Switching Industries Without Compromising Your Career’s Trajectory

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU THOUGHT TO YOURSELF WHILE SITTING AT YOUR DESK, “IS THIS REALLY IT?”

Maybe you really enjoyed your job when you started…four years ago. But now, you stroll into work each morning disengaged and hopeless. You wonder if there’s anything else out there that will make you feel as excited as you were in the beginning.

If you’re nodding your head in agreement to the scenario above–trust me, you’re not alone. In my observation (from HR days) about 50% of people go through this exact cycle during their first, or second or even third jobs.

Because, when we’re in college and told to choose a major, we go with what we’re good at. If we like math, we choose to major in statistics or engineering. If our parents were doctors, we might go on the pre-med track. There isn’t much self-reflection or foresight that goes into selecting the path that launches our career. Especially not our dream career.

Which is why most of the time, we end up on this career cycle: excited-learning stops-feels stuck.

We end up in careers that either: (a) aren’t a good fit, or (b) don’t have a continuous learning loop.

And, then–most importantly–we don’t know how to fix it when we hit the “feeling stuck” phase. We scroll through job descriptions online, and mope to friends about how bored/unhappy/sad we are about our careers.

LAURA’S STORY: FROM FOUR PROMOTIONS TO FAKE SMILES

Laura, one of our rockstar Career Change Bootcamp Graduates and HTYC Podcast guest this week, experienced a similar career trajectory before she landed her dream career just a few weeks ago.

Growing up, Laura always knew that she was good at math. Coming from a family of engineers, she decided to follow a similar path. After college graduation, she was unsure about what she wanted her career path to be–like many early 20-somethings. So, she became an engineering consultant.

But, Laura always knew something wasn’t quite right.

A few years after she started her career, Laura went back to school again and got her Masters Degree with the sole intention of finding a career that fit her values. And, she did. She landed an awesome job as an environmental sustainability consultant at an innovative company.

For a while, it seems like she had it made.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF PRETENDING TO BE PASSIONATE AT WORK?

For me if I’m not learning I’m not engaged. I work with a lot of people who are passionate and I almost found myself having to pretend to be passionate when I wasn’t really feeling it, which was hard on me.

Fast forward eight and a half years later, and Laura found herself pasting on a fake smile each day, forcing herself to act excited about her work. She didn’t want to let down her direct reports (now 10 of them!), but her constant need to “fake happiness” was taking a toll on the rest of her life.

It took Laura three years (three whole years!) to finally come to terms with the fact that she needed to leave her job.

And, do you know why Laura sacrificed her happiness each day staying in a job she knew she didn’t like?

Because, she felt stuck.

Even though Laura had a stellar resume and an extremely strong work ethic, she felt like she wasn’t smart or experienced enough to find a new role.  On the podcast, Laura talks about the toll that “pretending to be passionate” at work had on her confidence levels.

When you are in a spot where you are unhappy and have been for awhile you lose some of your confidence of everything you’ve accomplished. From the outside someone looking at my resume would be impressed but I hated it. I wasn’t proud of anything I’d been doing because I wasn’t happy doing it.

Because, Laura’s mind kept convincing her that she wasn’t good enough; that she was going to stay in this job forever. Not only does it drain your energy to “pretend to be passionate” at work, but it actually tricks the mind into thinking that you’re not good enough for another role.

It made Laura ask that ill-fated question: “Is this really all that I have to look forward to in a career?”

GETTING YOUR CAREER CONFIDENCE STARTS WITH A LOT OF SELF-REFLECTION

When Laura first found us at Happen to Your Career, she had already taken action to start looking outside of herself for a new job by going to a career coach. Coincidentally, on her walk home from that session she found our podcast, and “binge-listened for about a week!”

At that time, Laura realized that she didn’t need to go through this process alone.

The thing that stuck was it was the first time I heard there were tools and processes to help me figure this out. I didn’t have to just look at job postings but I could do other types of work to think about what I wanted to do next.

That was in May of 2017. Seven months later, and she found her dream career!

Woah–not so fast though. Laura went through a lot of self-reflection, and dug deep to understand what that next step should be. During this process, Laura also began to get feedback, and collect “mini-wins” from her coaches, her friends, and many others to help rebuilt her identity.

At the beginning of her coaching sessions, Laura wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do in her next role. But, as she began to complete her self-assessment projects, she couldn’t contain her excitement. Laura couldn’t stop talking about how much fun she had completing these self-assessments (her husband might have gotten a crash course or two!).  She kept this idea in the back of her mind, but still had a lot of searching to do.

Interestingly, Laura already knew what kind of culture she wanted in a company. She loved having the flexibility of wearing jeans and working from home when she wanted to. Even more importantly, she knew that the office should have a ping-pong table in it–for what it represented about the office culture.

But, from her experience in her last job Laura knew that a cultural-fit wasn’t enough. She had to find the right role, not just the right people.

That’s where she kept getting stuck. She felt naive about all the types of jobs that were out there.

FINDING THE RIGHT NEXT STEP IS NOT A CHECK-THE-BOX EXERCISE

One of the first things Laura did to understand all the job opportunities she could have was to hold informational interviews.

She scheduled dozens of interviews with people in and out of her network–which was a growing experience in itself. Laura admits that this was one of the most challenging, but rewarding, parts of her coaching experience. She’s not necessarily a self-proclaimed extrovert. But hey, why not?

Laura met with tons of people who helped her understand what she did, and didn’t want in a role. Some of those conversations could have opened the door to a job. But, while it was tempting, Laura said no when she didn’t feel it was exactly right.

Until finally one day–she found it.

TO SECURE THAT DREAM JOB, YOU HAVE TO BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU

Laura learned quickly that she loves to prepare. For her informal interviews alone, she would do research and write prep questions for almost two hours each time!

But, when she finally found the perfect job opportunity, she realized that she just had to be herself.

With the help of her career coach, Lisa Lewis, Laura practiced some mock interviews and found that her answers sounded good on paper, but “boring” during the actual interview. So, she stopped preparing as intensely as she might have, and got herself in the zone.

It’s less important that you know how to answer a million behavior questions but get yourself in a headspace to be yourself and be confident in those conversations.

Laura ended up securing her dream job. But, not only that–she has completely transformed her mindset from disengaged and hopeless to optimistic and confident. Laura is thriving in her career, as a new mom, and constantly achieving new goals (heck yes, Yosemite!).

Most importantly, Laura’s realized that she didn’t have to go through this process alone. Here’s her last piece of advice for anyone else who might be in her shoes from a few months ago:

Particularly as someone who has been successful it was hard for me to say I could not do this by myself. I’m a smart person I should be able to figure this out. As soon as I had my first career coaching experience it completely turned around my approach to find a new job. It completely gave me the power back and the tools I needed. If you know exactly what you want to do, you probably aren’t listening to this podcast, but if you don’t know there are a lot of tools, and resources, and people out there that can help you. For me that made all the difference.

Laura Morrison 00:03
It took me a few months to look for outside help. And that was the thing that I needed. I think, particularly as someone who has been successful, it's hard to admit to myself, it was hard for me to say I couldn't do it by myself. You know, I'm smart person, I should be able to figure this out. But it completely turned around my approach to finding a new job.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:48
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. Now we can bring out all kinds of experts like Kathy Fettke, who helps people create space for themselves and make passive income, or people that have pretty amazing stories like Jenny, who went through our CCB program, and let go of other people's expectations to reframe her career search for a job she wanted. These are people that are just like you, only they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And today, we get to talk to Laura Morrison, another person who was an alumni of our Career Change Bootcamp program, and take a listen to what she does right now.

Laura Morrison 01:37
Yeah, so I'm really excited on Monday, actually. I'm starting a new role in Product Management at a company called the Predictive Index. And they do behavioral assessments with the goal of hiring the right people, and in their words, inspiring them to greatness. And what I'm really excited about that is, you know, someone like myself, who wasn't engaged as an employee, means I understand that pain. And so what I'm going to be doing now is actually helping people and companies inspire their employees through different tools and understanding more about the people. And that's really exciting for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:15
As you listen to this conversation with Laura, you're gonna find that we get pretty deep into how you can find your strengths, how you can learn about new career opportunities, and even options for your career, and even build relationships so that you can land, not just a job, not just even your dream job, but really a job that truly fits at a company that you're excited about. And I think you're gonna love that. Also, see how you getting outside help can often lead to your aha moments or your big breakthroughs and what that actually takes. And then you can learn that, as it turns out, you're not alone in your career change process, and how you can take some next steps there. All of these fundamentals that you can learn about yourself, and what you want in your life can not only help you land that next job and the role that actually fits, but also help you make pretty large changes for yourself, your family, and every everyone in your life in the future. It's pretty cool. So take a listen for all that plus more. You're also going to hear about a different way that you probably have heard of to approach the interview process that is much more genuine, than all of those, all the things that you think you're supposed to do in an interview, you'll see what I mean, as you listen.

Laura Morrison 03:33
I think this is a struggle for a lot of people. But you know, in high school, you have to figure out what you're going to major in, in college. And you don't really understand what any of that means. And so, for me, I was good at math, and I had some engineers in the family. So I went into engineering. And I did fine, but it always felt a little off to me and I couldn't quite figure out why. And I couldn't figure out what else I should be doing. So I stuck with it. And so I had, you know, college degree, master's degree, a few years in the work world in engineering consulting. And the whole time never really felt like it was a good fit for me. And so, you know, my first career pivot was actually into sustainability consulting. After a few years working, I went back to grad school with the goal of pivoting, and I landed myself at a really great company that I was at for eight and a half years. And I was excited about it, because sustainability is forward looking. So it was a startup feel company, which I was looking for. And I had a lot of freedom to grow really quickly. And so for a while, that felt like a good fit, and it felt like something I could be passionate about. And then over time, it just wasn't anymore. But again, I was in the same position that I had had kind of in college and beyond where I didn't know what else to do. And so I just kind of stuck with it kind of only half thinking about what else I could be doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:06
So I'm super curious about, first of all, what do you feel like changed? Because I mean, you were excited about at one point.

Laura Morrison 05:15
Yeah. I think in the beginning, a new challenge is always exciting. And then I think, in that eight and a half years, I have four different roles. And the new challenges and the new role were exciting. But the length of excitement I had from just learning something new kept getting shorter and shorter. So I think that's one thing that changed. And then by the end, I didn't actually feel like I was learning that much anymore. And for me, that if I'm not learning, I'm not engaged. And I work with a lot of people who are really passionate, and I almost found myself having to pretend to be passionate, when I wasn't really feeling it. So that was pretty hard on me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:00
That's interesting. What was that, like? Clearly, it was difficult, but feeling like you had to pretend to be passionate.

Laura Morrison 06:12
Yeah, it was tough. You know, by the end of this past role, I had 10 people reporting to me, a lot of them were early in their career. And I wanted to do a good job of inspiring them. But because I wasn't inspired myself, it made me feel like I was being inauthentic to kind of hide the part of myself that wasn't engaged, that wasn't super passionate about our work anymore. And so it just, it basically zapped all my energy, where I would kind of put on this kind of extroverted, fake smile at work every day, and then come home and be unhappy.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:54
Do you remember when you started to realize that?

Laura Morrison 06:58
Oh, I hate to admit this, but it was probably three years ago. And, you know, at the time, our company was going through some management changes. And, you know, there are other life things going on, you know, I was trying to start a family. And all that combined was just exhausting. And so I think I knew that it wasn't a good fit. And I've known that for a long time. But again, without knowing what to do next, or even how to think about what to do next, I just felt really stuck.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:30
That is... I think that is one of the biggest problems that many people have, especially high achieving people that had gotten into a role similar to you where they were excited about at one point, and they have lots of responsibilities. And you know, something's changed along the way. But you don't necessarily know what to do next. What were some of the things that you considered or tried? Because you've been thinking about this for years. About making a change and doing something, but it sounds like kept coming back to that point, where not entirely sure what to do next. So what were some of the things that you considered or thought about or tried along the way?

Laura Morrison 08:18
Yeah, you know, it's, a lot of it was staying within the sustainability field. It took me probably a couple years of passive looking and talking to people to figure out that there weren't roles in that field that I was interested in. So I looked at, you know, what does it mean to do my role, but not as a consultant, but embedded within a product organization, for instance. And I talked to, you know, I would go to sustainability, networking events and talk to people in those roles, and I just wasn't getting the excitement. I think it excited me for a little bit. And then a lot of the reason that didn't work is a lot of those kind of product manufacturing companies aren't based in Boston, and I wanted to be in Boston, so it kind of took a lot opportunity off the table. And I guess the other thing I tried to do is look internally. So at my own company, we do sell, or my old company, I guess, we do sell software. And I talked to a bunch of people for a couple years about product management in the software that we sell. So that's basically the role I'm taking in a new company, but I was talking about doing it at my old company. And, you know, the team, the software team was in Germany, so and it was also having a lot of trouble. So it just never really worked out. You know, I talked about doing more marketing at my old company, and again, the marketing team was having some struggles. So it wasn't, it really wasn't gonna work out. I think maybe if I had stayed another year, I could have pivoted in my existing organization into one of those roles. But, you know, at that point I was ready to actually just kind of make the jump and leave the company.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:07
What made you feel ready to be able to make the jump? And what actually took place? Was it just the combination of all those conversations and realizing, "hey, it's not gonna happen here."? Or was it something else? What made you feel like, "hey, at that point, I was just ready to leave."

Laura Morrison 10:26
You know, I think what... I think I knew I was ready to leave for a long time. But what actually made me take the steps to leave is a little bit different. And so, you know, I was on maternity leave for seven, eight months or so. And I met a lot of working moms as part of that, and had a lot of career conversations with them. And one of them recommended to me a career coach who was based in Boston, who's an older woman who'd been working at Radcliffe for, you know, years and years, and had her own private practice. And I actually finally decided to kind of invest in career coaching. And so I had one session with this woman, and I had like a mile and a half walk home. And the thing that really stuck with me is that it was the first time I'd ever heard that there were tools and processes to help me figure this out, that I didn't have to just think about it and look at job postings, but that I could do other types of work to think about what I wanted to do next. And she said something to me about, I can't recommend a book for you, it's very personal. But find a book you want to read about career change. And that's your first bit of homework. And my reaction was, I don't like reading, really. But I love podcasts. And I had this mile and a half walk home where I was really excited. And I found your podcast. And so I listened to it on my way home. And then I kind of binge listened to it for a week, which I think the point where we talked for the first time, and all of a sudden I heard all these stories and tools about things that I could do that didn't... it was okay that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I could still take steps to figure out what I could do next.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:07
That is interesting. You know, I didn't actually realize that's how it happened. That is fantastic. And now, not that long later, you're on the podcast. And...

Laura Morrison 12:18
Yeah, one of my personal goals.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:21
Yeah, check. Before we hit record you were talking about, you built this list of national parks that you wanted to go see, and you just basically went to Yosemite. So now you've got several things checked off the list. Way to go.

Laura Morrison 12:36
It's awesome. Thank you. Feels good.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:39
Absolutely. So I have so many questions, because I think that there's so much for other people to learn too, that are in that same space or have been in that same space where they aren't sure what to do and want to know what to do next. And you were kind enough to bring us along for the ride and allow us to sit co-pilot on this journey. And it's been a bit of whirlwind. How long did it take from when you found the podcast to accepting a job offer?

Laura Morrison 13:11
Oh, boy. Okay. I think it was probably April or May that we first talked and I accepted a job offer about a month ago. So whatever that math is...

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:25
I was trying to do the calendar math, too. Is it about...

Laura Morrison 13:30
Six to nine months probably, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:32
Yeah. Right in seven-ish months someplace. And what... you started listening to the podcast, had this realization that hey, there are things that I can do. And then you talked to us, and you ended up joining career change boot camp, and we started getting the opportunity to be able to help you along the way. That was just the beginning. I am curious in going through this process, what were some of the apprehensions that you had, as you said about growing and figuring out, "Hey, here's what I might want to do. And then ultimately, moving through each step."

Laura Morrison 14:23
Yeah, I think, I mean, the biggest apprehension, I think, is that what you don't realize is when you're in a spot, where you're unhappy, and you've been unhappy for a while, you lose some of your confidence about everything that you've accomplished. So, you know, from the outside, someone looking at my resume would be impressed. But I was looking at it, and I hated it. Right? I wasn't proud of anything that I had been doing, because I wasn't happy doing it. And that didn't mean I didn't understand that it, there were some impressive things on there. It just didn't feel like me. And it didn't feel impressive to me, because I didn't enjoy the process of doing it. And so I think a lot of that lack of confidence is like tied into kind of the anxiety of trying to figure it out. Right? What if there is nothing for me? What if I'm always unhappy at a job? And I think there is this whole mentality out there that that's normal to kind of be unhappy in your job. And I was trying to get to the point where I was maybe resigned to that being the case. I also think, you know, in the process, I had my daughter and I took a lot of time off. And that will, you know, maybe I want to be a stay at home mom. And I quickly realized that, kudos to everyone who does, but it's not for me, I need a lot more adult conversation, a lot more intellectual stimulation from my work. And so that was like another kind of thing I explored, I guess, job I explored, that wasn't the right fit. But there's a lot of emotion tied into all of that, right? It's not just, unfortunately, it's not just the check the box exercise...

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:10
It would be so much easier for well, as it works out.

Laura Morrison 16:12
It's so much easier. Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:15
We probably wouldn't have this podcast if it was as simple as that.

Laura Morrison 16:18
That's right. So that was a big apprehension for me. Going through the course, you know, the first few weeks are a lot about self reflection. And I love that. And actually, part of the funny story about my new job is that as I was doing strengthsfinder, in Career Change Bootcamp, I was kind of talking my husband's ear off about how I loved behavioral assessments and how I wish I could talk about them all day. And, man, I wish that was a job. And then you know, a few months later, I found basically that job, which is pretty awesome. But then, you know, you get into the part where you really have to be vulnerable. And you have to kind of go and talk to people and try to meet new people. And there was definitely a lot of apprehension around that as well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:04
So it's, first of all, I love and I've heard variations of that story so many times, and it just makes me so happy that we get to be a part of any of those stories where in this case, you, at one point, were talking your husband's ear off about, "Hey, I just love this self assessment type thing. And it would be super cool if I could do something like this and be able to be immersed in this world all day." And then now you're going to be and absolutely love that. And I'm so proud of you for going from that end to the completely opposite end. Because that's not an easy thing to do as we're going to talk about. That said, what was most difficult as you started flipping from the internal and reflection side, which is often the way that we'll work with our students and clients, we will go through those internal side and really get the best hypothesis of what's going to be great for you. But then at some point you have to flip into, okay, how does this match up with the rest of the world? As you were going through that section, what was hardest for you?

Laura Morrison 18:25
You know, I think I had this idea of the company culture I wanted, right? I'm a casual person. I like wearing jeans to work. I like flexible hours and you know, wanted a ping pong table in my office, which is just kind of a funny indication of the type of culture I was looking for, right. And... but I didn't know what work I wanted to do, right? So it's great to have a good company culture and I had that before, but it's not enough because I wanted to work that was actually exciting to me as well. So that was the hardest part is to think about the work, but also as you and Lisa would keep pointing out as, figure out the work later, like you just have to start somewhere, start talking to people, start learning about what other people do. And I think for me a huge mental barrier, as well is that I felt really naive about what type of jobs are out there. And I felt insecure about how little I knew about what other job opportunities were out there. And so the process of having to talk to people about what they do and what it actually means, as well as continuing to listen to the podcasts where people were sharing stories about the work they do. That step in itself just really helped me understand what opportunities there were, even though some of them I dismissed pretty quickly. Yeah. Does that answer your question?

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:50
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's a common thing. And I've heard that quite a bit of feeling naive about what types of jobs are out there. And I think that, I don't think anybody knows all the types of jobs that are out there. We've got exposure to a whole bunch of them just because of the nature of the type of work that we do. But...

Laura Morrison 20:15
I've got to say, Scott, maybe you know all the jobs that are out there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:18
Not all the jobs but...

Laura Morrison 20:19
Yeah, exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:22
No, it would be... that even might be easier if we did to help people in that way. But if only there was a list, that's another thing. If only there was a list, I could just go through and pick and it isn't that easy, because even if we knew all the types of jobs, there's still other elements and other variables that come into play. And it becomes this somewhat complex problem of picking out the variables that are most useful and relatable and relevant to you and how you work. And I'm curious, what was it about this process of going and talking to people because from getting to know you just a little bit through the program and having chatted a couple of times, and having had the pleasure of helping you negotiate. It seems like you benefit a lot from conversation.

Laura Morrison 21:16
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I think, you know, one of the, I'll go back to that kind of first session I had with this woman who's local to Boston, this career coach, and her approach was a bit different than yours. And I didn't love it, because she wanted me to read a book about each career option, which as I mentioned, not the best way for me to learn, it also is a big time commitment. And she wanted me to do that before I talked to anyone, because I, you know, when you talk to people, you're taking up some of their time, and you want to be knowledgeable about what you're asking. So that didn't feel great for me, of course, I could have done it. But I wasn't excited about it. But I know that I learn best by talking to people. And the opportunity to talk to all these people in different roles, added a ton of value to me, I think, one I got to see a little bit about company culture, depending on if people were willing to talk to me or not, which is kind of a funny thing. And I also will, now always talk to someone who's looking and wants to talk to me, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:25
It changes that perspective, doesn't it?

Laura Morrison 22:26
It does. Yeah, and I was actually hiring someone as I was looking to be hired right in my current role. And so it put a different lens on it. But, you know, I think I was really nervous about talking to people about making sure that I had something intelligent to say or had good questions to ask. So I did a lot of preparation, which is kind of my style to over prepare, when I'm anxious about something. So...

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:53
What type of preparation would you do or you're gonna...

Laura Morrison 22:55
Yeah, well, I'd looked at their LinkedIn profile. And I would come up with a list of questions that I wanted to talk to them about. And for people who don't know, I mean, the idea is like a 15 minute phone call, which is really not a lot of questions. But I would have probably 10 for every person I talked to, and I would try to make them personal. And I would try to make sure I knew where they went to school, what common interests we had, anything like that, that could help me relate to them. Because while I really like working with people, I have trouble with that kind of first introduction part. I get really nervous, like walking into a room and introducing myself to someone new. But if someone introduced me to that person, I'm very comfortable. So there's this kind of hurdle that I needed to get over to be able to have all those conversations where I could ask these questions. And I literally would ask questions, and sometimes they would ask about me or ask how they could help me. But most of the time, they just told me about what they did, day to day, and I think I talked to probably 20 to 25 people. And that's a lot. That's a lot of kind of time and hours to learn about what other people do. And it made me feel less naive, right, about what all the opportunities are, it made me feel much more empowered to make a decision about different types of roles that could be a good fit for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:20
What were some of the things that you learned through that portion of the process?

Laura Morrison 24:25
Yeah, I think I learned that, for me, that my network and using people I actually knew to get connected was really helpful, that the cold calling part was hard for me. And I would, so what I would do during these conversations is I would take notes, and then I would go back and read through them and highlight, kind of, the pieces that resonated with me. And one of the questions that I really liked asking was kind of, what makes you great at your job. And then when I would hear people say, things that I'm interested in, you know, can relate to people, kind of ability to make decisions quickly, without all the information. Yeah, just kind of a list of things that resonated with me, or that I was excited about and kind of highlight those. And then I would see that, you know, the product management role actually could be a really good fit for me, because all of these people are saying things that I'm good at. And that I enjoy doing, which is also, I think, something I learned through the process. Maybe not through those phone calls, specifically, but through the whole Career Change Bootcamp, is that there's a big difference between things you're good at and things you enjoy. Sometimes they're the same, but they're not always the same.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:46
Yes, very much. And we're absolutely encouraging people that center in and lean into those that happened to fall into both categories. And it sounds like... it was interesting for me, going back because you were working primarily with one of our coaches, Lisa Lewis, I would get tidbits, she would either send me an email, or you would cc me on something and get tidbits into what was going on in the different steps along the way. And I would say that it wasn't necessarily always an easy road for you.

Laura Morrison 26:31
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:32
I'm curious what you felt like were some of the most challenging parts. And I know, we chatted just a little bit before we hit the record button here. But I'm particularly curious about what you'd mentioned to me about going into a role. And getting out of that, because I think that that is real, that's human. And to some degree, we all do that sort of thing. So tell us about that and then what worked for you.

Laura Morrison 27:02
Yeah, you know, I think having a program that I was following was really important to me, because I needed the homework. And I needed to check the boxes as I went through the weeks. And where I spent the most time was in this test drive method, right, is having these phone calls. And so what would happen is I'd spend, you know, two to four hours, and I'd research all these people. And I'd get introduced, and I set up phone calls. And then all of a sudden, I'd have, you know, four phone calls in one week that I was trying to juggle with you know, naptime on Fridays, and work time Monday through Thursday. And I'd have like, get it all in and get... have the conversations that take the notes up great. I send follow up emails and follow up thank you notes. And then after doing four or five of those in a few weeks, between the scheduling and the talking and the follow up, I was just tired, right? And so like, okay, I did that. I know, I'm supposed to have three more phone calls this week. But I didn't have any lined up. I didn't even know who the next people that were going to be talking to were. And so I would often then kind of have a week or two where in the back of my head, I would know I would need to do that again. But maybe I would take a break and go on vacation. I'd say that I was too busy. Or sometimes I would do some of the other homework that I felt more comfortable in. Some of the internal stuff like going back to my signature strengths or even skipping ahead to look and think about my resume. And I think you know what got me to keep going back, I think one like I said is having this course where I knew I had other things I needed to do. Knowing that I was accountable to Lisa, my coach, but I think for the first time really being accountable to myself to get this done and a lot of it was just like, alright, I don't want to do this right now. But I'm going to suck it up. And I'm going to sit down. And I'm going to spend four hours on a Saturday working on this and moving forward. And then you get another flurry of phone calls and follow ups and scheduling. Right? And then it kind of happened in many cycles like that, I would say.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:20
AAnd it kind of sounds like almost the flurry of phone calls and scheduling and everything that came along with it was almost the dose of motivation to keep going or to pull you back in to some degree. Am I reading that right? Or how did you feel about those? Because it sounds like you're...

Laura Morrison 29:40
Yeah, it's a little bit of both. I think a lot of it is, those conversations were really energizing for me. But I would still leave them being like, well, I still don't know where I'm going to work next. So I'm happy that I'm talking to all these people. I'm learning all these things, but I didn't see the end goal. And so I think I tend to be... push myself to be more extroverted than I am. And so I think there was an element of those conversations that was draining for me as well. So it's a little bit of both, but knowing that the conversations are good, made it easy to be like, okay, I took a week off, let's get some more on the calendar.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22
Very cool. And with those conversations, and initially, as you went into those conversations, you'd said, hey, I still don't know where this is going to end up leading. And clearly that was uncomfortable for you. And there is some of that discomfort type reality that when you're going through and trying to identify what is a great situation for you, and what is a great career opportunity for you, that there... sometimes it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, no matter whether you have a system and whether, you know, we've had many other people go through it before. It's still when you're in the thick of it can be challenging. So what point did you start to see that light come back?

Laura Morrison 31:11
Yeah, it's interesting, because I, you know, there were a couple people I spoke with, and their companies were interesting, and they have job openings, and they were offering to help me get my resume in the door. And I kind of said no, right, I said, you know, I'm not sure this is the wrong fit. But I'm not sure it's the right fit yet. And I don't want to apply to something I'm not super excited about. So like, I need some time, I need to figure that out. And that was hard to do as well, because I wasn't particularly happy. The idea of an end was tempting, right? An end, that could be really cool and I'm sure it would be a great opportunity, but maybe didn't hit the lifestyle choices I wanted or the day to day work that I wanted. But so I think what changed is that when I started talking to people at PI, I was not just excited about the company, or the people, but all of a sudden, the role sounded exciting, too. And I talked to a lot of people there. And they were, like everyone I talked to, was so willing to give me their time. And they're, kind of, openly tell me about what the day to day was. And I just, it was such a great group of people. I mean, I got introduced through a friend of a friend and the kind of head of marketing they're, like, easily handed me three more names of people I could talk to on the team. And that in itself was kind of an indication to me of how generous kind of the culture is. Because when you're busy, and of course, startups and everyone is busy, right, especially at a startup culture, and when they're willing to not just give you their time, but also time with their team members and other colleagues. I think that says a lot about the company. So all of those things combined, started getting me excited about a job at PI specifically, which was kind of the light at the end of the tunnel but then also of course a little stressful because if that's... after all this and I've talked to all these people, if that's the job and the company I'm excited about and I'm putting kind of some eggs in that basket that puts a lot of pressure on myself to hope that it works out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:32
Yeah, and I remember that switch flipping there, where you sent me the email and Lisa too and said, "Okay, I found this company that I want. And now what?"

Laura Morrison 33:44
How do I get it? Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:47
And what did you end up doing? Fill in that's part of the story for people because essentially at this point, as I understand it, this was your number one company at the time, where it's like hey, I like this, I want this. Let's make this happen. So what happened at that point?

Laura Morrison 34:08
Well, I think, you know, a lot of the conversation that I had with you and with Lisa was really helpful to say a couple things, you know, I think you were really helping me understand the right way to approach the conversation, how to continue to build a partnership to really actually make sure that I wasn't... like that I was actually excited about the role while building this partnership and relationships with the hiring manager there. And I think what Lisa did as well was, you know, I mentioned before that, because I wasn't super happy with the work I was doing before, it made it hard for me to feel confident in myself. And so she really helped me kind of remind me that I had a lot to bring to the table, and that I would be a good fit, not just for me, but also for the company that I could do a lot for them. And because I'm so passionate about it, that's, you know, one of the reasons that I'd be a good fit there. I mean, the PI whole thing is about engaging employees, right. And when people are engaged, they bring a lot more to the table. And so being able to be myself and show how authentically interested I was was kind of the primary thing that I focused on through the hiring process.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:30
How do you recommend, having just been through this, I think what you just described is very difficult in terms of being able to be yourself or at least be confident enough to be yourself through that hiring process and share that part because it is some level of vulnerability. Right. But, what advice would you have to other people that are getting ready to go through that or are going through that?

Laura Morrison 35:59
Yeah, you know, I think if you found a role that really does line up with what you're looking for, and something you're excited about, and the strengths you bring to the table, then it's much less important that you know how to answer a million behavioral questions. And much more important that you get yourself in a headspace to be yourself and be the competent version of yourself in those conversations. It's a lot easier to say than it is to do, right. And I think Lisa, maybe had a tip, I can't remember if it was you, Scott, or Lisa about you know, listen to a song before your interview that gets you pumped up, or I think Lisa said, watch a video of your daughter, like, just do yoga, go running in the morning, do something that calms you down, right. Or if you're a calm person that hypes you up whichever way. And I think that was really valuable advice. And I think I did a mock interview with Lisa. And I had prepared all these answers. And I've been, kind of, I like writing. So I write down a lot of things that sound great on paper. And then as soon as you try to say them, you kind of stumble over it and it doesn't come out, right. And she was pointing out to me that I would switch from myself to like the interview version of myself. And the interview version of myself is much more boring. And so just that in itself, like after that I actually kind of stopped preparing for the interview, and started thinking more about how can I be myself with these people? Like I had been on the phone calls, because I was comfortable there. So how do I go into an interview and figure out how to just be myself?

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:52
That is suitable. And I'll even distinguish, you mentioned earlier, being the confident version of yourself. And that is... that I think is a small but critical distinction too. Because we can go through, as humans, all of these head games where it's just like, I'm just not competent anymore, or I'm just not a confident person anymore, or whatever else. But I don't think that that is true. And I don't think that is helpful for any of us to be able to tell ourselves because we all have just like you pointed out a place where we can be a competent version of ourselves. And that's the both genuine plus helpful version to be. So that's interesting that you started preparing for focusing more on being yourself rather than focusing on doing the "right thing."

Laura Morrison 38:47
Yeah, definitely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:50
Okay, so we just covered a lot of ground here over seven months. How does that feel looking back? Does that feel like a long time? Does it feel super quick? I'm always curious about that.

Laura Morrison 39:03
You know, I think I had a goal for myself starting in January that I'd have a new job by the end of this calendar year. So that's exciting, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:12
And you did it.

Laura Morrison 39:13
I did it and I set that goal. And I was like God, years a long time. So it's a little bit of both, it's in the trenches, it felt like a long time, I knew it wasn't going to be a month, right, two months. I knew that I needed to do a lot of the searching internally to figure out what I was looking for before I could find it. So I think, you know, parts of those seven months or so felt long. Usually, actually, the parts where I wasn't alone and wasn't doing much, I think, for me action and moving towards the direction speeds things up, or at least made me feel better about the time that it was taking. But now looking back on it, I mean, the difference from where I am today, versus where I was at the end of the year is incredible, not just in the fact that I have a new job. But my mentality about my career, about my potential in a career, kind of the optimism that I gained through the process, yeah, it feels very different in a very good way.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:35
So what is... it is a completely different place. And it's been super cool for us to be able to see some of those changes along the way. But what do you feel like that is meant for you, other than some of the additional optimism that you have going into 2018 here, what do you feel like that's meant for you?

Laura Morrison 40:42
Oh, it means a lot. You know, I think, having just had a daughter, which is amazing. Of course, she's almost two now, I guess I can't say just anymore. I think for moms, in general, that you tend to shift all your focus away from yourself, and now on to this kind of little creature that you brought into the world. And it's amazing, but it's also really hard to find time for yourself, to take care of yourself. And I think for me, the career part is what I put most on hold. And again, because I didn't know what I wanted to do. But partly because I felt hard. And I was focused on something else. So now to be able to be kind of a mom when I'm home. But then the idea of going to work and being happy at work too. It's all... it's just a very different way. Yeah, it just feels very different. Right? If you're going to leave your house, leave your kid with someone else, you'd hope that you're doing something fun while you're out of the house. Right. And that's something that I really didn't have. And now, I'm really optimistic that I'll have that going forward. And I'm also optimistic that now, it won't take me three years if I am unhappy again in the future.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:06
That is, you know, when we get the opportunity to work with people, I know that that is what, initially people are very focused on, the change that's now. I think personally, having done this for a while and being able to witness a lot of changes. I think that's the most valuable part in the long run is just knowing how and having the confidence to be able to make changes for when something else in life changes. Because it will, I mean, it absolutely will. And it's going to be something, that's going to be, you know, a promotion opportunity, or it's going to be, I don't know, your boss leaves or there's going to be something there, right?

Laura Morrison 42:53
Right. Of course.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:54
And that is so cool that you feel prepared for when that happens the next time around.

Laura Morrison 43:01
Absolutely. And I think that's where some of the optimism comes from. I feel empowered to kind of be in charge of my career again.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:10
Woohoo. I didn't have anything else to say that is what I wanted to add right then and there. That is amazing. I am so proud of you. And Lisa, so proud of you. And we've shared your story with our team already. We do that behind the scenes for every single person that ends up hitting their goals or getting the results that they wanted to, we share that around on, we use Slack for Team communication. So we have a woohoo channel. That's where your story got shared as soon as it happened. So woohoo to you too, and now you get to share in that as well. And you have just done a phenomenal job. And before we wrap it up, I'm curious for... if you're reaching way back to a year ago, where you resolved that and you made the commitment, hey, look, I want to... this is the year. I've been thinking about this for a couple of years now. And now I'm gonna do something about it. This is the year. What advice would you give to people that are in that spot that are just setting down this path to be able to make the change?

Laura Morrison 44:18
Yeah, I think, you know, it took me a few months to look for outside help. And that was the thing that I needed. I think, particularly as someone who has been successful, it's hard to admit to myself, it was hard for me to say I couldn't do it by myself. You know, I'm smart person, I should be able to figure this out. But as soon as I, you know, had my first career coaching experience, it completely turned around my approach to finding a new job. And it completely gave me the power back and the tools that I needed to do it. So I think, you know, if you know exactly what you want to do, well you're probably not listening to this podcast. But if you don't, just know that there are a lot of tools and resources and people out there who can help you. And for me, that made all the difference.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:12
That is amazing. Well, I am so glad that it did. Thank you for letting us hang along for the ride and getting to help you at every little point, it was a ton of fun.

Laura Morrison 45:23
Yeah, thanks, Scott. And you and Lisa, and the whole team has been a pleasure to work with. And I, like I said, I've been talking to everyone about your program. And I just think the best of the work that you do and the tools that you put out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:36
Well, we very much appreciate that. Thank you for spreading the good word. And keep it up. Do not let us stop yet. That is phenomenal. Laura, thank you so very much. And congratulations, again, moving into your new role. That is amazing.

Laura Morrison 45:53
Thank you, Scott. I really appreciate it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 45:56
Hey, if you loved that story from Laura, well, if you're interested in the same type of change, we actually have, as of right now, we've just recently opened up Career Change Bootcamp 2.0. And we've made some massive improvements to the program. It's the same coaching program that Laura went through, as she made all of her changes. And we got the pleasure of helping her make a massive difference in her life and ultimately get to the company that she really wanted to be with, and the role that is super exciting for her. Check it out on our website, just go to happenyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp or drop us an email support@happentoyourcareer.com and we'll help you figure out if the program is right for you. And I really appreciate everybody going over, leaving us ratings and reviews on places like stitcher and iTunes and I'm so appreciative. This one actually comes from M Wills, "I listened to a great variety of podcasts. And Scott's HTYC is up there with shows that I hate to miss or must catch up with." And thank you so much for leaving those five stars because that helps other people, not just find the show, but ultimately get to work that they really love. We've got even more in store for you coming up next week, which we have a return guest on the podcast somebody you haven't heard from for a while, but I think you're going to love. Alright, let's see what we got coming up right here.

Mark Sieverkropp 47:28
My daughter is nine. And she comes home from school and no joke. This is the conversation we have, like, everyday, "Dad, can I take my shoes off?" "Yeah, go ahead." "Dad, can I go to the bathroom?" "Yeah." "Dad, can I get something to eat?" "Brooklyn Just do it. Like just go do it. You don't need my permission to do everything. Now if you want to go play in a busy street, please ask me first. But you don't have to ask for these things." And so I think it really is like we're trained in school and we're trained in society that there's authority figures and we have to let somebody else tell us what we can do.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:57
All that and plenty more next week right here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you then. Until then. I am out. Adios.

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Is Your Fear of Other’s Expectations Holding You Back From Living Your Most Authentic Life?

Why does the term “live authentically” seem like it’s been popping up everywhere these days?

In fact, if you just Google it,  only 2.47 Million results appear ( if you can’t tell, I’m dripping with sarcasm).

But, why do we all have this urge to “live an authentic life” in the first place?

Well first, let’s take a step back. What does “living authentically” actually mean? According to a quick Google search:

Even more simply put, living authentically:

“…IS ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE”

While that sounds nice (and can make for a fancy facebook post–I know you’ve seen them) it’s actually a lot harder to achieve in real life than one might think. And, it turns out that if we thought it was difficult to be ourselves around our friends and family, it feels near impossible to do be our real, authentic selves in our careers.

Especially in the beginning. I mean, why do you think that a whole style of “behavioral style interviewing” has popped up so that companies feel like they need to extract the truth from us…just to find out if we’re a “fit” or not? Worse yet, why do we feel like we need to play the part of a different person just to get that job in the first place?

Then, when we finally get hired, we’re surprised–and now expected to be this person that we were during the interview process (hint: definitely not “living authentically”).

Talk about a recipe for unhappiness!

SO, WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD TO BE OUR TRUE SELVES AT ALL TIMES?

Well ultimately, it comes down to fear.

Since most of us feel like we have to behave like one person when we’re at work, and a difference person when we’re, that in itself creates a social expectation. if you want to be yourself at all times, you’re bucking the trend.

Because, in our world today it’s  not “normal” to be get paid be who you are, using your true strengths instead of just the skills you’ve picked up in various roles along the way.

But, you want to know the weirdest part? By resisting being your most authentic self at all times because of fear, we are ensuring that we stay unhappy by default.

JENNY’S STORY: FINDING A ROLE THAT USES HER GIFTS–NOT JUST FULFILLS EXPECTATIONS

It’s been on my new year’s wish list for about three years to find a new job. It’s taken a while. I’ll be transitioning into a new role helping to develop a science and sustainability program at a university near where I live.

Jenny

Meet Jenny.

Jenny has had no shortage of accomplishments in her life. With a Stanford BA, a science PhD, and a successful track record in several different fields, Jenny is a highly intelligent, rapid learner (not to mention an amazing mother of 2 kids!) and basically, an all around a rockstar. But, three years ago Jenny came to the conclusion that her role as a research scientist wasn’t a great fit. She knew something had to change.

She started slowly (very slowly) on a journey that would ultimately completely change her life–and in the end align her career with who she was as a person.

There was only one problem: During the first 18 months of Jenny’s job search, she found that she was moving so slowly, she was actually stuck.

That’s because Jenny was making her decisions based on fear and what other people might think, instead of what she knew was right for her.

You can listen to Jenny’s entire story, and hear exactly how she began to believe she really could create a new career identity for herself based on the things she couldn’t stop doing.

I didn’t want to let down my family, which is full of scientists and academics, my advisor, my professors, my peers, other women in science, particularly I felt like I needed to live up to the expectations to fulfill the investment I and they have made in this research track.

It was in that exact moment of considering the many people involved in her current career path that Jenny realized she wasn’t going to make the change she need to make alone. In Jenny’s search, she stumbled upon the Happen to Your Career podcast, ultimately enrolling in our Career Change Bootcamp program.

When we first started to work with Jenny, we helped her to identify what her “gifts” were. Essentially, Jenny had to figure out what were the areas she naturally gravitated to, but maybe didn’t value or couldn’t use fully in her current role.

During that process, Jenny realized that the “people” side of the equation (i.e. how she related to others, built relationships with others or worked through the complexities that people bring) was where she flourished. But, this was the exact opposite side of the table from where she spent most of her time at work. Science roles really do often fit the stereotype of solitary data crunching, analyzing, and writing.

This was a huge insight for me, in my science role in my home agency I was not rewarded in the metrics of contributing to complex problem solving efforts. I’m rewarded for the number of scientific papers I publish in journals on scientific results. The more I got involved in the people side of the equation and the relationships and collaboration the less time I was investing in completing and writing up and publishing results.

This insight led Jenny to realize that her ideal role would be somewhere that allowed her to use her love of science and experience in the field, but at an organization that specifically valued and highlighted her ability to work with well with a wide variety of people and problems.

