,
AND HE APPLIED, APPLIED, AND APPLIED.

BUT, just like the majority of everyone else getting back into the career search game, he didn’t hear back from a single place he applied to.

Nada. ZeroZilch.

ANOTHER OBSTACLE —

JUST WHEN HE GAINED A LITTLE TRACTION BY TAKING THE INITIATIVE TO JUMP RIGHT INTO HIS NEW CAREER SEARCH…

Cesar soon came to the realization that maybe  he underestimated the whole new career transition process.

He was faced with the fact that his career journey wasn’t going to be as easy as he had thought.

Not only did he have no background experience in non-profit work, but nobody was returning his inquiries for the positions he had applied for.

Cesar began to hit some of those internal road blocks and mental barriers that naturally come along with the career change journey — don’t worry, that is normal.

Cesar was beginning to feel feelings of fear, detachment, anxiety, and stress about the fact that he had no experience in the field he was hoping to move into. He found himself stuck and unsure of what to do next.

REGAIN FOCUS AND PERSPECTIVE

He took a step back from being paralyzed by these new challenges and decided to become more proactive about his career search and went right back to the drawing board.

And, just like all High Performers, he refused to settle and realized that he couldn’t make this change on his own and began research on career coaching programs and stumbled on an episode of the Happen to Your Career podcast.

He decided to reach out to HTYC to help him reevaluate his career transition.

IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR STRUGGLES. YOU HAVE TO REACH OUT. DON’T KEEP THEM IN. IF YOU KEEP THEM IN MOST LIKELY YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ACTION. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE PROACTIVE AND THAT’S JUST GOING TO DELAY YOUR PROCESS.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

Cesar enrolled in Career Change Bootcamp and found that the program offered him the framework that he wasn’t able to develop on his own. He found the program helped him:

  • Overcome his fears by providing strategies to get over those “hiccups that he was going through
  • Follow a step-by-step process that gave him the confidence to reach his end career goals
  • Target the specific jobs and organizations that fit his ideal career
  • Create a script to reach out to the right people at the right organizations
  • Supported him along the way whenever he lost motivation

HTYC gave Cesar a structured outline to follow that ultimately gave him the results he was hoping for.

Below, is a case study of the step-by-step process Cesar followed in order to make this career transition a success.

OVERCOMING FEAR

The biggest obstacle that Cesar had to get over before he could really move forward with his career change were the barriers that he created in his own head.

Cesar had him ask himself:

Will you do whatever it takes to get out of there?

Working with HTYC made him realize his own fears, get to the root of the cause, and accept those feelings as he worked through those fears and forced himself to take action.

Cesar began looking at his career change in a new light. He discovered that:

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO ACCEPT WHATEVER CHALLENGES COME.

Once you accept those challenges you have to be willing to fight for them.

With a different outlook on his career transition, Cesar went to work and learned to “do things with fear” to get the results he wanted.

I HAD TO COME TO THE REALIZATION OF SAYING, ‘OKAY, OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING, I NEED TO START TAKING ACTION.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

IDENTIFY STRENGTHS 

Knowing your strengths helps you focus the lens of the skills and talents that you can offer an organization to benefit their end goal.

Cesar put in the work with the exercises offered in the CCB program and used recommended resources like the StrengthsFinder test to assess exactly what he could offer organizations as he continued his career search.

EVALUATE VALUES

Figuring out what you want, need, and value in your career (and life) will help you continue to hone in on not only what new position will fit the your new list of “must haves,” but finding those values will also get you more familiar with the type of organization you should be looking for to match your wants, needs, and values.

Cesar put a lot of thought into his values and what type of ideal job position would fit his (and his family’s) lives.

What he did to start was make a list. He wrote down his past job experiences and began thinking about what he liked about them and what he didn’t like.  He went on to further evaluate (based on the information that he got from looking into his past) and created a list of what he did want and all of the absolutes that his new role and organization would have to include and why.

CREATE IDEAL CAREER PROFILE

With Cesar’s new lists of strengths and values in hand, he was able to move on the the next step — creating his Ideal Career Profile (ICP).

This is where he took his list of values and prioritized which of his values were most important.

With this newly filtered information, Cesar was able to match his values with job priorities to narrow down the roles he was most interested in pursuing.

He also identified the non-profit organizations that were more aligned with his values.

Cesar was now armed with a targeted list of organizations and a solid understanding of the role he would like to have at any of the non-profits he identified. He also had a new sense of hope with the creation of his ICP.

By being able to identify and hand-pick the organizations he wanted to work with, Cesar understood exactly what he was looking for and wasn’t going to stop working until he got it.

REACH OUT TO ORGANIZATIONS

Cesar’s final step was taking that list of organizations that he identified and reach out to them.

His goal was to establish a relationship with the right people in these organizations and let them know who he was and what he could offer them.

Cesar used the HTYC script resources and tailored them to fit his needs to bypass a lot of gatekeepers within his top organizations.

I HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING PROACTIVE AND PRACTICAL TO GET TO THE DECISION MAKER.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

He implemented the “Relationships Before Resumes” method of developing and fostering a relationship with one of executives of his top organization.

What is the Relationship Before Resumes method?

It’s the process in which you:

  • Establish yourself with the important people at an organization
  • Personalize the relationship you develop by digging deeper than asking for a job
  • Give love, to get love

Most of the time, the way you stand out in a sea of job applicants is by being human.

Cesar quickly discovered that the one thing that people want to see more than your skills is your character.

When you show genuine interest in someone’s life outside of work, they are more inclined to remember you for that and keep you in mind for things that come up in the future.

That is exactly how Cesar was able to differentiate himself from the rest of the job hunters.

IF I LET MY EMOTION DRIVE ME THROUGH THIS PROCESS, THEN I’M NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

Today, Cesar is four months into his job at the #1 non-profit organization that he had his eye on.

That’s not to say that’s just because he got lucky.

He put in the work.

He developed a relationship with key people at the organization that best fit his values. He volunteered at the organization to showcase his skills. He was given project after project, and finally once a position opened up. He was the first person they called.

He followed the process and not once did he try and rush through to land any job he was able to get.

In fact, during the process, Cesar received another job offer, but had to refuse as he was already working along his process and developing a bond with the executive at the organization that he now works for.

He didn’t even blink an eye when he turned down that other job offer. With his work in determining his strengths, realizing his values, and creating his Ideal Career Profile, Cesar fully understood himself well enough that he knew EXACTLY what he was working towards and why he was doing it.

His ICP helped him identify and guide him to the career that was ideal for him right now.

Cesar’s story demonstrates how overcoming your fears, hard work, tenacity, and resilience pays off.

It wasn’t an easy journey to switch career from one industry to another, but it is possible.

If you are willing to overcome your fears and accept your next career goal challenges, with a little help and guidance you can happen to your career, too.

You can find more information on our Career Change Bootcamp here. If you’re interested in more CCB success stories, check out Sarah Hawkins and Tanya Malcom Revell.

DOWNLOAD THE TRANSCRIPT TO THE EPISODE NOW

Introduction 00:00
This the Happen To Your Career podcast, Episode 186.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 00:07
I guess that the changing factor for me was that, first and foremost, I didn't really have an understanding of values until that moment, which I look at some of the basics. And then HTYC reinforced it the process. You know what I'm saying?

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:28
This is Happen To Your Career, we help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing, or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 00:50
I knew I was looking for something. I could tell you exactly what I didn't want but I had a really hard time defining what I wanted.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:57
This is Tanya, she came to HTYC looking for clarity she needed to move forward.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 01:03
So that I had this great structure that I could talk to because it was the base of who I was, with the additional piece of what I was looking for now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:12
Listen for Tanya's story later on in the episode to learn how she used career change bootcamp to help her finally figure out what fits her.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 01:21
It is the single best thing that I have done.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:28
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career. This is the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories we get to bring on experts like MJ Fitzpatrick, who helps people make decisions and give themselves permission to do just crazy amazing things. Or people like Eric Murphy who was in a job that didn't fit his values and made a drastic change to one that, not only did, but paid him more at the exact same time for doing what he loved in where he loved and something that lined up with who he actually is. These are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. And they're people just like our next guest, Cesar Ponce de Leon.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 02:14
I used to work in the legal industry. And now I work in that nonprofit industry. I work for a large nonprofit company that helps people change in their lives. So that is what I do now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:25
And this is going to be a super fun episode, because Cesar was struggling in a not very fun place for quite a while. And he knew that he wanted to make a change. And he was Uber-frustrated. So he actually invited us to come along for the ride, because he knew that he needed help. So you're gonna get to hear his story today. But he did a few things that were particularly amazing, and also that you can do too. And I wanted to be able to share his journey with you. And he was so gracious to be able to come on and share it with you at the exact same time. Because I think that there's a lot that we can all learn from other people that have just gone through the process of where many, many of you that are listening, many HTYCers out there want to be. Alright, here he is, right here.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 03:13
I mean, there were ups and downs. And obviously, before changing the organization, I was in the legal industry for eight years, I was a paralegal, wanted to go to law school, and then realize that's not what I wanted to do. And then the question came up, what is it that I need to do? And obviously, in that process, you know, sometimes you just think, "Oh, I'm gonna just rock the world." But when you realize that is not easy, and that you need help, that's when you start looking for help. And that's exactly what I've done. That's how I landed into HTYC.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:40
Yeah, absolutely. And we'll definitely talk about that, too. I'm super curious, though. You mentioned law school, and I knew that about your past. But what caused you to realize that law school was not going to be good for you?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 03:53
For me, it was more than likely intentions, because, first and foremost, to understand, you know, what got me there, I guess we need to go through the beginnings of...

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:01
Let's go through the beginnings. Let's do it.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 04:03
So I landed at this job because I needed cash.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:08
Verifiable reason. Yeah.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 04:10
I started as a legal assistant firm, and then after that, I moved up to paralegal. And after being a paralegal, I went to office management. Okay, and obviously, as I told you a few seconds ago, the reason why I took the job is because I needed the money to really pay my bills. And that's how I landed in the legal industry. And for the first month, obviously, it was a struggle because you're learning everything, you know, from just doing intakes, right, to just doing a whole variety of things. And that is exactly what I've done. And obviously, it was hard. In my mindset, I thought I needed to persist, because quitting was not an option for me. And once I have learned all of the duties required by my position, I saw something pretty interesting that my boss was making lots of money. He was successful, and powerful. You know, just the fact that you tell somebody, "Hey I'm a lawyer." People automatically respect to you, you know, it's like you earn people's respect. And I've seen that and I kind of crave that at that moment, particularly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:09
Yeah, isn't that funny, though, we have so many associations with different types of titles, or opportunities or positions or anything like that. And lawyers, to your point, definitely one of them. And what's kind of cool, though, is that you realize that part of it was something that you craved in that moment. So why do you think that was for you?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 05:27
I don't know. I mean, I guess it was the fact that I wanted to, at that point in my life, okay, as I was growing up, yeah, I always wanted people to, you know, respect me. And to know that if I went somewhere, or did something that the lawyer title was going to come out, and people are automatically going to be like, "okay, now we have to bill."

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:45
Lawyer has entered the room.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 05:47
Absolutely. So that was kind of like the equation part of it, you know, at the moment, and then obviously, as people also picture, I think it happens to a lot of law school students. And by the way, I don't want to over generalize here, but I believe that with some Law School students, they see you know, the Hollywood side of law, you know, that you're going to go in, and you're going to have this huge case. But when they come to the reality of what the legal job, that the position may look like, they're like, "whoa," you know, I didn't know that's what it was, you know? And at least for my position, I was attracted to the power, the security that comes out of the position, which were attracted to the at the moment. But what led to the change, I guess, just to say, you know, is it really for me, I believe that I think it was my third year in law firm, once I actually got a hold of everything. And I moved back into my role. I guess at that point, I was transitioning from college, to the university. And something interesting happened in my life. And that was, I found my faith in God, which that kind of changed my perspective on seeing things, you know, and even my motives, to pursue law, I decided to get a degree in religious studies so that as I were going to law school, you know, I will get a liberal arts degree, to be able to go into law school and what happened, but in that process of studying religion, and just to understand my faith, my values and all of that, I realized "No, is law something really worth pursuing for? Like, if my motives were power before, and chasing high financials, can I do it only with law?" I guess what my major kind of helped me realize it at the moment is that, a law may not be for me, it helped me changing my view on values.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:27
Interesting in what way? I'm super curious about that. Because values are something we spent a lot of time discussing here on the show, but also with our students and clients. And I know you know that, but what caused for you some of the change and how you were looking at values?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 07:41
I guess the changing factor for me was that, first and foremost, I didn't really have an understanding of values until that moment, which I look at some of the basics, and then HTYC reinforced it the process. You know what I'm saying?

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:54
Absolutely.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 07:55
I thought that devalues were always the same. I thought that there were a standard that I had a follow at the moment. And for instance, everybody craves for power. Everybody craves with this. And because everybody craves for those things, I should look for them, you know. But when I really came to the realization of studying theology, and doing my religious studies, I started asking, "Who am I?" That's the question, you know, who am I? What is it that really valued reality? Because, am I just looking or chasing for something that is completely false, or completely something that may align to other people's values, but not with mine, you know, or with my core being. And so that was something that I kind of realized. And then obviously, in that process of realizing things, and just understanding the 'Who am I' part of me, I continue to do it. And I was going through a lot of difficult times too, working at law firm, which one of them was, I was always fighting with industries to get great results for the client. And a lot of the fights were the first three years you kind of get the energy, but after a long time, you energy, just take it as it used to. And then secondly, I guess, part of my big issue is that you work so hard to get good results, right? As you're in the front lines. But your clients were unhappy with the results that you get.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:11
Yeah, I remember talking to you about that, too. And for you, if I recall correctly, in the way that you had identified, you needed to be able to help people, you had to have some of that positive reinforcement in a variety of different ways, or that positive type of feedback for it to be truly fulfilling for you. So it kind of like mashed oil and water a little bit.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 09:32
Yeah, what happens is, you know, like, even we know with the thing of going to law school, I envision disease or pretty much speaking to people, you know, arguing for the case, and just going for it, you know what I'm saying? Later on I realize that helping people is something that I want to do, right, but I want to actually help people change positively for the better. You know what I'm saying as opposed to a legal issue going through, you know, the legal process to be able to solve that issue, I want to be able to help people in order way, which I think is what I'm good at, which is to influence people, encourage them, helping them grow. And I realized that as a result of the why question that I had with myself at that moment, because obviously, if I work to chase money and power, and those things that, they are not bad in and of itself, I mean, we all need security, we'll need some self of knowledge, we have to not be naive about things. But if you paid and you tied those things, and you are not even sure that they fit with what you really value, then you're chasing the wrong things. And that's what happens to a lot of people in America.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:38
What you were saying about values is super interesting to me, partially, because I'm embedded in this stuff every single day. And we spend a lot of time teaching this stuff. However, it's interesting to see it in action. And it's most interesting, where you kind of made this progression, almost, where initially, you're looking at, hey, here's what everybody else is doing. And obviously, everybody wants these things. So we think that everybody wants these things. So we should be doing it too, right? So you kind of went from that point. And that part of the reason why you were initially interested in law school, and by the way, some people like never get to that level of honesty with themselves their entire life. So first of all, kudos to you. And then second of all, after you made that mental transition, and started looking at, hey, here's some of the ways that I want to help people, here's what's really incredibly important to me. And here's what lines up with my values. I'm curious what you began doing after that point. How did that change your daily life after you had some of those realizations?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 11:43
Well, for me, again, just weighing the pros and cons of deciding what was really making me happy at the moment, oh, and I realized that at law firm, I was not as happy. I was fighting all the time, it was a lot of toxicity, you know, just getting good clients that were ungrateful for the hard work that you've done for them. And I was doing a lot of case auditing and case management, which was okay to me at some point. But it was not how I wanted to help people. The legal part of it, it's amazing, because you help people through it, you know what I'm saying? But I guess when I came to the realization that, why did I really wanted to, when I was honest with myself, and realize that maybe it wasn't too much of the power, maybe it wasn't too much of the money, but it wasn't the influence. And then I came to realize, okay, how do I want to influence now? Is it at the courtroom, fighting for cases and defending clients and what have you, or with something that I'm great at, and that's where HTYC came, so helpful to me, because it kind of helped me define what my strengths, what I'm good at. And not just that, you know, because obviously, HTYC, you know, kind of gives you the platform for it. But I also went out and seek out for confirmations for other people's, which it came to the point that those were my strengths. And now I don't know what the true North Point looks like. I don't know what it is, I kind of know what it looks like.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:03
Yeah, and for a little bit of reference too, for everyone that's listening, first of all, that's awesome. And second of all, what you mentioned, there is one of the things that we'll often have people do through the career change bootcamp program, where you're actually going out and seeking out some of those validations. And we have people do that in some really specific ways. But, and it sounds like you were hearing back and getting those types of validations about your strengths and what you were great at from other people. Is that right?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 13:33
Yeah, yeah, that's what it was, you know, obviously, people were saying, "hey, you're this, you're that, you know, these are your strengths, you're very good with this." And then I was like, whoa. It's crazy because obviously, without them, telling them what the process was with HTYC, I was like, I got those plan. And it was amazing to just hear those confirmations from others. But this is at the level of HTYC after I made the decision to get to HTYC. But before that, I kind of knew that my thing was influencing, okay. And then you know, weighing the pros and cons of continuing in the law firm. I said, "You know what, I'm going to move on" because obviously, I came to the realization that love may not be exactly for me. And after that, obviously, I did some research on personality tests. I think I took them all.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:21
I remember you emailing me and saying that, like, "I think I've taken all of these."

Cesar Ponce de Leon 14:25
Some people may not your audience, I went through like Myers Briggs test, and I don't even know how many to the disc profile and whatever you want to name it. Okay, so once I got this results, I'm like, "Okay, great. So I get the results. Now I start applying to every job that I can. And I started applying and applying in the conventional way, right that people do it all the time, right? Go on indeed.com. I'm gonna go to all these websites, and I'm just going to start applying to all of his jobs. And what that did for me, it actually was more frustrating because I wasn't getting any responses. I think I only made it to one interview and then that interview, which I was not prepared for, that they never called me back, I understandably enough, you know, I wasn't prepared for it. So they didn't call me back. So I spent most of my evenings applying to different jobs and got no results. And that kind of made me anxious. And a little bit upset, to say the least, because I was like, you know, I'm applying to all of these jobs. And I'm doing all of these things, and I'm not getting any responses whatsoever. And that's what actually made me feel stuck. It made me you know, kind of lose my confidence on but I was actually starting to believe of myself. So I was like, you know, I'm a great influencer and this or that, but started losing my confidence. I was like, you know, what, maybe I'm not good enough. I started feeling stuck. And what a lot of people go through is that when you read those job descriptions, if you want to be this or work for this position, right, you have to have five or 10 years of experience in doing this, this and that. And I'm like, I think I just graduated from college like two years ago.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:02
It's fairly demoralizing, or like, even if you've got 17 or 19 years experience, or I don't know, 10 years experience, or whatever it might be, like, it always seems like no matter what role you're looking at, it's like, "Ah, that's ridiculous. Why do I need 15 years of experience for that? Why would you ask for that? Like, I can totally do that." And then yeah, it's depressing. So that's where you were then, it sounds like before you came to us, and you've gotten all of this information about yourself, you've gone through every assessment under the sun. And then you've gone on the demoralizing sending off application train. Was that the point where you began to look for help? Or what happened after that?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 16:43
To answer the question, yes. But first and foremost, that's when I came to my... to the realization that I was like, "You know what, I can't do this alone. I can't do this alone. Because obviously, one of my biggest fears at that moment was that I've been working in the legal industry for such a long period of time, eight years of my life, I invested in this to not do it anymore. You know what, I wasted eight years. How am I going to transition to a new career when I have no experience in that career? How am I going to switch into a new job opportunity or even industry when there is really nothing to give? And I think that a lot of HTYCers right now, in that moment, but let me tell you, let me give you an encouragement that that's just a mental thing. Okay, once you pass that mental barrier, which that's what we discuss in the bootcamp, right. Once you pass the mental barrier, okay, you're able to do those things. Now, I'm not gonna say that you're just automatically one day in the morning, going to wake up with no fear, because one of the things that I did was doing things with fear, okay, but I did them with fear. And that is what got me results.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:43
That is such a great point. And I think for some reason, we all have this impression, I'm either going to be able to do these things, and I'm going to be 100% confident and I'm going to be able to do them with no fear or I'm not that type of person, so I just can't do them almost. Some reason we don't allow the latitude for the in between which is reality, which is exactly what you just said, like, you are scared, it is scary. And you also have to do the things, whatever the things are.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 18:10
Absolutely. Because obviously, you know, people have this assumption that okay, you know, if I stopped people right now, I'm not going to have the symptoms, okay, it's like a scar, when you have an scar, your scar ain't go and be gone tomorrow, okay, your scar is going to be there until it fully heals. But regardless, you know, you have the scar or not, we have to continue moving, we have to continue using your arm and moving forward. And that is something that I kind of learn at that moment, or going through the process that even if I'm scared of calling companies, calling you to hiring managers or whatever how to get it done. But before we get to that, the question was, you know, how you got to HTYC because at that mental barrier, huge mental barrier that we're talking about, did not give me peace, it gave me a lot of anxiety, stress. At one point I was so stressed that I was almost... I felt like I was detached, you know from society. I remember my birthday last year, to my birthday dinner, had to step away and go to the restroom. Because I was so afraid and paralyzed at the moment that somehow I started feeling detached. And when I started seeing those things in myself afterwards, I was like, you know what, I need help. This is obviously what's causing me all of these problems, staying stuck, paralyzed, you know, it's affecting my health. And I need to take a proactive step. Now, obviously, with that, I went ahead and researched you know, for a few coaching programs. And then one day I was in my car in that Friday, and I said, I think I search for how to change careers or wherever. And that's how I landed to your podcast. And it was so amazing. It was such a blessing because I feel like you were very real. Okay. And you had very good knowledge of the situation. You knew what you were talking about. And not only that, you know, I felt that I could relate with you and the team. And that was amazing because after that, I was like, I need to subscribe to this podcast, listening, listening, listening. And then at one point, I was like, you know what I think I need to communicate. First and foremost, one of the things that I always tell people is that if you're going through something you have to share, you know, your struggles, you have to out, don't keep them in, because if you keep them in, most likely, you're not going to take action, you're not going to be proactive. And that's just going to delay your process. And I think I needed to tell my problem to somebody who has experience in it. And that's what I did. That's how I reached out to you, I think I sent you a pretty long email, which God bless you, if you read the whole thing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:39
I read the whole thing twice.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 20:41
That is something that I want to tell people is that one of the things that immediately got me more interested in going with you is that not only you took the time, because anybody could say, "Hey, thank you for your email, give me a call, or I'll give you a call. You know, when you have a few minutes." You actually responded, you actually broke down that email into small segments and recorded a video explaining the situations and that video was specifically designed for my situation, which that blew my mind. Because quite frankly, I've never seen anybody doing that before. And that actually got me motivated. Because I'm like, first and foremost, this guy, Scott, is taking his time to really hear my problem to understand what my problem is. And he's actually offering solutions on how he can help me transitioning from where I really like to be in the future. And that's why I decided to go and sign up with HTYC to help me making that transition.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:37
Well, I sure appreciate that feedback. And that means a lot to me, it's something that we are very committed to doing in a variety of different ways, we are very committed to making this really challenging process, I'm going to call it a process. Sometimes it's more like a bit of a hell than a process. But we want it to be personal because it is personal. And I'm super, super excited that you found a way too. Actually we're going to hire more people, because we get so many of those types of emails now that I'm finding it difficult to respond to those on my own. And many of our other team members are have been helping out. So it's a cool problem to have as the company in the podcast and everything has grown over the last number of years. So I'm so glad you found it that way. But I was super curious, though, because you went through this. I mean, just like you said, a year ago, you had your birthday dinner, and you felt completely detached at that point. And now you've been in this role for months. So in between, what do you feel like was one of the most difficult parts for you in making this transition and actually doing the work? Let's start there.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 22:47
Well, sure, I'll share some with you. One of them was overcoming fear, because obviously, even going through the process, I think that I guess with HTYC, you get certain weeks, you know, where you do different tasks, which by the way, are amazing tasks. But even when it's time to do the work of calling, hiring managers and getting a hold of people is, you still have the fear, you're like, oh, you still have it. And that kind of like pushes you to do other things. And to me, that was a challenge, overcoming my fears. But as I mentioned to you a few seconds ago, at one point, I had to come to the realization if I let my emotion drive me through this process, then I'm not gonna get anywhere. I had to come to the realization of saying, "okay, objectively speaking, I need to start taking actions and follow Scott's advice and recommendation and a need to be in communication with him to let him know what's going on." Because you did something great, okay. You overcome fear with good and the good that you have done is provided strategies to help me overcome those hiccups and issues that I was going through.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 23:59
I knew I was looking for something. I could tell you exactly what I didn't want but I had a really hard time to finding what I wanted.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:06
Tanya struggled with what she wanted in her career and her life.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:09
It really came down to my need to find a career in which I, a: could be proud of, b: could develop myself and grow more with.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:21
Career change bootcamp helped her realize what she really wanted. And she went to work on figuring it out.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:26
Because you're going to get so much more out of it, based upon what you put into it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:31
Tanya now had a plan to take action.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:34
It has brought me from a place of not knowing, a place of not being competent and being able to bring myself to others and to explain who and what I am.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:46
Having a great plan wasn't the only thing she gained from career change bootcamp though.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:50
Being able to present myself to my peers and having that confidence to be able to do that in a manner that resonated.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:58
Congratulations to Tanya on finding work that she loves with her dream company Wanderlust. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how career change bootcamp can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp. Or text MYCOACH to 44222, pause right now and we'll send over the application. Just text, MYCOACH to 44222.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 25:28
I can honestly say that I would not be where I'm at today without the HTYC crew.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 25:36
First and foremost, you understand that once you come to the realization of what fear does, okay, you get too stuck and paralyzed. And when I realized that was a problem, I decided to take action. Action in following you know, one of the strategies that you recommended, at least to me was, okay, you need to actually go to the hiring manager, or even the executive of the companies to be able to understand more of the position or to get your foot in the door and things like that. They don't even respond to my resume on indeed, how are they going to take my call. But the reality is completely different. But it was the fear that was blocking me. But once I said, you know what, I have to actually do something proactive to be able to get to the decision maker. And that is exactly what I've done. You provided amazing scripts, which people will know that because, you provide everything, brother, so that's why I am so thankful. And then obviously I tell her that script according to my needs,, and you know what, it went really got me the opportunity to bypass a lot of gatekeepers and get to the hiring managers or the decision makers. And that's how I landed at my job. I had to go to the decision maker of the company, who was, you know, the Chief Operations Officer, and let him know, "hey, by the way, I'm interested in your organization, I'm interested in the company. And obviously, I don't know too much about the industry. But I want to know, and I want to get to learn more of it" and keep it and say, "Hey, great! Thank you for letting me know." And then he asked me questions. "What is it that you like about the company? How did you get to even this decision?" He asked me very deep questions, which, by God's grace, I was able to respond to those, and then, Scott, you know what he did, he started following up with me and started giving me small projects to large projects. And that ended in a job, but I guess overcoming the fear of saying, "okay, I'm gonna go ahead and call the higher ups and just try to get myself through it, and talk to the people that make the decision."