BUT, HOW COULD JENNY TRANSLATE HER GIFTS INTO A CAREER THAT FIT HER VALUES?

The good news: Since Jenny hadn’t been getting rewarded for her strengths in her day job, she had been searching for other ways to fulfill her passions.

So, Jenny began volunteering occasionally for organizations and events such as the local museums, schools, and universities’ children’s science programs. Through that process, she identified that places that had the intersection of people AND science could be a fit for her.

She began to strategically put herself out there in small but genuine ways, using her natural gifts – getting reinforcement and positive feedback.

This allowed Jenny to prove to herself that her strengths really could be useful in a different role –rather than somewhat of a liability as she had been led to believe in past roles. Also, her volunteering experience allowed her get to know people in key positions within several organizations she was interested in.

As she began having success connecting with people who had the authority to hire her (or even create a position for her!), Jenny ran into an issue. She began to worry about her supervisor and coworkers finding out from someone else that she was looking. And questioning or outright criticizing her desire to transition from an excellent research job that she “should” appreciate and perform well in.

Since Jenny was unwilling to allow this to happen, this new fear nearly brought her journey to a standstill once again.

WHAT IF YOUR BOSS COULD SUPPORT YOU DURING YOUR CAREER CHANGE?

The first time I pitched her the idea that her boss could help her through this process, instead of prevent it Jenny flat out told me, it wasn’t going to happen. She was terrified!

Eventually though, she warmed up to the idea–especially when a role opened up that she thought might be an amazing fit…and she felt like she had no other options than to be clear about her goals.

So, we coached her through the process of exactly how to have a conversation with her boss so that he would not just understand her situation, but actively be willing to support her in making this change.

This courageous and genuine discussion with her supervisor ultimately enabled her to get his endorsement on changing jobs outside the organization–even if it was almost 9 months before it actually happened.

With another barrier lifted, it became easier for her to put more energy and effort into finding a career that matched her gifts and values.

JUST WHEN YOU START TO GAIN MOMENTUM…THAT’S WHERE IT REALLY GETS HARD

Now that Jenny was much more confident in what she wanted for her career, she knew what she needed to do in order to pursue the role that she wanted. This ultimately made it possible to recognize a great opportunity for her when she saw it,…but she wasn’t out of the woods yet.

Jenny did amazing work connecting with colleagues whose roles in science outreach and education intrigued her, at a University she was interested in. Eventually she secured an interview for a position that sounded like it would play to many of her strengths. But, Jenny decided that didn’t want to go through the entire interview process  only to accept  a job that still might not be a great fit.

This realization meant that Jenny had to get hired for who she was, not someone she thought she “should be” during the interview process.

She began working with Lisa Lewis, a coach on our team, to practice interviewing authentically. It was important for Jenny to show potential employers exactly who she really was as a person AND cause them to want her even more. With Lisa’s encouragement, Jenny finally gained the confidence that highlighting her true personality and values during interviews would be more effective than trying to present herself as an ideal, but not fully “real”, candidate.

Jenny ended up getting the job offer.

It wasn’t a perfect offer though.

HOW TO MODIFY YOUR JOB OFFER TO REFLECT WHAT  YOU REALLY WANT

Most people don’t realize that it’s not just about having the perfect negotiation conversation and “saying the right things” at the right time to get the offer you really want.

Instead, it was all of the work Jenny had done clarifying what she truly wanted, building authentic relationships, and preparing for the interview in an honest way that enabled her to be in a prime position to ask for something quite a bit different than what the initial offer.

By the way: I’ve had many people tell me that when you work at a University there’s no room for negotiation or it’s “impossible” to get exceptions made for you. We’ve found that’s not the case–instead those people just don’t know how to do it any differently and end up accepting that reality for themselves.

As you know, Jenny didn’t accept their offer at face value. Even though it was outside her comfort zone, she  pushed herself to have multiple conversations to ensure she was getting what was most important to her. Again, she was amazed at how right HTYC turned out to be: asking for what you want and need can lead to actually getting it!

In the end, Jenny happily accepted a revised offer with greater flexibility in the schedule,increased compensation, and a start date delayed by 2 months to allow a smooth transition from her previous job and also a very important family vacation overseas!

After what was nearly a 3 year journey, Jenny had some advice for you if you’re getting ready to make a career change:

Trust your own instincts on what feels like a good fit for you and try not to stay too attached to that investment and identity that doesn’t feel like a good fit any longer. People do change and evolve and I keep reminding myself that new phases of our identities is what keeps life interesting.We can make a bigger difference in the world for the better if we allow those changes to happen rather than fighting them.

Jenny 00:02
Even as a graduate student, researcher, and teaching assistant I had a lot of challenges, sort of, prioritizing when do I grade papers and meet with students who are struggling versus when do I pursue my own research and write proposals and papers. And so, my conclusion after, sort of, testing it out as a graduate student was, I’m not sure I could do this full-time as a professor for the rest of my career.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories, we get to bring on experts like Lisa Lewis, who teaches people how to reframe their future, and set goals attainable, especially in this new year. And people who have pretty amazing stories, like Adarsh Pandit, who left academia, develop scientific approach to his career change and found a job that fits his lifestyle. Now, these are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And today's guest is Jenny, who we got the opportunity to tag along for her journey over the last 18 months and help her actually make a change. And this is so much fun to have this conversation with her now.

Jenny 01:42
It's been on my New Year's wish list, I think, for about three years to find a new job. But it has taken a while. And I’ll be transitioning into a role, helping develop a science and sustainability program at a University near where I live. I have currently a science background, but I had been looking for opportunities to do more than science or other roles in addition to science. So this job sounds like an incredible blend of different things. And I'm really curious about it and excited to get started.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:23
In this conversation with Jenny, we get pretty deep into how to stop doing what you should do, I'm using air quotes. And you know, what I should want in my current job or what other people want me to have, so I should stick with it. You don't have to be bound by those shoulds. And also how to let go of your current identity. Because if it's completely wrapped up in what you do right now, that can stop you from finding something that is going to make your heart happy. And how to let go of other people's expectations on your life more of those shoulds. But this it really impacted Jenny and take a listen for how much this impacted her. Because she's somebody who's pretty talented, she's high achieving, she went to a really reputable school. She's done a lot in her life, but still, a lot of this identity was wrapped up. And she was allowing what other people think, impact her happiness.

Jenny 03:26
Well, I had a pretty typical past as a scientist with a few added extras on the side. I did a... and I’d love to talk more about the extras because I think it is significant but my, sort of basic biography as I did an undergraduate degree in Biology, then I took a few years and I actually taught a preschool Science program, but then went to graduate school for more Science, again, Biology, Ecology, Conservation. And I got a PhD in that field and did a lot of outdoor research on mountain forest ecosystems and fire with many of the aspects of those topics and the process of research I really love. After finishing my PhD, I worked both in the education realm for a while and as a field biologist. I had a series of part-time jobs teaching college Biology which, those were some great adventures and learning experiences. But I did always know... or I realized about half way through graduate school that I didn’t want the traditional career of an academic professor. My dad actually, is an academic professor and my grandfather was, and several family members. So I’d seen lots of examples of that career path and I had been intrigued and thinking, it’s sort of, in my genes and in my environment, but the more I learned and experienced from the inside, as a grad student, the more I thought, I'm not sure this would be the perfect fit for me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:16
What caused you to think that? What are some of the elements or some of the events that, you realized, "hey, this isn’t for me for these reasons."?

Jenny 05:27
Well, I think it's an incredibly challenging and rewarding profession but it's sort of 24/7. I had seen this with my dad. He was doing his own research and writing, he was advising graduate students, he was teaching undergrads and our whole family life was filled with overflow and participation in his academic life. One of the thing my dad studied is Charles Darwin. And my sisters and I grew up just actually thinking of Charles Darwin as a really bad guy, who sort of, took my dad away from the family a lot. And we sort of visualized him as a, sort of, cartoon character villain.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:24
Charles Darwin the villain.

Jenny 06:25
In college I started realizing that actually he was the opposite of a villain, he's a... many scientists hero. I secretly took my own classes in evolutionary biology and history and philosophy of science and realized that Darwin is not a villain. That, any academic study can really take over someone's life and career. And so...

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:50
So he played the villain in your early movie.

Jenny 06:53
He was the reason dad could not, sometimes come to sports days or picnics, things like that. Some of the graduate students became, sort of, there were this, sort of, cast of characters, some of them were really funny and friendly and role models for us, but it was certainly a big deal to be a professor. When I was studying with my own advisor in the different field of biology, I realized he was working around the clock. His family sometimes would come out to the research sites with us and joke that that was how they got to see him. A lot of people juggle everything very successfully including my dad and my advisor but I felt like I wasn’t sure I had the energy or the commitment to a particular research field with the degree of passion that, at least, these two had. I’m, sort of, a generalist. I'm interested in lots of things but I didn’t want to single-mindedly pursue one research track. And I also found teaching to be really demanding. I felt this very strong sense of obligation to all the students in the classes that I taught. So I would... even as a graduate student, researcher, and teaching assistant I had a lot of challenges, sort of, prioritizing when do I grade papers and meet with students who are struggling versus when do I pursue my own research and write proposals and papers. And so, my conclusion after, sort of, testing it out as a graduate student was, I’m not sure I could do this full-time as a professor for the rest of my career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:40
I see. So this really didn’t line up with your lifestyle, at all. It sounds... oop, your lifestyle that you desire at all that... from the very beginning, and you had multiple examples of this over and over again. So I’m super curious then, what took place after that? After you tested that out and realized, "Not for me." Really great for some people that are very very much more into it but, as you said, you're much more of a generalist. And if I recall, you identify as what Emilie Wapnick back in episode 173 calls a multipotentialite, is that right?

Jenny 09:20
Yes. The problem also with my science studies was that I just could not help adding other topics and roles on the side. In the grand scheme of things, I think that type of approach is valuable to cover many disciplines or have a broader scope, but I think in the world of science, it's more typical to be a specialist and it's seen as more focused and more productive and contributes more to the individual field. My advisor was often questioning me, "why are you working on the campus writing center with all these English majors?" And I find...

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:09
What's your problem?

Jenny 10:10
And yeah, intriguing and enlightening. Why do you have so many side jobs? I think it's detracting from your forward progress. I’d say, well, it's sort of keeping me engaged and I love interacting across the whole campus and... so, we had a little back and forth. But I think, to answer your question, my next step was to say to myself, "alright. I’m going to try and find a more pure research job or pure teaching job and sort of see how those feel when I can separate the components of research and education." That worked out and I learned a lot through those comparisons. I learned that I didn’t love teaching a lot of content, a lot of information, again, maybe because of my generalist type of approach. I love teaching classes and the process of science, and I still do. Encouraging kids, or students of all ages to sort of come up with their own questions and hypotheses and investigations. I had several college teaching jobs that did this and those were really rewarding because I could see the spark of excitement and discovery in the students and how energized they were to figure out, "I can do science. I do science every day. Now I'm gonna learn to do it systematically and it'll let me find out new things and solve problems."

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:48
I’m curious, what do you think was the difference for you after all of this and making the transition and having lots of these experiments along the way? What do you think was the difference for you in terms of teaching focus on process versus teaching focus on specific information and what caused you to resonate so much with that? Because I’m guessing part of the reason that they would light up was because your involvement with that as well.

Jenny 12:24
I think I really do love, and I’ve learned this through listening to a lot of the HTYC podcast and other things. I do love guiding and mentoring, facilitating. That is always part of good teaching, I think, but definitely in science's course too, there is this emphasis on transferring information and facts. I feel like that involves a lot of memorizing and different skills than sort of the process skills. I’m not sure why, maybe I just don’t have as strong memory as some people do. But when I was teaching those classes I would sort of barely memorize all the different types of plant tissue or something, myself. I'd memorize them like, right before I got to teach the students and then I try to get the students to remember them using the same techniques that I had just learned. And I was sort of, I know it's really important to absorb the basic facts and information in any field but sometimes I would feel like we were overloading the facts and the memorizing and I would prefer the emphasis on the process of investigation and discovery and sort of went toward that side of the spectrum.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:51
That is so interesting. That even when you were teaching those types of information like, all the time on the podcast, we talked about what you can’t stop doing and what shows up everywhere. And even when you are doing those information type classes, you are still, "Hey, here's how I taught myself to remember this. Here's still the process." That is interesting.

Jenny 14:12
Yeah, I mean, I did... one of my most stressful experiences was teaching plant biology. I ended up trying to have the students do all these experiments like, let’s learn what plants need by growing a bunch of plants under different conditions rather than just telling them, "Here are the 39 things, nutrients and conditions, that plants need." We did all these experiments and now I’m thinking about it, a lot of this maybe goes back to this really fun interlude that I had in college, and after college when I was a preschool teacher and I realized that kids just want to investigate everything all the time. As we both know, we have little kids and they're just the world's best investigators and scientists and engineers. So that's how I had operated in preschool and that was encouraged in pre-school. It was a philosophy that I learned at that time called "Emergent Curriculum", it was about letting the kids sort of drive the agenda and learning process rather than having them put together, sort of, prepackaged arts and crafts activities led by the teacher. I hadn’t realized that but this has been kind of a theme through a lot of my work. Maybe I was lucky to have that formative job experience early on. And I really... it really clicked with me and I clicked with it. And I feel like there's the most genuine learning when the learner is sort of driving the pace and the process of the learning and it's not necessarily all about memorizing the facts.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:03
That is super interesting and I wanna actually come back to that and touch on that a little bit later too, because I’m curious, how much that helped you in this actual career change too. But before we get into that and before we dive into that part, I’m really interested in how you began to feel after you got into your most recent type of research and what was it there that caused you to start to think, "Hey, maybe I should be actively pursuing something else."

Jenny 16:38
Yeah, it's definitely connected to this theme and I thought about this a lot. I think I went into science and research for two reasons. One is I genuinely love this process of investigation and discovery and I really love the process of problem solving with science, both just in the simple cases of kids figuring out answers to their own questions or in my field, it's been tackling the problems of sustainable resource management like forest management, water management, wildlife management. Using science to help the resource managers identify the most effective strategies and least effective strategies. So I was, was and still am really enthusiastic about that part. I think the second reason why I stayed in Science and research was sort of to live up to the expectations of everybody who had guided me along the way and helped me pursue this track.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:48
What's an example of that?

Jenny 17:49
I didn’t want to let down my family, which is full of scientists and academics, my advisor, my professors, my peers, other women in science, particularly, I felt like I needed to sort of, yeah, live up to the expectations, sort of, fulfill the investment that I and they have made in this research track. But what began to shift for me was that, first I realized that when I was working with manager, partners who had problems to solve, it wasn't sort of purely this scientific data that they needed in doing their job. It was also connections with scientists, relationships with scientists, input from scientists that was more than just numbers. The whole situation was much more complicated than it seems from the outside, you know, I had sort of... before I took the job that I have now with a federal research agency, I had thought, oh there are these problems in the world of environmental resource management. And scientists will come to the table with the managers then will go off and design experiments to help address the problems and then, a couple years later, we'll bring the results back to that same table and hand them over and then we'll go away again, and the managers will be able to take the results and implement them and everything will get better and the problems will be solved.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:30
Whoa, it doesn’t work like that? You are killing my utopian bubble.

Jenny 19:39
It's still worth striving for that sort of effective, clean model of how the world works but I feel that I was naive looking back to think it would be that simple. The good news is that even though it's complicated and even though the relationships and the people dynamics and the politics are really highly involved, that's sort of part of the, I guess, positive side in one sense. I think... and I’ve seen that by developing these strong relationships, scientists and managers can solve or address even very tricky problems by working together. However, the huge insight for me was that, in my science role, at my home agency, I was definitely not rewarded in the metrics of contributing to complex problem solving efforts. I’m rewarded for the number of scientific papers I publish in scientific journals on scientific results. And so, the more I got involved in the people side of the equation and the relationships and collaboration, the less time I was investing in completing and writing up and publishing results. And of course, the more complex the problem, the harder it is to get clean publishable scientific papers out of it. I was kind of getting.... against the checklist of performance that I'm evaluated by, I was not doing the things that were expected from my position and I was finding meaning in what I was doing but I was also wishing that I could have a role in which part of the purpose or point was to invest in the relationships and collaborations and it wasn’t seen as a distraction or delay.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:53
So you're doing all these things that you are starting to get meaning out of and feel good about and you're getting small snippets of those as you realize, "Hey. I actually really enjoy these pieces of it." You also had the same sinking realization that sounds like that, the organization you are with doesn’t value those pieces. Now, even removing right or wrong, I mean every organization values different things and different elements, and it sounds like that didn't line up very clearly, and became painfully clear, with where you were at. What prompted you to do something about that? What took place? Do you decide, "Hey, I actually need to... I need to act on this."

Jenny 22:46
Well, there was kind of this dawning realization that every year during the annual performance review discussions, I was being questioned rightfully about the time that I was spending in meetings and collaborative workshops and the investment that I was making and the people's side of the scientific problem. That was a little awkward. But I think that as kind of silly or different, as it sounds, I had a more personal epiphany related to a book that somebody else mentioned on the podcast recently. Totally different. It was this, decluttering your life type of book by Marie Kondo called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I read this book and it's very... it's quite practical, and it's really insightful and philosophical in many ways. And I think I probably read it a few years ago, I think right after the holidays and with our young kids, our house was just full of toys and stuff and I was thinking, it's time to get organized, it's the New Year. But this author's approach is to guide people more broadly to really question everything in their life including, spouses, careers, any element and ask, “what about these different elements is meaningful to me and what isn’t.” And to try and focus on keeping the things that are meaningful and bring you joy and satisfaction and sort of let go, thankfully let go of the things that don’t fit or bring you meaning. And so this could be everything from the outgrown barbie dolls lying on our floor in our playroom to sort of bigger things. But the thing that really struck me was that, when I looked at all the books in our house, and in particular mind, I had this insight that if I was in charge, I would gratefully say goodbye to a lot of the science books that people have given me over the years. I’ve always accepted the books and been appreciative but I never felt compelled to read any of the science books. And I almost feel strange about admitting this. But my husband would read them, friends would read them, my dad would read them. And I just was never compelled to read them on the weekends and evenings because I did science 40+ hours a week. I always felt like that must... so I had this feeling, I don’t think I’m a proper scientist. What is wrong with me that I would want to give my science books away? And that really started me questioning the big picture of my future career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:04
Hold on. One thing you said though, I think is very much a human tendency and I think it is something that almost all of us, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us experience where we go through something like that and then we start to question, what is wrong with me? It’s nothing wrong with you, in your particular situation, then there's nothing wrong with the next person so much. But that is so interesting that, we as smart, capable human beings will... we will question what, well, I must be broken. And it's truly not the case and definitely wasn't in your situation too. So I just wanted to acknowledge that because I know that you haven’t stayed there. What happened next after the realization and you realized, "Hey. There's all these books that are sitting on my shelf. I don’t want these" and you started to feel, sounds like, awkward at a minimum about that and questioned even yourself. What was next?

Jenny 27:04
Well, a lot of... sort of, self questioning, I guess, and worrying and wondering what to do. I mean, around the same time, I had started volunteering at my kids school to lead science activities and I was finding that really really fun and rewarding. And it was taking me back to the days of working at the pre-school with these amazing little science investigators. I was starting to think I love this process of sharing science, fostering science even though I’m not, maybe, a specialist and a die-hard 24/7 scientist... or sort of more classic scientist, myself. Maybe I should look at roles that where I could go back to teaching or facilitating science in some way, not just with kids but with non-scientists or people who'd like to learn more about science or get a little flavor of science, I think... I really think I’m good at, sort of, bridging the gap not assuming that everybody wants or needs to understand science or love it. But I think I started looking more closely at institutions and agencies and organizations that are sort of in between the worlds of science and education and real life. A couple of job ads started to catch my eye in that arena of science education. And so I put out, I think Scott, the first time I contacted you I was responding to an ad for an informal science education position that I was really excited about.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:05
Oh, yeah. I remember that.

Jenny 29:10
At the same time I didn’t want to sort of blow my cover. I didn't want to do... I wasn’t ready to do what I would think of now as a full job search where I would tap into my big network of connections and do a lot of informational interviews and start getting a sense of what's out there that involves science but isn't pure science. So I still haven’t really done that. And I think one of the challenges that maybe will resonate with other people is that, I couldn't let go of the sense that I should want my pure science job. It's a great job, it's really secure and well respected. I’ve talked with many people over the years who would absolutely love to have the job that I have. And I kept thinking, people will think that I’m crazy if I start asking around widely about alternative career paths.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:18
So let's dig into that for just a second. Because I do think that that is a... that is something that we hear all the time behind the scenes and emails that we get, and people that we talk to, conversations that we have every day especially for professions like scientists, like academic professors in other cases, doctors, lawyers, yeah. And particularly, people that are high up in different organizations too, I am a Senior Director of this, or VP of that, or CEO of this. You know, we hear that again and again and again, because we've wrapped ourselves into that world, and we built that world around it. But I'm curious, let's go into that. So what was that like for you? And how did you start unraveling that?

Jenny 31:08
Well, I think one of the insights I had again was from something of a popular psychology type book, about how there are some people in the world, and I realized that I can acknowledge that I am one of them, who are unusually highly tuned into other people's expectations. I know a lot of podcast guests have alluded to this and it's helpful. I think that the particular book or sort of, I don't know, framework that I found helpful is by Gretchen Rubin, writer who studies happiness and habits and recently published a book called "The Four Tendencies" about how people respond to external and internal expectations. And I’ve always sort of envied people who are very tuned into their own internal compass and expectations and goals. My tendency has always been to try and do what other people expect or I think is reasonable and I think somehow I had to... was very comforting to me to read more about the fact that there are more people than me in the world that share this I guess, orientation. You don’t have to beat yourself up and think that you're weird or weak willed, etc. You can try to say, given that I now recognize I follow a lot of others' expectations to the point of having a lot of credentials and experience in an arena that maybe other people expected me to follow or to be a good fit. Given that, I can still take a step back and say, "Now I realize that isn’t the best long term fit and now I want to gently disentangle from some of those external expectations and start discovering what my own internal drive is telling me." I went through this self-questioning and self-analysis process and it was significantly helped by all the material that I absorbed from the HTYC podcast, and blog, and some of the courses and exercises that you, guys, provided, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:50
You’ve been through quite a few things with us, you’ve been through career change bootcamp, and you've done coaching, and you've been a listener for a long time on the podcast. You’ve been everywhere.

Jenny 33:59
Well I think that... one of my insights was, it's really okay to ask for help, get help and support and invest in help and support. It's a big deal to make a big transition. The thing I think was the hugest roadblock for me, mentally, and maybe for others was this feeling of lack of confidence. First of all, how could I have such... how could I have invested so many years in a career path that might not be a good fit? Why didn’t I realize this sooner? And then having a lack of confidence of not performing perfectly in my job that isn’t a good fit, and I think you or others said, "Well, it makes some sense that we wouldn’t performing at our best at a job that we recognized isn't a great fit." But something about that daily undermining of confidence like, I'm not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I'm not good at the things I’m supposed to be good at, that sort of, drains confidence and so it was really hard... it was really hard for me to kind of get over that confidence barrier and have that energy and positive confidence to apply for better fit jobs. I think HTYC and other support people and resources were really essential for me to kind of build up confidence that had been draining away and kind of get that energy and positivity back to start making new applications. I certainly had a few ups and downs with that. Some interviews and applications that didn’t go very well.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:55
Share how long you’ve been working on this. I think it'll be helpful to people. How long have you been working on this journey in order to make this transition?

Jenny 36:03
I think about three full... three and a half full years since my very first job application which was in a, I don't know if I even I’ve talked to you much about that one, but it was for a science focus role with a national nonprofit conservation organization, which I think does amazing work and I really respect and admire. But because it was sort of a blend of science and other roles, I did the interview for that job kind of wearing my science hat, and I was really thrown off because the interview and application process was a lot broader than I had realized. And I may not have... by this story before that there was this moment that I occasionally have nightmares about, during a big final interview with a big panel of people. They suddenly switched from asking science-ish questions to asking me what I was passionate about. And I completely froze up. Now I know that that's not such an unusual job interview question. But at that time, it was the first time I'd ever heard it. In the world of all the science interviews, I'd never done that. Had never never come up. And as you know, I’m also from England where people don’t tend to talk freely about passion very much. I started stammering and joking about how scientists really weren't supposed to talk about passion nor were English people typically. And I said that the only thing I could admit to being passionate about was good coffee. And maybe you can relate to that but the interview panel wasn’t very amused by that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:09
They weren't buying it.

Jenny 38:09
No. I just floundered horribly and finally said a few things that weren’t related to coffee and recovered a little but I realized after that interview, that I really needed to work more broadly on my skills and my presentation, and my applications. This wasn’t something that I would just be able to kind of wing it and succeed at in making a big transition. I’ve really benefited from all the resources and guidance that I’ve found with your team and others and feel like I should encourage people like you always have, to not try to go it alone. And try to reach out for help and resources, if needed. I realize that interviews can be handled much better with lots and lots of practice and I also really loved the episode long ago in the podcast where you interviewed a scientist with a PhD in biochemistry, Adarsh Pandit and he mentioned he had done like 30 interviews while trying to figure out his transition from a science and research role into another arena. And that made me feel a lot better, you know it really does take practice, it's not gonna happen spontaneously and organically.

Scott Anthony Barlow 39:48
I think, I wasn’t around for that particular time frame when you went through that interview that now, still occasionally gives you nightmares but I think that had to happen in order to allow the other events that followed it. Otherwise, you may not have had all the realizations that you've had, and you may not have conducted all the experiments that you conducted in that took place after that and not in the way. So, I wouldn’t wish the nightmares on anybody but I would absolutely wish that type of event that caused you to think about some of these things differently. And I think many people need that type of wake up. You don’t have to but a lot of times, it does takes place before we begin to take different types of action and before we begin to reach out and ask for help and before we begin to realize that, "hey, this is the bigger deal and if I really want this, then, here's how I have to go." We’ve been in contact, I wanna say for a little over 18 months, give or take. And I just got to say that I’ve been so impressed with, particularly, how you have stepped through this. Because... first of all, let’s just think about what you've done here, you’ve been immersed every single day in a situation where essentially, some of the things that you are the best at and some of the things that really do make you happy, and some of the types of activities and the way you engaged with people aren’t rewarded for the most part in your environment. What, I think, most people don’t realize when they're in that, is the realization that you had, that it was chipping away at your confidence. When it does something that is continually chipping away at your confidence every single day, then taking and having the wherewithal to recognize that and reach out for help is, honestly, half the battle. Because, that is something most people will not do. And then, you went above and beyond that and even though it's been super uncomfortable for you, because you thought about yourself as a scientist and you have all of these other people expectations in mind, you've continually progressed closer and closer to the point where now you have this role, that is going to leverage the fun things or the things that you look at as fun and also some of the things that you have and be great about and at the same time, not so coincidentally, leverage those the experiences that you have. And I think that, that is so cool, it is not easy. And it's taken a long time for you to be able to make that journey but most people will never start or most people will stay on that same path and never get the help, never recognize that it's chipping away their confidence, never have the commitment to be able to do something about it. So I am super proud of you and I'm so appreciative that you've allowed us to be right there and help along the way.

Jenny 42:59
Thanks. Yeah, I really appreciate it and I think the experiences I’ve had hopefully are shared by others. It doesn’t have to be science that forms your identity. And I’ve taken, I would say, I've taken steps to kind of broaden that identity. I haven’t completely let it go. My new role will certainly... I realized it was important for me to find a role in which that training and experience will be an asset. But I’m thrilled that I'll be able to use my people skills, my relationship building skills, my guiding and mentoring and discovering and problem solving skills and I don’t think I would have clarified those as fully without all this great help along the way. So, thanks again. Yeah, it's been really a fun process of discovery.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:02
Fun mixed in with some challenges along the way to say the least. I’m super curious, before we go, for other people that are in the shoes that you were in, 18 plus months ago, where they have the realization that it's not what I want to be doing forever. They are looking at the type of the change that they want to make or maybe even feel like they need to make, in order to get where they want to go and it's a big change because what you have done is a huge change, I would say. What advice would you give people that are in that place?

Jenny 44:46
Good question. I guess to try and sum it up it would be to trust your own instincts about what feels like a good fit for you and try not to stay too attached on that investment and identity that doesn’t feel like a good fit any longer. I think people do change and evolve and I keep to remind myself that, "new phases of our identities is what keeps life interesting and we can make a bigger difference in the world for the better if we allow those changes to happen rather than fighting them." It’s helped me to have a few sort of mantras about... or prepared answers to people's questions about why I might make this move. I think those will be different for everybody but it helps me to kind of practice them. Science is a great fit for many people and I love science but I think a better fit for me will be facilitating science with other partners, etc. I also think that it is daunting to look at one's whole life being sort of reorganized by a new career choice but I love how your process and others emphasize that it's kind of a holistic process of change and it shouldn’t be scary. It can definitely be positive and exciting. I also wanted to just quickly mention, it turned out that I had a friend in my neighborhood all along, who gave me great insights and confidence close to the end of my journey. And she sort of complimented your approach, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 46:53
Very cool.

Jenny 46:55
She sort of had this perspective of telling me what she thought my strengths were, sort of in everyday life. And I know you emphasize that in the bootcamp like, have your friends and family to list your strengths. I found that really tough. It happened organically through some conversations with a friend who's starting a career coaching business called Career Five. She just was able to chat with me about strengths and say, "Yes. This is what I’ve seen you do in the neighborhood, school or birthday parties. This is what I think you're great at." I would say to others like, try and take those sources of information and confidence sort of wherever they show up and everything is relevant and keep the faith and keep your spirits up through adding everything into your week that you can, that helps boosts that confidence and reminds you of all the things outside your, not good fit job, that make you... that give you happiness, confidence, and rewards.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:11
Very cool. I so appreciate you making the time. This has been a phenomenal conversation. There are actually so many other questions that I wanted to ask but we haven't even got to dive into. But some huge takeaways for me and how to think about yourself differently and how to move through a big change like this, particularly, when you’ve steep yourself in one type of perception about how you and your life looks and I think you’ve done such a phenomenal job with that. So I so appreciate you making the time, Jenny.

Jenny 48:52
Thank you so much. It's a pleasure.

Scott Anthony Barlow 48:55
Hey, if you're ready to create and begin to live a life that really truly is unapologetically you, I would absolutely urge you to check out our career change bootcamp program. We have, for the first time, just open career change bootcamp 2.0. And you can find that on our website happentoyourcareer.com click on career change bootcamp, or drop us an email support@happentoyourcareer.com. And we'll be able to point you in the right direction to learn more about how you can learn what you really want and be able to make it happen. Hey, I really appreciate all of you going over to Stitcher and iTunes and all kinds of places where podcasts are played and leaving us ratings and reviews. This helps so many other people find the show and we just... it means the world to us. And as it turns out, helps other people, not just find the show, but get to work that they love which is kind of what we do around here, anyhow, really appreciate. This one from Lauren PNDC, it says "This podcast is a lifeline as I tolerate a job that pays well believes me lackluster, and I found it by googling, should I quit or fear of taking risk, it's revitalizing my vision for meaningful work and finding the tribe I feel connected to. so grateful for this high quality content." Thanks so much, Lauren. Really appreciate you leaving that. We have much more in store for you coming up next week right here on Happen To Your Career. We have even another person and I think you're going to absolutely love this one, who allowed us to tag along for the ride. And she made such an amazing change, I think you'd be blown away. And so much of this next episode, I think you'd be able to incorporate into your life. So take a listen for what we've got coming in store.

Laura Morrison 50:48
And so for a while, that felt like a good fit, and it felt like something I could be passionate about. And then over time, it just wasn't anymore. But again, I was in the same position that I had had kind of in college and beyond where I didn't know what else to do. And so I just kind of stuck with it, kind of only half thinking about what else I could be doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:10
Alright, all that and plenty more right here on Happen To Your Career, next week. Until then, I am out. Adios.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:23
Cue the bloopers. That means record just in case you hadn't figured it out. This is Scott Anthony Barlow (so unprofessional) uh, yeah, I got this. Deep breath. Like I'm at the yoga class or something. Sorry, Josh. I'm like really mixed up here. Okay.

Joshua Rivers 51:45
Not a problem. It's called a blooper reel.

Scott Anthony Barlow 51:49
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That's ridiculous. Like I've never done this before. Oh, my goodness. My voice sounds so flat.

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Why You Should Trust Your Gut Intuition When It Comes to Your Career with Jason Bollman

Wherever you are in your life, do you ever find yourself asking:

Why does this not feel right?

At times we may even think:

“What am I doing?
This should be everything that I want. It should be hitting all the right things and for some reason, it just doesn’t feel right.”

Whether it is about your current financial situation, your relationship, or your job, sometimes we have these feelings that we just can’t shake.

Those feelings we don’t know how to describe exactly.

It’s that feeling at the pit of your stomach that puts a little doubt in your mind when you set out to do something you weren’t really too sure about to begin with.

And sometimes, it’s that utter and complete feeling of self-assurance that comes out of nowhere when you’re about to make one of the biggest decisions of your life — like marriage, buying a new house, or your career change.

Those feelings? That’s your gut intuition trying to tell you something. Trusting your gut intuition is important!

The definition of intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

It’s safe to say that the decisions we make in life are usually made with our head or our heart.

But, a lot of the time with specific big life decisions, our heads will use all the logic it can to persuade us to stay in the safe zone when it comes to finalizing those big career decisions.

Many people find themselves torn when it comes to their career change.

They know and feel deep down inside that something isn’t right and they struggle with taking a chance to actually make a change in their career.

Why do we fight what we know to be true in our core?

We see how others reach their goals and we think we must follow in their footsteps to reach the same success.

But, the truth is: we don’t.

Success is defined by our own definitions and the way we reach our career milestones and life goals is up to us.

LISTENING TO AND TRUSTING YOUR GUT INTUITION

One way to breakthrough the traditional path of success that we’ve built up in our heads to be the only path of success is to listen to that little voice in the back of our head telling us where we need to be to successfully reach our own career goals (whatever they may look like).

Here’s how we can learn to listen to our gut intuition and trust ourselves enough to reach our career success.

There were other instances in my personal life where following my gut, instead of my head really paid off.

Jason Bollman
CREATE A SPACE TO REFLECT

Career change requires a lot of your time, energy, and effort.

It doesn’t do you any good if you are in a constant battle between deciding to listen to your head or your heart.

Getting in the habit of creating your own space to reflect on your life and career goals and how you reach them is something you should make a top priority.

Make time to go for a run, read a book, network, or just find some time you can set aside for yourself to sit, relax, think, and reflect.

Creating a space without an agenda or to-do list to just be present to listen to your gut intuition about your career choices is the first step to find the answers you’re looking for.

I journaled — tried to figure out what is wrong.

This looks right on paper, but it just doesn’t feel right when I wake up in the morning.

Jason Bollman
PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND TAKE ACTION

What is something you can do that will move you one step closer to where you want to be?

When you find that one thing you can do to bring you closer to your career goals, you can begin to put that commitment into action.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

If you decide that you want to dip your toe into a new field by volunteering for an organization to either get a feel for their organization’s culture or if it is a position that you are thinking of switching to, make it happen.

Dedicate a set amount of time to your commitment and get a feel for what your life would look like if you made the career switch.

Trusting the work that you did by listening to your heart deserves a good try.

So, listen to your gut and take action.

Trusting your gut intuition will give you the opportunity to intentionally put yourself in a situation that you can enjoy.

By listening to your instincts, you give yourself a chance to grow your career.

If you’re not quite ready to hand over all of your logic to the decisions made by your heart, we’ve got the resources to help you keep moving forward with your career change.

Check out our career coaching.  We have world-class career coaches that will ask you challenging questions, keep you accountable, encourage you to take a step back and reevaluate, and offer you a different perspective.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome back to Happen to Your Career. I am incredibly, ridiculously, ecstatic to be here with our guest today because he has done some amazing things with his life and journey and career very recently. What is even more fun is our team has been able to participate. He has allowed us to share in it. He has a great story. Welcome to Happen to Your Career Jason, how are you?

Jason Bollman: Doing great Scott. Glad to be here.

Scott Barlow: We are going to get to your story and changes and progression but before we do that help people understand what you get to do now.

Jason Bollman: I have just started a new role where I oversee the offerings our company puts together in how we sell our products to our clients and how the team delivers that. As part of the offerings I’m putting together there is a big focus on training. I have a couple training developers under me putting together e-learning, training guides, and training our consultants. I run that portion of the business.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I have had hands in all that before. It can be a lot of fun.

Jason Bollman: I’m very excited about it.

Scott Barlow: You haven’t always been doing that. This is a recent change. I’ve talked to Lisa and she’s shared some of your story. You worked with Lisa Lewis. For those of you who don’t know her you can hear her story on episode 147. Way before that you have had quite the career. Where does this start for you way back? What did the beginnings of your career look like?

Jason Bollman: I went to school for civil engineering. A little ways from working with a software company that I’m at today. During college I did a co-op program where I worked a semester then went to school for a semester. There were a lot of engineering points I liked but it didn’t get all of me. I would get involved in campus ministry and a fraternity on campus. I was being really active on campus. I realized engineering wasn’t all of me. I did volunteering after graduating and settled on a teaching program in Omaha, Nebraska. I taught for two years while working on a master’s degree. I taught middle school math. I enjoyed it but realized that teaching wasn’t for me either.

Scott Barlow: I didn’t realize you had a detour in Omaha. I’ve spent some time there. I almost moved there. There is a lot of cool things I didn’t know until I visited.

Jason Bollman: My wife and I really enjoyed our time there and considered settling in permanently but it was a little bit further from family than we’d like. We moved a little closer to home. Omaha was a great experience.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. You went there and you were teaching and determined that maybe this isn’t the right thing for me. What happened from there?

Jason Bollman: Fortunately coming from a teaching position I had a summer buffer to figure out what was next. I did some reflection to determine what would be a good fit for my engineering and teaching background and found technical consulting getting into a software space working with clients and it is technical. It had everything I wanted. Once I got into the company I started at a help desk. Not many people were willing to put me in a consulting role with my background. I started at a help desk, learned the software and showed my abilities and was able to move to consulting. Eventually I managed I team of consultants.

Scott Barlow: Back up for a second. I think you just glossed over a bunch of stuff that took place for those to happen. You didn’t walk in and start at the help desk then boom let’s get this guy to manage a team. I’m guessing that wasn’t the case. I’m curious what happened in between there that took you from one spot to another?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. In coming into the help desk position I knew I didn’t want to be a support analyst for a career. I wanted a more client facing role. It played out, because I was eager to learn. I was on the software that focused on multi-family division and was figuring out how the reports worked and financial worked. Let me look at the development piece. It was a constant hunger going above and beyond what was expected. It helped me give a resume to the consulting team that showed I wasn’t just doing the status quo. It helped make the transition.

Scott Barlow: Interesting. I’m curious going from teaching into making that initial move, was that a difficult decision for you or was it obvious? I’m partially curious because we are in the middle of the summer and we get so many teachers that find the podcast because they are in summer and have time to reflect. We also find that a lot of teachers don’t make the move even though they feel like they should. What was that like for you and why did you decide to do it?

Jason Bollman: During the teaching program I was part of it become apparent I love kids. I think I did well as a teacher but it become apparent I didn’t have what it takes to do it full time. I struggled with the parents. I was looking to get more into the complexity of problem solving and troubleshooting. The lesson plans were consistent each year. It hit on a number of key pieces that were helpful but not the whole package. There was a lot of frustration and I was struggling to make things happen and get the analytical pieces of me that I had in engineering. I lost that in education.

Scott Barlow: That makes sense to me. Lisa has shared bits of you story. You strike me as the type of guy that can sink your teeth into difficult or complex problems.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely I love the details. Let me dive in and see things from top to bottom.

Scott Barlow: That makes sense. You aren’t getting all of that in the teaching role and you make the move to the help desk and are taking some great steps that cause you to move through the ranks pretty quickly. What happened from there?

Jason Bollman: Working as a consultant I was doing a lot of projects on my own. Running my portion of the business without a lot of checking in. I was mentoring the younger consultants and taking the portions of the software I knew so they could do the portions of the training I was doing. There was an opportunity when a manger left the company. I had expressed a desire to take on more and had proven I was doing all right in my current role. They gave me a shot managing a group of consultants.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. They brought you on board and you are managing a team of consultants which sounds awesome and from the outside looks like a great job. So what happened for you to say it isn’t right anymore?

Jason Bollman: You have it right there. It looked from the outside the ideal position. Working with clients, doing deep diving things, being a leader which has always interested me, managing a team. It seemed it would all be good. I was on the road traveling to visit a client and wondered what I was doing. It should be all that I want hitting all the right things but it doesn’t feel right. I struggled with that for a while before asking for help and pursuing a career coach. I talked to family and friends, prayed, journaled trying to figure out what was wrong. It looks right on paper but doesn’t feel right when I wake up in the morning.

Scott Barlow: What do you feel like after going through all that and you know deep down something isn’t right. What did you determine wasn’t right or was misaligned?

Jason Bollman: Great question. In part, it didn’t come out until later, but realizing there is an entrepreneurial bug in me and desire to run my own business someday. Lisa helped me uncover that. It was part of why I was struggling to pinpoint. My dad was successful working in business as an employee moving to an executive level. I thought that was the way to go. He enjoyed it. Not until after working with Lisa did I realize I have a desire to branch out and do my own thing someday. The environment, the leadership team I was part of wasn’t as fruitful as I’d hoped. I enjoyed who I managed but my upline was not one that I gelled with as much as I’d like. I didn’t feel I was on part of a team. It was a desire to branch out on my own and not being in the right environment.

Scott Barlow: Interesting. That makes a ton of sense. The bosses and leaders you are working with, whether you feel supported in whatever it looks like, if it’s not lining up, it’s one of the biggest things that have a huge impact on your level of happiness, based on research. First of all kudos for doing something about it. What was the period of time where you said I’m doing journaling and talking and I need to do something to change this? What happened?

Jason Bollman: Great question. In part it was one of my close friends. He hired a business coach. He is in the process of launching his own professional speaking, career coaching type of company and hired a coach. And talked about how beneficial it was and having an accountability partner to keep you moving in the right direction. It was partly that and my wife and closer friends getting sick of me asking the same questions. I need some professional help instead of just complaining and brainstorming with my wife.