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:33
So many people get stuck in those fears. And I definitely hear what you're saying about once you got to action, like that was the thing that helps with the fear, ultimately. But I'm curious, what was an example of one thing that worked for you to be able to take you from that place, you know, they're not even returning my calls, when I'm going through the regular process all the way to making the calls from them, and moving through that fear so that you could get to that action at least one or two times. Because after you started seeing that, hey, this is working. But there's... it seems like sometimes there's a big gap in between there. And I know it's different for everybody. What was one thing that worked for you to force yourself to take action, if you will?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 28:15
Well, first and foremost, I guess it was a process. You know, I wouldn't say that it was one thing particularly, but I know that when we were going through the bootcamp, we talked about relationships before resumes, right? But in order to send your resumes, I think that there is a step. I don't know if it's before or after that, but that was select an ideal companies that you'd like to work for. Okay. And establishing a relationship with those companies. And to me was, okay, how am I going to do that by send them an application, and they're just gonna throw it away? How can I stand out in a way that would be different, you know, unconventional, if you will?

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:56
Yeah, absolutely.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 28:57
What I've done particularly in that situation is based on your advice, right, was to get their email address, get their phone number, bypass the gatekeeper. To me in that situation, particularly, I actually attended a non profit organization. And I volunteered before but not as a high level volunteer. I never know who the execs work for the company. So I had to actually find out, we don't ask the questions to people, who is the one of the execs here and that's how I got to the Chief of Operations, who makes the decisions for their organizations. And so I had established myself, I had to introduce myself to this person, I had to start building a relationship, you know, asking him questions, personal, and that's something that I want to tell is that we have a corporate mindset that we have to ask, what do you do because it's all about personal love that's what it is. You have to be able to give love in order to get some love. And I think that's one of the things that I mentioned before in one of the comments for the HTYC bootcamp, in order for you to receive love, you got to give love. Okay? And love is authentic. You don't just go to somebody and say, "Hey, I love you. Can you please help me out with this?" I established that friendship, because this is actually one of the organizations that I love the most. And that's the one that I needed to prioritize, I then went ahead and told the person, "I've been attending and coming to this organization and done some volunteer, but I really love it. I love what you guys do to help people. I love the fact that you, I genuinely care for people, and that is something that I am very interested. And I don't know how that's going to happen. But I am here available for whatever you guys need." I didn't really say I'm looking for a position, but I said, I'm available for whatever you guys need. And I know that for some people, that's a hard thing to do. Because if they actually go up the ladder, and you reach to a certain level, sometimes you have to come to the realization that you may have to step down the ladder to be able to potentially get back up in the right field. Okay, but not a lot of people are willing to accept that. And that's what the question does sometimes, sometimes you may need to bring you down here to potentially get you up here in the field that feeds you particularly. So what I've done in this situation, I told the person, look, whatever you guys need me, I'm here, and I'm available. And guess what this person did, keep it in just this base me and say, "Okay, get away from here." He said, "Really, I thank you so much." And then we kept in touch. And then I told you that I was going to the Middle East for vacation. And I was intentionally thinking of him. And I went, and based on our conversations, I got him a small souvenir that was very meaningful. And then obviously, when I came back, I said, "Hey, I went to the Middle East, and I got these gift for you, I hope that you appreciate it, that you value it." And that gift obviously came as a result of listening of the things that this person told me. And he said, "Oh, thank you so much." And then he actually started following up with me and give me a small project. And here's the key, okay, he told me, "even though you told me that you're interested in even knowing that even volunteering the company, I still don't know you as much. And I want to get to know you. So we're gonna work on some projects together."

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:23
Very cool.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 32:23
A lot of companies, not only they look at your strength, but they also look at your character. Because character means a lot. I think that a lot of people see that 20% on top of the iceberg, but they don't see the 80% that goes underneath. And the 80% that goes underneath has to do with a lot of hard work. And that hard work is called character. If you have the character to be successful, you're going to be successful. And I guess that's what they were trying to see, you know, because you remember Scott, I volunteered for like three or four months. And then at one point, I was like, I'm just gonna just dump it of the truck, because I was already getting drained. But it was that volunteering persistence of being available for anything that landed to an opportunity. Now when people say, what did you do? You know, with those five months, I did everything, Scott. One day actually had me direct traffic outside. Okay. I was like, how can I help and they were like, "okay, just get a jacket." Okay, and no directing traffic outside with my orange sticks.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:23
I love it.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 33:23
At that moment, I was like, you have to be kidding me. Like, it's cold. I'm here directing traffic, I thought I was meant for more. But it was at that moment that I had a realization that maybe one of my issues was pride. And that in order to be able to succeed, I needed to be more humble in the tasks that were given to me. And that was a big turning point. Because after that, I said, okay, I'm just gonna... even if they haven't washed dishes, I'm going to go ahead and do that. The optimism that I'm doing something great, you know, and even if this opportunity doesn't work out, at least I pop or something that was meaningful, and beyond yourself. And I had to come to the realization of being optimistic about it, and know that a better opportunity was gonna come in spite of whatever the outcome was gonna be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:16
You know, what's super cool about that is, one, your point about finding for something that is meaningful to you, I think that I've seen so many people succeed, and so many people never even get close to opportunities, because they were or weren't willing to fight for something that was meaningful to them. And I think that looks completely different to different people. Now, I think that part was absolutely super cool. And I think the other parts, I just want to clarify, because I think there's danger here that some people can look at your situation and say, "Hey, do I just need to go and volunteer? Or do I just need to get out orange sticks and go drive traffic for some organization or something?" And people I think would be missing the point which is, that you were not just willing to fight for something that was meaningful for you. But also, you were willing to invest the time and energy into building a relationship with people that you wanted to be around.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 35:11
Yes, that's the heart behind. The heart behind this story is to let the audience know that if you want something, you have to be able to be willing to accept whatever challenges come. And secondly, obviously, to fight, because if you're stuck, and you're paralyzed, and you're going through the process, believe me, there were times that I wanted to quit, there were times that I did not really follow through the schedule, there were times that I was like, you know what, I want to clean my room, because that looks more appealing to me than doing what I'm supposed to be doing. But at the end of the day, do you really want to get out of there? And will you do whatever it takes to get out of there? And that's the heart behind, you know, just you have to be willing to do and like you say, right now you don't have to deal with traffic, you know, you don't have to do any of those things. But you have to be willing to accept some challenges, especially if you're trying to get into a huge company, or change of organization, or whatever it is, okay, or even start your own business, you have to come to the realization, there will be challenges, and you have to be up for them.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:12
Yeah, absolutely. That is so cool. I am delighted as the right word, I don't use delighted often, but I'm so delighted that we got to, one, have this conversation, and, two, you got to share your story with the HTYC audience. At the beginning, you were talking about how just a little over a year ago, you found the podcast and you were flipping through it on your phone and everything like that, and then ended up subscribing. And now a year later, just a year later, you're on the podcast, and you've been in your role for four months. And that is such an amazing story. And I appreciate you taking the time and opportunity to actually share it with us.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 36:45
Yeah, I'm so excited right now. I mean, because I've never thought that would be in your podcast. Like being able to share my story, you know, and obviously, right now I'm into catalyst. I'm not going to say that I got to the perfect place, you know.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:57
I don't think anybody gets to the perfect place necessarily. It's a continual revision.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 37:01
Absolutely. But what one thing that HTYC did help me is to affirming those values, you know, affirming the strengths, affirm on what is it that, you know, I'm looking for NBA season, because obviously things change. As you heard my testimony before I was in law school of power and things like that, you know, you had think that your values change over time, okay, and depending on your convictions as well, and what HTYC gave me is hope, to say, "I will be okay, that it is possible to change from one organization to another" one of the things that I was actually doing in going through the process, and I think I don't know if I told you this, we were in the process of buying a home with my family as well. And there were some conflicts, you know, in the whole transaction, and whatever. But I also got an offer as a marketing consultant for a large communications job, which when I got the job offer, the manager told me, "we know that you have zero experience. But one thing that we really loved about you was the fact we were able to relate with you, and that you are teachable. Okay, because there were other people coming with mass marketing degrees, and some even master's degree applying to the position, but we really like your personality." So to me, that was like mind blowing, because I was like, wow, but because of what I was going through that process, I had to turn it down. And I was volunteering with this other organization, which to me, that was my priority. But it is possible, okay, to change of industries, even if you don't have the degree, even if you don't have the major. A lot of companies are looking, for instance, the company that I'm working for was looking for character. Now this other company was looking for one of the characteristics of character as well, which is teachability. Are you going to be able to learn? Are you going to take on tasks and be willing to be okay, with, you know, the responsibilities? You know, are you willing to be molded into what they want to mold you to afford that position, particularly? So that's another one.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:53
That's amazing. That's absolutely amazing. And yeah, you did share that with me. And I totally actually forgot about it up until this moment. So that is behind the scenes, actually, I don't know if I've ever told you this. But one of the ways that we measure success, behind the scenes, for our students and our clients is, can we get people to the point where they have the capability to get job offers, and they also understand themselves well enough to be able to turn them down. And that is something that has happened so many times, when people go through this process, it boggles my mind. But at the same time, that is super cool. And that makes me happy, because that's one of the ways that we evaluate success for ourselves. So awesome job, and congratulations again.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 39:39
Thank you so much. Thank you for helping me. You and your team were very, very huge part of it. And I always tell people, when you go through situations, don't do it alone. Always seek for counsel of somebody who has experience and in this situation, you have experienced if you're, you know, just listening to the radio show, you're thinking oh, you know, I can apply, I can do this, you know, myself, you know, I'm just going to look for a couple of inspiration things from Scott. Call him, okay? Because you don't know, he actually works in strategies of helping you succeed through this moment. And he will hear you, and he'll go through the process with you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:14
I very much appreciate that. And I'm so glad that you trusted us to be able to take along for the ride and help throughout that process. And, hey, thank you so much, again, for taking the time to share your story. This is just super, super cool. This is gonna make my entire rest of the day.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 40:30
Well, he's making my day, by the way. I love helping you, thank you so much for helping me. And obviously one of the things that I like to say that I love to, you know, keep in contact with you. And obviously, now you know what I'm going to do every time you know, there's a time to transition to the next space, I know who to contact, and I'm going to keep you on speed dial.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:01
Hey, we put together a case study of exactly what Cesar did, to be able to make his change. And you can actually go to happentoyourcareer.com/186. And be able to download that case study along with the transcript of this podcast for this episode. Everything right there happentoyourcareer.com/186. And you can get every little thing that he did to be able to help him out and be able to make this change because it's pretty amazing change. Gotta admit that, right? So head on over there happentoyourcareer.com/186. And we have so much more coming up for you next week on Happen To Your Career. I want you to take a listen right now, for what we have in store for you.

Rebecca Maddox 41:45
Well, I came in thinking I was a math and science person coming in the college. And then after taking chemistry and calculus, I mean, these are pressure cooker kinds of classes, because they're meant to beat out all the weaklings. And then I say "weaklings" with quotation marks too. This was to weed out the people who are just, maybe you're waffling, and they're trying to just bring out the people who were completely and totally dedicated. And I remember getting back a grade on one of those tests. And it was I think, 50 something average and there was no curve. I thought, this is insane. Like average on this test is failing. I don't know what I'm doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:29
All that and plenty more next week on Happen To Your Career. If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, go ahead and do so just hit the subscribe button on whatever podcast player you're listening to. And also, thank you so much. We have had even more people go over and leave us a five star rating in review. This one comes to us from iTunes, and this is Evangelia, she says, "Scott and his team and guests provide premium value in this podcast. There are so many great episodes here. And I tune in to sharpen my own side as a professional in the Career Development space." She's a career coach. And she says, "I recommend this to many of my clients, and to listen to this podcast and even send them direct links to those that I know are relevant. There are great people on this podcast and working behind the scenes for it." Thank you so much, Evangelia. Really appreciate that. And really appreciate all of you that have taken the time to share feedback with us in the rest of the world and left us five star ratings and reviews. This helps so many more people find the show and we get to get more people to work that they love, which is kind of the whole point here, right. All right. We'll see you next week on Happen To Your Career. Adios. I'm out.

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Give Yourself Permission to Create a Life You Love with MJ Fitzpatrick

WELL, WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS ____________,
BUT SINCE THAT’S NOT AN OPTION…”

Have you ever caught yourself saying something to that affect?

Whether it’s a career change or any kind of life change, so many people have a clear vision of what they want, but seem to quickly brush that vision off and end up settling for what they have in front of them or what is easily attainable — that’s usually the much safer option. Are you giving yourself permission to make a change?

In your ideal world, what does your life look like? What kind of work would you be doing?

What is stopping you from achieving that now?

Seriously, what is stopping you?

Here’s a hint: NOTHING IS STOPPING US FROM MOVING TOWARD OUR GOALS, VISIONS, LIVES WE DREAM OF

…well, except for ourselves.

There’s this interesting concept about “learned permission-seeking.”

We’ve been conditioned by parents, teachers, and society to ask for permission to do things.

Now when it comes to change, as adults, we still wait for that permission to make a change.

We look for someone to give us permission or validate our choice to try a new hobby, go back to school, quit a steady job to start our own businesses, flip career paths, or create any type of change within our lives.

Permission stops so many people from moving forward.

Oftentimes, we find ourselves in these situations where we seem stuck because nobody has given us the green light to proceed with our actions — which is crazy, since these are our own lives we are talking about (!). Are you giving yourself permission to make a change?

But, there are ways to create that permission for yourself to be more, do more, and achieve more of your goals.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF WAITING FOR PERMISSION

STEP 1: QUESTION WHY YOU THINK YOU NEED TO GET PERMISSION TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO IN THE FIRST PLACE

Why do you feel like you need someone else to tell you that, ‘Yes, you CAN do this’?

Do you feel like someone needs to have accomplished what you want to do first? Why?

You can be a trailblazer. You don’t need permission to start down a new path to your own success.

Once you get down to the reason of why  you need to get the ‘okay’ from someone else, you’ll be able to acknowledge the main reason you need permission to create a change and overcome that obstacle to move forward.

STEP 2:  ROCKING CHAIR TEST

This is where you create some type of leverage for your current situation and what you’d like to accomplish. It usually works in the form of:

“WHEN I’M OLD AND GRAY, WHAT WILL I REGRET MORE?  
GOING AFTER MY DREAMS, OR SETTLING FOR WHAT I ALREADY HAVE?”

What do you think is more beneficial for you? Finally making that career change, or staying in the same place as you are now?

When you are faced with these little decisions, it’s time to take a step back to treat the symptoms of what is paralyzing you to wait for permission.

“THE KEY AREA FOR GROWTH IS RECOGNIZING THAT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE CERTAIN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE THE PERFECT ANSWER. IT JUST HAS TO BE GOOD ENOUGH.” – MJ FITZPATRICK

HOW TO MOVE FORWARD TO CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE

Now that we’ve gotten down to the root of the issues of WHY you have been waiting to get permission to continue working towards your ideal world, let’s move onto how  you can start and follow through with reaching the goals you want to achieve.

TRY!

Most of the time people stop themselves from reaching their goals well before they even take a moment to give it a try. So many attainable goals have been missed because there was a lack of an attempt.

So, challenge yourself to make it happen for you.

Put yourself out there — although it is terrifying, realize it is absolutely normal to be scared to try something new.

Acknowledge all of your feelings of fear. What is it that you’re really scared of?

If you’re scared of the failure or rejection you may encounter from trying something new, acknowledge it.

Get comfortable with that fear.

We’re all truly fearful of failing at things that are important to us. But, you need to give yourself permission to feel that fear and GO FOR IT!

“IF YOU JUST FEEL THE FEAR AND THEN RUN AWAY, THEN YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MOVE FORWARD.” – MJ FITZPATRICK
EXPERIMENT AND EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS

Think about how easy it is to test out your options. Creating those micro-experiments for yourself is a ‘safe’ way to move forward on your goals.

Investigate your skills and do things for free. Take a stab at your marketing skills by volunteering or test out a position at a new organization by finding an internship.

There are so many ways to feel out your options before diving into the deep end.

The most important thing you NEED to do is TAKE ACTION and MOVE FORWARD.

The biggest thing that I had to learn was that I was the only one that was thinking that I needed to stay where I was. Everyone else around me wanted me to be happy. Everyone else was just looking for me to make the best decision that I could.

I was just walking around with these expectations that I had to be a certain way. So, I really had to give myself permission.

Most of the time, it’s the expectations that we’ve set for ourselves that keep us locked down on a specific way we think  we should be living our lives.

We’re afraid to make changes (that we know deep inside our hearts that we need to change) because we are looking for certainty that our changes will be the ‘right’ ones.

If you’re in a career that you know you don’t belong in, or you’re burnt out and looking to make a greater impact with your work, don’t let the unknown stop you from moving forward and giving yourself permission to make a change.

Try out your options before you come to the conclusion that a career change isn’t for you or that the shift is something that you can’t handle.

Society creates a FALSE feeling of certainty. You’ll never be sure on the outcomes of anything, unless you actually take the actions to try and experience it for yourself.

And even then, you’ll learn something.

It either works for you or it isn’t your cup of tea.

If it doesn’t work out for you, the next thing you do is cross it off your list, and move on to the next thing.

And, if it just so happens to fit you perfectly, the rewards for stepping through that fear to try something new are so incredible, that it is worth it.

If you find that you need an extra push of support to go down a new, unknown path, we’ve got the resources for you. Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome to Happen To Your Career. I’m so very excited to be back with you as always. I’m particularly thrilled because of our guest today. I have someone you are going to love, not just from what they do now but where he has come from and his past story. Welcome to Happen To Your Career MJ. How are you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m fantastic and very happy to be here. Sometimes when I recording podcasts I have to get up at 2 or 3 a.m. but it’s a lovely, beautiful 10 a.m. here.

Scott Barlow: A balmy 10 a.m. Because you are on the other side of the world from me. Where are you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m staring out into a beautiful city as we speak and it’s a lovely winter’s day.

Scott Barlow: I sometimes forget the winter summer switch thing.

We are going to dive into your story. How do you describe what you do now?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I help people make decisions. Everything from someone in a career that they’ve been in 10 to 20 years moving to something else, people trying to improve their relationships, to people who have been through tough times trying to move forward. Anyone open to moving forward I help get clarity, a deeper sense of self, grow emotional intelligence and use those skills to move forward.

Scott Barlow: You aren’t a decision maker but maker of decision-makers?

MJ Fitzpatrick: Something like that. I try to stray from the term coach because it’s not what I do. I help people think through their life and what is important and reading people well enough to know when they are talking about what they really want to do and help them move the obstacles to move forward. It’s a cool job. I love it and it’s fascinating. You are always seeing new things and every time you think you have a rule someone breaks it. It’s a lot of fun and there are times when I heavily persuade someone to a decision, but I can’t ever truly get them through the door just as close as I can and remove the obstacles. If the person doesn’t step through the door themselves the change won’t stick and I’m not doing what I should.

Scott Barlow: I love that. You can’t make people get up in the morning. They have to shut off their own alarms or go through the door. Pick your analogy. I absolutely love that and think you have a unique perspective. Where does that start for you? Have you always been a maker of decision-makers?