Scott Barlow: Part of it was you seeing other people and your wife giving you the boot to stop complaining.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely, I love you but we have to stop talking about this.

Scott Barlow: Totally understand that. Been there. Alyssa will tell you.

Scott Barlow: That is interesting because I didn’t know that part of the story. It makes complete sense. As you started embarking on this journey what did you go through to get to the point. You’ve made this shift in roles. I would say it’s not the easiest thing to do. There are two things going on if I understand. You’ve made a shift to a role that is much better in alignment for now but also you still have this desire to do something on your own on the side. Am I seeing that right?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. This is a great role currently. It is allowing me to develop skills to branch out on my own. I know this is a shorter term game knowing I’ll move on to something on my own. It’s a good gig along the way.

Scott Barlow: To be honest that is why I’m interested in talking to you. That is real world for how some of these things happen. I think many of us want to know how to get to the point where we have four million dollars and spend our days doing whatever we want. I think most people don’t realize the things that happen in between there. That is an opportunity to still enjoy yourself or intentionally put yourself in a situation where you continue to grow. I respect what you are doing and how you are thinking about it because few people do that. Help me understand what led up to this? You and Lisa had been working on this for a while. What happened? What was hard and what was easier?

Jason Bollman: It was a rollercoaster working with Lisa. It ebbed and flowed. She identified pretty early about the entrepreneurial bug. I dismissed it. It’s not for me but for others. We discussed the roles I had. We talked about moving from project management to managing product. Building the software instead of just implementing it. Went down that route, did research, applied for jobs, networked, and talked to a bunch of people. At one point my homework was to connect with a certain number of people in product management. I talked to a couple people and realized it still wasn’t right. It feels like my current job. Still not what I’m looking for. We had to back pedal and try the focusing questions again. What do you want? What do you want your life to look like in 20 - 30 years? In 30 years I’d love to have the four million dollars and work when I want and do what I want. How do I start taking steps to that? We went down the route looking for a different type of job, company, and environment. And having to backpedal when it didn’t feel right.

Scott Barlow: What was that like being in that? The steps forward, testing if it’s right, and then as you called it, backpedaling, and coming back. What was the most difficult part of that?

Jason Bollman: The hardest part for me was to sit with the topics and get deep into why I wanted to make the change. Lisa was good about asking the questions with our coaching calls. I’d have three questions I could put together easily but she’d ask for four and it was hard and five which was really hard and then six or seven. The six or seven clarifying questions really got past the surface level to decide why I wanted to pursue certain things and why I wanted my own business in the future. It’s uncomfortable to get down to those questions in your life.

Scott Barlow: It’s interesting and I love how you are putting it. It helps people understand how this really works. I think we all know logically there will be steps forward and back as you are tackling this. It’s hard while you are in it. It’s how it actually works. You go out and you have this hypothesis about yourself and you test it. You talk to people and in your case you realized it isn’t the thing at all and you come back. It feels like a step backwards but it isn’t because it allows you to move forward in a different area or get closer to the answer. So many people get derailed because it feels they are going backwards. What caused you to keep going and not being discouraged? Or did Lisa have to drag you?

Jason Bollman: There is a little kick in the butt from her. She helped me realize that following my gut or intuition has really helped me out. That intuition that brought me to coaching. There were other instances in my personal life like relationships with my wife where following my gut instead of my head paid off. Being an engineer by default I’m analytical and don’t like to follow my gut. It was a kick in the pants and also her helping me understand what my gut is saying. Put your head out of it for a minute and let’s sit with it.

Scott Barlow: Super interesting. That is actually to be honest, the reason we didn’t move to Omaha, Nebraska. We had an opportunity to move there with the company I was with. My wife and I had been talking about this and actively planning to move there because that was where they were located. We visited and loved it but then we were talking in the kitchen one day and realized we were ignoring that gut feeling. At the same time we a realized our plan was to move to Omaha to get experience so we could move back to Moses Lake, Washington. We looked at each other and said why are we doing this? We were doing the same thing you were describing. We were “logic”-ing the crap out of it with our head and ignoring our heart. It’s interesting you bring it up. For people just starting to pay attention what advice would you give them to push off some of that stuff? Our head overtakes and we ignore the gut feeling. How have you done it?

Jason Bollman: You have to create space in your life to sit with it. It started with me journaling for the first 15 minutes of my morning. No agenda, just whatever was on my mind. Getting in the habit of being reflective, sitting and asking what I’m feeling. No lists or questions. Just where am I? One thing I did while working with Lisa was using some of my paid time off. One day a week for two and a half months, 8 - 10 days where I took a day off, switched it up, and created space to go for a run, read, and do some networking, to have time to sit and think and reflect. That was most helpful. Creating a space with no agenda or to do list. Just sitting and listening to your gut.

Scott Barlow: That is invaluable advice. It is also something some people may have heard before. Creating space. What prompted you to actually do it and take action? I think so many of us think about it, planning on using the time for other things. How did you prioritize it high enough in your life? It’s clearly paid off but I don’t think when we are on the other end it’s very easy to see the pay off. If I do this it will lead to insights and millions of cash. Whatever comes with it? What did you do?

Jason Bollman: The morning journaling. I read the Miracle Morning and hearing his story, taking care of his lifesaver, visualizations, and affirmations. Hearing all those things made it seem I could get up 15 -20 minutes earlier and do those things. Why not. That was the first seed to start me. Moving to taking the time off, which is big step. I had put together a list of what I needed to make a change. Lisa is helping me see I can branch out in my own thing. Where do I want to go with this? With my analytical mind I made a list of all the things I could do. I could do a side business and jump out a plane with the parachute on the way down. I could take a part-time job to have some income. I could move to a different company with a different role. Ultimately taking some time off to have space was the best option.

Scott Barlow: Two things I take away. One it’s the smaller changes earlier on that enable you to move down the path to get to the bigger changes. Journaling allowed you to see the benefits of the time and space and reflecting. Being able to put multiple options in front of yourself to decide and what is the best fit. It allowed you to look at it holistically rather than be in perpetual what ifs. I could quit my job but then I’m scared for different reasons. Looking at it with different options allows you to evaluate differently. Ultimately get to a better position. Is that what you experienced?

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. You touched on starting small. I can get up earlier and journal. Five minutes becomes fifteen and it becomes finding a career coach which leads to writing everything down. I have a bad habit hearing people say you have to create space and take all this time off and jumping right to this. But what’s something you can start just five minutes a day and go from there. It builds on itself.

Scott Barlow: I love that. For someone on the other side of this just starting to have the same feelings you did that something is wrong, not totally sure what it is yet but they are no longer ignoring the gut feeling. What would you advise them to do having just done it in the last 6 months?

Jason Bollman: Yes I’ve been working with Lisa in January so, six months.

Scott Barlow: Super cool. What advice would you have?

Jason Bollman: Great question. If you can just take some time. Take time this weekend to sit and reflect and ask why doesn’t it feel right? What am I committed to doing about it? For me it was journaling. It helped get things moving. Maybe for someone else, it could be I don’t feel great physically and need to start exercising. It looks different for every person. I’d challenge you to find some time, whether its fifteen minutes or a half hour to sit and think about if I could just change one place where would I start.

Scott Barlow: I love that. If I could just change one place where would I start? It happens that way for every person. It happened that way for me and Alyssa. Eight to ten years ago we were in a ton of debt and it was a huge issue. We fought all the time and bad stuff happened. For us it was just the tiny start to pay it off slowly which led to all kinds of other crazy life changes. It starts with one thing. Journaling, asking a question, whatever it might be. Super sage advice. I very much appreciate you taking the time and coming on the show. Before we leave I have one or two more questions. I appreciate this it’s been awesome.

As you thought about this and making the change what parts of it were unexpected for you? Especially more recently the last three months or so. What weren’t you thinking about or what things were unexpected?

Jason Bollman: Ultimately the role I am in now is a little of my own creation. There had been someone managing the offerings. There were individuals that worked on training development but not one single team working in the same way as I’m trying to get us to work. Creating a position out of nowhere. I was surprised how easy it was after I suggested it that they said yes. I thought I’d have to do an elaborate presentation. It was as simple as saying there is synergy here and my skill set and I’d like to talk more about it and they said let’s make it happen.

Scott Barlow: Super cool. I’m curious what do you think was in place at that point already so that it was well received and allowed creating something new? A new position. Not every situation will flow like that. Seeing this multiple times behind the scenes, I suspect that you probably already created the time and place. What do you think they were?

Jason Bollman: I had started being transparent with my leadership team that I was working with a career coach realizing this wasn’t the right fit. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go but was pursuing other opportunities. I would keep the team informed of what was going on, while I am here I am fully committed. Being open and honest and coming from a place of value that I want the team to be successful but I won’t be my best version if I stay in this role. Laying ground work, following my gut, having scary conversations. I felt it was right and it made the sell at the end much easier because I had been open and honest coming from a place of value.

Scott Barlow: I didn’t realize that was part of it. I’ve done a lot of that same thing. Probably as people hear you talk about it and how you shared it openly it probably scares the crap out of most of them. And it scared you and me but when you do things other people wouldn’t do and put yourself out there you earn the opportunity to develop trust others wouldn’t have and at the same time getting results that other people wouldn’t get which is crazy. What then took place in between there? Was it just you decided I see this opportunity I’m going to talk to them about it or was there more?

Jason Bollman: It fell into place. I had seen the opportunity and the portions I enjoyed and not having a fully formed thought. A different part of the organization was going through a re-organization, realigning to build the company for growth. We had acquisitions. I was in my manager’s office when he told me about it and a light bulb went off. Everything I’ve been thinking of this would be a perfect time to pitch it. I’ve been thinking about this and I htink it fits well with the re-organization that’s happening. He said it sounds great let’s talk to the vice president and get his insight. He was more excited than my boss. It had been marinating and I’d been thinking about it. It just came up. I’d been practicing following my gut so I put it out there.

Scott Barlow: Now I bet you are glad you did.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely.

Scott Barlow: That is amazing. Congratulations again by the way. I had only been able to tell you that over e-mail. I want to tell you face to face, or as close as we can, everyone else will hear it on audio. That is absolutely amazing. Jason thanks again for taking the time and making the time. This has been awesome.

Jason Bollman: Absolutely. This has been great Scott. I appreciate it.

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Find Your Career Calling and Own Your Purpose with Jessica Williams

How many people do you know that are actually doing what they said they would be doing when they grew up?

How many of those people enjoy their career choice?

How many of those people are wishing they still had a chance to do something different?

Guess what?

There is still time.

No matter what age you are or what stage you’re at in your career, there is still time to go out and look for your career calling — to find that purpose, to make your mark on the world.

If you’re ready to tap into something bigger than your current job situation, you’re going to have to change your mindset from one that thinks that opportunities are limited and resources are too scarce for you to make a life change, to a more holistic approach of assuming abundance and becoming more in-tuned with yourself.

Now, let’s get to work on finding your career purpose and owning your calling.

IN ORDER TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS, WHAT YOUR CALLING IS, WHAT YOU’RE PASSIONATE ABOUT, THEN YOU GOTTA DO THE INNER WORK.

IN ORDER TO DO THE INNER WORK, A LOT OF STUFF IS GOING TO COME UP THAT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH — THAT MIGHT BE HARD, THAT MIGHT BE SCARY, THAT MIGHT BE OVERWHELMING, THAT MIGHT BE CONFUSING.

BUT, IF YOU DON’T LOOK AT THAT. I THINK YOU’LL REMAIN STUCK.

YOU’LL LACK SATISFACTION.

STEP 1: REFLECT

Being proactive in reflecting and evaluating your current job situation as it pertains to your life goals is crucial in finding your calling and the next steps of your career journey.

Create little mini-getaways for yourself clear your mind and start with a fresh slate to think about your career purpose on a deeper level.

Reflect on your strengths, what you value, a purpose you want to be involved in, and the kind of people you want to surround yourself with.

This first step of reflection is the hardest, but the most valuable in finding your career calling.

Taking your time and finding your calling can help you begin to create career goals to help design a life you love with purpose.

STEP 2: ACCEPT & ACKNOWLEDGE

Our careers constantly evolve as our priorities, life goals, and interests change.

Accepting these changes as we take the time to re-evaluate where we are in our lives will help us progress along our career change process.

Being able to acknowledge that, ‘Yes, this is what I want to do. This is what the accumulation of my skills, experience, and passion has led me to want to do,’ creates a sense of knowing and a feeling of confidence within ourselves that will start turning the wheel of momentum that we need to change our careers.

STEP 3: OWN IT

Now that you’ve taken the steps to reflect, identify, accept, and acknowledge what your career calling is, you’ve got to own it. And, you’ve got to own that purpose sooner rather than later.

There will be doubts of your decision from outside perspectives and maybe even from your inner voice, but you will need to develop strong boundaries that will give you the ability to discourage those nay-sayers and negative thoughts.

You have to be very in-tuned with yourself, believe in your purpose, and own your decision to pursue it.

Create a space within yourself that will give you the ability to gain self-mastery through your strengths, skills, and confidence to protect yourself from people that question your calling.

STEP 4: MAKE A PLAN-FINDING YOUR CALLING

With a clear direction of where you know you want your career to go, the next step is making a plan to get there.

How do you do that?

You can begin by identifying positions and organizations that align with your calling.

If you find that you’re in need of more guidance in the planning step, you can look into outside resources like hiring a career coach or recruiting mentors that have been in your position of change.

STEP 5: TAKE ACTION

In order to own your purpose, you’ll need to take intentional actions in reaching your newly identified career calling.

Start making small incremental changes toward your goals.

You can even volunteer in an organization that matches your calling or network with those that work in those same organizations to get more information or dip your toes in the waters of that new career.

Remember that it is always a good idea to evaluate your progress. If you have to, you can always pivot your career course.

As high performers, we are always looking for ways to improve where we are to where we want to go.

High performers want to build careers that are in alignment with their dreams and values.

The steps above will help you jump start you down a path to reach your new career goals and aid you in finding your calling.

Once you own your purpose and take action to do something different from what you’ve been doing, you’ll build momentum to continue to live out your calling.

Remember not to rush your career change process. By doing that, you defeat the purpose of the time you’ve put into doing all of the soul-searching and goal-setting to find your next career move.

If you find that you need more support through your career journey, we’ve got the resources for you.

Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser that can help you reach your career goals.

DOWNLOAD THE TRANSCRIPT TO THE EPISODE NOW

Introduction 00:00
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, Episode 189.

Jessica Williams 00:08
And I ended up moving there, sight unseen, with no furniture, it was just me and my dog. And I slept on the floor for a while. And no one would hire me. I mean, I had gone from $100,000 a year to sailing around the world to, now I can't get someone to let me pour coffee.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:35
This is Happen To Your Career, we help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing, or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Jerrad Shivers 00:58
Decided that maybe, you know, 80, 90 hour weeks and a young family doesn't necessarily go together.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:05
Jerrad was burned out with long hours and high stress.

Jerrad Shivers 01:09
When we started to do the questionnaire and write everything down, we started our pros and cons with where we wanted to live and who wanted to be around and all that stuff.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:17
Listen to Jerrad's story later on in the episode to learn how he used coaching to help him figure out what fits him and actually make the change to work he loves.

Jerrad Shivers 01:26
I ended up with my dream job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:33
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. Now we get to bring on experts like Jenny Foss, who's a career consultant who helps people define and communicate their personal brands, or people that have really amazing stories like Michael Bigelow, who identified as big value adds to follow a career path that he was able to grow. And these are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. And today, we get to talk to, Jessica Williams.

Jessica Williams 02:09
I am the founder of a company called The Superwoman Project. And we do everything from training, speaking, writing, coaching, to support the advancement of women into positions of power. So helping women with their careers, their leadership, helping them run their own businesses, so kind of run the gamut, but it's focused on women who want to become powerhouses in the world.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:38
In this interview, we'll get into the importance of being very clear about your career direction, and owning your calling. And even what that means and then the internal process in which you figure out your calling, if you're still unsure, and then how to transition out of the job without burning the bridge. Because as it turns out, that's not easy to do. I've done it both ways. And you know, it's much better one way versus another. Jessica has an amazing story of how she got to where she is now.

Jessica Williams 03:07
Yeah, so it's funny, Scott, because I don't talk about this often. And it's something I'm trying to talk more about. I grew up in the deep south in Raleigh, North Carolina. And it was an environment where women weren't taught necessarily to do the kind of things that I'm teaching women to do now, which is, go after what you want. You can be anything you want, do it unapologetically, be authentic, be you, you know, you could be anything you want, but don't be too loud, don't be too noxious, you know, maybe keep your mouth shut because you want men to like you. And by the way, keep your hair long and wear tight clothes, like I was taught a certain way to be as a woman. And I knew as a child that like something just wasn't right. And my dad, also when he drank, he would get incredibly violent. And he hit my mother in front of me a few times. And I saw my mom really sacrificing herself for her children and really not taking care of herself in the way that I now know, that's how I want to take care of myself in a different way. And I want the women around me to take care of themselves in a different way. And she did it for the sake of me and my brother, which I have very confusing feelings about sometimes, but my father was like, you can go out and be anything you want, but don't be too much, you know, and so it's always like, "Oh, I'm stuck and I feel confused." And so I went to college and then literally like bolted to the west coast like, I have never been further west in Tennessee, and I've never been to California but I just knew it was the place for me and I jumped in a two seater car and drove across the country, lived with a cousin I never met in Los Angeles, and, oh my god Scott, I don't know if you... a lot of your listeners, they might be recently graduated from college. But no one tells you when you first graduated from college, how hard it's going to be to integrate into, "real life" I think. I certainly did not know. And I had also put myself on a path of really challenging times. I didn't make it easy on myself. And I didn't have any connections in California, but I had been looking for work about six months prior to moving out to LA and I had a couple interviews in the pipeline. And within three weeks, I had a job. And I had a great job. I was working as a sales rep for a wine distributor. And my territory was the LA beaches, territory.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:41
Awesome. I've been there. Learn to surf there.

Jessica Williams 05:45
Right. I was living here most of beach, traveling all up and down LA, selling this beautiful wine. And I was so lonely, like I would cry and I didn't know if I'd made the right decision to move out there. And I had a really hard time making friends and but I pretty quickly met a man who was really 22 years older than me. And he was very adventurous and charming. And he sold Italian wine. And so I was just like...

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:11
Even better.

Jessica Williams 06:12
Right? I know and I was like, "Oh, I love you." And he was like, "Let's go. Let's go on adventures." And he had a little sailboat that he had sailed from San Diego to Florida through the Panama Canal in his 20s. And he took me on that boat one day and he said, "I want to sail around the world. And I want you to come with me." And I was like, "Sign ne up. I'm in! Yes." Like get me out of this like, rat race I'm in with work. And I feel so alone in the world, I don't understand like this what life is like just going....

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:46
All the questions. Yes.

Jessica Williams 06:49
I love it. I want to check it out. And so we ended up buying a bigger boat. I ended up moving down to San Diego and I got a job working for, this is really funny speaking of careers, working for autotrader magazines. Yeah, back when like print magazines was the thing. And it was right around the time autotrader.com was coming on. And they were kind of kicking our butts. And they hired a whole new sales staff to try to beat up territory. So I had this like huge territory of used car dealerships in San Diego where I was selling print advertising. And it was one of the most challenging jobs I've ever had. Because it was so toxic. I was so sick when I went to work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:31
What made it so toxic?

Jessica Williams 07:33
I mean, I hate to be mean, but just the environment of used car salesman and being a woman and I'm a very sensitive like person. I'm a very intuitive empathic person. And so I just pick up on things all around me. I didn't realize this at the time, but I look back. And I know it was draining on my soul just standing on car lots and taking photos of used cars with a little camera. And it was a grind, man, you had like deadlines because it was publications and advertising and quotas I had to make, and I was making big money. And like it was my first $100,000 a year job. And I was in one of the highest or the biggest territories in the country because San Diego is the largest used car market in the country. And my territory was the one of the biggest territories in San Diego. So arguably one of the largest like car dealership areas.

Scott Anthony Barlow 08:27
You're in used car mecha?

Jessica Williams 08:28
Used car mecha, and it was just the hustle. But I quit in 2007, is kind of an interesting story, because I worked for this publishing company, you know, and we had people on the back end who were publishing the magazine, I was just the deliver of the content that I collected on the lot, and one day the magazine got messed up and one of my clients was pissed. And I got called into their office and it was like this mobster, gang of big brutish guys, like three of them standing behind a desk. And they were yelling at me. And I mean, they just needed somebody to yell at you know, and they're yelling at me and they're pounding on the desk and they're cursing and they're telling me what a horrible human being I am and how I'm never allowed on their lot again, and I'll never see another dealership, one of their dealerships again. And I literally like almost peed my pants. It was so terrifying. So I quit the next day because I had an anxiety attack. And I was like, this is too much. I might be making a lot of money, but this is too much. And my partner and I we've gotten married and we decided after that it was time to leave on the boat and we left in oh seven and we sailed around Southern California which was really cool. But we knew we needed to do more work on the boat and then we went back to San Diego for the winter, we worked on the boat nonstop. Like I didn't have a job, I just worked on the boat which was a lot of work.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:53
What was that like?

Jessica Williams 09:54
It was crazy. We were living with his mother in law and she lived out in Rancho Bernardo which is kind of East County San Diego and we were working on our boat down in Point Loma. And you were commuting down there. And she would like pass us a lunch and we go down and we'd work on the rigging and the painting and the bottom of the boat. We read the through holes, and we were constantly working on the engine. I mean, I took diesel mechanic classes, like, I know everything there is no, well, not everything but I know a lot about diesel engines. You know, I mean, it was just constantly like, in the grit and the grime of that life. You know, in preparation for this big beautiful dream, we had this thing, we just like... we were consumed by, and looking back, he was more consumed by it than I was. I was just kind of tagging along in a way. And I think that was part of the problem. And when we left, you know, we sailed from San Diego to Canada. So we went up the entire West Coast of the United States headed north, which is arguably one of the most dangerous sailing crossings you can do in the world, because there's not a lot of places to duck out to harbor for and you're basically going against the wind the whole time. So it's more advantageous to motor. It was a hard rough trip and our relationship too, was not healthy. And I came from this childhood where I saw my mother kind of beaten down. And I was in a relationship, just like that. I mean, it wasn't physical, but it was emotional. And it was controlling and manipulative. And we had that situation on a boat. And I literally lost myself like, I mean, I just became a shell of a human being, I became whatever he wanted me to be, which was never enough. And when we came into Canada, we sailed around the San Juan Islands in the Gulf Islands for a summer. And then we landed in Port Townsend, Washington, and I bought a one way ticket to North Carolina to stay with my family, which just felt odd because I felt like I had kind of run away from my family, and now I was running away from him back to my family, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I spent three months back there. And it was a hard three months. I eventually came back to Port Townsend, and we tried again and by just a couple of months and it didn't work. And he wanted to keep going on the boat and I didn't. So I went to had this kind of like awakening in my life where I went to this retreat center on Cortez Island, which is...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:27
Been there.

Jessica Williams 12:27
Oh, you have...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:28
I have been. Yeah. All over that area, actually. On boat.

Jessica Williams 12:32
Yeah. It's beautiful. I mean, you know, it's right off of Vancouver, right off of Vancouver Island. It's a few islands in, so it's pretty isolated. And I worked as a volunteer at hollyhock. Did you go to hollyhock? when you were there?

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:45
For some reason, that doesn't sound familiar. I assume I would remember that.

Jessica Williams 12:49
It's this beautiful Retreat Center for like meditation, yoga.

Jessica Williams 12:53
Higher consciousness. I mean, it's right on the water. I lived in this cabin with 10 other people from around the world who were also there, for some reason, similar to mine. And we volunteered, 30 hours a week for room and board, which meant I got these organic, beautiful organic meals, I got to attend a lot of the sessions that were happening in the retreat center, and I made some amazing friends. And I was just kind of like, I don't know what to do with myself, like, I don't know where to go, I can't go back to California, because everything about California reminds me of my ex husband, or at the time we were just separated. But you know, when I'm grieving, and this is so hard, and I can't go back to North Carolina, even that's all my family wants me to do. Like there's no way that's happening. And a friend of mine, at the retreat center, she was a chef and she was a naturopath and she had gone to the naturopathic school in Portland to get her degree. And she said, "You're gonna love Portland, just trust me, just move there and move off of Hawthorne Boulevard." And I was like, "okay" so I like sat down one day, Scott, like meditated. And I was like, why do I want... in true visualization like this is manifestation in action, right? Like I meditated on what I wanted my life to look like in Portland and I just like, I could taste it. I could feel it. I knew like down to what the molding would look like, on the walls in my room, what this place had to look like. And I swear to you, I mean, this happens to me all the time, I don't know if this happens to you. But I went on Craigslist. And that place... that place I visioned showed up in my search results. And I ended up moving their sight unseen, with no furniture. It was just me and my dog. And I slept on the floor for a while. It was the height of the recession. So Portland was so hard headed. We had one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, and no one would hire me. I mean, I had gone from $100,000 a year to sailing around the world to now, I can't get someone to let me pour coffee and I was biking around the city because I didn't have a car, I didn't have enough money to buy a car, I had barely enough money to pay my rent. And I'm biking around the city with resumes in my backpack, just like passing them out because there were no jobs online to apply for. If there were, I wasn't qualified, because I hadn't worked in a couple of years, I started just kind of like doing whatever I could to find work. And I remember I was working with this recruiting company in Portland. And they sent me on a few interviews and interviews I could get because I had done sales, or sales jobs. And they were sales jobs for software companies, which I can't think of anything I'd rather sell less than...

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:54
Intersting.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:43
Hey, I want to ask you about, but I am curious, even before, like, just to jump back for a second here. I am so curious, what prompted you in the first place to begin visualizing or anything like that, because you had up till that point, it seemed like very much lead a life where you were, for lack of a better phrase, kind of running from one thing to the next and then following what somebody else wanted. And something in there occurred, it seemed like, I don't know if it's just being around other people. But, what took place where you even got to the point where you had that moment?

Jessica Williams 16:20
Wow... that moment where I started really living the life I wanted and pursuing that?

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:25
Well, that moment that we're meditating on what you actually wanted, and then of course, had the very serendipitous, which I find that serendipity is sometimes not so serendipitous, can't always explain it. But what led up even you wanting to begin imagining what you wanted versus what...?

Jessica Williams 16:44
Well, it was kind of like, it was a lot of things. I mean, there were a lot of signs coming my way, books I was reading. A friend of mine, she's a Sikh, and she lived in Santa Fe at the time. And...

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:56
What does that mean?

Jessica Williams 16:57
For god! I'm not the right person to ask. But it's a form of religion. And it's a belief system around non violence. And there was a gentleman who kind of ran, who was kind of the leader of the community died a while back, but he was... it's very, very into yoga and non violence. And

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:15
I'm googling right now.

Jessica Williams 17:17
Yeah, they typically were the the headdress, and she very much into yoga meditation. And she sent me this entire box of books on meditation and yoga, and I was already practicing yoga. So it helped deepen, those books help deepen my practice. And then, I mean, it was just a lot of things. It was a lot of mentors that came along my path who encouraged me, like I was in a coffee shop one day, and there was a card on a cork board, and it said, 'writing group' and I was like, "okay, that sounds good." And this was when I was living in Port townsend, I was like, I liked the writing group was comprised of two older lesbian women who lived in Port Townsend, who were like, 65, 60 years old, and it was me and them, and we'd write in their little house and drink tea. And, you know, and they were just bad ass women who've done really cool things in the world. And they were just like, you know, encouraging me. And then all the people I met at hollyhock, all the amazing women I'd met, who have either been divorced, or were in their 40s and still single, had like, encouraged me, like, your life isn't over. Like, there's so much available to you. And then somewhere along the way, Scott, someone pointed me to what color is your parachute, which is like classic career book, and I sat down and did a lot of the exercises around what I was good at, what my values were, what I felt like the kind of people I wanted to surround myself with, the kind of purpose I wanted to be involved in. And right around that time that I was looking for work in Portland, I kind of had this vision, I mean, and that's kind of the moment when I realized, I want to do something to help women because I don't want other women to be here where I am, sleeping on the floor, with no possibilities in front of me, no opportunities. And I don't know where to find resources. It was just kind of like, you know, grasping for things. And I want to be home base for those women at any stage in the game. And that was when I had the vision for the summit, which I'm now doing this fall for the first time. The first annual Superwoman summit is happening in Portland and that vision came to me over a decade ago, because I thought we have to convene women, we have to talk about this, we have to have conversation.

Jerrad Shivers 19:36
It literally made me sick, the anxiety, the stress that I was under.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:42
Jerrad's job was obviously not a fit for him.

Jerrad Shivers 19:47
Decided that maybe you know, 80, 90 hour weeks and a young family doesn't necessarily go together. So I knew I needed help and I knew I wasn't going to be able to do this by myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:59
So Jerrad came to us looking for help and found that in one on one coaching.

Jerrad Shivers 20:04
You can let life happen to you or you can happen to your life.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:07
As we worked with him, Jared and his wife really had to figure out what they really actually wanted in their life.

Jerrad Shivers 20:14
When we started to do the questionnaire and write everything down, we started our pros and cons with where we wanted to live and who wanted to be around and all that stuff. All those things added up over time in the final discussions of, okay, well, this is what I can do. And this is what I can't do. And this is what I need to do. This is how much travel I'll do in my job and how much time I will spend, you know, during the week, the immune to the concessions that I can make, what are the concessions I can't make, and all that. We've kind of just all just piled on to the end.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:45
Jerrad did a phenomenal job, not just designing the life and career that he actually wanted, but then taking the steps to make that happen.

Jerrad Shivers 20:53
I ended up with my dream job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:56
Congratulations to Jerrad on finding work that he loves and fits his family's needs, at the same time. If you want help figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how coaching can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on coaching to apply. Or pause this and text MYCOACH to 44222. Just text, MYCOACH to 44222. We'll send over the application quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail or however that goes.

Jessica Williams 21:32
Everything I did after that, like I decided that I needed a break for men from the autotrader, no offense to men out there, but like for my dad and my ex husband, to the autotrader experience, to I was working in the wineries in the valley and in Oregon trying to piece together some money. And I had a bad experience with a gentleman winemaker out there who was... who stiffed me for my salary. And I was just like, I'm done, I need to work with women, I need a break. And I got a job through someone I knew, actually a neighbor. She said, "Well, this clinic I work at, my mom works at, my sister works at sometimes, it's an OB GYN clinic, it's a women's clinic, they're hiring for receptionist" and I was like "Sign me up. I could just show up and do a job every day and heal the other parts of my life and not have to focus on work so much." And I get to work around women, and women's health and like this all seem to me so in alignment, even though I was only making $12 an hour. I was almost 30 years old and making $12 an hour. But in 2009, 2010, I was the best I could find. And honestly Scott, it was one of the best things I ever did for myself was to give myself that time. And yes, I didn't have a ton of money. And yes, there was some credit card debt, but because I still like to do things that I have enough money to do things, so like, I'd worked there for two and a half years. And one day, I think your listeners will appreciate this, one day, I was at the clinic, we had hundreds of patients coming through the clinic, and I would manage like the front desk and phones are ringing, doctors need stuff, nurses need stuff, that people are coming in, they need stuff. And I'm really good at managing all of this. And I love this. I feel high from this. I'm in my state of flow. And I started to learn about what flow meant and was like, this feels good. Why does this feel good? And I started to think it's because I'm using my greatest strengths, which is working with people and managing people's expectations and keeping the relationship intact and challenging times. And I was like, what am I doing, because at the time, I wanted to become a midwife. And I was, not only working at the clinic, but I was getting my pre-reqs to go to nursing school, which is like a long path if you've never pursued that path.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:51
Yes.

Jessica Williams 23:52
I was like, in the local community college, taking some classes and I had this like epiphany, like, what am I doing, I'm not meant to be a medical professional. I meant to do communications. I mean, that's what my bachelor's degree was in. I don't have to do sales. But I think I need to go back to communications. And that's when I decided to get my master's degree in communications, which terrific, I'm like talking a lot.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:17
This is super interesting, particularly because I knew part of your story, because we met up in Portland about a year ago. And what I didn't know is all the little pieces along the way and all the decisions that led to other decisions and epiphanies and everything else. And I think it's real. And I like that, I'm a total nerd, and I'm fascinated by this stuff and what causes people to make one set of decisions versus another. So I'm having a ton of fun. I'm curious for a couple of different things, this was like 2009, as you said, right? Someplace in there. So this is still like about eight years ago or so. And it sounds like, you're kind of going through and it's getting clearer and clearer and clearer to some degree, as far as not only the things that you don't want to be doing, but also the things that you are much more interested in. What ended up prompting you to decide to go back to school? Because that's a big commitment as well, like nursing is too. But you know, so is...

Jessica Williams 25:17
Getting a Master's degree. I mean, it's a huge investment. You know I was terrified, because I was making $12 an hour, and I didn't have any money in the bank. And I started to realize, like, there's this gap between where I'm at and being able to make that decision. And so I started asking a lot of questions like calling around, you know, asking the universities, okay, what's this going to entail? How am I going to get the money? Can I make this happen? I started to realize, like, they'll just give you a big chunk of cash to go back to school.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:45
It blows me away that...

Jessica Williams 25:46
It's amazing, right? And my employer was like, "Yeah, we'll support you. We'll let you work part time when you go back to school." And it was... I applied, at first I was like, I want to be get an MBA, because I didn't... like, I couldn't find anything that was like Master's in Communications. And I also was like, I want to run my own business someday. So I need to get an MBA to do that. And I'm terrible at math. So I took the jima and it was not pretty. I got accepted on probation. I think that's the way they call it at Portland State University into their full time MBA program, and probation for my math, as long as my math did okay, I could stay in the program. And right around that time, right around the time I got accepted, I heard a ad on, I think it was OPB, or your local PBS station. And it was an advertisement for a strategic communications program. And because my bachelor's was in communications, and that was where my real strengths were, I looked at this. And I was like, "This is perfect, because they get a little into the business, a little end of the finance, but they mostly focus on the thing that I'm most excited about, which is communications." And I applied, got in right away, like kind of in the last minute right before the program started. And it was perfect for me because like I said, it helped me build up my strengths. Instead of feeling like I was going to have to be working on my weaknesses the whole time, I get to focus on the things I was really good at. And I was so good in that program. I mean, it was easy for me, I don't know why. But it program came really easy for me. One of the cool things about it was, it was a professional master's degree. So they encouraged you to partner with local organizations, all of your projects or you could use them as case studies. And so because I knew I wanted someday to build a business or do work with an organization dedicated to women's empowerment, I picked a women's empowerment company every single time. So I could learn as much as possible about that industry or that like social good cause. And so every project I did, everything was around women's empowerment. I think my classmates were kind of getting over it. But I learned so much. And also right around that time, a big moment in my career was, I had to call a colleague at school, named Laurie and Laurie worked with Mac Pritchard in Portland, Oregon on Mac's list, which I know you know, Mac.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:09
Yeah. Mac's been on the podcast too, Episode 149, I believe.

Jessica Williams 28:13
Awesome. Yeah. So Laurie works with Mac, they're very small operation running Prichard, which was a social good PR firm and Mac's list, this kind of side project he had been focusing on for many years. And he decided he really wanted to invest and someone to help him grow the business. But I think he was a little timid so and he wanted to try people out. So he was looking for like a part time sales associate to help build up Mac's list. And Laurie recommended me because she'd seen me in action and in school. And apparently, they didn't interview anybody else. They hired me within a week. And I was so excited after two and a half years of looking and trying to find work and to be working for Mac's list, plus, I had been using Mac's list for my job search. So it just felt like a really cool opportunity. And wow, that was pivotal for me. It really propelled my career, you know, I got to surround myself with a lot of organizations doing good in Oregon. And I learned a lot because Mac's was at that time, in the very beginning early stages, I mean, that was in 2012. And, you know, they were making $5,000 a month from Mac's list, and that was barely enough to pay my salary. And so, I mean, he was really bootstrapping that business. And I kind of created because there was a lot of opportunity there. I kind of created my own position. So because I did great, I got promoted really fast. And I was given more and more opportunity. And I really just dove in.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:48
Very cool.

Jessica Williams 29:49
Yeah, I learned a lot about how to build community and we had to take a lot of my experiences around building my career and translate that in a way to help others and I love doing it. Like I love talking about career development, professional advancement, leadership. People were asking me to come and speak on the topic. We were running these events and writing blog posts, and we wrote an ebook. And I was speaking at conferences. I was over the moon having literally the time of my life with this job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22
So you've had this entire time, you've known that you wanted to do your own thing, though. So where does that come back in?

Jessica Williams 30:28
Yeah, well, it's funny, because I always told Mac, he was going to be my last employer. And we discovered Chris Guillebeau, kind of together, Chris Guillebeau, his art of Nonconformity and The World Domination Summit, which I know for those of you who aren't aware, like sounds hokey, but it's really, really cool. Their mission is to connect people around adventure service, and community. And Mac and I would go to these conferences together, and they would talk all about quitting your job and starting a business. That was literally like, the most common theme of the conference, and Mac would look at me and go, "Don't quit, don't quit." "As long as you keep me happy, I'll stick around." And so I think, honestly, that was a big part for me, I started to see these people on stage who I felt like weren't that different from me doing the thing that they loved. And I was like, the only difference between that person and me is they're doing it, like I literally have the skills. I've grown Mac's business by over 100% in three years, like, I can do this for my own business. And one day I honestly, I just kind of woke up, I was like, it's time and I didn't want to do it because Mac and I were friends. I didn't want to hurt him, or any of my colleagues, but I couldn't not quiet the whisper inside of me. And it grew to the point where I felt like I was harboring a secret from him and from the rest of the team. And I felt like I was being disingenuous, and I wasn't living in my integrity. And they had to know the truth. So I began parting ways from them in May of 2015. Kind of transition out slowly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:13
What did that look like? Because I know that you and Mac are still friends and everything along those lines. But I'm super curious, because I get this question all the time. How did you go about those conversations, especially when you're coming in... I've been there too. So I know what that feels like, where you start to feel somewhat disingenuous, because you have this other part of you that really needs to come out for lack of a better phrase, but how did you go about doing that? And what were those conversations like?

Jessica Williams 32:41
Yeah, they weren't easy, Scott, it was hard, because I really cared about... really cared about Mac. And I really cared about the team I was working with. And I really felt strongly about the work I was doing. So I just wanted to slip out the back door, you know, to avoid everybody. But it was hard. I mean, I'll be honest with you, you know, I think Mac was caught off guard. And I think in hindsight, everybody would have handled it a little differently. So the transition out was very rocky, there were some bad days in there for everybody involved, I think, because I think Mac wanted me to stick around for a long time. And I think Mac truly cared about me, and I think he felt hurt. And so the reaction wasn't from him, wasn't what I had hoped it would be. And that hurt me. And so we just had a lot of hurt feelings around. Also, it wasn't what I thought it would be. And I would tell anybody who is thinking about quitting their job to start their own business, if, you know, I went into the conversation, assuming that he was going to have a positive reaction, or at least be open to the conversation. And that wasn't what happened. And I presented this whole transition plan and this opportunity for collaboration and partnership, and I wanted to be of service and I didn't want to abandon anybody, and I wanted to do the right thing. And the reaction I was met with was not equal to that, from my perspective, and at least initially, and I was in shock and I grieved over it, it was pretty shitty times. But I would tell anybody, if you're thinking about quitting to start your own business, be very, very sure that the person you're talking to is going to support you and if not, come up with a transition plan that works for you in advance and do it in a very clear way that sets really clear boundaries, because I think I wasn't super clear. I was giving too much. I opened up too much for like, what do you want? Let's make, you know, and instead I should have probably been more like, okay, I want to start my own business, my last date is going to be blah, blah, blah, and here's my resignation notice and that's not what happened. So I would say be very clear. Be very sure you're going to get the reaction you hope for before you go into that conversation. I get a lot of people who ask me like, "I'm really close to my employer. Should I tell them, I'm looking for another job? And I'm like, "No. Not unless you're very, very sure that they're going to be cool with that."

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:11
Well, I think that there's ways that you can make sure in advance proactively, that I can help them and you'd be more sure too, yeah,I had that same experience too, I have done it four or five times, I guess, where, like I've given well over two months notice for something either, because I was like, I gave two years notice when I was leaving for my business, I guess. And there is a lot of potential danger there. And it took three years literally, of building the relationship in a very particular way, in order to have that measure of like you're talking about of being very, very, very sure.

Jessica Williams 35:50
Yeah, but even with like, I felt like I had done that. Like, sometimes our intuition tells us like, this is how it's gonna work out. And sometimes things don't work out, like we plan and we have to be prepared for that. And ultimately, I think that's okay, like, as long as you're following your heart, and you're following what feels true to you, then you're on the path, and whatever happens as a result is they support you on your path. And so, I look back and think, you know, things happened in divine and right timing for me, because ultimately, it was a gift to be like, sent out of the nest and like, go do your thing. None of this halfway and halfway out stuff and visit forced me to really get clear on my business. And right out of the gate, I mean, I started doing everything that I knew how to do to get paid, just so I could make money, make ends meet. But what really started to transform was when I got, I finally acknowledged my calling and I said, "You know what, I got to work with women, I got to work with women on professional development, leadership and the advancement of women collectively into positions of power." And the moment I owned that, was the moment everything changed for me, it was like, the universe was like clapping and applauding, and like, "you finally get it!"

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:02
Woohoo! Rainbows and butterflies.

Jessica Williams 37:03
It took you a while, but you finally get it. Like, you owned it, right. So for your listeners, if you've got a calling, just own the calling, like whatever you got to do to own it, because you're gonna own it, eventually, might as well do it sooner rather than later. So it's been a crazy journey. But the work that I do now, it is so personal to me, Scott, like I stood up on stage last week and told portions of the story that I just told you and I literally like cried on stage, when I pointed at my business and said, "This shit is personal like, this comes from a very deep place. I feel like perhaps I've been doing this kind of work in past lives. I have been doing this work energetically, spiritually for a very long time. Empowering and supporting women is my calling. And I will do this unapologetically for the rest of my lifee, if everything permits me to do that, because I can't imagine doing anything else. I literally can't."