MJ Fitzpatrick: If you can come up with a new word for what I do I will pay you all the money in my bank account. I’ve been struggling for a number of years and we’ve had the conversation.

Scott Barlow: Challenge accepted.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think I was an extremely analytical kid growing up trying to analyze social situations and stuck in my head the majority of my adult life. Over time, as I started to learn social skills and emotional intelligence and who I am, whether it’s a natural skill or I have somehow put a lot of work into it, I seem to be able to hear people speak or see and quickly see what is important. When I do my job I meet a new person, they talk to me for five or seven minutes where I listen and look at how they speak and their facial changes. It’s the skill to say you have said five minutes’ worth of words to me but it’s the three words you said in the first two minutes that we need to focus on. I think that is what my mind is good at and what I’m good at. It’s transportable to many arenas.

I love people; human beings. I love them so much. The second thing, the key competitive advantage, is I’m not trying to diagnose people or pull them into my world and tell them how to live. I go to them and their world and appreciate how they look at the world. Evolution has given us millions of years of advantages communicating with each other and to feel what others are feeling and mirror neurons so I can understand what they feel while they are speaking. I trust that and I try to be as empty as I can and be as present in the conversation. I think when those are your mindsets I don’t think it’s that hard to really understand people and see what is quite obvious. It’s extremely rare I’m speaking to someone and they don’t already have the answer. Maybe 80 percent of the time I’m there just to give them permission to think through what they want to be doing. About 20% are really blocked from the answer and I help them glide towards where they want to go.

Scott Barlow: I want to come back. One thing I wanted to talk about is the concept of permission. I want to come back to that but before that if I recall you had a number of things happen in your late teenage years that cover a lot of this for you.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Yeah I had a couple fun experiences. I was a willful and very intellectually aggressive kid. I didn’t really have a lot of self-esteem and confidence and tried to compensate with bravado. I don’t have physical strength so I used intellectual bravado. I went to a boarding school in Sydney and played rugby, which is a different version of American football with no protective gear. It is awesome. In one of the snaps I had my head in the wrong position and broke my neck. You have seven bones in your neck and pieces of rope that connect the bones together so they don’t move too much. If you put your chin on your chest and put your hand where your nipples are my chin was where your hand is now. That is how far my neck got pushed. The bones bent so much one piece of rope snapped. The bones slid together. They are there to support your structure and protect your spinal cord. My bones started going down the path to be a quadriplegic. The referee blew the whistle and I fell on my back. The likely outcome was death.

The second most likely was being a quadriplegic. I could have talked, which I like talking, but everything below my neck down would be a piece of meat. I spent the next five months in the hospital. I was on significant amounts of drugs to help the pain. Developed post-traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety. Take a kid who is already very anxious, and very logical, analytical and not a lot of confidence and put him in a neck brace to wear all the time.

Scott Barlow: The perfect storm right?

MJ Fitzpatrick: Yes exactly. The bullying in school got worse. My nickname was shit neck. Sorry for swearing, but it was the name they called me. It wasn’t a good place. I was operated on two days after my eighteenth birthday party. I couldn’t have a party because I was in a neck brace and didn’t have many friends. I left there and went to college. Because of the trauma and being in the hospital where I was the youngest patient by fifty years I was struggling with many existential questions: What is the quality of my life going to be? How often do I have to be in pain? Why did this happen to me? Why did I get caught in this? Why did God decide I was the person who had to have their neck broken? I was surrounded by young people that just wanted to have a good time and I was stuck in my mind with deep and intense questions. I spent the next year struggling to get along with people and it wasn’t going well. My college had people choice awards and I was voted the least liked person at my college.

Scott Barlow: That is a thing to vote to?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was telling this story at a school and some kid put up his hand and said why did they do that? Evidently it’s just something we decided to do.

Scott Barlow: I wonder if that is still a thing. I kind of want to google it.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Hopefully not. Hopefully kids have grown up.

Scott Barlow: Oh man. What happened from there? After you go the Facebook thumbs down?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was in my second year and I woke up one day and had a pain in my calf. No explanation. It became a numbness down into my foot, up to my knee and to my hip. I had ruptured a disc in between my back. No trauma but one leg was longer than the other. It was bound to happen eventually. It was the perfect storm because of how big my spinal column is and how big the canals are. The disc burst pushing on my sciatic nerve. 10 out of 10 pain for the next 11 months of my life all day. Back on pain killers and to see the neurosurgeon. I was told I had to have a second spinal fusion and I was only 19 years old.

I got to this place where I gave up. I couldn’t fathom living past the age of 21. My 21st birthday was one of the weirdest experiences of my life because I didn’t think I would get there. I put on 35 kilos of weight - depressed, anxious, PTSD, and addicted to many substances. I decided that my hand dealt by life was so bad I wasn’t going to play anymore. To cut a long story short that was my life and who I was: fat, smelly, few friends. I had to get away and try to process everything. I had such low emotional intelligence and awareness I didn’t realize I had been through trauma. It was normal. No part of me decided to take a step back and think about what happened to me.

I moved overseas. I had a friend develop social anxiety. We would go out and we would have to leave the club because he thought people were talking about him. I was confused because he hadn’t hurt his neck or back, nothing is broken so your brain must have created this. There is no causal link between your physical body and mind. You must have caused this. As we talked about this over the next months it was my starting position. My starting proposition was I don’t believe that this is set and who you are, we can change it. He was eventually able to let it go and he thanked me and my life changed. What I had been through taught me lessons. If I could figure those out and teach them to other people they will be happy. That sounds lovely but it was selfish because I thought if I could make them happy they would thank me for making them happy and that moment would allow me to feel joy. I learned of the growth mindset and realized I didn’t like anything about myself but I could work on all of it which was exciting to me.

Scott Barlow: Curious, when you are in that moment, in that place, clearly it was a progression, when you learn of the growth mindset what caused you to realize you could change?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was reading blogs. I can’t remember the name but I was reading the story of a guy who had changed. He was really insecure in the past but now he was confident. The idea you can get better as a human being makes me smile like a four year old boy. That idea. It was salvation to me. I looked at my life and didn’t like a single part but saw that wasn’t important. What is important is you can change.

It seems simple but it goes to show you how unemotionally intelligent I was. I was 22 years old when I learned I could get better. It was salvation. I looked at my life and realized I was in the hole. I am overweight, I have mental health problems, I am addicted to a lot, but there is a way out. I just have to work on myself.

Because I was in such a hole there was no ego involved. I wasn’t so fancy that I wasn’t willing to put in the work and have the brutal conversations. I was able to let go of the past: my anxiety, depression, lost weight, learned social skills, all because I realized I could get better as a person. I could teach the lessons to other people and they will be happy and I will have joy. That is where my life started.

Now I am in a place where I started thinking why didn’t anyone teach this to me in school. My life started changing and I saw resilience. Confidence is a teachable skill. We in self-development land understand it quite well. There are five to seven principles that if you practice and use you will become a confident person. Why did no one teach me this when I was thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen?

Scott Barlow: This is something I think a lot about. I’m curious on your opinion. I’ve had the same thoughts so many times. Why don’t we teach this in school? Obviously. The one thing I keep seeing that tugs on me on the other side is it seems like to absorb those lessons, a lot of times, not all the times, but when it gets the best absorbed is right time, place, and context. When there is potential loss or something else creating that time and space and willingness to listen. For you, you were in the right time and space. You didn’t have anything else to lose and you found evidence that created hope that was the light at the end of the tunnel causing you to know you could move forward. That is how I think about it, you looking at the end of the tunnel.

MJ Fitzpatrick: It’s something I think about a lot. The way I look at it if I sat down with a 10 or 12 year old and told them I could teach you how to be confident I think they would be so open to it. There is something about this transition. You go through puberty and your parents stop being the most important thing in your life in regards to your identity. It shifts to your peer group. There is something in this period between - I don’t know the ages - I’m not a developmental psychiatrist. There is something in this period where kids are developing their identity and they think it’s set in stone. I think and believe that if we teach kids in a way they can understand and create leverage where they are open that we can get through to them.

Even if that is false and what you say is true, that they need to be in the right time and place. The whole point of what I am doing is trying to give them something so compelling the growth mindset gets buried in there somewhere. They can live the rest of their life, and even if its five or ten years along, and they go through that challenging experience they remember they heard about it and can change as a person. I’m trying to approach it from both sides.

There is truth in what you say, but I wonder if that need for it to be the right time and place is something our society has conditioned over time because the way we educate kids. Is there is one answer? Don’t look at the back of the book or collaborate. Change is impossible, you are who you are. Or is it an actual fundamental principle. I have no idea. Maybe in 80 years I will. I really look at the work I’m doing at schools and I think I get half of them, when I’m on form and pay attention I think I can get half of the kids and make an impact. The other half I can at least, maybe I’m not helping them see themselves in a different way, but I present it in a compelling enough way that they will remember something I’ve mentioned so they will have a path forward when they are ready.

Scott Barlow: It’s possible. Just like when you discovered it, it was possible.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m not sure. It almost doesn’t matter which is true. I’m going to keep doing it.

Scott Barlow: I don’t know if it’s one or the other based on the research or application. I haven’t seen evidence that it is just one or the other. I was super curious on your take because of what you’ve done and been through. Your insight is interesting.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Sorry for interrupting. The most curious thing happened after speaking to a school on Monday. I was speaking to fourteen and fifteen year olds. I finished my speech and a couple people shook my hand. This one young man came up and shook my hand and said thank you for not patronizing us. That piece of feedback fascinated me so much. Whatever he is going through and perceives the world for that to be the thing he wants to say of all the things. It gives me a window to see what it is like to be fourteen and fifteen. I try to angle everything I do to that. I’m exactly like you, I’m not a teacher. I’m exactly like you and I have a message that has taken me a long time to learn and I can save you some hard times if you are open to it. If you aren’t it’s fine but take notes because one day you will need them.

Scott Barlow: That is fascinating. That particular message. That one tiny message says so much about what is going on in not just his life but other kid’s lives and how they look at it. I’m fascinated. Where for you, going from having the neck brace, to the second downhill, realizing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, being able to connect with schools and youth - How did it all come together for you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I started improving. I spent about two years, still at the University, I took a year off overseas where I lived with my friend. Came home still at university and realized that someone should teach this in school. I thought maybe I should do it. Maybe it could be my purpose. I was absolutely terrified. It was so terrifying because I’d have to leave university and have a conversation with my parents and better myself. None of that. That was option A and it was not possible because it was too scary. I can’t do A what is option B? I love people and want to help. I’ll go be a doctor. Because obviously of all jobs I could choose that was it. I convinced myself I should be a doctor. I spent two years studying and taught myself science. All the things. I got into a medical school in Sydney. I was stoked my first day of med school. Everyone was talking about being a doctor. This is where I was supposed to be. It’s weird about med students when you tell someone you are one they say congratulations. You are surrounded by wonderful validation.

Scott Barlow: I’m laughing because I haven’t been saying congratulations all these years and I realize I’m missing the socially acceptable way to do it. I didn’t realize it was a thing. It explains the validation.

MJ Fitzpatrick: These people you’ve never met ask you what you are doing and you tell them you are studying to be a doctor and they say congratulations or well done. You have these beautiful systems to make you feel amazing. First day of school I’m going to be a rock star. My second day, first genetics lecture, my stomach says Matthew you are in the wrong place. That was terrifying because the sunk cost of two years of my life getting into med school was huge. That feeling and nagging that it wasn’t what I was supposed to do would not go away.

I spent the next five weeks, and I want to press pause here, I teach this for a living and it’s easy to listen to my story and think he had it all together what a beautiful progression. I realized I wasn’t supposed to be in med school my second day and it took me five weeks to drop out. I’m the person who helps people think about decisions for a living and even in my own life it didn’t happen instantaneously. It took time.

That first day I had the feeling the question was this the right thing for me? After five weeks it had improved. Is this right for me? Is this the best way to help people? Am I really supposed to be a doctor? Eventually at 11 o’ clock on a Thursday evening it became am I willing to live the life of a fraud? Because I know I’m not supposed to be a doctor and I’m supposed to help kids learn confidence.

The second the question became that, I dropped out of med school 20 minutes later. Courage only lasts a certain amount of time. You don’t get courage and just walk around thinking you are the most courageous person in the world. You get courage for literally 20 minutes. You say I’m going to do it, I’m going to quit. You have twenty minutes to quit. Write your resignation letter. For me it was going on the online portal and dropping out. If you don’t do it in that time and commit when you have courage it will disappear. All emotional states are transient and fade. You will lose the courage.

I dropped out of school and worked at a gym as a personal trainer three days a week and built my business on the side. Now I do two things. I spent a day a week in schools and I have another company called One Scope that places me in schools and I spend the other five to six days a week working one-on-one with people or with corporations or speaking. I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted to do.

I dropped out of school with the idea of being a confidence person even though I didn’t know what that meant. I knew enough of a direction that if I took action, and because I knew it was my purpose I went in that direction and over time it became clearer and clearer. It was a messy process. I spent the first six months of my business trying to teach university students. I realized they don’t care and they didn’t have enough money to make a business there. I didn’t waste my first six months, just made a mistake.

I shifted to entrepreneurs helping them think about business and themselves in a more effective way, that was the progression. Now it’s helping people think about their life better and going into schools and giving them what I think they should have been taught in school.

Scott Barlow: Let’s talk about this concept of permission. From what you just described at some point, as the question got better, you had the pressure in med school and sunk costs, you felt the pressure and it’s simmering over five weeks. Where did you find the permission, not just the courage, but the permission for yourself to release from that?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think it was the power of the language of the word fraud. I know that may sound strange but it’s a different question if I ask myself am I willing to live a different life? A safe life? Versus am I willing to be a fraud? I didn’t have an option but to drop out because I knew I wouldn’t be doing what I was supposed to. You can create a mission for yourself and there are a lot of different ways to do so. You can speak to friends or a parent that will give you good advice or have your back. If you are 80 what will you regret the most not doing and give yourself permission that way. The big thing for me to realize was that I was the only one that was thinking I needed to stay where I was. Everyone wanted me to be happy and make the best decision I could. I was the one placing the pressure on myself to live up to the expectations of being a doctor and had to be a certain way. I had to give myself permission.

Now when I look back and see with the people I work with there are two ways to create permission. Many people are looking for someone to say you can do this. We get inspiration and then say now I have permission. I see two ways: The first is to question why you think you need permission in the first place. One of my clients thought she needed her mom to be proud of her and that was her definition of permission. I told her to have a conversation with her mom who she was close with and ask her if she is proud. Her mom said yes. She was suddenly free and didn’t need permission.

The second way is to try and create some form of leverage. The most famous way is how Jeff Basil created Amazon. He thought about where he was. He had a nice job as a management consultant. He wanted to start a business. When I think of my life when I’m 80 and 90 which will I regret more? He called it the rocking chair test. He was allowing himself to have permission to go for broke and see what happens by thinking about the future. The other way people use it: For most people currently in a job and want to start a business or shift heir career, usually the worst possible outcome is they will end up exactly where they are. They will have spent some time and money but if it doesn’t work they can just go get another job somewhere. Permission is so important but mostly it’s us just walking around with this belief that we need permission when in actuality there is nothing stopping us from moving forward.

Scott Barlow: That is super interesting. And relevant. I am fascinated by this concept of permission because I see it stopping so many different people and I know there are people that are listening that have been unintentionally waiting on permission for one thing or another need. I love the rocking chair test in particular. I didn’t realize it was a Jeff Basil thing. I use a variation of that all the time when I get stuck on something. When I’m on my death bed which would I do?

MJ Fitzpatrick: It’s the most common form. It can be called permission or leverage. Getting a reason to make a change that is more important than your reasons for staying where you are. It’s the most common form. People talk about it all the time. You’ll hear someone say just what you said. I thought about ten and twenty years from now which one would I regret?

Scott Barlow: One of the things I hear constantly is people saying “well, what I really want to do is ___. But since it’s not an option” they just roll right onto the next thing. “I just can’t figure out what I really want to do because what I really want to do is ____. But since it’s not an option.” It’s almost like we need some level of permission to stop ourselves from settling. When it’s right there in the first place. I’m curious, when people find themselves there in that situation where they think they can’t do something for a reason what do you recommend?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I had this happen all the time. The most recent was when I was out for coffee with an extremely successful lawyer who wants more. I was having a conversation with him and said clearly you want something more, what do you want to do? And he said I don’t know. I said if you did know, in a hypothetical world, what would you want to do? And immediately he said interior design. That’s fascinating, why don’t you go start a business? He said I’ve given myself five years to do that. I stopped him and said where did you get the number 5 years? I can tell you what people are doing when they say that. They are looking for certainty.

When you grow up in the corporate environment with a stable paycheck and easy career progression, and I’m oversimplifying, but you have so much certainty. You don’t worry about your paycheck and things you worry about in your own business. You are 15 to 20 years in an environment ruled by certainty and the most uncertain thing you can do is leave your job and start a business. It’s bonkers to most people. When he said I’m leaving this for five years. What he was saying was I believe if I think about this for five years then I will create enough certainty that I can go pursue it. When people say they want permission they want certainty. They want to know for sure. The key area of growth is recognizing it doesn’t have to be certain. You don’t have to have the perfect answer. It just needs to be good enough.

I left med school knowing I couldn’t get back in. There is a gentleman’s agreement with the medical school people in Australia where if you leave once you never get to come back. They don’t say congratulations and you are on the bad person list.

It was so vague. I want to help people be more confident. That was it. I had no idea what that would look like but I knew I had a reason to leave more than to stay. My reasons to stay were not as powerful. The moment it flipped, I had permission to leave. The key point is two-fold: One, you have never actually tried. People say I want to do this but I know it’s not possible so I’m going to do something else. But have you actually tried? If they write it out and work out and challenge all the stories and meanings you’ve created about yourself. The second thing is how easy it is to test these things. My friend that wanted to be an interior designer had this giant business plan in his head; I need a website, I need to study.

Scott Barlow: Business cards. You need those.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Okay, back up a couple of steps. Do you have friends who are renovating their house? Yes I have two. Great ask one of them if you can design their house for free. They pay for all the furniture, you treat them like a client, and you won’t charge them anything. If they like it you can take photos and put it on a website. If not then its fine. There is zero risk on their end and maximum upside on your end and you are heading toward starting a business. You are taking action and moving forward. The key point in that moment is he is terrified of that because he is putting himself out there and immediately all the people that live in his current world that think it’s crazy to start a business and to quit being a lawyer to become an interior designer will challenge him. It’s a strong argument he will get feedback.

The second thing is he could get a no, get rejected. I think the fear of rejection has killed more new businesses and careers than anything else because it’s terrifying. You are putting your heart and soul out there and people could tell you it’s ludicrous but deeper you are putting your heart and soul into the world and someone could tell you no it’s not good enough. I can see that fear and help people through it. Just because you feel fear doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You should investigate that fear. It’s not a superpower or mythical fear investigation process. Just ask yourself what am I afraid of? Figure it out. Once you know your fear, try to move through it. If you just feel the fear and run away you will never move forward.

Scott Barlow: I love that and what you are talking about with the fear. Sometimes it’s a good indicator you should lean in, especially if it is important. We do not feel fear for things that are unimportant. We don’t feel nervous or afraid. We have a coach Lisa Lewis and she calls it being nervcited. You are nervous and kind of excited and it’s important to you that is why you are nervous. I love what you are talking about with feeling that out and exploring it. You have to lean into it to know what it is.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think the other thing is it is normal. You are going to be scared.

Scott Barlow: You are human.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Obviously I will be terrified if I’ve been a partner at a law firm for fifteen years, everyone in my life knows me as a lawyer and thinks I should be a certain way. I want to leave that and not do a law start up but be an interior designer. Of course that is going to be scary. It’s fine and normal. You are who you are. The only reason you are scared is because decisions you have made unconsciously and the environment you were raised in. It is what it is and it’s normal. You can move through it if you want. The only person stopping you is you. There is no master step. It’s messy and not easy but the key thing is that the rewards are so worth it. I’m preaching to the choir but the rewards of stepping through that fear and carving out your life and career, the rewards are so incredible that it’s worth it. It’s hard to see what it will be like on the other side of the door. If you haven’t stepped through yet you look at it as though it’s scary and you can’t see it.

I see this most when working with people who have motivated themselves to prove other people wrong in their whole life. Those people bet me that I couldn’t do it so I’m going to go do it. It’s their modus operandi. When I ask them what if you didn’t motivate yourself from that place but motivated yourself because you wanted to do something rather than running away? In one hundred percent of cases they say I wouldn’t do anything I’d be a bum or hippy. You wouldn’t do anything because the current way you look at yourself and life has been motivated this way. To change to something else you have no clue what it looks like. But you can decide what it’s going to be. There is no blueprint. You haven’t made decisions yet. You can decide what it is going to be like.

Yes you feel all this fear and quitting may be the scariest thing you do and you shouldn’t quit until you have a plan and money. Don’t just quit your job today and send me an email unless you have a lot of money in the bank. I take zero responsibility for quitting your job. But you are terrified what your life will be like because you don’t know what the new world is. The second you step through you can decide.

I’m getting goosebumps talking about it because I love it so much. It’s easy for me to talk about the process now because I’ve been through it. If you had seen me during those five weeks in med school I couldn’t sleep. I was a mess. Now that I’ve stepped through and understand the process and courage and giving myself permission it’s easier because I can understand the process. I’ve done it. I’ve jumped off the cliff and other cliffs are now easier. It’s possible. It’s radical acceptance. This is who I am and what I’m feeling now. It doesn’t mean you have to stop. You can keep moving forward.

Scott Barlow: You can get better at cliff diving. This absolutely fantastic. One quick question. For you, it seems you intentionally went away. That is what I wrote down. You are talking about deciding who you are, and I’ve done the same thing like five to seven years of my life where I’ve gotten away and the act of doing so gives you permission to evolve yourself as someone different. Have you seen that be the case in a lot of people? I haven’t explored it or seen research. I’ve just observed it and you’ve mentioned it.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I copied this from Bill Gates. Twice a year he does a thinking week. He goes away for a week. It’s no phone or internet. Just him and books. He thinks about himself and his life. I’ve seen it work in other peoples’ lives but the key variable is time. A weekend is not enough. It has to be 4, 5, 6 days. Your mind is built to have an internal and external ward that are always interacting deciding where and what you should do because of your environment. When you make a radical change in your environment after three or four days your brain stops doing all the things it’s supposed to do because of the old environment and you get to look at yourself from the environmental pressures, shoulds, and meetings to make and you are free and can decide how you want to be when you go back into your world.

You have to make habits and decisions or it will force you back. Anyone listening and thinks they need permission to start a new business: number one I give you complete permission to do what you need to except quit your job without a plan. Number two is go away. Spend five days. Leave your phone and computer at home. Take a journal and books, book an Airbnb in the countryside and just go be. Massive epiphanies will happen if you allow your mind to think about your life.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I appreciate you making and taking the time. Coming to us from the other side of the world. I am curious for people that want more MJ how can they get more?