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:59
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm curious about your opinion on this too. But it seems like when you go through all the types of things, and types of experiences and different types of loss, and other winds and one thing leading to another, when you go through all of that, it seems like it makes it so much sweeter once you're actually embedded in it.

Jessica Williams 38:24
It totally does. I mean, you know, it's not to say that, like, I hate to tell the story that like I earned it because I struggled because I like to think that we don't have to struggle to arrive at this place. But for me, the story of my getting here is like a pushing off point. It's like, you know, it gives me, you know, when you get into the pool, and you push off the side to go swim, and you get that big boost of energy, that's what that was. Like all of that is the brick on the side of the pool. And now I'm just like floating through the water and swimming, and it's just like, keep swimming. That's all I have to do now. I'm on the path. I help women negotiate their salaries, and I see them getting higher raises, as a result making thousands of dollars more. I help women build businesses that feel in alignment. I'm a certified life coach. So I help them overcome a lot of the limiting beliefs and stories and things that are standing in their way from achieving their real dreams. I'm also a certified yoga instructor. So I like compiling all of this to help them get into their bodies and tap into their intuition. Because I really feel like we all, women and men, we need to start tapping into something deeper, to create, to build to innovate and to solve some of the bigger problems that we have to solve in this world. And in order to do that, we're going to have to get super creative and we can't do that if we're like walking around. And that scarcity mindset of resources are scarce, opportunities are limited,abilities are, you know, it's competitive out there to get things, like, we have to assume abundance.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:06
Well, I think that, that's what when you and I sat down over coffee or little great little coffee shop, and I remember talking to you about how your thought process around this works. And that's one of the things that appealed to me about you, because you are looking at this so much more holistically, and you talk about things like calling, which I think is a pretty intimidating word to a lot of people, especially if you're like, I don't know what my flippin calling is, I don't know if I'm ever going to know what my calling is necessarily. And I think for anybody to have a chance at that, you have to be incredibly in tune with yourself, in all areas.

Jessica Williams 40:46
Yeah, one of my favorite quotes, Scott, is "leadership development is self development." And I go so far as to say that professional development is self development. So in order to figure out what your purpose is, what your calling is, what you're passionate about, you got to do the inner work. And in order to do the inner work, a lot of stuff is going to come up that you might not want to deal with, that might be hard, that might be scary, that might be overwhelming might be confusing. But if you don't look at that, I think you'll remain stuck in a life of... you lack satisfaction that I know that your people crave. So doing that inner work, whatever you got to do, hire a coach, recruit mentors, you know, take courses like you offer, listen to podcasts, read books, go on adventures and journeys. I took off for a month and went to Thailand by myself when I was 30 as like a vision quest for myself, like, I have to do this. I still do stuff like that all the time. Like, you have to take that time for yourself to reflect and to figure out, hey, where are you going to go? How are you going to do it?

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:56
I think that's a must. And I know some people are looking at that when... that's part of the reason why, you know, we went to Europe for six weeks, about a couple of, geez, I guess six months ago now. And then why we're going to the UK for a month next year. But to be able to get away and have those experiences and be able to reflect and everything like that. But even if you can't go to Thailand, even if you can't go to the UK, I still think that you can create little mini versions of that, too. I mean, I started recently going stand up paddleboarding every single morning. And the main reason for that is it's like getting away on the water. There's nobody else on the water at 5am. And it forces that reflection. And I think that that is super good advice from you in order to be able to get to that deeper level. And this is super cool, by the way, there's been an awesome conversation. And first of all, thank you, by the way, this is...

Jessica Williams 42:48
You're welcome.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:48
Yeah, and thanks for making the time, we've been trying to schedule back and forth for quite a while now. And I'm so glad that we got to finally have the conversation.

Jessica Williams 42:56
Me too. It's been so fun. And you know, to tell my story from the perspective of you know, how I navigated my career, you know, it's been just an honor. Thank you, Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:08
Absolutely. So for anybody that wants to get more Jessica, where and how can they get in touch with you?

Jessica Williams 43:18
I like to say all things Superwoman, like literally own all the URLs for Superwoman stuff. So the superwomanproject.com. Also, you guys, I am over the moon, summit I'm doing in the fall. And you can learn more about that at superwomansummit.com. I've recruited over 35 speakers, we have three days geared towards the professional development and leadership development for women. It's going to be amazing. And early bird tickets are on sale right now for that, you can also, I have my own podcast where I interview women around the world about their career stories. And we often get into a theme and give you a lot of advice. The name of that podcast is Superwoman Chronicles so you can find that at superwomanchronicles.com and everything else superwomanproject.com I'm @jessicajoellen that's my middle name on Twitter, everything social @jessicajoellen. And feel free to email me at jessica@superwomanproject.com I love to hear from everybody. And if I can be of service, please reach out.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:26
Awesome. Thank you again, thanks for taking the time and making the time. I really, really appreciate it, Jessica.

Jessica Williams 44:31
You're welcome, Scott. Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 44:42
Hey, I just want to cut in here and tell you that we've been getting so many questions from our listeners about how to actually use your strengths to get hired, how to career change with them, that we put together the ultimate guide to using your strengths to get hired. And I want you to be able to take advantage of it because in this guide, we actually go through and talk about how strengths operate differently than what you think they do, and why they can be one of the keys to doing work that you love and how you can actually do that. Plus, we talk about four specific ways to get started immediately, identify what we call your 'signature strengths' and then even how to represent those strengths in the interview process. And we go into how to answer some of the most common questions that you would get too. So if you want all that and a whole bunch more, there's a lot packed into this guide, we can send it over right away, all you have to do is text MYSTRENGTHS, that's strengths, plural, MYSTRENGTHS, no space, plural, to 44222, we'll ask you for what your email address and where you want us to send it, and then we'll pop it right over. That's it. That's all you have to do, MYSTRENGTHS, go ahead and text that to 44222. And by the way, I want to say thank you so much, because many of you have gone over to iTunes or Stitcher and left us a rating and review. This is the way that we get more people to find the show, and that means if we get more people to find the show, then that allows more of us to be able to make a change, which as it turns out, is the whole goal here. So I want to say thank you and read a review. This one comes from, joinupdots it's a five star review says, "happened your career should be a much or a must listen, not much listen" much listened to but how about a must listen, "I'm an avid podcast listener and been very pleased to stumble across HTYC, there was good banter, connection amongst the two main presenters and a standard of guests is very good indeed. I look forward to hearing more from Scott and the others. And we'll promote others to listen." Hey, thanks so much, really very much appreciate that. And thanks to everybody else who's gone over and taking the time so that we can get more people to work that they absolutely love. We have so much more coming in store for you next week on Happen To Your Career, take a listen to what we've got coming up.

47:03
So I went to school for civil engineering. During college I did a co-op program. So I would work for a semester, go back to school for a semester, back to work. And through that I realized that there's a lot of parts of engineering that I liked, but it didn't really touch on all of me.

Scott Anthony Barlow 47:20
All that plenty more right here next week on Happen To Your Career. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you taking the time and making the time and hanging out with us. We'll see you next week. Adios. I'm out.

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Overcoming Your Fears and Taking Action to Find Career Success with Cesar Ponce de Leon

“WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED TO DO?”
“WAS THIS JUST A WASTE OF TIME?”
“HOW DO I MAKE A CAREER CHANGE WITHOUT HAVING THAT BACKGROUND EXPERIENCE?”

There are so many questions that plague people that have decided to take the bull by the horns and make a career change for themselves.

The ups and downs that they encounter before they make the official jump to a new job position, organization, industry, or business venture are sometimes glossed over once they find success.

But, people that find that success as they transition to a new stage in their career know all too well the hard work, the endless days and nights they were kept awake at night, and the energy it took to put in the work to get where they are today.

One of those people is Cesar Ponce de Leon.

We had the pleasure of working with him as he took on the challenge to move from his previous job in legal affairs to a role at an organization that spoke more to his heart and true life calling.

Cesar ran into a few stumbling blocks along the way, but with the right tools and resources he was able to find success in his career transition.

His story of hard work and non-stop effort is one to take note of, so we’ve put together an outline of his biggest challenges and the process that he followed to guide him through to reach his career goals.

Check it out!

CAREER CHANGE CHALLENGES

The biggest challenges that Cesar faced when he realized that he wanted to leave his job were:

1. Jumping from the legal sector as a paralegal to work at a non-profit organization in a role that helps people change their lives  — a completely different focus in an entirely different industry, but nonetheless his ultimate career goal

2. Figuring out where to start his job search to find that new role

Even with those  specific challenges in mind, Cesar was ready to get moving on his career change and did what most people getting back into the career search game do:

HE SEARCHED FOR JOB DESCRIPTIONS THAT SOUNDED CLOSE ENOUGH TO WHAT HE WAS AIMING FOR ON INDEED,
AND HE APPLIED, APPLIED, AND APPLIED.

BUT, just like the majority of everyone else getting back into the career search game, he didn’t hear back from a single place he applied to.

Nada. ZeroZilch.

ANOTHER OBSTACLE —

JUST WHEN HE GAINED A LITTLE TRACTION BY TAKING THE INITIATIVE TO JUMP RIGHT INTO HIS NEW CAREER SEARCH…

Cesar soon came to the realization that maybe  he underestimated the whole new career transition process.

He was faced with the fact that his career journey wasn’t going to be as easy as he had thought.

Not only did he have no background experience in non-profit work, but nobody was returning his inquiries for the positions he had applied for.

Cesar began to hit some of those internal road blocks and mental barriers that naturally come along with the career change journey — don’t worry, that is normal.

Cesar was beginning to feel feelings of fear, detachment, anxiety, and stress about the fact that he had no experience in the field he was hoping to move into. He found himself stuck and unsure of what to do next.

REGAIN FOCUS AND PERSPECTIVE

He took a step back from being paralyzed by these new challenges and decided to become more proactive about his career search and went right back to the drawing board.

And, just like all High Performers, he refused to settle and realized that he couldn’t make this change on his own and began research on career coaching programs and stumbled on an episode of the Happen to Your Career podcast.

He decided to reach out to HTYC to help him reevaluate his career transition.

IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR STRUGGLES. YOU HAVE TO REACH OUT. DON’T KEEP THEM IN. IF YOU KEEP THEM IN MOST LIKELY YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ACTION. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE PROACTIVE AND THAT’S JUST GOING TO DELAY YOUR PROCESS.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

Cesar enrolled in Career Change Bootcamp and found that the program offered him the framework that he wasn’t able to develop on his own. He found the program helped him:

  • Overcome his fears by providing strategies to get over those “hiccups that he was going through
  • Follow a step-by-step process that gave him the confidence to reach his end career goals
  • Target the specific jobs and organizations that fit his ideal career
  • Create a script to reach out to the right people at the right organizations
  • Supported him along the way whenever he lost motivation

HTYC gave Cesar a structured outline to follow that ultimately gave him the results he was hoping for.

Below, is a case study of the step-by-step process Cesar followed in order to make this career transition a success.

OVERCOMING FEAR

The biggest obstacle that Cesar had to get over before he could really move forward with his career change were the barriers that he created in his own head.

Cesar had him ask himself:

Will you do whatever it takes to get out of there?

Working with HTYC made him realize his own fears, get to the root of the cause, and accept those feelings as he worked through those fears and forced himself to take action.

Cesar began looking at his career change in a new light. He discovered that:

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO ACCEPT WHATEVER CHALLENGES COME.

Once you accept those challenges you have to be willing to fight for them.

With a different outlook on his career transition, Cesar went to work and learned to “do things with fear” to get the results he wanted.

I HAD TO COME TO THE REALIZATION OF SAYING, ‘OKAY, OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING, I NEED TO START TAKING ACTION.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

IDENTIFY STRENGTHS 

Knowing your strengths helps you focus the lens of the skills and talents that you can offer an organization to benefit their end goal.

Cesar put in the work with the exercises offered in the CCB program and used recommended resources like the StrengthsFinder test to assess exactly what he could offer organizations as he continued his career search.

EVALUATE VALUES

Figuring out what you want, need, and value in your career (and life) will help you continue to hone in on not only what new position will fit the your new list of “must haves,” but finding those values will also get you more familiar with the type of organization you should be looking for to match your wants, needs, and values.

Cesar put a lot of thought into his values and what type of ideal job position would fit his (and his family’s) lives.

What he did to start was make a list. He wrote down his past job experiences and began thinking about what he liked about them and what he didn’t like.  He went on to further evaluate (based on the information that he got from looking into his past) and created a list of what he did want and all of the absolutes that his new role and organization would have to include and why.

CREATE IDEAL CAREER PROFILE

With Cesar’s new lists of strengths and values in hand, he was able to move on the the next step — creating his Ideal Career Profile (ICP).

This is where he took his list of values and prioritized which of his values were most important.

With this newly filtered information, Cesar was able to match his values with job priorities to narrow down the roles he was most interested in pursuing.

He also identified the non-profit organizations that were more aligned with his values.

Cesar was now armed with a targeted list of organizations and a solid understanding of the role he would like to have at any of the non-profits he identified. He also had a new sense of hope with the creation of his ICP.

By being able to identify and hand-pick the organizations he wanted to work with, Cesar understood exactly what he was looking for and wasn’t going to stop working until he got it.

REACH OUT TO ORGANIZATIONS

Cesar’s final step was taking that list of organizations that he identified and reach out to them.

His goal was to establish a relationship with the right people in these organizations and let them know who he was and what he could offer them.

Cesar used the HTYC script resources and tailored them to fit his needs to bypass a lot of gatekeepers within his top organizations.

I HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING PROACTIVE AND PRACTICAL TO GET TO THE DECISION MAKER.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

He implemented the “Relationships Before Resumes” method of developing and fostering a relationship with one of executives of his top organization.

What is the Relationship Before Resumes method?

It’s the process in which you:

  • Establish yourself with the important people at an organization
  • Personalize the relationship you develop by digging deeper than asking for a job
  • Give love, to get love

Most of the time, the way you stand out in a sea of job applicants is by being human.

Cesar quickly discovered that the one thing that people want to see more than your skills is your character.

When you show genuine interest in someone’s life outside of work, they are more inclined to remember you for that and keep you in mind for things that come up in the future.

That is exactly how Cesar was able to differentiate himself from the rest of the job hunters.

IF I LET MY EMOTION DRIVE ME THROUGH THIS PROCESS, THEN I’M NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE.

CESAR PONCE DE LEON

Today, Cesar is four months into his job at the #1 non-profit organization that he had his eye on.

That’s not to say that’s just because he got lucky.

He put in the work.

He developed a relationship with key people at the organization that best fit his values. He volunteered at the organization to showcase his skills. He was given project after project, and finally once a position opened up. He was the first person they called.

He followed the process and not once did he try and rush through to land any job he was able to get.

In fact, during the process, Cesar received another job offer, but had to refuse as he was already working along his process and developing a bond with the executive at the organization that he now works for.

He didn’t even blink an eye when he turned down that other job offer. With his work in determining his strengths, realizing his values, and creating his Ideal Career Profile, Cesar fully understood himself well enough that he knew EXACTLY what he was working towards and why he was doing it.

His ICP helped him identify and guide him to the career that was ideal for him right now.

Cesar’s story demonstrates how overcoming your fears, hard work, tenacity, and resilience pays off.

It wasn’t an easy journey to switch career from one industry to another, but it is possible.

If you are willing to overcome your fears and accept your next career goal challenges, with a little help and guidance you can happen to your career, too.

You can find more information on our Career Change Bootcamp here. If you’re interested in more CCB success stories, check out Sarah Hawkins and Tanya Malcom Revell.

DOWNLOAD THE TRANSCRIPT TO THE EPISODE NOW

Introduction 00:00
This the Happen To Your Career podcast, Episode 186.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 00:07
I guess that the changing factor for me was that, first and foremost, I didn't really have an understanding of values until that moment, which I look at some of the basics. And then HTYC reinforced it the process. You know what I'm saying?

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:28
This is Happen To Your Career, we help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing, or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 00:50
I knew I was looking for something. I could tell you exactly what I didn't want but I had a really hard time defining what I wanted.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:57
This is Tanya, she came to HTYC looking for clarity she needed to move forward.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 01:03
So that I had this great structure that I could talk to because it was the base of who I was, with the additional piece of what I was looking for now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:12
Listen for Tanya's story later on in the episode to learn how she used career change bootcamp to help her finally figure out what fits her.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 01:21
It is the single best thing that I have done.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:28
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you are listening to Happen To Your Career. This is the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories we get to bring on experts like MJ Fitzpatrick, who helps people make decisions and give themselves permission to do just crazy amazing things. Or people like Eric Murphy who was in a job that didn't fit his values and made a drastic change to one that, not only did, but paid him more at the exact same time for doing what he loved in where he loved and something that lined up with who he actually is. These are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing. And they're people just like our next guest, Cesar Ponce de Leon.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 02:14
I used to work in the legal industry. And now I work in that nonprofit industry. I work for a large nonprofit company that helps people change in their lives. So that is what I do now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:25
And this is going to be a super fun episode, because Cesar was struggling in a not very fun place for quite a while. And he knew that he wanted to make a change. And he was Uber-frustrated. So he actually invited us to come along for the ride, because he knew that he needed help. So you're gonna get to hear his story today. But he did a few things that were particularly amazing, and also that you can do too. And I wanted to be able to share his journey with you. And he was so gracious to be able to come on and share it with you at the exact same time. Because I think that there's a lot that we can all learn from other people that have just gone through the process of where many, many of you that are listening, many HTYCers out there want to be. Alright, here he is, right here.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 03:13
I mean, there were ups and downs. And obviously, before changing the organization, I was in the legal industry for eight years, I was a paralegal, wanted to go to law school, and then realize that's not what I wanted to do. And then the question came up, what is it that I need to do? And obviously, in that process, you know, sometimes you just think, "Oh, I'm gonna just rock the world." But when you realize that is not easy, and that you need help, that's when you start looking for help. And that's exactly what I've done. That's how I landed into HTYC.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:40
Yeah, absolutely. And we'll definitely talk about that, too. I'm super curious, though. You mentioned law school, and I knew that about your past. But what caused you to realize that law school was not going to be good for you?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 03:53
For me, it was more than likely intentions, because, first and foremost, to understand, you know, what got me there, I guess we need to go through the beginnings of...

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:01
Let's go through the beginnings. Let's do it.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 04:03
So I landed at this job because I needed cash.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:08
Verifiable reason. Yeah.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 04:10
I started as a legal assistant firm, and then after that, I moved up to paralegal. And after being a paralegal, I went to office management. Okay, and obviously, as I told you a few seconds ago, the reason why I took the job is because I needed the money to really pay my bills. And that's how I landed in the legal industry. And for the first month, obviously, it was a struggle because you're learning everything, you know, from just doing intakes, right, to just doing a whole variety of things. And that is exactly what I've done. And obviously, it was hard. In my mindset, I thought I needed to persist, because quitting was not an option for me. And once I have learned all of the duties required by my position, I saw something pretty interesting that my boss was making lots of money. He was successful, and powerful. You know, just the fact that you tell somebody, "Hey I'm a lawyer." People automatically respect to you, you know, it's like you earn people's respect. And I've seen that and I kind of crave that at that moment, particularly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:09
Yeah, isn't that funny, though, we have so many associations with different types of titles, or opportunities or positions or anything like that. And lawyers, to your point, definitely one of them. And what's kind of cool, though, is that you realize that part of it was something that you craved in that moment. So why do you think that was for you?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 05:27
I don't know. I mean, I guess it was the fact that I wanted to, at that point in my life, okay, as I was growing up, yeah, I always wanted people to, you know, respect me. And to know that if I went somewhere, or did something that the lawyer title was going to come out, and people are automatically going to be like, "okay, now we have to bill."

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:45
Lawyer has entered the room.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 05:47
Absolutely. So that was kind of like the equation part of it, you know, at the moment, and then obviously, as people also picture, I think it happens to a lot of law school students. And by the way, I don't want to over generalize here, but I believe that with some Law School students, they see you know, the Hollywood side of law, you know, that you're going to go in, and you're going to have this huge case. But when they come to the reality of what the legal job, that the position may look like, they're like, "whoa," you know, I didn't know that's what it was, you know? And at least for my position, I was attracted to the power, the security that comes out of the position, which were attracted to the at the moment. But what led to the change, I guess, just to say, you know, is it really for me, I believe that I think it was my third year in law firm, once I actually got a hold of everything. And I moved back into my role. I guess at that point, I was transitioning from college, to the university. And something interesting happened in my life. And that was, I found my faith in God, which that kind of changed my perspective on seeing things, you know, and even my motives, to pursue law, I decided to get a degree in religious studies so that as I were going to law school, you know, I will get a liberal arts degree, to be able to go into law school and what happened, but in that process of studying religion, and just to understand my faith, my values and all of that, I realized "No, is law something really worth pursuing for? Like, if my motives were power before, and chasing high financials, can I do it only with law?" I guess what my major kind of helped me realize it at the moment is that, a law may not be for me, it helped me changing my view on values.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:27
Interesting in what way? I'm super curious about that. Because values are something we spent a lot of time discussing here on the show, but also with our students and clients. And I know you know that, but what caused for you some of the change and how you were looking at values?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 07:41
I guess the changing factor for me was that, first and foremost, I didn't really have an understanding of values until that moment, which I look at some of the basics, and then HTYC reinforced it the process. You know what I'm saying?

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:54
Absolutely.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 07:55
I thought that devalues were always the same. I thought that there were a standard that I had a follow at the moment. And for instance, everybody craves for power. Everybody craves with this. And because everybody craves for those things, I should look for them, you know. But when I really came to the realization of studying theology, and doing my religious studies, I started asking, "Who am I?" That's the question, you know, who am I? What is it that really valued reality? Because, am I just looking or chasing for something that is completely false, or completely something that may align to other people's values, but not with mine, you know, or with my core being. And so that was something that I kind of realized. And then obviously, in that process of realizing things, and just understanding the 'Who am I' part of me, I continue to do it. And I was going through a lot of difficult times too, working at law firm, which one of them was, I was always fighting with industries to get great results for the client. And a lot of the fights were the first three years you kind of get the energy, but after a long time, you energy, just take it as it used to. And then secondly, I guess, part of my big issue is that you work so hard to get good results, right? As you're in the front lines. But your clients were unhappy with the results that you get.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:11
Yeah, I remember talking to you about that, too. And for you, if I recall correctly, in the way that you had identified, you needed to be able to help people, you had to have some of that positive reinforcement in a variety of different ways, or that positive type of feedback for it to be truly fulfilling for you. So it kind of like mashed oil and water a little bit.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 09:32
Yeah, what happens is, you know, like, even we know with the thing of going to law school, I envision disease or pretty much speaking to people, you know, arguing for the case, and just going for it, you know what I'm saying? Later on I realize that helping people is something that I want to do, right, but I want to actually help people change positively for the better. You know what I'm saying as opposed to a legal issue going through, you know, the legal process to be able to solve that issue, I want to be able to help people in order way, which I think is what I'm good at, which is to influence people, encourage them, helping them grow. And I realized that as a result of the why question that I had with myself at that moment, because obviously, if I work to chase money and power, and those things that, they are not bad in and of itself, I mean, we all need security, we'll need some self of knowledge, we have to not be naive about things. But if you paid and you tied those things, and you are not even sure that they fit with what you really value, then you're chasing the wrong things. And that's what happens to a lot of people in America.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:38
What you were saying about values is super interesting to me, partially, because I'm embedded in this stuff every single day. And we spend a lot of time teaching this stuff. However, it's interesting to see it in action. And it's most interesting, where you kind of made this progression, almost, where initially, you're looking at, hey, here's what everybody else is doing. And obviously, everybody wants these things. So we think that everybody wants these things. So we should be doing it too, right? So you kind of went from that point. And that part of the reason why you were initially interested in law school, and by the way, some people like never get to that level of honesty with themselves their entire life. So first of all, kudos to you. And then second of all, after you made that mental transition, and started looking at, hey, here's some of the ways that I want to help people, here's what's really incredibly important to me. And here's what lines up with my values. I'm curious what you began doing after that point. How did that change your daily life after you had some of those realizations?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 11:43
Well, for me, again, just weighing the pros and cons of deciding what was really making me happy at the moment, oh, and I realized that at law firm, I was not as happy. I was fighting all the time, it was a lot of toxicity, you know, just getting good clients that were ungrateful for the hard work that you've done for them. And I was doing a lot of case auditing and case management, which was okay to me at some point. But it was not how I wanted to help people. The legal part of it, it's amazing, because you help people through it, you know what I'm saying? But I guess when I came to the realization that, why did I really wanted to, when I was honest with myself, and realize that maybe it wasn't too much of the power, maybe it wasn't too much of the money, but it wasn't the influence. And then I came to realize, okay, how do I want to influence now? Is it at the courtroom, fighting for cases and defending clients and what have you, or with something that I'm great at, and that's where HTYC came, so helpful to me, because it kind of helped me define what my strengths, what I'm good at. And not just that, you know, because obviously, HTYC, you know, kind of gives you the platform for it. But I also went out and seek out for confirmations for other people's, which it came to the point that those were my strengths. And now I don't know what the true North Point looks like. I don't know what it is, I kind of know what it looks like.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:03
Yeah, and for a little bit of reference too, for everyone that's listening, first of all, that's awesome. And second of all, what you mentioned, there is one of the things that we'll often have people do through the career change bootcamp program, where you're actually going out and seeking out some of those validations. And we have people do that in some really specific ways. But, and it sounds like you were hearing back and getting those types of validations about your strengths and what you were great at from other people. Is that right?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 13:33
Yeah, yeah, that's what it was, you know, obviously, people were saying, "hey, you're this, you're that, you know, these are your strengths, you're very good with this." And then I was like, whoa. It's crazy because obviously, without them, telling them what the process was with HTYC, I was like, I got those plan. And it was amazing to just hear those confirmations from others. But this is at the level of HTYC after I made the decision to get to HTYC. But before that, I kind of knew that my thing was influencing, okay. And then you know, weighing the pros and cons of continuing in the law firm. I said, "You know what, I'm going to move on" because obviously, I came to the realization that love may not be exactly for me. And after that, obviously, I did some research on personality tests. I think I took them all.

Scott Anthony Barlow 14:21
I remember you emailing me and saying that, like, "I think I've taken all of these."

Cesar Ponce de Leon 14:25
Some people may not your audience, I went through like Myers Briggs test, and I don't even know how many to the disc profile and whatever you want to name it. Okay, so once I got this results, I'm like, "Okay, great. So I get the results. Now I start applying to every job that I can. And I started applying and applying in the conventional way, right that people do it all the time, right? Go on indeed.com. I'm gonna go to all these websites, and I'm just going to start applying to all of his jobs. And what that did for me, it actually was more frustrating because I wasn't getting any responses. I think I only made it to one interview and then that interview, which I was not prepared for, that they never called me back, I understandably enough, you know, I wasn't prepared for it. So they didn't call me back. So I spent most of my evenings applying to different jobs and got no results. And that kind of made me anxious. And a little bit upset, to say the least, because I was like, you know, I'm applying to all of these jobs. And I'm doing all of these things, and I'm not getting any responses whatsoever. And that's what actually made me feel stuck. It made me you know, kind of lose my confidence on but I was actually starting to believe of myself. So I was like, you know, I'm a great influencer and this or that, but started losing my confidence. I was like, you know, what, maybe I'm not good enough. I started feeling stuck. And what a lot of people go through is that when you read those job descriptions, if you want to be this or work for this position, right, you have to have five or 10 years of experience in doing this, this and that. And I'm like, I think I just graduated from college like two years ago.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:02
It's fairly demoralizing, or like, even if you've got 17 or 19 years experience, or I don't know, 10 years experience, or whatever it might be, like, it always seems like no matter what role you're looking at, it's like, "Ah, that's ridiculous. Why do I need 15 years of experience for that? Why would you ask for that? Like, I can totally do that." And then yeah, it's depressing. So that's where you were then, it sounds like before you came to us, and you've gotten all of this information about yourself, you've gone through every assessment under the sun. And then you've gone on the demoralizing sending off application train. Was that the point where you began to look for help? Or what happened after that?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 16:43
To answer the question, yes. But first and foremost, that's when I came to my... to the realization that I was like, "You know what, I can't do this alone. I can't do this alone. Because obviously, one of my biggest fears at that moment was that I've been working in the legal industry for such a long period of time, eight years of my life, I invested in this to not do it anymore. You know what, I wasted eight years. How am I going to transition to a new career when I have no experience in that career? How am I going to switch into a new job opportunity or even industry when there is really nothing to give? And I think that a lot of HTYCers right now, in that moment, but let me tell you, let me give you an encouragement that that's just a mental thing. Okay, once you pass that mental barrier, which that's what we discuss in the bootcamp, right. Once you pass the mental barrier, okay, you're able to do those things. Now, I'm not gonna say that you're just automatically one day in the morning, going to wake up with no fear, because one of the things that I did was doing things with fear, okay, but I did them with fear. And that is what got me results.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:43
That is such a great point. And I think for some reason, we all have this impression, I'm either going to be able to do these things, and I'm going to be 100% confident and I'm going to be able to do them with no fear or I'm not that type of person, so I just can't do them almost. Some reason we don't allow the latitude for the in between which is reality, which is exactly what you just said, like, you are scared, it is scary. And you also have to do the things, whatever the things are.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 18:10
Absolutely. Because obviously, you know, people have this assumption that okay, you know, if I stopped people right now, I'm not going to have the symptoms, okay, it's like a scar, when you have an scar, your scar ain't go and be gone tomorrow, okay, your scar is going to be there until it fully heals. But regardless, you know, you have the scar or not, we have to continue moving, we have to continue using your arm and moving forward. And that is something that I kind of learn at that moment, or going through the process that even if I'm scared of calling companies, calling you to hiring managers or whatever how to get it done. But before we get to that, the question was, you know, how you got to HTYC because at that mental barrier, huge mental barrier that we're talking about, did not give me peace, it gave me a lot of anxiety, stress. At one point I was so stressed that I was almost... I felt like I was detached, you know from society. I remember my birthday last year, to my birthday dinner, had to step away and go to the restroom. Because I was so afraid and paralyzed at the moment that somehow I started feeling detached. And when I started seeing those things in myself afterwards, I was like, you know what, I need help. This is obviously what's causing me all of these problems, staying stuck, paralyzed, you know, it's affecting my health. And I need to take a proactive step. Now, obviously, with that, I went ahead and researched you know, for a few coaching programs. And then one day I was in my car in that Friday, and I said, I think I search for how to change careers or wherever. And that's how I landed to your podcast. And it was so amazing. It was such a blessing because I feel like you were very real. Okay. And you had very good knowledge of the situation. You knew what you were talking about. And not only that, you know, I felt that I could relate with you and the team. And that was amazing because after that, I was like, I need to subscribe to this podcast, listening, listening, listening. And then at one point, I was like, you know what I think I need to communicate. First and foremost, one of the things that I always tell people is that if you're going through something you have to share, you know, your struggles, you have to out, don't keep them in, because if you keep them in, most likely, you're not going to take action, you're not going to be proactive. And that's just going to delay your process. And I think I needed to tell my problem to somebody who has experience in it. And that's what I did. That's how I reached out to you, I think I sent you a pretty long email, which God bless you, if you read the whole thing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:39
I read the whole thing twice.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 20:41
That is something that I want to tell people is that one of the things that immediately got me more interested in going with you is that not only you took the time, because anybody could say, "Hey, thank you for your email, give me a call, or I'll give you a call. You know, when you have a few minutes." You actually responded, you actually broke down that email into small segments and recorded a video explaining the situations and that video was specifically designed for my situation, which that blew my mind. Because quite frankly, I've never seen anybody doing that before. And that actually got me motivated. Because I'm like, first and foremost, this guy, Scott, is taking his time to really hear my problem to understand what my problem is. And he's actually offering solutions on how he can help me transitioning from where I really like to be in the future. And that's why I decided to go and sign up with HTYC to help me making that transition.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:37
Well, I sure appreciate that feedback. And that means a lot to me, it's something that we are very committed to doing in a variety of different ways, we are very committed to making this really challenging process, I'm going to call it a process. Sometimes it's more like a bit of a hell than a process. But we want it to be personal because it is personal. And I'm super, super excited that you found a way too. Actually we're going to hire more people, because we get so many of those types of emails now that I'm finding it difficult to respond to those on my own. And many of our other team members are have been helping out. So it's a cool problem to have as the company in the podcast and everything has grown over the last number of years. So I'm so glad you found it that way. But I was super curious, though, because you went through this. I mean, just like you said, a year ago, you had your birthday dinner, and you felt completely detached at that point. And now you've been in this role for months. So in between, what do you feel like was one of the most difficult parts for you in making this transition and actually doing the work? Let's start there.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 22:47
Well, sure, I'll share some with you. One of them was overcoming fear, because obviously, even going through the process, I think that I guess with HTYC, you get certain weeks, you know, where you do different tasks, which by the way, are amazing tasks. But even when it's time to do the work of calling, hiring managers and getting a hold of people is, you still have the fear, you're like, oh, you still have it. And that kind of like pushes you to do other things. And to me, that was a challenge, overcoming my fears. But as I mentioned to you a few seconds ago, at one point, I had to come to the realization if I let my emotion drive me through this process, then I'm not gonna get anywhere. I had to come to the realization of saying, "okay, objectively speaking, I need to start taking actions and follow Scott's advice and recommendation and a need to be in communication with him to let him know what's going on." Because you did something great, okay. You overcome fear with good and the good that you have done is provided strategies to help me overcome those hiccups and issues that I was going through.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 23:59
I knew I was looking for something. I could tell you exactly what I didn't want but I had a really hard time to finding what I wanted.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:06
Tanya struggled with what she wanted in her career and her life.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:09
It really came down to my need to find a career in which I, a: could be proud of, b: could develop myself and grow more with.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:21
Career change bootcamp helped her realize what she really wanted. And she went to work on figuring it out.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:26
Because you're going to get so much more out of it, based upon what you put into it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:31
Tanya now had a plan to take action.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:34
It has brought me from a place of not knowing, a place of not being competent and being able to bring myself to others and to explain who and what I am.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:46
Having a great plan wasn't the only thing she gained from career change bootcamp though.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:50
Being able to present myself to my peers and having that confidence to be able to do that in a manner that resonated.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:58
Congratulations to Tanya on finding work that she loves with her dream company Wanderlust. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how career change bootcamp can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on career change bootcamp. Or text MYCOACH to 44222, pause right now and we'll send over the application. Just text, MYCOACH to 44222.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 25:28
I can honestly say that I would not be where I'm at today without the HTYC crew.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 25:36
First and foremost, you understand that once you come to the realization of what fear does, okay, you get too stuck and paralyzed. And when I realized that was a problem, I decided to take action. Action in following you know, one of the strategies that you recommended, at least to me was, okay, you need to actually go to the hiring manager, or even the executive of the companies to be able to understand more of the position or to get your foot in the door and things like that. They don't even respond to my resume on indeed, how are they going to take my call. But the reality is completely different. But it was the fear that was blocking me. But once I said, you know what, I have to actually do something proactive to be able to get to the decision maker. And that is exactly what I've done. You provided amazing scripts, which people will know that because, you provide everything, brother, so that's why I am so thankful. And then obviously I tell her that script according to my needs,, and you know what, it went really got me the opportunity to bypass a lot of gatekeepers and get to the hiring managers or the decision makers. And that's how I landed at my job. I had to go to the decision maker of the company, who was, you know, the Chief Operations Officer, and let him know, "hey, by the way, I'm interested in your organization, I'm interested in the company. And obviously, I don't know too much about the industry. But I want to know, and I want to get to learn more of it" and keep it and say, "Hey, great! Thank you for letting me know." And then he asked me questions. "What is it that you like about the company? How did you get to even this decision?" He asked me very deep questions, which, by God's grace, I was able to respond to those, and then, Scott, you know what he did, he started following up with me and started giving me small projects to large projects. And that ended in a job, but I guess overcoming the fear of saying, "okay, I'm gonna go ahead and call the higher ups and just try to get myself through it, and talk to the people that make the decision."

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:33
So many people get stuck in those fears. And I definitely hear what you're saying about once you got to action, like that was the thing that helps with the fear, ultimately. But I'm curious, what was an example of one thing that worked for you to be able to take you from that place, you know, they're not even returning my calls, when I'm going through the regular process all the way to making the calls from them, and moving through that fear so that you could get to that action at least one or two times. Because after you started seeing that, hey, this is working. But there's... it seems like sometimes there's a big gap in between there. And I know it's different for everybody. What was one thing that worked for you to force yourself to take action, if you will?

Cesar Ponce de Leon 28:15
Well, first and foremost, I guess it was a process. You know, I wouldn't say that it was one thing particularly, but I know that when we were going through the bootcamp, we talked about relationships before resumes, right? But in order to send your resumes, I think that there is a step. I don't know if it's before or after that, but that was select an ideal companies that you'd like to work for. Okay. And establishing a relationship with those companies. And to me was, okay, how am I going to do that by send them an application, and they're just gonna throw it away? How can I stand out in a way that would be different, you know, unconventional, if you will?

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:56
Yeah, absolutely.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 28:57
What I've done particularly in that situation is based on your advice, right, was to get their email address, get their phone number, bypass the gatekeeper. To me in that situation, particularly, I actually attended a non profit organization. And I volunteered before but not as a high level volunteer. I never know who the execs work for the company. So I had to actually find out, we don't ask the questions to people, who is the one of the execs here and that's how I got to the Chief of Operations, who makes the decisions for their organizations. And so I had established myself, I had to introduce myself to this person, I had to start building a relationship, you know, asking him questions, personal, and that's something that I want to tell is that we have a corporate mindset that we have to ask, what do you do because it's all about personal love that's what it is. You have to be able to give love in order to get some love. And I think that's one of the things that I mentioned before in one of the comments for the HTYC bootcamp, in order for you to receive love, you got to give love. Okay? And love is authentic. You don't just go to somebody and say, "Hey, I love you. Can you please help me out with this?" I established that friendship, because this is actually one of the organizations that I love the most. And that's the one that I needed to prioritize, I then went ahead and told the person, "I've been attending and coming to this organization and done some volunteer, but I really love it. I love what you guys do to help people. I love the fact that you, I genuinely care for people, and that is something that I am very interested. And I don't know how that's going to happen. But I am here available for whatever you guys need." I didn't really say I'm looking for a position, but I said, I'm available for whatever you guys need. And I know that for some people, that's a hard thing to do. Because if they actually go up the ladder, and you reach to a certain level, sometimes you have to come to the realization that you may have to step down the ladder to be able to potentially get back up in the right field. Okay, but not a lot of people are willing to accept that. And that's what the question does sometimes, sometimes you may need to bring you down here to potentially get you up here in the field that feeds you particularly. So what I've done in this situation, I told the person, look, whatever you guys need me, I'm here, and I'm available. And guess what this person did, keep it in just this base me and say, "Okay, get away from here." He said, "Really, I thank you so much." And then we kept in touch. And then I told you that I was going to the Middle East for vacation. And I was intentionally thinking of him. And I went, and based on our conversations, I got him a small souvenir that was very meaningful. And then obviously, when I came back, I said, "Hey, I went to the Middle East, and I got these gift for you, I hope that you appreciate it, that you value it." And that gift obviously came as a result of listening of the things that this person told me. And he said, "Oh, thank you so much." And then he actually started following up with me and give me a small project. And here's the key, okay, he told me, "even though you told me that you're interested in even knowing that even volunteering the company, I still don't know you as much. And I want to get to know you. So we're gonna work on some projects together."

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:23
Very cool.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 32:23
A lot of companies, not only they look at your strength, but they also look at your character. Because character means a lot. I think that a lot of people see that 20% on top of the iceberg, but they don't see the 80% that goes underneath. And the 80% that goes underneath has to do with a lot of hard work. And that hard work is called character. If you have the character to be successful, you're going to be successful. And I guess that's what they were trying to see, you know, because you remember Scott, I volunteered for like three or four months. And then at one point, I was like, I'm just gonna just dump it of the truck, because I was already getting drained. But it was that volunteering persistence of being available for anything that landed to an opportunity. Now when people say, what did you do? You know, with those five months, I did everything, Scott. One day actually had me direct traffic outside. Okay. I was like, how can I help and they were like, "okay, just get a jacket." Okay, and no directing traffic outside with my orange sticks.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:23
I love it.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 33:23
At that moment, I was like, you have to be kidding me. Like, it's cold. I'm here directing traffic, I thought I was meant for more. But it was at that moment that I had a realization that maybe one of my issues was pride. And that in order to be able to succeed, I needed to be more humble in the tasks that were given to me. And that was a big turning point. Because after that, I said, okay, I'm just gonna... even if they haven't washed dishes, I'm going to go ahead and do that. The optimism that I'm doing something great, you know, and even if this opportunity doesn't work out, at least I pop or something that was meaningful, and beyond yourself. And I had to come to the realization of being optimistic about it, and know that a better opportunity was gonna come in spite of whatever the outcome was gonna be.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:16
You know, what's super cool about that is, one, your point about finding for something that is meaningful to you, I think that I've seen so many people succeed, and so many people never even get close to opportunities, because they were or weren't willing to fight for something that was meaningful to them. And I think that looks completely different to different people. Now, I think that part was absolutely super cool. And I think the other parts, I just want to clarify, because I think there's danger here that some people can look at your situation and say, "Hey, do I just need to go and volunteer? Or do I just need to get out orange sticks and go drive traffic for some organization or something?" And people I think would be missing the point which is, that you were not just willing to fight for something that was meaningful for you. But also, you were willing to invest the time and energy into building a relationship with people that you wanted to be around.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 35:11
Yes, that's the heart behind. The heart behind this story is to let the audience know that if you want something, you have to be able to be willing to accept whatever challenges come. And secondly, obviously, to fight, because if you're stuck, and you're paralyzed, and you're going through the process, believe me, there were times that I wanted to quit, there were times that I did not really follow through the schedule, there were times that I was like, you know what, I want to clean my room, because that looks more appealing to me than doing what I'm supposed to be doing. But at the end of the day, do you really want to get out of there? And will you do whatever it takes to get out of there? And that's the heart behind, you know, just you have to be willing to do and like you say, right now you don't have to deal with traffic, you know, you don't have to do any of those things. But you have to be willing to accept some challenges, especially if you're trying to get into a huge company, or change of organization, or whatever it is, okay, or even start your own business, you have to come to the realization, there will be challenges, and you have to be up for them.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:12
Yeah, absolutely. That is so cool. I am delighted as the right word, I don't use delighted often, but I'm so delighted that we got to, one, have this conversation, and, two, you got to share your story with the HTYC audience. At the beginning, you were talking about how just a little over a year ago, you found the podcast and you were flipping through it on your phone and everything like that, and then ended up subscribing. And now a year later, just a year later, you're on the podcast, and you've been in your role for four months. And that is such an amazing story. And I appreciate you taking the time and opportunity to actually share it with us.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 36:45
Yeah, I'm so excited right now. I mean, because I've never thought that would be in your podcast. Like being able to share my story, you know, and obviously, right now I'm into catalyst. I'm not going to say that I got to the perfect place, you know.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:57
I don't think anybody gets to the perfect place necessarily. It's a continual revision.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 37:01
Absolutely. But what one thing that HTYC did help me is to affirming those values, you know, affirming the strengths, affirm on what is it that, you know, I'm looking for NBA season, because obviously things change. As you heard my testimony before I was in law school of power and things like that, you know, you had think that your values change over time, okay, and depending on your convictions as well, and what HTYC gave me is hope, to say, "I will be okay, that it is possible to change from one organization to another" one of the things that I was actually doing in going through the process, and I think I don't know if I told you this, we were in the process of buying a home with my family as well. And there were some conflicts, you know, in the whole transaction, and whatever. But I also got an offer as a marketing consultant for a large communications job, which when I got the job offer, the manager told me, "we know that you have zero experience. But one thing that we really loved about you was the fact we were able to relate with you, and that you are teachable. Okay, because there were other people coming with mass marketing degrees, and some even master's degree applying to the position, but we really like your personality." So to me, that was like mind blowing, because I was like, wow, but because of what I was going through that process, I had to turn it down. And I was volunteering with this other organization, which to me, that was my priority. But it is possible, okay, to change of industries, even if you don't have the degree, even if you don't have the major. A lot of companies are looking, for instance, the company that I'm working for was looking for character. Now this other company was looking for one of the characteristics of character as well, which is teachability. Are you going to be able to learn? Are you going to take on tasks and be willing to be okay, with, you know, the responsibilities? You know, are you willing to be molded into what they want to mold you to afford that position, particularly? So that's another one.

Scott Anthony Barlow 38:53
That's amazing. That's absolutely amazing. And yeah, you did share that with me. And I totally actually forgot about it up until this moment. So that is behind the scenes, actually, I don't know if I've ever told you this. But one of the ways that we measure success, behind the scenes, for our students and our clients is, can we get people to the point where they have the capability to get job offers, and they also understand themselves well enough to be able to turn them down. And that is something that has happened so many times, when people go through this process, it boggles my mind. But at the same time, that is super cool. And that makes me happy, because that's one of the ways that we evaluate success for ourselves. So awesome job, and congratulations again.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 39:39
Thank you so much. Thank you for helping me. You and your team were very, very huge part of it. And I always tell people, when you go through situations, don't do it alone. Always seek for counsel of somebody who has experience and in this situation, you have experienced if you're, you know, just listening to the radio show, you're thinking oh, you know, I can apply, I can do this, you know, myself, you know, I'm just going to look for a couple of inspiration things from Scott. Call him, okay? Because you don't know, he actually works in strategies of helping you succeed through this moment. And he will hear you, and he'll go through the process with you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:14
I very much appreciate that. And I'm so glad that you trusted us to be able to take along for the ride and help throughout that process. And, hey, thank you so much, again, for taking the time to share your story. This is just super, super cool. This is gonna make my entire rest of the day.

Cesar Ponce de Leon 40:30
Well, he's making my day, by the way. I love helping you, thank you so much for helping me. And obviously one of the things that I like to say that I love to, you know, keep in contact with you. And obviously, now you know what I'm going to do every time you know, there's a time to transition to the next space, I know who to contact, and I'm going to keep you on speed dial.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:01
Hey, we put together a case study of exactly what Cesar did, to be able to make his change. And you can actually go to happentoyourcareer.com/186. And be able to download that case study along with the transcript of this podcast for this episode. Everything right there happentoyourcareer.com/186. And you can get every little thing that he did to be able to help him out and be able to make this change because it's pretty amazing change. Gotta admit that, right? So head on over there happentoyourcareer.com/186. And we have so much more coming up for you next week on Happen To Your Career. I want you to take a listen right now, for what we have in store for you.

Rebecca Maddox 41:45
Well, I came in thinking I was a math and science person coming in the college. And then after taking chemistry and calculus, I mean, these are pressure cooker kinds of classes, because they're meant to beat out all the weaklings. And then I say "weaklings" with quotation marks too. This was to weed out the people who are just, maybe you're waffling, and they're trying to just bring out the people who were completely and totally dedicated. And I remember getting back a grade on one of those tests. And it was I think, 50 something average and there was no curve. I thought, this is insane. Like average on this test is failing. I don't know what I'm doing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:29
All that and plenty more next week on Happen To Your Career. If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, go ahead and do so just hit the subscribe button on whatever podcast player you're listening to. And also, thank you so much. We have had even more people go over and leave us a five star rating in review. This one comes to us from iTunes, and this is Evangelia, she says, "Scott and his team and guests provide premium value in this podcast. There are so many great episodes here. And I tune in to sharpen my own side as a professional in the Career Development space." She's a career coach. And she says, "I recommend this to many of my clients, and to listen to this podcast and even send them direct links to those that I know are relevant. There are great people on this podcast and working behind the scenes for it." Thank you so much, Evangelia. Really appreciate that. And really appreciate all of you that have taken the time to share feedback with us in the rest of the world and left us five star ratings and reviews. This helps so many more people find the show and we get to get more people to work that they love, which is kind of the whole point here, right. All right. We'll see you next week on Happen To Your Career. Adios. I'm out.

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Give Yourself Permission to Create a Life You Love with MJ Fitzpatrick

WELL, WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS ____________,
BUT SINCE THAT’S NOT AN OPTION…”

Have you ever caught yourself saying something to that affect?

Whether it’s a career change or any kind of life change, so many people have a clear vision of what they want, but seem to quickly brush that vision off and end up settling for what they have in front of them or what is easily attainable — that’s usually the much safer option. Are you giving yourself permission to make a change?

In your ideal world, what does your life look like? What kind of work would you be doing?

What is stopping you from achieving that now?

Seriously, what is stopping you?

Here’s a hint: NOTHING IS STOPPING US FROM MOVING TOWARD OUR GOALS, VISIONS, LIVES WE DREAM OF

…well, except for ourselves.

There’s this interesting concept about “learned permission-seeking.”

We’ve been conditioned by parents, teachers, and society to ask for permission to do things.

Now when it comes to change, as adults, we still wait for that permission to make a change.

We look for someone to give us permission or validate our choice to try a new hobby, go back to school, quit a steady job to start our own businesses, flip career paths, or create any type of change within our lives.

Permission stops so many people from moving forward.

Oftentimes, we find ourselves in these situations where we seem stuck because nobody has given us the green light to proceed with our actions — which is crazy, since these are our own lives we are talking about (!). Are you giving yourself permission to make a change?

But, there are ways to create that permission for yourself to be more, do more, and achieve more of your goals.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF WAITING FOR PERMISSION

STEP 1: QUESTION WHY YOU THINK YOU NEED TO GET PERMISSION TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO IN THE FIRST PLACE

Why do you feel like you need someone else to tell you that, ‘Yes, you CAN do this’?

Do you feel like someone needs to have accomplished what you want to do first? Why?

You can be a trailblazer. You don’t need permission to start down a new path to your own success.

Once you get down to the reason of why  you need to get the ‘okay’ from someone else, you’ll be able to acknowledge the main reason you need permission to create a change and overcome that obstacle to move forward.

STEP 2:  ROCKING CHAIR TEST

This is where you create some type of leverage for your current situation and what you’d like to accomplish. It usually works in the form of:

“WHEN I’M OLD AND GRAY, WHAT WILL I REGRET MORE?  
GOING AFTER MY DREAMS, OR SETTLING FOR WHAT I ALREADY HAVE?”

What do you think is more beneficial for you? Finally making that career change, or staying in the same place as you are now?

When you are faced with these little decisions, it’s time to take a step back to treat the symptoms of what is paralyzing you to wait for permission.

“THE KEY AREA FOR GROWTH IS RECOGNIZING THAT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE CERTAIN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE THE PERFECT ANSWER. IT JUST HAS TO BE GOOD ENOUGH.” – MJ FITZPATRICK

HOW TO MOVE FORWARD TO CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE

Now that we’ve gotten down to the root of the issues of WHY you have been waiting to get permission to continue working towards your ideal world, let’s move onto how  you can start and follow through with reaching the goals you want to achieve.

TRY!

Most of the time people stop themselves from reaching their goals well before they even take a moment to give it a try. So many attainable goals have been missed because there was a lack of an attempt.

So, challenge yourself to make it happen for you.

Put yourself out there — although it is terrifying, realize it is absolutely normal to be scared to try something new.

Acknowledge all of your feelings of fear. What is it that you’re really scared of?

If you’re scared of the failure or rejection you may encounter from trying something new, acknowledge it.

Get comfortable with that fear.

We’re all truly fearful of failing at things that are important to us. But, you need to give yourself permission to feel that fear and GO FOR IT!

“IF YOU JUST FEEL THE FEAR AND THEN RUN AWAY, THEN YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MOVE FORWARD.” – MJ FITZPATRICK
EXPERIMENT AND EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS

Think about how easy it is to test out your options. Creating those micro-experiments for yourself is a ‘safe’ way to move forward on your goals.

Investigate your skills and do things for free. Take a stab at your marketing skills by volunteering or test out a position at a new organization by finding an internship.

There are so many ways to feel out your options before diving into the deep end.

The most important thing you NEED to do is TAKE ACTION and MOVE FORWARD.

The biggest thing that I had to learn was that I was the only one that was thinking that I needed to stay where I was. Everyone else around me wanted me to be happy. Everyone else was just looking for me to make the best decision that I could.

I was just walking around with these expectations that I had to be a certain way. So, I really had to give myself permission.

Most of the time, it’s the expectations that we’ve set for ourselves that keep us locked down on a specific way we think  we should be living our lives.

We’re afraid to make changes (that we know deep inside our hearts that we need to change) because we are looking for certainty that our changes will be the ‘right’ ones.

If you’re in a career that you know you don’t belong in, or you’re burnt out and looking to make a greater impact with your work, don’t let the unknown stop you from moving forward and giving yourself permission to make a change.

Try out your options before you come to the conclusion that a career change isn’t for you or that the shift is something that you can’t handle.

Society creates a FALSE feeling of certainty. You’ll never be sure on the outcomes of anything, unless you actually take the actions to try and experience it for yourself.

And even then, you’ll learn something.

It either works for you or it isn’t your cup of tea.

If it doesn’t work out for you, the next thing you do is cross it off your list, and move on to the next thing.

And, if it just so happens to fit you perfectly, the rewards for stepping through that fear to try something new are so incredible, that it is worth it.

If you find that you need an extra push of support to go down a new, unknown path, we’ve got the resources for you. Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome to Happen To Your Career. I’m so very excited to be back with you as always. I’m particularly thrilled because of our guest today. I have someone you are going to love, not just from what they do now but where he has come from and his past story. Welcome to Happen To Your Career MJ. How are you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m fantastic and very happy to be here. Sometimes when I recording podcasts I have to get up at 2 or 3 a.m. but it’s a lovely, beautiful 10 a.m. here.

Scott Barlow: A balmy 10 a.m. Because you are on the other side of the world from me. Where are you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m staring out into a beautiful city as we speak and it’s a lovely winter’s day.

Scott Barlow: I sometimes forget the winter summer switch thing.

We are going to dive into your story. How do you describe what you do now?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I help people make decisions. Everything from someone in a career that they’ve been in 10 to 20 years moving to something else, people trying to improve their relationships, to people who have been through tough times trying to move forward. Anyone open to moving forward I help get clarity, a deeper sense of self, grow emotional intelligence and use those skills to move forward.

Scott Barlow: You aren’t a decision maker but maker of decision-makers?

MJ Fitzpatrick: Something like that. I try to stray from the term coach because it’s not what I do. I help people think through their life and what is important and reading people well enough to know when they are talking about what they really want to do and help them move the obstacles to move forward. It’s a cool job. I love it and it’s fascinating. You are always seeing new things and every time you think you have a rule someone breaks it. It’s a lot of fun and there are times when I heavily persuade someone to a decision, but I can’t ever truly get them through the door just as close as I can and remove the obstacles. If the person doesn’t step through the door themselves the change won’t stick and I’m not doing what I should.

Scott Barlow: I love that. You can’t make people get up in the morning. They have to shut off their own alarms or go through the door. Pick your analogy. I absolutely love that and think you have a unique perspective. Where does that start for you? Have you always been a maker of decision-makers?

MJ Fitzpatrick: If you can come up with a new word for what I do I will pay you all the money in my bank account. I’ve been struggling for a number of years and we’ve had the conversation.

Scott Barlow: Challenge accepted.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think I was an extremely analytical kid growing up trying to analyze social situations and stuck in my head the majority of my adult life. Over time, as I started to learn social skills and emotional intelligence and who I am, whether it’s a natural skill or I have somehow put a lot of work into it, I seem to be able to hear people speak or see and quickly see what is important. When I do my job I meet a new person, they talk to me for five or seven minutes where I listen and look at how they speak and their facial changes. It’s the skill to say you have said five minutes’ worth of words to me but it’s the three words you said in the first two minutes that we need to focus on. I think that is what my mind is good at and what I’m good at. It’s transportable to many arenas.

I love people; human beings. I love them so much. The second thing, the key competitive advantage, is I’m not trying to diagnose people or pull them into my world and tell them how to live. I go to them and their world and appreciate how they look at the world. Evolution has given us millions of years of advantages communicating with each other and to feel what others are feeling and mirror neurons so I can understand what they feel while they are speaking. I trust that and I try to be as empty as I can and be as present in the conversation. I think when those are your mindsets I don’t think it’s that hard to really understand people and see what is quite obvious. It’s extremely rare I’m speaking to someone and they don’t already have the answer. Maybe 80 percent of the time I’m there just to give them permission to think through what they want to be doing. About 20% are really blocked from the answer and I help them glide towards where they want to go.

Scott Barlow: I want to come back. One thing I wanted to talk about is the concept of permission. I want to come back to that but before that if I recall you had a number of things happen in your late teenage years that cover a lot of this for you.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Yeah I had a couple fun experiences. I was a willful and very intellectually aggressive kid. I didn’t really have a lot of self-esteem and confidence and tried to compensate with bravado. I don’t have physical strength so I used intellectual bravado. I went to a boarding school in Sydney and played rugby, which is a different version of American football with no protective gear. It is awesome. In one of the snaps I had my head in the wrong position and broke my neck. You have seven bones in your neck and pieces of rope that connect the bones together so they don’t move too much. If you put your chin on your chest and put your hand where your nipples are my chin was where your hand is now. That is how far my neck got pushed. The bones bent so much one piece of rope snapped. The bones slid together. They are there to support your structure and protect your spinal cord. My bones started going down the path to be a quadriplegic. The referee blew the whistle and I fell on my back. The likely outcome was death.

The second most likely was being a quadriplegic. I could have talked, which I like talking, but everything below my neck down would be a piece of meat. I spent the next five months in the hospital. I was on significant amounts of drugs to help the pain. Developed post-traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety. Take a kid who is already very anxious, and very logical, analytical and not a lot of confidence and put him in a neck brace to wear all the time.

Scott Barlow: The perfect storm right?

MJ Fitzpatrick: Yes exactly. The bullying in school got worse. My nickname was shit neck. Sorry for swearing, but it was the name they called me. It wasn’t a good place. I was operated on two days after my eighteenth birthday party. I couldn’t have a party because I was in a neck brace and didn’t have many friends. I left there and went to college. Because of the trauma and being in the hospital where I was the youngest patient by fifty years I was struggling with many existential questions: What is the quality of my life going to be? How often do I have to be in pain? Why did this happen to me? Why did I get caught in this? Why did God decide I was the person who had to have their neck broken? I was surrounded by young people that just wanted to have a good time and I was stuck in my mind with deep and intense questions. I spent the next year struggling to get along with people and it wasn’t going well. My college had people choice awards and I was voted the least liked person at my college.

Scott Barlow: That is a thing to vote to?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was telling this story at a school and some kid put up his hand and said why did they do that? Evidently it’s just something we decided to do.

Scott Barlow: I wonder if that is still a thing. I kind of want to google it.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Hopefully not. Hopefully kids have grown up.

Scott Barlow: Oh man. What happened from there? After you go the Facebook thumbs down?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was in my second year and I woke up one day and had a pain in my calf. No explanation. It became a numbness down into my foot, up to my knee and to my hip. I had ruptured a disc in between my back. No trauma but one leg was longer than the other. It was bound to happen eventually. It was the perfect storm because of how big my spinal column is and how big the canals are. The disc burst pushing on my sciatic nerve. 10 out of 10 pain for the next 11 months of my life all day. Back on pain killers and to see the neurosurgeon. I was told I had to have a second spinal fusion and I was only 19 years old.

I got to this place where I gave up. I couldn’t fathom living past the age of 21. My 21st birthday was one of the weirdest experiences of my life because I didn’t think I would get there. I put on 35 kilos of weight - depressed, anxious, PTSD, and addicted to many substances. I decided that my hand dealt by life was so bad I wasn’t going to play anymore. To cut a long story short that was my life and who I was: fat, smelly, few friends. I had to get away and try to process everything. I had such low emotional intelligence and awareness I didn’t realize I had been through trauma. It was normal. No part of me decided to take a step back and think about what happened to me.

I moved overseas. I had a friend develop social anxiety. We would go out and we would have to leave the club because he thought people were talking about him. I was confused because he hadn’t hurt his neck or back, nothing is broken so your brain must have created this. There is no causal link between your physical body and mind. You must have caused this. As we talked about this over the next months it was my starting position. My starting proposition was I don’t believe that this is set and who you are, we can change it. He was eventually able to let it go and he thanked me and my life changed. What I had been through taught me lessons. If I could figure those out and teach them to other people they will be happy. That sounds lovely but it was selfish because I thought if I could make them happy they would thank me for making them happy and that moment would allow me to feel joy. I learned of the growth mindset and realized I didn’t like anything about myself but I could work on all of it which was exciting to me.

Scott Barlow: Curious, when you are in that moment, in that place, clearly it was a progression, when you learn of the growth mindset what caused you to realize you could change?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I was reading blogs. I can’t remember the name but I was reading the story of a guy who had changed. He was really insecure in the past but now he was confident. The idea you can get better as a human being makes me smile like a four year old boy. That idea. It was salvation to me. I looked at my life and didn’t like a single part but saw that wasn’t important. What is important is you can change.

It seems simple but it goes to show you how unemotionally intelligent I was. I was 22 years old when I learned I could get better. It was salvation. I looked at my life and realized I was in the hole. I am overweight, I have mental health problems, I am addicted to a lot, but there is a way out. I just have to work on myself.

Because I was in such a hole there was no ego involved. I wasn’t so fancy that I wasn’t willing to put in the work and have the brutal conversations. I was able to let go of the past: my anxiety, depression, lost weight, learned social skills, all because I realized I could get better as a person. I could teach the lessons to other people and they will be happy and I will have joy. That is where my life started.

Now I am in a place where I started thinking why didn’t anyone teach this to me in school. My life started changing and I saw resilience. Confidence is a teachable skill. We in self-development land understand it quite well. There are five to seven principles that if you practice and use you will become a confident person. Why did no one teach me this when I was thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen?

Scott Barlow: This is something I think a lot about. I’m curious on your opinion. I’ve had the same thoughts so many times. Why don’t we teach this in school? Obviously. The one thing I keep seeing that tugs on me on the other side is it seems like to absorb those lessons, a lot of times, not all the times, but when it gets the best absorbed is right time, place, and context. When there is potential loss or something else creating that time and space and willingness to listen. For you, you were in the right time and space. You didn’t have anything else to lose and you found evidence that created hope that was the light at the end of the tunnel causing you to know you could move forward. That is how I think about it, you looking at the end of the tunnel.

MJ Fitzpatrick: It’s something I think about a lot. The way I look at it if I sat down with a 10 or 12 year old and told them I could teach you how to be confident I think they would be so open to it. There is something about this transition. You go through puberty and your parents stop being the most important thing in your life in regards to your identity. It shifts to your peer group. There is something in this period between - I don’t know the ages - I’m not a developmental psychiatrist. There is something in this period where kids are developing their identity and they think it’s set in stone. I think and believe that if we teach kids in a way they can understand and create leverage where they are open that we can get through to them.

Even if that is false and what you say is true, that they need to be in the right time and place. The whole point of what I am doing is trying to give them something so compelling the growth mindset gets buried in there somewhere. They can live the rest of their life, and even if its five or ten years along, and they go through that challenging experience they remember they heard about it and can change as a person. I’m trying to approach it from both sides.

There is truth in what you say, but I wonder if that need for it to be the right time and place is something our society has conditioned over time because the way we educate kids. Is there is one answer? Don’t look at the back of the book or collaborate. Change is impossible, you are who you are. Or is it an actual fundamental principle. I have no idea. Maybe in 80 years I will. I really look at the work I’m doing at schools and I think I get half of them, when I’m on form and pay attention I think I can get half of the kids and make an impact. The other half I can at least, maybe I’m not helping them see themselves in a different way, but I present it in a compelling enough way that they will remember something I’ve mentioned so they will have a path forward when they are ready.

Scott Barlow: It’s possible. Just like when you discovered it, it was possible.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I’m not sure. It almost doesn’t matter which is true. I’m going to keep doing it.

Scott Barlow: I don’t know if it’s one or the other based on the research or application. I haven’t seen evidence that it is just one or the other. I was super curious on your take because of what you’ve done and been through. Your insight is interesting.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Sorry for interrupting. The most curious thing happened after speaking to a school on Monday. I was speaking to fourteen and fifteen year olds. I finished my speech and a couple people shook my hand. This one young man came up and shook my hand and said thank you for not patronizing us. That piece of feedback fascinated me so much. Whatever he is going through and perceives the world for that to be the thing he wants to say of all the things. It gives me a window to see what it is like to be fourteen and fifteen. I try to angle everything I do to that. I’m exactly like you, I’m not a teacher. I’m exactly like you and I have a message that has taken me a long time to learn and I can save you some hard times if you are open to it. If you aren’t it’s fine but take notes because one day you will need them.

Scott Barlow: That is fascinating. That particular message. That one tiny message says so much about what is going on in not just his life but other kid’s lives and how they look at it. I’m fascinated. Where for you, going from having the neck brace, to the second downhill, realizing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, being able to connect with schools and youth - How did it all come together for you?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I started improving. I spent about two years, still at the University, I took a year off overseas where I lived with my friend. Came home still at university and realized that someone should teach this in school. I thought maybe I should do it. Maybe it could be my purpose. I was absolutely terrified. It was so terrifying because I’d have to leave university and have a conversation with my parents and better myself. None of that. That was option A and it was not possible because it was too scary. I can’t do A what is option B? I love people and want to help. I’ll go be a doctor. Because obviously of all jobs I could choose that was it. I convinced myself I should be a doctor. I spent two years studying and taught myself science. All the things. I got into a medical school in Sydney. I was stoked my first day of med school. Everyone was talking about being a doctor. This is where I was supposed to be. It’s weird about med students when you tell someone you are one they say congratulations. You are surrounded by wonderful validation.

Scott Barlow: I’m laughing because I haven’t been saying congratulations all these years and I realize I’m missing the socially acceptable way to do it. I didn’t realize it was a thing. It explains the validation.

MJ Fitzpatrick: These people you’ve never met ask you what you are doing and you tell them you are studying to be a doctor and they say congratulations or well done. You have these beautiful systems to make you feel amazing. First day of school I’m going to be a rock star. My second day, first genetics lecture, my stomach says Matthew you are in the wrong place. That was terrifying because the sunk cost of two years of my life getting into med school was huge. That feeling and nagging that it wasn’t what I was supposed to do would not go away.

I spent the next five weeks, and I want to press pause here, I teach this for a living and it’s easy to listen to my story and think he had it all together what a beautiful progression. I realized I wasn’t supposed to be in med school my second day and it took me five weeks to drop out. I’m the person who helps people think about decisions for a living and even in my own life it didn’t happen instantaneously. It took time.

That first day I had the feeling the question was this the right thing for me? After five weeks it had improved. Is this right for me? Is this the best way to help people? Am I really supposed to be a doctor? Eventually at 11 o’ clock on a Thursday evening it became am I willing to live the life of a fraud? Because I know I’m not supposed to be a doctor and I’m supposed to help kids learn confidence.

The second the question became that, I dropped out of med school 20 minutes later. Courage only lasts a certain amount of time. You don’t get courage and just walk around thinking you are the most courageous person in the world. You get courage for literally 20 minutes. You say I’m going to do it, I’m going to quit. You have twenty minutes to quit. Write your resignation letter. For me it was going on the online portal and dropping out. If you don’t do it in that time and commit when you have courage it will disappear. All emotional states are transient and fade. You will lose the courage.

I dropped out of school and worked at a gym as a personal trainer three days a week and built my business on the side. Now I do two things. I spent a day a week in schools and I have another company called One Scope that places me in schools and I spend the other five to six days a week working one-on-one with people or with corporations or speaking. I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted to do.

I dropped out of school with the idea of being a confidence person even though I didn’t know what that meant. I knew enough of a direction that if I took action, and because I knew it was my purpose I went in that direction and over time it became clearer and clearer. It was a messy process. I spent the first six months of my business trying to teach university students. I realized they don’t care and they didn’t have enough money to make a business there. I didn’t waste my first six months, just made a mistake.

I shifted to entrepreneurs helping them think about business and themselves in a more effective way, that was the progression. Now it’s helping people think about their life better and going into schools and giving them what I think they should have been taught in school.

Scott Barlow: Let’s talk about this concept of permission. From what you just described at some point, as the question got better, you had the pressure in med school and sunk costs, you felt the pressure and it’s simmering over five weeks. Where did you find the permission, not just the courage, but the permission for yourself to release from that?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think it was the power of the language of the word fraud. I know that may sound strange but it’s a different question if I ask myself am I willing to live a different life? A safe life? Versus am I willing to be a fraud? I didn’t have an option but to drop out because I knew I wouldn’t be doing what I was supposed to. You can create a mission for yourself and there are a lot of different ways to do so. You can speak to friends or a parent that will give you good advice or have your back. If you are 80 what will you regret the most not doing and give yourself permission that way. The big thing for me to realize was that I was the only one that was thinking I needed to stay where I was. Everyone wanted me to be happy and make the best decision I could. I was the one placing the pressure on myself to live up to the expectations of being a doctor and had to be a certain way. I had to give myself permission.

Now when I look back and see with the people I work with there are two ways to create permission. Many people are looking for someone to say you can do this. We get inspiration and then say now I have permission. I see two ways: The first is to question why you think you need permission in the first place. One of my clients thought she needed her mom to be proud of her and that was her definition of permission. I told her to have a conversation with her mom who she was close with and ask her if she is proud. Her mom said yes. She was suddenly free and didn’t need permission.

The second way is to try and create some form of leverage. The most famous way is how Jeff Basil created Amazon. He thought about where he was. He had a nice job as a management consultant. He wanted to start a business. When I think of my life when I’m 80 and 90 which will I regret more? He called it the rocking chair test. He was allowing himself to have permission to go for broke and see what happens by thinking about the future. The other way people use it: For most people currently in a job and want to start a business or shift heir career, usually the worst possible outcome is they will end up exactly where they are. They will have spent some time and money but if it doesn’t work they can just go get another job somewhere. Permission is so important but mostly it’s us just walking around with this belief that we need permission when in actuality there is nothing stopping us from moving forward.

Scott Barlow: That is super interesting. And relevant. I am fascinated by this concept of permission because I see it stopping so many different people and I know there are people that are listening that have been unintentionally waiting on permission for one thing or another need. I love the rocking chair test in particular. I didn’t realize it was a Jeff Basil thing. I use a variation of that all the time when I get stuck on something. When I’m on my death bed which would I do?

MJ Fitzpatrick: It’s the most common form. It can be called permission or leverage. Getting a reason to make a change that is more important than your reasons for staying where you are. It’s the most common form. People talk about it all the time. You’ll hear someone say just what you said. I thought about ten and twenty years from now which one would I regret?

Scott Barlow: One of the things I hear constantly is people saying “well, what I really want to do is ___. But since it’s not an option” they just roll right onto the next thing. “I just can’t figure out what I really want to do because what I really want to do is ____. But since it’s not an option.” It’s almost like we need some level of permission to stop ourselves from settling. When it’s right there in the first place. I’m curious, when people find themselves there in that situation where they think they can’t do something for a reason what do you recommend?

MJ Fitzpatrick: I had this happen all the time. The most recent was when I was out for coffee with an extremely successful lawyer who wants more. I was having a conversation with him and said clearly you want something more, what do you want to do? And he said I don’t know. I said if you did know, in a hypothetical world, what would you want to do? And immediately he said interior design. That’s fascinating, why don’t you go start a business? He said I’ve given myself five years to do that. I stopped him and said where did you get the number 5 years? I can tell you what people are doing when they say that. They are looking for certainty.

When you grow up in the corporate environment with a stable paycheck and easy career progression, and I’m oversimplifying, but you have so much certainty. You don’t worry about your paycheck and things you worry about in your own business. You are 15 to 20 years in an environment ruled by certainty and the most uncertain thing you can do is leave your job and start a business. It’s bonkers to most people. When he said I’m leaving this for five years. What he was saying was I believe if I think about this for five years then I will create enough certainty that I can go pursue it. When people say they want permission they want certainty. They want to know for sure. The key area of growth is recognizing it doesn’t have to be certain. You don’t have to have the perfect answer. It just needs to be good enough.

I left med school knowing I couldn’t get back in. There is a gentleman’s agreement with the medical school people in Australia where if you leave once you never get to come back. They don’t say congratulations and you are on the bad person list.

It was so vague. I want to help people be more confident. That was it. I had no idea what that would look like but I knew I had a reason to leave more than to stay. My reasons to stay were not as powerful. The moment it flipped, I had permission to leave. The key point is two-fold: One, you have never actually tried. People say I want to do this but I know it’s not possible so I’m going to do something else. But have you actually tried? If they write it out and work out and challenge all the stories and meanings you’ve created about yourself. The second thing is how easy it is to test these things. My friend that wanted to be an interior designer had this giant business plan in his head; I need a website, I need to study.

Scott Barlow: Business cards. You need those.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Okay, back up a couple of steps. Do you have friends who are renovating their house? Yes I have two. Great ask one of them if you can design their house for free. They pay for all the furniture, you treat them like a client, and you won’t charge them anything. If they like it you can take photos and put it on a website. If not then its fine. There is zero risk on their end and maximum upside on your end and you are heading toward starting a business. You are taking action and moving forward. The key point in that moment is he is terrified of that because he is putting himself out there and immediately all the people that live in his current world that think it’s crazy to start a business and to quit being a lawyer to become an interior designer will challenge him. It’s a strong argument he will get feedback.

The second thing is he could get a no, get rejected. I think the fear of rejection has killed more new businesses and careers than anything else because it’s terrifying. You are putting your heart and soul out there and people could tell you it’s ludicrous but deeper you are putting your heart and soul into the world and someone could tell you no it’s not good enough. I can see that fear and help people through it. Just because you feel fear doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You should investigate that fear. It’s not a superpower or mythical fear investigation process. Just ask yourself what am I afraid of? Figure it out. Once you know your fear, try to move through it. If you just feel the fear and run away you will never move forward.

Scott Barlow: I love that and what you are talking about with the fear. Sometimes it’s a good indicator you should lean in, especially if it is important. We do not feel fear for things that are unimportant. We don’t feel nervous or afraid. We have a coach Lisa Lewis and she calls it being nervcited. You are nervous and kind of excited and it’s important to you that is why you are nervous. I love what you are talking about with feeling that out and exploring it. You have to lean into it to know what it is.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I think the other thing is it is normal. You are going to be scared.

Scott Barlow: You are human.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Obviously I will be terrified if I’ve been a partner at a law firm for fifteen years, everyone in my life knows me as a lawyer and thinks I should be a certain way. I want to leave that and not do a law start up but be an interior designer. Of course that is going to be scary. It’s fine and normal. You are who you are. The only reason you are scared is because decisions you have made unconsciously and the environment you were raised in. It is what it is and it’s normal. You can move through it if you want. The only person stopping you is you. There is no master step. It’s messy and not easy but the key thing is that the rewards are so worth it. I’m preaching to the choir but the rewards of stepping through that fear and carving out your life and career, the rewards are so incredible that it’s worth it. It’s hard to see what it will be like on the other side of the door. If you haven’t stepped through yet you look at it as though it’s scary and you can’t see it.

I see this most when working with people who have motivated themselves to prove other people wrong in their whole life. Those people bet me that I couldn’t do it so I’m going to go do it. It’s their modus operandi. When I ask them what if you didn’t motivate yourself from that place but motivated yourself because you wanted to do something rather than running away? In one hundred percent of cases they say I wouldn’t do anything I’d be a bum or hippy. You wouldn’t do anything because the current way you look at yourself and life has been motivated this way. To change to something else you have no clue what it looks like. But you can decide what it’s going to be. There is no blueprint. You haven’t made decisions yet. You can decide what it is going to be like.

Yes you feel all this fear and quitting may be the scariest thing you do and you shouldn’t quit until you have a plan and money. Don’t just quit your job today and send me an email unless you have a lot of money in the bank. I take zero responsibility for quitting your job. But you are terrified what your life will be like because you don’t know what the new world is. The second you step through you can decide.

I’m getting goosebumps talking about it because I love it so much. It’s easy for me to talk about the process now because I’ve been through it. If you had seen me during those five weeks in med school I couldn’t sleep. I was a mess. Now that I’ve stepped through and understand the process and courage and giving myself permission it’s easier because I can understand the process. I’ve done it. I’ve jumped off the cliff and other cliffs are now easier. It’s possible. It’s radical acceptance. This is who I am and what I’m feeling now. It doesn’t mean you have to stop. You can keep moving forward.

Scott Barlow: You can get better at cliff diving. This absolutely fantastic. One quick question. For you, it seems you intentionally went away. That is what I wrote down. You are talking about deciding who you are, and I’ve done the same thing like five to seven years of my life where I’ve gotten away and the act of doing so gives you permission to evolve yourself as someone different. Have you seen that be the case in a lot of people? I haven’t explored it or seen research. I’ve just observed it and you’ve mentioned it.

MJ Fitzpatrick: I copied this from Bill Gates. Twice a year he does a thinking week. He goes away for a week. It’s no phone or internet. Just him and books. He thinks about himself and his life. I’ve seen it work in other peoples’ lives but the key variable is time. A weekend is not enough. It has to be 4, 5, 6 days. Your mind is built to have an internal and external ward that are always interacting deciding where and what you should do because of your environment. When you make a radical change in your environment after three or four days your brain stops doing all the things it’s supposed to do because of the old environment and you get to look at yourself from the environmental pressures, shoulds, and meetings to make and you are free and can decide how you want to be when you go back into your world.

You have to make habits and decisions or it will force you back. Anyone listening and thinks they need permission to start a new business: number one I give you complete permission to do what you need to except quit your job without a plan. Number two is go away. Spend five days. Leave your phone and computer at home. Take a journal and books, book an Airbnb in the countryside and just go be. Massive epiphanies will happen if you allow your mind to think about your life.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I appreciate you making and taking the time. Coming to us from the other side of the world. I am curious for people that want more MJ how can they get more?

MJ Fitzpatrick: My website MJFitzpatrick.com. I give away 99% of my content. That isn’t just me saying it because it sounds nice but it is literally 99% of my content. You can’t buy anything on my website. Go there and I give my work away to people that take action. Click on a button that opens a box to send an email and introduce yourself. You will find all my podcasts, videos, and speeches, except the ones in schools I can’t film, all my blog posts, a bunch of guides. There is enough life changing material and you don’t have to pay a dollar. Anyone listening that feels I’ve given them value or want more stop at my website I’d love to start a conversation and build a relationship.

Scott Barlow: Very cool. Head on over there. Great place to be. Been there myself. Thank you so much again. This has been awesome. Thank you for all your thoughts on permission and sharing your story. Super cool.

MJ Fitzpatrick: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

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Stop Avoiding Your Patterns to Find Work that Fits You with Matthew Toy

Have you noticed any reoccurring themes  or life patterns in your life?

These themes can range from the habits you form, the hobbies you enjoy, the work you choose, the tasks you hate, the type of people you surround yourself with, and so on.

Just stop and think for a moment.

Does anything stand out?

The life patterns and themes that appear in your life are little nuggets of gold that you shouldn’t hastily push aside when you’re looking to make any big life changes, like a career transition.

We’ve talked about how these themes and patterns are like breadcrumbs that help lead you to a dream career that is more aligned with your core values. And, how looking back and reflecting on your career or asking the people closest to you what your strengths are is key in collecting as many data points to help you connect the dots to what your next career will look like.

As much as we emphasize how digging deeper into your own patterns in your career and life is the first piece of research you need to do before you start down the career change road, we know that sometimes it is hard to accept those patterns for what they truly are.

Just ask our guest, Matthew Toy, who avoided accepting what everyone else around him knew about how big of an impact his own passion for practicing yoga had on his life.

THE FEAR WAS DEFINITELY THERE. YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP GOING. YOU HAVE TO ACT IN THE FACE OF FEAR. IT TAKES COURAGE. TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP OF ACTUALLY REALIZING FROM THOUGHT TO REALITY.

MATT TOY

Fast forward to now, and you’ll find Matt teaching and practicing Man Yoga (yoga for men) at the Berkeley Yoga Center, re-educating people on what the practice of yoga really is through his Instagram, as well as at events. He is also the co-founder of a bakery.

With a full life, yoga practice, and career, Matt is now able to look back, reflect, and share his path on how accepting his own life patterns led him to where he is now.

Let’s take a look at what you need to do to stop avoiding your own patterns to help land you a career that fits you.

IDENTIFY YOUR DISTINCT PATTERNS

Looking at the career path that you’ve been on will help you figure out if you want to continue down that same road or it will help you decide on the things you want to keep in you next career.

So, pull out a notebook, an iPad, or a recording device, and let’s get to identifying your patterns.

YOUR CORE VALUES

What do you value in your life?  What have you found that you really value in your career?

Anytime that you’ve changed jobs, what have you needed in your career? What don’t you need?

What kind of organizations do you typically work with? What kind of organizations have you stayed away from in the past?

Are there any issues you’ve had come up time and time again that you know that you absolutely can’t stand?

These are just a few basic questions you should ask yourself.

Finding those patterns in your values and determining what you value enough to have in your life and in your work is important in helping structure the framework to your career transition.

YOUR PASSIONS

This should be easy.

What do you love doing?

Do  you have any hobbies? Do you have a routine that you can’t live without?

For Matt Toy, it was yoga. No matter what his life and career was like, he always had yoga to come back to and keep him centered.

Do you have any activities that keep you so absorbed that you don’t even realize how much time has passed by?

Write those down. You’ll want to keep those patterns in your life.

YOUR STRENGTHS

Ask yourself:

What are some of the tasks that I have consistently succeeded in?

In my career, do I have a pattern of doing something really well? What have your coworkers constantly asked you to do because you either love doing it or you’re the best at?

What kind of problems do you find yourself solving constantly?

If you don’t know what your strengths are, ask a close friend or family member, or even a colleague.

GET COMFORTABLE AND ACCEPTING YOUR PATTERNS

STOP AVOIDING WHO YOU ARE

We have a tendency to look at our lives as we think it should be according to society’s standards.

But, who says that’s the right way  to be living anyway?

Once we begin to accept who we are, the things we value, enjoy, and want to be doing in our careers, so many more doors of opportunity will open.

And, the best part will be the day that “working” will no longer feel like “work.”

TAKE ACTION

After accepting all of the above in who you are and what your life patterns have showed you to be, it is in your best interest to begin doing.

Take action. 

When you put things into motion, you’ll find that things will either begin falling into place, or that you may need to re-evaluate and try again.

THINGS DON’T JUST MANIFEST. YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION FOR THINGS TO MANIFEST.

 MATT TOY

CROSS IT OFF YOUR LIST

As mentioned above, there isn’t anything wrong with trying  a new career path and finding out that, that path wasn’t right for you. At least you’re able to cross it off your list and move onto something else.

The whole process requires you to use those patterns you find to identify paths to venture down.

Not every path you identify will fit, but the process is about incorporating those micro-experiments into your career search.

You don’t have to commit to anything until you’re sure of it.

Once you’re actually faced with a challenge then you’re forced to make a decision or stay where you are.

If you make a decision, it means you’re moving. If you’re staying where you are that means, ‘Okay…I’m just going to tolerate this even though it’s painful.’

You learn a lesson.

You have to either decide, ‘Okay I’m taking action and changing what’s going on. I’m changing my circumstances,’ or ‘I’m just going to sit here and stick with it because that is what I have decided to do.’

Remember, now that you’ve decided to do something about your current situation, you’ve already made progress. And, just because you’ve made a decision to move forward with one thing, doesn’t mean that you’re committed to it forever.

There is always a way to pivot.

Once you take action and do something different from what you’ve been doing, you’re already moving in the right direction.

Don’t rush your career change process. By doing that, you defeat the purpose of the time you’ve put into doing all of the soul-searching and goal-setting to find your next career move.

If you hit a road block and don’t know what to do next, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Big life change isn’t always a leisurely stroll in the park.

If you find that you need an extra push of support, we’ve got the resources for you. Check out the Career Change Bootcamp program as it was created to guide you to build a strong foundation in finding the right path to your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career adviser.

Scott Barlow: Welcome back to Happen to Your Career. This is Scott Anthony Barlow. I’m always excited, but I’m especially ecstatic today. Before we hit the record button I was telling our guest how much I’ve been looking forward to this conversation and every conversation we have. He is someone who has allowed us the privilege of participating in his journey along the way. He has done a nice job over the years and lately in developing his career and a business on the side. I wanted to share his story with you. Welcome Matt Toy.