MJ Fitzpatrick: My website MJFitzpatrick.com. I give away 99% of my content. That isn’t just me saying it because it sounds nice but it is literally 99% of my content. You can’t buy anything on my website. Go there and I give my work away to people that take action. Click on a button that opens a box to send an email and introduce yourself. You will find all my podcasts, videos, and speeches, except the ones in schools I can’t film, all my blog posts, a bunch of guides. There is enough life changing material and you don’t have to pay a dollar. Anyone listening that feels I’ve given them value or want more stop at my website I’d love to start a conversation and build a relationship.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. Head on over there. Great place to be. Been there myself. Thank you so much again. This has been awesome. Thank you for all your thoughts on permission and sharing your story. Super cool.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

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Stop Avoiding Your Patterns to Find Work that Fits You with Matthew Toy

Have you noticed any reoccurring themes  or life patterns in your life?

These themes can range from the habits you form, the hobbies you enjoy, the work you choose, the tasks you hate, the type of people you surround yourself with, and so on.

Just stop and think for a moment.

Does anything stand out?

The life patterns and themes that appear in your life are little nuggets of gold that you shouldn’t hastily push aside when you’re looking to make any big life changes, like a career transition.

We’ve talked about how these themes and patterns are like breadcrumbs that help lead you to a dream career that is more aligned with your core values. And, how looking back and reflecting on your career or asking the people closest to you what your strengths are is key in collecting as many data points to help you connect the dots to what your next career will look like.

As much as we emphasize how digging deeper into your own patterns in your career and life is the first piece of research you need to do before you start down the career change road, we know that sometimes it is hard to accept those patterns for what they truly are.

Just ask our guest, Matthew Toy, who avoided accepting what everyone else around him knew about how big of an impact his own passion for practicing yoga had on his life.

THE FEAR WAS DEFINITELY THERE. YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP GOING. YOU HAVE TO ACT IN THE FACE OF FEAR. IT TAKES COURAGE. TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP OF ACTUALLY REALIZING FROM THOUGHT TO REALITY.

MATT TOY

Fast forward to now, and you’ll find Matt teaching and practicing Man Yoga (yoga for men) at the Berkeley Yoga Center, re-educating people on what the practice of yoga really is through his Instagram, as well as at events. He is also the co-founder of a bakery.

With a full life, yoga practice, and career, Matt is now able to look back, reflect, and share his path on how accepting his own life patterns led him to where he is now.

Let’s take a look at what you need to do to stop avoiding your own patterns to help land you a career that fits you.

IDENTIFY YOUR DISTINCT PATTERNS

Looking at the career path that you’ve been on will help you figure out if you want to continue down that same road or it will help you decide on the things you want to keep in you next career.

So, pull out a notebook, an iPad, or a recording device, and let’s get to identifying your patterns.

YOUR CORE VALUES

What do you value in your life?  What have you found that you really value in your career?

Anytime that you’ve changed jobs, what have you needed in your career? What don’t you need?

What kind of organizations do you typically work with? What kind of organizations have you stayed away from in the past?

Are there any issues you’ve had come up time and time again that you know that you absolutely can’t stand?

These are just a few basic questions you should ask yourself.

Finding those patterns in your values and determining what you value enough to have in your life and in your work is important in helping structure the framework to your career transition.

YOUR PASSIONS

This should be easy.

What do you love doing?

Do  you have any hobbies? Do you have a routine that you can’t live without?

For Matt Toy, it was yoga. No matter what his life and career was like, he always had yoga to come back to and keep him centered.

Do you have any activities that keep you so absorbed that you don’t even realize how much time has passed by?

Write those down. You’ll want to keep those patterns in your life.

YOUR STRENGTHS

Ask yourself:

What are some of the tasks that I have consistently succeeded in?

In my career, do I have a pattern of doing something really well? What have your coworkers constantly asked you to do because you either love doing it or you’re the best at?

What kind of problems do you find yourself solving constantly?

If you don’t know what your strengths are, ask a close friend or family member, or even a colleague.

GET COMFORTABLE AND ACCEPTING YOUR PATTERNS

STOP AVOIDING WHO YOU ARE

We have a tendency to look at our lives as we think it should be according to society’s standards.

But, who says that’s the right way  to be living anyway?

Once we begin to accept who we are, the things we value, enjoy, and want to be doing in our careers, so many more doors of opportunity will open.

And, the best part will be the day that “working” will no longer feel like “work.”

TAKE ACTION

After accepting all of the above in who you are and what your life patterns have showed you to be, it is in your best interest to begin doing.

Take action. 

When you put things into motion, you’ll find that things will either begin falling into place, or that you may need to re-evaluate and try again.

THINGS DON’T JUST MANIFEST. YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION FOR THINGS TO MANIFEST.

 MATT TOY

CROSS IT OFF YOUR LIST

As mentioned above, there isn’t anything wrong with trying  a new career path and finding out that, that path wasn’t right for you. At least you’re able to cross it off your list and move onto something else.

The whole process requires you to use those patterns you find to identify paths to venture down.

Not every path you identify will fit, but the process is about incorporating those micro-experiments into your career search.

You don’t have to commit to anything until you’re sure of it.

Once you’re actually faced with a challenge then you’re forced to make a decision or stay where you are.

If you make a decision, it means you’re moving. If you’re staying where you are that means, ‘Okay…I’m just going to tolerate this even though it’s painful.’

You learn a lesson.

You have to either decide, ‘Okay I’m taking action and changing what’s going on. I’m changing my circumstances,’ or ‘I’m just going to sit here and stick with it because that is what I have decided to do.’

Remember, now that you’ve decided to do something about your current situation, you’ve already made progress. And, just because you’ve made a decision to move forward with one thing, doesn’t mean that you’re committed to it forever.

There is always a way to pivot.

Once you take action and do something different from what you’ve been doing, you’re already moving in the right direction.

Don’t rush your career change process. By doing that, you defeat the purpose of the time you’ve put into doing all of the soul-searching and goal-setting to find your next career move.

If you hit a road block and don’t know what to do next, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Big life change isn’t always a leisurely stroll in the park.

If you find that you need an extra push of support, we’ve got the resources for you. Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome back to Happen to Your Career. This is Scott Anthony Barlow. I’m always excited, but I’m especially ecstatic today. Before we hit the record button I was telling our guest how much I’ve been looking forward to this conversation and every conversation we have. He is someone who has allowed us the privilege of participating in his journey along the way. He has done a nice job over the years and lately in developing his career and a business on the side. I wanted to share his story with you. Welcome Matt Toy.

Matt Toy: Hi Scott. I’m doing great. I’m also looking forward to this conversation. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard your voice and interacted. It’s great to be here.

Scott Barlow: It’s been more than a few months. Four or five months. Give people an idea of what you do now. How do you tell people about that?

Matt Toy: Nowadays, the most exciting thing for me, is I have a few things going on in the yoga world. I teach Man Yoga: Yoga for men. It’s a group of men that wouldn’t normally go to yoga class and I teach them the foundation of yoga. It’s helped me a lot over the years. I’ve started Instagram trying to do a re-education of what yoga really is; not just about your body but deeper. We do some events trying to teach and spread yoga. I’m a father and I co-own a bakery. Lots of things, busy, but life is full.

Scott Barlow: I know you haven’t always co-owned a bakery or teaching yoga for men, or had participation in these businesses or always had a family. I know a bunch of your story because we’ve interacted for a couple years I think. How long has it been?

Matt Toy: It’s been at least a year and half. The coaching program was six months which may have been six months ago, I’d have to look at my calendar.

Scott Barlow: Oh my goodness, at least 18 months and so much has changed for you in that time. I would love to go way back and learn the parts of the story that I don’t know about. Where does this start for you, for your career?

Matt Toy: I’m sure like many of you, especially if you are a millennial, have read Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss or heard about it. Way back, maybe in 2012, I was burnt out working a typical 9-5 job. Drudgery. My buddy says check out this book and it blows my mind. I need to do an online marketing business. For like three years I focused on this and kept failing, kept pivoting, and never committing to one thing. I never asked, do I want an online business? I found Scott through a Facebook group for a different online course. Ramit Sethi’s Zero to Launch, basically a step-by-step process to create an online business. I saw a post you made and I thought I needed to connect with you. I had failed over and over again in three to four years of creating an online business. I had been working different jobs but not falling in love with any of them.

Scott Barlow: What were some of those jobs?

Matt Toy: I’m glad you asked. Out of college, where I got really burnt out, I was managing farmer’s markets, logistical stuff. Being onsite two days a week was great because I was offsite interacting with people, but the remainder was office work - making sure the books were straight, farmers were showing up, that they knew the drill, and different tasks to organize a large events. The biggest market was 200 vendors. There were some perks. It’s hip to be in the food scene especially in the bay area. The relationships with the CEO and co-workers weren’t good not just mentally but emotionally and wore me out.

My buddy introduced me to Four Hour Work Week and I quit that job almost immediately. I was so pumped up with the concepts. I’m out of here! I started working for a bakery while still in school. Food is a huge part for me. Connection over a meal is a fantastic thing. I fell in love with the business but didn’t see much room for growth. Still having a fantasy and hope that I will somehow make money online passively. I was more frustrated with my inability to grow in the bakery business and failing at all these new business ideas over and over again.

I worked landscaping for over a year. It was all over the place. Career-wise it’s been a bunch of different things. The good thing is I gained a bunch of different skills, especially people skills and the ability to connect with different people. The farmers first, the bakery, and how to manage a team and connect with customers directly, and landscaping - how to interact with clients with huge budgets. Throughout this time, where yoga comes in was I continually did yoga and it saved me along the way. It kept me sane and with my long term girlfriend that is now my wife and kept me from pushing away friends and kept me out of depression when I kept failing at the businesses. Thinking, this isn’t working what is wrong with me?

Scott Barlow: When did you start yoga?

Matt Toy: In College. Before I went to school my martial arts instructor told me I needed to do yoga because I was going to meet so many women. I didn’t know what he was talking about then. Whatever. I took a yoga class whether or not it was for the women. I fell in love with the practice it was so challenging, hard, and subtle at the same time. I continued to practice. That was ten years ago. I’ve been doing it ever since.

Scott Barlow: You had yoga going on this entire time keeping you from tearing apart at the seams with these different jobs and different variations of the fantasy of what you thought you wanted for the online business. I’m curious where that evolved. Someplace in this you met your girlfriend now wife and traveled abroad. How does it all fit in?

 Matt Toy: There are a lot of layers. Career-wise I told you how that progressed. I was practicing yoga and trained to be a teacher in yoga. It’s interesting. My life has been a pendulum of stuff I want to do in my core. When I sit in silence it’s the stuff I want to really do with my life, the things no one else is telling me to do. One of those things is travel. I’ve traveled many times to Europe. I studied abroad there in college. I’ve been back almost every other year. I’ve been to Mexico, North Africa, and Southeast Asia. I’ve had travel experience and fell in love with the connection to people, learning new languages, the new cultures; all of that. It’s always been part of it. It’s the positive part of the pendulum. When I return home to the job I wasn’t in love with that I couldn’t contribute my gifts to it swung the other way. What skills do I have? There were a lot of questions. I would switch jobs, try something new and travel again and they pendulum would swing back to the growth phase.

Scott Barlow: That is an interesting way to put it. I’ve met a lot of people who have gone through it and never thought of it as a pendulum swinging back and forth. I’m curious on your thoughts on that going through it multiple times. It seems like when the pendulum swings one way its sweet but when it goes the other way it’s not in alignment. For me, when I’ve had tastes of that, it didn’t click for me. I thought I had to tolerate the one side to get to the other side. How do you think about that?