Matt Toy: Hi Scott. I’m doing great. I’m also looking forward to this conversation. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard your voice and interacted. It’s great to be here.

Scott Barlow: It’s been more than a few months. Four or five months. Give people an idea of what you do now. How do you tell people about that?

Matt Toy: Nowadays, the most exciting thing for me, is I have a few things going on in the yoga world. I teach Man Yoga: Yoga for men. It’s a group of men that wouldn’t normally go to yoga class and I teach them the foundation of yoga. It’s helped me a lot over the years. I’ve started Instagram trying to do a re-education of what yoga really is; not just about your body but deeper. We do some events trying to teach and spread yoga. I’m a father and I co-own a bakery. Lots of things, busy, but life is full.

Scott Barlow: I know you haven’t always co-owned a bakery or teaching yoga for men, or had participation in these businesses or always had a family. I know a bunch of your story because we’ve interacted for a couple years I think. How long has it been?

Matt Toy: It’s been at least a year and half. The coaching program was six months which may have been six months ago, I’d have to look at my calendar.

Scott Barlow: Oh my goodness, at least 18 months and so much has changed for you in that time. I would love to go way back and learn the parts of the story that I don’t know about. Where does this start for you, for your career?

Matt Toy: I’m sure like many of you, especially if you are a millennial, have read Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss or heard about it. Way back, maybe in 2012, I was burnt out working a typical 9-5 job. Drudgery. My buddy says check out this book and it blows my mind. I need to do an online marketing business. For like three years I focused on this and kept failing, kept pivoting, and never committing to one thing. I never asked, do I want an online business? I found Scott through a Facebook group for a different online course. Ramit Sethi’s Zero to Launch, basically a step-by-step process to create an online business. I saw a post you made and I thought I needed to connect with you. I had failed over and over again in three to four years of creating an online business. I had been working different jobs but not falling in love with any of them.

Scott Barlow: What were some of those jobs?

Matt Toy: I’m glad you asked. Out of college, where I got really burnt out, I was managing farmer’s markets, logistical stuff. Being onsite two days a week was great because I was offsite interacting with people, but the remainder was office work - making sure the books were straight, farmers were showing up, that they knew the drill, and different tasks to organize a large events. The biggest market was 200 vendors. There were some perks. It’s hip to be in the food scene especially in the bay area. The relationships with the CEO and co-workers weren’t good not just mentally but emotionally and wore me out.

My buddy introduced me to Four Hour Work Week and I quit that job almost immediately. I was so pumped up with the concepts. I’m out of here! I started working for a bakery while still in school. Food is a huge part for me. Connection over a meal is a fantastic thing. I fell in love with the business but didn’t see much room for growth. Still having a fantasy and hope that I will somehow make money online passively. I was more frustrated with my inability to grow in the bakery business and failing at all these new business ideas over and over again.

I worked landscaping for over a year. It was all over the place. Career-wise it’s been a bunch of different things. The good thing is I gained a bunch of different skills, especially people skills and the ability to connect with different people. The farmers first, the bakery, and how to manage a team and connect with customers directly, and landscaping - how to interact with clients with huge budgets. Throughout this time, where yoga comes in was I continually did yoga and it saved me along the way. It kept me sane and with my long term girlfriend that is now my wife and kept me from pushing away friends and kept me out of depression when I kept failing at the businesses. Thinking, this isn’t working what is wrong with me?

Scott Barlow: When did you start yoga?

Matt Toy: In College. Before I went to school my martial arts instructor told me I needed to do yoga because I was going to meet so many women. I didn’t know what he was talking about then. Whatever. I took a yoga class whether or not it was for the women. I fell in love with the practice it was so challenging, hard, and subtle at the same time. I continued to practice. That was ten years ago. I’ve been doing it ever since.

Scott Barlow: You had yoga going on this entire time keeping you from tearing apart at the seams with these different jobs and different variations of the fantasy of what you thought you wanted for the online business. I’m curious where that evolved. Someplace in this you met your girlfriend now wife and traveled abroad. How does it all fit in?

 Matt Toy: There are a lot of layers. Career-wise I told you how that progressed. I was practicing yoga and trained to be a teacher in yoga. It’s interesting. My life has been a pendulum of stuff I want to do in my core. When I sit in silence it’s the stuff I want to really do with my life, the things no one else is telling me to do. One of those things is travel. I’ve traveled many times to Europe. I studied abroad there in college. I’ve been back almost every other year. I’ve been to Mexico, North Africa, and Southeast Asia. I’ve had travel experience and fell in love with the connection to people, learning new languages, the new cultures; all of that. It’s always been part of it. It’s the positive part of the pendulum. When I return home to the job I wasn’t in love with that I couldn’t contribute my gifts to it swung the other way. What skills do I have? There were a lot of questions. I would switch jobs, try something new and travel again and they pendulum would swing back to the growth phase.

Scott Barlow: That is an interesting way to put it. I’ve met a lot of people who have gone through it and never thought of it as a pendulum swinging back and forth. I’m curious on your thoughts on that going through it multiple times. It seems like when the pendulum swings one way its sweet but when it goes the other way it’s not in alignment. For me, when I’ve had tastes of that, it didn’t click for me. I thought I had to tolerate the one side to get to the other side. How do you think about that?

Matt Toy: The way I describe it it’s not always positive or negative. It swings to one side where life is easy, you are in flow. There is a challenge. It was for me, what is my career or what business will I create online, do I want to marry my long-term girlfriend, do I want to have kids. These challenges. When faced with it you are forced to make a decision or stay where you are. If you make a decision you’re moving if you stay where you are you are tolerating it even though it’s painful. You learn a lesson that either you are taking action and changing your circumstances, or maybe I’m just sitting here, and maybe it’s my emotional state and it doesn’t feel good but I’m going to stick with it because it’s what I’ve decided to do. It goes both ways and there is always a lesson no matter where it swings. Maybe in the moment it’s uncomfortable, I really hate my job, I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know if I want to get married. There is a lesson in there to be learned it’s just hard to see while you are in it.

To give you an example, with my wife, a few months before I proposed I was in a rough place. I didn’t know what I was doing with my career, wasn’t making much money, I felt like a loser. Then this thing clicked for me. I read a book called The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. And it was a complete mind shift for me. The pendulum was on the negative side. I realized I wanted to marry this woman she is amazing and beautiful. All the other issues and problems I have don’t exist. They are a creation of my mind. I went on a 500 mile pilgrimage by myself across northern Spain. Walking 500 miles over a month. I came back solid and strong knowing who I was and what I wanted to do. I wanted to marry this women. It was beautiful and amazing. It took a mental shift.

Scott Barlow: What was the name of the pilgrimage?

Matt Toy: It’s called the Camino de Santiago. The way of St James in English. I’m not Catholic, my wife is. It was more of a soul searching, self-discovery thing.

Scott Barlow: What is the pathway?

Matt Toy: There are many pathways. One goes through Portugal. You probably saw some of the signs. Mine started in the border of France and Spain on the France Side, the northwestern part of France. You jump over the Pyrenees and continue through the Meseta of Spain, a high plateau, and eventually get into Galicia which is green rolling hills, just gorgeous, and finally you get to Santiago. There is a huge cathedral. It’s an amazing experience for anyone who needs to take a vacation that is good for body, mind and soul. I actually wrote a book on it.

Scott Barlow: I was going to say didn’t you write a guide for that. Small plug if you are going to take that. I know a great resource.

Matt Toy: It’s called the Preparedness Guide for the Camino de Santiago. If you aren’t an experienced hiker and do not know what gear to get it will be helpful. You can get it on Amazon.

Scott Barlow: That is awesome. I didn’t realize that is where that came from. We had a conversation. I said I was going to Portugal and you told us about that journey but I didn’t realize it sparked you coming back and marrying your now wife and everything else that happened. What happened from there?

Matt Toy: Think of the pendulum. I was at the center and it switched over to the positive side. I got married, took a two month honeymoon in Europe. Come back and I’m like “oh Shit” - love life is great, relationship fantastic - Career. I still have these different fantasies I can’t let die of this online business. I started the landscaping job to make money, it paid really well. I wasn’t coming home happy and energized. I tell people in my yoga class, I want you to be tired but energized at the same time. If you feel down emotionally it isn’t working and we need to change something. It means you’ve done work but its good work. I wasn’t getting that. I started searching again. I popped into Ramit’s page and found you. I signed up for your coaching course. The main questions I needed answered were: what am I good at? What am I going to contribute? What will I make great money doing but do what I want and love to do in a way that I shine through the rest so my competition doesn’t even compare to me because this is my niche or what I excel at? These people excel at other things and that is there market. I had been teaching yoga but I had never really considered it to be the thing that would satisfy all of it; which is funny and ridiculous.

Scott Barlow: In hindsight it kept you sane all these years and you kept coming back to it and you loved it. I remember having the conversation early on about yoga. And you were like no I don’t really want to do that, but maybe.

Matt Toy: It’s pretty ridiculous when you look back. I remember I asked some of my closest friends through a nice email to tell me my strengths and them to be completely honest, not just an ego boost. What would you say at my funeral? It’s interesting because all the people said something about yoga. There was a distinct pattern and for some reason I just wouldn’t see it. I think the fantasy of having the online business with the “freedom” was enticing and yet my story and path was this yoga one that I was failing to fully see and embrace it and own it. That’s kind of a snapshot of what I was going through in the program. Do I do yoga, or coach?

Scott Barlow: What was that like because if I remember it took four or five months to circle back around and begin to be comfortable with that. What was it like on the inside?  I think people are going through that when they are interested in starting a business and I think we have a tendency to see what other people are doing and grab onto it and say it’s for me. When we talked it was apparent you needed the personal interaction with people to have a minimal level of happiness and it didn’t fit with the online business.

Matt Toy: I’m glad you asked. The short answer was it was horrible. I was waking up every day and wondering what am I going to do today. What are my goals? Waking up and feeling lost and analyzing over and over again and getting the same answers. Yoga wasn’t part of the discussion in my head. It’s looking outside of yourself and saying oh that looks cool that is exactly what I want to do. Like the Four Hour Work Week book that is exactly what I want to do. The risk is, let’s say I did have a huge level of financial success doing online stuff, it would bring me some degree of satisfaction but at my core I need the personal touch. I need to be involved face to face with people. Over time it would have worn me out like every other job because it’s not me. It was extremely painful because it’s looking and asking over and over and analyzing until it came full circle; hey dummy yoga is the thing.

Scott Barlow: What caused you, and I know it was a series of events, now looking back, which is always obvious looking back on what career you should start, it becomes so obvious you question how you ignored it. What took place for you to stop pushing it to the side or ignoring it?

Matt Toy: That is a great question. A few things come to mind. I’m not sure there is one thing. The coaching course stopped and I felt like I didn’t have anything to show for it. It was highly valuable to me but I felt I had little to show compared to the other people in the group. It made me want to take action. I did throughout the course which I think is the biggest thing. I got paid to coach one guy for a couple weeks. It was okay, because I thought I wanted to be a coach during the program. Or other things.

Once you start to take action you can cross things off the list. They are no longer hypothetical. I started doing research and connecting with these people and there was no interest and you can cross it off. I kept crossing things off the list because of my action. The course ended so I did what I did best, taught yoga, talk about yoga, have people look within and live deeper lives. Friends came up to me to ask me to teach them yoga. Basically it was like that until I realized that was what I needed to be doing. It was a variety of things.

The biggest lesson is to take action, do something. I remember you telling me it doesn’t mean you will do that thing forever. You can change. I’ve changed multiple times. I was first just teaching men but now teach men and women. I recognize the pattern of people that come to me. They want strength, stillness, body and mind not just the flowery stuff. I wouldn’t have gotten to this point without taking action. That is the biggest lesson. Take action. Do something.

Scott Barlow: That is super interesting for many reasons. Particularly as you were going through this and you were doing it with other people getting coaching at the same time. I didn’t realize at that time that there was a comparison or feeling of pressure. That is interesting for me putting on my coach hat. We had some people doing really well and far along in bringing in money. I didn’t realize that. The second thing is the work you were doing was something everyone needs to go through and it takes different amounts of time. I haven’t found anybody that can put it on a particular track record to check of each step. For you that was going through and crossing things off the list that were in your head to make sure they weren’t what you wanted to do. Everyone has to go through some variation of that for it to feel good about what you do choose. And settle into that market and feel like it is you. There is a question there somewhere. How do you think about that going through that process?

Matt Toy: I think you are right. Everyone has a different way going through that process and getting to the core of what they are here to do. It can be relationships, career or anything. What is interesting, and I didn’t tell you, but anytime I would be calm or sit in stillness, my mind was whispering hey Matt, yoga is what you are supposed to be teaching. I’d get a rush of emotion, and not fleeting that this was my purpose but then my mind kicked in again.

Scott Barlow: Logic overriding the heart.

Matt Toy: Exactly. There is a balance of logic and heart. But that feeling of fulfillment and happiness that people want doesn’t come from the mind. I had to listen and sometimes I couldn’t. Let’s say that logic is correct, let’s create a list of possible things to take action. That is what I’m paying Scott for and he told me to do. I started crossing things off. I’m sure other people have other ways of challenging the mind and coming up with what you really want to do but for me I didn’t have anything else to cross off. Let’s do yoga.

Scott Barlow: I think that is good for a variety of ways. So many of us want to rush right to the thing. How do I get to the right thing, the right business, how do I choose correctly? It puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on us and when you look at it that way it defeats the purpose and you can’t get to the thing and when you get there it will evolve. In your case, once you became okay with I need to stop ignoring this side what were the scariest parts of getting to your first clients and thinking of it from starting a business?

Matt Toy: That is a good question. It’s my biggest fears. The biggest one was when I held my all male yoga class which I dubbed Male Yoga. Would anyone show up? I knew three to four guys would. I think fifteen guys showed up and that was minimal marketing. Mostly mouth to mouth and my network and their friends. It felt so good fifteen guys showed up to learn yoga. Most hadn’t done it before. The fear was there but you have to keep going and act in the face of fear. It takes courage to run a business and take that first step from thought to reality.

Scott Barlow: That is interesting. That event I remember talking and emailing about. You were really apprehensive and didn’t want to do it if I remember right.

Matt Toy: I don’t think I did. What was interesting was after the course we were still in contact and also with people in the group and they were like you just need to do it. I was like fine I’ll do it. I’ll teach men yoga. I had a vision in my mind I wanted to do it but something was holding me back. I think it was the fear that no one would show up. Then it was that thought that if no one showed up I wasn’t worthy or good enough. We internalize these things that are BS. I went through with it and it worked out. Just take action.

Scott Barlow: I think that is the theme here. I think without continually doing something about it. We designed experiments for you for lack of a better phrase to test the different markets and you went out there and learned they weren’t what you wanted to do which was so cool. I heard you say failure. I think some people would look at those interactions as failures. But I don’t. I’m proud of you for doing that. It escalates getting to a spot you feel really good about faster. If you hadn’t done it how long do you think it would have taken?

Matt Toy: I don’t even know how long. You can’t put a time limit on it.

Scott Barlow: Would it have happened?

Matt Toy: I think that is the bigger question. And the answer is no. It wouldn’t have. Things don’t just manifest. You have to take action for it to come into play. That is why yoga is so great. You move your body and breath and take action, you find stillness and calm and things arise but you took action first. The same with your career. If you’re stuck and trying to figure out your strengths go do the research. Those tests you had me go through were fantastic. Here are my strengths that makes sense. It gives you the confidence boost to take action and do something. I think that is the theme today. Just take action with whatever you have even if it’s not the perfect idea or business plan.

Scott Barlow: That is super cool. I’m curious what advice would you give people that are in this same place as they are going through this, because you have a unique perspective on this one piece. Building business or changing a career or path of any kind is hard and taxing. What would you suggest with your expertise?

Matt Toy: One of the things that comes to mind is habits. What I loved about your course is the master schedule. Looking down and saying what does my schedule look like on a daily, weekly and monthly basis to see where I’m losing time and not being effective. Where am I sitting by myself thinking and analyzing and judging? That was helpful to look at and see when am I going to take action and growing a business am I still going to the gym and eat well and do yoga. You allocate time to all the things that keep the machine going and gas in the tank. The downfall or pitfall I’ve seen especially for younger people in their 20s or 30s is they get all hyped up and go full-fledged. Whether it is the right idea it doesn’t matter. They go full-fledged and burn themselves out. They are kind of stuck. I think it’s a learning process and okay but if it is to happen you have to take care of yourself. Sleep, nutrition, fruits and vegetables and for me yoga and moving my body. Don’t lose the core principles while you build a business. It is challenging to build a business. There are a lot of unknowns and puts you in a frantic emotional state. The better you can get on your health and wellness the better. That will go back to the effectiveness and efficiency of how you run your business and the decisions you make.

Matt Toy: Yeah go to my website which is matthewatoy.com with two t‘s. You can book a class which would be the best thing. Come meet me and the group of guys or do a private if you aren’t well versed in yoga. Follow me on Instagram that is easy to do @MatthewToyYoga. Those are the two best. Sign up and stay connected through email on the website.

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Dialing into Your Network to Land Your Next Career with Tanya Malcom Revell

Whoever said that hard work and perseverance doesn’t pay off sure didn’t meet Tanya.

What Tanya Malcolm Revell did when she was looking to make her big career change was no easy feat.

Besides being an American looking for work that fit her in London, U.K., Tanya is also a Career Change Bootcamp alum and our guest for this installment of our most recent CCB success story.After experiencing the overwhelm of career burnout from her previous positions and frustration with the job search overseas, Tanya found HTYC, enrolled in CCB, put in the hard work, built strategic relationships, and persevered even after hitting a few bumps in the road to land her ideal job. Learn her tips for growing your personal network.

I WILL NEVER GO OUT FOR A JOB JUST BECAUSE IT HAS PRESENTED ITSELF ON SOME RANDOM LINKEDIN JOB BLAST THAT SOUNDS GOOD. I’LL FOCUS ON COMPANIES THAT I KNOW THAT I WILL BE APPRECIATED IN, THAT I KNOW I WILL BE ABLE TO GROW IN, I KNOW THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO WORK IN SOME SORT OF COLLABORATIVE ENVIRONMENT.

TANYA MALCOM REVELL
CURIOUS HOW SHE DID IT?

You’re in luck!

Here’s a case study on how Tanya leveraged her previous work and life experience, overcame her obstacles, and established brand-new relationships with the key players that would lead her to land her new career.

TANYA’S IDEAL CAREER GOALS

Tanya’s top priority was to find a job that aligned with who she was and offered her exactly what she was looking for.

At the top of Tanya’s career needs were sharing a belief system with an organization that valued the things she valued, such as:

  1. A collaborative environment
  2. Growth within the company
  3. Recognition for a job well done

Whether it is lacking the confidence in our own knowledge and skills, or debating which path to take to get where you want to go, we all have our career change roadblocks.

For Tanya, she knew what she was capable of and where she wanted to take her skills and experience.

The things that were slowing her down were:

  •  The fact that she had just moved to a new country
  •  Her hesitation to reach out and establish a connection with people outside of her own network

Like most of our stumbling blocks (outside of getting the correct work visa), it was all in her head, and she knew it.

How did she break free from this mental roadblock?

She changed her perspective.

In her previous work experience, she had to reach out to people to get her job done.

She brought on that new mindset of “this task must be completed in order to get the job done,” to continue her process to reach her dream career.

“OKAY, LOOK. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THIS DESPERATELY, OR THIS BADLY, THEN WHY WOULDN’T YOU WORK OUTSIDE OF YOUR NORMAL OPERATING LEVELS OR YOUR NORMAL CONVENTIONS? WHAT’S THE WORST THAT THEY CAN SAY?”

– TANYA MALCOM REVELL

With those challenges in mind, Tanya was determined to make this career search a more focused one than what she had done in her previous job searches, so she enlisted the help of HTYC.

Tanya knew that if she was going to make a successful career switch in a new country, she wasn’t going to be able to continue on her own.

She found HTYC and enrolled in our Career Change Bootcamp, which equipped her with the framework and support she needed guide her through the finish line of snagging her new job.

Here are the key elements that Tanya followed in order to land her new position.

1. IDENTIFYING STRENGTHS

Here at HTYC, we’re big believers that people do best when they work in their strengths.

As with any big plan for change, you need to layout a foundation to build on. When it comes to working in your strengths, you need just that — a list of all of your strengths.

In order to identify her strengths, Tanya completed an exercise from the CCB program that consisted of things like:

  •  Looking at her job experiences in the past to identify what she excelled in
  • Looking for patterns, repetition, and connections from her past
  • Asking for input from her close friends and family

You can learn more about the process here.

Once she developed a list of her strengths, she was able to move onto the next step of figuring out what she valued.

2. EVALUATING VALUES

Values like strengths are an integral part to determining where you work next.

Don’t think so?

Think about this:

Would you go for a job that you  knew didn’t value your work ethic? 

Would you work for an organization that wasn’t flexible with your work schedule?

Would you apply somewhere that you knew didn’t promote from within the company?

We all have different wants, needs, and would-like-to-haves, so why not know what those are?

While you’re at it, make a list of what you definitely don’t want in you next job, too!

For Tanya, knowing all the things that she didn’t want in her next career and knowing the things that she had to have in common with the next organization she worked with, helped her narrow her scope of companies that she would be more intentional about focusing her time on. 

Putting in the work and the effort throughout the bootcamp, really paying attention to myself and my thoughts — what worked, what didn’t work throughout my career, what I was looking for, what my wants were, what my motivations were, my minimums, my ideals, etc.

TANYA MALCOM REVELL
3. CREATING AN IDEAL CAREER PROFILE

As we all know, our lives change over time. Depending on conditions, so do our values.

By looking back at you past job experiences, you learn a lot about what you don’t want in your career.

Taking the lists of strengths and values that Tanya defined in the first two steps of the process that HTYC outlined for her, she was able to create her own Ideal Career Profile (ICP).

Creating an ICP is something that Tanya credits for helping put herself into perspective.

With her ICP, Tanya was able to narrow down job positions AND organizations that really aligned with her career and life goals.

Getting all of her ‘asks’ down on paper let her pool her energy to focus on her end goal.

Although she knew that she would never find herself in the perfect role for life, she knew that the ICP that she created would be ideal for what she was looking for now as an American living in London for now.

4. CONNECTING WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE

As soon as she did the research on her career wants, needs, ideals, and minimums, she knew she wanted to work for Wanderlust, an event production company that produces yoga festivals globally.

The next step of the process required Tanya to take the bull by the horns and reach out to key people within the Wanderlust organization.

She broke this step down by first, reaching out to others in her network to see if she knew anyone that had connections at Wanderlust. With that one action, she made a connection to the Co-founder of Wanderlust (!!).

SO YOU FOUND A CONNECTION?
WHAT NEXT?

The next part of this step is building and fostering your new connection with the understanding that you’re not going to just to flat out ask for a job.

Fostering a new (and important connection) requires you to do a bit of an information exchange. You want to give something to people as well.

How will you help the organization?

What skills do you bring that makes their lives easier? 

Within your communications, you’ll want to make sure to convey interest (and enthusiasm!) in their particular brand/organization.

Just putting this all down on paper, I realized that it’s not rocket science. At the end of the day, this is me. But what it did for me, it helped me put me in perspective. It helped me really think about myself in a different light. See myself through a bigger lens.

TANYA MALCOM REVELL
LUSTING AFTER WANDERLUST NO MORE

Tanya applied all of her learnings from the CCB program (listed above) and landed a position at the organization she targeted from her Ideal Career Profile — Wanderlust.

Tanya is currently spearheading a project to bring the Wanderlust festivals to the UK and Europe.

What does she attribute her successful career transition to?

Her connections.

Tanya is particularly proud about getting over her fear to reach out to her network.

She was able to be more intentional about seeking out specific people and establishing relationships with the key players at Wanderlust.

Without that piece of the career change process, Tanya wouldn’t be in the position that she is in now — working her dream job at the exact company she targeted during the first steps of her career change research.

Things may not happen overnight. But, eventually if you follow your process and are consistently following up with the people you reach out to, a career transition will happen for you.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when you don’t see a glimmer.

The career change process is just that, A PROCESS.

With perseverance comes the drive and motivation.

DON’T FORGET WHAT IS DRIVING YOU TO CHANGE CAREERS.

Sometimes, all you need to do is step back, breathe, take it all in, and refocus on your ideal career goals.

It wasn’t somebody coming to me. It wasn’t me trying to throw my resume into a random lotto of 100 million other people for the same job. This was me networking. This was me building relationships. This was me sticking with it, even when I wasn’t getting a response on an email or a phone call. I was just calling back and making sure they knew who I was.

Tanya Malcom Revell
JUST TO RECAP SOME OF THE BIGGEST TAKEAWAYS FROM TANYA’S CAREER SEARCH EXPERIENCE:
  • Know your wants, needs, and values — and don’t just go for any job that pops up, go for a job that aligns with YOU
  • Breaking out of your comfort zone, putting yourself out there, and growing your own personal network is important — what’s the worst they can say? 
  • Push past the negative and continue to focus on yourself in the positive. Your situation isn’t permanent. You will make the change!
  • Hard work, dedication, and perseverance is what will get you through the rough bumps in the road (see bullet point #2)

We know that your decision to change careers isn’t something to be taken lightly. You want your next career to be everything you want and more (we totally get it!). That is why we’ve created the Career Change Bootcamp program to guide you to build a strong foundation that will go even more in depth to help you determine what it is you want out of your next career.

Want tips on growing you personal network? Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career advisor.

DON’T LET THE HARD DAYS, OR THE DAYS THAT YOU THINK YOU’RE NOT MOVING FORWARD OR NOTHING IS HAPPENING, STOP YOU OR SLOW YOU DOWN…IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD DOUBLE DOWN IN YOUR EFFORTS.

TANYA MALCOM REVELL

Introduction 00:00
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, Episode 182.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 00:07
The job searches were pretty much leading me, I was very overwhelmed and very scattered throughout my searches, not really knowing where to focus or how to focus. And then of course, as I'm looking at the calendar, all of a sudden, a week has gone by, two weeks have gone by, and now than a month, and then two months, three months, and I was getting very bummed out, to say the least.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:37
This is Happen To Your Career, we help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing, or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Mike Bigelow 01:01
I'm an engineer who was living in Portland, Oregon, and was moving up to Seattle, Washington to support my wife's career change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:07
This is Michael, he's made career changes before but this one was different.

Mike Bigelow 01:11
A lot of the folks I talk to using a sort of like normal channels, we're often saying, "hey, we'd love to have somebody like you on the team. Unfortunately, we just let three or four people just like you go, because there's not enough work to go around anymore."

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:24
Listen for Michael's story later in the episode to learn how he used coaching to help him figure out what fits him and make the change to work he loves.

Mike Bigelow 01:31
You have somebody in your corner who's looking out for your best interest. They're pushing you to be the best version of yourself and to stretch and grow yourself consistently towards that best self.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:43
Hey, this is Scott Anthony Barlow and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. And we get to bring on experts like Jenny Blake, who stopped holding herself back to help people start to make pivots in their own careers or people that have pretty amazing stories like Paul Maskill, who combined his passions to create a business he enjoys running. And these are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are to what they really want to be doing and there, just like our next guest.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 02:12
My name is Tanya, and I work with Wanderlust and if you're not familiar with them, Wanderlust started as a yoga studio, but now has branched out and produces festivals and events throughout the world. I got myself into a position where I am now a part of the production team involved in bringing Wanderlust into Europe and presently into London into the United Kingdom.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:38
In her story, this is such a fantastic story. I absolutely love it and had the pleasure of being able to tag along for the ride and give her help the whole entire way. And you're gonna get to learn how and why it's key to create what we call an ideal career profile for yourself before you even begin searching those online job banks, and the most valuable steps in our career change bootcamp process that'll actually help you properly position yourself during your next career transition. And this is a fun what the true benefits, the true benefits of putting yourself out there and networking and what that can even look like, in a way that's useful to you. And how looking at the positive rather than sulking on the negative. Well, it outcomes in instrumental, it's just absolutely instrumental in helping you keep perspective in your career goals. And that might sound obvious, but how do you actually do that too? All that and plenty more. I think you're gonna love this conversation with Tanya.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 03:43
Well, it started in New York City in television production. So I really cut my teeth in the MTV Music Television arena, and was in there, gosh, for about 12, 13 years, on and off doing exploring within television production, and then jumping in and out to different facets of the Music Television arena. So I was, like I said, a TV producer, but I also did experiential marketing around events. And I worked on festivals. And until very recently, I was working as a tour manager for pretty big bands. And like I said, I've done this for years and years and years and the overwhelming process throughout every new job that I would take was, I really don't like this. I really don't like something in my job, because it's not fulfilling. It's not necessarily the work itself, although I'm sure there are bits and pieces that drive me nuts, but it's not that particularly, it's a bigger umbrella, and I can't quite put my finger on what the heck it is. But you know, there's a new job, and it's right in front of me. So I'll go ahead and grab that one anyway. And that been pretty much my story year over a year, you know, the available job and not really diving in deeply into, why am I having these thoughts? You know, why is this job career not really fulfilling? So why is this circle keep happening exactly? So, my journey started, gosh, you heard what I was saying about not being fulfilled about my position, but I’ve been really started to transition really happened when my husband and I decided to move outside of the United States and come over to the United Kingdom. And I was ecstatic for many reasons. But in terms of my career, I thought this would be a great opportunity to just not reinvent myself, but maybe just do that, reinvent myself. Look at what I've been doing and start from scratch, which you know, sounds all well and good and ideally that would have happened and I would have gotten a job the next month or day or whatever.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:54
24 hours later, at least. “We've arrived!” Okay, Where's it at?

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 05:59
Fortunate, after a little bit of a longer deal getting a work be the spouse work visa, I just got sat down and said, I refuse to fall into my old ways, I really need to think about what I wanna get out of my next position. I'm in a great place to do that right now. There's no overwhelming monetary need for me to jump into something. As I felt that years and years living in New York City, it's just all about the next job and who knows you. So I felt like to slow down and really evaluate where I was at. And I tried to do that on my own and realize very, very quickly that I was going nowhere fast. The job searches were pretty much leading me, I was very overwhelmed and very scattered throughout my searches, not really knowing where to focus or how to focus. So getting more and more frustrated throughout the entire process, and then of course, as I'm looking at the calendar, all of a sudden, a week has gone by, two weeks have gone by, and now than a month, and then two months, three months, and I was getting very bummed out, to say the least. And then I think I went online. And I just said, I need to find a podcast about career transitions and finding a job. And I stumbled across your interview with the on Max list. And I swear, I listened to you and the Happen To Your Career bootcamp, and you were talking about and I said, "Oh my God, that's me." This is what I need. I need some guidance. I need a voice who can help me get to the bottom of what I truly need to get not just for myself, but just that great work life balance for myself, my husband, my career, etc. And I went online and I think we were talking within the next couple of hours. I called or emailed you right away, and voila, I was inundated with the Happen To Your Career process.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:49
I think I got your email somehow ended up on a Skype call, like I’ll just gonna call her.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 07:53
Yeah, that's exactly how it happened. And I have to say, Scott, you know, it's when I was talking to my husband and I said, "this is the first time where I feel like I have found someone in something that is going to make me focus and give me purpose." But I feel like I, my purpose is about to explode everywhere. And having gone through a couple different conversations with you, I jumped into the bootcamp. And you know, the rest is history, so to speak, in the sense that ultimately, and I'll give you the abbreviated version and then dive in a little bit more deeply, but ultimately putting in the work and the effort throughout the bootcamp really paying attention to myself and my thoughts and kind of my gut as well, what worked, what didn't work throughout my career, what I was looking for, what my wants were, what my motivations were, my minimums, my ideals, etc. And just putting this all down on paper, you know, I realized it's not rocket science, at the end of the day, this is me. But what it did for me is it helped to put me into perspective. You know, it helped me to really think about myself in a different light by evaluating my skills, my beliefs, my needs, and my wants. I mean, it's almost like I was able to see myself through a bigger lens. And then in turn, now, I was able to properly position myself and focus myself like in this career transition. And that's the key that had been missing this entire time. I didn't know how to position myself, I didn't know how to focus and I didn't really know what I wanted at the base. So going through everything, coming out of it at the back end, with this great, like my career profile, and it's there and it's what I want, what I need, and then focusing my search on companies based upon that, that shared my belief system that had the values that I was looking for, I targeted Wanderlust and I think was one of the first companies that came out of my mouth once as soon as I had this great profile, and I was like, "I want to work for Wanderlust."

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:52
Really? That's pretty cool.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 09:54
Absolutely. And then a couple of other places on my list is as you should... That was always key and number one, so yeah. And then I just did everything that you guys basically coached us to do the reach out, the network, you know, massaging your network to see who knows who and reaching out to them and seeing if you get introductions and being very bold and forward, which is part of what I do in my job. But in terms of a job search, I was very hesitant to do.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:23
It's outside your normal conventional operating area, like...

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 10:26
And that was the other pieces, I was like, “okay, look, you want something this desperately or this badly, then why wouldn't you work outside of your normal operating levels or your normal conventions?” What's the worst that they can say? You know, but that's better than no answer whatsoever that you wouldn't have gotten in the first place. So I did all of that. And I got into one of the co-founders of the festival, I got directly to him. And he, in turn then, you know, obviously responded to my email. And then, because I'm now in the UK, he shot me through to that arm that deals with all of the branding outside of the United States. So then, of course, in bigger conversations started there with that entity. And it was a little bit of a painful process just because they weren't quite ready to have the deeper conversations, although they did recognize that I would be a good fit. It was one of those things. And you've mentioned this and Lisa, during many of our coaching sessions, reiterated this, it's not necessarily what they can do for you right then and there. It's about establishing a relationship and keeping that relationship going so that when there is an opportunity, you're the first person they're going to think of. And Scott, that's exactly what I did.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:44
Know this is so wonderful, because I'm not surprised by it anymore. I don't think that's the right word. But I'm always amazed at how when you define what it is that you want and when you know what you want and then when you take action or ask for what you want or go after what it is that you want, very often…

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 12:04
It manifests itself. Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:06
Yeah, yeah, it is just a really interesting phenomenon that I observe all the time, in my life, I've observed in a lot of the lives of our students, clearly this has happened for you. And just like you said, the other really interesting part of that is 100% of the time, or I should say, nearly 100% of the time, what we want is outside the realm of what we've done before, which means that by definition, it's outside our normal comfort zones or normal operations zones or anything else, which also by definition, makes it uncomfortable. So it’s, kudos to you for moving through that because that's not an easy thing to do at all.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 12:43
It wasn’t. But you know, Scott, at the end of the day, if you want something and you're determined to make a change in your life and in your career, I could not go another day saying, “oh, I'm not happy or I don't like my job or I wish I didn't have to go to work today” I was over that. I spent way too much time thinking of the negatives. So there was only one thing for me to do, and that was focused on me and the positive and the future. I couldn't dwell on the past anymore. And it wasn't beneficial for me, nor was it beneficial for my job hunt. So I still am flabbergasted that the conversations went very, very well, with wanderlust, but I'm still flabbergasted that they said, “Hey, by the way, the London events are starting up and we'd like for you to lead the charge on it. Are you available to start tomorrow?” So yeah, it was exactly like you had kind of presented it in the sense that the hard work, the dedication, having your career profile or dialing that far down into your wants, your needs, your beliefs, etc, like I mentioned, and coming up with that, you can only find something that is going to speak to you and represent who you are. Because that's what you're focusing on. And that's where your career search is going towards. So at the end of the day, whatever presents itself is going to be a positive outcome for you, no matter what. And that has been the biggest revelation for me, I will never go out for a job just because it's presented itself on some random LinkedIn, you know, job blast and it sounds good. Other than me, focusing on companies that I know that I will be appreciated in, I know that I will be able to grow in, I know that I will be able to work in some sort of collaborative environment, a big piece for me to having a flexible work schedule. I really don't like taking the tube during rush hour. I don't know too many people who do. Having a schedule where I could flex my hours and work from home when I wanted to. And also go into an office if I wanted to, and may are 100% on board with that, which I did a couple of fist pumps in the air when I heard that, but more importantly working with people whose values are really aligned with me in mind. So yeah, I've got all that. I've got everything I wanted. That's the craziest part, everything, not one, not two, not two and a half, like everything.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:14
It feels crazy right now. But I think the cool part is that now that you've done that, you realize that, that is something that you can build for yourself every single time that you want to make a switch or I don't know if something changes in your life in which you need something different and you have to make a change for one reason or another because something no longer aligns. Then you now have the tools and the experience to know that, that's totally possible for yourself, which is super, super cool.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 15:43
Yeah, absolutely. And I have the tools to be able to pivot I mean, it's called a career pivot for a reason, right? And I feel more confident in being able to shift left to right, front or back, whatever, but knowing that I'm going to move forward in a direction that aligns with me. And again, I've never had that before. I've never had that feeling behind me.

Mike Bigelow 16:08
I'm an engineer who was living in Portland, Oregon, and was moving up to Seattle, Washington to support my wife's career change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:15
Remember Michael? We already told you that he'd made some career changes before but this one in particular, it was different.

Mike Bigelow 16:22
A lot of the folks I talked to using sort of my normal channels, were often saying, "hey, we'd love to have somebody like you on the team. Unfortunately, we just let three or four people just like you go, because there's not enough work to go around anymore."

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:35
Michael realize that this was not an opportunity for a change in location.

Mike Bigelow 16:39
This could be not just a lateral move from one city to another, but it could have the opportunity, be a promotion, as well, leading projects to potentially leading teams of technical people. And that is sort of been where I wanted to be for a long time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:51
As we work with him, he began to explore a much bigger picture.

Mike Bigelow 16:55
It wasn't just about finding a job. It was about finding my place in a community and being able to show folks that I wasn't there just to find something. I was interested in our conversation beyond the Mike needs a place to land in Seattle.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:11
He put in the work to really connect with people and made it happen.

Mike Bigelow 17:14
As we're speaking now I sitting in my new apartment, having unpacked most of it in a gap week between when I left my old job, when I'm starting my new job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:24
Congratulations to Michael on finding work he loves that fits his family's needs. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how coaching can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on coaching to apply or pause right now and text MY COACH to 44222. Again, you can just pause right now we'll send over the application, text MY COACH to 44222.

Mike Bigelow 17:51
And what was wonderful about working with the Happen To Your Career team was that I was able to learn so much about how to go from good to great in that career transition.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:05
You're in such an interesting place because you've just moved through it. So I'm always really interested in people's opinions. Like, I'm a research not in this way. But what do you feel like were some of the key either events or things that had to happen in order for you to be ready to make this type of change and look at it in a different way? As you look back, what were some of those for you? I think it's a little bit different for everybody, but I’m curious.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 18:31
Yeah, absolutely. I think 100%, like phase one was figure out what the heck I wanted to get out of my career. What I wanted to get out of this next phase in my life, and I think everybody has to do that before they can be successful in anything period. And you can go through life, you can go through your jobs and be successful. But to truly get every drop out of the experience, and more positive obviously than negative, you got to figure out what makes you tick. And what's gonna keep you going 100%.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:03
Well, let me ask you even a little bit before that, what caused you to get frustrated enough to the point where you wanting to do it differently than you had done it before? I know that you'd mentioned, hey, there was this move to London, and it seems like the opportunity time, and certainly timing had happened. But I know plenty of people that have made a move abroad or move to a different country. I've interacted with those people over email that aren't to the point and level where they're necessarily going to take action on it, if you will.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 19:33
Got it. Absolutely. Well, as I mentioned, I was working in television production and entertainment. And what I didn't mention is I was living in Los Angeles prior to moving to the UK. So being inundated in the entertainment arena, again was great stepping stone. It's gotten me to where I'm at today. But what it really quickly does is it frustrates you by the amount of ego that needs to be managed in throughout if its artists, producers, etc. The one thing that I through my search my profile, I've really understood that I'm very good at being that person that can morph myself into different situations. So I’m the very good at flexing and being supportive of others. And I was doing that more to it an extent where it was more detrimental to me and my career health.

Scott Anthony Barlow 20:26
That's interesting.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 20:27
Yeah, I was giving out more to others than I was getting back. So and you know, okay great, this me choosing to do this. But the consistency of doing that year over year and feeling like, well yes, I was progressing in my career in terms of title. I wasn't getting anything back in terms of support, or just even if it was just a little kudos, “hey, by the way, great job” nothing, just nothing in that regard. And it didn't make me feel good, at the end of the day while you have the event, the project, the festival, the concert was success, I was still kind of at a, we can say 1 to 10, I was always at a 5, in terms of what I would get out of it. So I was absolutely frustrated with that. And every job even moved through different arenas, from television production to festival thinking, okay, maybe something new and different will happen here. At the base. I really did like a lot of the work that I was doing, it was just this overarching piece that I thought I could change up and unfortunately, it wasn't working, at least in that entertainment festival TV arena. So with the move, I knew I wanted to put a stop to that cycle and that I wanted to get a lot more out of myself and out of what I was doing for others and I wanted to be more empowering to a community but also something that I could feel proud of and say, “hey, Mom, Dad, take a look at what I just produced” you know, instead of some random show on MTV. So that was the impetus behind me really starting the journey. London was the conduit, and Happen To Your Career was the platform. So, yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:06
I love that, I'm gonna borrow that. Several look, it might change from London, I don’t know.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 22:13
Absolutely, no, but that's exactly, that's my story on the front end into a nutshell. And then other thing, it’s just in terms of what else had to happen to make this happen was very quickly, I've always been into yoga. I've always been into health and wellness, or have it been though ‘whoo’ you know, 24/7 type of person. But it's always been very integral in my life. No matter where I'd been. If I'd been on the road, I would always take out time to go to the gym, maybe take a yoga class, go to the wide, walk around the park or whatever, you know, have a good meal, that's always been a foundation of who I am. So, which was great. But I didn't have the network here in London. So the other part is I really had to establish a network and put my face out there, take those leaps that didn't feel comfortable and maybe present myself at an event where I knew nobody, and with business cards and a handshake, just make people know me like, I'm here yet again. And I did that and did with a couple of key influencers in the health and wellness market. And it just resonated. So I put myself in front of yoga studios and actually said, “hey, by the way, if there's an opportunity, I'd love to volunteer and help out and once a week, or if it's event based, I'm here.” And I actually got signed on with one of the largest yoga studios here in London.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:35
Really?

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 23:35
And funnily enough, this is a little secret, but funnily enough, we're going to try to see if we can get them on board at Wanderlust because it's such a great studio and I have all the contacts and now.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:44
Hold on. That's it. This is something that is really interesting that happens with nearly everybody that goes through this process is, and it's so fascinating to me, you go through, and I'm gonna call it just doing the work, you're putting in the reps, for lack of a better phrase. And inevitably, you start to build relationships.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:03
Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:04
And then as you build those relationships, you don't know where or when necessarily, but those actually end up becoming useful or mutually beneficial for…

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:15
Like one degree separated.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:16
Yeah, exactly. For a variety of different reasons, not necessarily just, you know, transactional, that's gonna get me to my next job, or whatever it happens to be. But this is super, super, super cool. So now, you not only got to know these people, and it sounds like people that you were really interested in knowing anyway, based on the work that you had done and said, hey, this is kind of where my values and interests and everything else fall. But then now it sounds like you're getting to work with them continuously or possibly, right?

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 24:46
Absolutely. And you're right, the people that I have met just by doing that, the world is large until it's not, you know, and the health and wellness industry in the UK is booming. But it's still I mean, compared to the US, it's still fledgling, so the people who shine and actually take an active part and participate, you will see them over and over again or you know, or maybe you recognize another person at the next event. So having the touch points with the yoga studios, having the touch points with the gyms, having the touch points with the great health platform aggregator that just kind of brings in the health, wellness news and not regurgitates that brings it in a nice condensed package to the consumers and they also have events, I would go to their events where you would meet influencers in the health and wellness arena, whether it's clothing lines or food products, etc. So just a bunch of different POV’s in this arena. Then, you know, afterwards you'd get to meet them, cards or exchange and so forth and so on. And that's just what I was doing. And I kept building and building and building so much so that with Wanderlust, you know, a big part of any event is the ties into the community and obviously for the the consumer draw, but also what can we present to the consumer that they're gonna like and appreciate. So having gone to all of these wellness industry events, where they presented the new and upcoming trendy thing or what's resonating, I already know, all of this stuff, the research is done. Now we just have to go out and engage them. So I could not have made this up, even if I tried. But no, really I couldn't. But just staying on top of it even when I know, here in London, the rain, you know, rainy day didn't really feel like doing anything. I didn't really feel like going up to Soho to go to an event but I just, you know what, Tanya, at the end of the day, what do you have to lose, and just did it and every single time I've walked away saying, “oh my gosh, I got this person's contact. I had a great time. I learned more about X, Y, and Z out of everything, and nothing has been too small or too big.”

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:56
Let me ask you about a couple of different pieces of the process, for lack of a better phrase, like your journey, we'll call it that. You mentioned earlier, you'd sent an email and connected with one of main people for events. Right? So, I'm curious for people, we touched on that earlier, but I'm curious what you actually did in that particular case and why you feel that particular email, contact, etc. actually worked? What about it?

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 27:25
Ah, this is a great question. So it wasn't as simple as I, you know, wasn't as streamlined as that, what happened was, I came out of, I forget what week it was in the bootcamp, and I was like, “Eureka! I know what I want. And I want to work for Wanderlust.” And again, I just started looking at a my network first and foremost to see if I had any ties with the Wanderlust. And on the first level, I didn't think that I did. And I just started mentioning it to everybody again, I'm trying to manifest it. So I'm throwing it out there. And every person that I met, or the person that I had worked with, I said, “hey, by the way, you know, I'm really interested in working with Wanderlust. Do you know anybody? Or have you been to one? Etc.” So I actually landed on a coworker who had, she said, I don't know anybody directly at Wanderlust, but I think I know somebody who's good friends with one of the founders, and I was like, you've got to be kidding me. So based upon my relationship with this woman, which was fantastic, my co workers, she then introduced me to reached out, yes indeed, that this other woman had a relationship with the co founder, and then in turn, based upon their relationship introduced me on the weight, the strength of my work, my ethics and just what I could bring to the party. So then this woman took it upon my friends word that I'm badass and introduce me to the founder. Now that was great. I've now got an email address. I have somebody who's setting this up. That was a big part. But what really sealed the deal, and this is something that Lisa and I had gone through, and you're sending these emails out to people and they're getting a crap ton of them day in day out, you've got to differentiate yourself one, but you also have to say, look, this isn't just about me trying to get something from you. I want to give something back to you as well if possible, and it's an information exchange first and foremost, and I know I'm a little, but you need to know what that means. And I think the person help in this your transition moving overseas. So more succinctly and more deeply than I've just kind of articulated it. I sent a really bad ass, excuse my French, email to Sean outlined all of this. And he said, “Yeah, you do seem like the best person. Let me introduce you over to the EMEA people, people dealing with Europe, Middle East and Asia.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:50
Very cool.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 29:50
And that's how that transpired. It was really cool. But I don't think he would have given me the time of day if “A”, is the intro, weren't as strong as they were on me, from my friends, but "B" in terms of the written communication from myself. If that had lacked or didn't really show my enthusiasm, then I'm getting one of many, as much as I'd like to think I'm amazing, which I am.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:15
I agree.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 30:15
On paper that can fade and fizzle fast if you're not scintillating, or you don't kind of let them know that you're really willing to be the brand, or you're really into their brand.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:27
Especially recently, a lot of research on how these types of connections are made and why they're so effective at and first of all, it's so interesting that most, not all, but most, might someplace in the range of 70 to 80% of these types of opportunities, these types of it's my dream job type opportunities are found based on interactions through weak ties.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 30:53
Yes.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:54
Yeah. Meaning that it is not necessarily somebody you know, in your immediate network, because if it's somebody you interact with all the time, or somebody who you regularly see or regularly talk to or whatever else, then you're probably already aware of any people or opportunities that they know immediately. However, it's usually in the less strong ties and less strong relationships where you begin to find those type of things that aren't known to you when you're seeking it out. In this case, it was a former co-worker who…

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 31:25
Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:26
Yeah, and.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 31:26
Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:28
People underestimate. I have, I did for many years underestimated the weight that is carried behind a strong recommendation and some of the psychological reasons that trust and credibility are already there when you have that initial weight behind it for somebody that you know and like already, and it just, it adds like 150 pound weight to whatever force you're already carrying. So you're really awesome written communication that you had sent off was, I don't know, it's like a parachute or something along those lines or sailboat or something like that. And all of a sudden, you get this huge gust of wind behind it in New Year's cruise and is struggling for an analogy, but we'll work on that.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 32:06
No, 100% agree. And again, it was just articulating, it's like, look, I am looking for a job in this company, or with this type of company or with this particular company in general. Do you know anybody or just keep me in mind? And again, that was my mantra.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:21
Yeah. This is so amazing for so many different reasons. I'm really curious, because we've got so many people that listen to the show that are in the place that you were not that long ago, where...

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 32:35
I was that person listening to the show.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:37
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 32:39
In the same position. Absolutely.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:41
Yeah, you're been in the cycle. You're there and you're frustrated, and you're not entirely sure what to do differently. But what advice would you give that person who's in that place?

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 32:53
Don't let the hard days or the days where you don't think you're moving forward or that nothing's happening, stop you or slow you down. I think that for me was the really, really, really tough part when I didn't see the end of the rainbow. You know, there the end in sight. I couldn't necessarily get that particular connection that I wanted, or I already gotten some sort of negative feedback or no feedback. Don't let that stop you. If anything should double down in your efforts. And I know it's harder to do than say, but you know what? Caffeine and chocolate will get you through it. Just do it. You've got to do it. Because I worked so hard that when this happened, it felt so friggin sweet, that much sweeter and I would have been happy no matter what. But knowing that I made this happen. It wasn't somebody coming to me. It wasn't me trying to throw my resume into a random lotto of 100 million other people for the same job. This was me networking. This was me, keeping my ships. This is me, top of me just kind of sticking with it when even when I wasn't getting a response on an email or a phone call, I was just calling back and making sure that they knew who I was. So stay strong, kick ass. And just remember that you are who you are, and you bring a lot to the table.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:15
Absolutely love it. You did such a great job. And I so appreciate you taking the time and coming on and being able to share your story so that everybody else can benefit from it too. And firsthand, congratulations. I hadn't even told you that yet. But… over your email. Yeah, very, very cool.

Tanya Malcolm-Revell 34:34
Oh, gosh, I'm staring up at the sky and I'm still kind of flabbergasted. So thank you. Thank you guys. This was an amazing journey. You know, you held my hand along the way, and you've got me to the other side. And for that I will be eternally grateful.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:50
Well, I appreciate you letting us take along for the ride. Tanya, thank you again.

Scott Anthony Barlow 35:07
If you're ready to get yourself out of your comfort zone and dial in your career to align your wants, your needs, your values and everything else, I'd love for you to check out our career change bootcamp program to help guide you through, not just guide you through, but guide you through the process of manifesting your dream career. And that's exactly what it did for Tanya. That's exactly what it's done. For many others, you've heard a bunch of them on the podcast, but we'd love the opportunity to help you it only opens up a few times a year. And we would love to have you yet. By the way, thank you so much. Thank you so much for those people that have already expressed interest and joined and for the opportunity to be able to help you through and make this career change the way you actually want to be doing. So thank you so much for the people that have already joined. But you can do that just by going over to happentoyourcareer.com click on career change bootcamp, and you'll get all of the info as well as when times are actually open for enrollment during the year. And plenty plenty more. And also, thank you so much for those people that have gone over to iTunes, gone over to Stitcher Radio and left us reviews. I've got another, yet another five star review from Boss12188, "So helpful. Thank you! You've been so helpful because leaving a five star review helps everyone else find the episodes, find the podcast, and then ultimately we get to get more people to work that they love. But also thanks for the rest of it too, because.... thanks so very much, really appreciate that. And we've got more coming for you , coming up next week on Happen To Your Career, take a listen.

36:59
Totally burned out from working a typical nine to five job, just sitting at the desk, drudgery, not only on a mental level, but also like an emotional just wearing me out. And so that's my buddy came along, introduced this book four hour workweek, ended up quitting that job almost immediately because I was just like so pumped up. Concepts, right?

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:18
I'm out of here.

Speaker 3 37:19
Yeah, I'm out of here. Totally blows my mind, right. So I'm like, okay, online marketing business. That's what I've got to do. So for maybe like three years, which is focused on trying to create this online business, kept failing, kept changing approaches, kept pivoting, never truly committing to one thing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:38
All right, all that and plenty more. We will see you next week. Same time, same place, same channel, hit subscribe so that you don't have to do anything at all and you just get them in your sleep. Whatever podcast player you have, and whatever podcast player you use, just hit the subscribe button and then you don't have to do anything else. Super cool. Alright, see you then. Until then, I am out. Adios.

Ready for Career Happiness?

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Successfully Pivot Your Career with Jenny Blake

Making a successful career pivot is about creating connections based on what you already know about yourself, where you are in your life, and where you want to be in your career.

Sound like a process?

It is.

But, it doesn’t have to be a complicated one!

Many people find a sticky point before they are even able to start to take action on their new career journey.

So many of us hold ourselves back from the next steps to our career change because of our fears of failure, lack of confidence, and just waiting to have all the time in the world for things to change. 

But, things don’t just change.

And, they won’t change on their own.

Don’t let you own self-sabotaging ways get in the way of making those career moves.

Jenny Blake, a career and business strategist, international speaker, and the author of the books, PIVOT: The Only Move That Matters is Your Next One and Life After College, shares strategies for those moving through their career change process and even those that are just beginning to evaluate where they are in their particular situation.

When you find yourself stuck, take a deep breath and follow the process below to regain your career pivot perspective.

#1: FOCUS ON YOURSELF

The process of your career change is intense and can take you into a place of deep overwhelm, where you may even be so focused you begin down one path and develop tunnel-vision until you get to a result (even if it’s not truly the results you’ve mapped out for yourself).

You may become so invested in making the change that you lose sight of your overall career and life goals.

So, take a moment or two…or three… to step back regain your perspective on what matters to you. What you value and what you really want out of your next career.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Who am I? What do I like to do? What don’t I like to do?
  • What does success look like for you?
  • How much you want to be making?
  • What time do I want to wake up every day?
  • What types of people do I want to surround myself with?

Be as detailed as you can be when you create this Ideal Day Map.

The more detailed you can get with your ideal day, the better you can focus your energy to actualizing this vision.

#2: SCAN FOR PEOPLE, SKILLS, & PROJECTS

Once you map out the vision of your ideal day, begin the scanning process.

People

Think of who you can connect with that is either in the same place as you – looking to make a change, someone that is already in the industry or organization that you would like to work, or someone that knows someone that can offer you advice, help, or provide you with an ‘in’ into the next stepping stone of your career.

You can also look into starting a ‘friendtor’ relationship with one of your like-minded friends for accountability and support during your career transition. ‘Friendtors’ have the capacity to be so valuable to your career journey. It’s another place where people put pressure to find a mentor, but staying accountable with your friends can go a long way.

Skills

Do you know how you want to grow?

If you are at a pivot point in your career, you have room to grow which is more than exciting.

If there is one thing about the majority of successful career changers, they have a huge capacity to learn. They enjoy growing by conquering their challenges.

So, ask yourself, where do you want to grow? What skills do you want to improve on?

Projects

After you scan your skills, think about and look for tiny micro-experiments to dip your toe into a potential career.

This could be anything from volunteering your knowledge and skills to test out a type of job or getting an internship to get a feel for what it would be like to work for a particular organization.

#3: MAKE YOURSELF DISCOVERABLE

Network. Network. Network.

The goal is to let people know that you’re looking for a new career and what type of job and industry you’re looking to work in. So, be intentional and put yourself out there.

Whether you send emails out to your friends, family, and colleagues, or start your own website to promote yourself, you need to take the initiative to demonstrate your skills in a public way.

If you don’t know what to say, we’ve provided sample emails below for you to use as a template to get your networking emails started.

Here is a sample of an email you can send if you are looking to switch up your career:

If you own your own business and are looking to expand outside of what you know, send an email similar to this one:

Follow this 3-step framework and stop holding yourself back from your next career opportunity.

Be more intentional with your career pivot and push past your sticky points to successfully move forward with your career transition.

Career change is difficult stuff. That is why we’ve created the Career Change Bootcamp program that was created to guide you to build a strong foundation that will go even more in depth to help you determine what it is you want out of your next career.

Read more about it here or visit our Career Coaching resource for a more personalized one-on-one career advisor.

Jenny Blake 00:01
Anytime you find yourself saying, "Well, only if then, or only when this happens then I can do XYZ." That I always, always stop and question it. It may end up to be true somehow, but most of the time, there are ways around it or there are ways to start a smaller version of that from right where you are.

Introduction 00:27
This is Happen To Your Career. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and then make it happen. Whether you're looking to do your own thing or find your dream job, you've come to the right place. I'm Scott Barlow.

Mike Bigelow 00:48
I'm an engineer who was living in Portland, Oregon, and was moving up to Seattle, Washington to support my wife's career change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Michael, he's made career changes before but this one was different.

Mike Bigelow 00:58
A lot of the folks I talked to using sort of my normal channels were often saying, "Hey, we'd love to have somebody like you on the team. Unfortunately, we just let three or four people just like you go because there's not enough work to go around anymore."

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:11
Listen for Michael's story later in the episode to learn how he use coaching to help him figure out what fits him and make the change to work he loves.

Mike Bigelow 01:18
You have somebody in your corner, who's looking out for your best interest. They're pushing you to be best version of yourself and to stretch and grow yourself consistently towards that best self.

Scott Anthony Barlow 01:31
This is Scott Anthony Barlow, and you're listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. We get to bring on experts like Andy Molinsky, who helps people stretch outside their comfort zones, or people that have pretty amazing stories like Jessica Rhodes who started her own virtual assistant business, and stay at home with their son. These are people that are just like you, they've gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. And they're also people that are just like our next guest, Jenny Blake.

Jenny Blake 02:00
I primarily say I'm an author, that I wrote a book called 'Pivot' and I do coaching, speaking and consulting related to that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 02:09
You might have... Jenny's conversation, you get to learn how to actually stop holding yourself back by waiting to have all the time in the world for things to happen to you. And even in particular, how to use constraints that a day job puts on your career change as a positive rather than a negative and make it easier rather than harder to make the change. And how and why creating an ideal day map for yourself will help you pivot to reach that success, and that's pretty cool. Take a listen for that about three quarters of the way through the episode. And even the importance of the scanning process for your career change, they didn't even know the scanning process actually is and how it can help. So all that, plenty more.

Jenny Blake 02:52
So I realized that what I really love are big ideas, and simplifying complex topics like change, like how to answer the question what's next. And from those big ideas, come everything else that I love to do and that I do to earn a living. And one of my favorites is keynote speaking actually. So...

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:11
Really?

Jenny Blake 03:11
I love keynote speaking more than I enjoy the process of writing a book. But I like of course, having written a book and then have the platform.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:20
That's so funny. I've talked to so many authors. And, I don't know, I've probably... we've got a lot of books that we've shared with our audience, but haven't necessarily gone through the publishing route. And we plan on doing that over the next... about a year and a half, 18 months. So I've been asking authors, and I keep getting that same response as, like, "Well, I love having written a book." And that apparently seems to be the common theme with a lot of people.

Jenny Blake 03:46
Yeah, although I've been writing my whole life, I don't identify as a writer. It's never come easily to me to just sit down. For example, even marketing Pivot. I loved doing podcasts. It was so fun to jump on a podcast and either for my Pivot podcast or to be a guest on other shows like yours. But when it came to writing, even if it was writing an article for Fast Company or some really prestigious site, I would procrastinate. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like I was completely spent from working on the book. Whereas my friend Dorie Clark, for example, she could turn out 2-3 articles a week, no problem.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:20
Yes. I'm more on your side of the fence then on Dorie's, as it turns out. I have some friends as well that's like, "Yeah, that's my thing. It's no big deal. I can do that with my eyes closed." I'm super curious, though. Because you haven't always been doing this. You haven't always been keynote speaking. You haven't always been marketing new programs and things along those lines and helping people in a variety of different ways. So where did this all start for you? Let's go way back.

Jenny Blake 04:46
Interestingly enough, when you say I haven't always, even when I was a kid, I would make my brother play school. So whatever I was learning in school, I would make worksheets for him.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:55
Oh, really?

Jenny Blake 04:55
Instead of playing house or any imaginary games, we would play school or we would play business. And he's two and a half years younger. So even in those early days, I really loved learning, kind of, getting to understand something and then teaching it. And in the business, I always loved creating things. And even I started a family newspaper when I was 10, which I carried out all through high school, all the way up until I graduated high school it's called the monthly dig up. And even there, I loved seeing what's out there, curating information and stories and technology trends. And I charged money, I think subscriptions were $5 just to cover printing and postage. But that was, kind of, my early form of blogging, if before blogging was a thing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:39
So, wait a minute, that people outside the family were reading this too? For the family newspaper...

Jenny Blake 05:43
I would say, extended family and friends. So cousins, uncles, godparents, and then parents friends. It was about 50 people by the time the subscriber reached, by the time it was done. 50 household. Yeah, it was really fun.

Scott Anthony Barlow 05:57
Oh, so then what happened from there post-family newspaper and post high school? Where did that end up leading you to as you got out of high school and began moving on?

Jenny Blake 06:08
I thought that I was going to be a journalist. And so in high school, I was the California journalist of the year, top four finalists in the country. And my first pivot in life was getting rejected from every journalism program that I applied to out of high school. So of course, know that it was a pivot at the time, but I just felt, like, what on earth? This is the thing I had been planning to do. I was the editor in chief of my high school paper. What do you mean I just got rejected from Columbia,Tufts, Northwestern? I mean, every program, so, I ended up getting into UCLA, which I was very excited about, even though I plan to go to school on the east coast. And I wrote for the daily ruin for a year and then just realized, "You know what? Maybe I can broaden my horizons beyond journalism." And deadlines were stressful, I noticed that everyone in the editorial staff had completely failing grades, they were exhausted, they were burnt out. It just didn't seem that nourishing for me. And so that was the first thing that I really had to say 'no' to. And although it was so closely tied to my identity at the time, and then go from there, and so that's when I started studying political science. And that got me my first job at a startup with one of my professors when I was still at UCLA. And it, kind of, everything happened from there. And then of course, blogging and writing the books brings back the journalism skills just in a different way.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:26
Yes. Notice some recurring themes and patterns here, just from what I know about your story, too. So you went to the startup, why did you and got you that job? But there's probably other things you could have done to. Why did you end up taking that versus anything else?

Jenny Blake 07:40
That opportunity came at the start of my junior year. So I wasn't even looking for full time jobs yet. I had been interning at Rock the Vote for a little while, which I enjoyed tremendously. But it's not like I was exploring all my options and what should I do for a career. This just kind of fell out of the sky, and it happened... the company happened to be in my hometown at Palo Alto. So I just decided, well, now whatever, like, I'm gonna take a leave of absence from school, why not go be the first employee there and it's in my hometown, I can stay at my mom's house, like, get things figured out. I did that, I moved home and my friends were kind of like, "What are you thinking? You know, you have 60 years to work. Why would you cut your college experience short?" But I learned so much at that startup. And I later went back to finish and graduate with my class because I was ahead in school anyway. But the startup was so fun. I mean, as employee number one, and watching and helping it grow to 30 people, I got to work like five hats, marketing director, webmaster, office manager. And that then set the foundation for why I started "Life After College", the website, and later the book, because I wanted to help other 20 somethings who felt as lost as I was because I was entering the working world, before any of my friends and I didn't know what it was all about, what to wear, how to save money, how to pick a health care plan. Like there's so much that confused me at that time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:02
All of the decisions that go along with, well, yeah, aptly named "Life After College", as it turns out.

Jenny Blake 09:10
Exactly, right. My first tagline was, "no one said it was easy". That was my first tagline. And then later, I realized, maybe that's a little pessimistic. And I changed it to, like, what was it... something like, "Wake up, live big, love the journey." That's what it then became.

Scott Anthony Barlow 09:24
That's what I was gonna ask, what are the ones that didn't work out prior to"Life After College"? That's perfect. Where does Google fit into this?

Jenny Blake 09:31
After two years at the startup, felt like I was hitting a plateau there. And I was too young to really know how to talk about that with the founder. So my first and last career conversation was me giving two weeks notice, which I regret. I mean, to this day, my work is dedicated to helping people have career conversations. And I had been managing our Google AdWords accounts at the startup and I pivoted to become an AdWords product trainer at Google. And so I trained over 1000 people in my first year there and that really, was, had my long term goal in mind of being an author and a speaker someday. And even though I used to get turned bright red when I would have to speak in front of a group, I knew that if I took this job at Google, it would set me up for what I wanted to do later on, and it definitely has.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:14
How did you identify at that point that that was what you wanted to do later on? What took place for you to be able to saw that?

Jenny Blake 10:22
It's a great question. There was never... just wasn't a question. It was more about, when could I be an author? I thought maybe in my 50s, or something. Like, what is a 20 something have to say about anything? But then the "Life After College" idea felt within my grasp what I could do, and I was assembling tips, quotes and questions. So it wasn't just for me, it was kind of what's all the wisdom that's out there. And I'll break it down for people. So even then I saw myself as a curator, not, like, the end all be all expert at the ripe old age of 25. Even as a kid just loved creating things, I don't know who I first saw to get the idea of being a keynote speaker, it wasn't Tony Robbins, although I was reading a lot of personal developments. I think even Dan Pink was one of the first that I saw and just seeing authors come to Google, and I don't know something about it. But it was before I went to Google that I had that urge. So I can't say, I just know that I've always been very clear. And especially since I left Google six years ago, I just haven't looked back, I had a hunch at that time, that doing this full time would be what I wanted. And it's just... there hasn't been one second of one day that I regretted leaving, even though I loved my time there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:28
That's so interesting in a variety of different ways. First of all, what I heard out of that, or what I took out of that was, hey, you've clearly identified some pieces even very early on for what you wanted to do, then it was more a case of how it's going to become a real possibility. And it sounds like, I'm gonna call it stair steps, like, stair step type of events happen, like, one thing led to "Life After College", and then all of a sudden, you know, everything else appeared that much closer as you were going through some of the work there. And then all of a sudden, you know, I'm making the assumption you're not 50 now.

Jenny Blake 12:02
True. I'm 33. At the time of this recording.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:06
Yeah. But, you know, at one point in time, you thought maybe some of this will happen at 50. And clearly it didn't.

Jenny Blake 12:13
Exactly. It's I think, sometimes we're waiting for permission for someone to say, "Okay, you're qualified now." And I certainly was, too. Even when I set up the Life After College website, I set it up in 2005. And I started blogging in 2007. And I remember the fear of just, "Oh, gosh. Who am I to put my ideas out there? Who am I to raise my hand and say, 'I have something to say.'?" And the same with the book. But then you realize, who are we waiting for? And why? And to think that, yeah, of course, sometimes getting an advanced degree or more education or more experience is a good thing, 100%. Things like going to coach training school, I firmly believe in it. And at the same time, how can you start right where you are? How can you start without any permission at all? Or silence those voices that say, "you're not good enough, you're not ready, you're too young, you're too old, you're too dumb, you're too smart." I'm sure we all have them. And a key is to hear them, know that they're going to come up anytime you're doing something really important or significant and keep going.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:11
So let's talk about that for a minute, then, as far as how people can actually do that, because one of the questions that we get emailed constantly, it has to do with this. And it's that, well, I think that I want to do this thing that, you know, whatever it might be, I think that I want to write. I think that I want to move into environmental. I think that I want to, or I know that I want to, but I don't consider it a real possibility for me for one reason or another. And essentially, what I have taken from, I don't know, probably, like a thousands to those type of emails, is that we are essentially waiting for permission or don't quite see how we can have permission or how it could be possible.

Jenny Blake 13:55
Yeah, that we live in a nonlinear universe. That anything can happen at any time. And if anytime you find yourself saying, "Well, only if then, or only when this happens, then I can do XYZ. That I always stop and question it." It may end up to be true somehow, but most of the time, there are ways around it, or there are ways to start a smaller version of that, from right where you are. So anytime we're putting a limitation, but I just don't think that's possible. I mean, I'm dating and living with a painter. He's a full time artist and a painter, most people would say, you can't earn a living that way. And that's true. There are a lot of starving artists or starving painters out there. But it's something we often talk about, but, like, why does that have to be you? If you put some intention behind it and some strategy and, of course, everyone I believe has a different soul blueprint and kind of path in this world. So it's not to say that, just because you want it, you're guaranteed to be Jeff Koons and make a zillion dollars either. But, why listen? Just because society or some concept that we have that's outdated, says, "Oh, you can't do that, or you can't earn a living doing that."

Mike Bigelow 15:06
I'm an engineer who was living in Portland, Oregon, and was moving up to Seattle, Washington to support my wife's career change.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:13
Remember Michael? We already told you that he'd made some career changes before. But this one in particular, it was different.

Mike Bigelow 15:20
A lot of the folks I talked to using sort of my normal channels were often saying, "Hey, we'd love to have somebody like you on the team. Unfortunately, we just let three or four people just like you go because there's not enough work to go around anymore."

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:33
Michael realize that this was not an opportunity for a change the location.

Mike Bigelow 15:37
This could be not just a lateral move from one city to another, but it could have the opportunity be of promotion, as well. Leading projects to potentially leading teams of technical people. And that is sort of been where I want it to be for a long time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 15:50
As we work with him, he began to explore a much bigger picture.

Mike Bigelow 15:54
It wasn't just about finding a job. It was about finding my place in a community and being able to show folks that I wasn't there just to find something. I was interested in our conversation beyond the "Mike needs a place to land in Seattle."

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:09
He put in the work to really connect with people and made it happen.

Mike Bigelow 16:13
As we're speaking now I sitting in my new apartment, having unpacked most of it in a gap week between when I left my old job, when I'm starting my new job.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:22
Congratulations to Michael and finding work he loves that fits his family's needs. If you also want to figure out what work fits you and find that fulfilling career that lights you up and gives you purpose, find out how coaching can help you step by step, go to happentoyourcareer.com and click on Coaching to apply or pause right now and text MYCOACH to 44222. Again, just pause right now, we'll send over the application. Text MYCOACH to 44222.

Mike Bigelow 16:49
And what was wonderful about working with the Happen To Your Career team was that I was able to learn so much about how to go from good to great in that career transition.

Scott Anthony Barlow 17:03
I almost feel like when you get to that situation that you've described, where you're saying, "If I only had or if I only had the time. Or if I only, you know, had the four year degree" or whatever else it might be, first of all, having that be a trigger point for you to stop and say, "Yeah, there's probably another way to do this. Absolutely love that concept." But then from there, if that's something that you want, I almost feel like it's an obligation to yourself to explore that in one way, shape, or form or another. Otherwise, I don't know, that borderlines into knowing that you're going to set yourself up for regrets later. And for myself, I can't fathom going down a road where you know that you're going to set yourself up for regrets.

Jenny Blake 17:47
Afraid. In my book, I talk about how... we don't have FOMO, we have FONT (Fear Of Not Trying). So the bigger regret would be that if we weren't to try. That selling ourselves short before we ever even have a chance. I don't know about you, Scott, but for anyone listening, I would rather try and fail and know that I tried and keep going. And of course failure stings. It's not fun, especially if money is associated, you lose money doing something. But, so what? At least you know you try to, at least you can live with yourself. Whereas what you said not taking any steps toward that thing you feel called the "Do" can become soul crushing.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:21
Soul crushing, I think is the right word for that.

Jenny Blake 18:24
Totally.

Scott Anthony Barlow 18:25
Absolutely. So let's talk about what people can actually do about that then. In your book, you describe some actual strategies to be able to move through this, I'm going to call it a process. But also, you know, for people that are starting in that place where they already have an inclination or a clue or something to be able to hold on to and are evaluating it from... if I only have this, then I could do that type situation. And they've got those triggers, like what do they do that? How can they go from that space to being able to get to a place where they can begin to make it happen?

Jenny Blake 18:58
Yeah, well, this is where I really got stuck. I had left Google, I was a year and a half into running my own business. And I just did not want to be, I'd become known on podcasts and interviews as the girl who left Google and the girl who left college. So everything I was talking about was just leaving. That wasn't that inspiring to me. And I wondered, like, "Who am I? What do I stand for? What's next? How can I help people? How can I create an impact? What can I build meaningful body of work around?" And I really struggled. And the thing that kept me struggling to the point where my bank account balance dwindled down to zero, was focusing so much on what I didn't know, what I didn't have, and what I didn't want. And it wasn't until I had to solve this question, or go get another job or leave New York, neither which I wanted to do, that I realized, and this analogy of a basketball player came to me that when a basketball player stops dribbling, they plant one foot that's their source of strength, stability, their foundation, and then they can scan for passing options with their pivot foot. So for somebody who is currently scanning, and just getting discouraged by what they can't do, what's not going to work, I encourage you to go back to that plant foot and say, "What is already working? What am I already great at? In what small tiny way am I already doing this?" And what does success look like? If I were to attempt this new thing, where would I want to end up in a year?" And that can be really inspiring and motivating to push through some of the fear that you described, Scott. And then from that place, look for related, so don't stretch too far, as much as I used to adopt the motto, like, take great leaps, you know, now I'm actually more pragmatic, like, especially when I'm the one footing the bill for all this searching. It's more connecting to... based on what you already know and right where you already are, what are some small experiments that you can run? Tiny ones. Take the pressure off to have the answer. Maybe if someone wants to write a book, you're writing for 15 minutes a day, that's it, or 15 minutes a week, there's no reason to wait until you have all the time in the world, and all the financial resources. I think a lot of people even think to themselves, well, if only I didn't have this stupid day job, then I could do a trillion things. But actually, the constraints that a job puts while footing the bill, while incubating these side projects and ideas is quite valuable. And those creative constraints on time are helpful, because I'll tell, you the times where I've gone to a week long romantic sounding retreat in the woods to write, I don't even click open the computer. I'm just, like, paralyzed by the abundance of time. So I realized to stop holding myself back waiting to have all the time in the world for things.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:38
That's so interesting. First of all, did you play basketball?

Jenny Blake 21:40
I did, but only in seventh grade. I then moved on to softball and volleyball.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:44
Okay, that still counts. Second of all, I love that analogy. Because I believe it helps break it down quite a bit, obviously, it helps break it down. Right? Thanks, Scott state the obvious. But what I particularly like about it is that so many of us do get stuck in what you call, the scanning phase. And a lot of people that are listening to this show right now, that are HTYCers out there, that's where a lot of you are. And what I would love to do in this case is push you a little bit Jenny on a couple of these areas in terms of for somebody who is in that scanning phase, what are two or three strategies that they could use right now to be able to move into the next phase, and be able to get them out of the dang scanning.

Jenny Blake 22:28
Totally. Again, just to be in scanning doesn't mean you spent enough time looking at what's already working and what success looks like a year from now. So counter intuitively, the number one thing you can do if you're stuck in analysis-paralysis or comparing to spare of scanning is refocus on yourself: Who you are? What does success look like a year from now? Really paint that picture. And I have on my website an Ideal Day Mad Lib, that I think is a really fun way to just dig into this, just be so detailed with what time you wake up, who you're surrounded by, what type of work you're doing, how much you're earning, what kind of impact you want to make, what are you learning and growing, how are you growing? And then scanning is about people skills and projects. So people, who is already doing what you want to do? Who can you connect with? Who are some friends that you could set up friendtor relationships with for accountability?

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:20
A friendtor, is that what you said?

Jenny Blake 23:21
Exactly. Yeah.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:23
I haven't heard that. I love that.

Jenny Blake 23:24
And because friendtors have been so valuable to me. There's another place where people put pressure to find a mentor. But when, really, just accountability with your friends can go such a long way. And skills, how do you want to grow? Inevitably, if you're at a pivot point, it's likely that you have room to grow. And that's what's exciting. That's what we all live for at the end of the day is learning and growing and feeling challenged. And then projects and also making yourself discoverable. So if you're scanning and you're super clear, at least generally, where you want to end up, it may be the case that just nobody knows that you're looking. So I have on my website too, like, a Network Email Mad Lib where you fill in the blanks, regardless of my steps, it's just about... the reason I created that was I had so many clients where they would get to a point in their searching, it became time to email their network and say, "Hey, friends and family. I met a pivot point. Here's a little bit of what I'm up to. This is what I'm looking to do. These are my strengths. This is the type of organization I'm looking for." Or if you're working for yourself, "These are the types of clients I'm looking for. Here's what I do, here's what we can do together." And that helps make yourself discoverable. Think about Bluetooth devices. It's so important. You've got to be discoverable so people know that you're looking and what you're looking for. And even things like blogging or what I call public original thinking, you don't have to have a blog, but can you post content? Can you demonstrate expertise somewhere in a public way so that people come to you and line up for you rather than the other way around?

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:52
That is awesome for a variety of different ways.

Jenny Blake 24:56
I'm hearing that. Thank you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 24:57
Flipped out for a second. Josh, you can cut that out and post production. The Perfect Day exercise, what are a few things on your perfect day? Super curious.

Jenny Blake 25:07
Yeah, I call it Ideal Day, just I'm, like, super weird with the word perfect. Because in a way, every day is perfect, right? Because we're breathing and...

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:15
Exactly.

Jenny Blake 25:16
Yeah, so ideal... I like even the concept of Ideal Average Day. Because ideal day might be, like, I'm vacationing in Tahiti with a piña colada in my hand. So Ideal Average Day, for me, includes... as I had today, I feel fortunate to have had wake up, sleeping, no alarm, roll out of bed, meditate 20 minutes, have tea and read and I give myself permission to read for as long as pretty much as I want, I'll maybe started answering email about an hour before my calls start. But I love feeding my brain something interesting in the morning and like getting inspired by ideas. And even this morning, I was reading a book about how to look at art. It's not like it has to do with careers or business, always necessarily. And then some amount of strategic work and projects, building something, I love building things and then connecting with friends later in the day is nice and also exercise. If I could fit all of that in and eat healthily, that's a win.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:14
Very cool. Actually I have a copy of my perfect day on a bulletin board like right behind the screen that I'm looking at right now.

Jenny Blake 26:19
That's so cool. What's on yours?

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:21
A couple of different things. One is I've had this fascination with getting to the point where I am working out four hours a day. So I'm not there yet.

Jenny Blake 26:31
Fascinating.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:32
Yeah.

Jenny Blake 26:33
What would you do in that workout?

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:34
It wouldn't be one workout. So recently, I've started a couple of different things. So I do parkour and strength training. And now I've layered in stand up paddleboarding every single morning.

Jenny Blake 26:45
Love it. That's so awesome. How relaxing and challenging.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:49
Yeah. So, like, this morning, I woke up at 4:45, and at 5am went stand up paddleboarding, watch the sunrise on the lake, which we live on 300 feet away from the lake. So it's easy to just go down through the board. But yeah, so a few things like that. And then some other pieces in terms of how I spend my day. And interestingly enough, your piece on fascination with big ideas, that's something that we have in common. So that is how I enjoy spending a portion of my day, at least every day, in one way or another.

Jenny Blake 27:20
That's so cool. Yeah. I realized the output is less important to me that part of the reason I was hitting my last pivot year/crisis, total complete breakdown, was I had a book, I had a blog, I had courses, but there was no big idea that I really, really believed in. And that's actually how I realized how important it was that I just became super clear that vague, original as original as possible. Ideas are vital, like my oxygen for my career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 27:50
Oh my goodness, it's so interesting, because I swung both sides. So when you were working at Google and building this on the side, I was doing the same type of thing. And every single day, I was reading and listening to podcasts and doing all of these other things to have those inputs. And then I swung the opposite way when I took my business full time. And it was a case of, wow, I don't feel like I have time to read a book. And, you know, I went for months without reading a book. And then I cut out podcast because I didn't have a commute anymore. I was working from the front portion of our house. And I realized that I was missing that. And it was stunting a few different things, it's stunting some of our business growth, but it's also stunting me in terms of what I wanted, and I was missing some of those pieces that I really loved about being exposed to big ideas and ultimately creating and acting on big ideas too. So...

Jenny Blake 28:41
Totally.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:42
Oh my goodness been on both sides.

Jenny Blake 28:44
Yeah. And it's interesting how just because we quit a job doesn't mean you can't become your own worst boss. So it's interseting how, no matter what your work structure is, it's so easy to say, "Oh, I don't have time." I do this too. "I don't have time to exercise or meditate or read books." Like there's no time for that. When really those are the things that are so energizing, and re-charging...

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:04
And rewiring everything else. Yeah.

Jenny Blake 29:06
I feel everything. Yeah, I'm with you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 29:08
Oh, my goodness. I feel like we could talk for hours about this. But I am super curious about a couple other things, too, that you mentioned. First of all, did you come up with the friendtor?

Jenny Blake 29:19
No, I came up with it. And then as with many things in my book, I would Google certain concepts that I thought. like, yes, I just came up with this great idea. And then of course, it's like someone has used this term before. But I pretty much feel that at least it was a simultaneous innovation type situation. Because I will tell you, it's really crazy to write a book with access to so much information because every time I thought I was coming up with something unique or original that truly came from my brain, but then if I would Google or research, that stuff was already out there. So there was just so much that it's, kind of, discouraging. It was different than the first time around where I didn't quite feel, like, wow, every day and articles coming out. It says the exact same thing as my book like, what am I doing here?

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:05
Yeah, I know that feeling, that discouraging/frustrating feeling. It's like, "Oh, this is great. I came up with this." And then 10 minutes later realize that seven other people have heard.

Jenny Blake 30:15
There's so much information. That's why story is so important, personal story, because information... Derek Sivers is the one that said, like, "if information is not the problem, otherwise we would all have six pack abs and a million dollars in the bank." So it's not information alone. And I had to remind myself that too, it's actually sharing struggles and challenges and stories and how your brain uniquely solves problems that move things forward.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:41
Absolutely. So on the friendtor then, what does somebody look for in a friendtor? Give us a few different pieces, how do I know that they're actually going to be a good friendtor for me? I'm gonna say friendtor as many times as I can, because I'm fascinated by them.

Jenny Blake 30:54
I love it. Look for someone who you are both genuinely excited to get together. And when you do get together, you can barely stop talking, that you have a mutual love of resources and brainstorming. And you don't even have to have the same goals. But just be excited about supporting each other, and holding each other accountable. And having weekly calls or bi-weekly or once a month. And just somebody who you resonate with someone who, yes, they're a friend, but what makes them a friendtor is that they also have great ideas, give great advice, connect you to people. So there, you can benefit each other in many ways beyond just someone to kind of kick back and relax, let's say.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:36
I love it. And I didn't have a name for it until this moment. But this is something that's been a huge benefit in my life in business. And now I've got a title for it. Thank you so much for that, Jenny. Appreciate it.

Jenny Blake 31:49
I love it. I'm so glad. I know it's such an untapped resource and it's free, as opposed to signing up for masterminds or coaching. And of course, we both read coaching businesses, like I'm all for it. But why not have a coach and a friendtor or a friend or mastermind group at that.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:05
Oh my goodness, it can be such a compliment to any work that you're doing with a coach or any work that you're doing many other places.

Jenny Blake 32:12
Totally. And then you can share what you're learning from your coaches. So that's kind of fun, too. Like, oh my coach had the best question for me this week or piece of advice, or in one of my mastermind groups, we would come and say, "what have you learned in the last two weeks?" Like, did you attend any conferences or read any books? So it was just such a great shortcut to knowledge.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:29
Absolutely agreed. This is super cool. This has been a fascinating conversation. And I very much appreciate you taking the time and making the time. I know that, I think we've been coordinating this between my travel schedule and your schedule for like five or six months now.

Jenny Blake 32:42
Yes, probably. I know I took a big post lunch. After the book came out, I was, like, and you need a break now. So I thought it would be, like, two weeks off, and it turned into three or four months. But I'm back now. So I'm really glad we can do this too.

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:57
Absolutely. Thank you again for making the time. For people that want... interested in more Jenny Blake, where can they get more Jenny Blake?

Jenny Blake 33:05
The best place is that, pivotmethod.com/toolkit. There's a ton of free templates and resources for everything we talked about today. And then if there are any side hustlers, or solopreneurs. out there, I have a private community called momentum. And I do Q&A calls twice a month. And there's a great Facebook group. And we do workshops every month. So it's a lot of fun, it's a great way to keep in touch in an ongoing way.