Matt Toy: The way I describe it it’s not always positive or negative. It swings to one side where life is easy, you are in flow. There is a challenge. It was for me, what is my career or what business will I create online, do I want to marry my long-term girlfriend, do I want to have kids. These challenges. When faced with it you are forced to make a decision or stay where you are. If you make a decision you’re moving if you stay where you are you are tolerating it even though it’s painful. You learn a lesson that either you are taking action and changing your circumstances, or maybe I’m just sitting here, and maybe it’s my emotional state and it doesn’t feel good but I’m going to stick with it because it’s what I’ve decided to do. It goes both ways and there is always a lesson no matter where it swings. Maybe in the moment it’s uncomfortable, I really hate my job, I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know if I want to get married. There is a lesson in there to be learned it’s just hard to see while you are in it.

To give you an example, with my wife, a few months before I proposed I was in a rough place. I didn’t know what I was doing with my career, wasn’t making much money, I felt like a loser. Then this thing clicked for me. I read a book called The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. And it was a complete mind shift for me. The pendulum was on the negative side. I realized I wanted to marry this woman she is amazing and beautiful. All the other issues and problems I have don’t exist. They are a creation of my mind. I went on a 500 mile pilgrimage by myself across northern Spain. Walking 500 miles over a month. I came back solid and strong knowing who I was and what I wanted to do. I wanted to marry this women. It was beautiful and amazing. It took a mental shift.

Scott Barlow: What was the name of the pilgrimage?

Matt Toy: It’s called the Camino de Santiago. The way of St James in English. I’m not Catholic, my wife is. It was more of a soul searching, self-discovery thing.

Scott Barlow: What is the pathway?

Matt Toy: There are many pathways. One goes through Portugal. You probably saw some of the signs. Mine started in the border of France and Spain on the France Side, the northwestern part of France. You jump over the Pyrenees and continue through the Meseta of Spain, a high plateau, and eventually get into Galicia which is green rolling hills, just gorgeous, and finally you get to Santiago. There is a huge cathedral. It’s an amazing experience for anyone who needs to take a vacation that is good for body, mind and soul. I actually wrote a book on it.

Scott Barlow: I was going to say didn’t you write a guide for that. Small plug if you are going to take that. I know a great resource.

Matt Toy: It’s called the Preparedness Guide for the Camino de Santiago. If you aren’t an experienced hiker and do not know what gear to get it will be helpful. You can get it on Amazon.

Scott Barlow: That is awesome. I didn’t realize that is where that came from. We had a conversation. I said I was going to Portugal and you told us about that journey but I didn’t realize it sparked you coming back and marrying your now wife and everything else that happened. What happened from there?

Matt Toy: Think of the pendulum. I was at the center and it switched over to the positive side. I got married, took a two month honeymoon in Europe. Come back and I’m like “oh Shit” - love life is great, relationship fantastic - Career. I still have these different fantasies I can’t let die of this online business. I started the landscaping job to make money, it paid really well. I wasn’t coming home happy and energized. I tell people in my yoga class, I want you to be tired but energized at the same time. If you feel down emotionally it isn’t working and we need to change something. It means you’ve done work but its good work. I wasn’t getting that. I started searching again. I popped into Ramit’s page and found you. I signed up for your coaching course. The main questions I needed answered were: what am I good at? What am I going to contribute? What will I make great money doing but do what I want and love to do in a way that I shine through the rest so my competition doesn’t even compare to me because this is my niche or what I excel at? These people excel at other things and that is there market. I had been teaching yoga but I had never really considered it to be the thing that would satisfy all of it; which is funny and ridiculous.

Scott Barlow: In hindsight it kept you sane all these years and you kept coming back to it and you loved it. I remember having the conversation early on about yoga. And you were like no I don’t really want to do that, but maybe.

Matt Toy: It’s pretty ridiculous when you look back. I remember I asked some of my closest friends through a nice email to tell me my strengths and them to be completely honest, not just an ego boost. What would you say at my funeral? It’s interesting because all the people said something about yoga. There was a distinct pattern and for some reason I just wouldn’t see it. I think the fantasy of having the online business with the “freedom” was enticing and yet my story and path was this yoga one that I was failing to fully see and embrace it and own it. That’s kind of a snapshot of what I was going through in the program. Do I do yoga, or coach?

Scott Barlow: What was that like because if I remember it took four or five months to circle back around and begin to be comfortable with that. What was it like on the inside?  I think people are going through that when they are interested in starting a business and I think we have a tendency to see what other people are doing and grab onto it and say it’s for me. When we talked it was apparent you needed the personal interaction with people to have a minimal level of happiness and it didn’t fit with the online business.

Matt Toy: I’m glad you asked. The short answer was it was horrible. I was waking up every day and wondering what am I going to do today. What are my goals? Waking up and feeling lost and analyzing over and over again and getting the same answers. Yoga wasn’t part of the discussion in my head. It’s looking outside of yourself and saying oh that looks cool that is exactly what I want to do. Like the Four Hour Work Week book that is exactly what I want to do. The risk is, let’s say I did have a huge level of financial success doing online stuff, it would bring me some degree of satisfaction but at my core I need the personal touch. I need to be involved face to face with people. Over time it would have worn me out like every other job because it’s not me. It was extremely painful because it’s looking and asking over and over and analyzing until it came full circle; hey dummy yoga is the thing.

Scott Barlow: What caused you, and I know it was a series of events, now looking back, which is always obvious looking back on what career you should start, it becomes so obvious you question how you ignored it. What took place for you to stop pushing it to the side or ignoring it?

Matt Toy: That is a great question. A few things come to mind. I’m not sure there is one thing. The coaching course stopped and I felt like I didn’t have anything to show for it. It was highly valuable to me but I felt I had little to show compared to the other people in the group. It made me want to take action. I did throughout the course which I think is the biggest thing. I got paid to coach one guy for a couple weeks. It was okay, because I thought I wanted to be a coach during the program. Or other things.

Once you start to take action you can cross things off the list. They are no longer hypothetical. I started doing research and connecting with these people and there was no interest and you can cross it off. I kept crossing things off the list because of my action. The course ended so I did what I did best, taught yoga, talk about yoga, have people look within and live deeper lives. Friends came up to me to ask me to teach them yoga. Basically it was like that until I realized that was what I needed to be doing. It was a variety of things.

The biggest lesson is to take action, do something. I remember you telling me it doesn’t mean you will do that thing forever. You can change. I’ve changed multiple times. I was first just teaching men but now teach men and women. I recognize the pattern of people that come to me. They want strength, stillness, body and mind not just the flowery stuff. I wouldn’t have gotten to this point without taking action. That is the biggest lesson. Take action. Do something.

Scott Barlow: That is super interesting for many reasons. Particularly as you were going through this and you were doing it with other people getting coaching at the same time. I didn’t realize at that time that there was a comparison or feeling of pressure. That is interesting for me putting on my coach hat. We had some people doing really well and far along in bringing in money. I didn’t realize that. The second thing is the work you were doing was something everyone needs to go through and it takes different amounts of time. I haven’t found anybody that can put it on a particular track record to check of each step. For you that was going through and crossing things off the list that were in your head to make sure they weren’t what you wanted to do. Everyone has to go through some variation of that for it to feel good about what you do choose. And settle into that market and feel like it is you. There is a question there somewhere. How do you think about that going through that process?

Matt Toy: I think you are right. Everyone has a different way going through that process and getting to the core of what they are here to do. It can be relationships, career or anything. What is interesting, and I didn’t tell you, but anytime I would be calm or sit in stillness, my mind was whispering hey Matt, yoga is what you are supposed to be teaching. I’d get a rush of emotion, and not fleeting that this was my purpose but then my mind kicked in again.

Scott Barlow: Logic overriding the heart.

Matt Toy: Exactly. There is a balance of logic and heart. But that feeling of fulfillment and happiness that people want doesn’t come from the mind. I had to listen and sometimes I couldn’t. Let’s say that logic is correct, let’s create a list of possible things to take action. That is what I’m paying Scott for and he told me to do. I started crossing things off. I’m sure other people have other ways of challenging the mind and coming up with what you really want to do but for me I didn’t have anything else to cross off. Let’s do yoga.

Scott Barlow: I think that is good for a variety of ways. So many of us want to rush right to the thing. How do I get to the right thing, the right business, how do I choose correctly? It puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on us and when you look at it that way it defeats the purpose and you can’t get to the thing and when you get there it will evolve. In your case, once you became okay with I need to stop ignoring this side what were the scariest parts of getting to your first clients and thinking of it from starting a business?

Matt Toy: That is a good question. It’s my biggest fears. The biggest one was when I held my all male yoga class which I dubbed Male Yoga. Would anyone show up? I knew three to four guys would. I think fifteen guys showed up and that was minimal marketing. Mostly mouth to mouth and my network and their friends. It felt so good fifteen guys showed up to learn yoga. Most hadn’t done it before. The fear was there but you have to keep going and act in the face of fear. It takes courage to run a business and take that first step from thought to reality.

Scott Barlow: That is interesting. That event I remember talking and emailing about. You were really apprehensive and didn’t want to do it if I remember right.

Matt Toy: I don’t think I did. What was interesting was after the course we were still in contact and also with people in the group and they were like you just need to do it. I was like fine I’ll do it. I’ll teach men yoga. I had a vision in my mind I wanted to do it but something was holding me back. I think it was the fear that no one would show up. Then it was that thought that if no one showed up I wasn’t worthy or good enough. We internalize these things that are BS. I went through with it and it worked out. Just take action.

Scott Barlow: I think that is the theme here. I think without continually doing something about it. We designed experiments for you for lack of a better phrase to test the different markets and you went out there and learned they weren’t what you wanted to do which was so cool. I heard you say failure. I think some people would look at those interactions as failures. But I don’t. I’m proud of you for doing that. It escalates getting to a spot you feel really good about faster. If you hadn’t done it how long do you think it would have taken?

Matt Toy: I don’t even know how long. You can’t put a time limit on it.

Scott Barlow: Would it have happened?

Matt Toy: I think that is the bigger question. And the answer is no. It wouldn’t have. Things don’t just manifest. You have to take action for it to come into play. That is why yoga is so great. You move your body and breath and take action, you find stillness and calm and things arise but you took action first. The same with your career. If you’re stuck and trying to figure out your strengths go do the research. Those tests you had me go through were fantastic. Here are my strengths that makes sense. It gives you the confidence boost to take action and do something. I think that is the theme today. Just take action with whatever you have even if it’s not the perfect idea or business plan.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I’m curious what advice would you give people that are in this same place as they are going through this, because you have a unique perspective on this one piece. Building business or changing a career or path of any kind is hard and taxing. What would you suggest with your expertise?

Matt Toy: One of the things that comes to mind is habits. What I loved about your course is the master schedule. Looking down and saying what does my schedule look like on a daily, weekly and monthly basis to see where I’m losing time and not being effective. Where am I sitting by myself thinking and analyzing and judging? That was helpful to look at and see when am I going to take action and growing a business am I still going to the gym and eat well and do yoga. You allocate time to all the things that keep the machine going and gas in the tank. The downfall or pitfall I’ve seen especially for younger people in their 20s or 30s is they get all hyped up and go full-fledged. Whether it is the right idea it doesn’t matter. They go full-fledged and burn themselves out. They are kind of stuck. I think it’s a learning process and okay but if it is to happen you have to take care of yourself. Sleep, nutrition, fruits and vegetables and for me yoga and moving my body. Don’t lose the core principles while you build a business. It is challenging to build a business. There are a lot of unknowns and puts you in a frantic emotional state. The better you can get on your health and wellness the better. That will go back to the effectiveness and efficiency of how you run your business and the decisions you make.

Matt Toy: Yeah go to my website which is matthewatoy.com with two t‘s. You can book a class which would be the best thing. Come meet me and the group of guys or do a private if you aren’t well versed in yoga. Follow me on Instagram that is easy to do @MatthewToyYoga. Those are the two best. Sign up and stay connected through email on the website.

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