Scott Anthony Barlow 33:29
Very cool. I would head on over there and check it out. I've had your stuff shared with me from so many HTYCers out there. So I have it shoved in my face, but started looking at it. And I've just been really impressed with what you've put out into the world. So I would absolutely encourage you to go over, check out anything put out by Jenny. Get the book, the book is Pivot, and where can people pick that up as well?

Jenny Blake 33:53
Anywhere books are sold at Amazon as well. There's a couple Pivot books. So just search for Pivot Jenny Blake.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:01
Hey, thanks so much for listening to the Happen To Your Career podcast. I really, really appreciate it. And I appreciate you. And guess what? We've got plenty more coming up next week, right here on Happen To Your Career. So take a listen to what we've got in store for you next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.

Matt Toy 34:20
You allocate times, all the things that keep the machine going, to keep gas in the tank essentially.

Laura Morrison 34:26
Particularly as someone who has been successful, it's hard to admit to myself, it was hard for me to say I couldn't do it by myself.

Scott Anthony Barlow 34:35
That's right. All that and plenty more next week. It's here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you next week. I am out. Adios.

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Reach Out of Your Comfort Zone with Andy Molinsky

EVEN WITHOUT THE FEAR AND ANXIETY, WOULD THIS BE SOMETHING I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO DO?

Andy Molinsky
COM·FORT ZONE

/ˈkəmfərt zōn/

noun

A place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress.

Sure. Feeling safe and at ease is great and all, but what goals have you ever achieved by staying in your comfort zone??

We’re willing to bet on not many at all.

Nobody ever achieves much by staying in their comfort zone.

WHY?

Well, achieving goals requires you to aim for something just a little bit out of your reach.

Having a goal makes you look forward to something attainable that may not be in your comfort zone (at the moment).

Then the question of how to get out of your comfort zone comes up.

When it comes to career change, more likely than not you’ll be faced with the choice to break out of your comfort zone to progress down a new path that may be full of unknowns.

For instance, in order to continue down your new career path you may need to put yourself out there to learn more about a new industry by attending networking events or making cold calls to connect with new people from an organization that you want to work in and that may be something you’re not comfortable or experienced in.

Or maybe during an interview you’re asked to present a project plan and you hate public speaking, or you have a new role at a company and you’re asked to participate in meetings when you’re more of an observant introvert…it can be anything, it’s a challenge for many of us to get out of our comfort zones.

Before we get to solution, let’s first address the issue of why it is so hard for many of us to reach out of our comfort zones.

WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM BREAKING THROUGH YOUR COMFORT ZONE TO REACH YOUR GOALS?

There are 5 psychological road blocks that stand in our way to break through the barriers of our comfort zones.

When we are able to identify and understand what is holding us back, we can embrace those reasons and begin to open the door to dip our toes into situations that stretch our comfort levels.

AUTHENTICITY

Many people may feel like some situations that require them to step out of their comfort zones make them feel like that isn’t who they truly are and are left feeling like a poser.

LIKABILITY

Oftentimes we may worry that people won’t like this ‘new’ version of ourselves. Maybe you won’t like who you have to become when you step out of your comfort zone.

COMPETENCE

We may doubt our own abilities when we decide to stretch beyond what we know. The doubts then turn to self-sabotaging thoughts of looking like a fool.

RESENTMENT

We can get annoyed and frustrated at the fact that we are even asked to reach beyond our comfort. You may think, “Why can’t I just do good work? Why don’t my qualities/qualifications work? Why do I even need to step out of my comfort zone at all?”

MORALITY

Sometimes we may get the sense that leaving our comfort zone just feels wrong. It begins to feel like you’re going in a direction that bumps up against your own moral compass.

HOW DO YOU WORK THROUGH THESE PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIERS?

If you’re feeling any of these feelings when you are in a situation that requires you to try something new outside of what you’ve always been comfortable with, it is okay.

Acknowledge that leaving the known for something new can be nerve-wrecking for anyone.

Don’t panic. Move on to the next step of breaking down the fear and anxiety that begins to creep in by determining if is this new situation is going to be worth your effort.

HOW TO TELL WHEN YOU NEED TO REACH OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE? WHEN IS IT WORTH IT?

Evaluate your outcome

Ask yourself: Would this be something that I would like to be able to do?

If it is something that you REALLY want to do, then it is valuable and worth it to step outside of your comfort zone.

If it isn’t really your thing even without the worry and anxiety, then that is a fine conclusion. But don’t rule out moving forward completely.

Maybe this new situation just requires you to find someone else to help you work on whatever skill you need to grow.

This will help you stretch out of your comfort zone to add to your life experience, so down the road you’ll be able to achieve more, if that’s where your path leads you.

HOW TO GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

Identify and Embrace Your Conviction (Your sense of purpose/drive)

Why is it worth it to you?

It can be professional – something that you’ve always wanted to do or work on. Or your conviction can be personal – making a difference in the world.

When you take the time to really identify what is driving you to make a decision to step out of your comfort zone, you’ll be able to weigh your options on whether or not this is something that you really want to pursue.

CUSTOMIZATION

You can take any situation that you’re uncomfortable with and put your own style/spin to it to fit you specifically.

For example, if you struggle with sales – selling a product or selling your skills and knowledge during a networking event, do whatever you can to make it feel more authentic to you.

You can change the language of your pitch that feels right for you.

What we have found in our coaching is that many people are stuck in their own self-limitations AKA comfort zones because they can’t quite figure out how to get a solid footing in the direction they want to take their career.

They box themselves in their comfort zones and lose sight of their drive to change their situations.

Our world-class coaches are one of the many resources that can help guide you along your career transition from the beginning to help you identify your career path. Our coaches will be there to provide you with the support you need every step of the way, even when you hit a psychological roadblock.

Head on over to www.happentoyourcareer.com/coaching to work with one of our coaches to help you build on your career foundation to achieve your new career goals!

EPISODE LINKS AND RESOURCES
RELEVANT LINKS

Andy Molinsky.com

Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge and Build Confidence

SOCIAL MEDIA

Facebook: @MolinskyAndy|  Twitter: @andymolinsky  |  Andy on Linkedin

Andy Molinsky 00:00
I wanted to kind of circle back and speak to just regular people and make an impact in the world. But for quite a while, I had to sort of burrow down and do the true sort of full on academic thing. But I now spend a lot more of my time trying to actually use Academic Research almost as R&D for products and the products are articles and books and training programs and things that actually make a difference in people's lives.

Introduction 00:30
This is the Happen To Your Career podcast, with Scott Anthony Barlow. We help you stop doing work that doesn't fit you, figure out what does and make it happen. We help you define the work that's unapologetically you, and then go get it. If you're ready to make a change, keep listening. Here's Scott. Here's Scott. Here's Scott.

Scott Anthony Barlow 00:54
This is Scott Anthony Barlow and you are listening to Happen To Your Career, the show that helps you figure out what work fits you by exploring other stories. We get to bring on experts like Jaime Masters who helps entrepreneurs focus their money and their strengths to create an amazing life. Or people that have pretty amazing stories like Kathryn Minshew, who took her struggled during her job search and created the popular Career Discovery platform, The Muse. Now, these are people that have gone from where they are, to what they really want to be doing. They're people just like you. They're people, in fact, like our next guest, Andy Molinsky. And in my conversation with Andy, get to learn the five psychological roadblocks that keep you in your comfort zone and stunt your experiential growth. This is super, super cool. And then how to distinguish between which of your goals are worth following through the discomfort because there's always discomfort in some capacity, anytime it's associated with things that you want in your life. And then, what are the steps to take to get out of your comfort zone to be able to actually achieve those goals? Because as it turns out, none of the rest of it matters unless you can act upon it. So you know that we like to get you outside your comfort zone here, and turns out, well, Andy Molinsky is a great source of how to do that. He wrote a book, and I loved his new book, actually, it's called "Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge , and Build Confidence". He's a professor, he's a consultant, a speaker, and certainly author, as well. He received his PhD in organizational behavior, and his MA in psychology from Harvard. And his work has been published all over the place, academic journals, featured in media outlets such as Harvard Business Review, Forbes, The Economist, Fast Company, Financial Times, and plenty more. Now currently, here's what Andy does.

Andy Molinsky 02:58
This point in my career, I'm a professor, I teach for parts of the year students, undergraduates and graduate students, MBA students. I increasingly, over the past five to seven years, have started to do a lot of consulting and executive education and keynote speaking. I also do a lot of writing, a lot of non academic writing. I do some academic writing, but I do a lot now of non academic writing. In other words, writing for general audiences. I write for Inc.com, Psychology Today, Harvard Business Review, LinkedIn, and then I, you know, I've written a couple of books. I picked my kid at school a lot. So I suppose I have a part time bus driving job. That was a joke.

Scott Anthony Barlow 03:43
I'm right there with you. I didn't have that on my resume, but I'm going to add it. That's one of the things I absolutely love is to be able to do that exact thing. Part time bus driver, done.

Andy Molinsky 03:54
I coach my son's soccer team, I guess, lots of things, you know, I do a lot of mentoring, coaching, and so on and so forth. So it's kind of a grab bag of things. But that's evolved over time.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:04
So I'm curious then, especially since it's evolved so much over time, where did this start for you? Because you didn't pop out of the womb as a professor, like, how did this transfer for you? How did you initially become interested in what you do? How did you lead down the path? There's like 17 questions all in one, boom, go.

Andy Molinsky 04:21
So I guess they're probably two different phases, like, the first phase is how do I become interested in organizational behavior and psychology, that would be phase number one. And then phase number two, I guess is, you know, how's my career developed since then? So the first one, I'm majoring in International Relations in college, which at the time when I went to college, that was sort of like the thing that you major in when you don't know what you want to major in. Essentially.

Scott Anthony Barlow 04:44
I know that major.

Andy Molinsky 04:46
So I basically majored in that. I knew I was into International things. I always like languages. And I just thought it was cool, frankly, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I went abroad, my junior year to Spain, and that was way outside my comfort zone to do. I was terrified, I have to say. This was pre internet. I had never been anywhere. I'd never been out of the country. I've never seen really pictures of out of the country. In those days, it was a much bigger deal, I think. And it was scary experience to do. But once I got over the threshold, it was a pretty amazing experience, I have to say. It was eye opening to me, just like there was this other world over there. And, you know, they were getting along fine. And they spoke this different language and they did all this cool stuff. I could try to learn the language. It was just so fascinating to me. I became very interested in, sort of, cross cultural communication. I then came back to college and after college, I went to graduate school right away, actually, I did a Master's program in International Business. It was a two year Master's program. And one year in, I realized to myself two things: First of all, I wanted to do more international stuff. And second of all, I didn't know anything about business. So I figured, "maybe I could try to do something about that." So I took leave of absence between the two years that master's program, and I went to France, and I worked for a French consulting company, and I learned French. And I had another sort of foreign experience. It was fantastic. I loved it. It was there that I became so interested in Psychology and Organizational Behavior, and also cross cultural communication. I kept a little diary at work, like my actual job was, like, super boring. I think it was customer satisfaction surveys for industrial companies in Europe.

Scott Anthony Barlow 06:29
That sound everything.

Andy Molinsky 06:30
Massively boring. However, it was just a year thing, and it was an opportunity to go abroad, and I kept this little diary open on my computer. And this was in a days of like, early computers, like a boxy looking Mac SE computer. And I had this diary open of just stuff I was observing in the office, frankly, like, office people makes, I was so interested in it. And so when I came back, it was Columbia University in New York City. When I came back there at the time, I was like, trying to figure out like, "what is this?" like, it was basically Social Psychology and Organizational Behavior, but I didn't know what those things were, I ultimately found out what they were, I started taking some courses in them, I got inspired. And thought to myself, maybe I want to try a PhD in this and like, actually do this. And so eventually, I went to get a PhD, and I got a PhD in Organizational Behavior in Psychology. And I loved it, I really loved it. I learned how to research, I learned the field, and so on and so forth. My PhD dissertation was actually about Russian immigrants learning to interview and network for jobs. These are people who are desperate to get jobs because they didn't have much funding, you know, you only have like about 20 months of funding or something like that for themselves and their families. And they had to learn how to switch their cultural behaviors, but they really struggled with it. And that's what my dissertation was about, essentially, acting outside your cultural comfort zone in a way.

Scott Anthony Barlow 07:48
Interesting. And not just because I also have 140 page-ish, Google Doc that served as a diary for my days in HR, but also interesting, because the things that... that's not what I thought you were gonna say in the first place. But yes, we might be able to have a whole separate conversation about that. But it is really interesting to me in terms of your fascination with the cross cultural piece, too, because I think there's so much embedded in that, that actually it transcends beyond cross cultural.

Andy Molinsky 08:18
Yeah, there's no question. And so for my first seven or eight years of my job as a professor, the deal with... if you're a professor, you know, major research university, where I was, I was at the University of Southern California, USC in LA. And then I was also, now at Brandeis University in Boston. Both pretty major, huge research universities. The deal there is that you need to write articles, academic articles, become well known around the country in the world for your area of expertise, and publish enough and have enough quality that your peers decide that you're worthy of tenure, which is a job for life. And that was my narrow focus for, I don't know, how many years, eight years, nine years, whatever it was, exclusively doing that. I always knew, though, see, I didn't come into this PhD, sort of having, like, studied in college and worked in labs in college or anything like that, I came to it from sort of the real world experience. And so I always knew, I wanted to kind of circle back and speak to just regular people and make an impact in the world. But for quite a while, I had to sort of burrow down and do the true sort of full on academic thing. I did get tenure, maybe, I don't know, seven or eight years ago or so, maybe longer, actually, maybe more time since then, as passed. And then from that point, and this is your career shift, sort of, I didn't make a massive career shift. But I definitely pivoted. And it was a pivot that I sort of anticipated, because once you have tenure, you essentially have a job for life, and you can start to be very independent in terms of what you do. And I, of course, continue doing academic research, and I still do, but, I now spend a lot more of my time, well, since before I spent zero of my time before, but a lot more of my time trying to actually use Academic Research almost as R&D for products and the products are articles and books and training programs and things that actually make a difference in people's lives. And that's sort of how I've made that kind of career transition. I always kind of knew I wanted to do it, but I had to kind of do the first step before I was able to do it.

Scott Anthony Barlow 10:13
Okay, so I'm super curious about that. What's an example of a way that you were able to use those as R&D?

Andy Molinsky 10:20
Well, I mean, R&D, I use that term loosely. It's just the idea that I'm a columnist for Inc.com, for example, and I also written, I don't know, like 50 articles at Harvard Business Review. Like, I know the field of organizational behavior. I know social psychology. I don't know everything about it, but I'm very good grounding in it. So when I try to think of something, in terms of something to write that I sort of get inspired by in the real world, I have a pretty sort of easy way, in my mind, at least, of understanding it from sort of an academic perspective. And then I can translate that into a sort of regular person speak so that it's really understandable and digestible, and so on. But I've got the good academic base. And so in a way, that's R&D. Very specifically, though, I have even more literally R&D, like my new book "Reach" that will talk about... much of the research in that book was research that I actually did personally, right. So there's some that's an absolute, like, direct translation of my research. And then there's somewhere I just kind of understand the field, understand a way of thinking, sort of an academic scholarly way of thinking, which I think is good in a way, because it really gives you, you know, precision and validity in some ways. But the bad thing about academics or the challenging thing about academics is oftentimes esoteric and jargon filled and kind of limited in scope. So if you can sort of leverage the positive parts of academics and combine them with sort of an eye in an orientation towards a real world, I think it's actually a benefit.

Scott Anthony Barlow 11:46
So before we hit the record button, a little bit behind the scenes here, I was describing to you that we have a lot of people that reach out, that either have books or whatever else along those lines or publicists reach out or anything along those lines. And originally, we became interested in you because of that book. And we're like, "Hey, we've got to have this guy on. We've got to have a conversation with Andy." Because part of the reason, as I read through the book, is because you do a phenomenal job of taking all of the research pieces, and combining that together with very palatable ways to understand and be relevant for nearly anybody. So I particularly appreciated that. And I think that's part of what you're saying as well.

Andy Molinsky 12:29
I appreciate that, because that's what I always try to do. I try to make things that are, you know, I'm a fairly simple guy. I like to understand things really clearly. And that, like if I pride myself on anything, it's the ability to take complex topics, and make them simple, not simplistic. You know what I mean?

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:45
Absolutely. Now, first of all, I want to dive back here, just because I'm way curious. What part of France were you at?

Andy Molinsky 12:52
I lived in Paris.

Scott Anthony Barlow 12:53
You did live in Paris, okay. My family and I, we just spent a month in Paris living over there just because we had never lived over there and really wanted to go. So what years were you there?

Andy Molinsky 13:03
I was there in the early 90s. So I mean, I've traveled back and forth quite a bit, less so now with kids. But early 90s was when I lived there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:12
Very cool. And you're right, going to another country or going someplace in overseas in any place else that is outside your comfort zone. It's kind of a different ballgame at this point. And we had Google Maps and we could find our ways around, and...

Andy Molinsky 13:25
Airbnb.

Scott Anthony Barlow 13:26
Airbnb. It's a bit of a different ballgame in that way, certainly. But absolutely loved Paris. That's so interesting that you were over there, too. We were thrilled to pieces. And it was certainly outside our comfort zone as a family because we ended up taking our kids for that month long period of time, then we also spent some time in Portugal as well. But oh my goodness, talk about intentionally getting yourself outside of your comfort zone, which is what I hope to delve into here a little bit as well, which kind of brings us to our next topic. I love that you have, well, two pieces here. One, I think that there have been different points of your life, as observed, that you have been able to successfully get yourself well outside of your comfort zone, those comfortable areas for you. And clearly, those overseas trips are one of them. And then the other thing I really liked about that, too, is you've been intentional about looking back and observing whether that was the case. And then also combining a lot of those observations together with what you're seeing in terms of research. And then, again, going back to what we talked about earlier, making it palatable... that's what I'd love to do is be able to go into, first of all, why is it so flippin hard for most of us to get outside of our comfort zones?

Andy Molinsky 14:39
So I should say a word just quickly about who I talk with for this book, because I did combine research and my own insights and so on. But I also talked to people from all sorts of, you know, walks of life and professions, managers, executives, doctors, teachers, rabbis, priests, stay at home moms trying to get back into the workforce, a goat farmer, all sorts of people. I found that across all these stories, examples, people, it kind of boiled down to five... I call them psychological roadblocks. And, you know, you're not going to experience every one of these in every situation, but I kept hearing these time and time again and so I can just quickly tick them off, see if they resonate with the audience, our listeners. So... and I should also say that when we're talking about getting outside your comfort zone, I like to get super specific and kind of like zero in on specific situations, like, walking into that networking situation that you know you need to do to sort of enter a new job or career opportunity but it's terrifying for you, or making that cold call or participating at that meeting or speaking up in public or delivering bad news, whatever it might be, but I like to zone in on kind of specific moments. So the first challenge is what I call "authenticity", the idea that stepping outside my comfort zone in this situation, this doesn't feel like me, quite literally, it probably isn't because you're stepping outside your comfort zone. But that's really hard. Just example that comes to mind is, there many examples, but just pops in my head right now as I interviewed a bunch of young entrepreneurs who had product ideas. They wanted to start a business, but to do that they had to do lots of stuff outside their comfort zone, like pitch their idea to venture capitalists who are much older, much more experienced, sort of in a shark tank style situation. And they had to, like, put on their grown up voice or put on a suit and tie or whatever it might be. And they just felt like total posers and wannabes like standing up there completely inauthentic. I think in my own experience, stepping into a classroom for the first time. So I tell you a little bit about my story. You don't learn to teach, interestingly, when you get a PhD, like, I mean, you do a little bit. That's a slight exaggeration. But it's not enough, to be honest, it's much of an exaggeration.

Scott Anthony Barlow 16:49
Not that far off.

Andy Molinsky 16:50
You learn to do research. So I remember stepping into a classroom at the University of Southern California, the very first day, I remembered very, very well. And this was a long time ago. I remember I felt, like, I opened that door, I was like, "who am I to be doing this? Like, this is preposterous." And someone said, like, "Hello, professor." And I, like, look behind me, assuming that they were talking to someone else. Like, it's on me. So authenticity is a challenge. Another challenge is what I call "likeability". The worry that people won't like this version of me, maybe I won't like this version of me, but people won't like this version of me, might even hate this version of me if I'm doing that's outside my comfort zone, whether it's, you know, I don't know, being more assertive than I'm used to, or that I think they expect me to be or delivering bad news or whatever it might be. So, likeability challenge is the second one. You know, if I have to network people, got people think I'm such a sleazy jerk for trying to kind of like beg and ask them a favor or something. "Competence" is a third challenge. You got authenticity, likeability, competence, you know, the fear that you'll look like a fool if you give that public speech and not only look like a fool, but feel like a fool, that you're actually not that good at this, and you really feel it. Sometimes I'd like to think about the authenticity challenge and the competence challenge kind of combo to create what some people call the "imposter syndrome". Feeling like an imposter. A fourth one is "resentment". And logically, you know, you need to adapt, perhaps, but psychologically, you're resentful, you're annoyed, you're frustrated. Like, why can't my qualifications count? Why do I have to schmooze and make small talk and go play golf with these people? Why can't I just do good work? You know, a lot of introverts, actually, who I've spoken to around this book have sort of resonated with that idea that sort of deep resentment of having to kind of accommodate to the extroverted world of work in which we really live, but there are other examples too. And then the final one is "morality". And, you know, there's not as many examples of this, but I certainly found a bunch. The idea that when acting outside my comfort zone in this situation just feels wrong. It feels wrong to me, for whatever reason, but it's sort of like, it bumps up against my own moral compass. So again, you don't necessarily feel authenticity, likeability, competence, resentment and morality challenges every time you do something, or consider doing something, but frankly, any one of these can make it hard to step outside your comfort zone.

Scott Anthony Barlow 19:13
So here's the question I had in reading through and thinking about that piece, because many people might hear some of those things. And I think there's a couple of different ways that you can take it. But I'm curious how you reconcile or tease apart what is going to be very good growth that is simply uncomfortable for you. Or I guess the opposite side of that is potentially those things that are not ever going to be authentic to you, or that probably don't sit around any of your more natural strengths or whatever else that aren't going to fall into your competence areas ever, because of the way that you're wired. How do you tease those pieces out and think about that in that way?

Andy Molinsky 19:56
So in terms of the first piece, what I often suggest people do, and I do this myself, too, is I imagine to myself in a situation, if I could erase with my magic wand, the anxiety and fear I face in a situation that I'm considering outside of my comfort zone, if I could just temporarily, as a thought exercise, would this be something that I would like to be able to do? It's an interesting thought exercise actually, I've encouraged people to try it. If you can do that exercise, and if you come to the conclusion that "You know what, starting a small company is something I really want to do. I've always wanted to do that and it terrifies the heck out of me, but I have to admit, I've always wanted to do it." Then I think it's very valuable and worth it to try to apply some of the tools that I talked about in the book to try to step outside your comfort zone, in sort of like, and I think there are some really solid tools you can use to try to give yourself a leg up. If the answer to that question is "No, not really, you know, even if I could erase the anxiety and fear, man, it's not really something I care so much about, or it's not my thing, particularly, anyways.” like, let's say you're afraid of sales. If you say... if you could erase the anxiety, raise the worry and say, "You know what, I'm just not that interested in doing it, frankly. What I prefer to... I just don't want to do it." Then that's a fine conclusion. But I don't think that should be a rationalization for not starting a business, let's say, I think that should then bring you to the point that you need to partner with someone who's good at sales, right? I mean, you can outsource that piece. So you don't want to use it as a justification for not doing something. But it might legitimately be something that you really actually don't care about improving at. So that's what I recommend for that piece.

Eric Murphy 21:36
Grinding me to Pope.

Eric Murphy 21:38
Sounds exaggerated, but that's how I felt sometimes.

Eric Murphy 21:38
That's Eric Murphy. He has still, what life was like before he made the change to his new career.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:40
Okay, it was pretty obvious that Eric wanted to make a change, right. But he didn't have a lot of time. And his job took a lot of energy out of him.

Eric Murphy 21:53
Weekends being crazy short and Sunday being, like, I gotta go work again on Monday.

Scott Anthony Barlow 21:58
And that's exactly why Eric hired our team to help him make this change much, much easier.

Eric Murphy 22:03
I think one of the biggest benefits of having career coach is when you're dealing with offers, etc., when you're in the thick of job searches, it's good to be able to email or text or call you to say, "Hey, like this situation popped up. But how would you handle it?" That's also extremely useful. And a lot of your techniques, for example, writing handwritten making notes to everyone that you have conversations with, I wouldn't have thought of that, it made a massive impression. One guy had made me an offer, he had the handwritten thank you note in his hand, and it was like, it was very great. Thank you. Thank you so much. That was really cool.

Scott Anthony Barlow 22:40
Congratulations to Eric in making the change to a career that he absolutely loves. If you want to make the change to a career that fits you and pays you more, find out how coaching can help you step by step, go over to happentoyourcareer.com and click on ‘Coaching’ to be able to apply or you can text MYCOACH, that's MYCOACH to 44222. That's MYCOACH to 44222. Pause right now, and we'll send over your application. See you there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 23:10
Really interested in helping people think about how to dovetail or maybe a better way to say it would be, how to separate out which are going to be good directions for me that are uncomfortable, and I need to experience growth in versus those that are also uncomfortable, that really don't align with either who I actually am or the direction that I want to go or anything else, I'd really like your suggestion of, hey, I'm going to call it the outcome that you're wanting. And if that's something you're really actually, legitimately, interested in doing, and you're thinking about, if you have that, or if you're without that, and you come to the conclusion that it's something that you want, then it is worth it to go down the path through that discomfort.

Andy Molinsky 23:54
And I should also say, that's sort of well stated, I like that. The other piece here is that I don't think everyone should be, like, stretching outside their comfort zone, in every situation at every point in their life. It's not like, you know, full throttle, let's go, you know, I think that's unrealistic, and unwise, and so on. I like to think about in terms of like, you know, portfolios, like, stock portfolios, or something as an analogy, like, we all have portfolios of situations in our lives, somewhere outside our comfort zones, some are inside our comfort zones, some are outside our comfort zones, but we'd like to actually work on or whatever, like, there's a portfolio of various sort of places that situations are for us. And maybe we'd like to be able to move a few, you know, we'd like to actually be able to try some stuff outside our comfort zone, those portfolios change over time, right, in terms of our life experience, in terms of our maturity, whatever, I think my life has changed after having kids, big time as being a parent, and so on. But I don't think it's unrealistic to think that there will be some situations right in your comfort zone, and that's where you want them to be, you know what I mean? I think the problem is where you have certain ambitions, legitimate ambitions, something that you would really like to be able to do, but your fear and anxiety is holding you back. That's where I think this stuff is super relevant.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:09
I feel like that is a great opportunity for I don't know, some kind of basic graph or something. I don't recall, maybe you already had one in your book, and I just missed it. But I feel like there's a very simple graph, in terms of this is the areas you focus on for intentional discomfort. These are the areas that you don't even worry about, because it's outside of what you want.

Andy Molinsky 25:27
No, I don't think I had that graph. But you know, I should mock it up.

Scott Anthony Barlow 25:30
We can do that. We'll make it happen. Very good. I love it. I love frameworks to think about making decisions. So that's ultimately what I'm hoping people will take away as they listen to this is I think you just described a framework for being able to say, okay, going out there and just experiencing tons and tons of discomfort, that's probably not necessarily the right way to go. You're gonna experience some growth that way, but a much better way to look at it would be to do exactly what you just described, where I interpreted that as, hey, evaluate, what is the outcome? And, is discomfort holding you back from those areas? And then if so, those are the places where you may intentionally want to experience it.

Andy Molinsky 26:10
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 26:11
So on that note, here's some areas where I know that I need to get better at public speaking, or I need to be able to move through the discomfort of sales, or I need to be able to, I don't know, insert your thing here. But how then do I actually do that? What are some ways that I can use to be able to do that? And you love to talk in terms of specifics, and I very much appreciate that. So maybe we can give us some examples that we have pop up all the time, or some people that you've talked to over the time, how can I actually do those things?

Andy Molinsky 26:40
Sure. Yeah, no, absolutely. I think it'd be like, it was like an awful book, and an awful sort of set of ideas if I stopped at the problem. But frankly, like a lot of books that you read, they don't literally stop at the problem, but they're heavy on the problem late on the solutions. I did not want to do that. So here's what I found in terms of people who were able to step successfully outside their comfort zone, sort of, what do they all have in common? The first thing they had in common was conviction. That sort of like a deep sense of purpose, sort of, like, what's in it for you? Why is it worth fighting through discomfort, addressing discomfort, stepping into this situation that is actually really hard for you? You know, it's deserted by drive or sense of purpose to take action despite discomfort. I found that people's sources of conviction tended to be in one of two buckets. One was professional, you know, that I've always wanted to be a small business owner. And yes, there are aspects of it that are really hard. But this is something I've always wanted to do, or I've always wanted to be that manager, I've always wanted to be a leader, insert whatever you've always wanted to be, or what you really deeply care about wanting to do, and that would be a professional source of conviction. Sometimes it's very personal, you know, sometimes it's about making a difference in the world or helping certain people, or, frankly, for me, I have to say, one of my biggest sources of conviction is my role as a dad, as a parent, like I have a 10 and 12 year old, and I'm often trying to sort of smartly, hopefully, coax them outside their comfort zones, if I'm asking them to be brave, and then I, myself, am afraid to do certain things, and I'm not able to get the courage to do it, I don't know, it's not the kind of dad or role model that I want to be. So, you know, wherever your source of conviction comes from, I think it's important to identify it and embrace it. So that's the first tool.

Scott Anthony Barlow 28:29
I want to ask you about that for just a second, I find myself using as a crutch very regularly. So first of all, my oldest is nine. And you can let me know what's coming over the next couple of years. But one of them, we've got this set of family rules, and one of which is trying new things and the real heart of essentially getting outside your comfort zone on a regular basis. And I find myself taking actions in some cases that I probably wouldn't have taken otherwise, except to fulfill what I want to be as a role model for my kids like, otherwise, I probably would, I just wouldn't. So I'm curious, how much you saw those types of things, not necessarily for kids, but those types of things where you're stepping into, where you want to be that role, or you've got that conviction behind, I'm curious, how else that showed up besides just parenting too?

Andy Molinsky 29:18
I think the parenting piece is sort of like a complementary piece, I think that there's got to be something, it's not sort of like, "Oh, I'm gonna go jump off that cliff, even though I really don't want to" just to show it to your kids. For some people that's actually meaningful. It depends. If your kids is struggling, in certain ways, take... stepping into situations, whatever, it gets complicated. But the family side, let's say, that would sort of be an extra added boost. I found it really had to do in these, you know, again, I interviewed people about professional situations, mostly. So it really had to do with some form of, like, professional slash personal ambition. This is just something that I have always wanted to do. I know this will make me feel good about myself. This will enable me to help others. This is my calling. I mean, that's rare. But that happens for sure. I heard some examples that this is my calling, but some source of conviction. I mean, because if you don't have that source of conviction, it is very hard to fight through your comfort zone, because you don't really have much of a sense of purpose.

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:14
Did you see people intentionally using those sources of conviction to create stakes for themselves?

Andy Molinsky 30:20
Like to pressure themselves, you mean?

Scott Anthony Barlow 30:22
Yeah, and I must think about, like, going back to the parent example, I find myself in some cases, intentionally setting myself up to... how do I describe it, won't be good if a recent example. Okay, so this might sound a little bit odd. But I take my kids every Saturday, and we go down to a place I work out at, and it's very much strength training plus parkour, which sounds like an odd combination to probably the average person. But there are some things that parkour can be fairly acrobatic, I guess. So there are some things that I'm scared to death to do, quite frankly. So if I have my kids as an audience, to some degree, then I feel that extra pressure and that extra motivation to do some of those things and to try some of those things with them watching. And I guess that's your example. But...

Andy Molinsky 31:10
No, it's an interesting example. A crutch almost implies that there's a pejorative sense to that. I don't see that as a bad thing, necessarily, as long as it's not like exposing them to something they shouldn't be, like, but it doesn't seem that way. It seems to me like it could be part of your source of conviction, or about to talk about next, which is customization.

Scott Anthony Barlow 31:30
Oh, let's go down that road.

Andy Molinsky 31:31
So customization... I have to tell you, this was the most surprising, interesting, impactful, powerful aspect of what I found, this idea of customization. The idea here is that time and time again, it was one of those things where once you start to see it, you see it everywhere. And the idea basically is that, you know, it's sort of like buying a pair of pants, very few people or some people do, I guess, buy a pair of pants off the shelf and just kind of wear them in, they're good to go. Usually, many of us have to have them sort of shortened here or lengthen there or tweaked here, whatever it is, in a minor way, but so that it fits us better. So that's an analogy to say that you can take a situation even one that you're uncomfortable with, no matter what it is really, and you can find a way to put your own personal spin or twist on it to make it just a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more authentic even. And there were so many interesting ways that I found people customize their situations through all sorts of things, body language, timing, literal actual language, staging a context, bringing props. So for example, you know, let's talk about an example. And we can sort of think about it spontaneously. What's an example some of your listeners might be afraid of doing?

Scott Anthony Barlow 32:43
Well, I think that, two things pop into mind: one, the story of... was it Jane.. it might have been Jane. That is relevant, I think in one way. But a lot of people do mention sales, they have some sales aspect of their role, and I start to talk to them more and more, our team talks to them, then we start to tease out like, what is actually the sales piece of it? And what are some of the value subsets and what are some of the other things? But ultimately, they're focused on the sales and the discomfort and pressures that go along with that thing. So...

Andy Molinsky 33:13
Yeah, so sales and sales could be about selling a product, it could also be about selling yourself in a networking context, you know, you hear a lot of people uncomfortable with that. So, you know, there are lots of things that you can do, to try to sort of tweak it to make it your own. In a literal sales context, you know, it might be that there's certain language that feels right for you, it's really critical for you to not only believe in the product or service that you're selling, but actually be a client yourself and to legitimately use it and love it. And maybe there's certain language that you end up using that are touchstones for you that sort of reminds you of how this is actually something that you love, or doing or that you respect or whatever it is that there's some sort of personal connection to it. It may be sales, maybe it's important for you to bring someone with you, maybe you feel more relaxed when you're with someone, or maybe that other person is able to do a piece of the sale and you do another piece of the sale, maybe a good cop, bad cop, maybe you're the opener and they're the closer, maybe there's a prop that you'd like to bring. For years, I was afraid of public speaking for years. Now, not so much anymore, actually, really liked public speaking, but been at it for about 20 years. And early on, it was terrifying for me. I used to bring a prop, like a prop in theater, and my prop was a ring. And that ring was a special ring with a stone in it that my great uncle had found in the beaches of the South Pacific in World War Two. And it is a tiger's eye stone, and he had made that stone into a ring when he came back from the war. And he wore it for many, many, many years. I always admired it. And I ultimately inherited it in a sense. And I used to wear it and it used to represent courage to me, because that's what he had to do to get that stone in the ring. And I think to myself, like I'm stepping into this situation where I need courage. And, you know, it wasn't like a magical one. But it actually gave me a little boost. It was secret, it was private. Now, of course, all of you now know about it. But I used to wear that. This is not in the sales realm. But I had heard a great example of this the other day from a woman who's very uncomfortable in social situations. She wants to make small talk, she wants to schmooze, she wants to get to know people. And she goes to these sort of social gatherings and she sits in the corner, doesn't say anything. And turns out that she's actually very interested in photography, and just as a side, and she had this epiphany to bring a selfie stick to social get togethers. And so she takes it out of her purse, and she starts to put her iPhone or whatever on the selfie stick and then all of a sudden people come over, like, "Oh, what's that?" "That's cool." "That's awesome. Oh, can we try that?" And then all of a sudden, she's gone from wallflower to someone who's like, absolutely engaged in the conversation, meeting people, taking photos, getting their emails, so that you can send them the photos, having a purpose in the situation, and so on. All through that single prop. We could go on and on and on, but the point is that there are a myriad of ways that you can sort of thoughtfully and consciously tweak a situation to make it just that little bit more comfortable for you, which makes it easier to step outside your comfort zone.

Scott Anthony Barlow 36:20
That's fantastic for a couple different reasons. But I see so many people, and I've fallen into this trap, too, that we think that we have to do something that is outside our comfort zone in a particular way. And very often, I mean, we do lots of coaching with clients and helping them move past their comfort zone or move into their discomfort zones. And intentionally so, and a lot of times, I didn't realize it, but what we are doing is helping them customize and move past that barrier of having to thinking we have to do it in a certain particular way.

Andy Molinsky 36:53
I find the exact same thing. And that's what's so interesting. It's almost as if, like, again, I guess, I think in terms of images a lot. And the image that pops in my head is the image of an archery target. And it's as if, like, there's this idea that you have to hit the dead on bullseye. But the reality is that actually that ring and the ring outside of it and maybe even the ring outside of it is the zone of acceptability in some way, right? And you just need to find a spot in there that fits for you.

Scott Anthony Barlow 37:18
I love it. That is fantastic. But one last question, something that I wanted to ask you too. So we talked about authenticity a little bit earlier. And I think people really struggle particularly with that, and at least the people that are listening to this show, because often their work or pieces about their work, feel very, very inauthentic. And I'm super curious as to... what advice do you have for them, whether or not, they should... how they should think about keeping going in that environment, or maybe taking some of these pieces and customizing it, versus getting out and moving to a new thing?

Andy Molinsky 37:55
You know, I think I get what you're saying. And it's a real question a lot of people have, in fact, before we're on today, you were mentioning something about your audience. And I said, "Oh, my gosh, I had a conversation with someone last night about this." Like, I'm often talking to people about this exact issue, changing careers, it's a really hard question, I think, to answer in the abstract. I think, however, sometimes there are mistakes people make in thinking about it. In terms of authenticity, for example, like, do you have more power and control than you think you do? Are there ways that you can tweak or adjust or craft your role, either sort of on your own, or by asking, if you have a supervisor, to perhaps introduce other elements into your role that might fit better, and be more authentic and so on? Sometimes people desperately want to be able to express a part of themselves, they feel that they need to suppress at work. And sometimes, having an outlet for that outside of work is often quite useful in two ways. You know, number one, it could sort of fulfill that need in a way, and maybe it sort of reduces the anger that you might have around your work, and you might potentially discover aspects of your work, they don't mind or that you actually like, once you're able to express that sort of previously unexpressed piece of yourself outside of work. You know, nowadays, and sort of the gig economy, I think a lot of people are having these like side hustle type of things, where they can do something that's more authentic to themselves. And if they do it outside of work, maybe it's a bridge to potentially switching careers, but starting small, but then you know, potentially bridging out. So that's another possible thing. But it's really hard to like, you know, there are some environments that are just plain toxic, right, or just not a good fit. And I wouldn't want to give the advice to people to tell them that your mistake, you're not figuring out a way to customize right, or you're not figuring out a way to make it work, and they're... or you're justifying it, you know, and so on and so forth, when in fact, it's truly a toxic environment. I think one hint about that, though, is that remember, from a statistical standpoint, you're and of one, right? Any individual person and of one person. If you're trying to make judgments about the toxicity of a culture, it's probably useful to get some other perspectives. If you're starting to see that lots of other people agree with you, in terms of what you're talking about, about how it's stifling, about how it's sort of making me feel inauthentic, and so on and so forth, then you're starting to get a pretty valid view, sort of, of that unbiased or less biased view of the culture that might give you more motivation to say to yourself, "You know what, this isn't for me." So I guess those are some sort of general, sort of, I guess, touch points in terms of thinking about it. But again, it's a very, very sort of personal situation and story, I think, that everyone has.

Scott Anthony Barlow 40:48
It is. And there's not one size fits all progression to be able to move through that problem that many people face. I love the couple of approaches that you had just mentioned, particularly the last one in pulling in more data points, too, so that you can get start to gather, "Hey, is this a me thing? Or is this what I'm perceiving it to be that it's a… everybody thing?"

Andy Molinsky 41:10
Exactly.

Scott Anthony Barlow 41:11
Yeah. Well, hey, this is absolutely fantastic. And by the way, I would highly recommend the book, we haven't even talked about the name necessarily, but it's called "Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge , and Build Confidence", but would absolutely recommend it. I enjoyed it. And it's the reason we wanted to have you on the show in the first place. But I very much appreciate you taking the time and making the time. And by the way, how can people that want to get the book or want to learn more about you and your work, how can they do those things?

Andy Molinsky 41:41
Sure. And I love to hear from people. So I really encourage you to connect, I think the very best way is via my website, which is www.andymolinsky.com, which is spelled andymolinsky.com. And there are all sorts of links to my social media, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, I've got tons of articles that I've written in resources and quizzes and all sorts of fun stuff to kind of dig into. So I'd love to connect with you. So please visit me there.

Scott Anthony Barlow 42:13
Do you need a little push to get through that fear and anxiety of your career change? Check out our career coaching resource, just apply for coaching and we'll set you up with one of our coaches that can help you dig into your discomfort and move past it, set up a framework even to get out of your comfort zone, so you can reach your career ambitions. It is super cool way to be able to be supported, and know the right moves to take without having to figure them out entirely yourself. Two ways that you can do that: you can go over to happentoyourcareer.com and click on 'Coaching' at the top and just apply for coaching there or you can text MYCOACH, that's MYCOACH to 44222. Just pause this and text MYCOACH to 44222 and we'll send you over the application so you can do it right there. And guess what? We've got plenty more coming up next week right here on Happen To Your Career. So take a listen to what we've got in store for you next week on the Happen To Your Career podcast.

Paul Angone 43:12
In that place of transition, when you're the most uncomfortable, that you're actually making the most progress.

Lisa Lewis-Miller 43:19
There's nothing that you can't do if you don't want to.

Jessica Sweet 43:23
Whether you know it or not, you probably do have a lot of networking contacts.

Marc Miller 43:28
I was raised to be employee. I wasn't raised to follow my passion.

Scott Anthony Barlow 43:34
That's right. All that and plenty more next week, it's here on Happen To Your Career. I will see you next week when the episode releases on Monday. Alright. I am out. Adios.

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